Have A Hotdog On Me My Friend

How is it, considering the speed at which new technologies are developed, that we as a society have not yet figured out how to make a decent hotdog bun? You'd think that as important as hotdogs have been to the lives of so many over the years that somebody would have tackled this issue by now, but for some reason that escapes even the part of my brain that will try to a ridiculous degree to understand every side of an issue, nobody has, and I can't figure out why.

Has nobody but me ever tried to open one of those things only to have it split in 2 rendering it completely useless? Am I the only one who buys the kind that stick together as if somebody in the factory decided that it would be a good idea to glue them shut? Do the people at the grocery store see me coming and say to each other "hey, here comes Steve, put out the ones that go stale if you don't use them after a day and a half"? That must be what's going on, because I never hear about anyone working on the issue, and I have yet to hear any kind of protesting or complaining from people other than me calling for action to be taken.

Maybe I shouldn't get so worked up over this since I know there are far more important issues in the world that deserve my concern, but it burns me up that in an age where with the touch of a few buttons you can find out that your Aunt's friend's third cousin's great uncle's barber's accountant really really loves John Mayer or that Sylvia in marketing thinks that Kevin the custodian is sooo totally hot, nobody has given the slightest bit of thought to coming up with a bun that doesn't burn to a lovely crispy ash flavour when you try to toast it or turn to dust when you decide you're going to go all out and add toppings this evening.

I say it's high time that some thought was put into it. The era of allowing the hotdog bun people to profit from our complacency has long since come and gone. It's time that we the people stood up and made our voices heard. the so-called movers and shakers of the world need to hear about what really matters. They need to know that we will no longer settle for such an inferior product and that we demand change. And if they won't go for that, we need to at least get them to sit down with the folks at Hamburger Bun HQ and listen to the story of how they managed to get it right.

They Say It's Your Birthday Eh? Well We'll See About That!

Here's a strange one.

A texas man was
stabbed with a pitchfork
while trying to break up a drunken fight between 2 of his nephews.

According to police, the 3 men were drinking in their mobile home Sunday afternoon when a dispute broke out over which of the nephews was the oldest. No, seriously, that's really what started it. The victim stepped in to calm things down when the pitchfork came into play and was stabbed in the arm by a man who reports said was 26. Sadly the age of the other man in the fight wasn't mentioned, so we may never find out who would have won the argument.

I'm not sure if they are or not, but here's something for you all to think about. Would this story be more retarded if these 2 guys were, or were not twins? I can't decide.

And Now We Pause For A Little Music...Sort Of

Have you ever heard something so awful that no matter what you did you couldn't stop thinking about it? Well I just did, and being the nice guy that I am I thought it would only be fair for me to share it with all of you. Besides, now that Miserable Melodies isn't around anymore I figure it's my duty to help fill the void however I can. So in that spirit, I present to you
Shakira covering Back in Black.
Trust me, it's worse than you're imagining.

But because I'm not a total prick [at least not right now], here's something that will hopefully help you wash away the hatred you suddenly have for me. Have a listen to
Kermit the Frog singing some Radiohead.
I'll never look at Sesame Street the same way again.

You Live Where?

Here's another one of those articles that made me laugh until I nearly cried.
The 22 Worst Place Names in the World

They left out a lot of the stuff that's always on the weird town lists which makes it a lot more interesting, and the writing is the type that makes me wish I was half this funny on my best day. For example...

14.
Wetwang, Yorkshire... yep! England again!
Okay, so I'll cut England some slack. It's an old country. You know, if the United States is Google, then England is IBM. Their country is older than fucking dirt. They can't be blamed for having names that sound funny in 2007. But this is kind of ridiculous. Wetwang? I'm surprised they don't have towns called Squishy Vagina or Infected Scrotum.

Enjoy, and feel free to share any you think they missed.

He's Well, Ok? No More Cards!

Wow. I always get annoyed with chain emails. I always tell people to stop sending them, especially the ones that ask you to forward it on, or send correspondence back somewhere. But I never knew how bad the consequences of people's mindless responding to chain emails could be. Strangely, this story still makes me laugh, and it shouldn't, but it does.

Let's take a journey back in time. Bak in 1989, a request was made on behalf of a 9-year-old boy named Craig Shergold. He had a brain tumour, and he apparently wanted to break the record in the Guinness Book for number of get-well cards received. by 1990, he had received 16 million cards. By May of 1991, he had received 33 million, and they cried "mission accomplished!"

But the problem is the deluge of cards never stopped. In 1991, his tumour was removed, and he's still with us to this day, completely healthy and no longer wanting these cards. But they keep on getting mailed. Now, business cards and compliment slips get sent too. Why? because people keep sending this damn email, in different variations, that asks for more cards!

Here's what the email has caused:

• The Shergolds had to move.


• The Children's Wish Foundation International had to relocate because they too were getting bombed with cards, as requested by the emails.


• Another foundation, the Make A Wish Foundation of America, had to set up a toll-free number to tell people to not send cards anymore please please please!
• The Guinness Book of World Records *retired!* this record. That means no one can try and break it. They don't want anymore crap to happen.


• The Shergolds' old address had to be given its own postal code.


• The Shergolds have now appeared on various talk shows to tell people to stop sending cards.

They think that they have received 200 million cards. Wow! Can you imagine receiving that much mail? You know what isn't fair? The Shergolds are receiving zillions of unwanted cards, but No More AOL CD's.com has been working for 6 years and still hasn't managed to receive 1000000 AOL CD's so they can send them all back to AOL. I know, it's because a lot of people don't know about them. but why couldn't someone starta chain letter asking people to send them all their unwanted AOL CD's? They'd have them in no time!

If this didn't come from Snopes, I would think this was a tall tale. But this actually happened to people. So the next time you think you should forward a message because it couldn't do any harm, remember the Shergolds. I sure will, even if it's only to giggle at the idea of being driven from your home with kind words.

More About Pizza Beer

Yesterday I got the chance to talk a little with Tom Seefurth, who you'll probably know better as
the Pizza Beer guy.

He seems really nice, and from the tone of his emails, it looks like there's nobody more surprised about how much attention this stuff is getting than him.

He mentioned a boatload of appearances and interviews that he's done and looking to do beyond the ones he left in the comments on the original post, and he says he's even hoping to get on Letterman to do is pizza from the roof of a building stunt. I hope they have him on and let him do it, it would be perfect for the show since they've done wacky stuff like that in the past.

He also told me that the beer has its own website now, located at
www.MammaMiaPizzaBeer.com.
it's still a work in progress, but more info will be added soon. Unfortunately he's not selling the beer through the site right now and I'm not sure if he's planning to in the future, but hopefully he will at some point because I still really wanna try it!

Nose Thank You, that Snot For Me

I don't really care how well
this thing
works or how safe they're claiming it is, you can still count me out. No matter how much I love somebody, the odds of me ever sucking that person's nose dry with a straw are pretty low, even if the filter is supposed to prevent me from ingestin' a nice heapin' helpin' of snot surprise.

When your child has a cold with a runny stuffed nose, it can be frustrating when they can not blow their own nose. Congestion interferes with sleep, feeding and makes for an overall cranky child, and parent too.

