3-2! Canada Wins Gold!

Wow, we did it! Not sure what to say! Great game from Team Canada, even though they decided to make things interesting by giving up the tying goal with only 24.4 seconds left in the third period, sending it to overtime. they played a beautiful defensive game, and full credit to the Americans as well, they also played a great one.

And man, what a storybook ending if ever I saw one. I was thinking through much of the tournament that I expected more from Sidney Crosby, a sentiment that was also expressed by the commentators during the game today. But guess who scored the OT winner for Canada. Yes, the very same Sidney Crosby who had been without a point through the previous 3 games! Congratulations Sidney, and congratulations Canada!

With the win, we become the most golden (goldenest?) country in the history of the Winter Olympics! Be proud Canada, this is an awesome day!

The Time Has Come

Today's the day! Today it's Team Canada vs. Team USA one more time, everything on the line!

I wish I could say that this one would be a cakewalk for the Canadians, but Team USA is better than I thought and after the way that Canada had to hang on for dear life to pull out the win over Slovakia on Friday night, I'm not convinced. The Canadians didn't show up for the third period and the Slovaks took advantage of it, almost beating us. I was glad that game ended when it did because they were getting some great chances, and had they had a couple more minutes I'm sure we would have been looking at overtime and perhaps a much different result. Our guys have to be way better than that, because that kind of half assed...I hate to use the word effort because that's really not what it was just ain't gonna get it done.

The game is only about 3 hours away, so I hope you've got or are getting your beverages of choice prepared. I'm all stocked up and ready to go, so all I need to do is wait and hope that I'm drinking to celebrate and not to drown my sorrows at the end of the day.

And on another cool Olympic note, we've been seriously cleaning up in the medals the last few days. We're up to 25, which puts us in a pretty solid 3rd place behind only Germany 29 and the United States 36. And of those 25 medals, 13 are gold (hopefully 14 after today), which ties the record for most gold medals won by any country during the Winter Games. Nice work, Canada! Our officials might be whining about not owning the podium, but fuck those guys, that's something to be proud of. The only thing that could make things any better would be to break that record this afternoon at the expense of our friends to the south.

Go Canada Go!

Riding The Bus With My Sister

I ended up watching the movie "Riding the Bus with My Sister" because I heard that people either love it or hate it. I'd say I do a little bit of both.

The movie is apparently based on a book by the same name, written by Rachel Simon. I want to find this book, because I think it would be a good read. In the movie at least, it's all about what happens when the father of a mentally challenged woman dies, and the one left to step up is her sister. Beth has lived independently, but with a lot of help from her dad, so now they have to figure out new ways to do stuff. In spending the time with Beth, who does a lot of cruising around on city buses, Rachel learns a lot about her sister that she hadn't really stopped to think about.

I couldn't stop laughing at the way Beth Simon was portrayed. I have met people like that. I kept thinking of a particular girl that my mom had worked with. Someone came into the classroom and asked where the teacher went. Mom said she thought she'd gone to get some air, but the girl was there and piped up, "She's gone for a smoke!" That's what this girl reminded me of. I also thought it was kind of cute how they showed Beth carrying a little bag of her precious belongings. That's so like another girl I knew. You didn't touch that bag of stuff, nor did you separate her from it. There were so many things about her that made me laugh and reminded me of kids I'd known.

The stuff I didn't like had more to do with holes in the plot of the movie. I think they tried to cram in way too much way too fast. For example, all through the movie, there were flashbacks. You saw that the dad left the mom and the kids, and you saw the guys the mom would go out with. At the end, you saw her living with a real pig who Rachel says is an ex-convict. Then there was one scene that showed Rachel and her brother taking their stuff and going with their dad. They keep saying they'll be back for Beth, but we never see any more flashbacks after that. Did they ever come back for her? Or did they leave her to live with mom and the creep? What happened with that? If they left her, why was her dad so involved later? Was it out of guilt?

Another giant hole shows up at the end. Beth really hasn't changed over the months that Rachel spent with her. She still has a broken stove, can't cook, drinks coke and throws gummy fishes in it, but Rachel just leaves, and there's no mention of supports. Um, the whole reason Rachel came to stay with her was to find replacement supports for those her dad had provided, "get her on her feet." I don't think she did. How can she just leave her like that?

There was one scene that left me utterly conflicted. Her sister and her dad convinced Beth that she needed to get her tubes tied so she wouldn't have babies. But at the last second, she said "I've changed my mind." They put her out anyway.

When you look at that on the surface, you think that's horrible. But honestly, seeing her through the movie, if she needed her appendix out, if she was scared enough, she'd say she changed her mind. I had a hard time getting utterly upset that they did do it. She wouldn't remember to take the pill, and what the hell would she have done if she had a baby? If she didn't live alone eating gummy fishes, wearing mismatched shoes and not seeming to do much caring for herself without help, I'd totally be saying without reservations that what was done was horrible. But after seeing how she lived, I really couldn't get all upset about it.

The movie did make me want to read the book. But darn it all, it doesn't appear to be in audio. Booo! Has anybody read it? What did you think? I hope I can find a copy somewhere.

I Own More Lizards Music

You know what I said about needing more Austin Lounge Lizards? Well, I went out and got another album.

They've changed something with their embedded player since I had first gone there, and now I can't click any buttons to stop the music. Grrr! But it meant that I heard this one song over, and over, and over again. I decided I needed to have that song, which meant I needed the album it was on. It was called "Small Minds." It arrived yesterday. I don't think it's as good as the other two I have, but they can't all be winners I guess. Even so, there were some funny songs on here. And other songs that didn't strike me as funny struck me as songs that I would find funny if I knew some kind of inside scoop that I was missing. Let's go.

Shallow End of the Gene Pool
The fiddle at the beginning made me dizzy. I'm glad they stopped doing that, otherwise I think I would have felt totally nuts. This song is kinda funny. It's just all about this guy who thinks he's at the shallow end of the gene pool and that's why his life sucks. I love what they did at the end. I would have never thought that this song would remind me of Ode to Billie Joe, but it sure does now. I had to chuckle at the fact that he says when they try to get his EEG waves, he wasn't even on the graph," but then uses words like encumbered.

Half a Man
Har har har, this song is corny. He literally is half a man, driving his 9 wheeler, wanting to stand on his own one foot. Har har har chuckle. I did laugh a bit harder when he said that Rush Limbaugh made lots of sense if you're a man with half a brain.

Old Blevins
Behold the song that made me go buy this album. For some reason I thought the description of a drunk old man who wouldn't stop talking was pretty funny. I think we've all seen one or two of these. "And he said bla, bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla, them crazy hippies, bla bla bla, bla, no effect on me..." You get the idea. I keep joking that whenever I email them about their embedded player, they'll think of me as old Blevins. "and she says bla, bla bla bla, bla bla, bla bla, embedded player, bla bla bla, bla, can't shut off the tunes, and she says bla, bla bla bla, bla bla, bla bla, my screen-reader, bla bla bla...is what that blink said to me." It must kinda seem like that sometimes.

Big Tex's Girl
Is there a story here? Do any Texans read? Is there a girl who sits out by the Big Tex statue and just sits there throughout the whole state fair? I just feel like I'm missing something.

Do Not Go to Tennessee
This song sounds like it should end badly for this guy, it sounds like he should be singin' the blues. But it's the exact opposite. It's a song all about this guy being an overnight success in Nashville and getting rich, but the tune is all blues.

Truckload of Art
This song made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh...and I can't really say why. It's done in the style of one of those old country music story-telling songs, and it's all about a truck full of art getting into an accident and burning. I can't explain why making fun of art in the style of an old country song is so hilarious, but to Steve and I at least, it is.

Gingrich the Newt
And this, by far, was the best song on the album. These folks really hate Newt Gingrich. I mean, look at some of these lines.

What kind of newt, wears a suit, and a tie, and frightens small children, when he rushes by?
But, we admit, that a suit, suits him good.
Much more discrete, than a sheet, and a hood.

Wow!

Irving
Not much to this, except they keep you guessing. "Are they talking about Irving the man, or Irving the place?"

Life is Hard, but Life is Hardest When You're Dumb
Yeah, I think the inhabitants of the "that was dumb" tag would agree. God these guys are harsh to dumb folks, but I think most of the people they're talking about deserve it.

Bonfire Of The Inanities
Hmmm. Should I laugh? Be afraid? I'm not really sure. It's all about how in the universe, we're nothing, "we're insignificant, baby." Hmmm. Creepy.

Mourning Edition
I'm really not sure about this one. Something about the economy, and a guy watching the headlines about stocks and stuff, and being bored with his life, and not liking to wake up to Bob Edwards in the morning. Hmmm. Maybe when Steve rips this and gets to hear it, he'll get it more than I will.

Teenage Immigrant Welfare Mothers on Drugs
It's funny, and a pretty basic premise. When things are looking kind of sucky, people want someone to blame, so why not teenage immigrant welfare mothers on drugs? I love the guy panning back and forth yelling things like "They're too lazy to work, they're stealing our jobs, speaking espanole..." You get the idea.

