Um, I don't think so.

Ok, spammers are really trying to bug me. I'm waiting for word from RBC (Royal Bank of Canada) on whether I got a job. Today, I got not one, but two spam from an address claiming to be Royal Bank of Canada. You can stop teasing me right about now. Somehow, this doesn't look like a job offer.

I've known for a long, long time, Paul. blake boris He loved her so much; without her he would die.

There was a snap as the pin broke in two, the part in the lock falling in, and he had a dull moment to consider his failure before he saw that the door was slowly swinging open with the tongue of the lock sticking out of the plate like a steel finger. It went over the edge and he was still inside it! That's not always how it works, but usually that's it. If not for you I could be home watching TV now with my hand on my wife's leg. I'm here. He reached down, but the tips of his fingers stopped a clear three inches short of the floor, where one of the two or three bobby-pins that had fallen from her hair as she charged him lay. He took three dry, then crawled back to the door and lay down against it, blocking it with the weight of his body. diddle

Um nope.

Is this an epiphany or the product of a sleep-deprived mind?

Have you ever sat there doing what you think is a step in the direction where you want to take your life and then you suddenly wonder if you've made the biggest mistake possible and is this really what you want the rest of your life to contain?

I'm sitting here answering phones at a distress line. one of the people who phones a lot calls and talks. The same shit that has happened to her before is happening and she's sad because of her predicament. I used to care. I used to empathize. I used to try and genuinely listen. But today, I could have given two shits. I just wanted to be off the phone. I am so frustrated, burned out, pissed off. What is the point of giving your heart and soul if it doesn't do any good? More often than not, I see the same thing in every volunteer job I do. I see women going back to their abusers, callers going through the same things, people I help just pulling bullshit. My mind says it's a tough road and there are always going to be setbacks, you cannot judge, you just have to do your part. It also tries to remind me of all the positives. Then an evil part of my mind blames me for feeling this way. it knows I probably invest way too much in everything I do, and if I'd just behaved with some level of sanity, I wouldn't be feeling this. But I don't know how else to be! I'm trying to stop myself from getting so deeply involved in everything, but I've always felt I had to go the extra mile. now I have to untrain myself, and I don't know where to begin.

But my heart just screams! It wants to shut down! it wants to stop trying, and it doesn't know where this rush of complete and utter apathy is coming from. I left this morning tired because my body decided I wasn't getting more than about 2 hours' sleep, but that was it. I hoped I'd have a good shift. That was all I thought. There was no dread, there was nothing telling me this was coming. Now, it's hit me like a ton of bricks, and the suddenness of it is shocking!

So...it's probably nothing. And many have seen worse than I have and they keep on truckin', so what is my problem? My worst thought is if this isn't what I'm supposed to do, what am I supposed to do? Will I find something satisfying ever?

And then another thought yells from inside my head. "Stop being such a baby. Probably everybody has had these thoughts, and there are bigger problems to worry about than whether or not you're happy in whatever job you end up doing. Shut up and wait for the next call."

It's probably true. I'm sure after a good night's sleep, I won't feel this overwhelming need to forget about everything in the social work field and run madly in another direction. I just had to write it down to stop it from eating away at me all shift. Hopefully I'll have something happier to write later.

You're in What Grade Again?

I just got asked by a friend to proofread his French notes for a presentation. I said sure. It's always good to get another set of eyes looking at things you write, especially if it's not in your native tongue. Granted French isn't my native tongue either, but I said I'd help. I knew the last time I'd read his French, it was, well, not good. But that was a couple of years ago, so I thought maybe he had improved.

I get his notes, and I let out a shriek of frustration. If anything, his French has gotten worse! I have to ask myself, how is he getting through university French classes with this caliber of complete and utter incompetence? Are his tutors doing his essays for him? If so, they should stop. If not, why did I bother to work so hard if you could scrape through with this bullshit? I mean, it looks like maybe he's in grade five French. Ug!

I'm looking at this now thinking, why do I give a rat's ass how he does in French? I did well, his marks probably blow goats. So what does it matter? I guess I'm completely amazed that he's still here with the level of crap he's spewing. I wonder what my degree is worth if people like him can write the kind of stuff he does, still be here and get a degree too. The whole thing just makes me wonder why I worked so hard. I'll cry if he graduates with distinction. That'll probably never happen, but if it does, then I'll know the degree isn't worth the paper it's written on.

The Dreaded N-Word!

No, I'm not talking about dear old Michael Richards's outburst of a few days ago. I'm talking about a different n-word. Nation! Sorry, George Stroumboulopoulos, I had to steal your bit from the hour, just because I thought it was hilarious.

Seriously, though, what in hell does all of this mean? Let me try and process this. Stephen Harper has said that Quebec is a nation within Canada. That alone is enough to give me an aneurysm from the amount of brain power required to try and grasp what this even means. Let me define nation. According to dictionary.com, a nation is:

Nation
noun

1.

a large body of people, associated with a particular territory, that is sufficiently conscious of its unity to seek or to possess a government peculiarly its own: The president spoke to the nation about the new tax.

2.

the territory or country itself: the nations of Central America.

3.

a member tribe of an American Indian confederation.

4.

an aggregation of persons of the same ethnic family, often speaking the same language or cognate languages.

So, how does this even apply to Quebec? Definition 1 doesn't make sense, they don't have a government peculiarly their own, because they're still subordinate to the Canadian government. No. 2 doesn't really work because no. 1's already screwed. Since they're not natives, they're colonisers just like the rest of us, they can't take no. 3, and no. 4 doesn't even work, because look at how many English-speakers and speakers of other languages live in Quebec, just like they do in the rest of the country.

Since this motion makes 0 sense on its own, I don't know what it really means. Is it a step towards Quebec separating? Not on the surface, because Harper said that Quebec would never be a nation disconnected from Canada. But what else could it be? It doesn't really satisfy anyone, it's already made the Bloc Québécois mad, saying they won't accept this. So what will we have to do next to make them happy? Make baby steps towards having their sovereign until they need something from Canada Quebec?

If your head isn't already spinning enough, what the Bloc says back makes me very confused. I quote:
"The Quebec nation cannot be boiled down to one of two options: a nation within a united Canada, or a separate, sovereign nation."

So what *do* you want? Are you just fighting for the sake of fighting? Oh of course you are! That's what all politicians do.

And who's going to be next to ask to be a nation within Canada, whatever that means? Could Newfoundland ask to become a nation? What about the Acadians in New Brunswick? What about Toronto because of all the Asians? Or what about all the fragments of Quebec who don't want to separate? Can they be nations within Quebec? You can't do that to a country!

I went and stayed in Quebec for five weeks. That by no means makes me an expert on their history, but it made me see a few things. I know their language is eroding, and that it was suppressed by previous federal governments, and that's not cool. I know they feel that English is pervading their culture, and it kind of is. But unfortunately, that's mostly a product of their geographical location. Let's face it, they are in an English sandwich! The only way they could save their language the way they want to save it is to reloacate everyone to either an island somewhere, or to France or Belgium or somewhere that speaks French. The human brain picks up on its surroundings, and those cannot be legislated out!

