Slime Kettle? Meet Slime Pot. Who's blacker?

Man, some things just crack me up. Take our friendly neighbourhood hardware store owner Richer Lapointe from near Montreal who thought he'd get himself some glory by apparently uncovering that Carla Homolka has breached some of her release conditions. Ok, first off, he tried to seem noble by writing not 1, not 2, but 22 letters to her lawyer to get her in his store! Hmmm doesn't that seem a little too determined to just be your average good samaritan? Then, promptly after he gets her in his store, he starts taping her by putting a recording device at the bottom of an empty can of paint. Ok, where did he get that device, and where can I get one? It sounds better than the ones that are planted right in front of people to tape them. Then after he gets this so-called damning evidence, he takes it straight to the media, while saying he's concerned for people's safety, etc. Ok, if you're so concerned, why don't you take it to, um, ya know, police? People who can actually do something? I think our friend just wanted a little money. The best is apparently he wouldn't release certain excerpts to CTV news because he says they're too damning for her. For her? I'd bet money they incriminate our one and only hardware hero.

And it gets better. Our hero doesn't exactly have a clean nose himself. He's up on charges of his own for burglary, and, brace yourself, sexual assault. You're worried about the safety of others? How about keeping yourself in check first?

And now he wants to live in St. Catharines to be closer to the victims' families. And what about what they want? Or maybe he's just trying to run away from his own problems. In any case, I don't think our handyman is going to bring his help closer to their home anytime soon. I guess the courts have said he's not leaving the province.

But what I love is how this guy tried to make himself look like an angel and it completely backfired. Word to the wise, if you want to out somebody, you better make sure you're squeaky clean.

Thou shalt Remember You're on Tape.

Man, how stupid does Pat Robertson think people are? He's that televangelist who has been known for saying all kinds of weird things like feminism will cause women to kill their own babies and government buildings should be blown up with a nuclear device. After he sat up there on his TV show talking about how Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela should be assassinated, he tried to say he didn't. He tried to say he meant something else by "take him out," like kidnapping. But try denying this.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he
thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to
go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Hmm, try squiggling out of that one. Done squiggling? Try squiggling out of video footage. Go here, and then click on take him out...and tell me if my ears are deceiving me.

WhatI think is the funniest is that he tried to say he never said assassinate. Then after two days of criticism, he said he was sorry. Maybe the old age has set in and he's forgotten he's on TV. Oh well, I don't think it really matters, most people have already realized he's a total nut bar and his audience is getting smaller and smaller. At least one can hope that's the conclusion people are reaching.

Spread Your Tiny Wings and Fall Apart.

Well I guess this should be expected, knowing how much our military sucks. Yesterday, just while warming up for a show, one of the Snowbirds, ya know, one of the planes supposed to be able to do really cool flips in the air and show off, crashed. While warming up! Isn't that a fine statement? That conjures up images for me of a runner doing stretches and breaking a leg. At least in the last accident, the things were actually in the middle of a flight. But then again, somebody was killed in the last accident. Thankfully everybody came out ok in this one.

Apparently, like everything else in the military, they're in need of repair. But things aren't looking good. I actually saw a guy on the news who said they're going to run out of spare parts soon. Doesn't that inspire confidence? And the government doesn't want to replace the planes for another 15 years. Although I don't mind them not splurging on the planes, maybe we don't need our pride repeatedly wounded by more crashes right now, especially since they're supposed to be a symbol of what we *can* do. Maybe they should just give it a little rest.

As a funny aside, the google ads on the page I linked to cracked me up. Nothing like ads to eliminate your fear of flying on a page about a plane crash.

Total Bummer!

I got my Rogers bill today, and in it it said I could get a free gift for each of the services I have with them. So I got all excited and went to see what they're giving away, and it looks like I can't use any of the stuff they're giving out.

For cable, they're trying to get people hooked on digital cable. NO thanks. The box is too damn complicated and there's too much of a chance for them to change the packages and make the price go up. For internet people, they can get 30 pictures printed for free. Well I can't really do that. And for the cell phone users, they offered a free polyphonic ringtone or a free graphic. Well my phone can't do ringtones, and the graphic isn't gonna work, coach. What the hell is that? A big rich company offers me stuff for free, and I can't use any of it!

In My Day...

