Ahh, The Old You've Been Punk'd! Defence

Some days this job is like shooting fish in a barrel.

What days would those be, you ask.

Well my curious friend, days like the ones when some numbnuts walks in off the street and tries to rob a police station spring immediately to mind.

18-year-old Keithan Manuel's attempt went exactly as just about anyone but him would have expected, which means he's in jail now.

When reached for comment there, Manuel explained his actions thusly.

Manuel, in Dallas County Jail on several charges, including burglary, claims he visited the police station seeking information on a warrant, and was joking about the holdup, telling KTVT-TV, Dallas-Fort Worth, "I play like that all the time. I didn't think she would take it seriously."

Of course. You know how flippant those police types are about threats and crime.

Oh and Keithan, when somebody in that there jail tells you to be mindful of that whole soap thing. Yeah, that person isn't playing around the way you do.

Master Criminals Of History

Here's a bit of fun Saturday morning reading for you. 5 Supposedly Badass Criminals Caught in Embarrassing Ways

The only ones I don't remember ever hearing about are Robert Phillips and Joe Hunt, and Hunt is number 1 on the list for good reason. Astounding reason really, especially for a guy who is supposedly that bright.

Just Dropping In For Some Smokes

Until you ponder it for half a second, drilling a hole in the floor of the apartment above a store you want to rob might seem like a good idea. You can drop down, take what you want and then hoist yourself up again. No alarm, no suspicious breaking in or hiding in the store until it closes. It's perfect.

Well...not so much, at least not in the case of young Nicholas Pellon here. Hey. Pellon, that kind of rhymes with felon. Just sayin'.

What our 25-year-old thefting friend failed to consider was...just about everything, come to think of it.

For starters, who do you suppose lives in one of those apartments right above the store? Sure he busted into the place next door to his to drill his entry hole, but still.

Ahh yes, the entry hole. It worked great as an entry hole, but it proved to be a poor exit since Pellon was unable to climb up the same rope he used to drop down. I shouldn't make too much fun since I was always shit at the rope climb too, but I was just bad at it in gym class. I never thought to plan a burglary that hinged on skills I didn't have.

Unable to use his escape hatch, he frantically ran around trying doors for a while before eventually finding a way out through the basement with $150 worth of cigarettes. All of this, as you may have already guessed, was captured on the store's security cameras, which he also mustn't have thought about.

Pellon was easy to identify from the videos because not only does he live in the same building as the store, but he's also a regular there and even has a tab with the owner. Not for much longer, I reckon.

He's been charged with burglary, obviously.

How To Be Bad At Criminaling

This is exactly why you're supposed to study *before* the test and not *during* it!

An unidentified Milwaukee bank robber's day started out well. He got into the bank, got some cash and started to make his escape. Things went downhill dramatically when he ran into the path of a couple of police officers, but he wasn't about to let that stop him, at least not until they caught up to him a few blocks away.

While searching him, the cops discovered he was carrying a book that he had either not finished reading or failed to understand. "How To Be A Successful Criminal: The real deal on crime, drugs and easy money".

For his sake, I hope he stole it.

Maybe he should go back to whatever store sold him that tome and see if they have any copies of "How To Dig My Dumb Ass Out of the Impossible Hole Your Last Book Buried Me In" lying around.

Hey Honey, Get A Picture Of Me With This Bar From My Cell

This site and many others are full of stories about dumb things criminals have posted on Facebook. It's gotten to the point where it's almost not weird or funny anymore, so we let a lot of them slip bye without comment.

But every now and then you run across a Steven Mulhall. A thief who's not content to go unmentioned and will seemingly take just about anything to make sure his name gets out there.

Mulhall was in court last month answering to some misdemeanour theft charges when he decided he'd snag himself a little souvenir to take home. His choice? The nameplate from the courtroom door of Judge Michael Orlando.

So proud was Mulhall of his new possession that he just had to get a picture of himself posing with it. And it's at this point where I announce that we can prove conclusively that stupid is in fact contagious. I don't know if Steven Mulhall has a Facebook page of his own, but his girlfriend does. And for reasons known only to them, her page quickly became that picture's new home. An anonymous tip later, the crime was solved and the county jail once again became Mulhall's new home.

His girlfriend hasn't been charged with anything yet and may not be, since there may be no way to prove that she did anything other than post a foolish photo of somebody else. Mulhall, on the other hand, is now facing felony charges. It would have been a misdemeanour, but because of his history, the theft of something valued at $40 is being treated much more seriously.

