If I could ask Kimberly King one question, it wouldn't be who puts down a fifth of Jim Beam while spending the day watching her great grandkids? I already know the answer to that one. She does. The question I'd be asking is what series of unfortunate life choices causes one to be a great-grandmother at the tender age of 50? I'm doing some quick math and my brain is starting to cry.
According to the arrest affidavit, King’s granddaughter left her one and two year old children with King while she went to work.
When the complainant came back four hours later, King was reportedly passed out.
Police say both children had soiled their diapers to the point that the diapers were falling off.
Police found King in the bed where officers shined a flashlight in her face and woke her up.
Police say King had no visible injuries but admitted to drinking a fifth of Jim Beam while the children were in her care.
King has been charged with two counts of child abandonment. NO word on whether she'll be spending any time behind bars rather than in front of them like she seems to be used to.
Two Indiana parents are facing felony child neglect charges after they allegedly drove around with their respective children tied to the hood of a car with a yellow tow strap, police report.
The children--aged 4, 5, 6, and 7--were not harmed during the bizarre incident late yesterday afternoon in Fort Wayne.
The car’s driver, Aaron Stefanski, 29, is the biological father of three of the children. He was arrested on drunk driving and child neglect charges. Passenger Jessica Clark--the mother of the fourth child strapped to the vehicle--was busted for child neglect.
As was the case when last this happened, the kids were tied to the car not as some strange form of punishment, but rather because some drunken adults thought it'd be fun. Or as Stefanski explained it to the nice officer, "I thought they would like it."
Newsflash: Kids like alot of things they shouldn't. That's why adults exist. Well that and because without them there would be no more kids, but you see where I'm heading.
Oh, and this is nice.
A search of the vehicle turned up the tow strap and a "pink backpack that appeared to belong to a juvenile." The backpack contained "two 24oz Magnum cold beers."
No word on whether the beer also belonged to the juvenile, but my money's on yes. Come on, you know all of the screaming for help that would go with being tied to a hood for too long would really dry a kid out.
I realize that this is completely stupid and dangerous and that I might have to murder somebody who tried it with my kid especially given the condition they were in at the time, but the kid part of me still thinks it would be pretty awesome and fun.
The grandparents of a seven-year-old Florida girl were arrested yesterday after they allegedly got drunk and used their SUV to tow the child while she was seated in a plastic Hot Wheels car.
Paul Berloni, 49, and Belinda Jean Berloni, 47, were busted Sunday afternoon after a sheriff’s deputy spotted them pulling the girl’s toy car, which was attached to the SUV by a pair of dog leashes. The child, who was not injured, was only wearing a swimsuit “and had no protective gear on whatsoever,” according to a Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office report.
A deputy estimated that the Hot Wheels car was traveling between 5-10 miles per hour when a traffic stop was executed. Paul Berloni, who was driving the SUV, reeked of booze, had watery and bloodshot eyes, and his speech was “slowed and slurred.” When asked for his driver’s license, Berloni said that it was “revoked for 10 years for a DUI.”
Belinda Berloni was riding in the vehicle’s cargo area “with the rear hatch open cheering the child on as she was being pulled behind the vehicle.” Berloni--who a deputy noted was also drunk--stated that “it was dangerous to drag a child behind the vehicle,” but that “they were just having fun and had been doing this all day.”
If you're looking for some babysitting work, I have a funny feeling that a position may have just opened up.
Grandma and Grandpa have both been slapped with child cruelty charges, and Grandpa, as you might expect, also got dinged for drunk driving and driving with a suspended licence.
So...this place sure has been hopping lately, eh? Yeah...about that. I'm sorry. Really, I am. But to be honest, it can't be helped, and I can't say when it's going to get better.
I don't want to get into a whole lot of specifics, so I'll leave it at this: There are a few things going on around here that are making dick jokes, bad music, random videos and stories about retarded people doing even more retardeder things seem much less important than usual. To those of you who know what's been happening, thanks for the support. To the rest of you, hang in there. We're not trying to be lazy asses, That's just how it's had to be for a while.
By the way, remind me never to have a sleep-related brain snap around the same time as a very stressful ongoing event. It doesn't end well, I'm finding.
Now...what can I tell you that you might not already know?
If you're Vince Russo, you most definitely do not know how cocksuckingly horrible you are at your job about 98% of the time. You may, however, be aware of the celebrations being thrown by wrestling fans upon hearing the news that you've finally been relieved of it. If anything was going to make me feel happy enough to write again at least for a moment, it's this.
