Stream's Down In The Sun

This is Wrestlemania weekend. If you're the kind of fan I am, this weekend is kind of what it would be like if they played the World Series on Christmas while the Stanley Cup Finals were going on across the street. For pro wrestling, it doesn't get any bigger than this.

Of course there's Wrestlemania, but in the last few years the weekend around that has grown into so much more. Smaller companies like Ring of Honor and Dragon Gate USA have taken advantage of all eyes being on one area to run shows leading up to Mania. It's brilliant, really. It gives people from all over the world the chance to see your product and hopefully become lifelong fans. And now with internet pay-per-view becoming a viable option, things have the chance to get even bigger since people who didn't make the trip can still be there as long as they've got something that can stream.

At least that's the idea.

When IPPV works, it's an awesome concept. It's much cheaper to produce and therefore cheaper to sell than regular pay-per-view, so it's a win win for companies and fans. Bandwidth is also, for the most part anyway, easy enough to come by that broadcasting things in television quality is doable.

But when it doesn't work, you get Friday and Saturday for the poor folks at Ring of Honor.

The shows themselves were great. I loved pretty much everything I managed to see, and from what people in the building were saying, everything else was a lot of fun to watch. But the key part of that sentence is what "I managed to see." There's no way you can consider the live streaming of this weekend's shows to be anything other than just about a complete disaster.

Friday was a debacle from the get go. At first I thought the constant buffering was the fault of either Rogers or my increasingly crappy computer, but Twitter quickly set me straight on that. I don't know if it was an issue with Go Fight Live (the stream provider), a problem with the internet connection in the building or a combination of the 2, but the result of whatever was going on was a complete mess. It buffered, it died, the audio and video were out of sync with each other sometimes by as much as 30 seconds, and then the audio became choppy and impossible to listen to. I gave up shortly after the second half of the show started, and judging from the conversations I had and saw I hung on longer than many.

I was bummed out because I'd really been looking forward to these shows, but things happen. They'll put up the cleaned up replay and all will be right with the world.

Yeah...about that.

So I get home from doing some running around and decide ok, I'll watch the second half of the show so I can catch up on what I missed before this afternoon's event starts. All goes swimmingly. I'm watching, I'm doing a few things around the house, I'm generally enjoying myself. And then, right in the middle of a match, it stops. Dead. Again, I'm thinking it's probably my fault. Again, thanks for bailing me out, Twitter. Somehow, the version of the show that Go Fight Live put up wasn't complete. I'm a very patient, easy going guy, but seriously, after the mess the night before and how apologetic everybody was, how do you fuck that up? the live event falling on its face I can handle because like I said, things happen. But when you don't get your make good right, you're entering serious give everybody a refund or a free gift whether they ask for it or not territory.

I decide to put the anger behind me. I'm sure the match and a half I missed would have been worth seeing, but you can't win 'em all. Today is a new day, a better day.

Yeah...about that.

Things started off so well. Not a skip or a stop or a jump to be found. This reminds me more of my first IPPV experience. Let's relax and enjoy the afternoon...uh-oh. It happened. the stream tanks again, and it's not coming back. A note pops up on the stream page that there's been a power outage in the building. these shows are cursed.

Eventually things were fixed and I got to see some good action and an amazing main event, but not before at least 2 matches and a promo segment were completely missed.

As I mentioned, I'm a patient guy. The problem that I hope Ring of Honor doesn't run into is that a lot of people aren't me. As big as this weekend is, there are going to be fans giving the product a try for the first time. Probably a lot of them. And if this is their first experience, it's not going to leave a good taste in their mouths. If this had been my first crack at it, I sure as hell would have to think long and hard before I parted with my money again, even if it's only 20 bucks.

To anybody who bought the shows and was disappointed, I say this. You have every right to be upset. You paid good money for a product that you largely didn't get. but please, don't take it out on Ring of Honor. As they always do, everybody there from the bookers to the guys that do the wrestling gave everything they had to put on the best shows they possibly could put on. ROH is a company worth supporting and as a small company, all of that support really does count. It counts for a lot. They didn't set out to screw you. If anything, all the trouble this weekend screwed them. They arguably had more eyes on them this weekend than ever before, and this is what happened. It's certainly not what anybody could have wanted, and I assure you it's not the usual webcast experience. Give them another try. You won't regret it.

Before I drop this topic and get out of here, I want to talk about the two best things I saw this weekend.

1. Lance Storm and Mike Bennett had a hell of a wrestling match. Had it not been for the main event of day 2, it probably would have been my favourite of the weekend by miles. I didn't see it live, but it made it into the replay so I was able to watch it this morning. There are lots of reasons why this match was great. the story leading to it was easy to understand. Old man wanting to teach a young punk some respect. In the ring, it told that story perfectly. but above all else, I knew who was going to win going in. Not just because it should have been obvious, but because I saw the result on Twitter as I was following along. but even though I knew what would happen, I still found myself cheering my heart out for a guy I knew was losing in the end. they sucked me in and made me hang on everything they did, almost to the point of forgetting about that whole spoiler thing. that, to me, is the mark of a great wrestling match.

2. Davey Richards and Michael Elgin. Ring of Honor made themselves another star today. Up to now it seems like most people have been largely indifferent to Elgin. He's a big strong guy who can move, but like hell he's going to be able to hang with Davey Richards, who some people consider among the best wrestlers in the world. But not only did he hang, he won that crowd over. By the end of the match even I was standing...alone...in my living room...counting and even cheering along a little. In one match Michael Elgin went from a pretty impressive strong dude to the guy who damn near beat Davey Richards and made it look like he probably should have. At a couple of points they were in danger of turning things into a spot fest that was going to go on too long, but they held it together and delivered one of the best matches I've seen this year. I haven't looked at Twitter, but I hope I find that people stuck out the power problems and were there to see it. It made all the technical garbage seem much more worth the trouble.

If you didn't see the shows, buy the replay which will hopefully be complete by the time you see it or wait and get the DVDs. If you don't like what you're getting from the big companies and want something that feels more like wrestling, ROH is almost certainly for you.

The Real Mitt Romney

Wow. This Hugh Atkin fellow sure put a lot of work in on this one. Nicely done.

This One Man Band Is Better Than Some Multi-person Bands

Really, what the hell can I say about this other than seriously, this is all one guy? Colour me amazed. I have no idea what this song is about because it's sung in I think Croatian, but this dude is awesome.

What's The SMS Shorthand For Take A Long Walk Off A Short Pier?

Considering that my afternoon yesterday was highlighted by a distracted guy roaring out of a bank, ploughing into me, kicking me in the bad ankle and bending the hell out of my white cane as he fell on his face, it's kind of funny that the first thing I see when I start looking for post ideas again is the story of Bonnie Miller.

Miller, as so many do these days, decided it was just fine to walk around while texting. Unfortunately for her, her chosen path was the South Pier in St. Joseph, Michigan and her destination, whether she liked it or not, wound up being the lake at the end of it.

Police arrived on the scene about 9:30 PM Monday and pulled the 45-year-old woman to safety. Another woman had already jumped in to help, but it's not noted if she needed to be rescued as well.

I'm hoping we get video of this like we did when Cathy A. Cruz Marrero fell into the mall fountain and then tried to sue everybody a year or so back.

Can I Have Your Password Is A Bad Interview Question, And Yes Is An Even Worse Answer

Job seeker balks at request to provide Facebook login

The article mentions it, but it's worth pointing out again that this is hardly a new thing. I've seen stories through the years of various companies and agencies asking for this type of information. It's troubling that employers think that this is ok in any way, and it's sad that people are in such need that they feel they have no other choice but to comply with what can only be seen as an unreasonable request.