What is happening to me? Am I aging too fast? I feel like a grandmother because of what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Holy crap how lazy are we getting? I see commercials for egg yolks already pre-cracked and in a carton. Eeewww. how hard is it to go tap tap tap, break? The idea of pre-broken eggs just grosses me out.

Then I saw one for this thing you put into your wash that keeps colours from running, so you don't have to sort your laundry. The only practical purpose I can see for that is if you're in an apartment with coin-operated laundry machines and you're too cheap to sort your laundry into separate loads, or maybe if you're blind and have no idea which clothes are brightly-coloured, but in that case, you have bigger problems to worry about because you could be wearing an orange shirt when you think it's blue. The rest is purely laziness. "Now I don't have to sort my laundry. This thing will keep my clothes ok." I'm waiting for the first lawsuit when it fails.

And then there are these weird self-heating coffee cans. You break something and then these chemicals heat up your coffee on their own. That's too weird. What is in them? How hard would it be to just, um, make your coffee?

I think I'm done now. All I have to say is at this rate, the future freaks me out.

You Said it was Ok, I Should Have Known It Wasn't.

Ok, since the creative juices seem to be flowing, why don't I get an idea down that's been bugging me for a while? Why do people have to play such games, especially when they start dating? Girls seem to love this, so much so that sometimes I'm ashamed to be one.

First there's the waiting game. I hear other girls saying they want equality, but then they still wait for the guy to ask them out. You have a mouth, use it! If he's scared off by a few words, then he's not worth it.

Then there's the calling game. "No, I won't call him, I want to see if he really wants me." Piss off. What if he decided to play the same game? Wouldn't that be a lovely pickle you've got yourselves into? Each of you waiting for the other, then each of you pissed at the other for not calling, then giving up on something that could have been good if one of you had stopped playing the chess game of dating, forgotten strategy and just made a fucking move? It would make a whole lot more sense, and then you'd at least know where each other stands.

If you manage to get past the asking and the calling, there's the opposites game. First of all, what the hell's with playing hard to get? The way I see it, playing hard to get only works with creeps who don't really give two shits what you think and will push for their way anyway, people who can't read people's signals, and people who think they're God's gift to the opposite sex and will chase you like Peppy Le pew. Do you really want to date one of those anyway? The ones you really want will get your signal and promptly go away.

And here comes the fun, when they say the opposite of what they really mean. "Na, I don't mind if we stay out late." "Yeah, let's go home." When they really mean, "I can't stand this place and your friends" and "I'd like to stay longer." Say what you god damn mean! Don't leave the guy to guess. Then there's the "I'm fine" game. She says she's fine, but her body language is saying "I'm going to rip your face off soon." Even when the poor guy asks what's wrong, she still says there's nothing. And then the complaining about the guy being insensitive starts. Well what do you think? You've taught him not to care because you won't tell him what the hell you're thinking.

And if the two manage to talk in backwards speak and read each other's reverse signals and stay together, one of them thinks they can change the other one with work. My question to them is, why are you bothering to date him/her if you don't like what you see? It's one thing to mention a couple things, or reach compromises if you're living with them. But when you're trying to "shape" them into what you want, to the point that you're making them change who they are, nagging at them constantly, maybe you should rethink the relationship. What do you think that nagging crap does to the other guy? Do you really think it's actually helping them?

And those are the big ones that make my head spin. Then again, I'm single, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't understand.

Phew! That scared me!

I was walking home tonight from swimming, and it was getting a little late. I hate walking home in the dark. It creeps me out, and don't start with the, "But you're always in the dark" shit. You know what I mean. I just have this way too overactive imagination. it picks that time of night to dredge up all the old crime scenarios I've ever heard of and fling them at me in rapid succession. Then I hear theme songs from crime shows, clips from the spookiest urban legends you've ever been told, and everything else dark and freaky you can imagine. To add to the fun, sometimes I imagine I can hear footsteps following me, and then I realize it's a leaf stuck to my foot. No really, I'm not paranoid.

But tonight I got a good scare. I got to my entrance...and opened it to find flashing lights! It looked like lightning striking in the inside of the little lobby thingy before my actual apartment. I guess the florescent light that is always on has decided it's time to die...but why did that have to happen at night? Holy Jesus Murphy that scared me. And now that you're all thoroughly bored, I'll go away.