"TNA and Vince Russo have mutually parted ways as of this week. The separation is amicable and professional. We are glad for the opportunity to have worked together and wish each other nothing but good luck and success in the future."
Here's to success meaning that he opens up another video store and stays away from the wrestling business he's helped ruin for good. Good riddance to whatever it is that books worse than bad rubbish.
If you're WWE, you have no idea how sad I am and how much I kind of hate you guys right now for taking the Funkasaurus away from me. He was different and he was fun, both things that your product mostly hasn't been in years. Oh well, at least we'll always have the memories.
Somebody call my mama!
If you're the Earl Witty responsible for running the RIDE program, you could, pending the results of the current investigation, soon learn that showing up to work while on the sauce might sound fun on paper, but really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Not very witty of you if I may say so, officer.
And finally, if you're lots of people, you might not know that the 6Dot Braille Labeler that Carin made mention of a while ago is out of the development stage and ready to be ordered! On the list of blind folk gadgets I'd like to own, this one ranks pretty high. I'm saying this sight unseen, by the way. Yes, I do hear you chuckling at that, sighted person. Carry on.
And for now, I think I'm going to make that everything. You all should be well and learned up now, I hope. We'll try to check in soon, whenever that is.
The next time I watch a porn flick that's set in a hospital, I'll be skimming the credits for Hal Weston's name.
According to police, the male victim was brought to the hospital after officers were unable to rouse him after he passed out in a police cruiser. At the hospital, the unconscious man (who was to be charged with public intoxication, trespass, and public urination) was put into an exam room, which was concealed behind a curtain.
Cops noted that an officer, who had been writing a police report, went into the exam room to check up on the unconscious man. That’s when patrolman James Gale spotted Weston performing oral sex on the patient around 2 AM.
Weston is, or was, an employee of the hospital. He has since been fired. He's been charged with forcible sodomy, which is a felony. He was taken into custody, but later bailed himself out and is now free. Funny, you'd think a guy like that might want to stick around a prison.
It seems to me I have started posts in this manner before, but I must do so again.
Believe it or not, there have been times in my life during which I have been very, very drunk. I've had some good ideas and some not so good ideas, and have even written a post or 12. But never have I taken leave of my senses to such a degree that I thought hey, I should stuff a bottle rocket in my ass and light it. But even if at some point I had thought it, I assure you there is no chance I'd have done it. Travis Hughes, on the other hand, well...he did, and he's being sued now.
The suit was filed by Louis Helmburg III, who fell off of a railingless deck when the aforementioned chocolate rocket exploded inside of Hughes' rectum and startled him. Startled *him*? How do you think Hughes felt? The funny part is we don't know, because other than his new legal trouble, he isn't mentioned again. We have no idea how he's doing. He could be ok or he could be completely cheekless, but nobody's talking.
Helmburg claims - in a statement it would be difficult to deny - that "firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an 'ultra-hazardous' activity," which exposes both defendants to strict liability.
Helmburg says he suffered pain and medical expenses, and lost playing time on the Marshall University baseball team. He claims the Alpha Tau deck from which he fell lacked a railing, which violated Huntington building codes.
Helmburg says the fiasco came at about 1:30 a.m. on May 1, 2011, at an Alpha Tau house party he attended with his girlfriend. "Several of the people in attendance at said house party were under the legal drinking age, including defendant Travis Hughes," the complaint states.
"Most of the persons in attendance at said house party were also consuming alcohol with the full knowledge and consent of the ATO fraternity."
Several Alpha Tau members were on the deck when Hughes got his bright idea, including one or more fraternity officers, Helmburg says.
The complaint states: "Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck, located on the back of the ATO house. ... "Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent the deck.
Update: The audio hasn't worked for a while here. Thank you Blind File Sharing for hosing us. So now, for all things cast, pop on over to our new site. There, you'll find audio that works!
Well, it is here. The Occupy VC Cast, the Occucast, whatever you want to call it, it's here...and it's about to occupy about 2 hours of your time. It would be awesome if you found it 99% funny.
We divided it into 4 parts. It would have been only 3, but well, ya see, I'm a giant moron and caused us to need to make a bonus part.
