Beware Of JesusWeen

Sometimes it may not seem so, but we really are a helpful lot of good-hearted people around here. And if there's one thing that makes our good hearts sad, it's nice people trying to have a good time having that good time ruined by the crappy, fun-sucking agendas of others. We may not be able to do much to stop it in this particular case, but at least we can use this platform of ours to warn you so that you're aware of what you might be up against today.

If you're taking the kids out trick-or-treating tonight or letting them go on their own, be on the lookout for preachy asshats possibly dressed in white handing out bibles and postcards who will try to convert you and your family to their way of life. Because clearly, nothing makes people more receptive to your message than ambushing them and forcing it on them like an in person telemarketer.

It's called JesusWeen, and there's apparently no way of knowing when you're about to run smack into it which I guess is the point, but still.

A movement founded by a Calgary pastor is calling on Christians to forego the candy and costumes of Halloween and instead hand out Bibles to trick-or-treaters.

It's called "JesusWeen" and hundreds of churches across Canada and the U.S. are expected to take part in the event described on jesusween.com as a Christian gift-giving festival. 

"JesusWeen is a non profit organization also known as JesusWin. We are focused on helping people live better lives," the website says.

In addition to handing out Bibles, Christian post cards or tracts instead of treats, participants are encouraged to wear white as a symbol of purity. 

The event was founded by Calgary pastor Paul Ade in 2002 and has the ambitious expectation of becoming "the most effective Christian outreach day ever and that's why we also call it 'World Evangelism Day,'" the website states.

"This year we're thinking it will be 400 churches all across Canada," John Johnson, a spokesperson for the movement reached in Maryland, told CTVNews.ca.

In addition, he said at least 1,000 churches are expected to participate in the U.S. along with a handful in the U.K.

This year JesusWeen is focusing on the Canadian cities of Toronto, Calgary, and Edmonton, as well as the state of Maryland and the cities of Houston and Dallas in the U.S., and London in the U.K.

Yes, it was founded in Canada. I apologize on behalf of my country, world.

And I offer this next bit not because I condone or endorse it in any way, but as a warning since i'm nothing if not fair. If any of you JesusWeen people happen to stumble onto this page during a futile search for positive press or during an I need to find something to get angry about today session, I hope you like vandalism. Seriously. My guess is you like it about as much as the rest of us like strangers indoctrinating our children.

If you don't like Haloween, that's fine. You don't have to take part. Turn your lights off so nobody comes to your door. It's simple. You do what you like and leave the rest of us to our silly little costume party. You know, live and let live. If people want to become Christians, they will. We all know you exist, and we'll find you if we need you. And if we don't want to become Christians, we'll do the decent thing and leave you to it. Why? Because it's your thing and we don't want to ruin it for you. Crazy concept, I know.

#Twittereen

When I was a kid, and we would go on scavenger hunts, I never really cared about them. I mean, it was fun to run around with my buddies and watch them scoop up clues, but I really wasn't helping out with the hunting down of stuff. I was just sort of along for the ride. But last week, I got to take part in an online scavenger hunt, and it was pretty fun!

The contest is called Twittereen, ya know, in honour of Halloween. Its aim is to get people to learn about some local businesses, follow them on Twitter, engage with them, and some random lucky winners will receive prizes like gift certificates to a bunch of the mentioned local businesses. But the prize I reeeally want is an iPod Touch. yes, yes, gimme gimme.

I have learned about a bunch of cool businesses, sadly a bunch of them aren't in Guelph. One thing I want to do some time is end up at the Indulge Ice Cream caboose in Cambridge for either ice cream or some waffles. Mmmm. I would have never heard of what sounds like the most awesome place ever if it weren't for Twittereen.

One thing I had driven home by this contest is why I don't often go straight to a company's website to learn a bunch about them. It's hit and miss whether a website will be designed with accessibility in mind. Just as an example, one website's homepage was completely composed of an inaccessible flash movie. Another blasted music louder than JAWS. Another had pictures containing some of the information.

But because I want that damn iPod Touch, I persevered and found everything I needed to. Now I wait to see if I get to be a lucky winner.

If you want to play too, here is a pdf of the rules, here's the online entry form, and here are some pictures of prizes. This is what the good fellows at Spike Mobile said were the prizes available.

1st Place is an Extreme Makeover for your car from @WendellMotors , 2nd Place is an 8GB iPod Touch from @spike_mobile. The other prizes are various gift cards from @GibsonSV @Bookshelfnews @SevenShores @Subworx @Waffle_Stacks.

Isn't that the coolest contest ever? Get involved in your community, learn about local businesses, and maybe just win something. Super neat! And it was a scavenger hunt I could play.

So, even though this is against my best interests since it decreases my chances of getting the iPod Touch, go play Twittereen. You have until 12:05 Saturday morning to track down all the clues. Happy hunting!

I Did The Halloween Dog Walk!

Back a while ago, I mentioned the Halloween charity dog walk for Guelph Animal Hospital. Well, despite not making it home until nearly 3 a.m. the night before, I dragged my sorry butt out to the walk, and I'm glad I did.