Maybe We should Do That Here

Turkmen President Bans Lip Synching

ASHGABAT, Turkmenistan - He has outlawed opera and ballet and railed against long hair and gold teeth, but now the authoritarian president of Turkmenistan is determined to wipe out another perceived scourge: lip synching.

President Saparmurat Niyazov has ordered a ban on lip synching performances across the tightly controlled Central Asian nation, citing "a negative effect on the development of singing and musical art," the president's office said Tuesday.

"Unfortunately, one can see on television old voiceless singers lip-synching their old songs," Niyazov told a Cabinet meeting in comments broadcast on state TV on Tuesday. "Don't kill talents by using lip synching... Create our new culture."

Under Niyazov's order, lip synching is now prohibited at all cultural events, concerts, on television — and at private celebrations such as weddings.

Niyazov has led the former Soviet republic for 20 years, creating a personality cult around himself and issuing decrees regulating behavior in all aspects of life.

In 2001, Niyazov banned opera and ballet as not corresponding with the national mentality. Last year, he called for young people not to get gold tooth caps and urged authorities to crack down on young men wearing beards or long hair.

Freedom? Normality? What's that?

I saw something on the news that scared me. Apparently, because of a few numbnutses who like to make Crystal Meth, and it can be made by using ingredients in common cold remedies, they want to restrict common cold remedies. What kind of stupid solution is that? Where does it stop? Next, are we going to ban common cleaning supplies because they can be used to make bombs? Cell phones because they can have explosives to put in them? And oh, we can't fly planes because they've been hijacked! Anything and everything can be used for bad purposes if someone thinks hard enough. The solution is not to ban the thing, because the people with the methlabs will just find another thing to use. How about solving the problem instead of wrecking everything for everyone else? The only people who suffer in this are the people who just have a bad cold and need some medicine.

Keep It Simple, Stupid!

Why is it these days that people have to make something more complicated than it needs to be? Why can't something just be what it is? Why does there have to be an excuse? A disorder? Something to explain it all away?

Here's an example. I met this guy who was...a total asshole! He had no respect for his girlfriend, he was in the military and liked to throw his military weight around, to solve problems, he liked to fight, and he often got barred from places because of this crap. When I described him to another friend, she said, "He must have some self-esteem problems, or he mustn't be wel." Ok, maybe he isn't, but until I see some sign of that from him, the answer is simple! he's a dick! End of story! Can't some people just be assholes? We know the world is full of jerks, must their behaviour be explained away? Don't people have to take responsibility for their own actions anymore? No no no, it's someone else's fault, always. I should know that already judghing by the piles of stupid lawsuits out there.

Another thing I heard was some stupidity when that thing happened with that lady they called the runaway bride. Some people were trying to say she did all of that because she had hyperthyroidism. Whatever. Sure a condition can make you do things a little out of wack from the normal you, but the mind in that body has to come up with the idea to run away and lie about getting kidnapped and all of that. That didn't all just fly out of her overactive thyroid.

The way I see it, people have to earn my understanding to some degree, and if they earn something else before they get that, it's even harder to sympathize with them. And I'm not going to assume immediately that they're sick and that's why they're doing whatever they're doing to be a total moron/asshole/idiot/knob. I mean, if I know a person and they're not usually a dick, then it's perfectly normal to assume something's wrong and show concern. But if I meet them on the street and they go above and beyond the call of duty to show me they're a jerk, then forget it. I'm all for the benefit of the doubt, but some people take that way too far.

This saddens Me.

I got a message from the company, Computer Associates, that makes the antivirus program, ETrust EZ Antivirus, I used to use before I got my new computer, which was pre-loaded with Norton. Otherwise, I would have still used it today. But this message I received made me think twice about this company. it's like they have sunk to the lowest of the low.

I quote:

New Computer Worm Damages PCs Worldwide
  
Dear Insert my name here,

Without eTrust EZ Antivirus you are vulnerable to this worm! Purchase your eTrust subscription now to stay safe.

Security experts are warning that Tpbot.A the latest strain of the recently released Zotob.B worm is shutting down computers and is affecting hundreds of
major companies around the world.