Father of a Honky Tonk Girl
Meh. Not the best way to end an album. Something about a guy being sad because his daughter's singing in bars, or something. And what the hell's with the horse at the end?

So, I wasn't as thrilled with this album as the others, but it had its share of good stuff. I'll still be buying more, have no fear.

Next Time, Just Use The Cane To Lean On

The part of this article about Toni Price has me asking more questions than finding answers. The story goes that Toni Price was upset that her kid had been spat at while at school. So, her solution was to drink a 40-ouncer of colt 45 and head to her daughter's elementary school armed with a blade inside a walking cane. When she got there, she grabbed some woman by the arm and said she was going to cut her.

So, did the woman spit at the kid? Why would she do that? Or was Price just so drunk that she grabbed the first person she saw? Isn't this a bit over the top in response to her kid being spat at?

I'm glad the woman could calm her down before anything really crazy could happen. But I guess sucking back a 40-ouncer of booze and heading to an elementary school for a showdown is pretty crazy.

That's Not A Decimal System...

I have a feeling this little incident will scar some children and adults alike.

The 58-year-old employee told police she was working in the Ypsilanti District Library in the 200 block of West Michigan Avenue at 10:30 a.m. and assisted a man in making book selections.

She returned to her desk and looked up to see the man step out from behind a bookcase, completely naked, a police press release said. The man "thrust his hips in the direction" of the woman, but didn't make any other movements toward her, the release said.

The employee went upstairs and called police. By the time officers got there, the man had fled through an emergency exit, taking his clothes and the children's books with him, the release said.

Um, eek. And police still haven't found this fellow. I hope they do. It takes a disturbed man to do something like that.

This Is Good, Now Let's Talk About Those Ski Jumpers

Wonders never cease, I agree with Dick Pound on something.

That something happens to be the ridiculous non-issue that isour women's hockey team celebrating their gold medal win by cracking a few beers on the ice after the fans had left.

IOC member Dick Pound of Montreal handed out the medals to Team Canada, and told CBC News that he had no problem with the women celebrating.

"I don't," Pound told Peter Mansbridge on Friday. "First of all, I had a wonderful time presenting the medals — been fourth time I've done it … there's no Canadian hockey player that hasn't got her medal from me.

"I think it's kind of like killing a mouse with an elephant gun. These kids have worked like dogs for years and months, and the pressure is off. They had a huge game and a great win. Hey, let them have some fun."

He's right, who cares? As long as they didn't trash the place, what does it matter?

And seriously Canada, apologizing for causing possible embarrassment to the IOC? Somebody hasn't been paying attention. That organization is embarrassment enough to itself, a few drinks and cigars finding their way onto the ice is several steps up from pretty much anything you could dig up on those people.

His Need For A Divorce Hit Him On The Head Like A Hammer

And here I thought that dude who lured his wife out to the garage to show her a halloween display and then tried to hang her was pretty creepy. Now, Amy Ricks did something even creepier! She blindfolded her husband, saying she had a surprise for him. She took him to the basement of her parents' holiday condo, and then spun him around and told him to count to 100. Then, she started wacking him with a hammer! He got the blindfold off and saw a knife in a bag, and sleeping bags had been spread under his feet. What the?

I don't think she'll be able to say it was insanity or sudden rage. She definitely had a plan. And why the hell were they trying to pull up her husband's mental health records? He's the victim! Shouldn't we be worried about her mental health status? That's as bad as all those rape cases where they brought up the victim's sexual history.

My advice to you, Joel Ricks. Get out while the gettin''s good.

While You Were Anesthetized...

Here's a scary little tidbit that I think every Canadian woman should know. If you must undergo routine surgery at a teaching hospital, as it currently stands, after they're done, Obstetrics and Gynecology students can parade in and perform pelvic exams on you while you are still asleep, and they can do it without your consent. Apparently, they think consent is implicit. In the United States and Britain, one must agree to have trainees do this, but not up here in Canada.

I said pardon? I know students have to learn somewhere, but I'd like to be given the choice and the right to say yes or no. It scares the fuck out of me that after they finished giving me that colonoscopy years ago, if I had been at a teaching hospital, they could have done who knows what to me.

What is wrong with Sara Wainberg? How could she have done this to patients and not thought it was wrong? Med school really teaches doctors to look at us as a series of parts, doesn't it? Thankfully, her brother still had a shred of humanity left in him and made her think about it.

She has done a study, and you know what? over half of women would say yes if asked. That's the point. It's not that trainees are doing it, it's that we're not given the right to say yes or no. I do have to laugh that some of the women surveyed would only say yes if the student is female. And then we wonder why some male gynecologists suck at giving a pelvic exam.

Here's a question for anyone who may know. Are similar things done to men? After a man has routine surgery, do trainees practice doing prostate exams on him while he's still under? If so, that's just as wrong. If not, then that makes the practice of examining women under anesthesia without their consent even worse.

And here's another thought. How is performing pelvic exams on someone while they are sedated training doctors at all about how to do it without causing pain? She can't very well say "Ouch!" if she's sleeping. This is bullshit. I would rather have given consent and have been awake to allow someone to train properly and give feedback. Interns are a fact of life, especially at a *teaching* hospital, but in no way should they do things to me without me giving my consent.

Eek! I hope that if I ever need surgery at a teaching hospital, they have changed this practice.

How To Report The News

This really is every television news report ever made.Charlie Brooker - How To Report The News

Yeah Baby...Put It On!

Wow, what a whole lot of needless and ultimately fruitless effort went intothis.

Police were told the man, 27, entered the Lusty Lady through the front door backwards and entered stall No. 7. Police said he climbed through the ceiling panels and onto the glass ceiling above the dance floor.

A stripper "was startled when (the man's) legs came crashing through the glass panel ceiling above her," according to the police report. "She stated before the subject fell through she had heard what she thought was kicking or pounding above her head."

Yes, this unnamed individual tried to sneak into a strip club to spy on strippers in the dressing rooms. What he was hoping to see I'm not sure since normally if you walk in and buy a drink you can see naked chicks to your heart's content, and women wearing clothes are even easier to find than that.

The man was booked into the King County Jail and a probable cause hearing was held as part of an investigation of malicious mischief, but for some reason a charge wasn't filed and he was released a couple days later. Surely he'll wind up charged with something eventually though, right? Is there a charge for doing it wrong?

Well You See Officer, I Don't Trust Statistics Is The Thing

Here's a quick tip, so to speak. When you're picked up by the cops for being a creepy pervert who took pictures of a naked 3-year-old boy who is being changed by his parents at a park and those same cops search your camera and find about 50 more naked boy pictures on it, telling the nice officers that you needed those pictures because you're obsessed with circumcision and are trying to prove a point to your wife about the number of circumcised vs. non-circumcised males won't help your case, but it will make you appear to be even creepier and pervertier than first thought.

Had this realization stricken oneGlenn Anthony Armstronga little sooner, he may not be facing a charge of indecent treatment of a child under 12 and who knows what other trouble right now.

When police located Mr Armstrong, a Perth-based pilot for V Australia, they allegedly found about 50 photos of naked boys on his camera.

He allegedly told police he was "obsessed with circumcision" and had taken the photos to demonstrate to his wife that more boys were uncircumcised than circumcised.

False Starts And Wrong Turns

Here's a fun article about some of the bad luck a few of the athletes have had during the Olympics. I should say fun for you and I, because none of these things happened to us. If I were Sven Kramer I'd likely be shoving volunteers too, not to mention beating coaches half to death.False starts and wrong turns

Leanid Karneyenka of Belarus was probably feeling the same elation Lobkov had for a few seconds, before he realized things had gone blunderously wrong.

There Karneyenka was, slightly leading his semifinal of the men's cross-country skiing team sprint on Monday.

All of a sudden, heading into the final sharp left turn before the straightaway to the finish line, he looked behind him and for a second probably thought he had left everybody in his wake.

Well, he had. Because there is no final sharp left turn before the straightaway into the finish line. He had just made a detour onto the exchange area of the course. Disqualification ensued.

More Olympics Stuff

Yesterday was quite the Olympic day for Canada. Wetook gold and silver in the women's 2-man bobsleigh or is it bobsled,our women's short track speedskatersgrabbed silver in the 3000m relay,Clara Hughes smoked the Richmond Oval record in the Women's 5000M but ended up withthe bronzeafter that record was crushed twice more, and Team Canadaput a 7-3 hurting on russiato advance to the semi-finals Friday against Slovakia.

After all of that, Canada sits in 4th place with 15 medals, behind Norway 18, Germany 24 and the USA 28.

I turned off the US vs. Switzerland hockey game part way through to watch the 3000 metres, and I can say without question that I made the right choice. Even though she didn't win the gold, Clara Hughes looks like she's ending her career on top of her game. She nailed that race, and I honestly thought she had a shot at it. Any time you see 3 building records set in the same race, that's a win. Stephanie Beckert is wicked fast and Martina Sablikova is like a machine. those 2 facts seem to have gotten a wee bit lost in all of the Canadian Clara Hughes coverage, so I thought I should mention them.