I think my head has stopped spinning, but oddly enough, it's right back where it started. I can't make sense of this, and I don't think I ever will. The only way it will ever make sense is in retrospect, after whatever comes of this has time to unfold. It doesn't look, to me, like a good chain of events.

I Hate To Use Something So Corny, But What An American Idiot

I realize that this story is kind of old, but it's so great and I've heard so little about it that it just has to be mentioned. And if anybody knows about any new developments in this case, I'd love to hear about them. I love watching other people humiliate themselves.

Oregon Grocery Store Clerk Claims To Have Written Green Day's American Idiot

McPike is representing himself in the matter and the only evidence he has submitted thus far is a copy of American Idiot and a claim that the words that Green Day vocalist Billie Joe Armstrong sings on the album don't exactly match those printed in the liner notes. The former ski resort employee plans to continue researching copyright law and to resubmit his complaint with additional unspecified evidence.

McPike says he's written songs since high school and, while he's never performed publicly, he's occasionally sung some of his compositions for friends. He believes that a buddy must have recorded him singing at home, and that a cassette of his work somehow got into Green Day's hands.

Riiiiight.

But let's play pretend for a minute and act like this guy isn't either out of his mind or completely full of shit. If he wins his case, Green Day could be in real trouble. I hate to say it, but if he wrote that song, there's no telling how much of their other work he might ultimately be responsible for. I love Green Day, but even I know that a lot of their stuff has a similar sound to it, and they could end up owing him a lot of money depending on how many of those tapes they lifted from his friends over the years.

World's Worst Drivers is the World's Funniest Show.

Well, maybe not, but it's pretty damn funny. If you ever get the chance to watch the show World's Worst Drivers, do it! It's not just that the horrid driving stunts that are captured on video are utterly hillarious. It's not just that the guy doing the narrating is able to keep cracking me up with his descriptions of imbeciles behind the wheel. But you have to see the episode where, when a bad British driver is pulled over, he shouts at the camera man, twice, "Get that camera off me or I'll shove it up your ringpiece!" And the best is he doesn't even seem threatening. Oh he's trying, but failing. Ringpiece? Ya learn a new word every day!

What Year Is It Anyway?

Everybody keeps telling me that it's 2006, but with all this
talk of microphone outfitted security cameras on public streets,
I swear that it's actually 1984. Seriously guys, you're creeping me out here.

And I know I know, you're claiming that the microphones can't pick up words because they're up too high and you can't zoom the audio in to make it clearer anyway, but if that's the case, how can they hear tones? I seriously wish that the general public was half way aware of stuff like this, because the people responsible for this system and others like it should have to provide quite a few good answers to quite a few good questions before anything is installed anywhere.

From: Your Blogger.

Um...ok then. I just got a spam from, and I quote, "Your Doctor," advertising meds. Mysteriously, my doctor has lost her name, and writes me now, just claiming she's my doctor. Uh-huh. Nice job, spammers. But the sad thing is this might work on some people. I can see it now. "Oh. It's my doctor! It must be legit." Oh the creative ways of spammers to prey on the stupid, the naive and the uninformed.

I Didn't Know You Were a Mute.

I swear the strangest things happen to me when I'm out and about. Like this little gem for example. I'll be standing at an intersection waiting for my chance to cross and not get killed. The time comes, andI'll step off. Suddenly, without a word spoken, someone who I didn't even notice beside me will have a firm grip on my arm!

Um dude. I appreciate you're help, but if you don't say a word to me, I have no idea what your intentions are. If I was a more jumpy person, I might think you were robbing me and start swingin'! I can't even say all the ones who grab me without a word can't speak the language, because when I say something like "What the hell?" I get very clear English spoken back.

Why do people feel the need to grab and try and drag me places? I mean, would they like it if random people decided to grab them and help them get into the store and across the street without provocation? Yesterday, the guy's grip wasn't so firm, so I was able to give him a little shove that was half accidental, half startled response and get him away. I appreciate the help, but please ask first before you decide to help me, and please, please, please, speak! With the number of creeps lurking around downtown anymore, I don't take chances!

2 Things I Want For Christmas

It's that time of year again. Time for my friends, family and blog readers [yeah right] to start asking the big question. "Steve, what do you want for Christmas?" Most years I kind of pause and just say "I dunno, just get me a gift certificate or something," but this year I actually have 2 pretty good suggestions for everyone.

Suggestion number 1:
The Vestibules,
one of the greatest comedy troops of all time, have just released a huge collection of their classic material in a 4-volume mp3 set. The details are
here,
and if you're a longtime fan like I am, you'll love what they've included here. Each volume is only $5, and I can safely say that they could charge double that and I'd still buy all 4 of them.

Suggestion number 2:
A roll of Recording Industry Association Of America toilet Paper.

I think Cory Doctorow over at
Boing Boing
said it best when he said, "Jinx is selling $6 rolls of RIAA bumwad -- though it seems redundant. Those four letters are already inextricably associated with dirty assholes."

How true.

And yes, I realize that toilet paper was suggestion number 2. Aren't I clever? I didn't think so either, don't worry.

Plugs Ahoy!

It's actually only 1 plug, but I couldn't think of anything better to call this.

Salty Ham.com,
the list happiest site on the internet, is at it again. This time they've teamed up with the folks from
TBL
and
X Headlines
to present the top 100 pro wrestlers of all time.

Even though I've never been high on stuff like this, I went along with it because it's good for business and I'm cool like that.

Anywho, the first part of the list is now up and ready for you to look over and comment on
here.

More of the list will be released in the coming weeks, and since I plug everything I do and I always need posting material, I'll let you know when they're posted. You can always stop by The Ham and look for them, but you should already be visiting there daily anyway so I shouldn't have to tell you that.

Why I Don't Write Songs

Any time I've been involved in any sort of musical project, I've always been pretty well content to stay away from the songwriting end of things. The reason for that is simple. I don't write songs because I know that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I will never in a million lifetimes be able to do better than
this,
which may just be the greatest piece of music ever composed.

Thanks to our old pal Greg for passing this work of genius our way.

Aaaaa! Not Yet!

I was sitting with a friend yesterday when she suddenly turned to me and said, "You have a big patch of grey hair!" This freaked me out, because I'm only 27! What the hell am I doing with a big spot of grey hair? I know I stress out a lot, maybe I gave them to myself! What a thought?

This started a whole cascade of thoughts. I wondered what it looks like, since I can't really stand in front of a mirror and check. Ug!

Then I thought, how long until my whole head of hair is grey? What if it happens soon? I always said I wouldn't rinse my hair, after seeing my mom's hair destroyed by hair-colouring solution that always smelled more like urine than anything else. I'd watch her walk around with that thing on her head and think, "Why would you willingly wear piss on your head?" I knew it was to look good, but it still seemed wrong. Now her hair is all dry, like straw, and brittle. I don't want mine to feel that way.

But I don't want to look like an old hag either! I mean, some people can pull off the dignified grey hair thing, but I think they have to be actually older first. I don't think I'm that old yet.

