Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Naked Intolerance

Here's another episode of religious zealots piss me off.

There's a movement called Dutch Christian Natureists. They like to do their church services in the nude at nudist parks. Their feeling is "Hey. If Adam and Eve started off stark naked and it wasn't all weird, why can't we celebrate our bodies?" Hey, nothin' wrong with that. If that's what floats your boat, float away in the nude.

But this is apparently wrong, wrong wrong wrong according to some orthodox christians who thought the right thing to do was to leave "lurid curses" in the guest book of these people's website and make threatening phone calls. Oh how very christian of them. Well, they got their way, because the group has disbanded.

Listen guys, it's simple. It's called live and let live. If you don't want to screw someone who is the same sex as you, don't do it. If you don't want to sing hymns in the nude, don't sing 'em in the nude and don't attend the nudist service that's held in a nudist park. If you don't like someone, just don't invite him over for tea. As long as he's not hurting you, leave him the hell alone.

Ug. I don't understand why some people have to make something that isn't their business become their business. This planet is a big place. there's room enough for everyone to do their thing, I'm sure.

Swipe And Swap

This is one of the weirdest burglaries I've ever seen. Should I call it a burglary, or a wacky office-rearranging job? He does take stuff, like change, a laptop, some other random items, but sometimes he puts other items in place of the ones he stole. In one case, he took water bottles and moved them from one office to another. In another he took an employee's gym shoes and left his own shoes behind. Sometimes he'd bag some stuff, but not take it. He must have ADD or something. But he's been getting away with this for weeks, so maybe I shouldn't make fun of him.

Explosive Flavour

Now there's a video I'd love to see, a giant transport truck full of exploding pudding cups and rice pudding. What's in those things? Apparently the whole truck was consumed by exploding desserts in 20 minutes.

If You Get Flesh-Eating Disease, It's Good To Have Extra Flesh For It To Eat

Ok, cue the Steve jokes from everybody else who likes to make them.

We always hear about how being fat can kill you. Well, if you get flesh-eating disease, you'd better hope you packed on the pounds because that extra flubber might save your organs. How often do you hear a story like this? But one things' missing. They never said how big she was.

I know, I know, I'm a heartless bitch. Maybe flesh-eating disease ate my heart.

I Looked At What?

Here's the sequel to the whole filtering out sites that seem to have obscene words in them saga. Now, some numbnut was ordered to go through the Tampa fire station computers looking for evidence that firefighters were looking at porn. How were they doing this? They were looking for files that contained the words "gay," "sex" and "fun" among others. Then, without doing any sort of screening, they cross-referenced those files with what user was signed in and blamed said user for the files. Not only that, they made the list public. Anybody see any problems?

I see three huge ones. Lots of people got nailed, har har, for looking at the Babcock furniture store and searching for news about sprinter Tyson Gay among other innocent things. Second, just because a said user is logged on doesn't mean he was using the computer at the time when files were downloaded, but the poor guy has no way to prove he wasnt' on the computer at the time. It's beginning to look a lot like a witch-hunt. Third, what were they smoking publishing the list? Since the methodology was so unbelievably flawed, and no court was used to convict these guys, what right do they have needlessly destroying their reputations? Once the public hears that Joe smith was looking at porn, they have this way of believing it to be true, regardless of what Joe Smith says. And the more Joe Smith protests, the more they are likely to believe he did look at porn.

What morons. I hope their computer usage gets analyzed and they get accused of looking at porn when reading about assuming, or the constitution, or the functions of good methodology and proper screening. And don't even get me started on the need for good statistical analysis.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

They Must Have Been Sleeping On The Job To Let Him Sleep At That Hotel

wow. this is the stupidest decision I've heard in a long time. Hackney Council, uK, thought a fine place for a convicted rapist and stalker was in the same hotel which is housing a bunch of battered
wives.
They moved him out of there because of concerns for *his* safety. What about the safety of these women? They were there because they're on waiting lists for shelter, but this place was supposed to be safe. I'm glad he's moved, but what a stupid place to put him.

Il Internet è una serie di tubi

That was a cobbled translation of "The Internet is a series of tubes" into Italian. I don't know how well I did, I used Babelfish after all.

This is a warning to all bloggers in Italy. your blog could send you to jail. Yeah, a judge as uninformed as Ted Stevens decided that since a blog had a headline, then it was like an informal newspaper, and since those are not allowed, anyone who published one would go to jail or pay fines and be forced to take the blog down.

I'm glad I don't live in Italy, but I know this can happen anywhere. When will people realize that people who have no understanding of a certain subject shouldn't preside over it?

Subway, Get Fresh

I have not seen this for myself, but our friend Greg phoned us up and told us about it, so I went out searching. References to it are all over the net, but I can't find a single video of the commercial.

Apparently, Subway Sandwiches has started referring to their footlong subs as...as...as...Yum Rockets! That was the closest I could get to a video. If someone has a lead on the video, please please send it my way.

Gag! I do not want to put something in my mouth that is being referred to as a "Yum Rocket." If you think I'm insane, go read this. Now, do you want to stick a yum rocket in your mouth? didn't think so! Or next time you decide to chow down on a yum rocket, you'd better hope it doesn't squirt you with mayonaise. And if you order a footlong yum rocket, what does it say about you if you ask for extra pickles?

What is wrong with advertising folks? They've spent so long trying to think about slogans that this one sounds good to them. I think they should get out from under that rock they're being held under and get some air.

Get To Know Your Candidates...A Day Late

Carin just brought to my attention a boneheaded bit of election scheduling. I sent her a quick note to let her know that our local all candidates debatewill be on Rogers Television Tuesday October 7th at 7 PM.She's got a better memory than I do and she kind of serves as my pocket organizer, so I thought she'd have a better chance of remembering than I would. A few minutes later she wrote me back (yes, we really do email back and forth from down the hall) and let me know that the debate, which I feel is important when it comes to local candidates because most people aren't as familiar with them unless they take the time to study the local newspapers, takes placethe day after the final day of advanced polling.

Pardon my ignorance, but what sense does that make? Isn't the idea of voting to be as informed as possible about the choice you're making? If it is, why is the debate happening after what could be a large group of people have already made their decisions? And if it's not, then what exactly might the point actually be? It's not unheard of for a person to change his mind after seeing a debate. Yes you're voting for a party, but at the same time you're also voting for the person who is going to be the public face of your city for the next 4 years or less if this election goes the way I think it will. As somebody who sometimes votes in advanced polls because it's easier as a blind person to get help, this pisses me off just a tad.

I can't think of another year since I've been voting in this city that this has happened, but I guess it's possible that I could have missed it. In any event, hopefully it will be the last time. I don't want to have to write something like this again.

You Can't Hide Your Gun Anymore, So Feel Free To Wave It Around

I don't understand U.S. gun laws. I just don't.

Here's the story. Meleanie Hain, who has a concealed weapons permit, goes to her five-year-old daughter's soccer game, openly carrying a loaded weapon. Other parents found this to be kinda disconcerting. They told the coach. He told her to move. She wasn't happy with that. Later, her concealed weapons permit was revoked because she's considered a danger to public safety. But apparently, they have no legal right to confiscate her gun, so now she can still carry, all that's changed is she *has* to carry it openly.

Huh? If she's considered a danger to public safety, take her damn gun! I will never get this as long as I live.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

It's Not Easy Being Green

As I said before, my old computer died. So, now I have the task of trying to get its parts recycled properly so they don't just rot in a landfill spreading all kinds of toxins into the earth. You'd think that in a city that talks up and down about green this and green that that I could find someone who did e-waste disposal. Uh, not so much. Well, that's not exactly true. I can find a couple of places where you can drop off your dead computer parts, but I'm not exactly going to drive them across the city. but I thought I'd be able to find a few who would come and get it.

First, I asked the guy who I bought my new computer from. He didn't know. That didn't worry me too much since he's not from here. So I talked to another dude who works with computers all the time, and he gave me a number of a place. they never returned my calls. So, I went to the yellow pages and looked around. Nope, a lot of the businesses were in Toronto. alright, off to google! I founda place, but all they'd say was that they were a "computer service" since 1996. What exactly does that mean? they wouldn't say where they were located or give a phone number. I had to provide my email address to get any info about them. Na, I don't think so.

Ok then. I guess I'll call computer stores. The big chains wouldn't answer their phones, and one small store said they'd do it but I'd have to bring it to them, and didn't know of any service that would pick up the left over computer bits.

Back to google I went, and found out that on certain holidays between the hours of 10:00 and 2:00, you could drive the computer parts to a drop-off spot for free. There was also a University of Guelph program where they'd take them, but again, you'd have to get the parts to the drop-off spot.

Finally, more googling led me to the City of Guelph's website, and a number to call. She gave me a big file full of info, and in there was mentioned a place called Production works, a service run by community Living where their clients dismantle old computers and send the parts to a recycling company. And, bonus, they'll even pick up the old parts!

I phoned them, and they said they wouldn't be in my area in the next few days, but they'd probably be there in less than a month, so they said they'd give me a call.

Gees! Who knew recycling old computer parts would be so difficult? I'll try and make it abit easier for other people in Guelph. If you call 519-767-0598 and ask them where else you can drop off old computer parts, they'll email you a big list of options.

Ah! Now that I've found a way to take care of these computer parts, I feel much better. Now why was it so hard?

Tesco Really Tries To Prevent People From Hitting The Sauce

Let's pick on the UK some more, just because it's so easy.

this story is a bit old, and I don't know how I missed it, but better late than never, I guess. Claire Birchell, age 25, was up visiting her parents. She went to the store and saw barbecue sauce with Jack Daniel's in it. Since she couldn't get it back home, she thought she'd buy a bottle. But since she didn't have ID, store employees said "Not a chance." When her brother-in-law, who did have ID, tried to buy it, they said no, since he'd probably give it to her.

come on. It's goddamn barbecue sauce. Higher-ups say the staff should "err on the side of caughtion." I think it's more like the side of stupidity.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Things That go Speed BumpIn the Night

God. First we had the grandmother who thought the hood of her car was a fine place for a three-year-old, and now, a mom who thinks car-surfing is a perfectly good hobby for her kids. She won't think that anymore, one of her kids fell off after she hit a speed bump and kissed the pavement pretty hard. He's now in critical condition and she's charged with child abuse. Idiot!