I didn't manage to catch any of the bobsled yesterday, so hopefully I'll be able to find one of the half million repeats and watch it then. That's one of the best and worst things about the Olympic coverage this year. We have 3 main channels carrying everything and some others picking up a few events here and there, which is great because if there's something you can't stand on one station (curling comes to mind immediately), your odds of finding something better on another are pretty good. It's also good for seeing the rest of something that gets cut off in favour of something else, which in the case of CTV is usually pointless yammering. Seriously guys,shut up. There are events going on, I'd like to see them without having to hunt for them elsewhere if you don't mind. Ok...where was I. Oh yeah. Lots of channel options are great, but it also leads to a lot of duplication. Many times I've found 2 stations showing the same thing, and that includes reruns of things from the day before. I know it's hard to fill all of that time and I appreciate how much better our coverage is than what the States is getting, but all the station flipping gets annoying after a while and maybe I'm too picky, but it seems like some of the scheduling could have been done a tiny bit better.

Ok, back to things I saw yesterday.

What can you say about Team Canada? They had a bit of a rough start, but damn are they awesome now. I think playing that extra game on Tuesday might have been the best thing that could have happened. It gave them more of a chance to jigger with line combinations and to work on chemistry. whatever they did, it payed off huge last night. I had a good feeling about their chances, but never in a million years did I expect them to do to Russia essentially the same thing theydid to the Germans the night before.

After all the talk about how difficult it would be to deal with Alexander Ovechkin, it ended up that he was pretty much a non-factor. Rick Nash did a great job of shutting him down at every turn, taking him almost completely out of the game. After watching that, I feel like no matter what gets put in front of us, our team is good enough now to deal with it. I reserve the right to change my tune if we end up face to face with Ryan Miller again, but I honestly think this team as it is now can beat him.

Speaking of Canada vs. the USA hockey games, to the surprise of nobody at all those 2 teams are playing in the women's gold medal game tonight, so go Canada!

That's all for now, hopefully I'll be able to write more before everything ends. I can't believe that in just a few days the Olympics will be all over and done with. It seems impossible.

Theremins Makin' Me Crazy

I know we've mentioned the theremin before. Well, in an attempt to prove that it can be used for more than creepy musical effects in horror movies, some folks have decided to get it to play actual songs. Here's Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" As theremins would play it. I think maybe the theremin version is slightly less annoying than the real one. It's still annoying, just slightly less.

Clean Teeth, Dirty Mind

Ug. I'd hate to be female and have worked for Dr. Mahesh Patel, a dentist. What a total creep.

According to a Metro Police report, after a female employee at the Advanced Center for Dentistry, 770 Warm Springs Road, reported to work on Jan. 11, Patel, her employer, requested her assistance with a scheduled procedure and asked her to change into her scrubs, the woman told an investigating officer.

The woman said she went into a unisex bathroom and began to change her clothes. As she bent at the waist, she noticed an object in a tissue holder. Upon further examination, she saw the object had a switch labeled “record.” She told the officer she then realized the device was a video camera; she switched the power off, removed it from the tissue holder and kept it with her, according to the police report.

The woman then went to perform the procedure with Patel. She said she noticed that during the procedure, he was “acting funny.” After the procedure was completed, Patel confronted the woman and asked where the device was, the woman told police. The woman said she asked Patel if the device belonged to him, to which he replied affirmatively. He said the device must have fallen out of his pocket, police said.

The woman said she found the device in a tissue box and that it wasn’t on the floor. Patel then apologized and said he had hidden the device so he could spy on her, the report said. The woman refused to return the device and tried to leave the building, but Patel “blocked the doorway, and continued to beg for the device back,” the report stated.

The woman contacted her husband. She then went home, where she viewed what was on the memory card and saw images of herself undressing, according to the report. She went to a police station to report what had happened.

According to the arrest report, police obtained a search warrant and found video evidence of Patel setting up the recorder and placing it at an angle that showed the toilet area. They also obtained footage of the reporting employee and a second, unidentified woman in states of undress in the restroom.

Scary, scary fellow. I'd hate to have been one of his female patients too.

The Chew Chew Train

There's something wrong with this guy. Twice in the past two weeks, he's been hit by the same train. The first time he was hit by the train, it severed one of his hands at the wrist. This time, he had injuries to the now handless arm and his other hand. And they're also thinking he needs his head examined.

Something is weird. His family says it's not suicide, but one has to wonder. I mean, after a train rips your hand off, you'd think you'd be extra careful about not falling onto the tracks. And, it was the same train? Super weird. I can't chalk it up to him having the worst luck ever. I just can't.

Warren Haynes Is Pretty Awesome

Like the title says, Warren Haynes is pretty awesome. Not sure how I don't own more of his music, but fixing that is on my list of things to do starting now.

Here are a couple nuggets of gold from YouTube because I'm drunk, I'm awake, I want to share good music and because goddammit, Warren Haynes is pretty awesome.Warren Haynes - Patchwork QuiltCarin, I want to get our buddyJto learn that one, what do you think?Warren Haynes and Derek Trucks - Old Friend

There's a lot more out there, but those are my 2 favourites right now. Enjoy, and suggest more if you'd like.

Good On The Government For Once

Truth in Sentencing Act comes into effect

I don't agree with much our current government does, but this I like.

It had been common practice among judges to reduce prison sentences by two days for each day a person spent in jail while awaiting trial and sentencing. In rare cases, the ratio was three-to-one if their detention conditions were deemed particularly difficult.

The new legislation means that as a general rule, the amount of credit for time served will be capped at a ratio of one-to-one.

It will permit judges to give credit at a maximum ratio of 1.5-to-one only when circumstances justify it, and they will be required to explain what those circumstances are.

No change in the one-to-one ratio will be allowed under any circumstances for people who have violated bail conditions or who have been denied bail because of their criminal record.

I've written before about how maddening it is to continually hear about cases where someone is sentenced to 3 years in jail and then walks out the door because of the buy one, get one free type of credit available through our justice system. I have no problem with shortening somebody's sentence to account for the time they sit in jail before and during their court cases, that's only fair. I just wish that the system would be honest about it. If you say you're putting somebody away for 3 years, they'd better be gone for 3 years. This symbolic sentencing doesn't mean shit to anybody with a brain, all it is is a slap in the face to victims who have already suffered enough. Hopefully this new legislation will be a big step towards making things right.

Donna Want 2 And A Half Years In A Work Camp?

Last March, Carinwrote about Donna Greenwell,the woman who traded a couple of 4 and 5-year-old children for a cockatoo and $175.

Today I can report that the case is at its end, as Greenwell has beensentenced to 30 months of hard labour after pleading guilty to 2 counts of sale of a minor.

The couple that made up the other side of the trade, Paul and Brandy Romero, plead guilty to the same charges and were given 5 year prison sentences, both of which were suspended in exchange for testimony against Greenwell.

Anybody want to tell me what counts as hard labour as far as the Louisiana justice system is concerned? I'd love to know.

Quiet Down, We're Trying To Win Over Here!

Jesus doesthisever make us look amazingly pathetic as a country.

The game is on and we're all trying to watch it, so here's the short version:

Canada isn't leading the medal standings and won't be owning the podium because of all the fans and their damn cheering distracting the athletes.

Of course I'm serious, who could make shit like this up?

Here's the longer, lamer version for those of you not fortunate enough to be near a piece of electronics with hockey on it.

The boisterous and deafening barrage of Maple Leaf support at Olympic venues may have thrown Canada's athletes off their game, admit officials.

And that may be partially responsible for the county's low medal count, they say.

"We've never seen anything like that and maybe we were ill prepared to how we would react to Canadian fans really showing their colours," Nathalie Lambert, chef de mission of the Canadian Olympic team, said Monday.

"We've never seen this before."

Chris Rudge, CEO of the Canadian Olympic Committee (COC), said Canadian athletes have never performed before "an audience so big, with so many Canadians and so loud . . . and how each athlete responds to that I don't know."

And Rudge admitted that Canada will not finish first in medals at its first home Games in 22 years.

COC sport leaders are going to look at the "adrenaline rush" that the support caused, he said.

"The size of the crowd and the level of support and the noise — I'm not sure to what degree it was addressed by each of the coaches and the team leaders."

For those of you in need of a game update, Joe Thornton just scored to make it 1-0 Canada. The crowd is going insane, surely fucking things up for everyone.

I Hope Nobody Asked For A Pound Of Anything

Nicholas Lorenzo, the fellow in the picture, is headed for trial after being accused ofputting a little extra meat on display while working behind the deli counter at his local Safeway.

The woman told investigators that she noticed some motion from behind the glass door, and then saw the employee — who was later identified as Lorenzo — "holding his penis," the affidavit said. The woman said he was masturbating while talking with her, and when he saw the shocked look on her face, he put his penis back in his pants, according to the affidavit.