Nosefrida is a plastic tube with a filter that the parent uses with their own mouths to get the mucous out of their children’s noses. WITH THE FILTER IN PLACE, THE PARENT DOES NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH THE MUCOUS FROM THE CHILD. There is no risk of bacterial contamination, in other words, you will not get the cold your child has.

And if you're really in the mood to be sicked out, get a load [or perhaps a mouthfull] of these
instructions.

Place your child face up on a changing table or bed. You can also hold your child, tucking their arms in while you use Nosefrida.

Place the large tube at the child's nostril and the red part at the other end in your own mouth. Apply gentle suction to begin with, increasing suction as necessary until you see mucous in the large tube. The filter will protect you from getting anything near your own mouth.

If mucous is very thick or crusty, please insert 1-2 drops of saline solution into nostril and then apply suction.

Clean Nosefrida after each use: wash large tube out with soap and warm water. Rinse well and allow to dry. Change the hygiene filter after each use.

Nosefrida should ONLY be used to clean children’s and babies noses of mucous.

Please keep Nosefrida out of reach of children under 3 years old.

This product is not a toy.

I love that they have to remind you to clean it out when you're finished, and that they feel the need to explain that you're not supposed to be using it for fun and games. What kind of people is that warning targeted at anyway? On second thought, forget I asked that question. It's probably best if we never find out.

Note To Criminals Everywhere

If you find yourself on trial and have even the slightest desire to be found innocent, it might be a good idea to keep in mind that
punching a member of the jury is generally frowned upon and will in all likelihood not help your cause.

Oh My God I'm Putting on My Advocacy Hat Again

It's funny, as soon as I voted in the municipal election and got the idea that this should be available at provincial and federal elections, another voice in my head said, "You know it won't be easy, don't you?" and it was right.

I called Elections Ontario today, since we're having an election in October. I asked who I should talk to about asking if it's possible to have an audible voting machine at the polls on voting days like the municipality of Guelph did. If you listen very closely, right after that, you can hear my head slamming into a thick rock wall. The response was, "We're only going to do paper ballots. It's legislated. To change that, we'd have to pass a bill in the legislature." I asked her why and she couldn't explain it to me. She just told me to call my MPP, which I'm going to do. If others care about this like I do, I urge them to call and write their local MPP. You can find a list of their local offices here. If you don't know who your MPP is, call elections Ontario at 1-800-677-8683 and ask them. Give them your postal code and they can provide you with their name and number.

If anyone has any luck getting their MPP's attention, but the MPP says they wouldn't have the foggiest idea about who they should contact about getting such a machine if they passed the bill, here is the contact info for the company from which Guelph leased its voting machines that worked so well:

DVS Corporation
20 Mowat Ave. Suite 100
Toronto, ON M6K 3E8
Tel: 416-762-8683 x225
Fax: 416-762-8663
www.dominionVoting.ca

I'm not holding out a lot of hope, but we can at least try, and if enough of us say something, maybe something will happen. Maybe? Possibly? I'm not so naive as I used to be years ago, but there is at least a glimmer of hope.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You know what happens when you park your car in front of an on-coming train in hopes of killing your girlfriend? you die, and she survives!

Thankfully, no one else was hurt, but apparently some flying metal messed up a truck. All I can think is, what an idiot! How bad could he have been fighting that he wanted to kill his girlfriend? Oh, and I also can't help but think "good riddance."

Dear Little Children in Our Building:

I used to like listening to you laugh and shriek and scream. I used to think it was pretty cool that you all had a place to play right outside your door. Now, the sound of your voices fills me with dread. Why? Because when I take Trixie to do her business, you won't leave me alone!

I picked a spot that was kind of enclosed between two bushes. I picked it because I thought it would be out of the way and it would leave the big grassy area open for you kids to play in. But now you have decided that you want to play in *those* bushes.

I don't even mind that you play in there. But you stay quiet until I'm right up on you, taking the harness off and extending her leash. then you all shriek "She can't poo here!" I know you're the kids and I'm the adult, so I try to explain that I won't be long and I'll pick it all up, and I try to explain that the building manager doesn't want her pooping on someone's front lawn, but of course that goes over your heads. You're kids, what do you care? You just keep shrieking. By this point, I have made her leash long and she's starting to circle, so it's hard to change spots.

In the early days, I used to ask you if I could borrow your spot for a second so she could go to the bathroom. You would say yes, then follow me up there with her, chase her around and try to pet her. Can you give her a moment of privacy, please? She's going to the bathroom! The funniest thing you did was run up to her and yell eeewww! right after I told you she was about to drop a poop bomb. "She's pooping, she's pooping!" you cried, immediatley followed by "You're picking it up!" Well what else am I supposed to do? Maybe what threw you off was the fact that the plastic bag I put on my hand was clear so it looked like I was picking up the gifts in my bare hands.

And this is a small thing. Can you plese not litter? If you decide to camp out in the bushes with popsickles and pop, can you take the popsickle sticks and pop cans away when you leave? They are too much temptation for the Trixter, and...it's just not nice to litter!

I'm sure we can work this out and get along, I mean, you're cute and all. So, either tell me you're in the bushes when you see me coming, or let me have them for a few minutes. Then you can have them back, I promise! And plese stop petting Trixie when she's...occupied if you will. If you want, back off a bit and stick around until we're done. Then I'll let you pet her.

Thanks in advance,

Carin and Trixie

Trixie's Brain

So this is home now? Ok. I miss my yellow lab friend, but since there are no dogs around, I guess this guy will have to do. He's interesting. Sometimes, I sit near his chair and watch wrestling with him. He sure doesn't like it when I try to get up close and personal. Why not? I just wanna be his friend!

That thing that opens and takes us to the lobby, what does she call it, an elevator? Yeah, that's it. It smells interesting. But Carin's such a drag. She always tells me to sit and not to sniff. But it has so many stories to tell! Who has ridden in it recently? Do they smoke? Do they wear too much perfume? But some days, I just don't want to sniff. It makes me sneeze. What's that sound Carin does when I sneeze? I think it's "Shuhkh!" Is she making fun of me? If only I could imitate her ridiculous sneezes. Oh well, all I can do is wack her with my tail.

Don't mess with the furniture around here! I was walking around and a couch attacked me! They keep telling me it's because of that long leash thing and me winding it around the couch, but even though that scared the hel out of me, after that, Carin doesn't keep me tied to her anymore! Ah freedom! But I don't mess with them, or Carin puts me on tie-down lickety split.

How come there's a big water bowl that I'm not allowed to drink out of? It's huge. They wouldn't miss it if I took a lick. But every time I try, I'm yelled at and they slam a lid over it. Gees! Greedy bastards, are they that desperate for water?

Eeewww! They just did their business in the big water bowl! Sick people, at least I don't dirty good water like that. I do mine where it belongs, on the grass!

Man humans are stupid. Every time I hear that thing I want to tell them about, I bark. But they tell me to be quiet. If only I could speak English. Then I could just tell them what it is I want to say. But all I can do is bark and hope they get it. It's so simple! Can't they hear that thing? Smell it? Come on! I can, why can't they? Some day, they'll understand me, and they'll appreciate my barking. Then they'll regret telling me to shut up.

