Thx 4 Ur Tip

We were watching the noon news, and the little Crime Stoppers crime of the week thingy came on. At the end, they were listing the many and varied ways you can leave anonymous tips, that stay anonymous until it's time to get the reward, that is. Anyway, you can call their old tip line, or you can leave a tip online, or you can text the info to them. This got me to thinking. I would hate to be the poor shmo who had to read, and try to decipher, texted tips about crimes. Just think of how little clarity and how much letespeak is in most people's text messages. Now imagine that person is describing what they saw during a crime. Yuck! Talk about a recipe for confusion. I wonder how many texts have to be discarded because they make no sense.

What Comes Out Of The Mouths Of Some Of Joe Public's Slower Members

I just heard 2 amazingly dumb things people have said to us because of our guide dogs recently, and that made me think of an old story I heard years ago, so I thought I'd post them all in a tripple dose of oh my god did that person just say that?

The other day, I was out walking, and I got close to where I was going. I hadn't been there in a while, so I figured I'd ask someone where the door was. As we were approaching it, Trixie tried to sniff something. I gave her a correction and said, "Ahem, dog, don't do that." And from then on, the lady who was helping me thought her name was dog! I didn't even bother to correct her. I just chuckled all the way home.

Then, last night, I was talking to another lady in town who has a guide dog from the same school, and she said this woman walked up to her in the grocery store, marvelling that that leash outfit she had didn't even pull on the dog's neck, and where could one get such a leash thing. My friend finally figured out she was referring to the harness, and she not only had to explain to her that that was a guide dog harness, but she had to explain to this lady what a guide dog was. And my friend said this lady didn't sound like she came from some far away place where guide dogs weren't being readily used. Oh my my. So I can only assume she came from another planet, then?

These two stories pale in comparison to my final story, though. A friend of Steve and I was in a particularly cranky mood one day and didn't feel like answering all the usual questions, or deflecting the hands that always want to pet his dog. So when one woman sweetly asked him what his dog's name was, he said, "It's not mine, it's stolen," to which the woman responded, "Hi, Stolen!" Hahahahahahhah! She thought the dog's name was Stolen! Hahahahahha! Whenever I think about that story, I just kill myself laughing.

So wow. I really don't know what to say. I guess I'll never say I've seen it all, because it's impossible to do that. Someone will always surprise you with a new one.

I'm Sure He Wishes He Was Shooting Blanks That Day, Because He Will Be Shooting Blanks Now

We often hear about people shooting themselves in the foot or leg because the gun in their waistband went off, but this guy shot himself in the balls! Ow ow ow ow ow!

You know, besides the ow factor of this guy shooting himself right in the boys, there were a few other lines that made me chuckle in an evil way when I read this story.

The man's handgun, which was in the waistband of his pants, went off at about 12:30 p.m. — an apparent "accidental discharge," according to Shannon Sessions, a Lynnwood police spokeswoman.

"It made a loud noise and scared a lot of people in the store," Sessions said.

I'll bet it did, and I'm sure he made a few loud noises himself.

A manager at Lowe's said store personnel are not commenting on the incident.

Oh I bet they are, just not to the media. Who can come home from work and not say "Hey honey, you wouldn't believe the day I had today! A guy shot himself in the balls in the store!"

I wonder what tools he was looking at when the gun went off.

It Appears My Friend Count Is Down By One, But It's Only The Rays Fan

In an act of complete whining pettiness typical of someone who is willing to publicly identify as a Tampa Bay Rays fan, Ro hasdecided that she's not going to be friends with me until at least Thursday.It could be longer if her team doesn't fare well against my vastly superior Toronto Blue Jays this week, but it's Thursday at least.

You know what burns me up about this? I was all set to do the honourable Canadian thing by taking the high road and not emailing her to ask what the score is (it's 3-0 and Matt Garza has thrown 2 wild pitches so far for the record), but now my resolve is being tested. Never mind that I hadn't gotten around to sending that message yet since I was making some late dinner, that's not important. What matters is that up to the point when I read her post, I hadn't pointed out that Jays vs. Rays is kind of like major leaguers vs. a team of 1-armed special kids, and I wasn't going to even though it's obvious to anybody who knows anything about anything.

Good luck Ro and Rays, you're gonna need it. and as for Carin's blanket that's going to come and live with me, I am as you read this looking into what it would cost to have somebody embroider a Jays logo on it, because I want it to know what success feels like.

Good Luck Sleeping After This Doozer Of A Dream

I had a really weird dream last night, and I think the weirdest part was I could actually feel things in the dream. I hate it when that happens. It makes me nervous.

I dreamed I had to go to the doctor for a check-up. But it looked like I was back at the children's hospital where I used to have to go. There were even kids playing with the big wooden puzzles in the waiting area.

The doctor came over to me in a hurry and told me to come with him. He had a big thick file in his hands that seemed to have everything in it that I had to go through from when I was a baby. He kept saying that way back at some point, I was sent somewhere in the states for a test, and had to go under general anesthetic. I said I don't remember that. He kept saying I did go through it, it says here in this file, and I was a baby, and the reason I had gone for that test has come back again. What he said was something like "demons from that time have come back to haunt you." I kept asking him to clarify, but he wouldn't tell me anything.

He led me into his office and slapped down that thick file again. He opened it, and was showing me charts, even drawing on my hand. But nothing in the charts seemed out of the ordinary to me. Then he said I had to have a CT scan. I said ok, but where would I leave Trixie? Then I said I guess I could tie her somewhere nearby and out of danger if it was only a 15-minute ct scan. He thought for a minute and said "I'm sure someone could look after her for a while while you recovered." Recovered? From a CT scan? I questioned him about that, but he would say no more. Then I wondered if they were going to try and sedate me because I was at the children's hospital, and they often sedated kids so they'd be still in the CT scan, so I said I didn't need to be sedated if that's what they were thinking, so I shouldn't need to recover. He said ok, as if he listened to me.

Then a woman came in, and started talking to me. Then she started combing through my hair as if checking for lice. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Looking for a vein." She said this completely calmly, like this was normal. I kepd demanding to know what was really going on, at which point they only would talk to each other. Then she must have found what she was looking for, because something went into my head and god did it hurt. Then she said she had to make sure it wouldn't move and pinned it in place and that hurt too. Then my voice sounded all funny, like somehow the thing was blocking part of my nose. Then she said to the doctor, "When she starts having broken speech, we know it's working." It didn't matter what I said to them, neither of them would act like I was saying anything that required a response.

Then they made me stand up and we started walking. I kept asking if I was just going for a CT scan, or if something else was going on and if so, what was it. They kept saying everything would be fine, and that was all they would say. At this point, I wished my mom was there so I could ask her if I'd ever gone for this test they talked about. Maybe she could interpret for me what in hell was going on. Maybe she would talk to me like a person, unlike these two. But I knew there was no way I could get a hold of her this second, and soon, apparently, I wouldn't be able to speak. We got into an elevator and I started to panic. I wished I'd paid attention to where the CT machine was, whether it was up a floor or down from the doctor's office. Maybe then the elevator's movements would tell me once and for all if they were lying.

And I guess I started breathing all ragged and short in real life. In the dream, I was starting to hyperventillate, so that would make sense. Steve noticed, and sorta woke me up. I'm glad he did.

What the hell was that? I know that would never, ever, happen in real life, or I should hope not. I do think of that story Ann told about being sedated against her will when she was having a kid, but gees! This was just insane. I should think I have a little more faith in my family doctor than that! Where was this all coming from, and why? The closest comparison I can draw is I heard a horror story about things going bad for a guy in an ambulance who was having a seizure, but that's a stretch.

It was all so vivid. There were details in it that made the whole thing all too real. My doctor was there from when I was a kid, the room was the same room, I remembered facts that I knew from that hospital, like how little kids were sedated when going through CT scans and mom fought to make sure they didn't do that to me because she thought it might mess with me somehow, I can't remember how, and she insisted to them that she could tell me to keep still and I would. All of that was there in that dream, but then there was all that other wacky stuff. And there was the element of being able to feel pain in the dream. That always scares me, since last time things went crazy with me, I had a lot of dreams where I could feel pain. I'm pretty sure all is well with me, but I notice those dreams more now because of that.

I read that, and think I must look a wee bit insane. I sure felt insane when I woke up. Hopefully now I can forget about the dream.

Straight From The Guide Dog's Mouth

It's been way too long since I've grabbed the keyboard. It was c-c-c-c-cold when I last took it. So hmmm. What's new in my life? What can I talk about?

This time, when the weather knob started coming back up to nice, everything smelled extra good. It was so hard to go down the road and not sniff all those yummy smells. They were everywhere, and they were calling out to me. Those humans didn't even notice. They don't know what they're missing!

Anyway, Carin got really upset. She was convinced something was wrong with me. She hustled me into that vet place and had them check me for some kind of roids. It sounded like thigh-roids. But aren't roids on your butt? Why would they need to poke me and take blood and put it in tubes if they thought I had roids? Wouldn't they just get that h stuff they have at the drugstore?