Then I thought, god I'm vain. I never wanted to be that way. I'm not the girl who likes to dress up. Hell I hate dressing up. I always feel like I can't do what I feel comfortable doing because I'll rip something or dirty something. Ug. Too much work. Plus it doesn't feel like it suits me.

Then I thought, I think I'm thinking too much, probably adding to my stupid grey hairs.

I wonder how big the patch is now? Maybe after a while, if I get enough of them, people won't think of me as the lost little kid anymore. Maybe this has its advantages.

Arg....Government!

It just never stops. The government's quest for more ways to get tax money out of the people. Here's the latest twist. Get this. There are internet gaming environments like Second Life and World of Warcraft, in which you can play these games and interact with other users. One of the things you can do withother users is buy and sell things. But this is all within the virtual world. This virtual economy is booming, and some of these communities have a virtual GDP rivaling the real GDP's of some small countries. Apparently, there is now a U.S. congressional committee investigating how to tax these virtual assets. Sure, if user a and user b exchange real money, they know how to tax that, but now they want to tax the virtual stuff, the stuff that never leaves the server on which the game is played.

Hey buds, do you not grasp the difference between virtual and real? If the assets are *virtual*, they don't actually exist outside the fantasy land of these servers. Therefore, there is no earthly way you can tax them! What's next? You're going to tax the assets gained in monopoly games? But they're still ploughing ahead, wanting to have a report drafted up on this by the end of the year.

All I can say is, stupid government pricks! Do they not know when to stop? Of course they don't! Why do I bother to ask?

What's He Going To Do When They Make Another Movie?

Right now, somewhere in Britain, there is a man walking around named James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. But the difference between him and the poor kids with names like Superman and Harry Potter [those are their first names] in
this story
is that at least the Bond guy got to make the choice for himself. the others are poor kids who had those names given to them at birth.

I guess the point of this post, other than to point out the complete absurdity of something like this, is to show
Carin
that no matter how bad names get, things can always get worse.

Do I Dare Call it a Debate?

I kind of feel bad not having this up sooner, but time got away from me. Then this whole thing came back to me, and with all the other talk of the municipal election, I felt this had to be posted.

I'm really glad they have debates before an election, not just so you can hear what the politicians' stances are on issues, but so you can get a feel for who they are. But this debate, which had our five candidates for the two councillors in our part of the city, on top of all of that, was just entertaining. I think some of these people should have had a little more practice.

Let's get a look at how our candidates did, or at least how I felt they did. First off, there were the two who were already on council, trying to keep their seats. Maggie Laidlaw was cool. She said things that made sense, was able to joke, and you really felt she was comfortable. I guess other people agreed, she's still here, and got the highest number of votes.

Dan Schnurr, on the other hand, seemed more than a bit nervous. Whenever anyone asked him a hard question, he would sit squarely on the fense and say nothing of any consequence. He confused me, because just when I thought I'd gotten a read on where he stood, he would surprise me. He seemed very conservative, and then he'd talk about his push for social housing. I felt sorry for poor Dan in a way, because as much as I tried to listen to him, his voice bugged the shit out of me. It sounded like he had swallowed one of those king-sized marbles and it was stuck in his vocal chords. I kept calling him Pee-wee Schnurrman.

But oh when you got to the people trying to get on council, that's where the fun began. I guess I can understand it, since they probably haven't had much practice with this stuff. First, there was Craig Chamberlain. You could tell he was obviously reading from his notes whenever they asked him a question. In his opening statement, he said something about "this is not about me and how bad I am at public speaking." I think it was supposed to be a joke, but it was more like a nail in the coffin for me. I don't remember a thing he said. Sometimes because whatever he spewed out didn't relate to the question at all, and sometimes because his delivery was so unbelievably distracting. Not only would he stutter and stammer long enough to run out of time, but sometimes he would drastically change his pace of speech from really slow to almost as fast as that guy in the Expedia.ca commercial. Ok not quite that fast, but you know what I mean. I do remember that his campaign was called the common ground campaign. He only said that a zilion times.

Next, there was June Hofland. She went from making perfect sense, like when she talked about things needing to be in walking distance because we need to do less driving, to being kind of funny, like when she talked about how she would meet with her neighbours to discuss things over butter tarts, to looking absolutely positively stupid! Note: when you're in a debate that could decide whether or not people vote for you, it's never good to get that deer in the headlights look and go "I ... don't ... knooooow!" on several questions. Maybe that just bugged me because it reminded me of other stupid dopes we met in a certain apartment hunt. Come on, show that you know something. Show that you've done some research into what you're going to do for the next four years. At the end, it was like she was pleading for people to give her a chance. "I really want to get onto council so I can learn these things..." Well I guess the pleading worked, she edged out poor old Pee-wee Schnurrman.

But the funniest one of all was Charlie Whittaker, who came in last. Where do I begin? Well, I guess I'll begin by telling him to turn on his microphone. This guy could not grasp the idea that in order for a microphone to work, you have to turn it on, and in order for it to not feed back when it was time for the next councillor to speak, you have to turn it off when you were done, and could not grasp the concept over the course of a two-hour debate. Steve thought that if we'd listened to the debate later, we should have played the "your microphone please, Charlie" drinking game, where you do a shot whenever the poor moderator had to tell dear old Charlie to turn on or off his microphone. But maybe it's a good idea we didn't, because by the end, we would have been completely smashed and unable to understand what they were saying anyway.

But the strangeness wasn't over once Charlie did get his microphone on and started to talk. When asked what his top issue was, all he could come up with was the beautification of Edinburgh Road. That's the best he could do? Make one road in the whole ward look better? There wasn't mention of affordable housing, families, jobs, the garbage situation. Just the beautification of one road.

The best was his complete arrogance. I think he thought he had his seat in the bag already. He must have, because he proclaimed to everyone that he has spent $250 to install a second phone, or "telly phone" as he pronounced it, in his house exclusively for calls from constituents. Well, there's $250 he'll be wishing he never spent. How about waiting until you get elected, and then installing your telly phone? Maybe you should also master the micro phone.

Now I just feel like a big meany. I know I would probably suck heartily if I tried to run for council. But I figure if I'm putting myself on public display, I'm opening myself up to be roasted if I don't at least prepare a little. So I guess they deserved it. But I never knew a debate could be that entertaining!

Vote Early, Vote Often?

In a comment under my talking voting machine post, I mentioned Scott Gilbert and voting multiple times. I figure I should explain that, since nobody would get the joke unless they lived in Guelph. Plus, I think he's a bit of a fool. So since I can't miss an opportunity to make fun of a fool, off we go.

Scott Gilbert, who ran in the federal election for the communist party, noticed there's a large loophole in at least the municipal election system. Anybody can show up at a polling station, say they're someone and that they live on a street that allows them to vote there, and then vote, without showing any ID or proof of address. Then they can go across town and do the same at another polling station, allowing one person to vote multiple times. *If* they are discovered, it's already too late, the damage has been done, the anonymous ballot has already been cast, and you have no way of tracing it and fixing the count. He thinks anyone who doesn't have ID should only be able to vote once in a central location. This still allows the homeless, people living in women's shelters, and anyone who doesn't have updated ID, to vote and such. It is a well-thought-out solution.