Next time, and there will be a next time, just write the judge's name down if remembering it is that important. And don't forget to bring your own paper so you don't have to snatch any. We'd hate to give off the vibe that you're a habitual offender.

A Shocking Crime

Here's a post that most definitely needs itself a soundtrack.



36-Year-old Michael Harper has been sentenced to a year in prison for an attempted metal theft at a power substation in Leicester, England. But that's small potatoes compared to the sentence of life long disfigurement he received while the crime was in progress.

Remember how your mom and dad used to always tell you to make sure you go to the bathroom before you head out? Well, either Harper's family didn't get around to imparting that life lesson or he's a terrible listener. Whatever went wrong, he found himself faced with the when ya gotta go, ya gotta go reality at a most inopportune moment. Doing the only thing he could, he unzipped and let fly...right onto an electrical transformer.

2,000 Homes and businesses were left without power thanks to the subsequent explosion, and Harper was left burning on the floor by Richard Boyce, his ever so helpful accomplice.

for his part in the incident, Boyce was sentenced to 4 years. Not sure why the sentences were so much different, but perhaps there was a feeling that having his nuts grilled to a crisp was almost punishment enough for poor Mr. Harper.

There's not a whole lot more I can say about this, so if anybody needs me, I'll be wiping the tears out of my eyes and trying to pry my legs back open.

Special Delivery

I may be wrong, but I always thought one of the first rules of the break and enter was make sure you have an easy way in so you don't end up like this kid.

Northern Ireland police say a passing patrol spotted the 17-year-old wrestling to free himself from a house's front door before sunrise Thursday. They say he had tried to reach the door's inner lock via the letterbox flap but his arm became hopelessly trapped.

Firefighters dismantled the door but left the letterbox clamped to the boy's arm until they reached a police station, where it was safely removed.

Police didn't release the boy's name because he hasn't yet been charged with a crime.

Um...why not?

We Are The Champions...Of Failed Robbery

I post this mainly because I find it amusing and it fits in with what we do here, but also because any excuse to watch this video again is good enough for me.



It's always nice to hear stories of people with disabilities getting into new fields and breaking new ground. Well, maybe not always.

The Chevron clerk told police that 22-year old John Christopher Champion, who was wearing a Gators hat and Gators sweatshirt, had been going in and out of the store for several hours in his motorized wheelchair. Just before 10 p.m., the clerk said Champion piloted his chair behind the counter and demanded cash from the register as he brandished a pocket knife.

The 54-year old clerk said she fought back and in her struggle with Champion she stabbed him three times in the leg before he overpowered her. He then allegedly rolled out of the store with a 12-pack of beer and a roll of electrical tape.

but he didn't get far.

When police arrived, they didn't have to look too hard to find him. They caught up with him behind the store, where his wheelchair had gotten stuck in the sand. He was drinking one of the Bud Light Limes he admitted to taking in the heist. Interestingly, he admitted to stealing from the store, but not robbing it. Not sure how that one's going to hold up in court.

Champion also told police that he had encouraged the clerk to hit the alarm because nobody would arrest a handicapped person. He now has armed robbery and aggravated battery charges plus a stay in the Levy County jail that say different.

On The Run...Out

When you're on the run, little things you should remember to do are sometimes going to fall through the cracks. You're in a hurry, you're in a panic and people in that state sometimes forget things. But no matter what, you should always...always(!) make sure you have enough gas in the car to get you to where you need to be.

The Wyoming Highway Patrol said Tuesday that Richard Vincent of Prineville, Ore., was wanted in Georgia for violating parole on a murder and escape conviction.

Vincent called the Uinta (YOO'-ihn-tah) County Sheriff's Office who sent state troopers to help him out. When they learned that Vincent had an outstanding felony warrant from Atlanta, he was taken into custody.

Sugar Caine

You'd think, though wrongly it would seem, that the fear of police that's generally built into drug users and dealers would stop this kind of thing from happening. But yet again we have a customer not getting what was paid for and calling 911 in to act as a Better Business Bureau of sorts.

This time the disgruntled consumer is 47-year-old Suzanne Basham, who told police that she paid a guy $40 for some crack but wound up with a bag of sugar instead.

Of course she demanded that the underhanded shopkeep be arrested and that a refund be given immediately. But the only one arrested was Basham herself, when police found that she was in possession of a pipe.

Officers did go to an address given to them by Basham, but the people there denied they sold her anything and declined to have their home searched by investigators.