I was originally going to go with the shoe thief, but Shoe was perhaps smarter than me and said that he was not up for a 5-k walk around some trails. Steve had thought about going, but he too was in no shape to go for a trek. So, I hornswoggled, er, convinced the huppy's parents that they really wanted to do this. It's a good thing I did.

So, as we set out for the walk, we noticed a bit of snow in the air. Snow? Maybe this was a bad idea. But we were getting a ride, so we pressed on.

It looked like they got a pretty good turnout. There were lots of little dogs dressed up as all kinds of things, from pumpkins and doctors to bumble bees! We all gave our donations, and heard a little speech about keeping our pooches under control, to scoop if one pooped, and they even told everybody about Trix's guide dog status.

This was another reason I wanted to bring a buddy. Trix might get distracted by all these dogs, and I needed to know there was someone there who I knew was with us. The dog distraction issue turned out not to be a problem.

We set off, and the huppy immediately started objecting to being made to wear mittens and a hat. So, he would take them off. His mom would put them on, and he would take them off. Off? On! Off? On! Waaa! Repeat. In not too long, we were at the very back of the pack. But I didn't care. It was not a race.

At one spot, the huppy was not a happy huppy, so his mom turned back and took him back the way we'd come. The poor little guy was just too cold even when he was covered up. So it was down to the huppy's dad and I.

For a while we were just cruisin' along, when...there was no more nice gravel trail! It was time to do some off-roading. It was at this point that we realized it was good that the huppy's mom turned back when she did. The stroller would not have made the trek over roots, rocks, bridges over swamps, and scary narrow places.

Trix was doing her best, but it was hard for her to warn me about every root. Nearly every step was a root. But she definitely slowed her pace to fit the terrain. When we hit flat trail again, ho boy did she pick it up! I had to chuckle.

At one point, the huppy's dad said "keep left. On the right is a deep drop." All I could think was "left, sensei!" I know it wasn't 1000 feet down, but it still would have hurt. At one point, I got ahead of the huppy's dad. Trix was enjoying the flat terrain so much that she was puttin' the juice on. I was still behind the vet tech whose dog was dressed as a bumble bee, so I wasn't worried. But at one point, the vet tech said "Hmmm I think we should stop and wait for your friend." When he caught up, she said "Should we go this way, or that way?" to which he responded "Yikes!" That is not what I wanted to hear. We made it, but I got a lot of help from my friends that's for sure.

It was a good time. The poor vet tech whose dog was dressed up as a bumble bee was all scared once I said I'd blogged about the walk. She said "Oh god, now you're going to put up on your blog that we tried to kill you with this crazy trail!" No no no. Trails usually have some interesting parts.

I came home and my legs were stiff as hell. But a hot bath seemed to have cured them and I didn't pay too much for that walk. It was a good time and I'd do it again. I'd just recommend to other blind folks that they bring a friend who doesn't mind helping them a bit over the crazier parts of the trail. I hope Guelph Animal Hospital was able to raise a ton of money, and I hope they got a ton of photos.

Sir, Can You Come Over Here And Blow Into Yourself Please?

Looks like we can run the how many years in a row has some idiot been popped for drunk driving during Halloween season while dressed up as a Breathalyzer count to 2. Here'slast year'sin case you've forgotten it, and here'sthe story of 19-year-old Matthew Nieveen,2010's entry.

According to a police report, he was driving a 1992 Ford F-150 northbound on 33rd Street between Holdrege and Huntington when an officer saw the truck rapidly accelerate and cross the center line several times. The officer stopped the truck at 37th and Huntington, the report states.

The officer said Nieveen had watery eyes and slurred speech and smelled like alcohol. Police found a bottle of vodka, a half-full bottle of Mountain Dew and vodka and several cans and bottles of beer in the truck.

"He was dressed as a PBT (preliminary breath testing) alcohol sensor and had been attending a Halloween party prior to the stop," the report says.

He was cited for second-offense driving under the influence, being a minor in possession of alcohol, an open container violation and negligent driving.

Somebody's adult life sure looks like it's off to a fine start.

How We Spent Our Saturday

Saturday night was an interesting one, in a good and bad way. We had a great time at dinner, at the Craig Cardiff concert and then at the pub afterwards. I even got to have a small conversation with Craig since we ended up in the same bar. But getting back home from our big day out pretty much sucked.

Let's start with the fun stuff first.

The concert was more than just Craig. There were alsoMike EvinandRobyn Dell'Untowho served as his backing band and played some of their own stuff, and a local group calledYour Neck of the Woods,who described themselves as a country bluegrass band. I guess they sort of were, but bluegrass wasn't the first thing that came to mind when I heard them. The Shoe Thief said he thought the same thing when he saw them the first time a little while earlier. They weren't bad, but their sound wasn't quite right and their set was so short it was hard to get a read on them. Nothing instantly stood out like with all of the others, but I'd have to see them again in a more extended form before I'd be willing to say good or bad. the girl had a nice voice though and no disrespect intended to the guy doing most of the lead vocals, but she ought to be doing more of the singing. I can't seem to find anything on YouTube, so if you'd like to hear a sample it looks like you'll have to fuck around with MySpace.

Next up was Mike, who they called the piano man. Three guesses why they call him that. He writes some fun songs. We heardIf You Were My Girl,which he said he wrote while he was still figuring out girls, andGreat Pop Song,which was all about well, great pop songs. That one even had a fun sing-along part.