Ve Have Vays Of Making You Not Talk

Eek! Here's another one for the extremely creepy dentists files. This German dentist didn't get paid, so came and forcibly took back the installed dentures from the woman's mouth.

I still need to find a new dentist. I'm afraid, very very afraid.

This Post Has Been Dropped Off Here Thanks To The Great State Of Nebraska

The number of children legally turned over to Nebraska hospitals thanks to the state'spoorly written safe haven lawhasjust risen by 9.

The kids, dropped off by their father at the Creighton University Medical Center, range in age from 1 to 17.

It's not yet known why they were left there, but a news conference has been called for later today, so we may find out more then.

I Can Read Your Mind...I Think

Great. Now the Homeland Security Department is trying to invent a machine that would allow them to remotely scan people's bodies to detect malicious intent. They plan to put these suckers in at airports, and it can apparently detect the difference between the physiological response created by thoughts of "Oh my god I'm going to miss my connection" and that of "I'm gonna blow up this here plane." They have a 78% success rate. Wooo! That's spectacularly sucky in the statistical realm. Keep working, keep working for a long, long, long time, especially since you fuckers love to push invasive and overzealous measures on the public.

I hope to christ that if this ever makes it to common use, that there will be an obligation to put up signs advising people that they will be scanned by these machines. I mean, there is no requirement to hook a person up to anything to scan them, so the potential is there to not even tell the public it's going on, and I don't like that. I don't want to see these things showing up as much as surveillance cameras in Britain, perhaps, without any indication that they're there.

God damn it, what is with this recent need to try and probe minds? We had the brain electrical oscilation signature technology in India, then the physiology-monitoring software designed by Microsoft, and now this. Stop it!

Look Out, You Old Bag

Prop, a Japanese company, has invented a wearable airbag to protect elderly and disabled people from falls.

The device, controlled by sensors, is capable of inflating in just one-tenth of a second when trouble is detected.

the bag is designed to cushion the back of the head as well as the buttocks, which is great unless you happen to fall on your face, at which point I suppose you're on your own.

We Have Liftoff!...Eventually

This story sort of reminds me of all those times that the obituary of somebody who isn't quite dead yet hits the web anyway, but at least when that happens most of the reported events have already occurred.

China's Xinhua news agency recently posted an article about the successful beginning of the Shenzhou 7 space mission, complete with quotes from conversations between the astronauts on board. The only problem? The thing hadn't launched yet, and the article was dated 2 days into the future, September 27th to be exact.

An employee speaking on behalf of the XinhuaNet website said that the publication of the article was an error by a technician, but did not describe the time machine technology that was used to get such detailed quotes.

Well, Lawyers Do Like To Spew It...

I should be able to take this lawsuit seriously. I mean, I can't imagine finding out that, while I was under the knife, my doctor somehow stapled my butt shut. But I can't. Why? Because the guy this happened to is represented by a lawyer named Emily Malarkey. by the sounds of it, she should be working for the other team. Then, her name would be really fitting.

So now, in addition to the similarly-cursed doctor mentioned before, there's a lawyer running around with that handle.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A realization

I had a funny thought strike me as I walked home tonight. Trixie and I were walking along and as we passed a group of dudes, one said, "What a beautiful girl." I smiled and said, "yeah, she's an awesome dog," and kept going.

a little while later, I thought, "Ya know, someone could hit on me and I wouldn't even know it. I'd just think they were complimenting the dog!"

Who Knew Selling Beds Could Be So Hard

I know a lot of you people love this stuff almost as much as I do, so enjoy theseouttakes from a mattress commercial.

Those Nigerians Never Give UP, Do They?

First we had the Nigerian scam. Now, apparently, for the terminally stupid among us who don't understand the phrase "once bitten, twice shy, we have the Nigerian metascam. This email example collected by Snopes is, well, spectacular. Observe.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation ATM CARD PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
From: Federal Bureau Of Investigation (robertmueller@fbi.gov)
Sent: Mon 9/01/08 9:24 AM
Reply-to: atm_card_centre303@hotmail.com

Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J. Edgar. Hoover Building, Washington D.C
Telephone Number : ( 202 )-324-3001

ATTN: BENEFICIARY

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation agents. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of $800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD.

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of $550 USD which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union Money Transfer / MoneyGram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact details of the Agent whom will process your transaction:

CONTACT INFORMATION

NAME: MR. PAUL SMITH
EMAIL: atm_card_centre303@hotmail.com
Telephone Number : +234-808-252-6229

Immediately contact Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM Card Centre with the following information:

Full Name:
Address:
City:
State:
Zip Code:
Direct Phone Number:
Current Occupation:
Annual Income:

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Paul Smith he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $550 USD for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.

Once you have completed payment of $550 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact me back so as to ensure your ATM CARD gets to you rapidly.

FBI Director
Robert Mueller.


Can the English be any more mangled or any more confusing? What's more, if this is an FBI email, why do they have you calling, oh, say, Nigeria? And, why do they have you emailing sensitive information to a hotmail account? Those are questions anyone with half a brain should be asking. Those with a full brain should just hit the delete key without looking back.

I can't believe the sheer gall of these scammers. It's, well, amazing.

Brian Sinclair Update

It appears the Brian Sinclair story gets even sadder. What did he die of? A completely preventable bladder-infection. Plus, I guess the guy had a serious speech problem, so maybe he felt too nervous to go to the desk. He came from a clinic with a letter explaining what he needed, so now the question is why didn't the clinic phone, or who didn't get the message?

What a mess.

Once Again, Not Funny

ASU vomit prank could have caused Tempe collision

Two vehicles collided under Arizona State University’s pedestrian bridge Monday evening after several students were caught drinking large amounts of milk and vomiting over the side into the traffic below.

A car slowed down to avoid the falling vomit when another car slammed into the first car’s bumper at 6 p.m., according to Tempe Police Sgt. Steve Carbajal.

A 6-year-old girl received minor injuries in the crash, Carbajal said.


I wish people would stop referring to these kinds of things as pranks and start calling them what they are, criminal stupidity. I know pranks, and if it involves endangering somebody's life, it's not a prank.

Changes To CNIB

I'm warning everyone, this post is long, winding, and confusing.

I received a disturbing email the other day, and my first response was "Oh my god, this isn't good, not good at all. We have to scream blue murder about this." Now that I've talked to some people, I don't know what to think. The email said:
Dear friend,

Are you aware that, historically, the President and CEO of CNIB has always "had" to be a client of the CNIB? Have you heard that, at the upcoming CNIB AGM on Saturday, September 27, 2008, a motion is expected that would remove the requirement that the President and CEO be a client of CNIB? Does this strike you as odd, or at least, as a step backward? Did you receive the CNIB fundraising letter in August, and find it offensive? Do you have a different view altogether?

Either way, we need to hear from you as soon as possible. CNIB has indicated that even non-members will have the opportunity to speak at their AGM about the decision to remove the requirement that the President and CEO be a client of CNIB, and that is what we plan to do. But we'd like to know what people think - and we need your help in encouraging the CNIB membership to either kill this motion, or at least amend it.

First, please visit the survey link below and complete the questionnaire so that we can gather feedback on what our response to this decision ought to be. Your input is valuable! (This survey is intended for members.)

Survey: http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07e2d3gto5fl78lwja/start.

Second, if you agree that the President and CEO of CNIB should be a person who has first-hand experience as a person who is blind or partially sighted (as they have in the past), please sign our petition by visiting the following link. (You may forward this petition to friends and family, too!)

Petition: http://www.petitiononline.com/cnibpcqb/petition.html.

Third, the CNIB AGM will be taking place on Saturday, September 27, 2008 at 3:30 pm. It will be held at The Best Western Hotel & Suites located at 808 Mount Pleasant Road, Eglinton Meeting Room, Toronto. If you can attend (in person) to speak and/or show your support, it would be greatly appreciated! (Please e-mail John Rae at: rae@blindcanadians.ca and let him know you're coming!)

September 27th is one week away. Don't delay - act now!


Can't you tell I received this a bit ago?

First, a teeny bit of explanation about the part about the fund-raising letter received in August. I received it, oh lord did I ever, and smoke came out my ears. I was so unbelievably close to emailing CNIB CEO Jim Sanders a steaming pile of vitriol. I don't have that horrible lettre, but I'm going to see if google has it. Damn it, it doesn't, but this blog post sums up the letter's disgustingness and how I felt. Basically, this marketing plea, which appeared to be signed by CEO Jim Sanders, told the public that it's a terrifying experience being blind, and most would sell everything they owned to keep their sight. I agree that if you go blind later on, that would be scary. but if you've been born this way, there's nothing scary about it unless people makeyou feel it's scary. And to see the assumptions I hear from those who don't know sent by the CNIB, in a letter signed by a blind man, well...it rendered me inarticulate and angry. Steve had to pull back on the rains and keep me from emailing something that showed just how inarticulate I had become at that moment. Hmmm. Steve has had to do that a lot over the years.

I wish I had actually sent something once I had calmed down, but life got in the way and I didn't. Luckily, others had let their fingers fly, and poor Jim got deluged with angry blinkmail. We soon got a letter that basically said, "I'm sorry! I never saw that! I wouldn't have signed it if I did! that was a bad marketing decision. Again, I'm sorry, eternally so."

Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the email I just received. I have to say the folks at the AEBC sure got my attention and got me very interested. My first thought was I would be concerned if someone who wasn't blind took over anorganization who served the blind, since most sighted folks don't have a clue what is helpful and what isn't, or get a very narrow view of what we need based on meeting one blind person. What if the person in charge of CNIB thought that if you had a guide dog, you didn't need Orientation and Mobility training. This is a common misconception. what if they decided that would be the most effective place to cut funds? O and M instructors are already spread way too thin. Imagine what would happen then. That's just one example, but I think you can see my point.