Some of those little humans need to back off. When I'm doing my business, they try and pet me. Come on! Would they like it if I watched them do their business?

So far, I've met two hot boy doggies. They wear that harness thingy like I do. Cool! Comrades! They're old though. They're old enough to be my grandfather! Is it wrong that I want to check them out?

Why do they get better food than I do? Every morning and night, it's kibble, kibble, kibble! But they eat different things. Cool things. Neat-smelling things. And then they get mad when I want a piece of the action! No fair! What really wasn't fair was when Carin made me walk through a whole big building full of these cool things. What did she call it...the grocery store? But I was working. No sniffing, no licking, nothing. Work work work.

You know what's funny? If I sit down and Carin sits beside me on the floor, I'm taller than her! Na na na na na, na!

What kind of hell place do they live in? I risk my life just standing at the corner. These huge vehicles drive by, almost taking off my head, and Carin just stands there mumbling something about me being a good girl like some kind of neanderthal. I didn't sign up for this!

Hmmm I think it's dinner time. Maybe if I come and bug Carin enough, she'll feed me early. Mmm kibble.

So How's Trixie Doing Anyway?

I know there are some people who come to the blog for Trixie updates. I've been emailed by a few of them asking for updates on how Trixie is doing. So here's the first of a few Trixie-related posts.

I think my knee is finally completely healed. I think Trixie is thrilled to be able to motor at full speed. We walked almost all the way downtown, which is almost 2 miles with no ill effects, so I think the knee is finally better.

You know all that stuff about Trixie being an angel? Well, now that she's gotten to feel more at home, she is less so. Jon can start laughing now. Every time we finish eating, she comes over to where we've been, hoping we've left her something. She used to stay out of the kitchen. Now, she's just way too curious. She's found herself tied down when we're making food, just to keep her out of trouble.

I've found out that thunder storms and fireworks scare the hell out of her. She'll sit there shaking and panting. They say not to give her any extra attention when she's scared because then you're feeding her fears. But it's really hard to just let her sit there shivering in the corner. I've tried getting her to play with toys, but she'll have none of it. So I just let her shiver. Yep, I'm a heartless bitch. Any suggestions on how to get a dog over fears of things that go boom?

I swear she's learning the English language! The other day, I randomly said, "Let's booggy!" and she sped up drastically! I had to laugh. She's a really smart pooch.

Sometimes, she just does adorable things. Like one day, Steve had just finished eating some Doritos chips, the new Tandoori-flavoured ones, and she licked his hand. This made her snort, fall over, sneeze, and then try to come back for more! Crazy dog!

We've started calling her Visa. Why? Because she's everywhere we want to be. We take a step in one direction, and almost trip over Trixie. Silly girl. I swear she's not going to know what her name is because I have a list of nicknames for her that is a mile long.

She's doing really well. It's really funny to watch her after we've been on a long route. She jumps around after we get home, so happy to be home, almost proud of the work she's done. She's a great puppy, and she definitely makes life interesting. Never a dull moment with the Trixter, that's for sure.

Now the Devil Made Him Do It?

Wow. Here's an update to the baby in the microwave story. Not only is our star of the show loopy, but so is his wife! She does not blame her husband for burning their baby, she says Satan made him do it. Here's a message to the Child Protective Services department in that state. Do not ever give them their baby back!

Little Girl, Big Trouble

Well, it appears some other people think the same way I do about Ashley's story.

Taken from the Guelph Mercury.

Hospital admits breaking law in sterilizing girl

SEATTLE (May 10, 2007)

A hospital has acknowledged breaking state law when doctors performed a hysterectomy on a severely developmentally disabled girl whose growth was medically stunted to make caring for her easier for her parents.

Sterilization surgeries must not be performed on children without a court order, Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center acknowledged Tuesday after an investigation by the state Protection and Advocacy System.

The hospital also agreed to appoint "someone with a disability rights perspective" to its ethics committee.

The girl, identified only as Ashley, underwent surgery in 2004, when she was six, to remove her uterus and breast tissue, and she was given growth-stunting hormones. The hospital's ethics committee supported the treatment but noted that court review would be required. A lawyer for the girl's parents disagreed, saying the state law did not apply in Ashley's case, and the hospital performed the procedures without court permission.

All I can say is, good!

I'm Pissed Off, So Now You're Getting Pissed On

I'm sharing this because for some reason I find it really funny.

A Japanese man upset that the view from his apartment had been blocked by a house built nearby has been charged with damaging a structure because his protest method of choice involved dousing the home with urine at least 169 times.

Nishizaki urinated into bottles or pots and poured it on the outer wall of the neighboring house and over one of its outdoor air conditioning units from his apartment on at least 169 occasions between Feb. 17 this year and Monday this week, local police said. On one day, he stained the neighbor's home nine times.

The victim was forced to replace part of the outer wall and suffered 650,000 [yen] in losses.

Nishizaki reportedly began to stain the neighboring home with his urine immediately after it was build in November 2004, investigators said.

The owner of the house protested to Nishizaki, but the suspect denied the allegations. The victim then filmed Nishizaki pouring his urine on the house and showed the footage to local police in late April, which led to his arrest.

The full article can be found
here.

Welcome to Wal-Mart, How Can I Sort of Help You?

I've been meaning to write about this since, hmm, when? When I got back from guide dog school? Or was it before that? I know I was with mom getting stuff at Wal-Mart. Anyway, here goes. We're getting stuff at Wal-Mart, like I said, and mom decides to go through one of these funky-doodle self-checkout units. They have the basket and you scan the stuff through yourself, pay, and out ya go, without bothering a single cashier. I never cared about these things much, I actually found them rather creepy, since they could potentially end up everywhere, cutting cashiers' jobs, and I really don't feel like dealing with more automation.

But I was watching mom putting stuff through, and I got a little bit intrigued. First, it spoke! This fascinated me. I wondered how much thought Wal-Mart had put into these things, and wondered if they were overdue for a thank you letter, just like TD Canada Trust for their talking bank machines. I watched, paying close attention to the machine. It said when you were supposed to place your items in the basket, it spoke the price of each item, it told you if an item didn't scan, I was impressed! That is, until it was time to pay! Then, it said, "Please complete the pin process." and stopped speaking. Hey chief, where'd your helpful voice go? This is the most important part of the process! It wouldn't have to speak the pin number, but it could have spoken everything else!

My poor mom became quickly mortified as I started complaining about the machine. I started asking her what sense it made to make a machine talk half the process. The voice mustn't have been there for accessibility reasons. It must have been there to create the illusion of dealing with a real cashier. Well, if you want to deal with a real live human being, just go over there, there are several real cashiers ready to serve you, and probably happier that you're standing at their till than using a machine. Ug it makes my head spin.

I really shouldn't complain, I probably wouldn't be able to use the thing anyway, and wouldn't necessarily want to, but the idea of giving something a voice just for decoration bugs me. Maybe it's because people will look at that and say, "Look at Wal-Mart! They're taking leaps so the blind can use these machines!" when that isn't even on Wal-mart's mind. Plus, I just like to point out when things don't make sense, and this one definitely doesn't make sense to me.