Anyway, the vet people called back and said I had no roids whatsoever. Well, I could have told them that. That made Carin happy, and I had to show her that I was fine. I figured if I didn't sniff stuff, then, she wouldn't take me in and have them poke me and check me for roids! I think I can love the yummy smells from afar. I don't want to get poked!

You know, I don't know what to make of the huppy now. He's not just gonna lay there and let me lick him! He likes to walk on all four of his legs now, and he's fast! Fast fast fast! He comes looking for me, and I don't know if I trust him. I run the other way. But then he just runs faster that way! He screeches and squalks and says things like babbagabbabulblblbloo-ee-oo-ee-aaa pfuff'f'f'f! He leans out of his huppy car and reaches for things he can touch. If carin isn't watching, he grabs a hold of my leash! Listen, huppy, Carin can give me corrections, not you. And I am not to be leaned on like some kind of canine cane. But he seems to like seeing me, so I think we can be friends. I just have to figure out if he's more human than puppy. Right now I'm confused.

I don't know what's up with this city. They decided to keep us on our toes, I guess. From day to day, where there once was sidewalk, it's been taken away and now there's a hole. They put orange things all over the place. One side of a street will be all blocked off with orange things, and then the next day it'll be the other side. Sometimes, they put things that I can go under, but Carin can't. I got in trouble because I went under one, and then remembered that Carin doesn't walk on four legs. She walks on two, so she can't go there. Sometimes, the buses don't go where they should, so I have to show Carin something she recognizes so she knows where we are. She gets confused and walks away from our home, so I walk all slow. Then she'll turn us around and I'll go fast fast fast. That usually gets the message across. But why can't we get off in our usual spot? Why are there loud things all over the place going hammerhammerhammer? Why did people decide we needed holes in the places we walk and people drive? Is it ever going to be normal again?

For a couple of months now, Carin has been doing a lot of talking about something called a GPS. I think that means all that weird stuff Carin puts on when we go out now. She puts this thing over her shoulder on a strap. The thing has buttons. Then, she straps this other thing on her shoulder that says things to her in something I don't understand, and then she has this other piece that she clips to her other shoulder. I don't know what it does, but she always makes sure it's all charged up. She says if that piece doesn't work, then the whole GPS thing won't work.

But what does GPS stand for? Hmmm. Guide Puppy System? But I thought I was the guide puppy system. Hmmm. Maybe it's Guide Puppy Supplement. She seems to like the way it talks to her when we're on the bus. I think it tells her where we are. So I guess if she doesn't believe me, she can check the guide puppy supplement. But hey! There's this wire thing that leads from the button thing to the talking thing. You know, If I rub my nose on that wire, and kind of hook it in there, maybe...maybe...I can get my gentle leader off! I know what it stands for. Guide Puppy Saviour! Or maybe it just stands for Gotta...Pull...this Stupid...thing off! But she doesn't like it when I do that, so that can't be what it means. Hmmm.

So Carin used to go to this place down the street when she wanted to get her fur cut. It smelled like things that make me go shukh. But it wasn't a bad place, mainly because I liked this one lady who trimmed up her fur. It also smelled like dogs, because I guess a little dog came to work there with one of the people who cuts people's fur. But we stopped going there a little while ago. I guess the lady who usually cuts her and the fat man's fur doesn't cut fur there anymore. Now, she cuts fur out of her own house!

I get really excited when I get to her house. Sometimes, Carin has to tell me to slow down because I just wanna get inside! But it's great, because Carin lets me out of my working clothes while this lady cuts Carin's fur. Pretty cool deal!

So, one day, when the fat man and Carin and I were there so they could get fur-cuts, she pulled out one of those things that goes flash! flash! and she got pictures of their furcuts. So, what do you think? Do you like what she did to their fur?



Other than that, things have been pretty much same old same old. I think I heard that the next month is going to be busy. I think I'm taking a chugga chugga bumpa bumpa thing to go see a play, and I think that other guy I love a whole lot is coming with us, but not the fat man. I don't know why the fat man isn't going with us, but oh well. Then I think we're going up to that conference thing where Carin spoke last year, but I don't think we're going to talk this time. We'll just listen. And I think I heard that the huppy has been around for a whole seven dog years soon, so they're going to bring people over and they'll all eat food and play with the huppy and watch him walk on his four legs and stuff. Maybe I'll be back here talking to you guys sooner than the last time. I'm sure I'll have stories to tell. Life is never dull.

Rob Finally Inspires :People To Do Something Other Than Claw Out Their Own Eardrums!

Remember when I talked about Rob Castrogiovani and his Paratransit song? When that song started, I kinda got excited because I thought he was parodying "The Times, They Are A Changin'". But alass, no, it was just some random tune. But Steve and I got thinking, and wondered if you could come up with a parody of that song on his theme. And we did! So, I give you, Paratrans, You Are Enragin'. I wonder if Bob Dylan would be proud.

You call up these people, when you need to roame,
They'll come pick you up and they'll bring you back home,
But your schedule, it must be etched into stone,
Even Though You might sit around waitin'.
You must give 24 hours when you call on the phone,
Paratrans, you are enragin'.

I really like how you come door to door,
but I haven't the need for that neat lowered floor.
Cuzz I've got the guide dog, it's not safe anymore,
The canines, we don't wanna be mamin'
I might as well have said nothing' as I rise through the door,
Paratrans, you are enragin'.

I was cooking in the kitchen, and I cut my hand,
But emergency trips they just don't understand.
The manager told me, there is no demand,
But that line I just cannot be takin',
Cuzz cab companies aren't made out of wheelchair vans,
Paratrans, you are enragin'.

I was job-huntin', got an interview call,
But the appointment got canceled and I've no ride at all,
So I'll sit in their office and I'll stare at the wall,
For the hour's that I will be waitin'
Should I just hang around 'til my follow-up call?
Paratrans, you are enragin'.

I'm not tryin' to complain, I remember the past,
When those without cars went nowhere and fast,
Compared to those times, this sure is a blast,
but I still need to say in summation,
There's room for improvement, we still feel second class
Paratrans, you are enragin'.

Yeah! We just need someone with a guitar, and we could record this thing!

Google Needs To Eat Some More Accessibility Dots

Remember how I mentioned that whole Google Pacman thing? Well, somebody went and bashed them pretty good for it, from a blind person's perspective. I can't say I agree 100%, but I can see some of the points here.

In the case of the Pacman game, I really didn't know what people were up in arms about. Google has a search field at the top of the page and lots of screenreaders have ways of getting you quickly to the search field. Even when they didn't, you always landed in Google's search field. So, search for something, click search, and bye-bye Pacman. The solution was simple.

But, what if they did something that wasn't so easy to fix? What if they did something that rendered Google unusable, and did so for a longer period of time? The idea that they didn't think blind folks may have had problems with the barrage of sound is a little concerning.

If that was their only screwup, I could forgive them. But look at Google Chrome. Is it accessible yet? It sure wasn't for a long time. There are small parts of Blogger that require you to do some pretty fancy footwork to get them to work. Some google forums are super hard to post in because of JAWS not consistently seeing the necessary edit fields.

So, I hope this Tom fellow is proven wrong, and their accessibility statement isn't just lip service. We'll see. I guess only time will tell.

You Have A Brown Back, And They Have Your Greenbacks!

If you're in Toronto, decide to take out some money at an ATM and suddenly find yourself squirted with poop, and surrounded by men who want to help you clean it up, do not let them help you. It's a trick to let them hold your purse while you clean yourself off...and then they take your cash.

How it works is while you're getting money out, one of them squirts you with feces. It doesn't say what kind of feces it is. Then they're all asking you if they can help you clean yourself off. They're particularly offering to hold your purse. Then they run off with it. They tend to go after people who are in isolated areas, so if they yell, nobody will hear.

Yuck! I'd heard of being squirted with ketchup, but poop? That's just gross.

Go Back To Sleep, Little Leech

Remember Ginger McGuire, that passenger who fell asleep on the plane? Well, now she's suing! She's trying to claim false imprisonment. Um how about no? I won't deny that waking up on a locked plane would be pretty scary, but it's not false imprisonment, it's an accident.

I love how she checked the time with her phone, but never thought of calling for help. Uh, you have your phone in your hand. At least try to call for help.

And the flight was only an hour! How did she manage to fall asleep so deeply? I guess it's possible, I once sat beside a snoring fellow on a city bus.

I hope this lawsuit gets dismissed. It's ridiculous.

More Money Than I'll Likely Ever See In My Life Pissed Away In A Week

1.1 Billion dollars and climbing. That's billion with a B, and it'swhat the federal government plans to spend on the G8 and G20 summits next month.Give yourself a few seconds to get your head around that number. I know I needed them, and even after taking them I still don't understand it.