I decided that one email wasn't good enough to get me all worked into a lather, since there are so many email hoaxes. I wanted the truth from the very organization about which this was written. So, I asked my O and M instructor. She said she hadn't heard this news yet, but directed me to the regional manager. I emailed her, and I guess she sent the message on to the head of CNIB, Jim Sanders. I soon got a big fat email from him, complete with info on the motion being put forward. Basically, he wants to retire, and the guy deserves it, since he's been working for CNIB for 40 years. He would like the next CEO to be blind, but for one thing, just because a person is blind doesn't mean they can manage an organization of this size, and second, a lot of those who have the skills they're looking for are already working and don't want to leave their work to head up CNIB. Hmmm. Both of those are fair points. He urged me to call him, so I did. I sat there, thought a while, took a few deep breaths, and picked up the phone.

I envy those who can manage to get all their thoughts out in a phone call. I'm not good at it. I had about a million thoughts, some I've already said here, and others were swirling around. I immediatley got the sense this guy was a very busy man, so I had to get the thoughts rolling in a clear, concise manner. He sure rememberd who I was without any reminders. I wonder if he expected me to call this soon. I managed to get out that I understood that it was better to have a capable CEO rather than it being necessary that they were blind, but not all capable CEO's understand our issues as closely as we do, so the person taking over had better have broad experience with lots of bblind and partially sighted people, and know we have a wide variety of needs. I managed to get out that they can't get the job because they have experience with one dude who they see every day on the street. He started laughing. "Yeah, the guy's uncle, or neighbour, or second cousin is blind so they know everything, " he said. This made me feel better, but of course he would understand that, the guy's blind! But he told me that just because a blind person took over as CEO doesn't mean that we can all feel safe. We blinks have biases too. Of course I knew that, but in all the ra ra ra-ing of the email, I had forgotten this. He told me a story about a blind guy who was working as policy advisor for a company who didn't read braille, so managed to abolish braille as an alternative format at that company. Now that would be scary too. He told me that of course he wanted a blink to take over, but because of all the things he'd said before, a good match was hard to find. He urged me to tell all people who I felt were qualified about the position. The posting wasn't up yet, but he said they would make it widely available. He thanked me for calling, and told me to have a wonderful day.

So here I am, with some of the wind knocked out of my sails, not quite sure what I'm next going to do. I'm for sure going to fill out the AEBC survey, but I'm not going to slap my name on the petition. I'm trying to think of who I know who would be able to do that job. I know for sure it's not me. But I definitely have a more rounded understanding of the whole issue.

So, there it is. I hope that people who have something to say do say it, whatever that something may be. I hope the next CEO is a good one. I mean, the CNIB can't get much worse than it is. I appreciate the O and M and the library, and if I had a need for the rehab, I'd probably apreciate that too. But I run from the tech aids store and their volunteer program is virtually non-existent. We don't need to roll down the hill any further.

What Do You Get...?

Q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?

A: Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.

Goodnight And Good Luck, We'll See You Next Year

Like pretty much every other fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I'm long past sick to fucking death of hearing about Mats Sundin and his inability to make up his mind about the future. Much likeMattI'm a fan of his, but I'm at the point now where If I never hear his name again it would still be too soon.

So last night I'm watching the game and during I think it was the 2nd intermission the TSN guys got off on the same old jag about what he might do, where he's going to go and when he's going to go there. It made me ridiculously angry, to the point where if I hadn't been well entrenched in couch position I would have probably gotten up and kicked my TV.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this, but what the hell, it's my site and I'm saying it anyway. This whole thing is pretty simple. What Mats Sundin decides to do this year should be a non-issue. He didn't make up his mind by the start of training camp, therefore the option to play in the NHL this year should not exist for him. None of this watching the standings and biding his time crap. No decision, no top level hockey. I'm sick and tired of watching guys hold teams hostage because they just don't know what they want or because they feel like holding out for more money. We need a rule stating that if you're not signed with a team by the time camp or at the latest the pre-season starts, you ain't playing, end of story, best of luck in Europe or the minors. I'm not talking about guys who are fighting for roster spots here. I'm talking about so-called leaders that any team would gladly clear some cap room for regardless of whether or not it's what's best for the organization.

And where Sundin is concerned, don't even get me started on how much of a hypocrite he is. Last year when the Leafs wanted to trade him at the deadline, he refused to go because hockey is a journey, from season's beginning to season's end. Well, the season has started and I don't see Mats Sundin going along on anybody's journey, and if he's got any respect for his word and for the teams he's been stringing along like some chick playing hard to get, he'll keep it that way.

Ok, I feel a bit better now. At leastI do until the next time I think about sports.

So Close...but So Far!

How does a guy sit in the ER for 34 hours and die without being seen? Better still, how does a double amputee in a wheelchair not get noticed? How can the ER be so busy that when a guy asks a nurse to check on Brian Sinclair, the guy sitting in his wheelchair who hasn't moved in hours, she responds by saying they're too busy? Even better, if this guy was a regular at the ER, how could he be overlooked? It's weird that he didn't make it to triage, but if he's there all the time, they know he likely has problems. couldn't someone have gotten him some help?

Every time I think about this story, it makes me sad. I can't imagine making it to the hospital and dying anyway. Even if they can't explain this away, I hope they can put some sort of preventative measures in place to keep this from happening again. then another part of me says those preventative measures should have been already present, i.e. human eyes, ears, and common sense.

I Can Relate

24 Sep, Wed, 18:51:08
Google:
tna pants groped raped banged


I know how you feel, my friend. I usually feel the exact same way after watching an episode of Impact.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Trixie speaks again!

Trixie speaks
I really didn't have a lot to say for a while. Stuff wasn't different than I'd said before. The guy with the weather knob finally stopped turning it so white stuff would fall from the sky. I was pretty happy about that. It was so easy to get distracted when the weather was good again. More dogs were out for walks. I was just a happier dog. We would take those long long walks again. We hadn't moved again. The good stuff just got buried by the white stuff. I have to remember that next time the guy in the sky decides to turn the weather knob down to nasty. Hopefully carin's smart enough not to shove boots on my feet this time. We'll see. Time will tell.

One thing that's been weird is she can't decide what to feed me. I was going along eating the kibble I knew and thought I loved. I mean, it was all I knew, and I'm a lab, and I'll shovel pretty much anything into my mouth. I've even tried to eat that nasty brown stuff that comes out of my butt, so I don't have very high standards. Anyway, she met this woman one day and we went down to that big big room in the building here and they talked all day. At the end of the day, the lady took us to this other store. Woohoo, another pet store! Yea! Carin bought a big bag of food that smelled way yummier than the other food. I snapped my jaws at it!

She started to feed it to me, along with the other stuff I used to call food. Then, slowly, she fed more of the new stuff than the old stuff until I was only getting the stuff that made me snap my jaws! Mmm! That was good food!

But then, something else started to happen. It got harder to do my business! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it! I felt funny, but we'd still work. How am I supposed to work when I feel weird and all I can think about is how I felt weird? I would try, but I'd always forget things. like stopping at steps, looking out for narrow door frames. I got in so much trouble! She got really upset when we went to that thing with lots of people out at that place with lots of woods around it. What did she call the thing? It was for our neighbours downstairs. It was a...wedding? Yeah. At the...arboretum? Yeah, arboretum! That's it. I couldn't think at all. There was so much to sniff, and I felt funny, and when I feel funny, I'd rather do something that makes me feel good. So, I sniffed. I sniffed and ran around. I couldn't figure out who to follow. I tried to jump in some water. She knows how much I like water, so this shouldn't have been a shock. But she was upset, and I could tell. She took me to that evil place the next morning. That vet place. After they talked, she started buying these cans of goo that she would scoop out of to add to my food. What did she call it? Pumpkin? Yeah, pumpkin! I could do my business again! Oh, I was happy.

Then, the guy in the sky started messing with the weather knob again. He'd turn it way way up and then make it way cooler, not cool enough to make white stuff fall, but cool enough. Then it would get really hot again! Oh how I wanted to swim!

The next time she got me food, she got me another kind of food. What was this? I didn't snap my jaws as much, but it was yummy enough. Plus, she stopped adding goop to it. Miracle of miracles, I could still do my business! Ah, hopefully we can stay with this food for a while.

Man, over the last month, we've been away from home a lot. First, we went to the house where that fat man with the nice balls's family lives. We went out to this other house where lots of people came and said hello to this lady who I sort of knew. On the morning we were supposed to come home from that, Carin had that thing you hold to your ear and talk into in her hand. She pressed some buttons and it went beep boop beep and she started talking. Then she started crying into the fat man with the nice balls's shirt! The other guy who lives there who I love so much started playing with me while she cried into the fat man's shirt. What was wrong with her? I don't know, but soon we were on the road again, going to that house with the cat in it that doesn't like me. Now the cat will only come out when Carin and I have gone to bed and she's shut the door to the room we're in. What did I ever do to her?

Anyway, everybody was there, and seemed kind of sad. Then the older guy who sometimes comes over with the older lady came over for supper, but there was no older lady! They kept talking about flowers and churches and graves. I didn't understandit, so I took a nap.

The next day, we got up and everybody got dressed up and got in the car. We got out, and there were lots of people there. I didn't know them, but they all seemed to know Carin, or Carin's family. We went inside this building with benchy seats and an organ playing and sat there for a while. Everybody sang from time to time. Then we went out to this grassy place. I always get caught sniffing the grass, but I knew I wasn't supposed to sniff this grass. Carin bent down and put a flower near this stone thing. Then this other guy sprinkled some dust in the hole. I just stood very still. Then we went down some stairs and people ate a bunch of sandwiches and more people came by to talk. There was a lot of talking that weekend.

Finally we got to go back home. We had to ride a couple of those big bus things to get there. We stayed there for a little while, and then we got up really early in the morning. Where were we going now, and why wasn't I getting any food? We got in a big weird van and it drove off. We got out at this building I'd seen before. At least I think I have. I think I saw it when I first came here. Was I going back to the people who taught me all this stuff? What was going on?