Speaking of audience participation, Robyn's amazingly catchyJust A Birdhad us all doing bird whistles. There were some pretty bad whistlers in the crowd I must say, but somehow they added to the fun. Also of note was Shoe being a crow for a second. It was hard to whistle after that.

And what can I say about Craig? The guy was fantastic! I knew who he was and liked a few songs beforehand, but I have much more of an appreciation for him now. I can't say there was a bad song in the bunch, not even close. I'll sharethis live version of Safe herebecause it's been in my head since the show.

I also need to give it up to Craig for having a sense of humour. I wish I had a picture of the costume that Shoe wore out to the bar afterwards. I'm not entirely sure what he was supposed to be, but whatever it was had a giant schlong component to it that I used to lead him to the bathroom and back during one of the gayest moments of my life. The poor girl playing guitar that we walked past on the way there actually stopped and let out some kind of noise that I can't describe and then continued playing. If we offended anybody nobody complained, and Craig, who was sitting a couple tables away from us as it turned out actually came over, shook my hand and thanked us all for coming out to the show since he had seen us in the crowd. He also said the dick thing was pretty funny, which was nice.

Now to the not so positive portion of the evening.

You always hear and read about how much the downtown sucks on weekend nights. Amazingly, even though I've lived here for almost 10 years, I've never been caught in it. There's always been a cab available or we could walk home or get a ride. But for some reason, probably everybody wanting to get to and from Halloween parties on top of the regular business, getting a cab was fucking impossible.

We first tried calling one around 10 O'clock since the bar we were wanting to go to for food and drinks was full. Carin tried calling both cab companies, but couldn't get through. Then we both started trying them, and nothing. Thankfully we met a couple old friend's of the Thief while we were standing there and they found us some room at their table so we went in and had a drink with them. They left, but we all sat around for a couple of hours until the place closed down. It's a good thing we did, because none of the wang stuff would have happened had we called it an early one.

It's now after 1 in the morning. It's cold, we're full, we're tired and we want to go home. Call the cab companies. Busy. Keep trying and trying...and still no go. The guy from the pub that we know a little offered to let us stay there a while, but it was down to the people mopping up and us, so we decided to take our chances walking downtown where hopefully there would be some rides available.

This is where I gain a new respect for what the cops and the folks who live and work down there deal with all the time. Don't get me wrong, the crowd on this night was pretty peaceful all things considered. but it was a big crowd and most of it ranged from pleasantly buzzed like me to completely hammered. For some reason, the city stops the buses at midnight, and some of the cabs have a policy of not picking up people who flag them down. Why either of these things are allowed to go on is a mystery to me. Call me crazy, but wouldn't the crowd thin out a lot more quickly if people could actually, I don't know, go home? As it was we were standing around for an hour or better, and by the time some people I can't thank enough for their help found us a cab it was long after 2. When we left the crowd was still huge and showing no signs of getting any smaller anytime soon, which is completely insane.

There's been talk on and off about a barstool tax on the places downtown, which if memory serves me would be a $1 charge to every person who comes into a place at certain times. You know what? After what I went through Saturday, I'd happily pay $1 on my bill if I knew that the money would be used to keep the buses running and to build and maintain some public washrooms. That way we could get people out of the core without nearly as many fights and without them having to piss all over the various buildings down there. And to any bar that would oppose such a thing, I offer a suggestion: If you don't like it, stay open so that people have a warm place to go and a bathroom if they need one. Not letting people come inside should be one of those things that isn't allowed to happen. If you're gonna fill 'em up, the least you can do is let 'em empty out when they need to.

None of this is going to stop me from going downtown, it's fun. It just needs to be handled better. The politicians need to not come down too hard on the bars and bring in a whole bunch of lame rules, but the bars need to work with the city a little and take better care of their customers. There has to be a balance there somewhere.

I hate to end on kind of a down note, but I really don't have anything else to say and I think this post has gone on plenty long enough.

Talk to you all later. Remember to go see Craig Cardiff if he's playing in your area, and go Giants!

Halloween Charity Dog Walk

Here's some info about an upcoming charity dog walk put on by Guelph Animal Hospital, which just happens to be Trixie's vet clinic. I don't know if I'll go or not, part of me wants to, but here's the info for anyone else interested.

Join Us!  

On Sunday, October 31st at 11:00am,

Guelph Animal Hospital will be hosting our ‘Fundraise for Farley’ Halloween Dog Walk!  

This 5km walk will depart from the parking lot of Guelph Animal Hospital, travel down the beautiful Speed River Trails, and loop around to end back at the clinic.  Clients and their pets are encouraged to dress up in Halloween costumes and participate in this great event.  Come out for the exercise, to meet other clients, for dog socialization, to support a great cause…join us! 

The Farley Foundation is a charitable organization established in 2001 by the Ontario Veterinary Medical Association (OVMA) to assist low-income seniors, disabled individuals and women at risk of abuse by subsidizing necessary veterinary care for their pets.  Guelph Animal Hospital has set a goal of $1000 to help Farley this year…join us in reaching our goal!  