Vic Toews can say everything he wants about how Canada is obligated to protect the world's leaders while they're here and how these costs have been budgeted for and are not a surprise, but it's still completely ridiculous and out of line with reality. Have none of these people ever heard of a conference call? They're pretty cheap nowadays. But Toews has an answer for that too, saying that meetings like this deal with issues that simply can't be dealt with over the phone or via video conference. What these issues are remains an unanswered question, as does the question of if the Americans could spend $18 million on security when they hosted the G20 the last time and they're complete maniacs in that area, why are Canadian taxpayers on the hook for $933 million? Even if you double $18 million because Canada is hosting both sets of meetings something doesn't quite add up, and by doesn't quite I mean it's not even fucking close. I'll even help the government's case out and convert that $36000000 from American to Canadian money. Doing so brings the cost of security up to $37,790,494.97, which is still a tiny bit off from federal projections.

And here's my other problem.

"This has been budgeted for, and the money is released as it is required," Toews said.

This from the same government that never seems to have money to throw at anything else, such as shit Canadians actually need. Not sure if any of you folks have noticed, but our health care system could use a little work, and I bet $1.1 billion might be pretty helpful. Or if you don't want to put it there, the Canada Pension Plan could use the cash bump especially now that all those baby boomers are hitting what's supposed to be retirement age. There's also the national debt. We should probably pay a bit of that sumbitch down at some point, no? Or if you want to be seen as the generous government that cares, why not help the provinces build affordable housing for the homeless and otherwise economically disadvantaged? I could go on,but it's pointless and just making me more and more angry...so I'll let this handy article do it for me.

The government is trying to justify what can't be justified. With waste like this, it's no wonderthey're all so reluctant to let the Auditor General look over parliaments expenses.

Chicken Suit For The Poll?

Hmmm. Here's a tricky one to wrap your head around.

Remember our buddy ol' pal Sue bring a chicken to the doctor Lowden? Well, her health care idea has caused quite the stir. People have been showing up at polling places dressed as chickens, and Nevada's Secretary of State has had enough. He banned people from coming to the polls dressed as chickens because he feels it could be electioneering for or against a candidate, since they are referencing Lowden with their chicken suits. But on the other side, freedom of speech folk say this opens the door to banning people for some random arbitrary thing and calling it electioneering, so they've been coming to the polls with their chicken suits on.

I can see both sides. There apparently is a law in Nevada saying that people can't come within 100 feet of polling places wearing any sort of badge that promotes or goes against a candidate because it could sway voting. But people, if given the power, could use the law to ban any old thing.

I guess the ban isn't working too well. Free speech activists are standing a little further than 100 feet with their chicken suits on, and polling folks have started quickly letting the chicken suits vote and then escorting them away. Either way, I don't think Lowden will be forgotten.

Smoke Rises, and Rizal Smokes.

Ok, I hope someone from Indonesia reads here, so they can explain this to me. How in hell does a two-year-old child start smoking? Actually, how does a two-year-old child already reach the point of having a 40-cigarette-a-day habit? Please explain to me how Ardi Rizal's situation is possible, because I can't figure it out.

I'm starting to think the dad might have something to do with it, since he thinks there's nothing wrong with the situation, but they say other young children in the country are smoking.

But this one seems exceptionally ridiculous. I wonder if dad will see a problem when junior has cancer at the tender age of 14, if he lives that long.

What The Hell Is A Foursquare Anyway

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It
Let Someone Else Report On This Bullshit

NEW YORK—While millions of young, tech-savvy professionals already use services like Facebook and Twitter to keep in constant touch with friends, a new social networking platform called Foursquare has recently taken the oh, fucking hell, can't some other desperate news outlet cover this crap instead?

Launched last year, Foursquare is unique in that it not only allows users to broadcast their whereabouts, but also offers a number of built-in incentives, including some innovative new crap The New York Times surely has a throbbing hard-on for.

In fact, why don't we just let them report on this garbage and call it a day?

"Foursquare is a little bit of everything—a friend-finder, a local city guide, an interactive mobile game," said company cofounder Dennis Crowley, as if reading from the same tired script used by every one of these Web 2.0 or whatever-the-fuck-they're-called startups. "But more than that, Foursquare is an [endless string of meaningless buzzwords we just couldn't bring ourselves to transcribe]."

Added Crowley, "[Who gives a shit]."

Leave It It's Bieber

Have you had about all of the Justin Bieber you can stand and then some? Do you use Firefox or are you willing to start? If you answered yes to these questions, Greg Leuch from the Free Art and Technology Lab is about to become your new hero.

Leuch has developed a Firefox add-on calledShaved Bieberthat can automatically or with just a couple of clicks deBieber your internet experience.

The tool, dubbed Shaved Bieber, evaluates any page a person is browsing and censors all mentions of the teen idol. It works on every site, from Twitter to Google to Wikipedia. People can even go to his personal home page and watch as every mention of Bieber is blocked out.

Shaved Bieber is available in two versions: an add-on, which does all the Bieber removal itself, or a bookmarklet, which requires a person to click on it before it hides mentions of the pop star. The tool also censors photos labeld "Bieber" or "Justin Bieber," so users don't even have to look at him.

If this catches on, how long do you figure it will take before we start seeing political themed versions of it? Just imagine if there was something like this when W was president.

To All Those Who Think My Dog Is A Slave

I can't remember if I've written about this before, so I guess I'll write about it now. If we have two posts on it, then I guess we do.

Today I walked into a store, and this guy walked towards us. Trixie tried to sniff him and I said no. He then said he had a dog at home. Then he poked me in the arm and said "Nothing against you," and then looked at my friend, talking right around me and said, "But I don't think it's natural that dogs do that sort of work." Then he walked off.

I have several problems with that whole thing. First, if you don't think it's right that my dog is working, then you can't say "nothing against you, but." You don't approve of what I'm doing. Grow a set of balls and talk to me.

Second, do not talk to my friend. Talk to me. If you have something to say, say it to me.

Third, don't walk away before I have a chance to respond. I guess I've made my point that you're a coward.

Fourth, since I could not talk to you because you walked away, allow me to address your point that it's not natural that dogs do this.

In case you didn't know, dogs are pack animals and like to be with their pack leader. Since we humans *should* end up being the pack leader, then wouldn't you think my dog would be pretty happy? She ends up going with her pack leader everywhere, and seeing all kinds of neat things along the way. Compare that to a pet dog who spends its life out in the yard or in the house, and sometimes ends up barking to amuse itself. Hey, I have nothing against pet dogs, but I'm making a comparison.

Perhaps the people who think that it isn't natural are misguided and think that Trixie has to work all the time. Nope. Whenever we're at home, she's free to be a dog. And, there have been many times when I take the harness off so she can say hi to people. All work and no play would make her a dull dog, so that's why she gets to play.

And most importantly, none of these dogs are forced to do this. Many dogs end up not becoming guide dogs because it becomes evident that they don't like the work. They run from the harness, become deflated when the harness is put on, or show other signs that this just isn't in it for them. At any time, as Trixie gets older, she could tell me she doesn't want to do this anymore. If they don't have the will to do something, they just won't do it. But for now, she still runs to me when I grab the harness, and she seems sad if I do leave without her. So, that's gotta be worth something.

So this little note goes out to everyone who thinks my dog is a slave. If she is, she's the happiest and most willing slave I've ever seen.

The Airline Got A Wake-Up Call

I know I can sleep soundly, but I doubt I could sleep through a plane landing, and then everybody getting off, and then keep on sleeping until a cleaning crew found me nearly four hours later. Ginger McGuire, you're one heavy sleeper. Either that, or you're really, really tired.

Don't Hold Your Breath. No, Really, Don't.

I know Bryan Parslow used to think seeing if he could hold his breath while passing through a hamlet was a fun game. Now, hopefully he's learned you shouldn't do that while driving. He can think about how dumb that was while his right leg heals.

And Steve And I Went To School With This Guy!

I saw this last night, and I thought about blogging it, but then thought it was cruel. But today, it keeps calling to be blogged.

I was talking to our good buddy Anton last night, and he happened to mention that another guy we went to school with found his way onto YouTube. I believe I mentioned this guy in my freak magnet post of years gone by. Yes, he was the one clapping, snorting, and divulging his full address when I asked him where he lived.

Now, he wants to have a musical career. If this is his full potential, oh dear dear. But here it is, for what it is. Rob Castrogiovani's first video, and here's his second one.

That was quite the um, singing? I guess it has to be called that. I wonder if both of his feet hurt.

Dinner Wasn't Hot, So Now The House Is

I wonder if Guy Edward Jones knows Rajah Theiveneraeas . Both men have a similar reaction to not having dinner ready for them. I.e. burn down the house. At least in Jones's case, he was the only one inside when it happened. And, not that it makes it any better, but he was drunk. I think Theiveneraeas was stone sober when he did what he did.

And you know what this means, don't you? Burning down one's house because dinner isn't ready has now happened twice! Eek!

Scam Warning

Here's a little warning for everyone. If you get an email from a friend of yours that says they got mugged while in England, and now can't get home without your help, don't believe it. Likely, someone has hacked your friend's email.

I had heard about this phenomenon happening on Facebook, where a hacker would get someone's password and then send a message to their friends groups, but just yesterday, I got two very similar emails from two people who wouldn't know each other at all, so I thought others might be receiving the same thing. Here are the two emails I received, with all personal information removed.

subject: Rescue!