We got on a flying car bus thing and we flew and flew and flew. We flew through some bumpy spots that I didn't like. I shook and shook and shook. Then we got off and we rode on this weird cart thing. Wooo! It was fun! I looked out the side at all the people going by. Hello! Hello there! Look at me. I'm a princess! Then we got on a smaller flying car bus thing, and there was a guy and his dog getting on too! How often do I see another dog with my same harness? Not very often. We flew for a little while, and then we walked and got in this other van thing and drove for a while.

When we got out, oh my my my! There were so many dogs. Can I sniff a puppy? No? You're no fun, Carin. What about that puppy? Or that one? that one? That one? Hey! Why did I get corrected, I got kissed by that other dog! I just wanted to kiss back!

We went up to a room, came inside, and oh my my my! there was Beauty! Beauty, my long lost yellow friend! I wanted to play. She wanted to play. But Carin said I couldn't play until I went to the box. What is this box?

I soon found out what this box was. It was a big box full of soft stuff that I was supposed to do my business in! Excuse me! I am not a cat! That looks like something that angry cat from that house would use. Eeewwww! I grew to hate that box.

That was a fun, but stressful weekend. There were so many dogs, and we all wanted to say hello. We all got a lot of corrections. But I did get to play with a couple of dogs. There was Beauty and there was another dog. Pasta. Her name was Pasta! She has big floppy lips like I do. She always tries to chew on her leg like I do. She's black like me. But she plays rougher than I like. sometimes I have to puff up when she starts that stuff.

I got so confused. I didn't know when I could get food anymore. Once, I tried to tell her that it was time to get up, and she just groaned and said it was too early. No! do I have to tell you again? I know what time it is! I always know. But I couldn't convince her, and the other dogs told me I was crazy and it was too early. but I convinced them that no, I was right, and they needed to help me. they came over to her, and she was on a low bed. We all licked and sniffed her, and then we all got told to settle down. the other dogs told me they told me so, and that I was just being a lab wanting food. So, am I wrong? do I not know what time it is? This is new to me!

We did more talking and walking and then we came home! Oh I was happy to see home again! I was also happy to know I could tell time again. But Carin didn't unpack the suitcases! She just left them where they were and took stuff out of them! What. Were we traveling again? I found out that yeah, we were, back to the house with the cat in it. Phew. At least I know this place. when I saw it, I ran around it. It's so much bigger than the place I call home and it has a big yard that she finally lets me play in.

That weekend was crazy. We went to another place with benches and stuff, but people seemed so muchh happier to be there. It was another one of those things like our downstairs neighbour had. It was a wedding. There were little boys with rings and people repeated each other's words and stuff. Then we went out to this other place with walking paths and lots of stuff and a big room where we slept. After having to lie quietly under the table for so long, when we got back to the room, I just wanted to go to sleep. Carin let me have my wish.

the next day, after we left that place, we went back to the house with the cat and then we got back in the car and we went to that other house I like. It had a cat in it, but doesn't anymore. But I like it because sometimes Luther comes over and we play. I love everyone in that house.

We didn't stay there for long before we got back on one of those big buses, and then another one, and a car, and then we were back here! She seems to be unpacking faster than she did before. Maybe we'll stay here for a while!

One thing I know is life is never dull. But I would like a llittle bit of the ordinary for a wihle, though. It would make me feel a bit calmer.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Peaks And Valleys

Remember I said I wanted to rip apart a hotel? Let's get rippin'!

This weekend, my cousin got married. So, I came up to be there. The reception was going to be held at this place called the Calabogie Peaks Resort. So, being the sweethearts that mom and dad are, they booked a big suite at the place for themselves, my sister, her boyfriend, and me to stay in so we wouldn't have to drive back late. We'd seen the spot lots of times when we used to ski there, we knew it was pretty nice. I get the sense, although mom and dad never said as much, that it cost a pretty penny to stay there. We thought this would be a nice touch to a nice wedding. Oh boy, were we wrong.

Lets' start at the beginning, although I didn't witness this part myself. Dad called to book a room and got transferred to the woman in charge of sales. So, when thinking sales, I picture someone who is chipper, wants to answer all of your questions, and is willing to do whatever makes you decide that yes, in fact, you do want to spend a big hunk of cash to stay at her hotel. Apparently this woman was less than friendly. When asked how big the room was, she said "It's big enough." When dad pressed, asking things like square footage, she just said, "Oh, it'll be big enough for you." He then asked if they could have a cot in the room, since there would be five of us there, and one of us needed a cot. Her response? "no. Bring your own cot." Then, she didn't even take dad's visa number to make sure it was reserved. He called back, and a nice girl answered the phone. He explained that he wasn't happy about the response to the cot question and was upset that he couldn't reserve the room with his visa. She profusely apologized for the other woman's rudeness, saying, "why does she always do that?" I have a better question. why is the grouchy one in charge of sales if she profoundly sucks?

The nice girl made sure there was a cot there and took his visa number. That was one of the few cool things the place did.

The day of the wedding, dad decided to call to make sure there would be a hair-dryer in the room and an iron. they assured us that all the amenities would be present. Cool, we thought, as we got ready.

Then, we arrived, all ready to start partying. When dad arrived at the desk to check in, he was given our room key, and quietly told that, "Oh, by the way, the power will be off tomorrow morning in your building from 6:30 until noon. You will have cold water, but to get any hot water, you'll have to go to the main building of this resort, where there are showers near the pool. That building has a generator." Dad asked why there would be a power outage. "Oh, it's something Ontario Hydro is doing. It's been scheduled." Hmmm. So, first, if it was scheduled, why weren't we warned, either when we booked the room, or when we asked about amennities? What good is a hair-dryer or an iron to us if we have no hydro? Second, if it was scheduled, and people had reserved this place for a wedding, why wouldn't the hotel have gotten generators for all its buildings? Most folks don't like taking showers in cold water. Finally, barring all of the above, how come we weren't given a discounted rate? We weren't cut any discount. Somehow, I think power is an important feature of a hotel, don't you?

Our suite was like a chalet, and you could only get to it from the outside, after climbing this large flight of wooden steps. I remember thinking, "These would be hell in the winter." Mom said they must salt them well, but considering the lack of service so far, I have my doubts.

I guess the place was so full that they gave us the CEO's suite, and it was a pretty sweet suite, ha ha ha. It was a beautiful room, with a big sitting area, complete with pull-out couch that became a bed. The bathroom was massive, with a pair of sinks, a shower, and a jacuzzi tub. It was hard to look at that jacuzzi knowing we wouldn't get to use it. Of course it had a toilet. I figured I'd better put that in, since hot water and power were optional according to these folks. We had a full kitchen, complete with, um, leftover food that the CEO had left. Other things of his were laying around the sitting area, such as board games, magazines, most of which were pretty ordinary, and DVD's. The magazines and the DVd's had some interesting choices. I guess my parents and sister are pretty sheltered, because they saw the heavily dogeared copy of the Swimsuit Edition of Sports Illustrated and were appalled. I was appalled right along with them when we saw a DVD with a bunch of, um, questionable titles on it. The only one I can remember was "operation booze orgy." What? This CEO must be pretty horny.

Update: I figured out it was some kind of rock band called Scobo (Scorpion Chainsaw Operation Booze Orgy" but there were other weird things in there.

Out back, we had a deck, but we couldn't get to it, because the screen door was full of flies. If we opened it, we would have a room-full of flies. Nice cleaning job, guys.

I think that was about it for the room. It did have a cot in it, so I guess the second girl did her job.

the reception was nice, they seemed to have done a good job of that. Then the fun started the next morning. The power went off, and we didn't even have cold water! We had no water! We couldn't flush our toilet! We phoned the desk, whose staff promptly snipped at us that "There would be generators hooked up soon that would allow you to have cold water." Well excuse me, but when things are already bad, and they get worse, we're not usually all sunshine and Lollypops about it.

Then, we asked them what time checkout was, and they couldn't decide. They said first that it was 11:00 and then 10:00. So, to be safe, we had all our stuff out before 10:00. Others were told it was 11:00, but to take their time, because with no power, cleaning folk couldn't come in. Well, someone wasn't listening to that conversation, because at 11:00, they promptly deactivated all the key cards. Yeah, that's a hospitable thing to do.

They have quite an attitude about themselves. When dad was reserving the room and found out the hotel was nearly full to capacity, he asked where else they could stay near by if it filled up too fast. they mentioned some far away hotel, when there's another one in the small town. This also amazes me. If they feel they can treat their guests like this because they have no competition, how bad is the other hotel in the same town?

Even their website reflects their shitty service. Take a look at their toll-free number listed on every page. Notice anything wrong? No? Try and dial it! You never connect? That would be because the last digit is missing. Luckily, when they wrote out their contact page, they managed to get the digit in there. but that line about calling them for information is on every blasted page of the site. Nice job, nice job.

How the hell is a hotel like this surviving? If the hotel was cheap and you could see that you got what you paid for, that's one thing. but this is an expensive ski resort! How is this possible? Do they have such intense customer loyalty that people return no matter what? They really think they're something special, so much so that they can treat a whole bunch of people who paid good money to stay there like crap. Let's see what ye old word of mouth can do to their attitude. I'm doing my best to spread the word about their inadequate service so that maybe, just maybe, people will think twice about going there to stay. It's sad, because apparently the place is beautiful. If the staff could only treat the customers like they should be treated, the place would sell itself.