Join us if you have a dog.  Join us if you don’t have a dog.  Join us with your family.  Join us with your friends.  Join us by yourself. 

Just Join Us!  

$5 suggested donation to the Farley Foundation.

Ample Parking Available.

Sunday October 31st, 2010 at 11:00am.  

Visit:
www.guelphvet.com
for more details.

Well, He'll Be Able To Tell If His Costume Was Good...

Hey there James Miller, here's a tip. If you're going to get all boozed up on Halloween night, it might not be a good idea to dress up as a breathalyzer. Well, then again, it might not be a good idea to get all boozed up in your car anyway, and then have the rest of your case of beer in the passenger's seat, and then drive the wrong way on a one-way street. But when you get caught, and you're dressed up as a breathalyzer, well...you'll look like an especially big dork.

Just how does one dress up as a breathalyzer anyway?

Friggin' Weird

Hello!

So that's pretty odd. For most of last week I was unable to log on to the site, or the blogger site which allows us to post. I tried several times over the course of the week and kept getting that "This page cannot be displayed" thing which was getting fairly irritating, since I believed that the site could, in fact, be displayed. So it was to my surprise this afternoon when I tried to get on and it worked with no issues, whatsoever. Oh well.

Isn't "whatsoever" a weird word, when you think about it? I mean break it down in your head and then try to explain to yourself what it means. It makes no sense, whatsoever.

Hallowe'en was good. I ended up going as a Ceiling Fan. There are two ways to interpret that and if you're currently thinking to yourself "wow that's lame" than you've got it correct. If you're wondering how I walked around in a giant ceiling fan costume or are thinking "did he spin at all during the night?" then you are way off and should probably rip out a pube or two as punishment. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Done whiping the tears from your eyes? Good. We all got costumed up at my friend's place and headed off to the party which was a kegger. It was a blast. Some really funny costumes and got to see some friends that I hadn't seen in quite a while. So, all in all, it was a great party. I guess my costume achieved my goal. I had reactions that, in actuality, ranged from some guy telling me I had the best costume there to another guy muttering that I was a fucking moron. So we'll peg it somewhere in the middle and call it a success.

The Leafs are still impressing. The game Saturday was something to behold. The Leafs were dead in the water until the 10 minute mark of the third when they exploded for 5 goals and beat the Rangers 5-2. Sunday was almost an exact flip of luck. They came out flying and ended up falling flat, blowing a lead and losing 6-4 to Carolina. So you call it a draw this weekend as they should have beat Carolina and should have lost to the Rangers.

That's all for now.

It's Hallowee'ee'een

To lead off - may I suggest you all acquire the song Halloween by AFI? It's kinda old and really short - but I guaruntee you'll be humming it until Easter.

So my interest in Halloween tends to come and go. And not like most people where it comes around every October as it should. it's more of an every couple of years kind of thing. The last time I got in to Halloween was during my final year of college and me and buddy went as Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble. They're not horribly creative costumes but they were pretty authentic and well done and we had a great time. Last year, for whatever reason, I just never got in to it. There were a few parties available but I just didn't feel like making the ffort of finding a decent costume. I tend to try and lean more on the funny or clever than the traditional scarey and I guess I just wasn't that funny last year. Many would say I never was/am.

This year there's a couple good parties I'd like to attend, and one I think I've settled on. The problem is, I once again can not come up with a good costume. If anyone has any ideas - feel free to comment and throw them at me. I'm all ears.

Thumbs Up!

Here's one more quick post before I pack as fast as I can so I can get some sleep.

Want to play a cool halloween trick? Just buy one of these, stick it in your computer, and watch your friends gasp. They'll never want a thumb drive again.

What A Creep!

I don't know why this story screams that it needs to be posted, but it does. Maybe it's because it gives me the shivers. This woman needs to start acknowledging her gut feelings. I'm sure they were going off even before she got inside the garage. I know if I were getting a divorce from someone, and he suddenly wanted me to come out to the garage, I'd be wondering what was going on. Yeah, he'd set up a haunted house for halloween. Yeah, right.

I'm not trying to say I blame her, just...I dunno, she needs to be more careful.

Only in Canada!

Only inCanada would kids be able to walk up to 24 Sussex Drive and Stornoway, knock on the door, yell "trick or treat!" and receive candy from the Prime Minister and head of the opposition. Seriously, it was on the news last night. Holy wow. That's just funny. Did they always do that? I used to live near Ottawa and never heard about that on the radio or TV or anything. That's just cute.

You Are Here?

Before I start making fun of people who search for strange things, let me say this. Anybody who thinks that those floating flash ads are a good idea and uses them on their websites deserves a big kick in the nuts, even if that person happens to be a girl. Now on with the show.

We've got a really weird selection of search terms this time out, some of the strangest I've ever seen, so let's get down to business.

19 Mar, Sat, 18:35:02
Yahoo:
nude sighties

You know, I for one think it's great that blind people are out on the net looking for porn like everyone else. That's the right attitude, don't let anything get you down, try to stay as upbeat as possible.

17 Mar, Thu, 15:22:48
Yahoo:
free fat bitchs

You know, I for one think that we absolutely should, and that all of those among us who have the nerve to capture them should be ashamed of themselves.