Unfortunately, our records indicate that you have not yet purchased eTrust EZ Antivirus. PURCHASE NOW before it is too late. Tpbot.A is a clear and present
danger - don't risk everything on your hard drive: photos, MP3s, archived e-mails, saved files and more...

Tpbot.A could be in your inbox by the time you go to sleep tonight. Get a good night's rest. Purchase eTrust EZ Antivirus today for just $29.95.

Sincerely,
The eTrust™ Security Team

Unquote

Ok, isn't that poorly-written message, um, a little like fear-mongering? If I didn't know better, I'd think it was one of those circulating hoaxes that tell of certain doom because of a given virus that was found by Microsoft. Computer Associates is supposed to be a reputable company. Why are they acting like the filthiest of rogue anti-spyware software? The ones that say, "You're infected, you need us now." Please, guys, leave scare tactics to those who actually need to use them to survive, er, bottom-feed. Let your name stand for itself. If I haven't renewed your product, I'm a big girl, I can handle the consequences.

Attention All Stalkers!

Ok, there are certain people out there who really need to learn some things.

Thing no. 1. When you haven't talked to someone all day, and finally you catch up with them, asking extremely prying questions about where they've been every minute of the afternoon won't make them want to talk to you. It's one thing to ask how the person's day was, or ask what they've been up to. But asking where they were at 1:00, 2:00 and 3:00, unless you're a member of the police conducting a murder investigation, will likely provoke the person to ask you to piss off. it will also vault you from the realm of nice friend to creepy stalker. Unless that's what you're aspiring to be, stop it now!

Thing no. 2. Every time a friend says, "My friend did that." You do not need to demand their name and how this person met their friend. You do not know everyone your friend knows, nor do you need to. Get your nose out of their business. It's one thing if you think you might know the person, but asking about every god damn friend they mention, and then acting insulted that you had never heard of this person before makes you look a little too interested in the details of your friends' personal lives.

Thing no. 3. When someone isn't home, and you don't have an urgent need to get a hold of them, calling their cell phone to track them down isn't a good idea, especially when you're really not that close a friend. They likely have voice mail, leave a message and move on. It's one thing if you're trying to track them down because they're supposed to meet you. But when it is 4 in the morning, and they don't pick up their phone, immediately calling their cell phone will not make them be impressed. it will only impress upon them that you are creepy.

That is all, now if only a few people would learn those lessons well, the world would be a better place.

Oh the Irony!

I got to thinking about a few things that struck me as ironic. I was watching TV and some commercial came on for a medication designed to treat overactive bladder. I guess some people are always having to pee. Anyway, after having its praises sung, especially the fact that you didn't have to get up to pee during the night so much, the voice started to speed up. It's time for the side-effects, drawbacks, and everything else they don't want to tell you but they'll have their balls sued off if they don't mention them. One of the side-effects was, get ready for it, diarrhea. I can just hear it now. "instead of having to get up in the night to go no. 1, you can rush to do no. 2. That's so much better!"

I heard another drug commercial, why I notice them all I don't know. Maybe it's because they're so damn obnoxious. This one was for some kind of pill that stops heartburn and heals the esophagus. And one of its biggest side-effects? Abdominal pain. So I guess you're stuck with the pain no matter what. You just have to hope that this is the good pain.

And here's a kicker of an irony. Picture a yoga instructor. What things come to mind? Relaxed? confident? accepting of their own limits? Virtually stress-free, or at least extremely able to deal with stress? Suffering from crazy anxiety? Woe, where did that one come from? Well apparently my yoga instructor had a whole lot of anxiety, so bad that she couldn't stand up in front of people, much less turn herself into a pretzle. You just look at that and wonder. If that's possible, maybe I'll drive a car. On second thought, maybe not.

And that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll think of more stuff later.

I Heart Dictators

I just came across this
blog
full of love poems written to some of the world's most well known dictators. It cracked me up, so I'm linking it.

Here's an example of what you'll find there. It brought a tear to my eye, and it wasn't even about me.

I Heart You
In Turkmenistan there is a man
free speech he might ban
but I have fallen hard
and want to send a card
filled with my love
that must have come from above
In the "Rukhnama" his book
my love took root
with statues to yourself all over the place
I think you won the cult of personality race
how much I love you could never compare
to how much I want to live in your lair
Please Saparmurat Niyazov
Buy me a shot of smirnoff!