Ryan's Quality Pet Food Is A Quality Store

I've been full of negativity and criticism today, and already have a post waiting in the wings where I completely rip apart what a hotel calls service, so I felt like some positivity would be nice. Hey everybody in Guelph and the surrounding area. If you have a pet, if you can, get your food from Ryan's Quality Pet Food. Why? Because they're good people. They're such good people that I think they're going to be plopped into the links bar. Let's go through the awesomeness that is Ryan's.
  1. They deliver! I don't know how far they'll go, but they deliver. I think if you order like more than 40 bucks worth of stuff, which is easy to do when buying food, delivery is free! How sweet is that?
  2. When I was switching foods, they actually talked to me for a while about the advantages of each food, and threw in a free bottle of that enzyme stuff. One guy even looked at the Trixter when I was worried about her weight and said she was getting a wee touch pudgey, which was what I was worried about, so I know they're not stupid.
  3. They have other things other than food. Lots of cool toys and accessories, and they'll take the time to show you how they work, which is more than I can say for some pet stores.
  4. and they're just so nice to me! They've done some above and beyond things for me, like last time, I had to come and get my food because I was too stupid to order it the day before setting off on another trip so I could have it delivered, and knew I didn't have enough food to do the whole trip. So I had to run and get it. Trixie was goofy. She knew where to get off the bus, knew how to find the plaza, but then thought she'd take a shortcut, shall we say, to our goal. She purposefully marched me right up to the back door of the store! What comes to the back of the store? Why, shipments of food, dear Watson. So I phoned the store because the door didn't look remotely like a main door. I asked them if they could see me at the back of the store. Not only did they come and find me, but they helped me show Trixie where the front door of the store was, and then helped me find a variety store near by where I could get some stuff I needed. Now that, my friend, is service.


So, many yeas to Ryan's. Why didn't I find them sooner? They're a pet store with people skills and the food I feed the Trixter! I can't lose!

You Folks Sure Are A Hot Crowd

Brothers Ian and Matthew Balderama are currently being held on arson and murder charges forsetting fire to their family home by pouring gas down the basement stairs and lighting a match.

The blaze, which the 2 idiots set as a prank on their cousin, turned into a joke on their father who was apparently drunker than they were and slept through the whole thing...and will now be sleeping through everything else for the rest of time.

"They was drunk and probably couldn't think of anything else to do," said grandmother Virginia. "They wanted to play a prank on him so they poured some gasoline downstairs and lit a match to it."

Good one, kids. Right up there withflooding somebody's house on a dare.

Now grandma Balderama, let me ask you, are you angry?

"Am I angry with them for what they done? Yeah, cause we don't have a home now. We're disgusted really."

Any words about the loss of your son? Tragedy? Horrible accident? Anything like that?

...............

Ok, we'll move on.

What was the payoff to that prank supposed to be? If everything had gone off perfectly, what would have happened? Having never been one to find torching my house and burning my family alive to be particularly amusing, I don't quite get it. Surely I'm missing some comedic gold here. Either humour has passed me bye, or Ian and Matthew Balderama need to take some comedy classes while they're locked up. I'm not sure what the rest of you think, but I happen to believe I'm still pretty funny.

I Had Some Thoughts But I Didn't Use My Brain

Remember the woman who put her kid through a carwash? well, she's gone through the courts, and only got probation. Ok then. this is so she can be with her kids. And we think this is a good idea because....?

But here's the reason she's back up here. She's so stupid that she doesn't even know the definition of the word mistake.
"Do you believe you did something wrong?" asked Channel 9's Kathi Belich.

"No," she responded.

"You still don't think you made a mistake?" asked Belich.

"I made a mistake, but I don't think I did something wrong, I just made a mistake," she said.
Uh, um, let me define mistake for ya, because the word seems too complex for your brain, which must have been pressure-washed a few times in your youth.
an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
If you make an error, you do something wrong. If you did something wrong, unless you knew you were doing something that you shouldn't and you were ok with that, you're making a mistake. But you can't make a mistake and not do something wrong.

Ug this woman is stupid. Why is she still with her kids?

It's Fitting, But I Still Hate Myself

It so pains me to post this, but since people with wacky names is kind of one of those things we do here, here goes.

Congratulations to the winner of this years Nez Perce County Fair hog calling competition,Jolee Bacon.

You probably wonder why that was so hard. Maybe you even think it's amusing. And I suppose it is...until you read the first line of the story, written by a professional reporter and reproduced below in case it ever gets pulled down.

LEWISTON, Idaho -- Jolee Bacon really sizzles when it comes to hog-calling.


I'm sorry for putting you all through that, but at least you understand my horror and shame now.

If anybody's looking for me, I'll be off trying to do better next time.

Greyhound Stabbin' Update

There's an update onthe latest Canadian Greyhound stabbing.According tothis CBC story,this is how the guy found himself on a bus without a police escort.

The man, who had earlier been arrested by the police for disturbing the peace, told Wawa police he needed psychiatric help, Wawa police Sgt. Larry Ross told CBC News.

After the police took him to a hospital, doctors there concluded the man would not be a risk to himself or anyone else, Ross said. As a result, police bought him a ticket to his home in northern Ontario and put him on the bus in Wawa.

"The subject had no transportation and a strong desire to go home, and the Wawa police addressed this need by obtaining a bus ticket via social assistance, which is a normal function for this police service for people who … find themselves transplanted with a lack of money or for whatever reason," Ross said.


I can understand the theory behind using the bus to get people home, but what I don't understand is why doing so doesn't involve first searching every inch of them and the stuff they have with them and then an officer coming along for the ride. Even if a person isn't supposed to be a risk to himself or others, you can't accurately predict human behaviour 100% of the time. There's a lot of room for error when you're dealing with the human mind, but the cost of those errors could be a lot less if there's somebody watching out for them.

The way situations like this should work is pretty simple. Nutcake gets involved with police. Nutcake is determined to not be enough of a nutcake that releasing him into the wild is a poor plan. Police get nutcake a bus ticket. Police rifle through nutcake's ass and all of his worldly possessions to determine if he's got anything dangerous. Officer and nutcake get on bus. Bus goes where it goes. Nutcake and officer get off of bus. Nutcake is then released into the custody of local police, family or an agency that can see to it that his case is handled properly. There's no excuse for doing things any other way. It's not that hard, and the fact that one of the guys from the Vomit Comet had to spell it out for people who should know better should scare the shit out of all of you. Seriously, I should *not* be smarter than people who are paid to be smarter than I am. Please, do better. Lives depend on it.

I've Been Flirtin' On the Railroad

What do you know, yet anotherdeath by train story.

This time, police are looking for the public's help (especially if you belong to the part of the public that has some missing relatives) to identifythe unknown South African couple who were crushed to death while having sex on the tracks.

Anybody know how to say "baby, I feel the earth moving" in African?

Doesn't Everybody Do That?

This is so dumb that I feel it should be posted.

Check out this snip from astory about fights during a college football game.

Police arrested Lucas Widdicombe after someone sitting near him said he had a cup, and “he had urinated in the cup and was going to throw it at Ball State fans.”

The usher supervisor who found Widdicombe said the cup Widdicombe carried did smell like urine, according to the report.

Widdicombe told police he had not urinated in the cup and had no intentions of pouring it on people. Widdicombe said someone had given him a cup of urine while he was in the restroom, and he decided to take it back to his seat to show his friends.


"Hey buddy, look what I've got for you!"

"A present? For me?"

"That's right little fellah, a whole cup of recycled beer, and she's all yours!"

"Gee, thanks, mister! I can't wait to show this to Tommy and Billy!"

I guess we've figured out who it is that the airport security people are talking to when they say don't take strange packages from people you don't know.

And Jesus Christ, that's a lie straight out of an episode of Cops. Even if I was completely hammered out of my tree I bet I would be smart enough to think up a better story, or at least smart enough to confess if I failed. Anything to avoid being known forever as the guy who's fascinated by piss.

That's Not What They Meant By Climb Aboard.

Ok, cue the hatemail from family members of the poor unfortunate dumbass who I'm about to describe. What is it about people who are crushed by trains and their families always finding us?

Here at the Vomit Comet, we love us some man vs train stories. Who do you think wins? Need a refresher? We have the kid who tried to race a train with a skateboard, who acording to people on the comment boards was trying to kill himself. Even so, he raced a train with a skateboard. Then we have the man who was scratching off a lottery ticket on the train tracks while a train was coming up behind him who suffered the ultimate loss. People say he was deaf, but could he not feel the vibrations? Anyway, there's that guy, and our latest post was the story of the barbecued dumbass who just had to climb on top of a parked train because it was there and got a little too close to some hydro wires. Well, I've got one better. This moron, along with his family, decided that it would take too long to wait for a moving train to go by. So, they decided to climb over it to get to where they were going. It was slow, right? So, they should be ok, right? Right? Well, dumbass no. 1 made it. So did dumbass no. 2. But dumbass no. 3, aka Russell Bluecloud, wasn't so lucky.

I'm amazed the first two men made it. I'm also surprised they had successfully done it before, and had been doing it since childhood. Happily, one of them is smart enough to say he'd never do it again. Too bad it took the death of his nephew to realize that, um, it doesn't matter how slow a train is moving. It's a *train*! One false move, and the only movement you'll be making is momentum as you're dragged down the tracks. Next time, just wait for it to go by, ok? You'll get where you're going alive and uninjured.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I'm Wrong

That's not something you'll hear me say very often, but I will when I need to, and today I need to.

A while back Iwrotethat airport style security for busses wouldn't work and was unnecessary. Well, today I would like to officially change that position. Better screening for bus passengers is something we need immediately. I hate saying such a thing, but I see no other way to protect the public from the police and Greyhound employees. Yes, the very people who are supposed to be protecting us.

Details are still pretty sketchy at this point, but what is known is that an unidentified man was stabbed in the chest by another unidentified man on a Greyhound bus traveling through northern Ontario.The victim is expected to survive. The only other thing that's known is that the attacker was placed on the bus by police, who if I'm reading things right, proceeded to not travel with him. I'm not sure how common that is, but it would be nice if it would become less so. And if that's not possible, can we at least search these guys before turning them loose? The police know how to check for weapons, and you'd think they'd want to be extra diligent about it before placing somebody from their custody into a bus full of people who can't exactly run away.

Speaking of running away, that brings me to the driver.

"I heard a shout, someone yelling that someone was having trouble breathing. Then I heard something about a knife," said Daher.

She called 911, then handed the phone to the Greyhound driver.

About the same time, a young man walked up to the front of the bus, blood dripping from his hands.

The man demanded the bus stop and let him off immediately.

The driver – apparently not aware of exactly what had happened – told him they'd be arriving in White River in a few minutes.