I have to admit, I brought ID and proof of address when I went to vote, since I wasn't properly on the voter's list, and they didn't ask for either. They just took my form with the signature that says yes I am who I say I am. Luckily, for them, that is the truth.

So our young friend decided to call attention to this loophole. By doing what? Voting at five different polling stations. Don't worry, he spoiled four of the ballots. He was caught, and charged with voting more than once, using false information, and doing so in a place where you are not entitled to vote, or whatever the technical names for those offenses would be. They could carry fines of up to $5000.

Ok, I'm glad he's trying to seal a loophole. That's good. If he'd tried everything else, and that was the only way left for him to do it, good on him for wanting to go the extra mile for the public good at his own expense. At least there was a point to his activism, unlike our author of eco-satire from a couple months ago. But here is where he starts becoming a fool. Well, it was actually his girlfriend who made the quote, so maybe she's the fool, but she was speaking to the media for him, so they're probably both fools. She said, and I quote, "He would gladly fight this in court to show that he was not in the wrong. He did it solely for the purpose of exposing this loophole in the legislation."

You're going to fight this? You're actually going to try and get off? Are you stupid? Bone stupid? Even if what you did was to prove a point, your point has been made. Now, you have to suck up the fine because point or not, you broke the law, and not fighting the law is the only way your point will stick.

Yup, I can see the confusion. But let me explain. If he actually convinces a judge that he is not in the wrong, and gets off, that sets a dangerous precedent. Now, anyone who commits any kind of voter fraud can point to the Gilbert case and say, "Well, like him, I was proving a point!" Unless the prosecution can prove that the new fraudster was in fact not proving a point, they may get off too. Now, he's opened up a legal can of worms, and shot his own idea in the foot! If he wants, after the court case is over, he can try and sue the government to get the law changed. But he shouldn't fight the actual fine. That's at least the way I see it. But I'm not a lawyer, what the hell do I know?

My thought is if he wasn't prepared to pay up when he got caught, he shouldn't have gone out on a limb like that. He did enough research using google maps and postal code lookups to get the fraudulent addresses in order to get ballots at four different polling stations. Maybe he should have done some research on the consequences before he marked his multiple x's. I hope he doesn't get off, and really, he should be hoping for the same thing if he has any brains.

Please Press the Thumb Switch.

Now everybody's staring at me, confused. I can explain!

On Monday, we had our municipal election, and for the first time, because of a cool new talking voting machine, I could vote independently.

Voting has always made me a bit nervous because I've always needed some help from the staff at the polling station or, if I was lucky, whoever I could round up to come with me. You see, they thought they had an accessible voting solution that they called a braille ballot. Ya wanna know what it actually was? They would hand me a print ballot and a piece of braille paper with a bunch of round holes. Not so coincidentally, the holes coincided with the number of candidates available to vote for. Then they would have to line the ballot up with the piece of paper with holes and tell me, "If you mark inside the first hole, you're voting for NDP. If you mark in the second hole, you're voting conservative." and on and on it went. Anybody see any problems with this? First, it's easy for the ballot to go out of alignment when they're not looking, and bang! I've spoiled my ballot.

Second, there's room for them to either intentionally or unintentionally screw up the order of the holes. I'm not going to accuse them of trying to get me to vote for the wrong person right off the bat because, let's face it, the number of people who need assistance voting is pretty small, so the chances of changing who wins by tricking them is pretty slim. But there is also the possibility that they would screw up because they have a lot of things to distract them from helping me vote. They always look so busy with books, keeping everything straight, all that good stuff. So they could accidentally tell me that the first hole was conservative when it was NDP or something.

Finally, there's the prick factor. Some of these people don't like doing any extra work, and make it very evident. I'll never forget the 2003 provincial elections. I never felt so much like a third class citizen in my life. I walked in, and they immediately spoke to the girl who was with me. "Will she need help voting?" "Will you be helping her?" This didn't stop when I spoke right to them. It was as if I was speaking a foreign language that noone understood. I felt like someone must feel when they have aphasia. They speak, sound comes out, but they are completely and utterly ignored and it seems to make no sense to anyone.

Then the staff had the nerve to try and tell me that these holes were braille because they had spoken to someone at the school for the blind and they said it was a workable solution. I don't care if you spoke to the head of that school, that *isn't* braille and you're fooling yourself to think it is.

But at long last, I've seen a perfectly workable solution, and audible voting machine! What they do is get you a paper ballot that says audio ballot. Yea, a paper trail! That made me feel better, because the machine can't just have a glitch and gobble up your vote, leaving no trace. Then they give you a set of headphones and a little wand-like thing with a button on the top. These are connected to the machine that will serve up the audio, and also serves as their ballot-scanner. . So yea! The machine serves another purpose, so might be kept around even if lots of people don't use the audio function! Then the machine starts talking in the headset. It explains the whole process, and then gives you a practice session. When you want to vote, you press the little button on the top of the wand with your thumb, so I guess that's why they call it a "thumb switch." At this point, it beeps to tell you that the vote went through. Then, it confirms that that's who you want to vote for, and if it is, you hit the button again, and on it goes. Then at the end, it goes over your choices and confirms everything. If something goes wrong, *flinch*, the whole process will start again.

The only goofy thing it does is it explains everything the first time, does the practice session, and then when it comes to voting, it explains! it! all! again! No wonder it takes about 15 minutes to vote this way! They could probably sheer a good five minutes off by explaining everything once. I mean, you get an explanation *and* a practice voting session! How much explanation do you need? But if that's the way it has to be, I'll take the extra five minutes to have total control over who I'm voting for.

But other than that, that was a completely awesome voting experience! And, even better, I have the contact info for the company who makes these things, so when it comes time for provincial elections, I can give the info to elections Ontario so we can have them again! No more dealing with pricks at the polls! Hopefully not!

Karen Solves her Problems with a Chainsaw!

Ok, it's weird dream time again. I had this weird dream the night before last, but I didn't get a chance to put it up yesterday. Where the hell did this come from?

I dreamed I was down to see Barbie, and I was in her room. Then, she went somewhere and in walked her room-mate Karen. Karen and I were sitting and talking and Karen was telling me she was fascinated with brains. I didn't think much of it, said I went to school for psych and the brain is fascinating. We talked a while longer and then she said, "Wanna see something scary and neat?" I said sure. She left for a second, and came back with a chainsaw! She started it up and came after me with it! Completely dumbfounded, I asked her why she was after me with a chainsaw, shielding myself with tables, chairs, whatever I could. She just said, "You asked to see something scary." I tried to run for the door, but she was there first with the chainsaw. I ran the other way, and huddled under Barbie's desk. She stood over me, slowly cutting through the desk with the blades. It was then that she explained that she wanted my brain. She said she was going to make a copy of it and put it in a robot. She said she would carefully cut through my skull so as not to damage my brain and take it. It seemed there was nowhere to go, the blades were getting closer to my head and there was nothing I could do. Then, I woke up!