02 Apr, Sat, 12:25:44
Yahoo:
paralyzed+disabled people having sex=pictures

Perhaps I should have paid more attention, but I don't recall that equation ever coming up in any math class I've ever been in. I guess the old saying is true, you learn something new every day.

27 Mar, Sun, 16:52:16
Yahoo:
nanny-goat genitals

I'm going to hold out hope that the person who searched that is a veterinarian. Then again, if you're a professional and you're getting your research materials from a place called the Vomet Comet, maybe that's not so good after all.

Here come a couple for the good folks working in the What The Fuck Department.

30 Mar, Wed, 17:19:44
Google: "
white tiger" "halloween costume" gay guy picture fangs

It almost seems like this guy was trying to be super efficient by searching for 2 things at the same time. Not a bad idea, it's too bad it didn't quite work out.

04 Apr, Mon, 03:08:51
Yahoo:
hockey+tournament+five+dollar+dildo+show

I've got nothin', let's move on.

08 Apr, Fri, 15:18:42
Yahoo:
PRISSY BIGGOTS

I had to throw this one in just because I've never seen those 2 words together before.

08 Apr, Fri, 10:18:17
Yahoo:
sucking cock in oshawa

I had to throw this one in for the benefit of the people who've been wondering what Matt's been up to these days.

And finally, we have this.

27 Apr, Wed, 19:11:43
Yahoo: "
shoe penis"

Would that be a penis shaped like a shoe? A shoe shaped like a penis? A shoe that you could wear on your penis? A kick from a shoe to a penis? So many questions, so little time.

And just like that, we're done. We'll do this again soon though, don't worry. the only thing I don't like about this bit is coming up with good endings for it. That's always been a pain in the ass. I guess I could always just not bother. Yeah, good idea.

Hallowe'en Countdown. Last Edition

Well, it's an emotional day. It's the last installment for the Hallowe'en Countdown which really wasn't a countdown since there was no particular order. And I'll admit this is is a very anti-climactic end to the "countdown" as there have been more amusing edtions... but it's still good and it's still hard to be done with. Anyway here it is. Down the road we'll find some Christmas fun but for now, let's just deal with this.

---
can't tell you how it began, when it began, or why it began -- but it happened. "Ghoul-Aid," a series of Halloween beverage mixes from the fine folks running Kraft's Kool-Aid factory, sought to capitalize on the season we love so much with spooky flavors and devilish pictures of the Kool-Aid Man in vampire garb. To say this was the defining moment of mankind is a gross understatement; the reality is, every culture and every race in the entire universe can look to the debut of Ghoul-Aid as the benchmark by which all other events must be compared. In fewer words, I really, really like the stuff.

There were several varieties of Ghoul-Aid available, though "Scary Blackberry" seems to have been the only one to receive a wide release in the States. This, by default, makes a handful of other countries much better than ours. World leaders, take note. Wars are a thing of the past. Conflicts can be resolved and victorious nations can be named simply by determining who has the most available varieties of Ghoul-Aid. Bring our boys home; pour them a cup of liquid sugar high. Yeah. Flavor aside, the real coup was all in the packaging -- a Dracula version of the Kool-Aid Man is the kind of thing that shapes the dreams and doodles of any third-grader, or in this case, a really bored guy in his mid 20s. Rumors persist that Ghoul-Aid is a permanent addition -- something that's dusted off year after year during the Halloween season -- but I've had no luck finding it. That might put the cool drawing of the Ghoul-Aid Man on the shelf, but for those wondering what this "Scary Blackberry" crap tasted like, there's still hope.

If you've never seen the Kool-Aid F.A.Q., you don't know what you're missing. The immense document covers everything from how to make "Kool-Aid Toast" to at least 30 different tutorials on how to dye your hair with the shit, and when it comes to lost flavors, the F.A.Q. has you covered. I'm not sure when it was last updated (seems to have been running from at least 1998, if not earlier), but according to some guy named Michael Cooper, "Scary Blackberry" is but a single trip to the local grocer away.

In his words: "Just a note to let you all know I mixed up my own Scary Blackberry tonight, just a little different than the recipe given by Kraft. I actually mixed grape, cherry, and tropical punch and three cups of sugar together in a three quart pitcher and then diluted it accordingly into my storage pitchers. For the record, I can't say it tastes exactly like Scary Blackberry, because I've never had any. I will say that it tastes *exactly* like a mix of those three flavors, with the tropical punch flavor being most dominant. The color, however, is a great Halloween blood reddish-purple."

Well, if it's good enough for this Michael Cooper guy, it's good enough for me...




I had to substitute "Blastin' Berry Cherry" for "Cherry," but I found the right "Grape" and "Tropical Punch" flavors. Had to dig through a huge pile of Kool-Aid's "Mad Scientist" flavors that had magical changing colors and other weird crap, but if that's what I gotta do to get myself some Ghoul-Aid, I can take it. I was probably a little off with the flavor-to-flavor ratio, but after adding enough sugar to lure ants as far away as Guam, the end results seemed on the mark:




Well I'll be! Though technically not "Scary Blackberry," the mixture is indeed an intensely deep red and tastes pretty much exactly how a blackberry-flavored Kool-Aid should. Incredible stuff, actually. I'm not a big Kool-Aid aficionado, but I still drank six or seven cups in succession before finally succumbing to the sugar rush by running around the ceiling singing that song Frasier belts out in his ending credits. This was gooood drinkin'. Who knew the key to harmony lied in a glass of Scary Blackberry Ghoul-Aid? I mean, besides Michael Cooper?