Maybe, if she has time between arrests, bad business deals and poor life decisions, she can go back and read this very similar story from last year and take comfort in the fact that she's not alone.

Another Shoplift With A Cop Arrest, But There May Be Hope For This One

There's been yet another Shop With A Cop shoplifting arrest. A few more and this may need its own tag.

More than 24 Sarpy County Sheriff's Department deputies were in the store at the time.

Some of the deputies taking 75 underprivileged children holiday shopping noticed a man running from the Walmart with electronics in hand.

As pictures were being snapped with the children, deputies and Santa, 49-year-old David Sherman headed for the parking lot.

Several officers caught up to him hiding in a car.

Unlike a lot of the other fools we've written about here, Sherman seems pretty aware of his situation and wants to fix it.

"I just feel real bad. I feel like I really let myself down, let people down. I just feel real stupid. When you are on that stuff, your mind, you're not thinking about no police or nothing," said Sherman. "Your mind is just thinking about getting some more drugs."

Sherman said he's in significant pain, detoxing from drugs.

He agreed to talk for two reasons, to apologize and to hopefully get help with his addiction.

"Because I ain't trying to hurt nobody. I didn't hurt anybody. It was just drugs and alcohol, that's it. I just hope that they can give me a chance to get my life back on track," he said.

Good luck, man. Seriously. Hopefully we don't have to write about you again until we can put you in one of the happier categories.

"So We're Even Now," Asked The Universe.

There are a lot of good reasons not to shoplift, and to them we can now add because when you get caught and are being questioned, somebody might be outside making off with a bunch of your stuff.

Korin Vanhouten, 47, and Eldon Alexander, 36, were let go after being cited for attempting to shoplift about $25 worth of goods.

As they returned to their vehicle they realized they had become victims of a crime themselves.

About $160 worth of items were taken from their car, including the stereo and amplifier, a drum machine and cigarettes.

Surveillance cameras show a man in a red sweater taking the goods.

Hello, 911? We Wouldn't Like To Report A Robbery, But We're Too Stupid Not To

Reason 17392 why you A: never program 911 into your cellphone contacts and B: always lock the aforementioned cellphone: If you knock off a Target to the tune of some DVDs and video games and then want to brag about it while you're getting away, the getaway might suddenly become much more difficult than you had anticipated.

Police said the two men entered the Target store Tuesday afternoon. When they got into their SUV after the heist, 911 got a call and the dispatcher listened in as they "yakked, jawed, and chortled about all they had done."

In the nearly one hour call, police said the men bragged about what they stole, described the vehicle they were in and where they were going next.

"The men even dialogued about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided to put the plates back on," police said in a release.

Police officers followed the pair and, as the two men got out of the SUV at another parking lot, arrested them.

What A Dmubass

I imagine there are quite a few vandals roaming around with a less than adequate grasp of spelling, but I'm not sure how many of them are as consistent or as easy to catch as Adam Hall.

Last month, somebody Vandalized Brittany Speckman's car. Whoever it was bent the license plate, keyed it and scratched the word "sult" into the hood.

Sult? Just what the hell is a sult?

The answer to that question is where Hall enters the picture.

According to an affidavit filed in Bennington Superior Court, it didn’t take long for Speckman to finger her 34-year-old ex-boyfriend Adam Hall as the suspected vandal. As Speckman explained to a cop, “she did not think Hall could spell at all,” and she later discovered two text messages from him in which he called her a slut but spelled it “sult” each time.

Bennington police Sergeant David Dutcher reached out to Hall who denied vandalizing the car but in a subsequent interview with the investigator--after waiving Miranda--Hall was asked to “write out the sentence ‘you are a slut’,” and predictably Hall scratched out “you are a sult.”

Hall appeared in crout on Mnoday, and now faces up to 5 years in priosn if convicted of the felony mischief chrage he faces.

Welcome To The Second Annual Shoplift With A Cop

For the second year in a row, there's been a shoplifting arrest at a Shop With a Cop event. I'm hoping this is something we can expect every year, like Christmas and the Darwin Awards.

Loss prevention officers at the Wal-Mart on Acton Lane saw a man in a back room cutting open packages of video games and game accessories and stuffing them inside his clothes. As the suspect walked towards the door, Charles County officers in the store were alerted and grabbed the suspect in the parking lot.