What's In A Name?

If you were Michael Jackson, and you were constantly having to deal with claims that you have been molesting young boys for years, would you really think it was a good idea to hire a lawyer named
Charles F. Gay Jr.
to defend you? I know I wouldn't. Sure, maybe he's the best lawyer out there, but if I were Ted Bundy, you wouldn't catch me using the services of Franklin M. Coldbloodedmurderer either. To me it's the same thing. I mean if I have to go to jail so be it, but I don't need my defence attorney subliminally helping things along.

Football, 1984, And Other Things That Have Nothing In Common

Happy Wednesday to all. Wow, what a beautiful day it is outside today. Actually, what a beautiful week this has been. Possibly the nicest week we've had all Summer when I stop and think about it. Not too hot, not too humid, sunny, clear, breezy, it's just about as perfect as weather can get. If we could live like this all year round and lose the fucking snow I'd be a happy guy...at least most of the time. Maybe I should rephrase that before anybody gets the wrong idea. I'm honestly one of the happiest people I know, it's just that sometimes it doesn't come across in the things I write. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here justifying myself to a bunch of invisible people, I'm such a retard. But getting back to my point, if you're reading this from someplace where the weather is identical or similar to the stuff I'm describing, be sure to get out and enjoy it as much as you can. I've been doing my best to do that, because I know that in a few short months it'll be gone and we'll be ass deep in snow and everything will be freezing. Ug, I hate Winter. Christmas, my Birthday, all that cool stuff, it's all balanced out by Winter and the complete and total suckiness that it brings with it. Wow, what a downer this paragraph turned out to be. Let's try another one and hope it goes a little better.

I read something on
Boing Boing
today that amused me. It seems that a group calling itself
The Ministry of Reshelving
has started a campaign to put copies of George Orwell's book 1984 into more appropriate sections of bookstores. They're even encouraging people to get involved and help out the cause. If it sounds like something you can see yourself getting involved in, here's what you need to do, taken straight from the Ministry's rule set:

1. Select a local bookstore to carry out your reshelving activities.

2. Download and print "This book has been relocated by the Ministry of Reshelving bookmarks and "All copies of 1984 have been relocated" notecards to take with you to the bookstore. Or make your own. We recommend bringing a notecard and 5-10 bookmarks to each store.

3. Go to the bookstore and locate its copies of George Orwell's 1984. Unless the Ministry of Reshelving has already visited this bookstore, it is probably currently incorrectly classified as "Fiction" or "Literature."

4. Discreetly move all copies of 1984 to a more suitable section, such as "Current Events", "Politics", "History", "True Crime", or "New Non-Fiction."

5. Insert a Ministry of Reshelving bookmark into each copy of any book you have moved. Leave a notecard in the empty space the books once occupied.

6. If you spot other incorrectly classified books, feel free to relocate them.

7. Please report all reshelving efforts to the Ministry. Email your store name, location, # of 1984 copies reshelved, and any other reshelving activities conducted, to reshelving @ avantgame.com. Photos of your mission can be uploaded to Flickr, tagged as "reshelving", and submitted to the Ministry of Reshelving group.

You know, that sounds like fun.

Speaking of fun, if you don't generally stay home on Saturday nights to watch CFL football games on CBC, you might want to consider it this week. As you're probably aware, the CBC is in the middle of a huge lockout, the result of which is that pretty much anybody who has anything to do with the execution of the network's programming is off the job right now. Everybody from newscasters to camera people are unable to work, which leaves management in charge of running the show. for the most part they've taken the easy way out, using the BBC's news instead of their own and showing documentaries and the like in place of new programming. But not everything is going to be that simple, and that's where football comes in.

CBC's management promised when the lockout began that their CFL coverage would not be disrupted and that no matter what they had to do, Saturday's game would be presented in a professional manner. To put it simply, CBC was all like "we'll just show the game without play by play and we'll do the best we can to make sure that the camera work doesn't suck too much." But then the CFL was all like "nuh-uh. No commentary, no game." So what we're left with now are office workers pretending to be cameramen while other office workers pretend that they belong behind a microphone for any reason. I imagine that it could quite possibly look more than a little bit like
this,
which I'm honestly sort of hoping it does.