And to those who think it is reasonable, I ask you this: Would you let a job interviewer rifle through your purse, wallet, backpack, briefcase, pockets, car, house, safe or anything else you can think of? You'd probably think it would be insane to allow that, and you'd be right. So, how is this any different? If the profile is private, that basically means what goes on there is none of anybody's damn business aside from those it's been shared with, just like what goes on behind the closed doors of a person's home.

I understand a company wanting to know as much about an employee as possible, but too bad. You can't bug a person's home, and you can't stalk their private life online if it's locked down. All that matters is what kind of a worker you're getting on the clock. If I'm a criminal, I'll be discovered. We have police forces who do a mostly mighty fine job at doing that kind of thing.

The only way anybody should even think about agreeing to fork over passwords is if the company first agrees in writing to pay you your hourly wage 24/7, 365. If they want to essentially be your boss around the clock and make you their representative at all times, then they should be paying for your services like they do when you're at the office.

The internet is a great tool, and employers should definitely be using it. If there's public info out there on a person you want to hire, by all means, have at it. Plenty of people leave their social network profiles open for the world to see. But if my virtual window is closed and the shades are drawn, it's your duty to respect that. Nobody should respect or want to work for any company that can't or won't understand this.

Ahh So We Left A Kid. Big Deal, We Have More

One of the questions some parents seem to struggle with is how many kids do I want, and how will I know when enough is enough? The answer varies from family to family, but I think we can all agree that when you can take all 10 of yours and 9 of their friends to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and then forget to bring the birthday girl home and not realize it until the next morning, you've hit your limit.

According to cops, the 32-year-old woman, who has not been identified, had gone to Chuck E. Cheese last Thursday evening to celebrate the five-year-old girl’s birthday. Along with her 10 children, nine other kids attended the celebration.

At the party’s conclusion, the woman somehow left the birthday girl behind at the restaurant. After the child was discovered by restaurant employees around 11 PM, she was unable to provide any details that allowed cops to figure out the identities of her parents (or how to contact them). As a result, the girl was placed in emergency custody.

It wasn’t until Friday at about 8 AM--nine hours after she departed Chuck E. Cheese--that the mother called 911 to report that her daughter was missing. The girl’s MIA status was discovered as the woman was preparing her children for school.

The girl is still living with child welfare officials, while mommy dearest is now the subject of two separate investigations. One by the sheriff’s department to probe possible child endangerment and one by the aforementioned child welfare officials that needs no further explanation.

She Must Like Me. She Let Me Meet Her Mom On Just Our Second Robbery

Believe it or not, John Jardini isn't the first guy to try this particular pick-up trick. This sort of thing has happened before. At least twice, actually.

Jardini allegedly took $60 from a girl he confronted on Brownsville Road and Nobles
Lane.

She had just gotten off a bus and was waiting for her mother.

After the robbery, Jardini called the woman on his cell phone twice, asking her if she had a boyfriend and if she wanted to go out with him.

Police got a search warrant for Jardini’s phone records and were on the verge of tracking him down, but then Jardini reportedly assaulted the same girl and her mother outside Zack’s Market on Brownville Road.

Obviously, the only one who ended up getting picked up that night was Jardini, by police who arrested him at the scene. Their date went so well they plan on keeping him around for a trial.

Hey Honey, Get A Picture Of Me With This Bar From My Cell

This site and many others are full of stories about dumb things criminals have posted on Facebook. It's gotten to the point where it's almost not weird or funny anymore, so we let a lot of them slip bye without comment.

But every now and then you run across a Steven Mulhall. A thief who's not content to go unmentioned and will seemingly take just about anything to make sure his name gets out there.

Mulhall was in court last month answering to some misdemeanour theft charges when he decided he'd snag himself a little souvenir to take home. His choice? The nameplate from the courtroom door of Judge Michael Orlando.

So proud was Mulhall of his new possession that he just had to get a picture of himself posing with it. And it's at this point where I announce that we can prove conclusively that stupid is in fact contagious. I don't know if Steven Mulhall has a Facebook page of his own, but his girlfriend does. And for reasons known only to them, her page quickly became that picture's new home. An anonymous tip later, the crime was solved and the county jail once again became Mulhall's new home.

His girlfriend hasn't been charged with anything yet and may not be, since there may be no way to prove that she did anything other than post a foolish photo of somebody else. Mulhall, on the other hand, is now facing felony charges. It would have been a misdemeanour, but because of his history, the theft of something valued at $40 is being treated much more seriously.

Next time, and there will be a next time, just write the judge's name down if remembering it is that important. And don't forget to bring your own paper so you don't have to snatch any. We'd hate to give off the vibe that you're a habitual offender.

Wait, You Studied Where?

As somebody who has written things for a good while now, I can't help but be just a bit disgusted and disappointed when I see stories like the tale of Jon Flatland.

Flatland, a former newspaper owner and now former humour columnist, has recently been exposed as one of the worst plagiarists in the history of newspapering by some of the people he's been ripping off.

But as sad as stuff like this is, it's not all doom and gloom for a guy like myself. I mean just check out some of his credentials, one in particular. Maybe the warning signs were there all along.

Poynter has obtained a copy of Flatland’s resume, which lists stints at newspapers in Missouri, Minnesota and North Dakota going back to 1985 and numerous awards, including the 2009 North Dakota Newspaper Association Appreciation Award for Best Humor Columnist, the 1998 North Dakota Education Association Media Courage Award, and the 1987 Red Falls, Minn., Jaycee of the Year. In the resume, Flatland says he was educated at Bemidji State University and Thief River Falls Technical Institute in Minnesota.

Even a humour columnist who actually writes his own material can't make up gold like that.

I'll Ring Your Taco Bell, Mom!

What would a lovely spring day such as this be without a little bit of food-related family violence? Incomplete, say I.

Christopher Phillips got into an argument with his mother Rebecca, 55, “because Rebecca used Christopher’s salsa and taco sauce on her dinner,” according to a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report.

After Phillips got in his mother’s face “screaming and yelling,” he allegedly “grabbed Rebecca in a head lock causing pain to her neck and breaking her eye glasses,” noted investigators.

And it didn't end there.

Not satisfied that mom had learned her lesson, Phillips' live-in girlfriend Lisa tyre decided to get in on the action. According to police, she started out simply by yelling and screaming, but soon bumped it up to smacking her in the face 4 times, cutting the inside of her lip.

The pair was arrested and charged with misdemeanour domestic battery. Phillips is being held in lieu of $750 bond while Tyre was released on her own recognizance.

A Shocking Crime

Here's a post that most definitely needs itself a soundtrack.



36-Year-old Michael Harper has been sentenced to a year in prison for an attempted metal theft at a power substation in Leicester, England. But that's small potatoes compared to the sentence of life long disfigurement he received while the crime was in progress.

Remember how your mom and dad used to always tell you to make sure you go to the bathroom before you head out? Well, either Harper's family didn't get around to imparting that life lesson or he's a terrible listener. Whatever went wrong, he found himself faced with the when ya gotta go, ya gotta go reality at a most inopportune moment. Doing the only thing he could, he unzipped and let fly...right onto an electrical transformer.

2,000 Homes and businesses were left without power thanks to the subsequent explosion, and Harper was left burning on the floor by Richard Boyce, his ever so helpful accomplice.

for his part in the incident, Boyce was sentenced to 4 years. Not sure why the sentences were so much different, but perhaps there was a feeling that having his nuts grilled to a crisp was almost punishment enough for poor Mr. Harper.

There's not a whole lot more I can say about this, so if anybody needs me, I'll be wiping the tears out of my eyes and trying to pry my legs back open.