When police confronted Lorenzo about the allegations, he admitted to "having his penis out of his pants," the affidavit said.

He admitted to having it out on the job, but plead not guilty to the indecent exposure charge? Remind me never to hire this guy.

And just to keep things classy, the woman making the accusations against Lorenzo was shopping with her baby at the time. Nice, real nice.

Family Album

I've spent a lot of time criticizing books lately. It's nice to write about one that I liked.

I just finished reading "Family Album" by Penelope Lively. Hell, I ended up finishing it because I couldn't sleep, and now I'm paying for it, but oh well. It really is a simple book, showing how each person can see the same events in a totally different way, and how nothing is as it seems.

Basically, it's all about Alison, a woman who has a simple dream, to get married, have a big house and lots of children. All she wants to do is provide them with a blissful, picture-perfect childhood. She does end up raising six children, but despite her best efforts, their childhood isn't so blissful, and the dark secrets she tries to hide creep out. You find this out slowly, as each child reveals a piece of the past

It's funny how in some books, characters are just that, characters and nothing more. But there was something about these people, and the sibling rivalries that were talked about that made them feel real, like I could actually find them somewhere and they would exist beyond the pages of the book. It got so that I had to get back to the book to see what happened to them, to let them finish their stories. The only one I really felt I didn't get to know was Charles, the dad, and I wanted to know him more. But maybe, if Charles really existed, he would be just as elusive. Maybe that was who he was, and that's all you got to know anyway. I would have liked to know the youngest one a little better, and sometimes I worried that the reason we didn't hear much from her was because, being the youngest of six, maybe she got lost in the shuffle. There were times when I worried that she became an anorexic, the way she was described exercising too much, worrying about being fat even though she was thin, but I was never sure if she did or not. See, they weren't just flat descriptions, they felt like people to me.

There were times when I got a little mad at the kids for not appreciating all that their mom tried to do for them. Even though she was kind of unobservant, she honestly meant well, I think. She wanted them to be loved and feel secure. But there were times when I understood why they would get angry. I think six was too many. As much as Alison wanted to love them all and be attentive to them all, she ended up noticing nothing and listening to noone. And when the dad spent most of his time locked in his study, what did they have in terms of parental input? Not much.

The end of the book really made me think about myself and my own family. Some of the kids were about my age, and seeing them really pull together to help their parents made me wonder. Would we be able to do the same? Would I be able to do enough if I had to? And god, I'm not ready to think about losing a parent. No, no. Mom and dad need to live to be as old as that war veteran, not that I think this is a realistic hope. But I don't want to even fathom losing one of them anytime soon.

So, if you like a book that makes you think about family dynamics and the way different people see the same thing, and gives you a few chuckles along the way, give this book a try.

In Tracy, Calling 911 Is Expensive

I got news of this from Ann Adams.

We all pay a few cents on our bill for access to 911. Did you ever think that you could be paying for it every time you want to use it? Well, the people of Tracy, California have to think about this. They can either pay an annual fee of $48 or a fee of $300 every time they use 911.

Missing from this story is why it's being done. Did residents protest the 26-cents on their phone bills? Do they have a lot of pranksters who like to call 911 for no reason, or a lot of people who think not getting a hamburger is a good reason to call 911? Why was this done? People already have to pay ambulance fees, they don't need a 911 charge stacked on top of it. I am envisioning people who are poor putting off calling 911 because they can't afford the fee. How many people might die because people don't want to pay for the call?

I hope this isn't the beginnings of a trend. Whether it is or not, it's disturbing.

Dogs and Grapes

I just saw this post about grapes on the GDB blog. What a sad story. What's even scarier is how many people don't know that raisins and grapes are poisonous for dogs. I think most people know that chocolate isn't good, but I wonder how many people have heard about the dangers of xylitol, the sugar substitute in sugar-free gum. I could have sworn I posted about that, but it appears I didn't.

I think we assume that since we can eat it, they can too. This isn't always the case. Always check to make sure what you're giving as a treat isn't the treat that kills.

I See A Dumbass In This Lawsuit

I think Dane Chan is John Rempel stupid. Just read this little excerpt and see if you agree.

The 36-year-old Upper West Side woman says she first went to Mitchell's lair -- Zena Psychic on Seventh Avenue South at Bleecker Street -- in October 2008, when she was down in the dumps over problems at work and a recent breakup.

During Chan's first, $20 reading, she was "told that she would 'live long' and that [her] 'family was useless,' " the suit says.

Chan, a restaurant worker, returned the following February. And for $60, Mitchell had her "hold a crystal wand for approximately three minutes" and again found she would "live long" and that her "family was useless."

Mitchell allegedly then told Chan she urgently needed to start "removing blockages" to improve her life -- a service Mitchell could provide for $500.

A week later, Mitchell told Chan to make a "prayer list" with her "desires and goals for the future," which was to be wrapped in nine $100 bills and put into a jar filled halfway with water and a dollop of spit, the suit says.

Chan was instructed to put the jar under her pillow and sleep in a white nightgown for that week.

She returned to Mitchell, who grabbed the jar, "ran it up and down" Chan's body and disappeared.

When she re-emerged, the water was red, which she attributed to the "purged" impurities.

Chan then asked for the cash back, but Mitchell refused to hand it over -- and told her she had to redo the ceremony again, this time with new $100 bills, or else her "future fortune would not change."

A week later, Mitchell called Chan "in a frantic state," asking how much money she could put on her credit card because she "needed 'supplies' to finish cleansing [her] future," the suit says. The seer allegedly went to a Ralph Lauren store for a clothes shopping spree, ringing up two $4,733 charges.

and only then did Chan think "Hmmm, something's a little fishy, I think I'm gonna sue."

This woman had a zillion chances to stop this madness. Any normal person *might* have come back for the second visit, realized they got the same info for $60 as they did for $20 and went "Well that was disappointing. Well I guess I won't come back to her again." Not this chick. She just kept forkin' over the dough, forkin' and forkin' and forkin' it over.

I guess Sylvia Mitchell was telling the truth when she said that if Chan didn't repeat the ceremony, her fortune wouldn't change. Yup, if you're talking financial fortune, it wouldn't change in a negative direction because she'd still have the money that Mitchell wanted to take from her.

Some Good Picks, Some Bad Picks

So . . . yeah . . . um . . . ThatpredictionI madedidn't quite pan out like I had hoped.

Like I said in the comments, Canada didn't play a bad game, the US just played a better one. there definitely were some penalties that Canada did not need to take and you could make a case that a time out should have been called near the end there, but the Canadians hardly stunk the place out and as anybody who watches a decent bit of hockey knows, Ryan Miller is scary good sometimes.

I still say the reasoning for picking the way I did is sound, I'll just chalk this one up to the idea that even the Leafs win a game now and then. Give it time. I wouldn't write Canada off just yet, nor would I award the States the gold just because they got the better of us once.

I'll be interested to see who gets the start in net for Canada against Germany tomorrow. My money's on Luongo, but in spite of what happened yesterday I wouldn't be surprised or uncomfortable if Brodeur got it. Last night wasn't his best night, but like Miller said, "marty is the best."

Speaking ofpicks I made yesterday,the official standings haven't been updated yet,but I can tell you that I went 2 for 3 at the Elimination chamber. The Maryse vs. Gail Kim match didn't end up counting because it was changed into a tag match as it was about to get started, so I likely lost a much needed point there. the ones I did manage to pick correctly were Jericho winning the Smackdown Chamber match and Drew McIntyre beating Kane to keep the IC belt.

John Cena ended up winning the Raw Chamber only to be beaten by Batista in about 30 seconds in a match made by Vince McMahon. The story there makes sense, but it's not what I would have done because the Sheamus/Orton/Legacy feud could have used the title more. All signs point to Cena vs. Batista at Mania as part of the Vince McMahon and Bret Hart deal,and that's more than big enough without the belt being involved.

Shawn Michaels did make an appearance during the Smackdown match to cost the Undertaker the title, but I was wrong about him replacing John Morrison. Morrison was made to look surprisingly good, lasting until nearly the end.

As for the rest of the show, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't overly good either. Even though things didn't go quite right, I'm glad I watched hockey live and waited until this morning to catch the PPV. If you're wondering,there's no real reason to get a replay or borrow the internet's recording of this one. If you do you likely won't be disappointed, but personally I was hoping for better heading into the biggest show of the year.

I Think The Heroin's Frying His Brain

Oh boy. I love dumb criminal stories. No matter how many of them I hear, I still cackle when I get a new one.

The dumbass in question is John Yarrington. He told police that Cory Noonan was selling drugs out of his mom's house. So, they told him to buy some heroin, and then hand them over to cops. So he did. That all went off without a hitch. When he came back with the drugs, they told him that he is not allowed to get more drugs, and if he's busted with more drugs, he'll get arrested just like anybody else. Not ten minutes later, where does Yarrington go? Back to Noonan's house. But Noonan is under surveillance, so...both men got arrested. I really don't have any other words but hahahaha.