Well, this post is getting long and I'm getting hungry, so that's all for now. So until we meet again, enjoy yourselves and never forget that Dr. Phil is a total douchebag. Thank you and good day.

What is that?

I was talking on the phone the other day, when outside my window, I heard a car alarm, ya know, one of those ones that beeps the horn of the car? But the funny part was the horn was the furthest thing from threatening. It sounded like the horns on those little cars that would probably crumple in like a pop can in an accident. My thought was, why bother even putting a car alarm on those cars? If you're stuck driving one of those, you probably wouldn't cry too hard if it was stolen. It sounded so stupid. It was like the car was pleading not to be stolen, or sort of clearing its throat and saying, "Ahem, over here, someone's trying to steal me. Someone help. Please? Maybe?" At that point, why even bother. What would be funny would be if one of those cars actually had a menacing horn like on a transport.

Hearing that pathetic little car alarm made me think about something else. I've ridden a few buses where the driver has had to honk at someone for some reason. And in every case, the horn was so high-pitched. Loud, but squeaky. It just doesn't sound right coming out of a huge bus. It would be like a 6-foot dude talking with a baby voice.

And then there are those little wee cell phones that have the big sound coming out of them when they play their fancy ringtones. I heard one that sounded like it should come out of something huge. But the cell phone was in someone's pocket. Some cell phones even sound like an old rotary phone. I have one question. Why? Why can't things just be as they seem? And why do little wimp cars need car alarms?

It's a Fridge? A TV? A Computer? What is it?

Why is it that we need to combine everything we use into one piece of equipment? We have cell phones with cameras on them that also play mp3's and can listen to the radio and those weird watches with TV's on them, and now it's getting worse. Are we really that lazy that we can't walk between two appliances to get things done? I mean I can see something that plays CD's and DVD's. That combo makes sense. A clock-radio is a good idea because you might use the radio to wake you up. Makes sense. I can even understand, although it's inefficient as hell, building messaging into a cell phone. It's still communication, even though I think it would be faster and simpler to just call the dude. But I just heard about the most ridiculous combo. Someone won a fridge with a TV screen on the door. Ok, who sits and stares at their fridge door all the time? And the sad part is they're afraid to tinker with the TV part because they don't want to break the fridge. Why can't a fridge be just a fridge? You open it, you get the milk out, you close it, end of story.

Some other geniuses decided that building a computer into a fridge door would be a great plan. That way, you can order your groceries online right there at the fridge door and have them delivered. Ok, why is the fridge talking to the internet? Is it going to need a firewall and antivirus protection now? It's a fridge! Why couldn't you just write the list down and, ya know, go to the store? Leave your house once in a while? And we wonder why people are getting fatter.

A Few Tips

I was walking down the street the other day, and something happened that made me think of all the things that people do that just make my head spin. I got off a bus and was trying to make my way to the corner. Somehow, I got a little off course and was heading towards this weird funky shopping mall down there. I'm trying to figure out where the cross-walk thingy is, and I hit a pole with my cane, and when I say hit, I mean gently tap. I reach out to look at it, to see if it's a light pole or a parking meter or what. Suddenly, this guy runs to me as if I'm about to set off a bomb. "Ma'am! "Ma'am! What are you looking for? What are you looking for?"

Ok, I appreciate the help, but do you have to make me feel like I'm a god damn mental case? Do you have to make me feel as if I'm as stupid as that post I just tapped? So I got lost. Doesn't everybody from time to time? I told him where I was trying to go. And he said, "Ok, follow me. You were heading towards the mall, ma'am!" But it was the way he said it. It was as if he'd just talked me out of jumping off a bridge. You know what I mean? I get visions of those police dramas like Third Watch or some such thing just the way he spoke. I appreciate his help, but he is not the hero of the day and the city isn't going to give him a medal. Don't make it out like that. It's like those people who, after they help me find a door, say, "What would you have ever done if I didn't come along?" No offense, but I would have asked the next person, or miracle of miracles, I would have found it myself! I appreciate the help. I just don't know why people have to turn a good deed into an act of heroism and bravery.