The man wasn't satisfied, saying "Just open the doors."

"People at the back were yelling `Don't let him get away,' but the driver stopped and let him off," she said. Police apparently picked him up at the side of the road a short time later.


Ok, I've seen some pretty oblivious drivers in my day including the one who fell asleep in the middle of a conversation with the guy he was training as we drove down the highway, but give me a break here! I can understand not being fully aware of a situation, but a guy with blood on his hands trying to get the hell out of Dodge as people are screaming at you and somebody's handing you a telephone should be ringing a few alarm bells I'd think.

I hope to God that these initial reports are mistaken and that things aren't as bad as they sound right now. If the situation really was this bad or worse, people need to be fired and everybody else needs to be retrained, bus drivers and police forces alike.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

You'll Be Blind, But You'll Be Breathing Like A Champ

A paper published in The Journal of Medical Hypotheses proposes that next time you get hit with a cold, rather than popping pills and slugging medicine like it's going out of style you should insteadtry jerking off on a schedule.

I'm way more curious about this than I should be, and as I type I'm also franticly searching my memory for evidence to either support or debunk this claim. The problem is that when I have a cold I'm generally more focussed on sweating and shivering than I am on tuning up the old pink oboe and banging out a song. So, and I seriously can't believe I'm doing what I'm about to do, has anybody ever noticed this?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Difference of Opinion

So I was just watching the Bronze Medal Game of Wheelchair Rugby from the Paralympics on CBC and it looked to me like there may have been a difference in opinion amongs the team members of what should be considered a success for the team.

Team Canada beat the team from the UK to claim the bronze medal. At the end of the game, all the parapelegics seemed very excited and began to celebrate while the quadrapelegics didn't so much as raise an arm to pump their fist. Go figure. I guess they wanted the Gold.

All in fun. Congratulations to Team Canada.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Some More Unintentional Newspaper Comedy

Police received a report about 12:30 p.m. that a naked man was sitting on a milk crate behind buildings in the 300 block of West Ann Street. Police found the man, who was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles. He had a beer in one hand and was masturbating with the other while leaning over a pornographic magazine, reports said.

The officer arrested the 50-year-old Ypsilanti man for indecent exposure and charges are pending.


The headline this ran under?Police Beat: Undressed, outdoors, man using porn arrested

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Another One Crosses the Victim/Dumbass Bridge In A New Way

I swear criminals are getting dumber. Here's our latest dumbass. His name is Michael Axel, and he was serving as a stockbroker for a bunch of elderly clients. I guess their money looked way too tempting, so he started stealing from them. But where did that money go? Overseas to a Nigerian scammer. Michael Axel, you so totally suck.

CaptainCalamity Strikes Again

Hey there Stuart Hill, I have a big question for you. Why would you want to make an island its own country if you keep needing the coastguard for various rescues whenever you go boating? If something happens to you around your own island, you'll be screwed.

and while we're at it, hey there coastguard spokesman, how does one cling to nothing? You know what they say about inquiring minds...

Waste? I'd Say So.

Here's your random thought for the day. In this age of oil shortages and skyrocketing gas prices - does the idea of NASCAR not seem absolutely retarded? I've always thought it was dumb to watch people turn left for 3 hours and see who could do it 400 times first but, in this context, it seems even stupider. Why not just gather 50,000 people in a stadium to watch us pour 400 barrels of oil down a drain. It'd take a lot less time and we'd accomplish the same thing.

Just saying.

Oops

I'm not sure ifthe beginning of this articlelooks quite so bad to somebody who can see it, but when you look at it with a screen reader like I have to, here's how it starts.

PHILADELPHIA -- A man who produced thousands of images of himself sexually abusing children as young as 3 months old was convicted Wednesday on more than 50 child pornography charges.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Watch Video |
View Images


Seriously, nobody caught that. Just...wow.

I Hope Mel Lastman Wasn't On TheBus

Here's a tourist trip gone horribly wrong. You're happily driving through remote parts of Peru, when wammo! Fifty angry villagers wielding axes and other weapons surround your bus! Apparently they thought the bus contained folks from a mining company, but it took the tour guide 5 hours to convince the locals that, um, they got the wrong bus!

there's a holiday that the tourists wont' forget.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Vancouver Bound

So, we're only about 3 weeks removed from the 2008 Summer Olympics but a quick count on the calendar tells us that we're only about 16 months from the 2010 Vancouver Winter Games. And you know what that means. The country goes ape-shit for 2 weeks over Team Canada hockey.

Yesterday Wayne Gretzky announced that he will not be the man who puts the team together as he was for the 2002 in Salt Lake and 2006 in Torino. I would like to take this chance to throw my name in the hat for that job if anyone from Hockey Canada is reading. Wayne did go on to see that if the General Manager of the 2010 team had interest - Wayne would consider coaching the team but nothing was set in stone.

So it got me to thinking. If the team was going to picked right now - who would be on it? I think there are some people that are "can't misses" and will be there no matter what but there are some young guys that have a chance in the next year and a half to earn their way on. So here is my 2010 Team Canada roster AND line combinations.

Line 1: Dany Heatley, Ryan Getzlaf, Rick Nash
Line 2: Jarome Iginla, Sidney Crosby, Joe Sakic
Line 3: Eric Staal, Joe Thornton, Vincent Lecavalier
Line 4: Ryan Smyth, Mike Richards, Jonathan Toews
Alternates: Simon Gagne, Jason Spezza

Explanation: I know when you see Iginla, Crosby and Sakic on a line you think it should be the number one line. But the line of Nash, Getzlaf and Heatley were dominant and World Championships this spring as a unit. They are all big, they can all score and they are all fast. There was not one set of Defense from a Europena team that could handle their size and toughnexx when they started moving the puck and hitting. That said, the Crosby line is "a" number one line and there's no drop off in talent when you put them out. Many would say Sakic is too old but this is a very very young team and you need leaders. Combine that with Sakic's international experience and the fact that the Games are in his hometown and he's earned his spot if he hasn't retired yet. My 4th line, you may notice, is not full of a lot of talent but all 3 of those guys are battlers and all 3 can kill penalties and block shots or be put out in the last minute. Make no mistake. European referees call a ton of penalties on Canada because we hit more than Europeans are used to so you can't have all skill. Someone has to kill those penalties. On to the D.

Defense: Chris Pronger, Scott Neidermayer
Defense: Brent Burns, Brian Campbell
Defense: Dion Phaneuf, Brent Seakbrooke
Alternate: Mike Greene

You'll notice that other than Pronger and Neidermayer this is a very young defensive core but they have all played for Canada before at either the World Jr's or the World Championships. Almost all of them are big and tough and are used to, both, killing penalties and working the powerplay. Brent Burns is my personal favourite in this group. He doesn't get much attention around the NHL but he does all the little things right - including knock out Russians with their heads down. Neiermayer, to me, is the only question mark as he may retire by then. But I've read that the main reason for him returning last year was to be a part of this team. We shall see. Let's talk goalies.

Goalie: Robert Luongo
Goalie: Martin Brodeur
Goalie: Marty Turco
Alternate: Carey Price

A lot of people will see that the top 2 here are out of order and Marty has earned his spot for one more shot at starting. I disagree. It's time for a changing of the guard. Luongo has been the only reason Vancouver has been even respectable the last few years - let alone good. Marty is not a bad goaltender at this point but the fact that he plays over 70 games a year is starting to catch up with him. I have Price as an alternate because I don't feel he'll be ready for this kind of pressure but he is definitely the next guy for Canada and should be there to get the experience.

So what do you think? The great thing about talking about Olympic Teams in Canada is no one will ever agree. We have so many great players and someone's favourite will always be left out.

Let it not be forgotten that, unlike most Olympics, this will be played on smaller NHL sized ice and not the stupid, oversized Europena ice. For this reson it is important to have a big physica team that can shut down European systems that will not be used to the smaller ice surfaces. Sure, most of these guys are from the NHL and know the ice surface but their International teams and programs run game plans that function on bigger ice surfaces. You force them to change instead of us, this time, and you make it even more uncomfortable by driving their heads through the glass at the same time with a 6 foot 5 monster from Red Deere.

Thoughts? Maybe you have your own line-up that you'd like to post in the comments or e-mail me. Let's argue!

Big Brother Is Picking Up After Fido

Yikes. This plan belongs in the UK, but it isn't. It's in Israel. Here's another reason not to go there. They want your dog's DNA so they can check if you've been putting their doodoos in the trash can. Here's the stupid part. They're even going to check doodoos that were put in the trash can so they can send rewards to the dogs' owners. Now wouldn't you love that job? Going through bags of dog poop that have already been disposed of?

Then they say a secondary reason is to help research genetic diseases in dogs. Riiight. I doubt any of that is going on. There's something disturbing about this sentence. "The sky is the limit on how far we can take this." Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. How about we take this plan to the ground? That would be better. but somehow, I doubt that's happening anytime soon.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I Survived the GDB Reunion Whirlwind!

Well, I'm home. My god, I didn't know I could sleep as much as I did, but I sure can. I got home yesterday morning at around 9, stayed up for a little while, keeled over for a nap, took Trix out to pee, came back up, slept some more, got up, fed her, took her out, ate some stuff, checked some email, napped some more, then took her out for final potty duty, and then was down for the count for the rest of the night. Apparently, when Steve looked at me once, I was face-down in my pillow. I didn't even have my head on its side. I was just laying straight down. I never do that.

so here's my reunion weekend in a nutshell. It's a long sucka. Hopefully people won't be too bored. First off, there were some things I learned about this adventure. I really should have come a day earlier, and I should have coordinated with people from my area so we could all arrive a day early. Those are two things I need to do for next time so it's not so friggin chaotic. It's never good to arrive tired in a strange place when all 74 other dogs that are going to be there have already arrived. will you be an effective team leader? Hell no! Will your dog behave? Hell no! Will you be able to handle her behaviour? You'll try, but my money's on hell no! You'll be so frazzled you certainly won't be as effective as you could be.