Special Delivery

I may be wrong, but I always thought one of the first rules of the break and enter was make sure you have an easy way in so you don't end up like this kid.

Northern Ireland police say a passing patrol spotted the 17-year-old wrestling to free himself from a house's front door before sunrise Thursday. They say he had tried to reach the door's inner lock via the letterbox flap but his arm became hopelessly trapped.

Firefighters dismantled the door but left the letterbox clamped to the boy's arm until they reached a police station, where it was safely removed.

Police didn't release the boy's name because he hasn't yet been charged with a crime.

Um...why not?

Poor Little Guy. He Never Even Heard It Coming

Not much to say here but it made me laugh, so a posting we will go.

BERLIN (AP) -- An earless baby bunny that was a rising star on Germany's celebrity animal scene had his 15 minutes of fame brought to an abrupt end when he was accidentally stepped on by a television cameraman.

The fate of 17-day-old Til, a bunny with a genetic defect, was plastered across German newspapers on Thursday, the same day a small zoo in Saxony was to have presented him to the world at a press conference.

It was also the same day his fate was plastered across a shoe.

I half expected to read that sentence in the article, but I guess that's why I don't work in the "real media."

Vince Russo's New Gig

When you have a track record like his, this takes either an amazing lack of self awareness or the world's largest testicles and bottomless vats of shamelessness.

BABY FACES, BLADE JOBS and BOOKING

Everything you wanted to know about writing a professional wrestling show but were afraid to ask.

A SEMINAR HOSTED BY VINCE RUSSO

During the years of 1995-2012, Vince Russo was one of the most controversial figures in the history of sports entertainment/professional wrestling, while serving as the head writer of all three major wrestling companies, WWE, WCW and TNA.

During that tenure, Russo wrote over a thousand televised wrestling shows--which achieved some of the highest ratings of all time-- while also having a hand in helping create some of the biggest stars in the history of the business.  From Stone Cold Steve Austin to “The Rock”, Russo has written for just about anybody who’s anybody in the world of sports entertainment/pro wrestling. 

Whether it was in front of the camera, or behind the scenes, Russo has played an influential part in helping to bring the drama of the squared circle to the forefront of American pop culture.

Now, in this limited engagement and for the first time ever, Russo is going to bring the “behind the curtain” aspect of his job, into the spotlight, by sharing his craft and experience with wrestling fans around the world.  In his ground-breaking seminar entitled, “Baby Faces, Blade Jobs, and Booking, “, Russo is going to share first hand, what it takes to be a successful writer in the world of sports entertainment/professional wrestling.

Just some of the topics Russo will be covering in this no-holds-barred presentation:

·         Where to get your start in writing for a professional wrestling organization.
·         How to use the experience you’ve built to get in the door of one of the major companies
·         How to create larger-than-life personas and personalities
·         Writing effective dialogue for specific characters
·         How to format a wrestling show
·         How to generate new ideas 52-weeks out of the year
·         How to present and sell your idea to a talent
·         How to create a successful working environment between talent and writer
·         Dealing with egos
·         Overcoming writer’s block
·         Avoiding the pitfalls of politics
·         How to generate ratings
·         The difference between “writing” a show and “booking” a show

Baby Faces, Blade Jobs and Booking; nothing will no longer be sacred!!

I think he missed a few topics on his list there, such as...

• Making yourself look competent by having people who know what they're doing filter out most of your really dumb ideas.
• the art of the interview: How to talk circles around questions and make people believe that your dumb ideas really weren't that dumb after all when they think about it.
• Writing storylines so complicated that your announcers can't understand them even when they've been repeatedly explained to them.
• Who needs a beginning, middle and end? How to structure a storyline starting from the middle, then kind of explain it, then change something, then do what looks like the end, go back to the middle again and then drop it and never speak of it again.
• How to book unpredictable swerves so many times that the biggest swerve is when you don't book one.
• The something on a pole match and why you can never have too many of them.
• How to help your employer get crushed in a racial discrimination lawsuit. Yes, in a freaking wrestling company, no less!
• From stipulation match to regular wrestling match: How to book a feud completely ass backwards.
• All women are bitches, skanks and whores and should always be written at a high school level or women weren't nice to me growing up so let's subject what's left of the audience to my revenge booking.

I'm sure there are more, but there's only so much time to hit everything in these seminars, you understand.

You know what they say about fools and their money. Unless he treats it like opposite land, anybody who pays for Vince Russo's booking advice deserves exactly what he gets.

Print Encyclopedias Just Got One Step Closer To Death. What Are We Supposed To Do With All The New Shelf Space?

Newsflash, people in my age range. We're getting old. Encyclopaedia Britannica Gives Up On Print Edition

That's right, the era of the giant bookshelves full of encyclopedias in the living room or the library is coming to an end. We all knew this day would come because it's 2012 and you can find all of the world's information online in about 30 seconds if you're good at Google, but it's still somehow surprising and a little strange knowing it's finally happening.

Britannica isn't going away completely though, it's just kicking it's addiction to tree carcusses. You can buy it in DVD and online digital formats if you're into things much more fact based than Wikipedia. And if you want to own a piece of history in the form of the final print edition, you can still buy one for a cool $1,395. Given the current state of the universe, that price tag explains quite a bit, I think.

Run for President

Rich De Steno, who you might recall is the man who gave the world Destination Mars, emailed to let me know that another of his old games has been updated to work on Windows. It's Run for President, the other one I remember playing back in the day.

The object is to fly around the U.S.A. and claim states and their Electoral votes. If you get 270 of them, you win and become president. But just like with Mars, it's not easy. You only have so much money, and it can be hard to hold onto it. It's also, at least based on the game I just tanked big time, much easier to lose states to the computer than it used to be. Part of the reason for this is that there are now trivia questions you must answer along the way. If you can remember who was President when and how to spell everything you should be ok, but it definitely adds a new wrinkle to things especially if you're Canadian like me.

The game is free, and if you'd like to take a run at it so to speak, you can grab it here.

Have fun.

No Cash, No Cigars, No Sovereignty

Naah, this doesn't seem like an amazing overstepping of legal or moral boundaries or anything. Nope, not at all. US snubs out legal cigar transaction

Authorities in the US have refused to return 137,000 kroner that was confiscated from a Danish policeman who attempted to legally purchase Cuban cigars from Germany.

Torben Nødskouv intended to resell the cigars through his small business Cigarhuset and made the transaction in dollars with a Hamburg-based distributor. But the transaction, which was automatically routed through the US, was picked up by American authorities who froze the money, arguing that the transaction violated the American trade embargo with Cuba.

If you're anything like me, right about now the logical part of your brain is going but but but! There are two people making a legal transaction that through no fault of either of them just so happened to get routed through a country that should have nothing whatsoever to do with it! What's the problem?

And if there is a problem, it should be easy to fix, right? Just return the guy's money, tell him not to route any of his dirty Cuba supporting cash through your sacred financial system ever again and send him on his way. Seems reasonable enough.

Well, nuh-uh!

We're dealing in logic, but that's not how this stuff works. The United States has decided that they're keeping his money, for reasons that make about as much sense as their snagging it in the first place.

A US treasury official has told the Copenhagen Post that the Cuban Assets Control Regulations generally prohibit U.S banks and financial institutions from providing financial services related to transactions involving Cuba. They would not comment on individual cases.

So yeah, then why not kick the transfer back with that explanation and let them find another way? I get that the U.S. has a debt problem, but there have to be better ways to create extra cash than outright theft from citizens of other countries.

More On The Right And Wrong Of Robocalls

I can't say that this comes as much of a surprise.