Finally, a reason to obey your thirst. Fuck Sprite.




I'm not sure if they were available here, but at least in Canada, other varieties of Ghoul-Aid popped up. "Scary Black Cherry" and "Eerie Orange" can't match the charm of the original, but it's nice to have options if you wanted to drink Halloween Kool-Aid but had a peculiar distaste for anything blackberry-flavored. Unfortunately, instead of wearing the vampire suit, these follow-ups pictured the Kool-Aid Man with nothing more than a cheesy black wrap-around bandana -- a costume that would've seemed way more pitiful if the guy wasn't already a living pitcher full of fruit punch.

Anyway, I guess that's all. For those interested, I wasn't kidding about that makeshift mixture. It's really tasty. As for the "real" varieties of Ghoul-Aid, who knows? Maybe Kraft'll surprise us. Maybe they won't. Maybe they won't. Maybe they will. Maybe maybe they they won't will will won't. God, I drank too much Kool-Aid.
===
And with that, Hallowe'en is over forever! Well, for a year or so.

Be Safe

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old To Be Trick Or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Hallowe'en Countdown: Crowning The Season's Champ... Sorta

Well, we haven't had this in a while so here's another installment of our Hallowe'en Countdown. Enjoy. I'll try and get some more reading of "interest" for y'all up here tomorrow.

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We've seen lots of oddball candy selections for this Halloween season, but not everyone is skipping over the classics. Even at the top of Choco Mountain, three of the sales leaders have taken a bite out of the holiday spirit and filled the wound with all sorts of marshmallow slime and peanut butter creme. Hershey's, Reese's, and Snickers have all been given the Halloween treatment, and more striking than their similarities there is the fact that they've uniformly been souped up to look like pumpkins. No ghosts, no vampires, no witches or Frankensteins. Pumpkins, and lots of 'em. Their respected names will surely make these the season's top sellers and the most bragged about entries into any kid's trick-or-treat sack, but when all the chocolate is stripped and the bellies of our youth more bloated than a dead beached sea turtle, there can only be...one champion. Which of these three ace card contenders is the true leader of the pumpkin-shaped chocolate Halloween candy society? Let's find out.




First up, Hershey's "Marshmallow Pumpkin," a big chocolate shell containing an even bigger loaf of marshmallow gunk. Though it's the only one of the three magic pumpkins that isn't hideously unhealthy, it's also the most boring. The marshmallow filling is fine on the first bite, but subsequent bites will leave you craving the worse yet tastier types of fillings found in the next entries. There is such a thing as too much marshmallow, and this is edible proof. Worst of all, it's only shaped like a Jack O' Lantern in the vaguest of ways, looking as much like half a monkey's ass as it does a pumpkin. On the plus side, it's cheap eatin' and the royal purple foil wrapper might inspire you into grander themes for your future wedding parties. Truth be told, apologies to Hershey's -- this just ain't the candy I'd be willing to build my future around. Pass.




From flop to glob, here's Reese's "Peanut Butter Pumpkin," a takeoff on their classic peanut butter cups. If you like the cups, you'll love this -- it's the same thing, just with 80 times more filling. Again, the pumpkin shape is more subdued than it should be, but you'll be too busy eating way too much peanut butter creme to care. Besides, with this one, it's all about the free association. This is a Halloween peanut butter cup, right? For all intents? So, you'll bite into it, realize how much it tastes like the regular cups, and invariably be reminded of that old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercial, where Dracula confesses that "he likes to eat the peanut butter...first." Then you'll try to eat the pb-pumpkins just as Dracula, ultimately failing, but having an incredible amount of fun along the way. For 69 cents, all that shit's a bargain. Still, I don't think Reese's has successfully topped our last entry...




Presenting this year's champion, the "Snickers Pumpkin." If you're going to eat a candy bar, there's usually no better avenue than the almighty Snickers -- and every part of that enticing formula has been perfectly mimicked and modified into a pumpkin-shaped holiday concession. This time, the pumpkin actually looks right, with decisively pronounced triangular eyes, a gaping mouth, and a stem that makes you want to take a step back and thank the good lord for creating life intelligent enough to make something so wonderful. And there's caramel! And nuts and all that other stuff! Chocolate! You can talk up the marshmallows and peddle the peanut butter all you want -- anyone faithful to their objectivity can see that Snickers took the crown fair and square tonight.

Bow to your new champ. Then eat it
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Y'all have a good night. More tomorrow.

Hallowe'en Countdown! "Trick Or Treat" BUBBLE TAPE!

Back with some more Hallowe'en fun. This time we take a look at Trick Or Treat Bubble Tape. How could it not be cool.

Don't forget to check out all the other cool stuff on X-E. The place is loaded with all kinds neat stuff. But for now, let's look at Hallowe'en Bubble Tape.