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes,my family and I came down here to Wales,United kingdom for a short vacation unfortunately we were robbed at the park of the hotel where we stayed,worse of it was that our bags, cash , credit cards and cell phone were stolen of us at GUN POINT, it's such a crazy experience for us.

we need help flying back home and the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is that we still have our passports but don't ave enough money to get our flight tickets back home and pay for the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave.I'm just gonna have to plead with you to lend me some funds right now,i'll pay back as soon as I get home. We need to sort the hotel bills and get on the next available flight home.

Thanks very much! - xxxxx

Subject: Dilema!

How you doing? We made a trip to London (United Kingdom) unannounced some days back, Unfortunately we got mugged at gun point last night! All cash, Credit cards and phone were stolen, we got messed up in another country, stranded in London, fortunately passport was back in my hotel room. It was a bitter experience and i was hurt on my right hand, but would be fine. I am sending you this message cos i don't want anyone to panic, we want you to keep it that way for now!I have been to the police and embassy here, but they aren't helping issues,I have limited means of getting out of here, we canceled our cards already and made a police report, I won’t get a new card number till I get back home! So I really need your help.

I Need you to loan me $2,500 You could wire whatever you can spare to
my name and Location via Western Union, below is all you need:

Receiver's Name -xxxx
Location - xxxxxx

I still have my passport so I can use it as identification, email me the transfer details and the confirmation # would def refund it to you once we arrive hopefully tomorrow.

So if your friend suddenly loses command of the English language and starts writing like that, it's probably not him or her. So, most importantly, don't send any money. Talk to your friend through another way, like phone or messenger or another email address and tell them what you received. And, please don't let your first reaction be "What? Send you money? I'm not made of money!" because your friend is probably not asking for money. A hacker is hoping you'll fall for this. Don't.

Hopefully, after I write this, my email address doesn't start sending out emails asking for money. If It does, leave a comment up here and let me know. Crazy, crazy hackers!

My Interview

Well, on Friday I mentioned I was getting interviewed on CFRU. Here is the result. You can also go to the Royal City Rag website and click on past shows and listen via the little flash player thingy. But since it is encoded as opaque, us screenreader-users can't click the buttons, so she was kind enough to provide direct download links for each hour of the show up on the site. I'm in the second hour, at about the 20-minute mark I start to blabber.

For the most part I sounded way better than when we recorded me with the silly Victor, but there is one point where I clip clip clipperoo! Ouch! I can even break a radio mic! I haven't heard it yet, and I dread hearing it, but I've been told about my laugh that kills the ears.

Jan Hall is cool. Just hearing her introduce me made me feel much more at ease about this whole interview. And, she may be coming to our event to record some live action! How cool is that?

So, there ya go. You can watch me try and do an interview. Wooohooo.

PPV Prediction Contest Update

Quick PPV prediction contest update here.

When last I wrote about it, I was at 34 points after Wrestlemania. For some reason I never got updated standings after the last show, but from the looks of what I'm seeing in the update following Over the LimitEdge,I got 5 matches right at Extreme Rules, putting me at 39. As an aside, what does it say about how memorable wrestling shows are now that I had to look up the name of the last show to make sure it really was Extreme Rules? That show only happened on April 25th.

So anyway, now that Over the Limit is in the books I can update again. I didn't have such a good night. I only got 3 right out of 8, which brings me up to 42 for the year. there is currently a 3-way tie for the lead, which right now stands at 50. If I'm going to catch up I've got some work to do and not much time in which to do it. I think there are only 2 or perhaps 3 events left to be counted before the contest ends. And for all those concerned, Ryan S. is still at 4, but if he tries really hard he might be able to pull out a victory.

Now for some quick PPV thoughts. Don't watch it, it's pretty much useless. The only things I'll remember for sure are Randy Orton doing that stupid pound the mat during the setup for the RKO thing and popping his shoulder, and how moronic it was that after that match ended early they didn't change plans and gave us a 5 minute Swagger vs. big show title match that ended in a disqualification. Even the I Quit Match which I thought might be pretty good wasn't much to speak of. I spent most of the show saying 3 things to myself:

1. that wasn't much of a match.
2. Why would they do that?
3. I'd be some pissed if I'd spent 40 bucks to watch this.

Yeah, that about covers it. Just a totally missable show that I don't want to talk about anymore. I'll be back later on to talk about something else that's hopefully more fun.

Homeowners Screwing Homeowners

Wow! This Homeowners' Association definitely went to the Chick Edwards school of Prickish Homeowners' Associations. The story goes that Michael Clauer went away to fight in Iraq, and his wife fell into a deep depression. The mail started piling up, and she wasn't opening any of it. In that mail pile were some bills from the Homeowners' Association. Because she didn't pay them, they foreclosed on the house. It said something about her living at another house, so I guess she didn't know about the foreclosure. Then, there was a six-month period in which they could appeal, but she missed that too. So, Clauer came home to find out the house had been auctioned off for $3500. Now that he's home, he's suing them for doing all this while he was away, because apparently there's a law that says action like this cannot be taken against someone while he's serving in the military. Of course, the association claimed they didn't know he was away. Uh-huh.

Yeah, and homeowners' associations are good things. Give me one example of something positive one has done.

So...How Did You Two Meet?

Aww. What a story! Two people were both thinking about ending it all. They both came to the same bridge to jump. But he stopped her from jumping, and they fell in love! Wow! What are the odds? Andriej Ivanov and Maria Petrova should buy some lottery tickets. They are the luckiest pair ever.

Who Wants A Can Of Plop?

Ug! I did think about making a float, ya know, with pop and ice cream, but after reading this story of something else floating in a kid's soda, that craving is gone. It ran for the hills, calling for mamma.

What in hell would possess someone to crap in someone's soda? And that's a strange group of kids who thought it was ha ha ha hilarious when the other kid went glug glug glug on the soda poop as the story called it. Maybe I'll chalk it up to it being a nervous laugh. Maybe.

I'm glad the pooper is getting charged. He should.

Gross gross gross!

Good News For Barbie, Not So Much For Carl

Well, I have an update on the dogs that stayed by their master's side when she died and weren't found for two weeks, and it is bittersweet. Barbie has found a home. Carl, unfortunately, couldn't handle all that had happened to the poor boy, suffered a stroke and had to be put down. Poor thing. That would be hard on a dog.

I'm glad Barbie has found a new home. I hope she is loved just as much there.

I'm About To Say Something Stupid!

Oh boy. Time to add something you shouldn't do to our list.
don't text someone about how you're about to rob someone, and then drop your phone at the scene, and don't say "I'm about to commit a crime" on your phone right outside somebody's window before breaking into the neighbour's house. Got that, Kevin Wayne Weathersby?

You Never Count Your Money, When You're Stickin' Up The BK, There'll Be Time Enough For Countin', When The Getaway's Done

So, we established that you shouldn't text while holding someone at gunpoint. Now, we think it's a good idea to change that rule to "just don't put the gun down." If Jason Robinson had followed this rule, he wouldn't have set the gun down to count the money he just stole. He also wouldn't have gotten shot in the thigh by his would-be victim, and he wouldn't have been held in a headlock until police could take him away.

Take Me Out To The Airport

I have a question for the people who do the scheduling for Major League Baseball. why is it that the Blue Jays never seem to play home games on long holiday weekends? I'm sure that there are complexities involved with pulling dates out of one's ass that I don't understand (that is how you guys do this isn't it?), but doesn't it seem kind of stupid to you that Canada's only major league team is always somewhere else when it should be here? Think of the money you're not making. Everybody loves a good game on a nice day, and think of the ad revenue your TV and radio partners could be raking in based on all of the extra people who would surely be watching and listening at home if the games were played at a decent goddamn hour. We Canadians have all this extra afternoon time to catch a game, but instead this weekend our team is out on the west fucking coast playing at weird ass hours, and for what? Is Victoria Day an American holiday? No. what about Canada Day? No, but that day the Jays are on the road playing the Indians. How about Sit In A Lawn Chair And Scratch Your Nuts Day or whatever the hell that long weekend in August is called? Again not an American holiday, but it might as well be since the Jays will be busy hopefully beating the Yankees that day. At least in July and August the games are during the afternoon and it looks like we get a bone thrown our way on Labour Day in the form of a 1:07 PM home start against Texas, but this weekend is ridiculous. the only day game we get is today at 4. Tomorrow on the actual holiday things don't get underway until 10 PM. What the hell is that? We have 1 team up here, that's all. One damn team. Why can't we have it when it would do us the most good? And blue Jays Management, why are you allowing this to go on? Shouldn't you be fighting for home games just as hard or even harder than the fans? Or is what people say true, that you really couldn't give less of a fuck about the customer experience if you tried?