Another thing people like to do is, when you're in the middle of the street, they like to yell your name. Thinking there's a reason they're doing that, like there's a big hole I'm about to step in if I keep going, or someone is running a red, stop a second, I look back. Nope. They just want to talk. How about waiting until I'm on the sidewalk before you do that...I'm trying to concentrate! I guess they don't know that I'm trying to pay attention to what I'm hearing to make sure I don't become road pizza. But holy crap it's annoying. And on a sidenote, why do people feel the need to yell all the time when they first meet me? Hello, I'm blind, not deaf, no need to yell.

Or, when they know that you're about to cross a street, they decide to tell you a long involved story about Uncle Bill and Aunt Olga. How about tell me when I'm on the other side?

And the last one that bugs me is the people who feel the need to punch you on the shoulder every time they have something to say. They're sitting beside you on the bus, and it's *punch* "What anice day today." *punch* "Where did you say you're going again?" Wouldn't it be more efficient to just ask me my name if you really want to be sure I know you're talking to me? Would you talk to your friends that way?

I should say that lots of people I see are cool and don't drive me nuts. But I seem to have this way of attracting the weirdos a lot lately. Then again, I always seem to attract the bizarre, what else is new?

Live From Arkansas, It's...An Idiot Going To Jail!

Attempting to rob somebody isn't a great idea at the best of times, but when the person you're attempting to rob happens to be a television host who is live on the air, it's even worse.

Believe it or not, that's
exactly what happened
in the town of Fort Smith, Arkansas last week.

At first, Gary Spirito thought that it had to be some sort of a prank, but it wasn't long before the cable access auction show host changed his mind.

"There's a guy robbing us, somebody call the police, he came in with a gun. Somebody call police, there's a guy in here trying to rob us," said Spirito after a man entered the studio and demanded that he hand over his car keys.

Spirito then described what happened next:

"I looked up at him and said, 'We're doing a live show here and there's probably hundreds of people out there right now calling the police to come
down on this building, just so you know,'" he told the man as cameras continued to capture the scene.

The suspect eventually left the studio empty-handed, but not before several of the show's viewers called police, most likely with pretty good descriptions of him. Not surprisingly, police caught up with the man and an accomplice soon afterwards.

They say that the 2 are also the prime suspects in another robbery that took place about an hour before the incident at the television station, and that the 2 men will each be charged with aggravated robbery and will both be facing probation violations.

Mr. Retarded Wizard

I've always been a fan of amateur science experiments, but there are times when not knowing something is just as satisfying. For instance, when the process of finding out whatever it is you're trying to find out involves
falling from the upper deck of Yankee Stadium,
it's probably a good idea to leave the hard work up to the professionals.

Here's a snip from the link above:

"The game was delayed for four minutes in the eighth inning when an 18-year-old fan, Scott Harper of Armonk, N.Y., plummeted about 12 metres from the upper deck onto the netting behind home plate.

''That was the only exciting thing that happened today,'' Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said.

Harper told three friends he was sitting with that he was going to test whether the net would hold his weight - and then he jumped, Det. Kevin Czartoryski said.

Obviously shaken after he landed, Harper sat with his head in his hands for a few moments before climbing on the net back up to the loge level as players watched and the crowd roared. He was hoisted over the railing and led away by security.

After the game, Harper was carted from the ballpark on a stretcher, his head immobilized in a neck brace, and taken to Lincoln Hospital for observation.

He was arrested, and Czartoryski said police expect to charge Harper with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct."

But wait, there's more.

"It was the second time in five years a fan fell or jumped from the upper deck at Yankee Stadium. In May 2000, 24-year-old Stephen Laurenzi of Yonkers, N.Y., was unconscious for a short time while sprawled on the netting as a game between Boston and New York went on. He also was arrested and taken to a hospital for observation."

Hopefully in both cases it was a mental hospital.

Huh?

This is a direct quote from a news item in an email I got from
Rolling Stone.
Does it sound as strange/stupid to anybody else as it does to me?

"SUGE KNIGHT pled no contest to driving without insurance and making an illegal U turn in San Bernardino County, last February. The Death Row Records labelhead was fined $691 for the incident that saw him in jail for a week when the police found marijuana in his vehicle. The drug charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence."

I'm either reading this wrong or there's some information missing from the story, but I'm having trouble getting my head around the idea that they found drugs in the dude's car but then dropped the charges because of insufficient evidence. Was the search not legal, are we dealing with the world's worst police force, or is it a case of somebody at Rolling Stone not checking their work before they sent the thing out? Somebody help.