---I'm going to assume that everyone reading has tried "Bubble Tape" at some point in their life -- if you haven't, you're insane. It's six feet worth of bubble gum, all wrapped neatly into a little dispenser for one low cost. Six feet! If I'm remembering things correctly, Bubble Tape was first unleashed on the world when I was in the fifth grade -- long time ago, so it's a long-standing commodity in the candy market. When this stuff first came out, though, kids were absolutely wild for it. It wasn't "just" gum, it was this huge experience and any of us who had a pack instantly climbed that unspoken social ladder by at least three steps. There was a huge ad campaign that tried to pit any child who ate Bubble Tape as a disobedient rebel and generally cool guy, so of course, that's the gum we wanted the most. Over the years, there's been oodles of new flavors, but it doesn't seem to pack quite the star quality it did during my youth. There's been spans of months where I won't see it on sale anywhere, but fortunately, it'll always pop up again, sometimes with a weird gimmick. A weird gimmick like this: Bubble Tape's "Trick or Treat" black raspberry gum. Yep, you can say "holy shit" now. Even Bubble Tape has a Halloween edition.




It's interesting, to say the least. As bubble gum in general just becomes more tastebud-assaulting in the sour and tart department, black raspberry seemed like a natural choice. Indeed, the inside of your mouth with go batshit nutso upon receipt of the gum. The "bubble" part isn't quite literal, as it's not really chewy enough to make anything but a few token bubs that last two seconds before staining your lips with deep purple gumjuice. They should market that as a selling point. Kids love looking filthy. I don't, but the stains remain nonetheless. I just had a piece now, and my tongue looks like a half-defrosted steak. I wonder if eating "Trick of Treat" Bubble Tape can help me nail a halfassed-but-passable Halloween costume.

"Hi partygoers. I'm the guy with the bruised tongue. I hear there's punch!!"

I'm perfectly fine with Halloween Bubble Tape -- actually, the thought of it tickles me. There's just one thing I gotta know, and it's something that's bothered me for the better part of my life.




Is there really six feet of gum in there?




Nope, there isn't. They're more than a full foot short with that claim. I even allowed for a reasonable margin of error, as the end of the roll was pretty brittle and impossible to lay out in a straight line without breakage. BUBBLE TAPE HAS BEEN LYING TO US, FOLKS. There's only 4'11" worth of gum in those packages. We've been gypped!

Though, you know, 4'11" worth of bubble gum is nothing to cry about. I just so wished that the wad of unchewed glory would actually be taller than I am. If only I was an Oompaloompa. With a bruised tongue. With lots and lots of money. Think I'll go chew my sorrows away. Bye. :(

The Frozen Hand Of Death

Taking a break from the unpleasantness that is the last post I thought I'd share this with you all. Got an email from a friend who I promised a bit of space to and she came through with something kind of cool considering the Halloween thing that we've got happening here. I'm also getting in my 1 and hopefully only inside joke. If Matt can do it, then damnit, so can I! And if he has a problem with that, he can feel free to start some behind the scenes infighting with me. So without further delay, take it away, Hailley!

**so here is one thing I wanted to pass along goes with that popcorn hand
grins.

Delicious! As it is with any Halloween punch, a frozen 'hand' adds just the
right spooky touch! The combined colors make a delightfully scary look!
Makes 1 gallon (32 servings).

Black Halloween Punch

1 (.13 ounce) envelope unsweetened grape soft drink mix
1 (.13 ounce) envelope unsweetened orange soft drink mix
2 cups white sugar
3 quarts cold water
1 liter ginger ale

Directions
1. To make a frozen hand, wash a disposable glove, fill with water, seal
with a rubber band and freeze until hard.

2. Stir together grape soft drink mix, orange soft drink mix, sugar and
water until solids are dissolved. Combine with chilled ginger ale just
before serving. Dip the frozen hand briefly in warm water, then peel off
the glove.

Float the prepared hand in the punch bowl for a ghastly effect.

This is a real actual recipe but the hand part sounds real cool.
Now the other lil' ditty I wanted to post was...and remember you said you
would put up there whatever I wanted,ok? So..this is what I want to
ask...Steve, is it still a toaster? ehehehehe

Hailley

Ok, back to me again. Matt, or anybody else, let me know if that worked, I tried to put the email in red and me in the plain old regular colour that we always use, just to make things easier for the sighties and to prove that I'm just that cool.

Anyway to answer 1 question, yes, it is indeed a toaster and it will be so to it's dying day. Even the lone person who refuses to believe this cold hard fact has cracked on a few ocasions and refered to it by it's true name. In any case, I don't have to deal with it anymore as it is now gone away from here and taken up residence in another, more anti-toaster household. It has been replaced by a new toaster which is proud of it's toaster heritage.

Thanks for the cool recipe by the way. I can't even imagine pulling that shit on my drunk friends, would freak the shit out of them for sure. Well not the ones who read this site since they'll already know but not everybody reads this so cool idea.

More from me later.

Hallowe'en Countdown. Those Cool Spider Ring Things

And now another installment of our fun little Halloween Countdown from over on X-E. Today we look at those cool spider rings. What would Hallowe'en be without Spider Rings? A Crappy Hallowe'en, that's what! Enjoy!