The Guelph Mercury has reported that Marty Burke has filed a complaint with Elections Canada over the robocalls made by Frank Valeriote around the same time as somebody was blatantly misleading the public.

Commissioner of Canada Elections                                                                                                                                                                        c/o
Elections Canada                                                                                          

Dear Commissioner, 

I wish to file an official complaint with your office concerning an incident that happened in the Guelph EDA during the 41st Federal Election.

On April 30, 2011 a recorded voice message was sent to an unknown number of Guelph residents. The actual transcript of the voice message:

“Hi, I’m Laurie MacDonald of Guelph.  I’m appalled by what I read in the Mercury today.  I’ve been an advocate for women’s rights for most of my life. Conservative candidate Marty Burke believes that under absolutely no circumstance should a woman have a right to choose.

Government should not be able to force their beliefs onto me.  We live in a multi-faith, multi-cultural society.  Let’s move forward and not back.

The race in Guelph is very close, vote strategically on Monday to protect our hard earned rights from the Conservatives and Marty’s extreme views.”

I believe this message violates Section 320 of the elections act in that it does not indicate “in or on the message that its transmission was authorized by the official agent of the candidate or by the registered agent of the party”. In other words, it was a deliberate attempt to sway voters away from the Conservative Party while remaining anonymous. 

Secondly, under the CRTC Unsolicited Telecommunications Rules (which are applicable in elections), such calls “shall display the originating telecommunications number or an alternate telecommunications number where the telecommunication originator can be reached”.  The number displayed 226-209-3758 had no call back capability and no other number was provided maintaining anonymity.  

Finally, the CRTC rules state such calls cannot be made on weekends after 6 p.m. There is some question as to whether some or all of the calls were made before or after this time but I believe it does bear investigation. 

 In early March, Guelph resident Greg Schirk, who received the message last April 30th, sent the original voice mail message to the Guelph Mercury newspaper. They subsequently published a story on this revelation.

Only after this event was made public did the local federal Liberal campaign admit that they had created and transmitted the message. 

The clear intent of this Liberal Party authorized message was to slur myself and the Conservative Party in the hopes of discouraging votes for the Conservative Party. This was done without indicating it was a Liberal Party message, with no call back ability to check the origin, and possibly outside the time period in which these types of calls are allowed.  The Liberal campaign also admitted the name “Laurie MacDonald” was fictitious- apparently another attempt to cover their tracks.

With these telephone calls, we are left to wonder how extensively they were sent and how much did they affect the Guelph election outcome. Their timing coming less than two days before the election, their content designed to inflame people, and their devious anonymity maximizes their impact.             

I respectfully request that your offices investigate to determine whether an offence or offences occurred under the Elections Canada Act or the CRTC rules attached to the act due to these recorded voice messages. 

I am available to assist in any way possible.  

Marty Burke

I want to be clear here especially in light of a conversation I just had with Cam Guthrie who, it should be noted, was good enough to take the time to respond where many wouldn't/haven't. If these calls are found to be illegal and he knew it, then Frank should absolutely be held to account for them to whatever extent the law allows. What's wrong is wrong, no matter who commits the act. But the key word here is if, and in every aspect of this there is at least some room for doubt. To this point it can't be said for certain when the calls were made, so a violation of CRTC time regulations isn't a slam dunk. And as for violations of the Elections Act, there's this, which seems to be getting overlooked.

Valeriote said the reason for the automated calls was both to correct what the Conservative party allegedly said about him, and to point out where Burke stood on the issue.

“This was an issue-based, legal voice blast to correct the lies from others that were said about my position on abortion,” Valeriote said, referring to calls and literature allegedly distributed by the Conservative party.

“People were coming into my office furious that they were saying I was pro abortion. I am not pro abortion,” he said, adding he believes women have the right to choose.

Since Friday, Valeriote has been criticized over not mentioning the calls were funded by his Liberal campaign.

“It was an oversight on our part to not name where the call had come from,” he said, adding however, he claimed it on his expenses for the political campaign and informed Elections Canada about the calls.

He said Elections Canada told him “they didn’t think it was a violation of the Elections Act.”

Elections Canada was not available on the weekend to confirm this.

I don't think I'm out of line based on our chat to say that Guthrie is in the camp that absolutely believes that a violation took place, but if I am he can feel free to correct me. He has his right to that opinion, and he may ultimately turn out to be correct. But if there's a hint that Elections Canada advised the Valeriote campaign that its actions were ok, I'm not willing to throw the guy under the bus. What he did might not have been the smartest thing especially with the benefit of hindsight, but stupid doesn't always equal illegal. Plus there's the matter of these calls being documented and reported, whereas the fake polling calls were not. Wrong is wrong, but there's still a huge matter of scale between Valeriote's campaign message and a deliberate attempt to manipulate election results by stripping rights away from the public. Personally, I'd rather wait for Elections Canada and the CRTC to make their decisions before I pronounce Frank Valeriote guilty of anything other than playing politics.

The Terrible Crime Bill Passes, And Canada Dies A Little More

I really hate being disappointed in my country, but Stephen Harper and his government often leave me little choice.

As expected, the hideous crime bill passed. Yes, the hideous crime bill that won't help anybody but those with a vested interest in seeing the prison population explode for no good reason. Other than that, it's going to put a huge strain on already struggling provinces, make violent criminals out of people who really aren't all that violent, make big time drug offenders out of guys with a few pot plants, make it insanely difficult to get a record cleared so a person can start a new life, make it even harder for people from other countries to come and work here...and that's just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head! This legislation is poorly thought out, needless, won't make Canada any safer, and it could be law by the time today is over.

If you don't want to take my word for it, maybe you'll listen to Texas. Yes, Texas! When a state with a record like that tells you that you're doing it wrong, odds are you're doing it wrong.

"You will spend billions and billions and billions on locking people up," says
Judge John Creuzot of the Dallas County Court. "And there will come a point in time where the public says, 'Enough!' And you'll wind up letting them out."

Adds Representative Jerry Madden, a conservative Republican who heads the Texas House Committee on Corrections, "It's a very expensive thing to build new prisons and, if you build 'em, I guarantee you they will come. They'll be filled, OK? Because people will send them there.

"But, if you don't build 'em, they will come up with very creative things to do that keep the community safe and yet still do the incarceration necessary."

"Republican governors and state legislators in such states of Texas, South Carolina, and Ohio are repealing mandatory minimum sentences, increasing opportunities for effective community supervision, and funding drug treatment because they know it will improve public safety and reduce taxpayer costs," said Tracy Velázquez, executive director of the Washington-based Justice Policy Institute.

"If passed, C-10 will take Canadian justice policies 180 degrees in the wrong direction, and Canadian citizens will bear the costs."

Welcome to the wrong direction, everyone. Isn't it nice that we have a government that forms policy based on emotional reactions they think will play well rather than on real, hard evidence?

The sad thing is that Stephen Harper is smarter than this. At least he was smart enough to wait until he had his "stable majority government" before going full steam ahead on Operation Tank the fucking Country, anyhow.

To recap, not only do we have the crime bill, but we're also on the road to copyright law that takes all rights away from consumers and strips away access to information for people with disabilities and having our every online move needlessly spied on and getting to pay for it out of our own pockets. And we can't forget the snazzy new fighter jets that may not work and so far cost about 3 times more than they were supposed to or the repeated trampling of union rights for the flimsiest of ever changing reasons. All that and we're not even through year one of this lovely Conservative majority government. I hope all of you that voted for it are satisfied with what you're getting.

We Are The Champions...Of Failed Robbery

I post this mainly because I find it amusing and it fits in with what we do here, but also because any excuse to watch this video again is good enough for me.