Why Is It...?

Why is it that on extreme weather days, people always feel the need to start every conversation off with "hot enough for ya?", as if they somehow have control over a thermostat that they can turn up if you happen to say "no?", And even if somebody could do that for you, what would be the point? You know that the next person the guy asks is just going to say "yeah, it's way too hot out here" and he'll have to turn it down again anyway. And why is it that nobody ever actually says no when somebody asks that question, just to throw the person off?

Why is it that on hot days like this the weather is always the top story on the local news no matter what else is happening? I swear to you, today the weather, gas prices going up and the same stupid power use warning we hear every day beat out a guy with Flesh-eating disease, a murder and a truck accident for top story. Does that seem wrong to anybody else, or is it just me? I mean think about it. What person watching this newscast doesn't already know that "it's another scorcher out there"? It's local news, we all live in the same general area, it's not going to come as a shock to anybody unless that person has just come out of a coma that it's ball-melting hot outside. It would be different if they closed things down when it got hot like they do when we get one of those winter storms, but they don't, so leave telling me that the sun is out until it's time for the weather where that kind of thing belongs.

Why is it that people can be completely oblivious to the sound of a radio that's only partly tuned to whatever station they happen to be listening to? Me, that's one of the first things I notice when I walk into a place, and why not? It's the sound of static mixed in with the odd bit of music or talking now and then. It's annoying. I'm trying to hear what's being said and it keeps fading in and out, how can anybody possibly miss that? Today I was on a bus with a radio that was doing that and nobody said a word about it, nobody turned it off or changed the station, nobody did anything. I watched, I listened, I waited, and nothing. Not even the bus driver, who has to spend hours at a time driving around listening to it took action number 1 to right the situation. But this happens all the time in all sorts of places and it drives me insane. my dentist's office is like that. They always listen to the same radio station in there day after day and without fail I can walk in there and it still sounds like that. I've even mentioned it once or twice and still, nothing. But I suppose it does help support my opinion that nobody pays attention to the things around them anymore.

Why is it that no character in a book ever has to go to the bathroom? Isn't that weird? I do it, why shouldn't they? I'm not saying toss it into every book that gets written from now on, I realize that there are certain times when it just wouldn't fit, like in somebody's life story. Well ok, maybe if the guy had a particularly poignant thought or world-changing idea while taking a dump you should mention it, but otherwise, don't worry about it. What I'm talking about are works of fiction where the author has no problem going on for 17 paragraphs about trees and flowers and the way the sun hits the horizon, or the way that Francheska's clothes looked to Clouse underneath the ballroom lights. All of that and not even a passing acknowledgement that at some point Clouse had to pause momentarily from the business of admiring Francheska to set off in search of the appropriate place to engage in a long overdue draining of his lizard? That's just not right. I've even read books where a character goes into the bathroom, but it's always to brush his teeth or wash his face, never to pinch a loaf. We all know he's doing it, so why not just say it? I figure it would add that touch of realism that authors often look for.

My Name Is John Daker...

What if you put on a talent show and nobody with talent showed up? Well, my guess is it would probably look something like
this.

Clicking on the link above will take you to a page full of video clips from a truly awful talent night put on by a music teacher and her students in Peoria Illinois that aired on a public access television station around 15 years ago. You can read the website's
FAQ
for a more complete explanation of exactly what's going on if you want one, but the most important thing is that this stuff is absolutely terrible, we're talking
Miserable Melodies
terrible here.

I'm not sure what's more disturbing about this whole thing, the fact that any of these people think they are funny or can sing, or that I can't stop watching it.

Double Meanings

I guess all my talk of dogs made our google ads change to dog-related stuff, and lump-removal stuff. But one dog ad made me do a double take. I guess it was effective advertising, because it was sure tempting to click on it. The ad read something like:
Your dog need help upstairs? Get harness available at Pet smart.

I can't remember exactly how it read, and I can't trigger it again. But I stared at it and thought, how could a harness help a dog with a messed up head? I'm scared of what's in this thing.

It turns out it was about a harness that can let you help your dog navigate steps if it has arthritis or joint problems and can't get its back end up the stairs.

All I've gotta say is, ads always find a way to be unintentionally amusing.