On Friday morning, I dragged my bedraggled butt out of bed at 4 in the morning and got ready to go downstairs and meet the car that would take me to the airport. It was there, right on time, and the driver heaved the two bags I packed, one full of Trixie gear, one full of my gear in the big old van. I'm such a loser, having a dog suitcase. Trixie and I got in and we were off. The driver and fellow passengers weren't much for conversation, so I just sort of lounged until we got to the airport. the driver took me to an agent, and they took over. the Hot Potato game had started, I was the hot potato.

It's a miracle that I'd saved the directions to the hotel in my cellphone because I forgot that Customs always wants to know the street address of where you're going, and I certainly hadn't memorized it. I had for GDB training, but I'd forgotten for this one, so I just handed them my cell phone and said "I'm going to that place."

I had another lesson about never knowing who you're talking to, until it was too late. I sat down in my nice Bulkhead seat and there was one open beside me to give pooch and I lots of room. In the window seat was a nice woman and we got talking about all manner of things. She made me pretty comfortable, so I joked that I made a point to not watch Mayday before flying because it's a bad thing to watch before going on a plane. She got very insistent that it was something you should never watch and air travel was the safest way to travel. It eventually came out that she was the wife of the pilot that was flying our plane. How often do you end up flying beside the pilot's wife?

Poor Trixter had a mildly frightening flight from Toronto to Vancouver. As we were flying, Trixie sat bolt upright and started trembling like mad. I'd never seen her do that before, so I started to wonder if we were flying through some not so pleasant weather. Sure as shootin', a couple of minutes later, we had turbulence. Then, before the turbulence had passed completely, Trixie calmed down again and lay down. My poor little canine barometer.

the funniest thing she did on that plane was try and make her self comfortable. While doing so, she stuck her nose under the curtain that separated us from first class and started sniffing. Oh, so you think you should be in there, do you, Trixter? We did get bumped there once, but that was a fluke.

We arrived in Vancouver, and got treated like royalty. We even ran into a lady who used to raise for GDB before she moved to Canada. We got to ride in a golf cart thingamabob, and I wasn't even injured like the last time we rode in one! Wooo! Bonus, baby, bonus! One of the people who escorted us around said confidently, "I know where you're going. You're going to a guide dog alumni reunion. Some other people were flying there yesterday." Ding ding ding. Get the woman a prize!

As we made our way to the dash 8 we had to ride, Trixie got uber excited about someone...someone with a guide dog perhaps? that would be affirmative. I never saw him again though.

There was one big thing of note about this Air Canada Jazz plane. Remember how Air Canada Jazz wasn't going to carry life vests? Well, they're still carrying food, and for free! Hmmm. I appreciated the food, but if we were going to crash, I'd rather have paid for the food and had the lifejacket available.

I landed in Portland, and a confused woman took me down to baggage claim because I said I would be meeting another girl with a guide dog there. But lucky for the other girl, she'd gotten there early and was already at the hotel. I checked my messages and got the scoop. So, since my suitcases were kind of clumsy, there was no way I was going to take the light rail thingy alone. I found a shuttle driven by a less than stellor man. We'll get there later. I don't know what service it was called, because he always said it too fast. Anyway, just as we left the airport, he insisted that I would need to be picked up at the Doubletree Hotel at 1:30 on Sunday for my 6:30 flight because traffic was really bad. I was too tired and confused, and stupidly, *slaps head vigorously*, said "ok, if you think that's what I need to do..." Never ever ever do that, guys! Learn from my mistake. Then again, probably noone else would be that bone stupid. We'll get to that later.

So I get to the hotel, and stumble in like a lost sheep. Baaa! I get my key, and go up to the room, and my room-mates were already there, happily checked in. One of them was Autumn who was my room-mate from when I trained. the other one was a friend of hers, and she's now a friend of mine. She has a pretty cool dog, who I swear is Trixie's long-lost sister. they're both really sloppy eaters, they both do similar routines after eating, and they're both black labbies. Hers is much more dominant than mine, that's for sure.

My room-mates graciously showed me where the dog-relieving zone was. Now, let me explain the dog-relieving zone, because it needs to be explained. they set up a part of the parking garage to contain several large boxes filled with shavings. think of an enormous cat litter box. In theory, our dogs are all supposed to get in the box and do their thing and we all scoop. If we miss any, they had staff who were checking every so often.

Now, GDB had thought of everything, including making the way to the boxes really easy. You went out the hotel main door, and made a right. You walked until you hit a rug. You made a left there and crossed a driveway. You knew you were good when you hit another rug! Then you went straight until you hit, what? A rug? Yeah! you made a right and the boxes were ahead. Then they had music over at the trash cans. How friggin cream of cool is that?

My dog did not think the boxes were anything remotely close to cool. After a few visits, I would say "right," and she would say "Yeah right!" If she was feeling generous, she would pee in the boxes, and then fire herself out of there as if propelled by a rocket. Apologies to the folks who were assigned the fun of hosing down the area around the boxes. My dog was one of the ones who did the bulk of her business *outside* the box. No poop ever went inside the litter box. I think I could hear her voice saying, "What do you think I am, a cat?"

So anyway, I got all registered, and got a backpack full of goodies, complete with a program. Cool beans. That backpack came in handy for carting gift shop loot. I got an orientation to the lobby, which was awesome if my fog-laiden brain could take any of it in. Score another one for having more time to adjust. Trixie got perfectly oriented to the essentials, like where to sleep, where to poop, and where to meet the pack, aka the elevators.

This was a pretty stressful time for me and the Trixter. She wanted to sniff every frickin dog butt that was in snarfing range, and if they weren't, she would seek them out. this meant she was not thinking like a guide dog. She wore her gental leader, got a few high collars, and I knew the trainers were watching, so I was wondering what they were thinking of my inadequacies. Thankfully, a lot of other dogs were going nuts too.

After I was semi-oriented, we went down to the little wine and cheese reception. That was cool, and I nibbled a lot of goodies. I was hungry. too much flying. They had us guess some dogs' names and stuff who were there, and basically gave us a little welcome.

Somewhere in there, I harassed the gift shop ladies so I could ask them what they had, bought some stuff, and checked out the Victor Reader Stream demonstration. The Victor Reader Stream is basically a suped up mp3-player. Well, it can do more than that. Ah, this should explain it. Anyway, they were offering them at a pretty sweet rate, like half price, so I was very interested.

After that was over, I knew there wasn't much time before a bunch of us from an email list that I am on were going to meet up to go eat. I attempted to find the relieving box, or the box as we called it by the end. People in the hotel who weren't part of our group must have thought we were pretty weird because we would say to each other, "So, are you off to the box? I have to take Trixie to the box." They'd be like "box? What the hell kind of collection of weirdos are these?"

In my quest for the box, I made our little dinner-gathering late, oops, sorry guys. After a little discussion, we went to Applebees. I thought at least one of us would have had some form of GPS. In fact, I was banking on it. But all we got were some directions, followed them, and miraculously arrived! Then we had the fun of cramming 6 dogs under a table! someone took a picture of the heaps of dogs. I wish I had it. I think we scared the staff for a second, but they were way cool after they took a deep breath.

After we left Applebees, well...we sorta got split unintentionally into two groups. There was the group who got home without help and then there was the group I was in. I was no help. I just wandered like a lost sheep, baaa. But a dude helped us get back to the hotel, so it was all good.

I wish I could apologize to the desk dude. Ya see, I'd ordered a roll-away bed since I was sharing a room with two girls and the room just has two double beds in it. I'm not that cosy with either girl, so I wanted my own bed. I saw it was not there earlier so I asked for it. When I got back from applebees, it was really late, and it still wasn't there. When I called the desk to ask where it was, they said they had no record of me asking for it. I waited a bit longer, probably not long enough, and then called again. Forgive me, but I'd almost been up for 24 hours! I wanted a place to flop! After the second call, a dude brought it to me. Really, I'm not a demanding bitch. But after traveling for this long, I sorta didn't want to wait too too much longer for a bed.

Dogs and humans flopped down and were not awake until we had to be. Well that's not true. My little hungry labby was up at 4:00 a.m. why 4? Because 4 Pacific is 7 eastern, which would have been the right time for her to eat. She was over at my bed trying to wake me, then she thought she'd enlist the
help of my room-mates' dogs. Oh boy did they all get told to settle down.

We got up, got ready, and had a yummy breakfast. We heard some speeches, and a moving tribute to Michael Osborn. For those who don't know, Michael Osborn had to do a lot of work to get permission for dogs to ride in the cabins of aircraft on long hall flights. I guess they thought the dogs would wizzle all over the cabin, so made them fly in cargo. After a lot of convincing and debating, he did it, and then not long after, he passed away. I didn't even get to know the guy and my eyes were all teary. Then we loaded up and headed to the Boring, Oregon campus.

The weather was beautiful and we all sat outside and ate some lunches. Unfortunately, I managed to get stung by a bee. There's nothing like wincing in pain during a speech when you just want to go ow oo ee! Michele Pouliot, *chekcs spelling*, did a whole speech on how much training
has changed over the years. Yeesh! I'm glad I didn't get a dog back then. She showed this clip where a dog missed a pretty big down curb, and the instructor completely ignored it. the attitude was "dogs don't make mistakes, their handlers do." She showed this other clip where the students were about to receive their dogs. The instructor said in a very flat voice, "Today you meet your new companion. She doesn't know that her life is going to change. If she could talk, she would probably say she showed no interest whatsoever in meeting you." Isn't that a wonderful way to start dog day? I'm glad they don't say that anymore. Hell, I'm glad we make dogs who blow curbs rework them! I still snicker when I think about that clip narated by Bing
Crosby. It showed this instructor telling the dog to go ahead, and then he either smacks his nose on something or falls down some steps or something, and you hear him say "no! no!" and then Bing Crosby starts up and says something about "It takes a strong man to train a guide dog..." Yeah, a strong man, now that the instructors are mostly women. But apparently, back then, not too many women were allowed to be instructors. Michele was only the second at GDB. That woman had a lot of guts.