Timothy Randall Clark, 22, of Waldorf, was found to be in possession of 26 Play Station and Xbox games, two controllers, and several other video game accessories which were concealed inside his pants and sweatshirt. The total value of the items recovered was $635.04.

Clark, who has been charged with theft, apparently forgot or was unaware of how well a similar stunt didn't go last summer when Shane Alexander and Jason Vantress tried it.

I wonder what became of those two. I was certain I'd have seen their names come up again by now, but so far it hasn't happened. Maybe next year.

Two Calls, One Boat

Hello, 911? My name is William Hodges and I need your help. My boat has run out of gas. I'm about a mile from shore in the Gulf of Mexico and I'd rather not be stuck out here in this 17 foot crab boat all day. Thanks.

Hello, 911? I'm calling from the I.C. Sharks seafood company and we need your help. One of our 17 foot crab boats has gone missing and we were hoping you could give us a hand finding it. We'd rather not be without it all day. Thanks.

Hello, I.C. Sharks seafood company? This is 911. We think we found your boat. Do you happen to know a fellow by the name of William Hodges? No? Ok, we'll just go ahead and bring him in on grand theft then. Your welcome.

If Nothing Else, This Will Prepare Him For A Future Full Of Being Locked Inside Small Spaces

If Brent Jameson Morgan has a day job, let's hope he holds onto it rather than trying to make a living out of his apparent car theft hobby.

RCMP Cpl. Craig Douglass said Monday that Morgan allegedly jumped into the idling Corvette just as the owner was putting away a charger used to revive the sports car's dead battery.

The owner watched in disbelief as the suspect rolled up the power windows, locked the power doors and promptly stalled the vehicle.

"Unfortunately for the (suspect), he was not good with a standard transmission and stalled the Corvette when he attempted to reverse out of the driveway," Douglass said.

The shocked owner wasn't able to take any action because the man in his car was brandishing bear spray, Douglass said.

With not enough juice in the battery to restart the car, the suspect was trapped inside the Corvette after failing to break the window with the victim's anti-theft steering wheel lock and an axe in his backpack.

Morgan finally managed to break the window with a screw driver and was trying to make his escape as police were arriving.

Why, you ask, was he going to all this effort to bust out a window? Well, because he's an idiot, you see.

Fancy as the nice Corvette may be, it, like most other cars, comes equipped with manual door locks. It does this so that if oh, I dunno, the battery dies, you can still get out.

Morgan was arrested and charged with theft, mischief, possession of break-in instruments and possession of a weapon for a dangerous purpose. Police also removed his bicycle from the scene. Yes, he brought a bike to a car theft. Maybe he figured it wasn't so much a theft as it was trading up, who knows?

The Smarter Criminals Will Needle Him For This In Prison

I really think our drug-dealing apartment dweller has moved on. If not, it's someone just as dumb. Instead of just asking random folk who pass him by, he decided to post flyers in the neighbourhood saying "heroin for sale" complete with his address, phone number, and name! Not surprisingly, the police got very interested and a bunch of people got scooped up and carted off.

Um, really, really, dumb.

Started Off A Witness, Became A Suspect

I've heard of other people joining in to rob a place once someone had smashed a window. But I don't often hear about the ones who join in reporting the initial crime and saying they were witnesses. Well, the ones who called it in have now been arrested, and funnily enough, the first guy is the only one who hasn't been located.

The Cuffs On His Wrists Weren't As Nice As The Watch, But He Needed Them More

We've said it many times. there are good times and bad times for robberies. What those are can sometimes be debated since everybody likes slightly different working conditions. But no matter how you feel about either side, it's hard to make even the flimsiest of arguments in favour of the working habits ofMark Burgin.

Burgin, on trial for a 2009 knifepoint robbery in Tennessee, decided for reasons only an idiot could understand that the perfect time for his next great heist would be during a lunch break at the trial I just mentioned. His target? A jewelry store not far away.

A clerk noticed he was wearing a Rolex watch, and saw that a nearby display watch was missing. The clerk confronted him about the watch and he returned it. But when the clerk noticed several other pieces missing and asked Burgin about them, he fled and apparently returned to court about a block away.

He managed to escape with around $45,000 worth of merchandise, but that's where his luck ended.

The description given by witnesses was quickly matched to him, of course. Everyone at the courthouse knew he'd done it, but amazingly kept that knowledge from both he and the jury until the trial was over. Once he was found guilty on the old charge, he was immediately arrested and given a new one.

The charge may be new, but my money's on the verdict being pretty similar to the last one.