On a happier note, today is going to be a good day. The sun is shining and we have our 1 scrap of afternoon ball, and the plan is to take full advantage of it. Drinks will be flowing and what I hope will be some mighty homemade burgers will be consumed. The pool at our building is even open now so we can use that if we'd like, but I'm not sure I will. It'll probably still be way too cold for me, damn Feverfew. By the way, does anybody else take that stuff and have that problem? I used to be able to handle the cold really well, but now it goes right through me even when it's not that bad. Oh well, I'd rather that than week long migraines. Anyway, I digress. However you're spending your long weekend, have fun. and if you don't have a long weekend to celebrate, enjoy some baseball in your own park and time zone.

Over The What?

I want to run something past whatever wrestling fans there might still be left in the world, because I don't think I've seen this mentioned anywhere and I need to know if I'm alone here.

Tonight is WWE's May pay-per-view, Over the Limit. They just came up with that name this year, it used to be called Judgment Day if memory serves. But in the late 1990's it used to be known as Over the Edge, and that's why we're here.

There's a very good reason why WWE doesn't use the Over the edge name anymore. On May 23rd, 1999, there was an Over the Edge show in Kansas City. Owen Hart, while preparing for a ridiculous stunt, fell from the rafters of the building and was killed in one of the most tragic incidents I can ever remember in wrestling.

My questions are these. What month is it, and what is today's date? In case you're slow or reading this late, today is May 23, 2010. It is 11 years to the day since Owen Hart's untimely death. Here's another question. Over the Limit, Over the Edge. Isn't that even the tiniest bit creepy? It is to me. No matter how good tonight's PPV is, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to fully enjoy it. Thankfully Owen's fall wasn't shown live because it happened during a video package, but I'll never forget the aftermath and what it felt like to be watching things unfold that night. It's going to be hard to watch this show and not think about that.

I'm almost positive that the similarity between the names is a complete coincidence, but there's a part of me that wonders whether that's true. WWE does have a tendency to do horribly insensitive death related things likepretending to kill Vince McMahon right around the 1 year anniversary of Chris Benoit killing himself and his family,so maybe they are doing this on purpose. I hope not, but who really knows anymore?

Now I'll turn things over to you, wrestling fans and non-fans alike who have red this all the way through. Am I way off base with this one or have I given a voice to a thought you had but couldn't quite express? I'd like to hear your thoughts, because this is really weirding me out.

When I Think About This, My Mind Goes Reel

Edit: Hey, family with the kids in the video. Get your video here, red hot!

I wish I could find the song...but I can't, but I still want to talk about it.

Has anyone else heard the Toyota commercial with a song in it that sounds like it's saying "This smile, I'm giving you to keep. When I think about you, my heart goes beep."? I have since learned that a. it's impossible to find, and b. it was sung by Ian LeFeuvre.

I do have to say that it's a pretty catchy groovy song. But does it seriously say "My heart goes beep?" If my heart is going beep, I'm not in good shape. Either it's a monitor going beep, or I've needed some kind of electronics implanted in my heart that might go beep. Does Toyota really want us to think about people's hearts going beep right after recalling a whole bunch of cars? I'm just sayin'.

If it says "My heart goes beat," I guess I'll have to take it all back. But then, um, if his heart doesn't go beat when he's not thinking about his hot new love, then I think he'd be in serious trouble too.

If anyone finds the song, please send me a link. It gets in my head sometimes.

Accessibillity News: It's Already Taught Me Something

A while ago, I learned about this cool little weekly email called Accessibility News. I finally got subscribed, and what do I see in the first issue I receive? Something I didn't know that is definitely useful to me! I learned where folks in Canada can send their Perkins Brailler! So, I figured I'd send the info on for anyone else who may want it.

Perkins Brailler, Service and General Repairs The Perkins Brailler, an integral tool in the life of those Canadian's living with a sensory disability and key to their ability to produce and communicate through the use of Braille. For those Canadians who have come to depend on this tool, where do you get this important device serviced or repaired without having to ship it to the US?

A Canadian solution, utilizing official Perkins parts and components we can clean, service and perform general repairs to your Perkins Brailler without the headaches of shipping to the US. We offer competitive pricing, effective customer service and prompt turn around times for servicing and repairing your Brailler. For further details or to schedule a servicing of your Perkins Brailler, send an E-mail to: perkins@nexx-step.com

Neat! I always knew about braillerman.com, but he's American, and I'm Canadian, and if I can avoid shipping my brailler across the border, I'm down with that. I'll have to try them out next time my poor old beast is in need of repair. I've had the machine since I was 4. Now there, there's something that'll make it through the long hall!

If you're interested in signing up to Accessibility News, here's the info.

Accessibility News Newsletter

This Newsletter covers a wide variety of articles from Local to International issues on accessibility and disability and comes out every Saturday.

To join the weekly Newsletter send an email to
info@accessibilitynews.ca with the subject “COAAC Subscribe”.

If you don't get on on the first try, send the friendly folks an email and say you're not getting the newsletter. They'll fix ya right up. Or, go read it online at www.accessibilitynews.ca. Happy reading.

I'm Getting Interviewed On The Radio!

Here's some news. How much people like hearing my voice will decide whether it's good or bad. Hahaha!

I am getting interviewed by Jan Hall on CFRU tomorrow morning as part of the Royal City Rag show. Yup, little ol' me will be on the radio for an interview! It'll be in the second hour of the show, from 8 until 9, somewhere around 8:20-ish, give or take. So, if you're in the city and want to hear it, turn the FM dial to 93.3 and have a listen. If you're not from around here, you can tune in to the stream here. With any luck, we'll be able to snag a copy. I don't know though.

Wish me luck. I'm only a little nervous. Hopefully that won't change when I get in there and a mic is in my face.

Google Wishes Pacman A Happy Anniversary, And The Internet Masses Freak

Here's a little note for everyone. Today, when you go to Google, and it starts making Pacman noises, don't freak out. It's, uh, kinda the 30th anniversary of the release of the Pacman video game, and Google is celebrating by having a little Pacman gamelet on the site. You can even play! Well, sorta. I figured out that if you shut off the virtual cursor, or MSAA or whatever the heck it's called in your screenreader land, if you move the arrows, you can eat dots. You don't get miles and miles of feedback, but hey, you can kinda maybe play.

I just thought I'd say something, since two friends, one blind and one sighted, and a whole lotta listserve-members flipped out when they heard the noise.

And to those who want to go beat down the people at Google who came up with this, relax. It'll be gone tomorrow. And all you have to do to get rid of the woo woo noise is to search for something. So chill. I happen to think it's kinda cute.

iCrash

Ok. I can't see what's going on here, but does this steering wheel-mounted iPad look safe? How can he say you're not distracted at all? Yes you are! Just because your eyes don't physically leave the level of the road doesn't mean you're less distracted. Your mind is paying more attention to the riveting newspaper article that you're reading than that pedestrian you just ploughed over.

I already nearly get mowed down when I cross the road. I don't need dimwits using iPads in their cars too.

Did The Judge Give Her An Earful?

Remember the woman who bit off part of that guy's ear at a restaurant back in March? Well, that got her 60 days in jail. She did a lot of apologizing at her hearing, but not a lot of explaining why she would bite off a chunk of a guy's ear and swallow it!

At one point, Susan Mwarabu said she had disappointed a lot of people. I don't know if disappointed is quite the word I would be looking for. Maybe mystified? Dumbfounded?

Anyway, she gets to take her time to turn herself in because she needs to visit her sick mother in Kenya. Hopefully she doesn't get hungry on the plane.

Jesus Christ Behind Bars

Travis Emmett Wiley had to have been on drugs. Does he look like he was on drugs? I don't know how else to explain how he managed to accumulate this giant list of charges.

sexual battery, strong-arm robbery, home invasion, driving with a revoked or suspended driver's license, possession of stolen property, providing a false name to a law enforcement officer, petty theft, disorderly conduct and two counts of felony battery.

Are you not convinced? Get a load of this description of what he did.

A videotape captured Wiley getting out of a stolen car in the parking lot of the Don CeSar, 3400 Gulf Blvd., about 10:22 a.m. Wednesday. He left the car running with its lights on, prompting hotel security to check the license plate, which revealed the car was stolen.

Before security could find Wiley, he forced his way into a room about noon, knocking a female guest inside with the door. He took money, credit cards, gift cards, a cell phone, stamps, a Dell laptop computer and a computer bag or backpack.

When the room's male guest returned, Wiley was leaving with his suitcase and backpack. The man chased Wiley to the elevator, they scuffled and Wiley punched the man in the forehead.

Wiley bolted north. In the 3700 block of Gulf Boulevard, he pulled down the bottoms of a woman who was sunbathing on the beach face-down with a head-set on, reports state. He touched the woman inappropriately, said, "I'm Jesus," and told her he was going to have sex with her and wasn't going to apologize because he had created her.

A Don CeSar security guard grabbed Wiley at 3820 Gulf Blvd. Wiley hit the guard in the hand, possibly breaking it, reports state.

He's jesus, eh? Wonder if he can turn water into cash. He'll need about $181,750 to bail him out of jail.

That would be one scary moment for the girl he attacked. There she is with a headset on, and has no idea what's coming, and here he comes.

Now, he and Lord Jesus Christ will have to fight over who's really Jesus.