Part one lasts for about 25 minutes or so. In it, we spend some time on the whole Occupy VC thing, and how the Occupy movement has invaded my subconscious, because when I hear 1% or 99% from the computer as it's loading something, I immediately think of Occupy-related stuff. We mention Lunchupguelph, and ramble a while about the work Christmas party we went to, some about the odd weather, the Baker Street Station, and then we set off on our first major rant. Steve got very creative in making fun of the reasons people come up with for petting guide dogs when they know they shouldn't, and Trix got excited by his silly tone. I also did my best to describe the drink I tried at Baker Street Station, man that was awesome. Then after Steve talked in a funny voice, a joke next to noone will get, we brought this part of things to a sudden end.
In part two, which lasts about 42 minutes, Steve made me a drink and we talked about its ability to smack me around six ways from Sunday. We also talked about how Steve knows what drinks I'd like and has a pretty good track record. the story of the recent time where one of our Twitter buddies jokingly called Steve a douchebag came up, as well as the fact that someone seriously calls themselves Magnificent Douchebag as their Twitter name. We asked a question about something someone said who has gone lots of times to the Occupy Toronto movement, and Steve scared the hell out of me by mentioning this video. We lament the fact that BlindFileSharing's front end went splat, cutting off access to the files. Other topics talked about are the Occupy Movement's biggest curse, the stupidity of news media working people into a frenzy over nothing, Black Friday insanity, The mumbly new Tim Horton's slogan and general suckiness of Tim Hortons commercials, especially the use of the words "whipped topping". And before we break again, Steve talks about how much he loves the Grey Cup finals, and a few recent Grey Cup party memories.
And then, we really get silly in Part three, which goes about 50 minutes. This was the other half of our inspiration for audio. The story goes that the police in our area step up their efforts to watch out for impaired drivers. So, they pull everybody over on a stretch of road, ask them if they've had anything to drink, and if they think they have, they test them and deal with them. This is called the RIDE program (Reduce Impaired Driving Everywhere). But at Christmas, they call it the festive RIDE program. This always gave us an image of singing cops jingling bells and being full of jolly cheer while making people walk the line and blow into the breathalizer. We then wondered what sort of songs they would sing at the festive RIDE program...and that's what we spend the majority of the time doing. Part of the way through, I suddenly realize we need bells, and go off in search of something that would serve as bells. Since I can't find them, we have to settle for jingling our keys. At the very end, we wrap up by laughing at someone for thinking the Foo Fighters were called the Food Fighters, and there's a little joke in there for a fellow known on Twitter as @thedangillis.
And just when you think it's over, we make Part four, all because I found those pesky bells! This one only goes about 4 minutes or so.
I wonder why Charles Edward Meinhart Junior just had to visit his dad so badly. His dad was in jail, and he came in to see him, looking a little drunk. When he was informed that it wasn't visiting time, he lost it, and got himself arrested. Not only that, but while officers were talking to jail staff, he started to wiggle his hands free. When the police reached into the car to stop him from doing that, he lost it all over again.
Well, now he might see his dad...from the inside of the bars. He's been given quite a long list of charges.
Drinking and driving is one of the stupidest, most dangerous things a person can do. Drinking and driving while wearing your "I'm Not An Alcoholic, I'm A Drunk" t-shirt, that's even worse. Drinking and driving while wearing that shirt and then ploughing your car into a police cruiser...this really isn't your day, but the rest of us appreciate your stupidity getting you off the streets as quickly as possible.
The officer thankfully wasn't injured in the accident, and Kevin Daly, 22, was arrested and will likely live to dumb another day.
Saturday around 5 p.m., Price, who was allegedly intoxicated, walked into the Rite Aid pharmacy, "grabbed hold of the sunglass display, hugged it tightly and then began to lick and kiss the face of the female party on the display," according to a Pittsfield Police report.
This behavior lasted about a minute, according to police, and ended when Price fell to the floor. He eventually got back on his feet and began yelling and screaming, according to the police report. Meanwhile, Price's behavior apparently scared customers who "actively" tried to get away from the area.
Price plead guilty to a count of disturbing the peace and was ordered to pay a $200 fine.
When the cops come to help you get your car out of the ditch and ask you if you've had anything to drink today, I had two pizzas to drink for lunch is not an answer that's going to make your day better.
According to arrest records, Louisville police were dispatched to a vehicle in a ditch at the intersection of La Costa Road and Stonybrook Drive about 10 p.m. Saturday.
Police said when officers arrived, an off-duty St. Matthews police officer was talking to the driver, 68-year-old Donn Adams.
Adams seemed confused and disoriented, police said, and told officers he only had two pizzas to drink for lunch.