What in hell was that? Karen is the last person I'd see wielding a chainsaw. Was that the message? Expect the unexpected? Or was there a message?

Then last night I dreamed Barbie was mad at me for dreaming that. Wow, a sequel to a dream! At least she didn't whip out a chainsaw too.

This Has To Be A Joke...Right?

Woman sues after drinking 5,000 litres of Coke

This is right up near the top of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my whole stupid life list. I think it even beats
this classic from last year.

Say Hello to an Angry Customer!

God! Damn! It! Do they not think I know that fucking rogers fucking home fucking phone exists? Do they not plaster my TV with that spoiled little brat who has to talk to three people at once, that father who spoils that spoiled brat rotten, that grandma who sounds like a man, and whoever else they can dream up and then make you want to kill them as much as the Canadian Tire family? Oh that is not enough for Rogers executives. Now, they have decided that phoning me twice a day to tell me about Rogers Home Phone is absolutely positively necessary. And, they have decided to *fill* my mailbox with their junkmail. My junk mail over the past week has consisted of pizza fliars, Rogers Home Phone ads, municipal election material, Rogers Home Phone ads, random environmental literature, which cracks me up, and, Rogers Home Phone ads!

But this, in fact, is not enough for these fuckers. Now, they have employed, or otherwise commissioned, a dude to walk around our building slipping more Rogers Home Phone ads through our door. But our special friend here cannot grasp the concept that there is a mail slot in the door, so he slipped the ads through the crack in the door closest to the doorknob. Gaaaaaaa! Enough!

Rogers! You can stop this barrage immediately! Is it not enough that I already have cable, internet, and wireless services with you price-gouging, monopolizing, rate-raising sacks of shit? Do you honestly think I'm going to have phone service with you guys too? If there were better options, and the startup fees didn't suck, I'd switch everything I had away from you assholes just to teach you a goddamn lesson!

Thought Avalanch!

This monster of a post has been building for a while, and there's so many different things I want to say that I'm afraid it might get away from me. So try and stay ahead of the thought avalanch if you can! Now that I've said that, whatever I could produce will look like nothing at all.

I got thinking the other day about that old song "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash, and a strange thought entered my head. With the direction names are going, based on the names we have nowadays, that song won't make any sense anymore! Who knows, we could have a bunch of boys named Sue and people would go, "So he was named Sue! What's the big deal?" I mean look at all the unisex names out there now. Don't even get me started on Kyle! This led me to some other strange thoughts. Does anyone remember that Raffi song called Willoughby Wallaby woo where they use a whole bunch of kids' names, so it would go something like willoughby wallaby warin, an elephant sat on Carin, and willoughby wallaby weve, an elephant sat on Steve? Well with the names we're getting into now, it'll never be the same. We'll have to sing things like willoughby wallaby warter, an elephant sat on Carter, and wiloughby wallaby wuri, and elephant sat on Suri. The names people are coming up with for their kids.

I ended up down another path of thinking about things that will lose their meaning as time goes on. For some odd reason, Steve and I got talking about Sesame Street and Hooper's General Store, which got me thinking about how no one will know what a general store is. They'll hear general store and think, "So Hooper had a Walmart?" They won't get that whole idea of community that came with the idea of a general store. Man our world is getting sad.

Speaking of old things getting lost, I have a weird question for anyone who might know the answer. Anyone who knows me personally will know that my dad can be a weird man. He's very smart and he has a memory for quotes and famous sayings and song lyrics like no one else. Note I didn't say he has a good memory. He can only remember small pieces of them, enough to heighten your interest, and then he can't remember the rest and then he just repeats that piece on an infinite loop. Over the years, I've found out the roots to a few of those infinite loops, and have realized that no, dad isn't crazy, he got these gems from somewhere. But there is one loop that still puzzles me. Often times, dad would randomly sing, "And there was grandma, swingin' on the outhouse door, without her nighty, with grandpa yellin' more more more." Where in the good christ is that from? I've punched it into google, and I think there's some reference to it being in a swing song, but that's all I can find. Please, someone, solve this mystery for me. I might have to break down and ask dad before it disappears forever!

Some people should just realize that maybe they're not meant for certain jobs. Like, men who can't say temperature and insist on saying it like "tempature" should realize that announcing is not their thing. Same goes for the guy who says pokerroom.tv like pokeroo.tv. Say the m! Maybe they should go check their addict for ass-pest-tose. Come on people, you are being paid to speak, presumably clearly, and some people are modeling their speech after you!

Maybe it's guys like that that made me go get my hearing tested, where I learned a disturbing fact. Did you know that, when you're an embryo, the same type of cells that make up your kidneys go to form your ears? That's what the audiologist says, so who am I to question? Makes ya wonder what's in your ear wax!

Am I the only one who thought, as a kid, that Buddy Holly had a horrible case of the hickups? I kept thinking, "come on dude, get a glass of water or something!"

Every day I find more and more examples of people with enormous gall. I've already complained about nosey people so I won't go into that. But people are always finding new and exciting ways to show that they have big balls. One lady walked up to me and decided that she was going to walk with me to the drugstore where I was going, which was ok. Then she said to me, "You're so young and pretty, what a waste that you're blind." Um, what? I wish I had had the guts to say to her, "I beg your pardon? What makes me such a waste?" But I just waited for her to disappear. Sometimes I wish I had more guts.

Then another woman, after I held the elevator for her because she had a shopping cart, just flat out asked me, "so are you working?" Come on! Most people, when they find themselves with strangers in an elevator, find it brave to talk about the weather, let alone ask each other what their source of income is. Like, where does she get off, besides the fourth floor? Would she ask anyone else that question out of the blue like that? Again, I wish I'd been quicker on my feet and said, "No, but are you offering?" Ah, so many missed opportunities.

I saw the strangest thing in the grocery store. It really speaks to our laziness. I was walking through the grocery store with one of the girls who works there. When we got to a shelf full of toothpaste and shampoo, she said, "Wait a minute. I don't think this half-drunk milkshake belongs here." Then she took it a couple aisles over and through it in the trash. I asked her if she finds half-finished milkshakes around the store a lot, since she didn't seem too shocked by this occurrence, and she said yes! Ok, the only reasonable scenario I can see for that is if you have kids, you set it down so you can fish something out of the other stuff, then your kids distract you and you accidentally leave it behind. But this shouldn't be happening all the time. Do they think the people who stock shelves should clean up after their lazy asses too? The garbage can wasn't that far away! Just take it there and be done with it!

And with that, I think I'm out of ideas, and I don't know if that avalanch could bury a baby. Hope you enjoyed the ride.

What the Fuck Department, You Have Your Work Cut Out For You!

Um...um...I don't know what to say. *falls off chair onto flor, reaches up and hits paste.*

When Colt Langstaff returned to his home in Cool, California, on Monday, the first thing he noticed was that his garden fence had been knocked down, there was an unfamiliar pickup truck parked on his drive, and his personal belongings were scattered over his lawn.