Randomness Ahoy

There were a few things floating through my head, so I figured I'd write them down together in a random thought stew.

Here's a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Hopefully others can learn from my stupidity. Never! ever! give! to! charities! who! phone! you!

I gave to one charity who phoned. It was legitimate, nothing got stolen. But here's where it gets fun. They put you on their sucker phone list, and all the other charities start phoning, acting like you've given to them before, and asking for ridiculous sums of money. Here's how I know they have me specifically on their list. When they call, they ask for me. My name isn't in the phone book with our number!

I was stupid once, now we're paying for it with the deluge of charity telemarketers and their guilt-laiden scripts. "Think of the children with their burned little bodies/cancer laiden little bodies/otherwise suffering littel bodies!" I love how they all start out. "The most common donation is $150...or you could give $75, that is certainly good...or what is more common is $20." Wait wait wait, hold the telemarketing headset! I thought you said $150 was the most common. You lying scumbags. I know about psychology. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to start out high so that $20 seems more appealing and I'm more likely to give that because it's a hell of a lot more affordable than $150. Because of that, and because you're hastling me, you get $0.

I also love this little line. "We can send you an invoice and you can take your time on deciding how much to give. But our computers can't send out blank invoices, so how much will it be?" Click, buzz! "hello?"

Now I sound like an asshole. But I can't stand telemarketers, and often, the worst kind are the ones for charities. Why oh why did I make that one mistake? One lapse in judgment, andI doomed myself!

Here's a stupid idea. On a few crime shows,they say at the end, "The names of the victims have been changed to protect the innocent. The names of the guilty are real." Why bother? In this day and age, if you give me the name of the guilty, I can just google him and get the real names of the victims. this stuff is public record! Why change half the names? Either change them all, or leave the real names in.

I was watching TV the other day, and I saw a commercial for the Herzig Eye Institute, and couldn't help but think that sometimes it sounds like they're saying the Hurts a Guy Institute. Does anyone else hear this?

Damn it! I must be getting old! I could swear there was a fourth thing I wanted to write about, but it has escaped me. Hopefully I think of it some day and it can get its own post. That wasn't much of a stew, was it?

At Least he Didn't Say God Told Him to Do This, Too!

What kind of complete and utter sick freak would put his two-month-old baby in the microwave? This one would! Joshua Royce Mauldin of Arkansas said God told him to come and become a preacher in Texas. While looking for a place to live, he was staying in a hotel. It was also in this time that he decided to put his baby in the microwave for 10-20 seconds. Then he lied to emergency services staff, saying he'd spilled hot coffee on her. Now he's saying he put her in the microwave because he was under stress.

She's been taken away, and doctors at a Shriners burns hospital are trying to figure out exactly what her fate will be. Only 3 other children have been burned in a microwave, so they don't even know what this will do to her. For now, they're giving her skin grafts, and she'll go into foster care if she gets better.

What the hell?!?!?! Stress? My ass! I can understand shaking or throwing a baby because you were under stress. It's no better, but my mind can make the leap. But this was cold and calculating! He had to put the baby in the microwave, press the buttons and hit start! At any point, even a stressed person can stop and go "Hey! What the hell am I thinking?"

All I can say is I'm glad the baby is out of his hands, and I don't think being a minister is his calling after all.

GUTS, GUTS, Go Away, The Police are Here to Stay!

These people definitely belong in the things that make ya go raaar! pile!

Remember GUTS? If not, here's a refresher, and an update, yet more greatness, and the final straw.

That was the final straw...until now. Will these people just go away quietly? They're not serving any practical purpose, and they're being nothing but a bunch of trouble-makers. Now, they decided that because youths weren't getting enough service and the police were getting a huge chunk of the budget, the only way to make this point clear was by protesting outside the police ball. And they weren't just protesting. They were swearing at police, rushing and trampling the police tape that had been set up as the cutoff point beyond which protesters couldn't go, spitting on police cruisers, blocking traffic on a busy road, and making asses of themselves in general.

Hey, GUTS, the police need their money. All you have to do is look at the amount of drugs sold in Guelph, and the state of the downtown and you should know this. And even if they didn't need their money, putting on a spectacle that required the intervention of police certainly doesn't make that point clear, nor does it help your case that youth deserve any more of the pie. Stupid, stupid, stupid! But why should I be surprised?

A Quick Scott Gilbert Update

I figured I should put up an update to the Scott Gilbert story. I guess the charges have been dropped. This is good, in the sense that he didn't fight the charges, get off, and screw stuff up more. Plus, they're going to make it so you have to show photo ID to vote at a polling station. This was probably the best way things could work out, since his whole intention was to reveal a loophole, and he was completely honest about doing it once it was done.

Why is There Red Stuff Coming Out of your Tap?

First we got bottled flavoured water and now we can get our flavoured water straight from the tap. What? Just drink water!

Come to My Store and Get a Blueberry Squishy!

I had the weirdest thing happen to me yesterday. I had this giant craving for a slushy. A slushy? Ok then. But it was there, and I was feeling kind of down, so I decided to go get one. So off I went in search of a slushy.

I went to Dairy Queen because I heard they had them, and they did! I got my slushy, and started to drink it, and...I ended up thoroughly disappointed!

I don't know what exactly it was that disappointed me. It tasted like a slushy should taste, but it tasted diluted and kind of gross. Just when I'd get into it, I would hit a block of crystals that would clog my straw and then it tasted like I was just sucking up snow. I didn't even finish it because it got kind of boring.

Does anyone else have this happen to them? Or am I the only adult who still gets the occasional craving for a slushy? Have slushies gone down hill, or did they always suck and I was just too much of a kid to notice before? Or am I just loopy?

Now There's a Scary Thought

This guy is crying discrimination because he can't have a gun permit. I'm jumping for joy. Why? because he's blind!

Carey McWilliams claims that he would only use it to shoot someone at point blank range to defend himself, and he thinks he can zero in on someone by sound. Sure, we can be pretty accurate at that stuff, but I don't trust myself enough to use a gun based on what I can sense, and I would be a fool to do so.

He's now trying to appeal, and if his appeals expire, he's planning to file a discrimination claim. But even the ACLU won't help him. That's saying something. Dude, it's not discrimination, it's common sense! People who can't see what they're shooting...shouldn't be shooting! Hey chief, I think you can find other ways to defend yourself. You don't need a gun.

I'm Not A Doctor, But I've Been Trained By A Few

In my life, I've seen plenty of stupid. I've also experienced plenty of really stupid, fucking stupid and even a pretty fair dose of mind-blowingly fucking stupid. But never before have I seen something the likes of what I can only call
penis cream stupid.

The story goes like this. A school teacher allowed a random man to attempt over a 9 month period to cure a rash she developed by get this, repeatedly applying an ointment to her using the end of his penis. Why would somebody allow a random man to do this you ask. Well, apparently the random man had talked to a random gynaecologist friend of his who told him that a certain cream administered to the vagina via wang tip at different speeds and for different lengths of time would be just what the doctor ordered. I should also note that this random man would never give up the name of the random gynaecologist when asked, though this didn't seem to ring any alarm bells or anything.