Bad Dog!

This is pretty dumb. I at first thought it was happening over in the UK, but I realize that no, it's happening right here in Canada, in British Columbia.

There's a new law that says that it's a crime for a dog to chase any animal. Yup, and all our dogs will get right on reading that law.

Why wouldn't it be simpler to have a leash law that says that unless it's your own property, or it's a leash-free zone, the dog needs to be on a leash? Making a law criminalizing dogs just looks dumb, about as dumb as having an ASBO for a cat.

Your Password is Message Redacted

This is the dumbest email auto-confirm I've ever seen. I finally got around to making an HMV Digital account. So I make my username and my password. I get an email back saying my account has been created. Then it says here are your username and password. It gives me my username, and then where my password should be, one character of it is showing, and the rest is *'s.

Ok, if you're not going to give me my password so I can keep it to remember, then don't bother putting that section in the email! That's just dumb! I understand why they black out credit card numbers, but why mention a password if you don't want to send it over email?

Ro's Partner In Crime

I mentioned a while ago that Ro was headed off to guide dog school. Well, she finally got her net up on Friday, and announced to the world that she's training with a yellow labby boy named Jayden. She also announced that I am one of the lucky ones who won the guide dog guessing pool, so I'll have a hand-made blanket. How cool is that? Congrats Ro on your mellow yellow dog. He sounds like a sweetheart.

If you want to follow her training journal, just head on over to her blog, or if you find this late, her training experience will be under doggy school. Go Ro, you're bringing back some serious memories.

Elimination Chamber Picks

While I'm making predictions, here are my picks for tonight's WWE Elimination Chamber pay-per-view. As always, I'll post once I've seen the show to let you know how shitty I'm doing in the contest.

I almost watched this show tonight, butthe gameis far more important.

Raw Elimination Chamber - WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Triple H vs. John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Kofi Kingston.

There are quite a few ways this could go, but I'm picking Sheamus to retain. They have a somewhat interesting storyline going between Legacy and Sheamus that looks like it's going to end up with Orton turning face, and it would make sense for Orton to win the title from sheamus at Wrestlemania before feuding with his former partners.
Winner: Sheamus.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber - World Champion The Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio vs. John Morrison vs. R-Truth.

Again, there are a couple of ways this could go. The pick I submitted is Jericho because it would not only make the easy Edge vs. Jericho Mania match, but it would also free up the Undertaker for the match with Shawn Michaels that they've been building towards for months now. There was no option to write in picks, but if I could have, what I would have done is written in Michaels. what I see happening is him taking Morrison's spot playing off the ankle injury thing they've been doing for the last 2 weeks, then winning, giving him an automatic title match against Taker at Mania. If that happens, I want one of those big cheques that I'm sure Dave Meltzer is getting. But rules are rules, so my original pick stands...I guess.
Winner: Chris Jericho.

Maryse vs. Gail Kim in the finals of the Divas Championship tournament.

All signs point to Maryse winning, and that's the way my pick went. I do hope that we get a spot where Gail lets Maryse know that she grew up in Canada and understands French, so all of the insults didn't go over her head and she knows the nice talk in English was all a bunch of crap.
Winner: Maryse.

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane.

McIntyre winning is the only thing that makes sense, so not a lot to say here.
Winner: Drew McIntyre.

If you're watching tonight, enjoy the show. It looks like it could be a fun one. I'll likely watch it tomorrow while I'm nursing the hangover I'm predicting I'll get after tonight's festivities.

Go Canada Go!

If There's Such A Thing As A Factual Prediction, This Is It

Ok, time to throw down my prediction for tonight's big Canada vs. USA hockey game.

I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time analyzing line combinations and statistics and all that stuff, it's been done to death by folks much more qualified than I. I'm simply going to use a little deductive reasoning to reach a sensible conclusion. Observe:

• Ron Wilson is coaching Team USA.
• Brian Burke is the General Manager of Team USA.
• These 2 men currently hold the same positions with the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League.
• I have had bowel movements with better records than this year's Toronto Maple Leafs.

Therefore...

• Team USA will go as the Leafs go, giving up the first goal or possibly 2, making things interesting, giving up a huge lead, almost come back and perhaps even tie the game before ultimately shitting the bed...in overtime.

I'm not betting the farm on OT, but everything else you can take to the bank.

Now if only somebody would send me a cheque like the one's I'm sure Bob McKenzie is getting...

Talk About Your Eviction Notice

Gees! I think Jimmie Lamar Richardson should choose a new line of work. The job of being a landlord is getting to him. It has to be if he would beat a tenant to death for locking himself out of his apartment.

The story goes that Richard Bohannon got a little drunk and forgot his keys inside his apartment. When Richardson responded to his call, he threw Bohannon against a wall, and kicked him down two flights of stairs. Someone found Bohannon in the boiler room the next day, and Bohannon didn't make it.

I guess Richardson likely did find a new line of work. He'll be making license plates.

You Have, One, New Drug Deal In Your Mailbox

Here's a tip. When calling your boss and leaving a voicemail, always check that you've hung up properly before continuing with your activities, especially if they involve making a drug deal. If you don't, you may end up fired, just like Joseph Stankiewicz did.

He claims that it's not him on the recording, but a judge noticed that the voice is the same, and it even mentions expecting a call back from his work and tells his companion to be quiet if he gets a call back. So um, he's kinda busted.

Also included in this article is a long list of other folks who didn't learn how to properly hang up or dial their phones, including the dude who meant to call his friend, but called his boss. He somehow didn't notice he had dialed wrong, and left a big ol' message on the machine about how much his boss was driving him insane.

This reminds me of something that happened to me. I was back at guide dog school getting Babs, and a friend called me to see how I was doing. We talked for a while and I said I wanted to call mom and dad, but it was tricky to do that, since there was only one phone in the hall. My friend said she had conference calling capabilities, so she could connect me with mom and dad. I thought this was a great idea, and asked her if she would do that. She called them, but we got their answering machine. I left a message, and then I thought she had hung up. So we were gabbing away...and...then I heard the old familiar boop boop that means you're approaching the limit for the answering machine! We were still leaving a voicemail! I asked her to erase it, and she tried, but failed. So mom and dad got a voicemail complete with a bunch of swearing. They took it well. I turned 40 shades of red.

I Spy, With Your Laptop's Little Eye...

Here come some more school tools.

It appears the Lower Merion School District was all happy with itself, giving every high school student a laptop so they can have access to school resources all the time. But what Blake Robbins found out was their true motive was spying on students through an embedded webcam in the laptop which school personnel could access at any time from anywhere.

It all started when Robbins was called into the office to be reprimanded for his behaviour at home. As proof of the behaviour, the assistant principal produced a picture taken by the laptop's embedded camera. It didn't take long for his parents to sue, and so they should.

I can't even begin to count the rights of students being violated by this policy. I don't know what the school board was thinking when they thought it was a good idea, but they sound like a scary group of people. I can't imagine realizing that if I left the laptop on while I was getting ready for school, it could have been taking pictures of me while I was getting dressed. That is not what I signed up for.

I guess the message is if it's too good to be true, it probably is.

Canada's Last Known World War I Veteran Dies At 109

Anyone who knows me knows that I have 0 time for war. I think it's one of the stupidest, most pointless things that humans have ever come up with. But at the same time, I also have infinite respect for those who are willing to risk their lives to fight in one.

With that said, I'm saddened to hear that Canada's last known World War I veteran, John Babcock, hasdied at the age of 109.

By his own admission, he didn't have the most impressive war record. Once he was discovered to be under legal serving age, he wasn't allowed on the front lines. But no matter what he may think of his service, he's still a big part of Canada and the world's history. He was the last living link to an era that I hope won't soon be forgotten.

All I can say is thank you for volunteering to do something that I would likely never have the guts to do, and thank you for sharing your story with the world. Hearing what veterans put themselves through made a big impression on me as a kid, and I can only hope that some day it might make that same impression on those in power who seem incapable of learning from history.

Go Ahead And Pay The Man. When The World Is Ours, We'll Get Our Money Back

I have no words to describe this piece of utter legislative stupidity, but honestly, do I need any? How about I steal a few from the story, and then just let you chew on that for a while.

Terrorists who want to overthrow the United States government must now register with South Carolina's Secretary of State and declare their intentions -- or face a $25,000 fine and up to 10 years in prison.

The state's " Subversive Activities Registration Act," passed last year and now officially on the books, states that "every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States... shall register with the Secretary of State."

There's even a $5 filing fee.

Yeah...and those people with subversive intentions will get right on that.

Sit! Stay...In This Cell. Good Boy.

The story of Mario Duane Porter getting charged for telling a police dog to sit wasn't much of a story, but it did make me think of a couple funny ones of my own.