The second thing he noticed was the naked man wrapped only in a sheet coming out of his backdoor. The naked gentleman asked Langstaff what he was doing there. Langstaff pointed out that it was his home, at which point the naked man ran away.

It was at that point that things began to get really strange.

The Mountain Democrat ('California's oldest newspaper') gives some details from the police report, following the eventual arrest of the naked man, identified as Terence Michael Dean, 37. It is a tribute to what went on that day that the fact its protagonist is called Colt Langstaff and lives in a town called Cool is by far the most boring thing about this story (which we sincerely hope is true).

After the naked sheet guy fled, Langstaff went into his house to discover that all the taps were running, causing a small flood. Why were the taps running? It's unclear, but it was possibly something to do with the many packages of meat that Langstaff found lying in the sink and bath.

It was just after Langstaff noticed the bathroom meat that the police arrived.

Several other features of the crime scene immediately called attention to themselves. The trails of potting soil were one element. The first soil trail led to the front door, where a rudimentary shrine had been created, featuring a statue of the Bhudda on top of a bongo drum. The second trail of soil led to the suspect's truck.

The origin of the soil was quickly traced by the detectives to around 100 houseplants that had been ripped from their pots, and placed near the truck. The truck was also observed to contain a considerable amount of Langstaff's property, notably his toaster, some pictures, and of course a number of empty potting soil bags.

Now, at this point, readers familiar with this type of crime will probably be asking themselves, 'hey, shouldn't there be teddy bears on plant stands as well?' You will be relieved to know that no fewer than three plant stands holding teddy bears were also discovered in the vicinity of the truck.

Inside the house, the lit candles in the living room were perhaps less impressive than the contents of the kitchen – namely some burned matches, a bowl of unpopped popcorn, a bowl of water with Langstaff's car keys in it, and paper note floating in a cup of water that read 'I love Cherry.'

At this point, the sheriff's deputies were told that a naked man had introduced himself to one of Langstaff's neighbours, asking to be taken to a hospital. Upon arriving at the neighbour's residence, they identified a naked man wrapped in a towel and smoking a cigarette as the likely suspect, and arrested him.

Reassuringly, Dean has now been released on $25,000 bail.

*scratches head that they let him out, gets up from floor and hits publish.*

To Make a Long Story Short....You Shouldn't!

I've always hated the fact that finding unabridged audiobooks is like looking for a needle in a haystack. What really pisses me off is they don't always say they're abridged, you pay an arm and a leg for them, and after you're done reading the book, you listen to the credits and the dreaded words are spoken. "abridgement by so and so."

I always wondered what in Christ they were cutting out, but I thought well I must be getting the gist of the story. But one particularly bad abridgement made me realize that I can barely call it even that.

I got the short version of the Da Vinci code for Christmas. I read it and thought, well it's sort of controversial, but it's nothing that should really upset anyone. But I should have known something was wrong when the copy I had was 4 CD's long, and I found out the unabridged version was 13 CD's long. Um, by my calculations, that means the abridged version was a little under a third of the story!

I just got my hands on the unabridged version, and holy crap! There's a lot more there, and the story actually makes sense! The abridged version never explained why Silas was so, well, crazily obsessed with doing God's work, how truly manipulative Leigh Teabing was, it left out a lot of the references to the oppression of women that are in the book, and a ton of the controversial and really deep stuff. It also left out what makes last year's lawsuit completely and utterly ridiculous. Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, authors of "Holy Blood, Holy Grail", claim that Dan Brown stole ideas from their book to make his own novel and never gave them credit. Before I read the unabridged version, I was right behind them. Now that I got the whole story, I've got one problem, assholes. The name of your fucking book is planted squarely in the damn novel! Even the year it is written is also mentioned, and does anyone notice that Leigh and Teabing looks eerily like Leigh and Baigent? It's an annagram, which I think is pretty awesome credit considering that annagrams are written throughout the book. Even the authors noticed that little gem, but failed to see it as,um, credit. Dan Brown never claimed in the novel that this was his idea. He clearly mentions several times that historians have been saying this for years. So these two can shut up and be thankful their book was even mentioned in a novel. it's not often that references are found in fiction. I'm glad the judge agrees with me, although I pity how far he would have had to sift to find that little passage.

What makes me sad is some books, when they are converted to audio don't get made into the abridged and unabridged form. All you get is the short version, and some of these don't even make it into the CNIB library so I can have a crack at getting an unabridged version there. So, unless I want to get the print copy, scan it and hope that I can get an intelligible scan, the quick and dirty abridged audio is all I'll be able to read. Ahem, audiobook publishers, maybe, if you're going to give me a third of the story, you should charge a third of the price! Otherwise, you're ripping me off!

Cool is the homepage of introduce the sounds of farts."

I've spent far too long looking at
this website,
but if you go there, and you should, I'm sure you'll totally understand.

While you're there, be sure to check out
theFart stories,
where you can read such touching anecdotes as The Fart Bottle and Farts and Dogs among others,
and
the Fart techniques,
where you will learn such valuable skills as how to make someone listen to your fart, the best way to fart in a person's face, and of course, "the techniques of continue to fart almost endlessly." Hint: "open your ass."

If you're wondering why all of those quotes look so strange, that's the best part. This site was created by a couple of Japanese people, and it consists of some of the finest broken English I've seen in quite some time.

By the way, if you like what you see here, why not pick up a charm. They ward off evil in Japan, they're only $5, and each one is
"hnad made."
How can you go wrong?

In closing, never forget the 3 secrets of living happy and healthy:
"Eat a lot!
Fart a lot!
Produce a lot!"

I couldn't agree more.

You Are Here?

It seems like I say this every time I start one of these things, but I have to say it again. It's been way too long since we've done this, sorry about that. It's also been way too long since I've done pretty much anything around here, so sorry about that too, unless you hate me of course, in which case I respectfully invite you to go suck a dick. But before you head off in search of a heaping mouthful of wedding tackle, don't forget to take a second to thank Carin for keeping things going around here while I've been downed by the worst cold ever and while Matt's been off sleeping with zoo animals or whatever it is he does now. Great job Carin, I have no idea what we'd do without you.

Anywho, enough of that. We're here to make fun of people who may or may not be our readers, so why waste any more time than we absolutely have to?

14 May, Sun, 19:37:58
MSN Search:
Strap-on Disabled Sex

Am I the only one with a vision in my head of somebody walking down the street with a gyrating backpack full of paraplegics over his shoulders? What's that? I am? Ok then, let's move on, that was getting a little weird anyway.

14 May, Sun, 19:56:25
MSN Search:
does john cena do his own laundry?

I have no idea, but I'd be surprised if with a schedule such as his he would have time to iron his own shirts. That will be funny to exactly 2 people, those people being me and Carin. But if you're going to get upset about inside jokes here, you just haven't been paying attention.

06 Nov, Mon, 18:10:09
Google:
Mickie James sphincter

That shouldn't be too hard to find, since according to
this entry on Wikipedia
she has at least 42 of them, as do the rest of us.

06 Nov, Mon, 20:14:02
Google:
Mickie James sphincter pictures

My guess is they're probably hiding out with those pictures of Randy Orton's penis that everybody keeps looking for.