Give Two Wonderful Dogs A Home

There is an update to this story. Barbie has found a home, and unfortunately, Carl is no longer with us.

I received an email from Megan, you know, Megan with Pasta. I've mentioned her and Pasta before. She told me about a truly sad story, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to spread the word. I never know who reads this blog. So here's the story.

If you or someone you know lives in Southern California, specifically Los Angeles County, more specifically the city of Lancaster, please read this touching story of two great dogs and see if you can help. It seems that a wheelchair bound quadroplegic woman passed away in her home in Lancaster, CA. She had two dogs, Carl, her service dog, and Barbie, a pet, who stood loyally by her side for two weeks, as nobody knew she had died. They had no food the entire two weeks' time but somehow survived the ordeal. Carl is an 8-year-old Australian Shepherd and Barbie is a 7-year-old Cocker Spanniel mix. After being found, the dogs were taken to the LA County animal shelter in Lancaster. They are being held there until May 29th to give relatives a chance to claim them. But, none of the woman's family wants or can take them. The woman's neece is asking that if anyone is interested in adopting them, for them to contact her at _robynmeister(at)hotmail(dot)com (I wrote out the @ and . to prevent potential spamming.) Her name is Robyn Moormeister-Carter, and she can arrange a meeting with her father at the animal shelter in Lancaster to transfer ownership of the dogs before the 29th. After this, animal control gets the dogs and they could be put down if homes are not found.

If you live in the Lancaster area and are interested or if you know someone who is, please consider adopting these loyal companions and/or passing this information along. I hate the idea of any healthy dog being put to sleep, but especially when one of these dogs is a service dog. They've been through so much with watching their person pass away and being without food for two weeks and now are in cages. Its just really sad.

Please consider passing this along to anyone in Southern California who may be interested so these doggies find a new home.

Megan was nice enough to give me some pictures. So here they are.


Just look at those pooches. Somebody's got to want to scoop 'em up and take 'em home.

I know I'm nowhere near southern California, but I never know who reads...so there's the info. Let's find these wonderful dogs a new home, preferrably a home for both of them together!

By the way, here's Megan's
blog. I pop over from time to time.

What's This Guy Trying To Do, Kill The UK Tag?

I'll believe it when I see it since this hope and change stuff tends to be a lot easier said than done, butevery bit of thisis great news for the citizens of the UK if it's true.

Britain's new deputy prime minister has pledged to curb the country's extensive system of official surveillance and data collection by scrapping an unpopular national identity card program, limiting the retention of DNA samples and regulating the spread of closed-circuit television cameras (CCTVs).

Nick Clegg said Wednesday the coalition government was rolling back government monitoring after years of complaints from rights groups that personal freedoms have been sacrificed in the name of national security.

"This government will end the culture of spying on its citizens," Clegg said during a speech in north London. "It is outrageous that decent, law-abiding people are regularly treated as if they have something to hide. It has to stop."

I'm Flingin' My Feces, While I Drive The Bus

I don't think I can speak. I'm just going to let the article do the talking. School Bus feces: School bus driver fired after being caught relieving herself on bus You understand why I'm speechless now?

Neighbors first showed FOX6 where the driver allegedly was dropping off bags filled with her own waste. It was near I-94 and 60th St. One of the neighbors actually caught on camera, the driver in the act of using the bags as a bathroom. A second tape and another witness backs up the acts.

One of the neighbors said, "She took down her pants and turned around and did something you'd probably never do on a bus... The bus would stop right here by the curb, once in a while by the telephone pole."

The video that neighbor shot shows the driver flicking a cigarette out of the bus, driving down one block and then dumping her own waste along the street.

It's gross anyway, but I hope she wasn't doing this with a bus full of kids on there.

It's That Semple

Remember when I ate Gord Semple's letter to the editor for breakfast? Well, it made the paper, with some minor changes. Yea! I wonder if he will respond?

Chris Ball: All Balls, No Brains

Chris Ball wants to be a stunt man. So, he's been videoing himself doing some pretty risky and irresponsible things, and he thinks this will help get him into Hollywood. I urge him to do a little research. Stunt men don't just throw themselves on the roofs of cars or on moving trains. They do things as safely as possible and they don't put others in danger either. I guess I shouldn't assume anything. All he said in hisvideo response to the CTV report was that he hoped it would take him somewhere. Keep it up, Chris, and it will take you to a pine box.

Here are two videos I found. Here's one of him surfing on the roof of mom's jeep from two years ago. I'm sure mommy dearest appreciated him using her car like that, along with risking his life and those of his friends. Apparently she's completely supportive of his activities...but she didn't find out about what he did until he was 18 so she's all cool with it. Until I hear it from his mom's lips, I have my doubts. But oh, he does much better stuff now. Now, he only jumps on top of moving trains and such. I love how he's repeatedly going "I don't know what I'm gonna do now." Yeah, that was a great idea.

There's a part of me that wonders if he's trying to kill himself. I don't mean to think such dark things, but the moving train video really made me wonder. He starts off "I had a bad day so I'm going to jump on this train." Then he doesn't know how he's going to get down. I sincerely hope that's not what's going on.

Chris, I know you think all the negative feedback is worthless, but I think a lot of people who are getting mad are getting mad because you're putting yourself in way too much danger. Jumping on moving trains and falling off cliffs isn't going to get you into stunt school. In fact, it might get you rejected from it because you may be judged too unsafe.

Royal Bang

Here we go again with a noble cause, but the people behind it are doing things in a stupid way. There's a bunch of people who are concerned about homelessness and native rights. So, because they feel that the Olympic Games have increased the homelessness problem in Vancouver, and they say the land used for the games is under dispute as to who owns it, and Royal Bank sponsored a bunch of Olympic stuff, they thought the way to get their point across was to firebomb an Ottawa branch of Royal bank and post a video of their actions. It's an avi file that can be found at the above link, and here as well.

Well, at least they weren't puncturing the tires of random construction trucks. Even though their actions will change no minds, there was somewhat of a connection.

I really have nothing to say, except what the hell do they think this is going to accomplish? Making threats like

On June 25-27 2010, the G8/G20 ‘leaders’ and bankers are meeting in Huntsville and Toronto to make decisions that will further their policies of exploitation of people and the environment. We will be there.

will only serve to lengthen their list of charges when they are tracked down. When you say that below a video of a burning bank, that can only be taken as a threat.

And what the fuck does this even mean?

We pass the torch to all those who would resist the trampling of native rights, of the rights of us all, and resist the ongoing destruction of our planet. We say: The Fire This Time.

I understand that you can only say so many words, that some action has to happen sometimes, but this is the wrong kind of action. If you don't like Royal Bank's practices, don't bank there, and advocate that others not bank there. Don't blow up a building. You forget that firefighters had to be dispatched to deal with the consequences. What if they were needed elsewhere? Do you want to take responsibility for the possible deaths of people who needed help and couldn't get it because fire personnel were busy putting out your fire? Those people didn't send money to the Olympic games. Why should they suffer too? Oh...you didn't think of that? Well, think next time. While you're busy trying to save the planet, think of your neighbour as well.

National Access Awareness Week Promo, Radio Edition.

Well, here comes another episode of let's giggle at Carin trying to make a radio ad. I think next time, I might get Steve to voice the ad. Even though people seem to think so, I don't think I make good radio ads.

I made 2 ads for our upcoming National Access Awareness Week, one just sort of going over the whole event, and one going into more detail about what the Accessible Customer Service Standard is, because after we made the first ad, someone else heard it and went, "the who to the what now standard?"

So get ready to giggle, cackle and howl. Or maybe that's the way I feel because it's my own voice. At least this time, it doesn't sound like I want topunch the mayor.

Here's the first one, and here's the second one. Thankfully, these will only grace the airwaves for another week.

10 Strange Beers From Around The World

In Canada, this coming weekend is a long holiday one, and you know what that means. Beer, and hopefully lots of it. But if you're sick of the same old brew and want something different,here are a few you may not have tried,which may or may not be a good thing.

Pizza Beer made the list, but I'm not sure if the comments are positive or negative. By the way, Tom, if you're reading this, any update on getting the stuff into Canada? I'm still waiting to try it.

One thing I'm not waiting to try is Bilk, which is probably exactly what you think it is.

And I like the description of number 9, simply called Chilli Beer.

Overall, it looks unappealing, it smells unappealing, and it tastes like watered-down hot sauce. It was a chore to drink even a couple of small sips.

Bottoms up, everyone.

What?

I was just looking at the comments on an entry at another blog when I came across this fabulous bit of mangled spam. anybody have the foggiest idea what it's supposed to be about? I'm not clicking the link at the bottom to find out.

I enjoyed the article and thanks recompense posting such valuable book more wisely of all of us to insert to, I institute it both of secure alternative to and revealing and I graph to up into the responsive arrogance it as commonly as I can.

Yeah...couldn't have said it better myself.

Headline Confuses

Swimmer drowns

This headline got me thinking. Can you still technically use the word swimmer? I mean if he was swimming he wouldn't be drowning, right?