---Our collective fascination with those damned plastic "spider rings" is something I find difficult to explain, but for the sake of avoiding a single-sentence countdown entry, I'm going to give it a shot. I think the big point of interest with these things lies in the fact that they're a Halloween constant -- not just a staple. For as long as I can remember, and that's pretty long, these rings have looked perfectly the same, and have always arrived at a price of five cents each. There are no surprises with spider rings: you know what you're getting, and unless there's a rapid shift in the universal balance, the schematics will remain the same until the day you die. In truth, they're nothing special and they never were, but sometimes, simplicity is divine. Spider rings are simple, and they're certainly divine. And they make your fingers look like they're crawwwwlin' with bugs!

Aside from their usual base of operations -- party stores -- I've seen the things countless times at Jersey shore video arcades. Amidst the 700,000-point video game systems and equally unattainable but less interesting Hummel statues, the spider rings remained a quick five-point bounty for any kid who just didn't understand the nuances of "Pop-A-Ball" or video poker. Nevertheless, the toys are tuned for Halloween, and if you've went through this past month without tacking one of these beasts over your ring finger, you're missing out on the bestest best way to capture the holiday spirit.




The rings most typically arrive in the classic Halloween colors, though much more frequently in black. The orange ones are neat and seasonal, but come on...orange spiders? Course, they're sized more for kiddy fingers than adults, but the band is easily chewed apart to allow entry for chubbier digits. Better yet, chew off the band part entirely, and you've got some pretty decent fake spiders to prank your friends with. When placed on the floor, a quick glance paints them as the real thing, and if there's anything more fun than tricking someone into thinking they've got a big spider crawling on 'em, I've never experienced it.

Though sold by the piece for a nickel, you can buy these little guys by the gross for dirt cheap -- there's little chance that you'll find a use for 144 plastic spider rings, but trying to sounds like it'd be a fun project. "#37: Eyebrow scratcher... #123: Something to throw at TV during unwanted reruns of Frasier..." They're not the grandest of the gamut of Halloween toys, but they're one of the classics.

That's right. Spider rings are a classic.

Hallowe'en Countdown. Freaky Froot Loops!

Here's Another neat little Hallowe'en Treat for y'all.

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The cereal aisles have been positively assaulted by the Halloween spirit, with virtually every brand except for those fibrous ones meant to help old people shit getting the spooky treatment. While Count Chocula and pals lead the pack, some of the more iconic bad boys of the breakfast table are donning fake fangs in a massive effort to cash in on the horror fest -- not even your fabled Froot Loops are safe.




Yep, it's Kellogg's Freaky Froot Loops, the sweetened multigrain cereal that lets you follow Toucan Sam's nose straight to Hell. The bird's even dolled himself up with a vampire cowl, while keeping his trademark smile just to let the kiddies know that, despite the outfit, he hasn't transformed into a hideous murdering monster. You know, from what I've heard, that's pretty debatable. The box marks the cereal as being a "limited edition" offering, in case there's a few collectible dealers out there who see a potential future selling off old boxes of Halloween Froot Loops. I don't, but it's still nice to know that I'm buying food that will simply cease to exist come November of this year. Though, if Freaky Froot Loops returns in 2004, the edition really wouldn't have been all that "limited." I'm not saying that Toucan Sam is a liar, but there's room for doubt.

Wow, that's the first time I've doubted a toucan like...ever. Halloween is so full of surprises.




To make the cereal more seasonal, some of those more SHOCKING and NEON colors have been excluded -- there's no blue or red loops in Freaky Froot Loops, and while that's reason to cry, the bird compensates with the addition of fa-reeeeky marshmallows! Yep, you get marshmallow bones, ghosts, and masks! The bones look more like broken off pieces of other marshmallows, the ghosts look like sperm, and they call the masks "masks" so they won't have to scare children by naming what's obviously meant to be "skull" marshmallows. All of 'em arrive in a base color of white with orange swirls abounding, and you can almost hear Dracula golf clapping off in the distance with horrific approval.

In any case, it still tastes as fantastic as ever, and the Froot Loops haven't lost their trademark of smelling exactly like those moist towelettes Chinese restaurants hand you when you're finished fondling all of those dead pig bones. Say what you will about these companies doing all this Halloween stuff just to spark sales, but it's still nice to see. In a world where holiday television specials are increasingly tossed aside from their usual prime time spots, and where my very own neighborhood seems to have lost its trick-or-treater count over the years by 90%, it's great to see someone, even Toucan Sam, get into the spirit of things. He's no Boo Berry, but hey, he's predominately blue just the same.




The back of the box features all sorts of Halloween-themed game, ranging from Toucan Sam's "Creepy Crossword" to Toucan Sam's "Freaky Riddles," and even Toucan Sam's "Wispy Word Hunt." The side panel has a recipe for "Crunchy Caramel Apples" using Apple Jacks as a primary ingredient, which is interesting since I bought Froot Loops, not Apple Jacks. Couldn't they name me one special food to make with the cereal in hand? I dunno, "Toucan Sam's Criminal Crispies" or something? Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, and if there's anything I am, it's a beggar. A beggar with Froot Loops cereal dust all over his crotch. I think I found my Halloween costume.
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More later, Kids.