But wait, there's more! The teacher also claims that she had to fork over thousands of dollars to pay for the cream, and a
later article
reporting that the case had been thrown out of court also mentioned that her mother didn't figure this out either and had helped pay for the treatments as well.

It wasn't made clear why the case was dismissed, but to me, one thing is for certain. Based on what I've seen here, this woman should not be teaching anybody anything. If she's telling the truth, it means that the clinically brain-dead are helping to shape the futures of our children. If she's not, it still means that the clinically brain-dead are helping to shape the futures of our children. she's either dumb enough to pay for 9 months worth of rape or she thinks that the rest of us are dumb enough to think she did, which should, in a sane world, elicit the same reaction either way.

Don't Drive in Bermuda

Here's why. Eeewww! Eeewww! Eeeewww!

Huh?

Physicist Claims Science Proves God's Existence

Does this make no sense to me because I'm no good at math or physics, or does it make no sense to me because like most matters of religion it makes no sense whatsoever? Discuss.

You expect who to do what?

Raaaar! That's what this news story made me do when I saw it on the 6:00 news.

Apparently, suicide is the leading cause of death in people ages 10-24. 10? good lord! That's not the part that makes me go raaar. This is. The school system has decided that they need to educate all the kids in how to look for signs of suicidal thought in their friends so *they* can catch it before it's too late. Then they had this little kid on the news saying, "I never knew the signs, but now I know, so now I can watch."

Are you starting to feel your head spin slowly? For me, it was a gradual bubbling of rage. It started off as sort of perplexing, then slightly disturbing, then I felt like I was going to explode. Why are we making children watch for signs of this in other children? Isn't that a little too much responsibility to put on the poor kids? Isn't it the job of Little Johnny's parents to notice when Little Johnny is falling off the rails? I know that a person is more likely to tell their friends these things than their parents, but at 10, I don't think it's right or fair to be having kids watching out to see if their friends might try and jump off a bridge. It's hard enough for adults to see the signs, and the way kids blame themselves for stuff that isn't even their fault, I think it's pretty shitty to put this burden on their shoulders. Am I wrong to feel upset that this is being expected of kids as young as 10? Do I not give them enough credit? Does this seem right to anyone?

Can You Hear Me Now? No? Great, Mission Accomplished!

Ok, here's the new most retarded thing I heard all time all my life.

Mobiles to be blocked for Bush

Mobile phone calls in sections of Sydney's CBD will reportedly be blocked during US President George Bush's APEC visit in September.

News Limited papers report the sophisticated counter-terrorism measure will be used to prevent mobile phone detonated remote-control bombs.

A helicopter fitted with signal-jamming equipment will shadow the President's motorcade.

It will block all mobile phone calls within an area the size of a football field.

I'm trying to figure out what this is going to accomplish. Sure it might prevent somebody from blowing you up with a phone, but logic therefore dictates that it would also prevent you from calling 911 with a phone if somebody decided to explode you the old-fashioned way.

The war on terror stuff was way out of hand a long time ago, but endangering public safety in a ridiculous attempt to protect it seems like a brand new low to me.

More Musical Weirdness

You never know where something will lead. Steve talked about a funny article about the five shittiest musical instruments. This got Ann Adams digging to find some other weird and wacky instruments, and she found some. She tried to leave a comment, but HaloScan was crapping on itself, so she sent the links to me.

She was looking for stuff on a particular instrument that is played with no hands. On her journey, she stumbled upon a whole gallery of weird musical instruments. They all had pictures and sound samples! Neat! I was playing around in there for quite a while, and found some wierd ones. A beer bottle organ? 29 hanging pot lids? Singing stones? Ok then.

Then she finally found what she was looking for, the Theremin! Now there's a weird instrument. I can't believe some people actually get all bent out of shape when it's used for sound effects in spooky movies because they think it should be taken seriously. God, some people have issues.

So there you have it, more weird instruments to listen to.

I'm Gonna Sue Your Ass!

I didn't think it would be possible, but the
Celebrity Butt Plug
thing I posted about last month just got even funnier.

It seems that there's more than one company making butt plug President Bush's, and feeling that there's only room for one President in the hearts and cracks of the public, these 2 companies are now in
a legal battle
over who has the right to produce them.

I hope they show this case on Court TV, because hearing judges and lawyers being forced to say words like butt plug would make it more than worth paying for cable.

When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie, That's...A Beer?

A couple of guys from the Chicago area have for some reason teamed up to create
Mama Mia Pizza Beer,
a beer that smells and tastes like a pizza because well, it's brewed using real pizza and pizza ingredients.

Gold Medal Winning Brewmaster, Mike Rybinski of Walter Payton's Roundhouse has teamed up with Award Winning Homebrewer, Tom Seefurth to brew his creation, "Mama Mia Pizza Beer".  Tom's beer is a Saison based light ale brewed with lots of real tomatoes, basil, oregano and garlic.  Just for fun they have tossed a few wood grilled pizzas from America's Brewpub into the mix. The final product smells and tastes like pizza so,  you can have your pizza and drink it too.

It sounds disgusting, but strangely enough I'd really like to try some. I wonder if it tastes like what happens when you eat pizza and drink beer and then they come up together at the end of the night.

I Know One Teacher Who Should Go to Hell

Wow. This story is another example of schools going to, well, hell.

An English teacher at Fillmore Central High School told her class to do travel brochures on places they'd like to visit. Michael Sattler decided he'd like to visit Hell. that's right, Hell, Michigan. There is a town called Hell, and he did his research and wrote a fine brochure all about it. He got a 0 and the teacher deemed it inappropriate because it mentioned hell all over it. Well, duh!

Disagreeing with this mark, Sattler's parents sent his brochure straight to Hell, where the unofficial mayor thought it was awesome. In return, he sent a box of Hell souvenirs and a "grumpier than hell" coffee mug for the teacher.

Now, in the world I wish we lived in, the teacher would have said, "Ok, you proved me wrong, there is a Hell on Earth, and it seems you did a good job. So I'll give you the mark I think you deserve." Then the class would have learned all about Hell and it would have been educational. Unfortunately, that's not where we live, because the principal of the school intercepted the box from Hell and said he'd send it back from whence it came. Why? because handing out the stuff would undermine the teacher's authority! I know this is getting old, but what the hell? It would show that teachers make mistakes and are human and it would show fairness. But that would be the wrong set of values to instill in our children, I guess.

So now, as agesture of good faith, the teacher is willing to give him a grade if he does another brochure on another town. That does not sound like good faith to me. That sounds like punishment. He did it, and got a perfect grade, but nothing in this story seems fair. It just goes to show that schools seem to be more about control and less about learning. What did they teach Michael Sattler? It'll be a cold day in hell, not Hell, before his school will show open-mindedness.

The Five Musical Instruments That Just Plain Suck The Most

I've always liked bagpipes and I used to know how to play the recorder pretty decently, but the writing here is hilarious and there's no way to argue that recorders aren't dangerous when they find their way into the wrong hands [which would be the hands of just about anyone], so here is one man's list of
the 5 shittiest musical instruments ever.

It Can't Be Just Me...Can It?