Officers asked Adams if he was under the influence of drugs, according to arrest records, and Adams told them he wasn't but that he took Suboxone for an opiate addiction.
While they were chatting, officers noticed a couple of syringes filled with something that looked an awful lot like heroin sitting in Adams' car. He said he thought it might belong to a friend who had left it there.
He's been charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. NO word on whether the paraphernalia consisted of pizza boxes and coupons.
How much trash can you really talk about this guy? I mean sure he got hammered and let his 9-year-old drive him to a variety store at 3 in the morning in his work van, but the kid was in a booster seat so at least he's looking out for her safety, right?
The videotape obtained by The Associated Press shows the van pulling up to the station and walking in with his daughter. He told an unseen clerk that she was driving him around because he had been drinking.
“I got a designated driver,” the man said.
The AP is not naming the father in order to protect the identity of his daughter.
The girl told police that her father had been drinking whiskey all night. She said he had allowed her to drive before.
Those other times must have gone pretty well, since the girl seemed kind of surprised that she was stopped.
"What did you stop me for? I was driving good," she reportedly asked the officer.
It might have been her first brush with the law, but it certainly wasn't dad's, as it turns out.
The father, who told officers he was teaching his daughter to drive, was arrested and refused a Breathalyzer test, Grant said. He was charged with second- and fourth-degree child abuse during an Oct. 10 arraignment. He was ordered to have no contact with his daughter.
He also was charged with being a habitual offender and could be sentenced to up to 15 years in prison if convicted. The habitual offender charge stems from convictions on four previous felonies, including receiving and concealing stolen property and unarmed robbery, Grant said.
He was convicted of driving while intoxicated in connection with an October 2007 crash in Wyandotte and had his license restricted for a year, Michigan Secretary of State spokesman Fred Woodhams told the Free Press.
With resourceful ideas like this, how can America not be a gloabal leader in math and science? Honestly, if anywhere near the amount of energy went into useful things like fixing the debt or curing diseases as goes into methods for improving laziness and the being hammered experience, that country would be whipping the world's ass at pretty much everything. It's not like they don't have the brain power to make wonderful things happen. To prove this point, I submit for your consideration vodka soaked gummy bears.
Seriously, who thinks of that? Alcoholics yes, but them excluded, this sounds like one of those dumb luck scientific discoveries you hear about all the time that seems to come out of absolutely nowhere. You know, the ones that left field looks at and says hey, where did that come from?
I know as a kid this would have struck me as brilliant, but right now all I can think is jesus, why would you ruin a perfectly good gummy bear like that? I imagine these things tasting like absolute crap. Has anybody tried them? I figure some of you must have since the story says they're "the new teen rage," and you know how well the news knows kids.
You expect to see a lot of things on a sightseeing tour boat. But I'd wager that one sight you wouldn't expect to see is some jackass throwing his 7-year-old son over the side of one. Or at least I would have wagered that until Sloane Briles came along.
Jim Amormino, a spokesman for the Orange County Sheriff's Office, told the Los Angeles Times Briles apparently had been drinking when he got into an argument with his girlfriend while on a Sunday harbor cruise with more than 80 other passengers.
Authorities said their argument was witnessed by his two sons from a previous marriage, the 7-year-old and a 6-year-old.
Witnesses said the older boy, visibly upset, was walking behind his father when Briles allegedly struck him several times, then picked him up and threw him overboard. Briles then jumped over the side himself.
The boy was fished out by a passing boater.
When sheriff's deputies arrived, Briles was combative and resisted arrest, Amormino said.
It's worth noting that more than one version of the story says that Briles only jumped in after the kid once he was already being saved by other people. Thanks, dad.
Briles was taken into custody on suspicion of child endangerment and for resisting arrest. He was later released after posting bond. The kids, meanwhile, were returned to their mother.
This would normally be where the story ends, but not today.
When Sloane Briles was interviewed by KTLA on Tuesday, he noted that he was “not trying to kill [his son].” Instead, he insists that they “were playing in the shallows.”
In addition, he claimed that he and his son discussed together prior to the boat tour that they would jump overboard.
A fine story I suppose, other than the small problem of all the witnesses and his helpful girlfriend who's story is the same, but different.
His girlfriend, Jennifer Burrelli, defended his actions in an interview with the New York Daily News, denying that she and her boyfriend had an argument and said that her boyfriend and his son were only “roughhousing” and that he made a “stupid” judgment to throw him overboard, which is a different story than what Briles is now claiming.