Save A Dog, But Only IfIt Looks Perfect

What in hell is wrong with people? If you're going to a shelter to give a dog a home, should it matter what it looks like?

Because of overbreeding, a couple of female dogs had sagging nipples. People would see them and then ask to see other dogs. It took doing cosmetic surgery on the dogs' nipples before they were taken home.

I understand people asking what was wrong with the nipples, but I would think that as soon as the shelter people explained what happened to the dogs and why it made their nipples sag, that would actually make the person want to adopt the dog more. It was abused, and now it can have a nice home.

So, if you're a dog and want to be adopted, don't be black, and don't develop sagging nipples, even if the circumstances behind that are beyond your control. You'll never be loved again if not for cosmetic surgery.

The 6 Most Horrific Lessons Ever Taught In Elementary School

If you want to feel good about packing the kids off to school for another day, perhaps readingthismight not be for you. But if you're wondering what in hell is wrong with people nowadays, it might answer a few of your questions.

One question it won't answer though is how they ever managed to limit it to 6.

I Don't Know A Lot About Geometry, But This Teacher Is Obtuse.

Here comes Ann with another doozer.

And here I thought the guy who wrote out the alternate meaning for change was bad. Oh, I have something far worse.

An unnamed teacher in Alabama thought he had a new way of teaching parallel lines and angles in his geometry class. At what angle would you have to stand to shoot Obama and hit him? He found out what the Secret Service thought he was angling to do, and he found out how quickly he can be interrogated. Luckily for him, they didn't think he posed a threat. The schoolboard has since placed him on leave.

I still think that if a kid had said the exact same words, he would have been in a juvenile detention facility before he knew what hit him. Well, maybe that wouldn't have happened in Alabama. I don't know. The parents were quick to forgive him, saying that he made a mistake. Mistake? That's a humdinger of a mistake. Or did I miss the news that the definition of the word mistake had changed? I mean, people can piss on the ball field during the anthem and it's also considered a stupid mistake.

Would You Like Prison Time With That?

I think Melanese Reid has some serious anger issues. Yeah, it sucks when the person at the drive-through gets your order wrong. But ya don't try to slap him and then run into the restaurant and chase him around trying to shoot him with a stun gun. All this over some mustard and mayo? Seriously? Relax. There are bigger things to get worked up about, as you will find out when you head off to jail when you're sentenced.

I shouldn't laugh, but I love the quoted description of her running around with the stun gun after the poor fellow. "She walked in with a taser and she was like pressing it, ‘Zz, zz, zz!’ And then she walked in Wendy’s, came in the back and tried to tase Jason. It was
crazy." Yeah, I agree with that assessment.

They Cleaned Them Out Alright.

I can see having people on probation work off their fines by cleaning a courthouse. But if you're doing that, you'd better have pretty good supervision and cameras that are either monitored or recording. Otherwise, 2 43-inch TV's may walk out with the cleaning crew. That's what the Lowell Superior Court discovered.

There are two things I can't figure out about this story. How did the supervisor in the building miss two dudes carrying out two TV's? And why wouldn't you have surveillance footage at least recorded when you're going to have a crew of criminals in the building? It seems dumb to have surveillance equipment become non-functional when you have 5 potential thieves rummaging through the building under the guise of cleaning it.

Well, there will be no more crews of folks on probation cleaning the place. I wonder what will happen to the supervisor.

They Got the Smash Part Down...

Here's a pair of guys who were not meant to be burglars. They broke into a nail salon to steal a 42-inch TV, but couldn't get it out of its brackets. So they left. The salon-owner repaired the door, only to have the pair return a night later and fail to get the TV out for a second time. Not to be denied, they left there and broke into a Comcast Cable office a few doors down. They got a TV out of there, but as soon as the alarm went off, they dropped it and ran.

Nope, a life of crime is definitely not for you two.

O Say Can You Pee...

Here's a message to all kids out there. Next time someone dares you to drain the lizard on the baseball field during the national anthem, it would be better to just say no and let them call you a chicken. I'm sure one particular kid is realizing that now.

I love all the "Oh but he didn't know he was doing something unpatriotic..." crap. Yeah, because it's customary to whip it out and take a big all pee on the field while everyone sings the anthem. He's in high school, he should have known better.

Looks Like We're Going To Have To Learn The Words Again

Gordon Lightfoot hasdecided to change some of the words to The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgeraldafter seeing a documentary called Dive Detectives which claims that the ship's sinking might not have been due to open hatches as the official records show, but rather to a rogue wave that could have been strong enough to topple it. According to the CBC there are no plans for a new recorded version of the song, but he'll be singing some new lyrics during concerts from now on.

I'm all for being historically accurate, but I can't help thinking that this is going to take a lot of getting used to. Has anybody heard it? How much has actually been changed? I'd love to see a video or at least read the lyrics as they are now. If I can find either or both I'll definitely post them.

For now,here's the original.Good luck getting it out of your head.

If You Believe

It's time to dish out another plug for our friend Anton, who will be in yet another play next month. I think this is his third. Here are all of the details. Why not check it out if you're in the area or feel like taking a trip?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Out of Sight Productions presents
a Re-creation of the 1946 Radio Drama
If You Believe
from the Old Time Radio Series
The Mysterious Traveler
London, Ontario, May 7, 2010 - Out of Sight Productions, London’s leading theatre company featuring sight-challenged performers, is excited to again present a bold, new venture in contemporary theatre: the re-creation of an old time radio show the way it was originally intended to be performed - live in front of you the studio audience. Out of Sight Productions’ incredible team of actors, sound designers and animators will be gathering around the old RCA microphone to create radio-theatre magic. The drama If You Believe, which originally aired in 1946 as part of the Mysterious Traveler Series, will again be brought to life with its chilling tale of the power of negative thought and its deadly consequences.

If You Believe will be performed at the CNIB Auditorium, 749 Base Line Road East:
Saturday, June 5 at 3:00 and 7:30pm
Sunday, June 6 at 3:00pm
Saturday, June 12 at 3:00 and 7:30pm
Sunday, June 13 at 3:00pm

Admission is Free - a small donation to help support the work of Out of Sight Productions would be gratefully appreciated.

For further information, please contact Kelly MacDonald at:
Out of Sight Productions
Phone: 519-675-0379
Email: info@oosproductions.com
Web: www.oosproductions.com

A Cool Piece Of Blue Jays History: Audio Of Their First Home Run

I'm not sure exactly where this came from, but I'm glad it's here.

This is audio of Tom Cheek's call of the first ever home run in Toronto Blue Jays history.It was hit by Doug Ault on april 7th, 1977, the Blue Jays home opener. Ault hit 2 homers that day, helping the Jays to a 9-5 win over the Chicago White Sox.

This happened 2 years before I was born, so obviously I didn't get to hear it at the time. Thank you, internet. Is there nothing you can't do?

Finally Some News Worth Watching

This is pretty cool.

The Onionisgetting its own show on the Independent Film Channel.The show will be called Onion News Network which I assume means it will be similar to the videos that are already posted online under that name, and will begin airing next year.

"It just seems to us, CNN, Fox News and MSNBC are already doing such great comedy out there, without a whole lot of competition," Will Graham, executive producer of Onion News Network, told The New York Times.

"We thought it was about time that someone really gave them a run for their money."

We get the IFC here, but I'm pretty sure we don't have it in our current wack of stations. would it be worth it for more than just watching the Onion show?

A Couple Of Late So Longs

I want to take a second to mention a couple of deaths that I've been meaning to post about but haven't for one reason or another.

First isFess Parker,most famous for playing the roles of Davey Crockett and Daniel Boone. He was 85.

My dad really loved both characters and watched them whenever he could, and reruns of Daniel Boone were still on TV until recently when the jerks at Canwest scrapped the Lonestar channel and started calling it MovieTime. does anybody know if it's still on anywhere in Canada? I'm sure dad would like to know.

As for me, I always loved the Daniel Boone theme song, and now seems like as good a time as any toshare it.

The second person in need of a mention is former wrestler and announcerBilly Red Lyons,who died last year at the age of 77 after a long battle with cancer.

Like a lot of people who grew up watching wrestling when I did, I wasn't overly familiar with Billy Red as a wrestler, but he'll always be remembered as the "Don'cha dare miss it!" guy who's job it was to promote the WWF shows in Ontario. He had a calm style, but he was able to get you excited enough to want to part with your money or in my case, get my parents to part with theirs to take me to the matches.Here he is interviewing Bobby Heenan, Ted DiBiase and King Kong Bundy,andhere's another clip featuring the Hart foundation and Randy Savage.If anybody knows what kind of drugs Jim Neidhart is on here, let me know because I'd really like to avoid them.

So long to both of you, and sorry for taking so long.

Hey Prick, Can You Help A Brother Out?

Somewhat perhaps maybe kinda ok idea: Flagging down a police officer and asking for a ride to the nearest town.
Poor idea: Doing so by flipping the officer the bird.
You're pretty stupid and should probably refrain from coming up with ideas:Doing the above while carrying 2 stolen credit cards, an iPod charger and a GPS unit.