It's always nice to hear stories of people with disabilities getting into new fields and breaking new ground. Well, maybe not always.

The Chevron clerk told police that 22-year old John Christopher Champion, who was wearing a Gators hat and Gators sweatshirt, had been going in and out of the store for several hours in his motorized wheelchair. Just before 10 p.m., the clerk said Champion piloted his chair behind the counter and demanded cash from the register as he brandished a pocket knife.

The 54-year old clerk said she fought back and in her struggle with Champion she stabbed him three times in the leg before he overpowered her. He then allegedly rolled out of the store with a 12-pack of beer and a roll of electrical tape.

but he didn't get far.

When police arrived, they didn't have to look too hard to find him. They caught up with him behind the store, where his wheelchair had gotten stuck in the sand. He was drinking one of the Bud Light Limes he admitted to taking in the heist. Interestingly, he admitted to stealing from the store, but not robbing it. Not sure how that one's going to hold up in court.

Champion also told police that he had encouraged the clerk to hit the alarm because nobody would arrest a handicapped person. He now has armed robbery and aggravated battery charges plus a stay in the Levy County jail that say different.

Not All Robocalls Are Created Equal, So Let's Stick To The Important Ones

I almost wrote this on Friday, but I wasn't quite in the right frame of mind. I did however take a bit of a strip off of Guelph provincial Conservative candidate Greg Schirk and strongly thought about tearing a similar one off of city councillor Cam Guthrie over Twitter because of it.

The issue at hand is what else, robocalls. Because of what's been going on around VC World HQ the last month and change I'm very much late to this party, but by now I'm sure most of you have at least a basic understanding of what's happening. If you don't, Google is your friend. Type in robocalls and Elections Canada investigation or some variation on that theme and you'll be caught up pretty quickly.

Now, why did I get so angry at Greg and Cam? To be fair, it isn't just them. They just happen to be two of the more conservative, right leaning people I follow on Twitter, so their comments were some of the first to catch my eye. To be clear, I hate the fact that I have to bring up their political leanings at all, because the robocall issue should not under any circumstances be a partisan one. But for some reason, there are Conservative supporters out there (these two seemingly among them) who appear bent on making it one.

I'll link to Cam's thoughts on the situation such as they are to illustrate my point. What about those Guelph Robo-calls?

Can somebody please tell me what exactly it is he's trying to get across here? At one moment he's saying what we all should be saying, that whoever is responsible for pretending to be Elections Canada and telling people to vote in the wrong place needs to be caught and dealt with swiftly. That's great. But he then goes on to say that left wing media are trying to group all robocalls into the same pile, and follows that up by taking a big dump all over the Liberals for making calls urging people not to vote for Marty Burke and to vote strategically. After all that, he winds things up by saying that those calls are annoying, but nothing to get bent out of shape over or contact the police about.

Um...yeah...ok?

He's right, they are nothing to get wound up over. They're campaign calls. they happen all the time, and depending on who you talk to they're totally within the bounds of Canadian election law. So the question is if that's the case, why mention them? If you can't paint them with the same brush, what purpose does any of this serve other than taking unnecessary shots at rivals and trying to deflect the issue for a few minutes?

And just who are these left wing media groups that are trying to lump all robocalls into the bad column? I've already admitted that I'm a little behind so perhaps I've missed something that will make me eat my words, but up to now the only people I've heard making these claims are those on the more conservative end of the spectrum, the group which looks to have the most to lose out of this whole affair. The rest of us are busy being rightfully outraged and looking for justice. Frank Valeriote being honest about doing what everybody else does isn't overly important to us when measured against what could very well be an organized voter suppression effort orchestrated by associates of the party that ultimately won the election.

I'm quite frankly disgusted that at such an important moment in Canada's history, there are still people wanting to protect one side over another and cause people to stray away from what's important. I should have known better than to expect better I know, but there are times like this when things effect every single one of us that you honestly do hope that the us against them mentality gets tossed out the window. We're neither us or them. We're we. And until we all figure that out, we're doing our democracy an extreme disservice.

Tweet-a-Beer

This is an amazing and possibly way too expensive idea.Tweet-a-Beer – web app for sending a $5 beer through linking Twitter and PayPal accounts.

How exactly does this work?

Tweet-a-Beer is powered by Chirpify, a commerce platform for Twitter. Chirpify is the magic that connects your Twitter account to PayPal in order to pre-approve payments. When you Tweet-a-Beer, you are sending $5.00 to another Twitter user, and ultimately, their PayPal account.

How do I send a beer?

Follow the steps to authenticate your Twitter account with Chirpify. Then “pre-approve” Chirpify to send PayPal payments on your behalf. After this you can use the app to choose the @recipient (on Twitter), send them a beer ($5), and add a reason, meeting place, or requests for the juke box. Once submitted, the recipient will receive a tweet mention from you with a link leading them to details on how to claim the beer money.

And maybe it's not as dangerous as it sounds at first glance, unless you happen to be an overly generous drunk with lots of focus and a long attention span.

Can I send more than $5.00?

Hey, big spender. Send as many beers as you’d like. For security purposes (we're looking at you, college kids), we limit each transfer to $5.00, so you'll have to send one at a time.

It warms the heart like a pint of stout to see technology and human inovation coming together to make the important things in life easier. Well done, folks.

Spring Ahead...Into My Thought Pool

Now that I've got my email fixed, it's ramblin' time!

I'm so happy that winter was not too bad to us, but I'm even happier that spring just might be on its way. It'll take me a long time to truly believe it's here since winter never really got going, but whatever this weather is, I'm enjoying it.

I've noticed lately that Trix has this new bizarre morning ritual. She comes out, heads for Steve, snorts, and spits all over him! She never does this to me, just poor Steve! And I swear she makes sure to maximize how much of him gets the snort shower. What the hell does that mean?

The other day Steve and I were watching Investigation Discovery, a channel all about looking into violent crimes, forensics, all that sort of stuff. There are lots of stories about dismembered corpses and such. There's this commercial for St. Ives lotion that plays all the damn time on there. Here's the commercial. What does it sing about? Body parts! That would be perfectly innocent, except for what most of the content of the channel is? Hands, shoulders knees and toes...some in the river, some in concrete. Thighs and heels...in a dumpster. Ankles and elbows...in a bag. You get the idea. If I ever bought that lotion, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about gory murders.

A long time ago, I talked about how when Trix was new, I would do stupid things like tell my friends to come and heel. Well, I did it again the other day, to the huppy! At least I had half an excuse that day. He was wearing one of those kid leashes and I was holding it. His mom had to go to the ER and didn't know how she'd manage the Huppy too. I said I'd help but he had to wear his little harness dealy. I had to hold onto it when they had a look at her, and I wanted him right beside me. Without thinking I said "heel!" Then I laughed out loud.

The other day, I had it brought home to me how we truly are spoiled by technology. Our internet broke down. That sounds like an odd sentence next to talking about being spoiled, but just wait. I had some things that really needed doing, so Steve and I decided screw waiting for the internet. We'd just go to a restaurant that has free Wifi and get things done. And so...off to the Baker Street Station we went, ate some yummy food, and I clickity typety sent my emails.

Seriously, how cool is that? Years ago, we would have been waiting for our internet. But the other day we just picked up the office and took it elsewhere. When we got our stuff done, we came back home, and hey, would ya look at that? Internet! We really are sitting in a chair in the sky.