Carin and I were sitting around talking the other day when somehow the subject turned to sleep. I'm not sure how it came up, but I mentioned that I think it's weird that when you fall asleep with something on like a TV or radio, it always seems way louder when you wake up than it did when you went out. I thought that even though it was strange it was pretty common, but judging from the what in God's name are you talking about type reaction I got when I brought it up, I'm not so sure anymore. So now I'm turning to you the people to help straighten either myself or Carin out. Please tell me I'm not the only one who's ever fallen asleep to soft music and woken up to what sounds like a live concert or nearly had a heart attack after accidentally nodding off with the TV on because I'm sure that the cops are going to be at my door any minute to yell at me on behalf of the guy who lives on the other side of the wall. There's no way I can be the only person this happens to and Carin has got to be the odd one, but I thought I'd better post this just in case. So please, help me out here. I'm curious now and I probably won't be able to sleep until I get some kind of consensus one way or the other on this issue.

White Cane for a Black Dog

Um, wow. Trixie is making me famous. One thing that the school in San Rafael does is send press releases to local media about people coming home with their new woofs. I guess it caught the attention of the Guelph Tribune, so they asked me if they could get a photo and do a little story about us. I said sure, and here it is. I thought she did a pretty cool job. They apparently wanted to put my photo on the front. Um, eek. I don't know if I need that much fame. But people are seeing us and commenting, so I guess the story did its job. Here it is, in case it ever disappears out of Tribune-land.

Guelph Tribune, Canada
Friday, May 11, 2007

White Cane For a Black Dog

Tribune photo by Paige Hilton

For Carin Headrick, a guide dog brought welcome freedom and a lot of adjustments to daily life. Headrick, 28, was born blind and until now used a white cane to get around. Enter Trixie, a two-year-old black lab. "Everything's a bit of an art form," she said, like making sure Trixie is seated properly on a bus so her tail doesn't get stepped on. Headrick spent a month at the California school Guide Dogs for the Blind where she and Trixie trained together to learn how to navigate such things as escalators, busy public areas, stairways and overhead obstacles. Headrick said getting around with a white cane was slow going, and now she can't believe how quickly she goes places with Trixie. The dog also attracts a lot of attention, but is learning to do her job and ignore the coos from passersby. "When you have a cane, people look at you but they don't say anything. With a dog, everyone wants to talk to you," she said. The process to apply for Trixie was a long one, and Headrick said one of the funniest moments was when people from the school came to interview her and they went for a walk to practise with a dog harness. "Except on the other end was a man holding the harness, and we were walking downtown. He was saying 'hello' to people. People must have been staring, and he said 'Yup, everybody's looking.'"

Wanna know something freaky? There's this mailing list called blind news, where it's some poor person's job to hunt up all stories related to all things blinky, and they found me! And someone got me in a google news alert! Um, wow. I didn't know I'd be this famous.

I tried to move the photo into the story, here's hopin' I didn't break it. People tell me it's cute. Hope it is, or I've just humiliated myself. Anyway, hope the people who come looking for things about Trixie enjoy it. I know I haven't written too many Trixie things lately.

Who Neds a poofreader?

It seems that people don't care to check their own writing for errors anymore, and in places where they should. Lately, Steve and I have come across tons of instances of bad wording in newspaper headlines and ads. Um, is that a good idea?

One of the ads on our own site claimed to sell deaf products for deaf people. So the products are deaf? I didn't know my run-of-the-mill toaster, clock, lamp and TV could hear me. That's a scary thought. Another ad said it had visual impairment magnifiers. Why would anyone want to magnify their visual impairment? Wouldn't they want to lessen it? That seems to be a common mistake, because on another site that I was critiquing, because they asked me to, it told people to enhance low vision. Doesn't that mistake jump out at you as glaringly obvious? It didn't just tap me on the shoulder to make its presence known, it screamed at me. Another ad said it had equipment for people with severe disabilites. What's a disabilite? That one might only stand out to us because the computer is reading the screen and it doesn't fill in the missing letters like people's brains and eyes tend to do. But then another ad told me to behave my dog better. I think the publisher of that site may need an English lesson.

I see stuff in the newspaper, too, that surprises me. Our newspaper had to print corrections on corrections, for crying out loud. But headlines have gotten sloppy. One read, "Man killed in city crash." Our city crashed? Into what? How did I miss it? And how come more people weren't killed? Another read, "Police Officers Risk Lives to Save Man." Whose lives did they risk? Why would they risk other people's lives, and was it necessary? Did they risk my life and the paper was nice enough to inform me of it just now?

I've seen a few people's websites that are supposed to be the core of their business, and they're littered with typos. Do people not care about image anymore? Don't they want to look professional? Remember the candy shoppe? I wouldn't have guessed they were a reputable business based on the horrid typing. When I told them about this, they wanted me to catalogue all the errors and tell their webmaster. Uh, dude...isn't it enough that I brought it to your attention? Now it's your job to fix it. And don't even get me started on my friend the artist's website.

Don't people proofread anymore? Don't they care about being accurate? Or do they not have time? It's pretty sad, because they're making themselves look like fools.

Wiley Coyote, or Roadrunner?

Wow. This guy sounds like a piece of work. Michael Wiley has no arms and only one good leg, but he has managed to get into several police chases and get his license suspended. In the last chase, he actually got away from police. Impressive! He's not only known for his bad, or good, driving depending how you look at it, but he has beaten up his girlfriend with his head! What the hell? There are definitely some weird people out there.

I Don't See Anything Wrong with This, Do You?

When I read this story, all I could think was, what? That mixed with disgust were my only thoughts.

Where do I begin? Researchers at the University of Toronto and the University of Lethbridge have joined together to conduct a study on pedophiles. They want to pay 250 sex offenders $60 each to view pictures of fully dressed children and measure their responses. They want to measure two different kinds of pedophiles: the ones who have only downloaded child porn and the ones convicted of abusing children. This is, apparently, so they can better manage and treat pedophiles.

Feel the rage. Can you feel it? I know I can. Everytime I read this story, I have to sit for a second afterwards so the rage can discipate. First of all, why oh why would you pay criminals to view pictures of things related to their crime? That is so wrong, it's beyond words. Why why why would you think this is a good idea, and how in the blue bloody hell did you get it past an ethics board? I know the ethics boards are usually most concerned with the impact of a study on the participants, but even that raises red flags for me. If you're getting people who are sexually attracted to children to look at pictures of children, you are intentionally feeding their depravity! It's not like the only time they get the urge to sexually assault a child is right after they just saw one naked. They get attracted by watching kids play at the playground. And I think some of these guys are out on probation. So, by making them look at pictures of kids, you're going to steer their mind towards kids, making them more likely to reoffend, which is already something that is highly possible. Smart thinking there, Sparticus, real smart.

Second, I have a problem with their two groups of offenders. I assume they're dividing the sex offenders by conviction records. So, How do they know that the one group has only downloaded porn? How do they know they haven't molested children and just haven't been caught yet? They should know that the incidence of crime is much higher than the incidence of reported crime, which is higher than the actual conviction rate. I think most people know that. So how do they even know that they're dealing with two different groups?