01 Nov, Wed, 07:43:19
MSN Search:
CAN BAD MILK MAKE YOUR VOMIT

Can bad milk make your vomit what? Appear? Sing? Dance? Produce the complete works of Shakespeare like those typing monkeys from that old saying? Do a body good? I can't possibly answer the question if you don't finish asking it. Sure I know almost everything, but even I have my limits.

17 Jun, Sat, 23:20:28
Yahoo:
ABILITY TO BLOW NOSE IN CHILDREN

If you can catch one, you probably have the ability to do it.

29 Oct, Sun, 01:28:28
Yahoo:
copulating midgets

I think it's great that you used a big word like copulating, since you know how sophisticated those midget porn sites can be sometimes.

07 Jul, Fri, 12:42:23
MSN Search:
are urinals really necessary?

At first I laughed at this, but once I stopped and thought about it a little more I came to realize that it's actually a matter of perspective and that more than likely in some circles it would be considered a serious philosophical question. Then I thought, why not take a poll? Comments have been sort of slow around here lately, and if I've learned anything from this site over the years, it's that 99 times out of 100 it's this sort of thing that gets you people talking.

24 Jun, Sat, 16:09:00
Yahoo:
how labeling students affect their ability to laern

I'm not sure whether it does or it doesn't, but something tells me that the person we're dealing with here is more than likely a really solid argument for one side or the other.

12 Jul, Wed, 14:55:25
Yahoo:
giant black dickheads

I'm thinking that this search is too general for you to find much of anything. Perhaps try narrowing it by using terms such as Mike Tyson or Al Sharpton, that may help.

Ok, that's all there is. I'll be back later with something else I'm sure, but in the meantime, if anybody's looking for me, I'll be off hiding from Mike Tyson.

What's So Wacky About That?

I just read
this article
about some of the so-called "zany" private members' bills that various members of parliament are hoping to have passed into law.

I'll admit that some of them are kind of goofy and out there, like Bill c-321, which would designate the third Friday of every February National Hockey Day, or Bill c-346, which would make it legal to use vitamins as a tax write-off.

But hidden amongst silliness like clasifying dog and cat fur as hazardous material are a couple of proposals that make quite a bit of sense.

For example, why shouldn't we throw people in jail for killing or injuring police animals? We throw people in jail for killing or injuring police men and women all the time, and those animals are just as much members of the force as they are. Besides, the kind of specialized training required in order to use those animals doesn't come cheap, so it only makes sense to make those guilty of taking the life of an officer pay for the crime.

And the idea of fining people $500 for using a cell phone while driving, is that really such a bad thing? That's $500 the first time, a second offence would cost you $2000 or net you up to 6 months in jail.

Personally, I think a law like that one is way past due. A lot of people have trouble driving when they're not using the phone, and I don't care what anybody says, people do get distracted when they use them, I've seen it for myself many times. The only thing that makes this law sound in any way over the top is that we aren't that tough on drunk driving in this country. But maybe that's something else somebody ought to take a look at including in one of those pointless private members' bills sometime soon. The Tom Brodbecks of the world may laugh about it, but it might just help make the world a bit more of a safer place.

It's Official: We're Doomed

NZ students to be allowed to use 'text-speak' in exams

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - New Zealand's high school students will be able to use "text-speak" - the mobile phone text message language beloved of teenagers - in national exams this year, officials said Friday.

Text-speak, a second language for thousands of teens, uses abbreviated words and phrases such as "txt" for "text", "lol" for "laughing out loud" or "lots of love," and "CU" for "see you." The move has already divided students and educators who fear it could damage the English language.

New Zealand's Qualifications Authority said that it still strongly discourages students from using anything other than full English, but that credit will be given if the answer "clearly shows the required understanding," even if it contains text-speak.

The authority's deputy chief executive for qualifications, Bali Haque, said students should aim to make their answers as clear as possible.

Confident that those grading papers would understand answers written in text-speak, Haque stressed that in some exams, including English - where good language use is specifically required - text abbreviations would be penalized.

Post Primary Teachers' Association President Debbie Te Whaiti said the authority's move reflects the classroom situation.

"Individual teachers are grappling with it (texting) every day," she said

Teachers would have concerns if text slang became acceptable in everyday written language in classrooms, she said.

Critics said the National Certificate of Educational Achievement or NCEA, the main qualification for high school students, would be degraded by the authority allowing text speak use in exams.

The minor United Future Party said in a statement: "Untd Futr is cncernd bout da xeptnce of txt spk 2 b allwd in ritn xams 4 NCEA (United Future is concerned about the acceptance of text speak to be allowed in written exams for NCEA)."

"Skoolz r ther 2 educ8 + raze litracy 2 certn standrds (Schools are there to educate and raise literacy to certain standards)," the statement quoted United Future legislator Judy Turner as saying. "NCEA shudnt let da standrd b decidd by informl pop cultr of da time."

High School principal Denis Pyatt said he wouldn't encourage students to use text abbreviations in exams - but he was excited by the language development.

"I think text messaging is one of the most exciting things that has happened in a long time. It is another development in that wonderful thing we call the English language," he said.

Internet blogger Phil Stevens was not amused by the announcement. "nzqa(New Zealand Qualifications Authority): u mst b joking," Stevens wrote. "or r u smoking sumthg?"

This is Providing More Choice?

Where do I begin? There are so many things wrong with this story that it's mind-boggling. A bunch of people have decided that all institutions for people with developmental disabilities must go. They claim it's so people can have a choice of where to live, and they will be better off if integrated into the community.

Ok, I agree that, if a person can live out in the community, that's a hell of a lot better for them than putting them in a place that will do everything for them. If someone isn't helpless already, they will become that way if left in an institution where everything is done for them. But there are some people who just can't do it in the community. They just can't, and trying to integrate them would be ridiculous.

There was a girl in our school who was deaf and blind, had her brain pretty smacked up in a car accident when she was a baby so was pretty low-functioning developmentally, her level of communication consisted of the signs "more", "toilet", "eat", and "drink." To go to the toilet, get more of whatever she wanted, eat, or drink, someone else had to go get it or bring her to it. Otherwise, she would just sit there. Because she didn't walk around much, she needed daily physiotherapy. Audibly, all she could do was go, "oo oo, ee ee." Another one couldn't move at all, and couldn't express himself in any way. They even tried putting something behind his head so that if he pushed it to the left with his head, it would say yes, the right would say no. He couldn't even do that. Another girl, after a massive car accident, was so badly brain-damaged that her workers had to remind her to swallow! Are they going to integrate in the community? No, I don't think so. They're going to live with mom and dad, or they're going to be in some kind of institution or home where they can be cared for. That is the fucking reality!