Then we all split up and went on tours. The tour was ok, but I guess I was hoping we could walk the trail, since that was one of the distinguishing features of the Oregon campus. Having never been there, I wanted to see it. But all we saw was the dorm, the vet clinic, the kennels, but not the part where the dogs were, the bathing area, the place where they got the food ready for all the puppies, and then we were at the visitors' area.

I could have shot our tour guide. I'm sure she's a fine volunteer, fine enough to win an award, which she did later, but good lord, woman, know your audience! She had the audacity to stand before us and say things like "You may wonder why blind people would want to watch TV since they can't see it, but they enjoy it as much as you and I!" or "You may not know this, but once a dog is in class, it is the handler's responsibility to do everything for it. It is with them 24-7." Yeah, we should know this. We, um, have guide dogs. We all have been through it! I was this close to putting up my hand and saying, "tell me something I don't know, please." I mean, we came on this tour, didn't get to see the trail, and then got told all this stuff that we already know. Arg! but that was the biggest arg about the whole trip, so I guess they were doing pretty well.

The funniest thing that happened was as we were standing somewhere, I heard someone speaking and suddenly heard, "Carin Headrick." Huh? Who's that and how do they know me? Duh, moron, you're wearing a freaking name tag. After I asked, the guy said he was the husband of a lady that was on my same email list. Sweet! So I met the lady and we talked for a bit, but not too long. After the tour, we picked up our gift shop loot, and my Stream. Believe me, all this talk of the Stream becomes important.

I sat down, and ran into another lady from the list. That was cool. As we were sitting there, they made the draw for the three lucky people who were going to get Streams! Ya wanna know what? All 3 are on the list! they called out the name of a lady far away, then the lady across the table, and then they said, "I don't know if she's here, but...Carin Headrick?" They found out pretty quick I was there. I won a Stream! How cool is that? I'd been joking about how maybe I shouldn't buy one because I'll win, but I was just joking! I had no idea! So yea woo, they
refunded my money, and home I came with a Stream.

Not only did I come home with a stream, but they sent us home with 1.5 gigs of stuf on a 2-gig card. It has all the lectures, a whole crapload of stuff that Michael Osborn put together about traveling abroad with woof, and the Mike May story "Crashing Through"! I've been meaning to read the book, now I have no excuse. Oh yeah, Mike May was there! I guess he should have been, since his company was one of the sponsors. I can hear it. "Who the hell is Mike May?" He's the president of the Sendero group who have designed a bunch of talking GPS stuff, but he's done a lot of cool stuff and done a lot of cool speeches. I think they're going to turn "Crashing Through" into a movie, so watch out. My instructor who teaches me routes and stuff is going to be mad, because she said to me, "If you get a chance to talk to him, do." Well, I stood right near him, but not a sound would exit my mouth. Yup, I suck. I guess I have the cat's got your tongue when someone famous is around syndrome.

So, after all that jazz finished up, we loaded onto the bus, and Mike May got on our bus and showed off his GPS stuff. My only beef with that, which can't be helped, is we had no point of reference to know how accurate it is. For example, it's telling me we're passing bus stop x. We don't know if bus stop x was right there, or a zillion meters ahead. but, that can't be helped. We're all strangers in this foreign land. Somebody needed to go to the john, so another guy yells, "Hey Mike, where does the GPS say the nearest john is?"

we got back, and got ready for the banquet, and let the dogs play a little. That was the first time I saw Trixie's hackles raise. Oh dear, oh dear. She's a very submissive dog, and the other two dogs knew each other, and I guess she found their style of play threatening. I put my hand on her once and I felt a low rumble. Uh, Trixie, was that a growl? then I slid my hand down, and instead of having short, coarse fur, it was all fluffy and puffy! Oh my. I brought her away from the action, told her to sit and petted her for a while in hopes of calming her down. bye-bye hackles. I saw them reappear once again that weekend. My poor baby, scared by other labbies who weren't even playing directly with her.

The banquet was cool. Morgan Watkins, one of the board member dudes, got up and did a speech that made me laugh really hard. Never tell airport security guards who don't know if your baggies of dog food are drugs to "try it. If you don't get a buzz, it's dog food!" I laughed so unbelievably hard, but I don't think he was laughing that day. All day the next day I was thinking about that, since of course, I had baggies of dog food and was about to fly. Some people won some pretty cool awards. My room-mates were teasing me since I seemed to know a lot of people. Then I didn't know one guy who won an award who happened to be Canadian. Autumn says to me, "So you know a bunch of people from the states, and he's Canadian and you don't know him? What's wrong with you?" So that became the running joke.

I thought the funniest thing was when the head vet won his award, Trixie stood up. She was trying to give him a standing ovation! I thought that was hilarious!

Then the dance started. Here's something dumb, for two reasons. It's a dance, and most of us have dogs. If we want to dance, we have to get other people to hold our dogs. I guess that's ok, unless a lot of people want to dance. But the dumber thing was the fact that they dimmed the lights. Hellooo! A lot of us have some vision, and function less well under shitty lighting. I was surprised they didn't think of that.

I didn't stay long because I'm not much of a dancer, but I figured out Trixie liked "Twist and Shout" and "great balls of Fire." Before leaving for this trip, a friend of mine joked that they would play "Who Let the Dogs Out" at the dance. I said "na, they won't." They did! In the name of Juno, it was played!

We went back to the room with full intentions of heading for the hospitality suite, this room stocked with drinks and snakcs and it had chairs and stuf. . Our bodies had other plans. We all fell asleep for a while. We showed up late, and sadly the place was pretty empty. It was fun anyway.

Sunday, woops, we overslept, sleeping through an obnoxious cellphone alarm, and missed breakfast. That's how I know Trixie doesn't know what time it is. I was late for the first workshop, damn damn damn, and then went to the head vet's first-aid workshop. that was cool. I like picking up tidbits. Then we found lunch, and I saw some of the exhibits, including the coolest braille display ever. It senses where your hand is and refreshes automatically. It's cooler than cool. I also saw a braille display meant to be used with a cellphone. It's bigger than the phone, but it has a phone-holder on it. I managed to run into some more folk from the email list. It's nice to put voices to messages. I wish I could have met more of them.

Anyway, as I was walking around exhibits, my cellphone rang. It was the less than stellor shuttle guy. I tried to cancel with him, and say "just go ahead with the other lady you were picking up." He would have none of it. He said he would be back for me in an hour. I asked him to come back in a couple hours, but he said no, he'd come in an hour and charge me extra to boot! *slaps self vigorously again for what I didd after this point* I said ok, because I felt sort of trapped. But I was planning to find another service. This guy just wasn't treating me right.

I went upstairs and got my bags and brought them down so I could check out. I ran into one of the ladies that I had dinner with on Friday and we were talking. She was giving me the number of the shuttle she had, and then I discovered that another guy and his wife were on my same flight! Bonus! I'd go with them!

I was about to call the other guy and cancel him, but my cell phone was frozen. As I unfroze it, the shuttle guy was there. He slapped me on the shoulder and said it was time to go. I told him I'm sorry, but I was going with someone else. Hooo! This man knows how to make a scene. He started saying no I was coming with him, he came all the way to get me, and I had to go with him. I said I agreed to go early because he gave me no other option. He started screaming"Who is going to pay for the trip. You find me someone! who is going to pay for the trip. All the gas, who's going to pay!" Everybody ralleyed around me, bless everybody, but he wouldn't go away. We must have looked pretty upset.

I would like to kiss the hotel concierge. He came over, said "what is the problem?" He told him he understood he was upset, but I'd changed my mind and he couldn't harass me. Less than stellor shuttle man still wouldn't leave, so I skittered away as fast as my suitcases would allow and left him jibbering to the concierge. He was still there 10 minutes later! Dude, by now, you could have picked up someone else!

So, the dude who was going on my flight, his wife, a puppy raiser and I took the light rail to the airport. That was the wierdest pickup spot ever. We crossed one street, we turned and went to cross another, and wammo! We were on a platform and a train was coming! What the hel! I'm just glad I wasn't alone. Guelph doesn't have subways, so I was a bit nervous.

We got on and got off at the airport. the damn thing tried to close on me, even though it was the last stop! What's up with that? We got to the airport, and met the stupidest folks ever to walk this earth. Actually no, the security folks Morgan Watkins described in his speech were the stupidest folks ever to walk this earth. These were a touch up from that. There was no special needs help desk, or so they said, and they kept calling our guide dogs pets. Pets? seethe seethe seethe. They didn't want to help us, I think because the other dude's sighted wife was there. They were like "What do you need, a wheelchair?" The dude was as calm as calm could be. He was funny. He got someone for him, and someone for me, but when we got to airports where we were being treated nicely, we just got one person to help me, while his wife helped him. I think he asked for a little more because they were being such baffoons. But that's just my theory. I could be all wet, which I probably am. A dude walked me through a revolving door without warning me, and even when I asked him not to. I was not very nice to him. But he was acting as if I was speaking in tongues! he got better near the end, though.

We got on our plane, and got to Vancouver. Again, they treated us like royalty. I wish I had a picture of the dude and I and our dogs in a cart. It was beautiful. I think his dog fell in love with mine. We both told the Vancouver people how wonderful they were. They couldn't figure out why we were so impressed. Well, after the dopes we met at Portland that day, we were thankful multiplied by 10. Plus, the Vancouver people just plain rock.

We got on the plane, and it was full! I was in a seat with two other ladies who weren't sure what to make of my dog. They were speaking Cantonese, and the dude who I came with, who also speaks Cantonese, heard them, leaned over, and said something to them which I'll never know what it was. But they calmed down and didn't seem so jittery about my dog. Thank you, Dude! I don't know what you said, but thank you!

The rest was pretty mundane. We got off, got our bags, I got picked up by the service I'd reserved, we came home, bla bla bla. the only way cool thing was I was relieved to find out the service I had reserved understands it takes a while to wait for bags, so they waited until Ground Transportation told them I was there before they came looking for me. They didn't leave without me! After that scary shuttle guy, I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be marooned in Toronto in the early Monday morning hours.

So that was my reunion experience in a nutshell. It was cool. Hope folks enjoyed reading my goofy ramblings.

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