Third, if you must do a study on pedophiles, why have them look at pictures? Why not ask them questions? I know measuring actual responses is more accurate, but in this case, I don't think measuring that stuff is such a good idea.

Finally, if you're going to conduct a study like this, you'd better give me a detailed explanation of how this is going to help society. No, "It will help us understand pedophilia better so we can better manage and treat pedophiles" doesn't cut it. Give me something I can attempt to grasp and has a snowball's chance of justifying the risk and the money spent encouraging pedophiles.

I'm still processing the fact that this research got the go-ahead, and even got a grant! I would be disgusted if something like this was being conducted on a voluntary basis, but the money is the final straw. Let's just hope that this study doesn't cause any of the participants to reoffend. I don't think any ethics board would want that on their head.

That's Not Supposed to be How the Story Ends!

Wow. This just doesn't seem fair. Remember all the difficulties Laura Baily had in keeping her seat on city council? Well, while I was gone to Guide Dog school, she lost a battle with cancer and passed away. It doesn't seem like the right ending to that story, does it?

Barenaked Ladies are Mean

You know what's sad? When a really good band releases an awesome album, and then follows it up immediately with something that spends half the time sucking monkey balls and half being sort of kind of decent. Why did the Barenaked Ladies have to do that?

They released Barenaked Ladies Are Me. It rocked! It was cool! I don't think there's a song on there that I don't at least like, and lots on there that I love. Plus that album will always have a special significance because of getting to see them live right after listening to it, but I think it still would have been a cool album without the concert.

Then they go and release Barenaked Ladies are Men. Ug why why why? Let's be logical. If you know this album consists of 16 rejects from the good album, why would you think it's a good idea to throw them all in the same album? Maybe it's time to rethink this. You're a good band, obviously you know what a *reject* is. Why would you release them all together? Maybe, if you thought they were ok enough to put on albums, you could squish them into albumvs slowly. But why make all your crap stand out?

It's a strange album. I don't know if I could really properly judge it because the crappy crap makes the sorta good stuff seem like the best stuff you've ever heard in your life. I did rip about half of the album because it was either listenable or I liked it. But the stuff that sucked, oh it sucksucksucksucked! It was like you were on a treadmill, never going anywhere. It actually made me try and figure out what makes good music good. Should I have to do that? I thought about how I like a pattern in music, but what's wrong with this pattern, and why is it boring?

When I listen to an album of theirs the first time, I like to give it all my attention, but the sucky stuff was so monotonous that I started doing other things, and waiting, praying for the song to end. Some stuff would start off sucking right from the beginning, and some songs would make you think they had potential, and then promptly crap all over themselves. And some songs would just go on too long.

And then there were the few good songs. They did a really good one about the George W. Bush government, that oddly sounded like Bank Job from Barenaked Ladies are Me...which brings me to another point. They must have really liked that Bank Job tune, because they created 3 songs along the same lines. It's pretty neat that you can make 3 different songs out of the same tune, two of them being good. The third one was just weird. Quality biology enhanced with high technology? What the hell? Oh well, they're the Barenaked Ladies, and if they can get away with "Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious, hey watch me now, I'm furious." I guess they can do this.

So the moral of the story is this album is far from hot stuff. If you really want it, wait for someone to buy it, go "blech!" and turn it in so you can buy it used. Otherwise, I think you can do without it. You, and your pocketbook, will be much happier, trust me.

Say A Prayer For The Kids Today

A little over a year ago, I
posted
a short note about a Sudanese man who was forced to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with it. Well, today I have the sad duty of reporting that the goat has
died
after choking on a plastic bag she tried to eat while picking up scraps on a local street.

I know that I will be keeping the "goat defiler" in my thoughts today, and I hope that all of you will do the same. It's the least we can do to help him through this tragic time.

So Who's Flinging the Bullshit?

I got an email the other day filled with rage at a couple of TV talkshow hosts. According to this email, the hosts in question were spewing hate-speech, being disrespectful and patronizing, calling people with disabilities "the handicapped," and were making fun of every kind of disability, leaving noone untouched. They were bashing the ADA and calling it bullshit. This email was demanding that everyone approach disability advocacy groups and get these horrid men off the air. The email also mentioned that there were videoclips up on YouTube of this disgusting display of disrespect. That made me too curious, so off I went on a YouTube search to see this for myself.

It didn't take me too long, since the email mentioned the cohosts' names were Penn and Teller. Weee! Jackpot! here, here, and here. It's all the same 30-minute or so show, just split in 3 parts with no attempt to split in logical spots, just splat! in the middle of a word.

I watched all three parts. Were they disrespectful? Sort of, but that's just their style. That's the way they act for their audience. Oddly, I got the feeling they were trying to tone some of it down. Did they use the words "the handicapped?" Sure, but I could give two shits about the word they used. I believe it's the sentiment, not the word, that counts. Were they mocking every disability? I didn't see it as such! Sure they mentioned lots of disabilities, but that's the point of doing a show on the Americans with, um, disabilities, act. If they didn't mention certain disabilities, I would bet money that people would be pissed that their group was excluded. Was it hate-speech? Absolutely not! They were trying to make a point, and doing it in their loud-mouthed style.

Yep, they called the ADA bullshit, but not in the way that the email claimed. They felt it went too far, was too vague about what a disability was, and they felt it made it too easy for people to sue people on the grounds of not being accommodated under the ADA. They spoke to people with disabilities who didn't like the ADA, they spoke to a few who were in favour of the act, and they made a huge point of one dude who used the ADA as an excuse to sue the asses off of anyone he could. They made some good points about how some things that sound ridiculous are classified as a disability. They talked about how it was a good idea, but now it's gone out of control.

Do I agree with everything they say? Hell no. They think that the government should not be forcing public places of business to be accommodating because if they want the business of people with disabilities, they'll just do it. Obviously these folks have no grasp of how many barriers there are out there, how long they have been there, and how slooooowly they are being taken down. They say that it should be up to the people with disabilities and their families to advocate for what they want, case by case. A fine idea, in theory. If they truly put it into practice, they might run smack into a wall. They talk about how people can get sued under this law and get threatened with it all the time. Um, that's the case with any law. The ADA is no different. And there's one statement that kind of mystifies me. Maybe I'm missing something and someone can help me out here. At one point, Penn says that ADA advocates compare the fight of people with disabilities to the fight that Rosa Parks had to have a seat on the bus. Then these same advocates say that at the end of her life, Rosa Parks had to fight for her ability to get on the bus using her wheelchair...except, he says, that never happened. And Rosa Parks was kept off the bus because of Jim Crow laws of segregation, where as people with disabilities are being kept off the bus because of Sir Isaac Newton's laws of Physics. So what is he saying there, that the two shouldn't even be compared? That Newton's laws of physics is a more justifiable reason to keep people with physical disabilities off the bus? I hope it's the first, in the sense that I hate it when advocates for any cause whip out the Rosa Parks card. They have to realize that it just makes people mad. It doesn't help. But he didn't make it clear what he meant, so I was left trying to process what he'd just said for a while.

So should these so-called assholes be dragged from the airwaves kicking and screaming? No! They have the right to express their views as much as we do. We may not agree with them all, but that's the way things go. Sometimes, people get way too protective of their point of view. Chill out, people! Use your energy to fight a real battle, and let this go.