I mentioned a while ago that I found myself a dentist. Thankfully I doubt she'll be a scary dentist. She's actually pretty cool. She loves dogs, and after we're done, I take Trix's harness off and let her pet the ol' boodog. By consequence, Trix loves the dentist's office. There's a small part of me that wonders if she enjoys taking me in there because they do things to me in there, not her, but she still gets lots of love. But oh man does she love going to the door. It makes people laugh who see it. I was also relieved that the high pitched noises of the equipment didn't bother her. She just lies still and is a perfect pooch.

And I think that's all I've got for this installment of Carin bores the bejeebers out of readers, then disappears. Get out and enjoy today, it's supposed to be awesome.

Massive Yahoo Email Server Fail Made An Angry Thunderbird!

Yesterday morning, I got a rather nasty surprise. Early in the morning, I was happily able to send mail. Then at about 10 or so, I tried to send a reply to a message on a mailing list and got the following rather unhelpful error message.

An error occurred while sending mail. The mail server responded: Transaction failed : Cannot send message due to possible abuse; please visit http://postmaster.yahoo.com/abuse_smtp.html for more information. Please check the message and try again.

Buh? Abuse? What the hell? I'm not a spammer, nor a phishing fiend, nor anything else bad.

I went to the link, and it's helpfully not available. All you get is the general yahoo customer service page. At least that's all I saw.

So, I fired off a message to Steve, and one to Ro. Both went out without a hitch. I also fired off a new message to the list where I'd been told no by the server. It went, which made me think there was just something about that last message that had the server's shorts needlessly in a twist. Then I tried to reply to the list again. Fail! Fail! Fail! Fail! said the server.

What made things extra fun was I could reply to Steve, Ro, and any listers that might write me off list. And then I discovered I couldn't reply to mail on a Google group I'm on. But again, I could send new messages just fine. Whaaa? Buh?

Somebody thought maybe Rogers had gotten silly and had thought I was spammy until I logged into the web interface, which should reside in the ninth circle of hell by the way. So I logged in and was able to reply all I wanted. Even weirder, after I did that, I was able to send a message or 2 from Thunderbird ok. But after that, it would tell me off again.

So then I fired up Outlook Express to see if I could send from there...and discovered I could. I could send all the mail I wanted from that poor antequated old thing.

So...the problem is something with Thunderbird and Yahoo's servers. Yes, Yahoo's. Rogers mail is handled by Yahoo mail. Yahoo seems to like to do that with a lot of ISP's across the globe. But so many people don't realize that and think I'm crazy for believing that a Rogers address is actually a Yahoo address. But it is true.

So after lots of googling, I found this forum thread. Just look at all the angry Thunderbirders! Would that make them angry birds? Har har. And just look at all the horror stories of techs charging poor shmucks 50 bones to direct log into their computer, only to not be able to fix it and say they don't support thunderbird. Total customer service fail.

Anyway, one of the forum folks discovered that somebody broke something in Yahoo land, and it suddenly didn't like any messages sent as html from Thunderbird, but only Thunderbird. If you send as plain text, you're good.

So, I went into tools, accounts and unchecked send as html. But that wasn't all I had to do. I had to go into tools, options, compose, send options, and enter yahoogroups and googlegroups into the plain text domains tab. This means that whenever I send there, it will send as plain text.

And twas a miracle! All my unsent messages were sendable and I was not being all abusive and stuff!

I may not have needed to uncheck html sending on a global scale, I may have only had to put those domains in plain text, I don't know and don't feel like angering the dragon to find out. But I hope this post helps someone else who suddenly finds it impossible to send to mailing lists or some such.

Silly Yahoo for having a hate on for Thunderbird. I hope they fix the problem soon. Until then, though, I can reply to email again! What a beautiful thing!

Are You Sure You Need Those Cookies, Fatty?

This is a little weird and creepy in a the machines are taking over sort of way, but it also looks kind of neat.

Microsoft, Whole Foods and a company called Chaotic Moon are teaming up to build a robot shopping cart. It follows you around the store, helps you keep track of the items on your list including telling you if you grabbed the wrong one, and can even ring you up and charge you without bothering with the checkout line.

Here's a video of it in action.



This has me thinking. I wonder if there's a way to modify this thing to help blind people shop more independently? I love that people at most stores are willing to help and are largely good at it, but it would be cool to be able to do it myself without bothering them. But I suppose no matter what sorts of bells and whistles you add, you pretty much can't work around one major problem. Knowing that item X is in aisle 6 is great, but how do I get there? The cart follows me, but in order to know where I am, I need to be following it. Easy enough to change you say, but when I get there, how do I know in a reasonable amount of time that I've grabbed the right item? There's no way in hell I'm scanning every item on every shelf just to save a few cents here or there or to make sure I don't buy the crappy brand of soup by accident.

Still a cool idea for the sighted set, just wish the rest of us could take advantage of it. For now I guess I'll file it under stuff that talks for the sake of taunting us with potential usefulness.

Is It Workin'?

Let's just go right ahead and file this one under stuff you'll never ever catch me doing and stuff nobody should ever, ever try.



I sure hope this is fake, but so far I've found nothing to suggest it is. So since it's not, what you've just seen is a video of some dumbfuck shooting himself point blank in the gut with a 10MM Glock to test his bulletproof vest. Yes, really.

No, I don't have anything else to say, either.

You Are Here?

So it seems we haven't done this since the end of last May. Wow. But I've been keeping an eye out for good searches as much as I possibly can since then, so let's see what's been on your minds.

26 May, Thu, 14:32:32
Google:
how to make fun of molson canadian

I'm going to make the safe assumption that you've never had one. If you have, this question would not be necessary.

28 May, Sat, 05:52:42
Google:
is it true that most libras die from VD

I dunno. Ask your mom.

03 Jun, Fri, 01:13:15
Google:
petting dog's butt danger

You could be asking a few things here. Are you wondering about the dangers associated with petting dog butts? About the possibility of the dog taking a chunk out of your butt when you pet him? About the smells that come out of dog butts sometimes? Trixie has exposed us to option 3 a time or 12 and it sure is dangerous, let me tell you.

05 Jun, Sun, 10:14:44
Google:
I have no hope

You wound up here, so this is probably true.

05 Mar, Mon, 01:23:45
Google:
how to sleep in a dumpster

So...I guess you never found the hope you wanted, eh?

10 Jun, Fri, 15:26:09
Google:
the bus is great for touching girls up

Thanks for the tip. Now if you don't mind me asking, which of these stories is about you?

On the subject of the bus, take a look at this.

02 Jan, Mon, 10:53:26
Google:
Guelph transit sucks

06 Jan, Fri, 13:51:14
Google:
new guelph transit sucks

07 Feb, Tue, 11:30:31
Google:
guelph transit go fuck yourself

02 Jan, Mon, 20:23:58
Google:
guelph transit is being run by a dickhead

We've gotten and are still getting dozens of searches just like these, which shows that while these folks aren't so great at plotting out a bus route system that makes any sense whatsoever, the Vice President of Being Consistent is in line for a hefty raise. Congratulations my friend, whoever you are.

10 Jun, Fri, 20:43:48
Google:
reasons to yell at a blind person

Allow me to direct your attention to the Molson Canadian answer near the top. Meet a few of us and you'll answer your own question.

11 Jun, Sat, 05:21:16
AskJeeves:
bad stuff about the George Bailey Detention Center

I'll bet you're as great a lawyer as the dirt on Maggie Laidlaw guy is a journalist.

05 Jul, Tue, 13:57:35
Google:
"baby bullet" adult toy

I've seen how excited people can get about kitchen gadgets, so this isn't as weird as it sounds.

06 Jan, Fri, 21:09:45
Google:
purple nurple cheesecake

This, on the other hand, is weirder than it sounds. I'd put money on that.