Back when I was a camp counsellor, long before I'd given getting a guide dog serious thought, there was this camper who had a guide dog. He got his dog from a school that taught the dogs French commands. So whenever he commanded his dog, it was in French. There was another camper who also spoke french, and took great delight in yelling commands at the dog to see what would happen. I remember one time, we were trying to get pictures done, and the dog's handler told the dog to stand. The other guy told the dog to sit. After a couple repetitions of "debout! Assis! Debout! Assis!", the dog just flopped over.

There was another situation that was simultaneously funny and not funny. After each day, the guy and his dog would scoot over to the side somewhere near the residence where we stayed. If I passed close enough, I would hear the handler saying "Aux besoins, aux besoins." Knowing nothing about anything, I would always wonder, "Hmmm, besoin is need...so what's this thing about needs?" If I'd thought for half a second, I would have realized that he was telling the dog to relieve.

But I didn't need to figure this out, this was explained to me very clearly later on at camp. I was walking down to the lobby, and almost reached it when someone said "Stop! Wait right there!" I froze, and the next thing I heard was the handler saying "Carin, you know that guy who likes to try to command my dog? He told her to besoin!" And there was besoin all over the lobby. If I had been smart, I would have made that other guy clean it up.

So yeah, it goes to show that service dogs of any type may be trained, but they aren't perfect. So never command a service dog just to be smart. It's not a good idea.

Mmmmmmmmm...Silver Medal

I'm sure that Germans everywhere are very proud of the silver medal in men's single's luge, but proud of the guy who won it...might have to think for a second on that one.

As the story goes, the second best luger in the world was asked by photographers if they could get a picture of him biting into the medal. Perhaps there's something I dont' know about luge, but the question why springs immediately to mind. However, our friend had no such questions and complied...breaking a tooth in the process. That's pretty bad, but adding a bit of fun to the story is this fellows name...David Möller.

Indeed, not even the Olympics are safe from the name game.

I Shot Him My Way

Back a couple years ago, I wrote about a guy getting shot in the Philippines for singing out of tune. I mentioned that a lot of places removed the popular song "My Way" by Frank Sinatra from their lists because it caused too much violence. Well, here's a whole story on that phenomenon. Wow. Nobody can figure out why it happens, it just does. And I've learned that not only must you sing in tune if you sing caraoke, you mustn't hog the microphone. That could get you killed too. And you can't laugh at other singers. That confuses me. People shoot people for being out of tune, but if you laugh at them, you get shot? Whaaat? Ok then. Never sing in the Philippines. It's not worth it.

Some Olympics Thoughts

I've meant to write more about the Olympics than I have, but obviously that hasn't happened. Oh well, what are ya gonna do?

Canada is doing pretty well after a week of competition. We're currently tied for 4th place in the medal count with France, 7 each. the United States is currently whipping ass with 18, 7 ahead of Germany which sits at 11.

Speaking of medal counts, I couldn't agree more withthis column from Bruce Arthur.All of this you're either golden or you're a gigantic failure upon whom should be heaped scorn and ridicule crap going around thanks to the media and governments is just that, crap.

Monday's front page of this very newspaper celebrated Alex Bilodeau's moguls gold on Sunday - the first by a Canadian on home soil in Olympic history -as ending more than three decades of "mediocrity" dating back to the 1976 Montreal Summer Games.

Mediocre like being the second richest person in the world?

That guy who owns Ikea must feel terrible about not being able to crack the top three.

By that standard, one of LeBron James and Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA and the other is no better than Bill Wennington, Cedric Ceballos or World B. Free.

Forget for a moment that the sum total of that 34-year "streak" without gold represented two Olympics and barely more than a month's worth of actual competition.

Forget about how many races were lost to countries that systematically treated its athletes as human pin cushions, creating organized systems of steroid use while employing the field of play as a proxy in the war of conflicting political ideologies.

Was Elizabeth Manley trouncing Debbie Thomas for silver in Calgary a "mediocre" moment? Ditto for Karen Percy's pair of bronze medals in the downhill and the Super G in 1988.

There is no way our collective self esteem should come down to the 24 hundredths of a second - less time than it takes to open a soda - that separated Erik Guay from a podium finish in Monday's men's downhill.

Similarly the hair's breadths separating mogul skier Jennifer Heil on Sunday and snowboarder Mike Robertson on Monday from gold should hardly tarnish the silvers both took home.

Bang on. It's seriously hard to watch CTV's Olympic coverage for that very reason. I've been doing my best to avoid the analysts and stick to stations where actual events are being shown, but even that's not enough sometimes. I realize the talking heads like me as a writing hand have a job to do, but it doesn't do our athletes any favours to cast them as disappointments just because they were second, third or even fourth or fifth best in the world at doing something not many of us can do at all, let alone on that stage. I'm sure on some level the ones who don't "win" are upset with themselves for not doing this or that thing just a little bit better or faster, but that's a personal thing that each person has to deal with in his own way. Piling on doesn't help, it just makes you look like pricks.

When it comes to this prick phenomenon, I don't think anybody quite does it like the men's hockey people. It's so bad I don't much care to talk about how our guys are doing because it's been done to death. We're doing pretty well. We thumped Norway and won a hard fought shootout over the Swiss. But that's not enough for these assholes. Swear to God, at the end of the first period of the game the other night, the first thing I heard was something like "that's 6 straight periods of Olympic hockey without a goal for Team Canada." My immediate reaction was to yell "FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK!"at my TV. Honestly, how ridiculous is that stat? I guess it's worth mentioning in passing, but when you stop and think about it, they're 2 different teams and you're bringing up shit from 4 years ago. Everybody on that team was either not there last time or has had 4 years to grow and mature as a player. Four years is a long time, a lot can change. Get a life.

Speaking of hockey, because of the utter shellackings the US and Canada have been dishing out over the years on the women's side, there's actuallysome talk of instituting a mercy rule.Yes, like they have in some kids' sports. Yes, in the Olympics.

I suppose I can understand the case for it because some of those scores do look bad and make the sport look like a bit of a joke, but still, it's the Olympics. Some people win, others don't. sometimes the defeats can be pretty crushing. That's all part of the job. And having known high calibre athletes in my life and knowing how I would likely think if put in that position, I think I'd rather be beaten 27-4 after a full 60 minutes of hockey than have to live with the fact that I got mercied in front of the entire world. If you want to develop confident players, you can't rescue them just because they aren't doing well. You can learn a lot from losing, a lot more than you can learn from being bailed out before game's end.

And finally, still on the subject of losing...

I was hoping I could find a really good video of this, but it's being yanked left and right thanks to the IOC. Here's the best I could get. I feel bad that I laughed at this because I can't imagine how she must have felt and because she managed to get hurt, but chuckle I did, so here's footage of French Skier Marion Rolland'sglorious Women's downhill Run...tip...fall...topple...thing.

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say as the games go on, but for the moment it's back to flipping channels and avoiding panellists.

Got The Goods, Got My Gun, Got My Keys?

I probably wouldn't have posted this story, except for the image created by a couple of sentences.

A man robbed a hotel, and police were called. When police arrived, they quickly found a big clue, a dropped set of keys to a caddilac in the hallway.

When they went outside, they found Darnell Lamar Wright, 26, sitting inside a white Cadillac, police reports show.

Officers approached the vehicle and found the loot from the robbery, as well as the black hooded shirt and blue bandana the suspect in the robbery reportedly had been wearing.

I can just imagine this dude walking out to his car with all the computers and stuff he stole thinking "Yeah! I made it I made it! Then he got in his car, which I guess he left unlocked, and went "Shit, where are the keys? Well, I can't go back in and get 'em. Hmmm." and then the police arrived. It kind of makes me think of how a kid would act when they just did something wrong and don't have time to get rid of the evidence. They just sit there and wait for the inevitable.

I have a feeling this one will be an easy case. Police must love cases like these.

Don't Drink And Shoplift

Hmmm. Well, that didn't go so well. A dude stole some cough drops and a bottle of Schnapps from a store and ran out. He ran and hid, only he hid in the police station. It didn't take long before he was found, and he was already drunk.

New Echo Changes

I just noticed that Echo has tweaked itself a wee touch. Now, you have choices when you follow a comment thread. When you click follow, a set of radio buttons appears. The choices are never in this stream, replies to my comment, or any new items posted to this stream. For some dumb reason, it defaults to never.

For our blog, I'd say it would be best to set it to any new items because some people don't hit reply even though they are responding to your comment. I've been guilty of that from time to time. So to make sure you see anything new, I'd choose all new items.

Also, the first time you see these new options, you have to re-enter your email address. I don't know if it has cleared everybody's info from the old threads or what. Someone will have to revitalize the thread of doom to test what happens to threads you're already subscribed to. Oh, I see Steve has already tested said thread. Let's see if I got it in my email. Not yet. If I don't get it, that means, *ug*, you'd have to go back and refollow any thread you're subscribed to and are still interested in. Booo Echo if that's the case. I seriously hope it's not.

One other thing about selecting the "any new items" option. It will mean you will get your own comments back, just so you know why you're getting them.

So there's the latest scoop on Echo. Hmmm. I wonder what this new feature means for the Firefox people who never had to click follow after they followed the first time. I guess only time will tell.