“His sons are his whole life,” she said. “He would never ever do anything to hurt them on purpose. He knows now it could have gone badly. He doesn’t even care about the arrest or his own name. He knows it was stupid.”
That last sentence could likely represent the only bit of absolute truth we should be expecting from this pair.
We said we weren't done with audio. Here comes some more.
A little while ago, I mentioned that Jack Layton had died. So, later, I learned that someone had created a drink in his honour. So, Steve made one of these, and we talked about it. Believe it or not we talked about it for 27 minutes. It, and other stuff, but hey, that comes with the territory, doesn't it? Hope you enjoy. It looks like Steve's diggin' the Layton.
We decided to have some corn on the cob for dinner. So while we were husking, we started talking. We apologize, this one got a little heavy there. We intended to just talk about the weird way people in Guelph pronounce the word "food," and talk a bit about how hard it would be to husk corn when you only have the use of one hand, as Steve's dad does. But well, things went down in a slightly unpredictable fashion. Sorry for the partial downer.
If that old saying about looking up things in the dictionary and finding pictures beside them were true and if a picture dictionary existed containing a definition for complete fucking trainwreck, Juliette Dunn may well be found there.
Police said they spotted Dunn and Jefferson sitting at the playground, the young children on the ground next to them. As officers approached them, police said they spotted an empty 40-ounce bottle of Steel Reserve beer on the ground beside the boy. They said a baby bottle next to the baby contained a dark liquid that smelled strongly of an alcohol beverage. Dunn was identified as the children's mother.
Police said witnesses told them that Jefferson had handed the bottle of beer to the boy and ordered him to chug it. When he had finished it police said Jefferson called the boy an alcoholic.
Both children were taken to Bridgeport Hospital where police said both the boy and girl tested positive for alcohol and the 10-month-old also had cocaine in her system. While being examined, police said the 4-year-old told a social worker he likes, "Natural Ice beer, Budweiser beer, but didn't like the taste of Dog-Bite beer."
Jefferson is Lisa Jefferson, a friend of Dunn's who apparently gives the 4-year-old a beer every day. Dunn seems to have no trouble with this arrangement, but is perplexed as to how her daughter tested positive for cocaine because, as she told police, she doesn't breast feed her.
Both dunn and Jefferson were charged with two counts of risk of injury to a child and two counts of second-degree assault. they're both in custody on $100000 bonds.
And all of this, it's worth noting, took place in Success Village. People often ask what's in a name? In this case, I think it's pretty safe to say nothing.
Here's another sign that I'm either losing my touch, or I've seen one too many weird news stories.
It was all over the net. Har har, it was also all over her car, but ya know. Anyway, the story of Stephanie Robinette was everywhere.
I guess she and her husband were at a wedding, and then she got a little tipsy. And then a little angry. And then a little slap happy...at which point hubby called the cops. When they showed up, she had locked herself inside the car, and would not come out. When they decided to physically take her from the car, she unleashed one of her boobs and sprayed the cops and her car with breast milk. I guess she took lessons from Toni Tramel
And I thought I read somewhere that she's a school teacher! Hmmm.
You're Olan Yahal Mitchell. The police have stopped you for speeding and they're pretty sure you're drunk. You decide you're not taking any of those goddamn field sobriety tests and have scored yourself a seat in the front of a police cruiser because of it. So, what to do while you're waiting to see what happens next?
Hmmm, that computer keyboard looks mighty scrumptious. Perhaps you should lick it. Yeah, you should. Hey, why not? Other folks have tried to chow down on the entire car, but you've always been more of an electronics man. Metal leaves a weird taste in your mouth.
That officer sure doesn't seem to appreciate you doing that, does he? He mustn't be the type to appreciate great tasting food. Yeah, go ahead, lick it again.
No, I have no idea why he would take the computer away from you. You were enjoying it! If there was ever a time to kick a cop, this must be it!
Sure you're in handcuffs and off to jail now, but don't fret. If you're there for a while and behave well, maybe they'll put you to work somewhere with a nice, juicy cash register.
A woman heard her garage door slam, and her dog bark. Then she saw a naked man in her garage. So she called police. By the time they got there, they found the drunk, naked man had taken a big ol' crapperoo on her garage floor. But he had a perfectly valid excuse, or so he thought. He thought he was in his own garage. So, the moral of the story is don't walk into Thomas O’Neil's garage. You never know what you might step in.