26 Jul, Tue, 12:55:00
Google:
Vomit mobile version

I can only guess this is about the time Carin projectile blarfed in the lobby of our building when we both caught that insane flu a few years ago. Thank god I've been around a while and have had an interesting life. Means I don't have to worry about you people quite as much.

09 Aug, Tue, 20:02:15
Google:
i think sperm is everywere

We all think a lot of things. Now and then it's good to keep some of them to ourselves.

12 Oct, Wed, 18:24:32
Google:
what happens if you tell siri to fuck off

If I had an iPhone I'd do it right now, but I don't. Anybody?

05 Nov, Sat, 01:10:40
Google:
"freedom scientific" "jokes"

One of the funniest ones I can remember was called JAWS 7.1.

27 Nov, Sun, 02:01:36
Google:
effects of methamphetamine on dogs

It causes butt danger.

05 Mar, Mon, 06:24:26
Google:
what makes a good drug mule?

A cavernous ass is probably a good start.

14 Feb, Tue, 19:10:01
Google:
unleashed sex picnic with my dear doggy

I'm seriously at a loss for words right now. Look at the date on that search and make your own humour. You don't need me.

That seems like a good place to end, possibly forever. Not sure this will ever be topped. If you're looking for me, I'll be somewhere trying not to think about that.

A Fiery Search Queery

This was searched for nearly a month ago, and I haven't written about it. This makes me feel guilty, because someone out there somewhere searched for it, which means it's on their mind. Not that I think they're going to find me again, but I can always hope that maybe they will.

08 Feb, Wed, 22:32:34
Google:
can i be fired because i am getting a guide dog

The short, and really only, answer is no. At least not in the U.S. or Canada. I'm not a world expert on guide dog laws, but I'm pretty damn sure there is no legal reason where they could fire you *for* having a guide dog. Even if you worked in a place where it is actually illegal to have a dog in your work area, like in a kitchen or somewhere with human tissues or something, what they have to do is make an accommodation where the dog isn't in the room with you and the food or tissues or stuff like that while you're working. They can't *fire* you for the dog.

Don't get me wrong, if they want you gone, they can find another reason to fire you, or if your guide dog actually causes problems, such as getting into food or being aggressive or something, that can give them cause to have to do something, whether it's saying that your dog can't come into the premises or something, but even then, could they fire you? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. But that would be pretty rare and highly unlikely. All I'm saying is for whatever reason, if they're hell bent they don't want the dog, it may not be an easy road. But I'm pretty sure there is no legal grounds to fire you for getting a guide dog.

But don't take my word for it. If you feel you need to talk to someone about your rights and such, and you live in the U.S. I suggest you call the NAGDU hotline on guide dog access laws. Here's my post about them. If you live in Canada, I'd call your provincial human rights commission and allow them to direct you. If you live somewhere else, smack me a comment and I'll see what I can find. I like sniffing out new information.

Finally, I'd like to personally smack whoever planted that seed in the brain of the person who searched for that. I'd be willing to bet money that someone told them that, and then left them to worry and wonder. If you actually want to advise someone, at least do a little digging first, please.

Good luck to our anonymous searcher on their journey.

I'm Baaack...I Think

So yeah...I haven't posted for nearly two weeks. Definite fail...although failing at blogging seems to be a regular occurrence for me now.

I think, *knocks on wood* that I'm out of the medical woods. I feel better, and bunches of my problems appear to be vanishing. It's funny. I've had this since I was a kid, but only now am I truly learning about its funky intricacies. It appears I have to learn everything by breaking it. But whatever, now I appear to be feeling better, and normal life appears to be within my grasp. This makes me the happy.

Before I forget, the sixth assistance dog blog carnival is up, has been for a couple weeks. Yeah, I fail. Now I have to go read everybody's stuff. Hmmm I'll be busy.

I must be getting close to normal. I'm scrutinizing random oldies songs. the other day, I heard Barbara Mason Yes I'm ready. I wasn't paying attention, and then I heard "I'm ready to learn to fall in love with you." Learn? Excuse me? Learn? If you have to *learn*, you're not falling in love. I don't know what it is you're doing, but it's not that. It sounds like some kind of sick and twisted arranged marriage song. And is it me, or does she sound drunk out of her mind in that song? It sounds like she's had to get totally plastered just to work up the courage to kiss this dude...I wish I could make JAWS slur its words and say "I'm ready...to learn...chugga lugga glugga.

Then I heard Hey Baby They're Playing Our Song and one line stood out to me. "It's the one with the pretty melody." Yeah, that narrows it down. I mean, come on. There's only *one* song with a pretty melody. The rest of those melodies are all discordant and sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. Well...maybe that would fit *now*, but not so much back when this song was made, which according to Wikipedia, was 1967. What a totally stupid line! But then again, oy...there were quite a few in that song.

This also got me thinking about how Please Mister Please won't make any sense to kids anymore. It'll join rotary phones and broken records and all those things that make them stare at us like we're talking a foreign language.

I have two more observations to add to my pile of silly wrestling-related observations. So far we established that I like the way Lilian says John Cina and JBL's old mooing song was the best. Well, now I have more, and I might as well make fun of myself for them.

Steve was watching some old NWA shows with Gordon Solie and Bob Caudle. I walked in, sat down, and didn't say anything for a minute. Then I couldn't contain myself. I had to ask. I knew who Gordon Solie was, but that other guy sounded...just like Johnny Cash! I asked him, and after he finished laughing his ass off at me, said no. That was Bob Caudle. Come on. Can't you just hear this voice saying "My Name Is Sue! How Do You Do! And Now You're Gonna Die!" No? I'm the only one? Ok then.

And one day, Steve was watching some wrestling and John Laurinaitis came on. I listened for a minute and then said "Whenever he talks, he sounds just like Bill MacKendry!" I don't know how to spell Bill's name, because he's only famous at W. Ross, the school for the blind, but I hope someone reading this, besides Steve, both loves wrestling and knows good old Billie. It would be even more awesome if they happened to have a clip of Bill we could put up. Last night, John Laurinaitis said something about Oksanna, and all I could think was "Tanja?..." Again, that'll only make sense to the people who went to W. Ross at the time when Billie was there. But I seriously can't hear this guy talk without hearing Billie's voice behind him yelling "I want a girl!" Am I alone in this?

And speaking of that old school, remember back when I said it was getting sued? Our buddy Shane found the W. Ross lawsuit in all its glory. Yikes. I'm glad I didn't go there during that era. I haven't a doubt in my mind that stuff like that went down...but when I was there, nothing that attrocious ever happened that I know of, except I think there was still the...um...sexual stuff happening between boys. I never knew about it until after when I would hear things. I do have to chuckle that the term "Braille Jail" made it into a legal filing.

The one thing I can't figure out was the repeated references to things being run by the bell and the whistle and being made to line up. Um, regular schools did that too. You had the recess bell, the lunch bell, the bell for each class, the bell at the end of the day. And yeah, we had to line up. That's how they can keep track of everybody. There must be some context I'm missing. I definitely want to hear how this plays out.

There's this commercial that comes on that makes me laugh whenever I hear it, but I have no idea what it's for. All it says is "I just told my boss I'm in bed with a nasty clown. I meant cold! How the hell do you turn off autocorrect?" I get the sense it's for Telus, but how? Do they have easy to access tech support people? guides on all their phones? What? Other people can't seem to get the message either, as google can't give me a definite answer. But everybody's laughing. Anybody know what the commercial's for? Edit: According to this, it's some kind of free Telus learning centre. here, laugh at it yourself.