A Strong Reaction To Mints

I saw this story when I was writing about those other school-related overreactions, and somehow missed including it in the roundup. But then again, I would have had to come up with a new allitteration for the title.

There was a horrible scare at Booker T. Washington School in Birmingham, Alabama. Someone thought that a girl was dispensing pills. They called in the kids' parents, the police, rushed the kids to the hospital, only to find that they were telling the truth and all that was being dispensed were altoid mints. Still, the girls are suspended and there will be a hearing to decide their punishment. Punishment? For what? I didn't know having fresh breath was a crime.

This whole thing could have been stopped if a teacher had just asked them what they were eating, and if the teacher was still suspicious, maybe smelled the mints or tried one.

And the craziness continues.

The Blackberry Skitter

After the burial of Oratio I linked to last week, I was very interested when the same site posted an interview with Michel Pepin of Humanware, all about Oratio.

Ok, what is up with this guy. Is half the problem that French is his first language? He does a lot of stammering and stuttering, and I can't be sure if he's just searching for the right words from a language standpoint, or if he's desperately searching for the right words to not make the product look like complete and utter crap.

First off, he spends a lot of time talking about how this was a whole new product, a whole new platform, and they had to start from scratch. He keeps saying that when Talks and Mobilespeak started up 10 or 15 years ago, they didn't work with many phones and didn't support a lot, and he can't remember if they cost more back then.

Right out of the gate, he looks dumb. He works with Code Factory. He can find out exactly when the first version of Mobilespeak was created, and it certainly wasn't 15 years ago. I'd also be willing to bet that it wasn't ten years ago. Talks, known back then as TalkX, was released for the first time in December of 2002, as this episode of Main Menu shows. I'm pretty sure Mobile Accessibility came out around the same time, and Mobilespeak shortly after. The guy looks really dumb when he can't even remember when the product came out, and he ballparks it, and lands way off the mark. I'm not a cell phone expert, but I remember 15 years ago, and what phones looked like backthen. They didn't have cameras, multiple applications, or the ability to even text, I don't think. Was Symbian even in existence? So, the need had not arisen for Talks. Sure it would have been nice to navigate some of the settings with speech, but you could, for the most part, get by without it.

And when Talks came out, it may have supported one phone, but judging from that podcast, it supported it well. Also, Talks has always cost $295, so no, it was not more expensive back then. That is why people are nervous about the $449. They can't foresee it coming down. Blinky tech never comes down in price. It just doesn't. Look at JAWS, the Braille Note, or Trekker just to name a few.

This whole setup for Oratio sounds dumb. The reason it doesn't work on other carriers is because the other carriers haven't implemented some other code line that Oratio needs so that the speech will work? Whaaat? We're now dependent on other third party things so this will work? If that's the way things are going, it will never fly. There are too many opportunities for something else to stand in the way.

This guy talks out of both sides of his mouth half the time. Oratio can help you do text messaging, but it can't. It gives you on par access to the Blackberry, but forget HTML email and web-browsing. Those upgrades will be a major upgrade, but they'll be a minor one. You will have to pay for them but you won't. Dude, think before you speak. I'm more confused after listening to the interview than I was at the beginning.

I think this interview was an attempt at damage-control, but it just heaped on more damage. I certainly would not even think about a Blackberry anytime soon, if ever.

Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow

Watchingthis ad,I have no idea how this fantastic product never caught on. It never did catch on, did it? I mean honestly, how could anybody possibly resist a song like that and the promise of pretend milk?

I'm Your Venus

Speaking as a man, I must say that it's always nice when I can put women in a post like this. It really shows that as much as we like to spend time pointing out our differences, deep down we're all the same. The exact, batshit crazy same.

Venus Lewisis facing 3 counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition and battery after spending a bit too much time thinking of the children, specifically a few teenaged, football playing ones.

According to the police report, Lewis was at the E.D. Croskey Recreation Center. She began chasing two league football players, both under 16 years old. She told them she would catch them and then have sex with them.

She then walked between two picnic tables, pulled her pants down in front of both boys and inserted a tampon. The boys told police they looked away.

Lewis also laid on a picnic table and began masturbating in front of the boys. Ocala police said Lewis was intoxicated.

At some point, Lewis also attempted to grab the genitalia of another boy.

Not surprisingly, Lewis has 9 previous arrests including at least one open container violation, which I assume is the standard alcohol in public reference and not a clever euphemism for exposed vagina.

Brings A Whole New Meaning To Pounding The Pavement

That would be an odd exchange. A truck approached a woman to ask about buying some pavement from her. I guess the driver was ok, but then the passenger, Billie Bobbie Harrison, went a little nuts. He started making sexual comments, then exposed himself to the woman and offered to pave her driveway in exchange for oral sex. The driver got embarrassed and drove away.

I'd kill to know what the conversation was like in the truck after that little incident.

Hot On The Trail...Mix Of A Good Story

And we thought Jonathan G. Parker was dumb. Just have a look at Stephan Crane. He got a little boozed up, and decided to go visit his sister. But he couldn't get in. After trying to come in through her window, he spied a copy of the Ravalli Republic in the hall outside her apartment, and decided it would be fun to break in there since the newsroom was in the building next door. Plus, they might have something he could use to pick his sister's lock. Uh-huh. Sis, you have quite the brother there.

He came in through a window, and watched some porn on a couple of computers. Then, he logged into both his MySpace and Facebook pages. After sobering up, he realized that was dumb.

But that wasn't all. For no discernable reason, he picked up a couple of giant bags of Trail Mix and threw them out the window in the general direction of his sister's apartment building. Then he took the M&Ms, and they somehow ended up on top of that same copy of the paper that spurred him to break into the place.

In a final move of incomprehensible stupidity, he sprayed the newsroom with a fire extinguisher because he thought it would be cool. Then he left.

You know what I think is funny? He admits that logging into Facebook and MySpace was dumb, but says nothing about trying to break into his sister's apartment, heaving candy out a window, or spraying the newsroom with a fire extinguisher. What does that say?

Country Rap? I Think A Letter Is Missing

I'm not sure many words exist to adequately describe what I'm about to share with you all or maybe I should say yiz'all, so I'll keep it to 2. Country rap. Yeah, that's what I said, country rap.Colt Ford featuring John Michael Montgomery- "Ride Through The Country".Yes,that John Michael Montgomery.

I'm not sure if old John has gone through some hard times in the last few years or if he's having trouble mustering up enough giveafuckedness to get into his lyrics and is just doing this for a quick payday, but whatever it is, he definitely sounds like he's seen better days. I never much cared for his music, but hearing him sound the way he does is still a wee bit depressing. Ok, somehow I managed to listen to it again and I firmly believe he must have been drunk off his ass when he recorded this, either that or he's half asleep while in the middle of chowing down on a giant mouthful of cake.

And what to say about Colt Ford? I'm honestly not sure, so I may have to settle for congratulating him on his immense talent. Yes, I'm serious. Until I was introduced to the musical stylings of Mr. ford, I thought it impossible to make the cliché I reside in a backwoods area and quite enjoy it there y'all type song that's so popular these days sound any worse. Proving me wrong with what appears to be such a total lack of effort certainly takes ability of some kind.

I'm trying to sum this up so that I can post it and move on with my life, but the writer part of me keeps saying that geesh that honked doesn't really make a complete conclusion. but the smart part of me is saying if you leave it at geesh that honked you can move on with life and never think of this song again, so...

Geesh, that honked.

Yes, smart me wins for once.

Welcome To Vancouver, All Of You Less Awesome People

While we're talking Olympics, Canada's men's hockey team plays it's first game tonight. I'm sure many of you already knew that, but you may not have known about this.

Team Canada recorded a video welcoming all of the other teams to Vancouver in preparation for the tournament, but for some reason decided against using it. However, as happens in this internet age in which we live, it escaped and made its way onto the YouTubes. If you wish, you can watch ithere.

Yes, this is more fine work fromDown goes BrownandBloge Salming.Not sure if it's quite on the level of theletter to Toskalafrom last week, but that's a lot to live up to.

I guess all that's left to say now is Eh! O! Canada g...ahh to hell withthat garbage,go Canada go!

What A doucheBegg-Smith

We here at Vomit comet would like to take this moment to congratulate Canada's Alex Bilodeau on his Olympic gold medal winning performance in the freestyle moguls event. Not only was it a great victory for him and for the Canadian Olympic team as a whole, but it comes with an added bit of satisfaction for us and for anybody else who uses the internet (which means all of you, since you're here).

Not only did Bilodeau's win deny the gold to former Canadian Dale Begg-Smith, sticking it to a guy who some see as a traitorous babycompeting for a country with whiney officials in charge,but it also sticks it to a guy who, and I was not aware of this until today, is/wasa pretty bigtime spyware peddler.

So whether Alex Bilodeau realizes it or not, he won one for all of us, even those of us who don't like sports. good on you, sir!

Monday Night Wars, Take 2

Here we go again.