I can feel our IQ dropping.

Ug the news. Sometimes it pisses me off. I've already bitched about the lameness of some news stories, but the story I saw tonight brought lameness to a brand new low.

Ok, the story was that some coffee-consumption could help prevent colon cancer and would help your liver, but drinking too much of it would cause you to get other cancers. They then said that children and pregnant women are strongly advised against drinking coffee. Um, duh! Do we need this stated again? What a waste of time.

And it gets better. The World Health Organization, you know, the body that tracks epidemics and the containment of these epidemics, said that we have a one in ten chance of being the victim of a medical error if we are hospitalized. And here were their three big pieces of advice for doctors and nurses. Get ready for these, these pearls of wisdom will knock your socks off. Can I have a drum-roll please? They are:

1. Double-check the names of similar-sounding drugs.


2. Wash your hands frequently,

and the scariest of all,

3. Use needles only once!

Are you gasping? I hope so. These nice reporters must be telling me that these are things that doctors and nurses don't already know and use as well-established practices! Was I transported to the third world without knowing it? I'm scared that the WHO felt it necessary to remind doctors and nurses that they need to check meds, wash their hands, and throw away used needles. The first one, I can half understand happening rarely, like in an insane shift where you barely have time to breathe and stuff just keeps happpening. but this apparently happens frequently! Yikes! Ug I need to know what hospitals they visited so I can never wind up in one of them. Sometimes the news frightens me, but not in the way you'd expect.

Defaced Book?

My friend should be glad he didn't have an employer like this. Hell, he beheaded his employee for not milking his cows, imagine what he would have done if the man had talked badly about him to his friends!

They call it Facebook for a reason.

Man, I've been seeing all these stories on the news telling people to be careful about what they post on websites like Facebook and My Space, and I always thought, "This is news? To whom? Shouldn't people already know that a site designed to connect people is a place where you are choosy about how much you let them connect with?" I thought this until...

I actually had a friend tell me he did something that you just shouldn't do on these websites.

Ok, he works for a company. He's not particularly fond of his job, but it pays the bills, so what the hell? He joins Facebook, and finds a group entitled "I hate xxx company but I still work there anyway." Just so we're clear, xxx company is *his* place of employment. Feeling happy that he's found comrades who share his hatred of this company, and I guess feeling relatively secure, he posts a rant which I wish I could read, but I think I have to join Facebook to see it, and I won't do that. His supervisor finds his choice words, and he gets a swift meeting with his bosses saying that he'd better shape up or he's gone.

Helloooo! First of all, Facebook isn't as anonymous a place as the rest of the internet. You have a username, and since it is Facebook, they usually encourage you to put your picture up there. So if your name is John Smith, you pick a username like jsmith, something my poor friend might have done since he's not the most creative with his usernames, and your ugly mug is up on the site, I don't think your boss will have too much trouble finding out who said he could shove his performance quotas where the sun doesn't shine.

Second, Facebook is a social networking site designed to help people find each other. Ranting about work is not something that you want your coworkers to find. So as much as I look at my friend and go "Why?! why?! why?!" I also think the person who set up the group is doubly stupid, especially putting the company's name in the group title! Way to bring flames.

I can hear people now, saying I have a blog with references to people on it, so I'm just as stupid. I don't think so. I only put people's full names on the blog if they're already in the newspaper. To know who other people are, you'd have to know me personally. Plus, my whole name isn't up on this site. If you google my name, all you know is that I'm a bit of a geek. I try from time to time to see what comes up. Plus, I think I know what is safe to put up on the blog and what should stay off the net. I may be proven wrong some day, but so far, so good.

I will never join Facebook. Or, if I must for some reason or another, I will only put up the barest of details. Why? Read this post, and I think you'll understand. Some people might love it, but for me, I think it's a recipe for disaster.

DO NOT YELL AT BLIND PEOPLE and Other Common Sense Tips

I know I've said this stuff before, but somebody sent me a funny version of it, with some new and interesting twists on it, so I figured it should go up. I figure you can never repeat this stuff enough.

Ten tips for interacting with people who are blind

By: Shelley Johns
Shreveport Times, Louisiana, April 19, 2007

Shelley Johns lives in Bossier City.

My father is blind, as are both of my uncles, so growing up with blind people has given me some insight (no pun intended) into how not to treat blind people.

First, when out in public, if you happen to see a blind person, do not stare! Although, the blind person cannot see you, the family members of the blind person can and speaking from personal experience, it can send a sighted family member into a rage where you will be verbally abused and/or made an example of.

Second, when a blind person is ready to order at a restaurant, please do not assume that they are not of mental capacity to place the order for themselves. Nothing makes a blind person angrier than when a waiter or waitress asks the person sitting with the blind person what the blind person wants to eat.

Third, speaking loudly to the blind person is not going to make him or her see you. This may be shocking, but sight is not triggered by loud noise and yelling at a blind person will only result in a bloody nose, and/or cane whop, because no one likes to be yelled at.

Fourth, offering help to a blind person is OK but only if the blind person asks for it. There are some exceptions to the rule. For example, if you see a blind person about to run directly into a wall, then stopping them is acceptable. However, a blind person doesn't normally run into walls because they are normally armed with a cane, escort or seeing-eye dog.

Fifth, moving furniture in the path of a blind person is completely unacceptable - well, unless you are the blind person's spouse, son or daughter and they have just made you mad. It is not recommended though because the blind person has acute hearing and anything you are doing sneaky can be heard from a blind person several rooms away.

Sixth, do not treat blind people like they are stupid. Asking stupid questions or dumbing-down a conversation is completely ridiculous. In most cases, the blind person is highly educated and conversation with a blind person can be a learning experience.

Seventh, do not offer to "carry" a blind person somewhere unless you have a really strong back and fully intend to lug the blind person on your back. Leading them somewhere is OK; however, carrying them is not suggested.

Eighth, when helping a blind person descend a flight of stairs, do not grab underneath their arm, lifting half their body, forcing them to hop down the stairs on one leg. This is hazardous to the blind person, as well as yourself.

Ninth, give them the respect that you would give anyone else and don't treat them differently. While stupidity may be contagious, blindness is not.

Tenth, and finally, if you are going to ask a blind person about their blindness, for goodness sake, just ask. In most cases, they do not mind answering your questions, however, wording it in a way that is insulting to their intelligence is not recommended.

In conclusion, I believe that I have covered the most important bases on how not to treat a blind person so please use this guide wisely.

Some of those surprised me. I've never been made to hop down stairs, and no one has offered to carry me somewhere and I'm not even five feet tall!! I can't imagine having someone offering to carry me, and being a fully-grown man.

And in the leading a blind person part, I would have added, do not try to lead them by the end of their cane, by their dog's leash, and if you can avoid it, don't herd them like a cow. Let them grab your elbo if possible. If their hands are full of stuff, or there is some other reason why this is not possible, then other ways of leading are cool.

Hope you enjoyed that. It made me chuckle, so I thought it might be fun to post. Plus, I hadn't posted since Friday! What's that? Something not cool, that's what it is.