The other day, I had something odd happen to me when I was out walking. A girl walked up to me and kept saying I'm gonna get one of those soon! I hope I hope hope so!" At first I assumed she was just talking on her cellphone, but something told me no, she's talking to me. She's talking to me and she's talking about a guide dog. So I asked her what school she was applying to, and she said "The CINB." I think she meant CNIB, so I had to tell her the CNIB doesn't have a guide dog school. She then said "I have workers looking into it." At this point my heart sank. I really think a person making this kind of an investment needs to be the primary person doing the research and looking into it. I asked her to come walk with me so we could talk, but she said she was going elsewhere, so I lost the opportunity to maybe talk to her a little bit. But I hope I see her again, and maybe have a better chance next time. I've never had the opportunity to really offer my experience as something to learn from besides what I write up here. I hope to be able to give to someone else what I got from that other handler so many years ago. But something tells me this person might not have been ready for it. Who knows though?

And I think that about wraps it up. I have other ideas for individual posts, but we'll see what happens. I'm so unpredictable these days.

More Thoughts On The Leafs And Goaltenders

In my last post, I talked a bit about the Leafs and their goaltender issues. I said I wasn't quite sure what the problem is, but I think Mike Brophy nailed a good part of it in this piece.

It's partly coaching, but my biggest problem has been with consistency, which I suppose makes it all coaching, just spread out over more than one coach. If you have a guy playing well and a guy not playing well, the who starts decision should be an easy one. but the Leafs seem so determined that the Monster is a second stringer that it's got to be ruining his confidence on some level, and tossing Reimer out there when he's obviously not the same guy for some reason can't be doing wonders for his, either. I hope this is one of the first things addressed by Randy Carlyle as he settles in. Still may not hurt to at least consider a new style of goaltending coach, too.

Now, with the team having lost six games in a row and just 18 games remaining, it is high time to turn the crease over to The Monster. Gustavsson, after all, was the guy the Leafs signed three years ago to be their savior.

When Reimer went down with a concussion Oct. 22 in Montreal after opening the season with a 4-0-1 record, Gustavsson did his best to pick up the slack. But even though he finished that game with a victory and then won three of his next five starts, you never had the feeling the coaching staff had faith in him. Ben Scrivens suddenly appeared on the scene as his next competition.

Then when Reimer returned, clearly not as sharp as he was prior to the injury, it again became obvious the Leafs were going to go with Reimer no matter what. However, when Reimer hit a real dry spell late in December, the club had no choice but to see if Gustavsson could carry the ball.

And he did.

Gustavsson started 11 of 12 games, winning seven and losing four. It wasn't enough to give him security, though. The Leafs still wanted Reimer as their starter.

Reimer started 10 of 13 games leading up to the Chicago contest. He can let in the first shot of a game and he'll be back in to start the next game. Gustavsson makes a miscue -- albeit a costly one -- in overtime against the New Jersey Devils and even though he helped the Leafs secure the only point they managed in a four-game home stand, he sits.

Getting Back On Track...?

Would you look at that, I've decided to crawl out of my hole and post something! And what a suckass hole it is, I must say.

The things that put me into said hole are thankfully getting better, which is great. but as that situation improves, dealing with it has caught up to me in a big way. Essentially not sleeping for a month...don't ever do that, everyone. It's not good for you. At all. I have no memory, no focus, migraines and the constant feeling that I've had the stuffings kicked out of me and been thrown down a flight of stairs...and that's just the constant stuff. I'm feeling a bit better, but garbage and I are still close to each other on the feeling like scale, so I think I have a way to go before I can call myself what passes for normal.

Due to all this, I haven't been the most exciting fellow. I'm just sort of existing. I'm behind on just about everything and need to start catching up. I owe lots of people phone calls which upsets me because telephones give me headaches, but on the bright side, I think I'm close to the point where I can start rounding up stupidity and writing about dicks again. That's me, always trying to find the bright side of things. Hooray for dicks!

There are lots of things catching my attention that need a word or two like the whole Harper Government robo call deal, but they all require far more brain power than I currently possess, so let's start with sports.

Ron Wilson finally got fired. I say good decision. He had his few years at the job, and it's obvious that something wasn't working. Obviously not everything wrong with the Leafs right now can be laid on him, but it's clear after three plus years that things had to change. The Leafs should be right in the thick of the playoff race right now,but instead they're falling further and further behind. You don't lose 10 of 11 games this time of year with the talent level these guys have and hold the coach blameless. It's his job to get the players to respond and bounce back, and it just isn't clicking.

And while we're making coaching changes because of things not clicking, can something be done about the goaltending? Neither James Reimer or Jonas Gustavsson are bad goaltenders. In fact both have been downright awesome at times. But sometimes it seems that both of them have absolutely no confidence. Whether that's the fault of Francois Allaire, Ron Wilson or something else entirely isn't obvious to me, but it's an area that could definitely use some looking at. Even if by some miracle this team makes the playoffs, flakey goalies aren't going to keep it there long. You kind of live and die by what's going on in net, and given some of the mistakes guys have been making lately and some of the less than stellar defence, what's happening in the net needs to be top notch.

On the subject of playoffs, MLB has added a couple more spots to theirs. This is great news. It's great news because I'm a Jays fan and making the playoffs in the ridiculous AL East is pretty damn hard. Any extra chance that exists can't help but be a good thing. It's also good news for every other team for the same reason. It gives teams that are playoff worthy an actual sporting chance against the stacked teams to whom money is no object. Oh, and let's not forget that it means there will be more meaningful baseball games later in the season and perhaps even more meaningful trades and roster moves. I like that. I'm not sure how you could view this as anything other than a win. More teams have a chance to make more money by staying in the race longer, and more fans have more of a reason to keep watching and stay invested. I can't wait to see how it all plays out, even if the Jays don't make it this year.

Before I get out of here for who knows how long again, I need to vent about one small wrestling thing. For once it's mostly fans and column writers rather than anything stupid a company did.

The other day, a story came out that Ring of Honor had blocked a few of their guys from signing with WWE by enforcing contracts and not letting them go. This pissed a bunch of fans off, getting them all up in arms about how unfair it is that one company wouldn't let them leave and go make more money in another. ROH and the named wrestlers all deny it and have even made fun of the idea, for what it's worth. But heres' the thing. So what if they did? These guys are under contract to the company. Unless I am fundamentally misinformed about how contracts work, that means they can't just pick up and leave unless all parties agree to it. If ROH doesn't agree, too bad. Yes they've let guys leave before, but things are different now. ROH has a big TV deal and are now owned by a broadcast network. They're trying to grow, and you can't grow if you can't keep your talent. Look at it this way. ROH has a big 10th anniversary show tomorrow. It has title matches and important storylines are going to progress. Are you telling me that if WWE threw a bunch of money at everybody on the show to leave, that ROH should just be fine with that? That's insane! Of course they shouldn't. That's why there are contracts. The company has to protect its interests and its ability to make money and put on shows. Wrestlers aren't interchangeable and fans aren't stupid. If you slot somebody else into an angle built for a specific person, it won't work. It's fine to let people go if those people aren't involved in something, but for the sake of logic and business, you can't just let anybody with bags of money loot your promotion and kill it dead. How people don't understand this is quite honestly beyond me.

That's all for now. Time to rest my head, get some breakfast and prepare for the first Blue Jays game of the year! I know it's only spring training ball, but hey, it still means the Jays and baseball are back!

Wait. since I mentioned Ring of Honor and their 10th anniversary show, you really should order it if you like wrestling. It only costs $10, and I promise you you'll get much more action and quality storytelling out of it than you will out of just about any $50 WWE offering. You can head over to GoFightLive.tv for all the details.

See you soonish...I think.