I am sick of one group telling everyone else that, because this way of living worked for them, it should be forced on everyone, and then doing it in the name of giving them more choice. It's like when the National Federation of the Blind decided that audible street-crossing signals, those things that chirp or cuckoo when it's safe to cross, should be scrapped, and yelled whenever cities tried to put them in. Ya know, sometimes those audibles come in handy. I'd like to take those NFB bastards to downtown Guelph to St. George's square and make them cross the street without the help of the audible there. Guess what? When it's your time to go, there is 0 traffic flow. No clues. Or better yet, I'd like to see them cross at one of the crossings in the middle of a block without the audible. Sometimes, they help, and if you don't want to use them, that's fine, but someone else may use them all the time and it may make things better for them. Everybody does things in different ways. That's what makes the world work. And how, logically, is taking away an option for someone giving them more choice? It's just forcing them to make the same choice these other people made.

I am also sick of these groups making sweeping generalizations without taking into account how this will effect the families of the people they're booting out of institutions. If these people all have to live with mom and dad, what happens when mom and dad get too old to take care of them, or they can't afford the home care. Are these do-gooders going to come over and take over where mom and dad left off, changing diapers, spoonfeeding them dinner, and providing their physio? Let's face it, some people may need that sort of thing.

Or what if, after a family has been taking care of someone who needs that level of care day in and day out with little respite, they just snap? How is that good for the well-being of the person being cared for? It's not their fault that taking care of them is hard. But they will for sure pay for it.

And how far do we go with this "all institutions are bad" thing? Nursing homes are institutions. They're there because some people reach a point where they just can't stay in their home safely anymore. Should we close all of those too? Is it better to throw all these people out in the community to be cared for by who knows who?

And can these advocates stop saying "institutions for people with disabilities" when they mean institutions for people with intellectual disabillities? They make it sound like any adult with a disability is being shipped off to an institution *because* they have any disability. I get visions of that scene from the movie the Miracle Worker where a young Annie Sullivan is being taken to an institution because she was blind in one eye. Nope, if someone is in an institution today, there is likely a reason they are there. Sometimes there are mistakes, but that's going to happen in any situation. Closing the institutions is not going to stop people from being put in places where they have no need to be.

And what about the people who may go to these places to get the help they need, and then go out into the community? Are these heros and saviours who want every facility closed going to pick up the slack? Then they'd better get busy.

Ug. There's just so many problems. People need to realize that there is no universal solution to anything, no matter what it is. Everybody needs a different level of help. Why not leave the institutions open for the people who need them, have community supports available, and let people who can fend for themselves live their lives? How hard a concept would that be?

Snopes.com is the Best!

Man, I learn something new every day. Somebody was freaking out about the old scam where people used to phone businesses and get them to dial some numbers, and because of that, the person asking the business to dial numbers would get access to their long distance. So I went to get the status of that story from snopes.com. I found something cool. They have a section where they put the top 25 legends, based on media coverage and searches, in a list. I went there to see if I'd seen them all, since I've seen a fair share of hoaxes since I got email. Surprisingly, there were a bunch I hadn't seen before, but there was one particularly disturbing one. Some idiot has written up an email claiming that if you are being robbed and made to withdraw money from your bank account at a bank machine, if you enter your PIN number backwards, it will still give you the money, but send a silent alarm to the police. They claim it's everywhere and it can mean the difference between life and death.

How about nope.

Apparently, in Kansas, this system does exist, but it's not widely known how many machines do it. Everywhere else, that does not work.

I don't understand why people write hoaxes like this. I know people write other hoaxes just to see how far they can spread. Some people think they're writing facts, but it turns out they are just misinformed. But this one could potentially cause harm to someone, and it's likely the author knows it!. Someone getting held up could try this one time, no police would arrive and that could be the end of them. Why are there so many pricks in the world?

I hope snopes.com never shuts down, they do such good research and save me a lot of trouble!

Don't ask the Question if You Don't Want the Answer!

I love it when people ask you a question because they have to, and then seem completely upset that you actually want to give them a response. I had to call the lovely people over at OSAP, that is the Ontario Student Loan centre. Every time I call, I first get the automated system. It asks me if I want English or French. I say English. This is also something small that I always wondered. There are two voices you hear on the phone. The very english guy and the heavily-accented French woman whose English is fine, but she has an obvious French accent. The English guy says his piece and is gone, but the accented woman's voice stays around, even when you say you want service in English. Why not get the very English guy to do the, um, English prompts and let the French woman do the French prompts? Anyway, that's beside the point.

I say I want English and the guy comes on with a message that apparently is the answer to the most common question at the time. Then I press 0, meaning, give me a human. But oh no, the automated thing asks me for my Social Insurance Number and password. I give it and press 0 again and finally get a human. At the end of her conversation with me, she says, "Do you have any questions about the automated system?" I say, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. How come, when I press 0, it still demands my Social Insurance number and password, even though when I get to you, you're going to just ask for it again? Why won't it just put me through to you guys?" The response is a slow, hesitant chuckle and an ok. What? You were hoping I'd have no question? Or you're sick of that question? Maybe if you're hearing it a lot, there's a reason, and the system should be tweaked. I think we've reached a sad day when companies actually advertise the fact that you can sideline their automated system and get a human. That was the way it used to be, and that's the way it should be! Some automation is great, but a machine can't do it all!

Something to Ponder

Let me take you back to May of 2005. Peter MacKay has just broken up with Belinda Stronach. He says. "I think I'll go home and walk my dog. At least dogs are loyal."

Now, let's speed forward to 2006 when he calls Belinda Stronach a dog. Maybe...maybe he's paying her a complement? Or maybe he doesn't think dogs are loyal anymore. What are we to think?

Only in Canada!

Only inCanada would kids be able to walk up to 24 Sussex Drive and Stornoway, knock on the door, yell "trick or treat!" and receive candy from the Prime Minister and head of the opposition. Seriously, it was on the news last night. Holy wow. That's just funny. Did they always do that? I used to live near Ottawa and never heard about that on the radio or TV or anything. That's just cute.

Big Doctor is Watching You.

I feel like this theme is getting stale, but this one just baffles me. The story is this. the health commissioner of New York City has decided that Diabetes is an epidemic, and should be treated like infectious diseases. If someone has an infectious disease, health officials know about it, so the threat to others is assessed and we don't have rampant outbreaks of stuff. Now they want to apply this to Diabetes. So, if you have Diabetes, when your doctor tests your sugar levels, they are sent to a city's database and if they get too high, someone from the city's health department can come knocking and tell you to do better. The way it is worded is, "The patient is prodded to do better." They say this is because there is a massive spread of diabetes in the poor and obese, and this can lead to many other health problems like blindness, amputations, kidney failure, bla bla bla, and this is where my head begins to spin.

First off, if the poor are the problem, how many of those have health insurance plans to pay for doctor's visits to test their blood sugar? Second, I hate to sound like a selfish prick, but what is really motivating them to bother doing this? People are going to have to pay for their own health care anyway, so it's not like this whole thing is going to prevent unnecessary burdens on a universal health care system because, um, there isn't one. Plus, I'm sure it's costing them something to do this, so why are they laying out this dough? Third, if the person already knows their blood sugar is high, what in christ is some random nosey bastard from the city going to do to stop it? Fourth, this is just way too creepy to me and doesn't make any sense. Maybe I'm too synical, but it seems like what they're telling us isn't the whole truth and something else is at play here.