The Edmonton man who did this near Kenora has been charged with possession of property obtained by crime, but on the bright side, I bet he ended up getting a ride somewhere.

Michel Bérubé: C'est Très Bon.

You know, I went to this little concert 8 days ago, and I'm only getting around to writing about it now. Oh well, better late than never I guess.

As I've said a couple of times, I organize a group of people who want to practice their French. Somebody noticed that a French singer named Michel Bérubé was coming to the River Run Centre. I thought it would be an awesome idea, so we bought tickets. It was definitely a good time.

The first thing I noticed when I got there was all the volunteers who were meeting and greeting folks and helping them get stuff were speaking French. How awesome that River Run had enough French-speaking volunteers!

We had pretty sweet seats, right near the front. I think we had the best seats in the house. I asked for seats that would allow a little more floor space at my feet for pooch, since we were in the smaller hall, the one that didn't have the boxes like the main hall. I guess they put us right at the front.

It was a miserable evening, so I was praying that everyone would turn up, partly because it would suck to not have people come, and partly because I'd bought the tickets, so hoped I would be paid back. Thankfully, all but one person made it, and the one person is paying me back. The poor girl drove from out of town and then got lost in the blinding rain and had to turn back, defeated. That would have profoundly sucked.

We sat down, and things got rolling. The first surprise I got was that the folks at River Run knew about our group. I don't think I mentioned our name when I bought the tickets. I just said I needed 9 tickets and to have some foot-room for the pooch. But they publically welcomed our group to the show! How cool is that?

The singer that opened for Bérubé was an opera-type singer named Caroline Déry, and I got a little nervous. I wasn't a giant fan of opera, and I was right in the front! I wasn't sure if poor Trix would be a fan either. But she didn't move a muscle.

The singer was actually quite fun, and when she was talking, I could understand her perfectly well. There were points when she was singing that I had trouble, but for the most part, I got it. They seemed to get it that some of us would not be as fluent as others, so spoke clearly, and made lots of jokes about speaking a second language along the way.

There were two funny things that happened in her act. At one point, this other guy came zooming down saying that he was going to join her on stage. At first, I didn't know what was going on, but soon learned that it was part of the plan. He said he really liked her and couldn't figure out how to win her heart. He'd practiced his French and his singing. Then he thought maybe he could try something else. Then, he reached right under *my* chair, and pulled out a rose! Wow. I didn't know I was that front and centre. I think I turned a wee bit red.

Then, at another point, she walked right over to me, leaned over me, and asked for a certain person to come forward. She wanted him to come on stage with her. So, down he came from behind me. I was glad I had positioned Trixie right under my chair, and not in the space between me and the next person's chair, where the staff seemed to think she'd have more room, because the space between the chairs was right where the guy came down from.

She brought him to the front, and said she wanted him particularly because she knew him personally, and knew he didn't know too much French. Then, she sat him down, and started to sing. What she sang sounded like "You're no good, you have nothing to offer me, you lack spirit, but I adore you." We were all killing ourselves laughing because we understood what she was saying, and the poor fellow didn't. By the end, he said "What was that all about?" and we just giggled. Later, I got to ask her if he knew what she had planned, and she said she warned him, but he seemed to have forgotten. Well, he won't forget now.

When she was done, the main act came out. I had looked him up on YouTube, and it seemed like he had a nice voice. He did. He sang a lot of songs that I didn't know, but they were pretty. At one point he spoke English and said that his drummer didn't understand French, and the drummer said "I know French. C'est très bon. See?" So every time he would look at him, he would go "C'est très bon." So he did a whole song where the guys backed him up by singing "Si bon, si bon." It was kinda funny.

After the show, people were speaking to him, and one of the ushers grabbed me and said "come meet him!" and dragged me to him! I was turning 40 shades of red. I tried to speak French, and I think I was doing ok, but alass, he started speaking English to me, and nothing I could do could get him to speak French again. Hmmm. That wasn't a ringing endorsement.

But it was a good time. I had no idea going in what to expect. I'm glad I was pleasantly surprised.

How Many Fools Does It Take To Write A Bad Cheque? That Depends, Are We Talking English Or French?

If your plan for scoring yourself some easy cash involves creating a fake federal government cheque and then trying to cash it, it is always wise to make sure thatthe amounts you write out in English and French are what they're supposed to be.

This important detail was overlooked by an unidentified 36-year-old man who was recently arrested in Chatham, Ontario when he walked into a Money Mart and attempted to cash a $400 cheque from the Government of Canada. The clerk noticed that the spelled out sections didn't match because where four hundred should have been written in French, it instead read quatre-vingt-quatorze, which means $94. The correct way to write it would have been Quatre-cents, which is actually much easier to spell.

Police were called and the man was arrested and charged with uttering a forged document. At last report he was awaiting a bail hearing, but there has been no word on whether bail was set at $400 or $94.

Never An Adult Moment Is Always A Good Album

To celebrate what would have been our 11th anniversary if we didn't have that little break in the middle, Steve bought me another Lizards album from HMV Digital. Ooo I love the Lizards! I squealed when I saw it in my email. So, the one he got me was Never An Adult Moment, released in 2000. I listened to it yesterday, and it's another gooder. Let's go song by song through the album.

Grunge Song
Yes, it's a pretty close clone of the song by the same name by Radio Free Vestibule. They even added in a part about an obligatory solo just to make it their own. Go Lizards. You like the Vestibules. We like you.

Hillbillies in a Haunted House
What in hell was that? It was like a twisted version of that 10 bears in the bed and the little one said roll over song, but it was sure twisted...and I was not expecting the ending. Just don't put 80 hillbillies in a haunted house, 81 if you count Buck's spouse, or all kinds of disaster will ensue.

Forty Years Old And I'm Living In My Mom's Garage
It's pretty straightforward. A dude never grew up, and is still living in his mom's garage. Hey, at least he's chasing something even if it's only a mirage. I love that line.

Rasputin's HMO
This song will haunt me for a long time. I think it has the power of "The Tower". It's the scenario of what would happen if Rasputin had an HMO and went for help after he was killed...if he could make it there. I love the double meaning of the line"Just take a seat and wait until your number, it is up." I also love the ending, complete with witch doctor reference, even though I will hear that in my sleep.

A Hundred Miles of Dry
Steve loves this song. I have found it floating through my head for sure I must say, although I don't think it had its full effect, because I was still recovering from Rasputin's HMO. It's all about the dry counties in Texas, and how desperate a guy got because he was within a zone of 100 miles where he couldn't get any beer. Mmm...motor oil.

Big Rio Grande River  
What the fuck was that? Really, seriously, what the fuck was that? I got the whole Out in the West Texas Town of El Paso feel, but beyond that, what in the sweet holy hell was going on here? Words just can't do this justice. Both times the dude gets robbed, but the second time, he rides off with the robbers? Whaaat?

The Illusion Travels By Stock Car
This was just weird. It was a what would happen if a Nascar driver teamed up with a surrealist film-maker scenario. Basically, what happens is the impossible. I love the line "Driving fast and turning left were all that's left because, realistically, that's all one ever does..." How true of Nascar racing, how true.

Big Ol' Bone
This song is stuck in my head for sure. Stuck there good, even though it makes me all sad. The poor guy. Goes out to get his dog a big ol' bone, and then his dog runs away, so he goes to his girlfriend's and finds out she's been cheatin'. So, he throws away the bone through the window of her new love's car, and the dog comes back and bites him because he doesn't have a big ol' bone. Poor guy, can't win for losin'. But I'm gonna be singin' "Big Ol' Bone" all day, all damn day.

The Me I Used to Be
I guess this is one way a guy deals with losing a whole lot of money in a stock market crash. Just become a hbum with not a care in the world.

Waitin' On A Call From Don
or God? You be the judge. Don the mechanic has a lot of power, wouldn't ya say? I don't have a car, but I feel similar when my computer goes into distress and I need outside help. But at least I don't have to sacrifice a chicken.

The Beautiful Waitress
What in hell is up with the cracker crunch? And why is it the last time he'll ever be passin' through? Is it because he creeped out the beautiful waitress and she called the cops and had him hauled off to the big house? If I were the beautiful waitress, I probably would.

Ashville/Crashville
Hmmm. Which Ashville are they referring to? Whichever one it is, they don't seem to like it much. They seem to think there's been way too much development done to it.

Dead Air
Yup, that's what it is. nearly 2 minutes of dead air. But here's the fun part. If you look at the track list from the Lizards, it stops at Ashville/Crashville, so this one and the next one were made up by HMV digital. Hopefully nobody was stupid enough to pay 99 cents for that track without knowing that was what they were getting.

Chicken's Gone
Got to carry on. Chicken's gone, got to carry on. And over, and over, and over. But the tune is catchy and it drifts through my head. That, my friends, that be the hidden track. Can anyone tell me what he says at the end?

And that, my friends, be the album. Yup, I'd say it was another success. My mass of Lizards music continues to grow.

In other news, the Lizards are trying to make their player frame accessible. They tried something and it didn't work. Hopefully they will try again. They do care about us blinks over here though.