I'm trying to come up with a bigger wrestling news story than this one that doesn't involve a death or a murder, and I'm drawing a total blank.

TNA officiallyannouncedyesterday that starting on March 8th, Impact will be moving to Monday nights from 9 to 11 PM. In case you don't know what exactly that means, it means that almost 9 years after the first Monday Night War ended when WCW was sold to the WWF, there will be something resembling true competition in the wrestling business again. that, as they say, is friggin huge!

The last time this happened wrestling was changed forever, which was in some ways good and in others bad. But the important thing to remember about that period is that it forced both companies involved to step up their game and resulted in what I think may have been the biggest money era in wrestling history and in the rise of some of the biggest stars the business ever saw. It's hard to know if history will repeat itself, but what I can say for sure is that wrestling needs competition. Since WWF swallowed up WCW and ECW and then became WWE, it hasn't tried as hard. And honestly, why should it? It's easy to become lazy and uninspired when you're for all intents and purposes the only game in town, and as much as TNA has tried over the years to present itself as competition, until now it hasn't been. This move immediately puts the company on the radar and forces WWE to pay attention and take it seriously. whatever happens now, the result can only be considered a win for us, the fans. We've seen what WWF/E can do when Vince McMahon has a reason to give a fuck, and the lengths that WCW was willing to go to in order to make a name for itself. I expect we'll be in for more of the same, and for now that can't be seen as anything but a positive.

Wrestling just got fun again, and not a moment too soon.

A Little Tip For Anyone On A Mailing List

Ok, it's time for me to go off on a rant.

I'm on a big mailing list to do with blinks and gadgetry. It's called blindtech. I think we have about 1200 people on the list from all around the world. I say that list never sleeps, because it doesn't. There's always someone up writing messages about something or other.

Right now, we're getting sent attack messages by someone who I guess likes to watch people freak out. This person is pretending to be various list members, and is sending nasty yucky porn, some of it with dogs in it. He also likes to call people names and pretend to be one of the moderators. And, predictably, people are flipping out like mad, crying about how their delicate sensibilities have been offended and directing threatening messages at the poor folks whose addresses have been spoofed. This got me thinking about the silly things people do on email lists, so I thought I'd write about them in the hopes that at least one person may read this and learn something!

I've already written about people writing unsubscribe requests to the mailing list instead of the unsubscribe address. That's annoying and kinda dumb, but it usually only is done by the occasional person. We can handle that. Somebody writes back and tells them what they have to do and that's it. I'm talking about problems that occur on a much more massive scale.

The first problem comes when someone on the list forgets to turn off their out of office auto reply. So, with every message that gets sent out, the lister's machine spits back an "I'm away from my office until such and such a date" automated message. This is annoying, but that's why we have list mods. They can step in, put the person on moderated status or something, and the problem is solved. If that's where things stopped, we wouldn't have a problem.

But oh no, it doesn't stop there. People start replying to the auto-reply telling it to stop replying, or telling mods to handle it, or calling the person whose machine is obediently sending out messages horrible things. This is kind of like throwing water on a grease fire. It only makes the problem worse. Each exclamation of frustration triggers more auto-replies, which triggers more rage, which triggers more auto-replies, which...makes the thinking members of the list want to pull their hair out.

Here's a tip. If something is going on on the list that you think the mods should know about, write the mods either privately at their private emails, or at the owner address! Most lists have an owner address that, if emailed, sends a message to everyone who is running the show. If you just tell them about what's happening, they can get on the problem faster, or tell you they're working on it. If you email the list, the mods won't see it until they happen to pass over your message. Plus, the mods are the only people who can do anything about it. If I'm on an email list, and Joe is sending automated messages to the list, I don't need to read Bob and Sue and Dan and Bill complaining about how many messages Joe is sending. What am I going to do about it? I have just as much power as Bill and Bob and Dan and Sue. Now, if they email the mods and tell them about Joe's machine sending auto-replies, the mods can stop Joe's address from sending any more mail to the list until things are sorted out. That solves the problem. Sending mail to the list does not.

The other problem is when a spammer gets on the list and starts sending obvious spam to it. They're hoping for two outcomes, one being people responding to it, either by clicking on the links or replying, the other being list traffic going nuts and causing problems. If people reply expressing their outrage at the content of these messages, they are doing exactly what the spammer wants. They are announcing themselves to be a live address, and they're driving traffic up unnecessarily.

Do you think a spammer cares that you don't like that he's telling you to find a fuck buddy? I don't think so. He's likely not even a he. He's an it, a bot, a computer as automated as Joe's out of office autoreply setting. It will send messages until either it has been unsubscribed, or whoever is controlling it tells it to stop. It doesn't care what you think, nor does it understand. The person controlling it, however, likes that you replied. Then he can start spamming you directly. Wooohooo for him.

You know, I would understand if every time something like this happens, the people doing these silly things were new to the concept of email lists. You'd know they just didn't know any better. When I was a newby, I sent a hoax or two and responded to a spam or two until someone kindly took me aside and explained it to me. But the people who do this are often people who have been around a while. People people people, think before you fire off a message. Ask yourself if sending this message will help anyone. If the answer is no, then sit back and decide if you need to do something. Maybe the problem will sort itself out without action from you.

If more people did this, lists would be happier places, and mods wouldn't have to pull out nearly as much hair. I feel for the Blindtech mod squad dealing with this little porn problem. Hopefully, for their sake, they can find the rogue and send him/her packing.

That's One Sick Puppy

This whole situation seems weird, but the weirdest part of it is Nicholas R. Hubbard. He decided to trade his computer for a puppy. What an odd trade. I guess I can sort of see it. Some puppies are worth a few hundred bucks, and instead of money, he gave her the computer. But then when the puppy scratched his daughter, he called the woman from whom he got the puppy telling her he was going to hurt it. Because the puppy scratched his kid? Uh, just wait until it starts using its needle-sharp teeth on you and you have to teach it that you are not a giant chew toy. Just wait until it chews up your shoes and has an accident in your house before it's house-trained.

Fearing for the safety of the puppy, the woman said she would take the dog back and give him back the computer. He agreed. Then, a bit later, he said he had changed his mind and came back for the poor little dog. The woman decided nope, I don't think so, and in response, he kicked in her door and smashed car windows!

I don't think he should be raising his daughter, much less keeping a puppy.

and enough references to "police said," ya think? That story was short, and if I turned that into a drinking game, I'd be on the floor.

Robin Hood: Men In Jail

This guy sure isn't the quickest identity-thieving bunny in the forest. He didn't want to be arrested, he had warrants out for him. So he went and found another dude's wallet, picked it up, and pretended to be him. Then, he shoplifted, and was arrested. Uh, if you don't want to be arrested, how about you lay low? It didn't take the police long to notice that the dude in cuffs didn't match the ID in the wallet...and so it all fell apart.

The best part? The identity theif's real name was Robin Hood. Yup, seriously.

Teaching Tool Trefecta

I saw three depressing examples of the kind of toolchests that are serving as authority figures in schools last week. I've noticed them ever since it took a supreme court to decide that strip searching that kid over ibuprofen was not ok. I've been meaning to write about them all week, but they kept getting pushed back.

Our first prick is principal Steve Vampran of Maurepas High School. He said that kids in the school could swap out their school uniform shirts for Saints colours in support of the New Orleans Saints before the super Bowl. Brandon Frost thought that meant that he could support the opposing team if he so chose. So he wore a Colts Jersey, and was swiftly dragged out of class and ordered to change or go home. The principal went so far as to say "If you like Indiana so much, why don't you go back?"

Excuse me? Excuse...me? Thankfully, after the ACLU got involved, and the story hit national news, the principal had to admit he overreacted and apologize to Frost. What I didn't like was that Frost had to apologize too for not checking with him first about wearing the Colts jersey. Frost has nothing to apologize for, and he probably did it as a gesture of good will, but I don't think he should have had to.

Next up are police and school officials for the way they treated Alexa Gonzalez. She got dragged from school in handcuffs for, *gasp*, doodling on her desk. Whatever happened to "stay after school and scrub the desks"? I'd hate to be a kid in this school district. It sounds like this is the third kid to get cuffed and taken downtown for doodling, and a five-year-old boy was cuffed and taken to the psych ward for throwing a fit in kindergarten. The psych ward? Are you for real?

And finally, we have school principal Evelyn Mastroianni who apparently works in the same area as our young doodler lives. Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with lego figures, and Timoney pulled out a two-inch toy lego gun and slipped it into the hands of a toy policeman. His dad is a retired cop, so he likes that figure. Bang bang boom, he's being dragged into Mastroianni's office and being made to sign a statement saying he had a gun at school. After Timoney's parents, along with others, got angry, the principal agreed not to discipline the kid. But the kid's already been scared, and wanted to stay home from school the next day because he was afraid of the principal. Mom is thinking about suing. Maybe she should.

And this is what our kids are growing up in today. This is the place where they're getting their education and learning lessons about fairness and life. This is the system that is shaping our future.