Didn't Your Mother Tell You It's Rude To Stare?

I know people like to stare at blind people, especially when those blind people have guide dogs. To all the people who stare, I may not see you, but sometimes others do and point it out. I'm not unaware of the staring phenomenon. If you're curious, I'd much rather you come up and talk to me than gock as if I'm some kind of circus freak.

But there are a few places where you just shouldn't stare, and one of them is when I'm standing at a bank machine. If you stand real close to me and stare there, then you look like you're after my PIN number and bank staff will get suspicious.

That's what happened last night. I went in to get some money. Since the bank machines at TD talk, I slapped on a set of headphones. Now, I know that's gotta look weird, me hooking something up to a bank machine, and every time I do it, part of me wonders if people think I'm messing with the machine somehow. You never know what goofy ideas people will get.

So anyway, add to the weirdness that as soon as a person plugs in headphones, the option is there to blank out the screen because the machine is talking to the person at the other end of the headphones. As soon as I know the voice is working, I do blank out the screen. Why have stuff on the screen that I can't read and others can? that would just be dumb.

I did all my banking, and I was just about to leave, when I heard two people approaching me really quickly from the inside of the bank, one of them saying over and over "I thought I should do the right thing, I just thought I should do the right thing..." the bank teller said "Excuse me, but there was a gentleman standing kind of close behind you, and this woman thought maybe he was trying to get your pin number. Just make sure you have your card." I checked and it was there, but I was freaked out. I asked if the guy was still out there, and the teller said "no, he drove away." I don't know what the teller would have done if he was still there and meant to take my card. She seemed really small. But who knows. maybe she packs a mean punch. Then I asked a dumb question, but I figure I should. I asked if anything was wrong with the machine I chose to use, like any weird tampering with it, and maybe there was a sign posted on it that I wouldn't have noticed. She said no. I know that's a dumb question, but I figured I'd better find out whether I should go inside the bank and cancel my card or not.

Then the teller apologized and kept saying "I just thought I should tell you." Well yeah, totally. I appreciate being told, but I'm still going to get a wee bit freaked. Wouldn't most people be concerned if they were just told that someone was standing behind them potentially trying to get their PIN? Add to that the fact that I wouldn't know what he looked like, and I wouldn't know if he was waiting somewhere to get the card. then the freak potential gets a wee touch higher.

I walked home having a war with myself. Part of me wondered if he was really after my PIN, and maybe he was going to appear somewhere. I was thankful I only lived 2 blocks away. Another part of me just said he probably thought it was infinitely fascinating watching me stand there punching buttons, hooked up to headphones in front of a blank screen with a dog to boot. Maybe he was just drooling over the dog. Nothing happened, so I think it was the latter.

People, can we respect folks' privacy? Would you like it if you were being stared at while you were at a bank machine? I would like it if people could stop with the staring altogether and talk to us like normal folk, but I think that would only happen in a perfect world. But I guess I can dream.

talk About Lasting Scars

Here are some people who are going to need some therapy. A 58-year-old Wal-Mart employee set himself on fire in a parking lot. Some people saw him do it and tried to put out the blaze with their coats but he threw the coats off. he was pronounced dead at a hospital burn unit.

Is it me, or is there something really weird about the guy's son?

Sultans Of Spin

Julia Ann Easley may be the world's best PR person, for whatever that's worth in the logical world. Just listen to this, and then stare agape as I am at the balls on this woman.

Research has shown that in the last year and possibly beyond, there have beenmore reported cases of sexual assault on the campus of the University of California at Davis than on all of the other UC campuses combined.But this is not a bad thing you see, because what it actually means is that the university has done such a good job putting the proper services in place that victims are not hesitating to report things like happens elsewhere. Nobody bothered to ask why it is that these victims have so much to report, but who cares, because this is cause to celebrate.

Wow. That is all.

Fire And Lice

Note to everyone out there. If you get lice, for god's sake, don't try to kill them with gasoline. There are shampoos, even tea tree oil is apparently good. But when you use gasoline, things don't go well, as the family and friends of Jessica Brooks are now horribly aware. Jessica suffered serious burns when the gas fumes had a meeting with the pilot light in the water heater and...ca boom! She is in a medically-induced coma. But...they did have to shave off her hair, so she shouldn't have anymore lice. That was mean, heartless and I'm sorry.

there's A Guy who Won't Be Renting Cars Anytime Soon

What the hell? How drunk, or messed up on drugs, do you have to be to think it's a good idea to set a small fire in your car to keep warm? I don't know, but I think Patrick Larue does.

Oh I'm So Easily Amused

Oh man. We have ourselves a double wammy. the headline is awesome, and there is an aptly-named fellow in the story. The headline? Cop makes arrest in bathroom after smelling crack. So now they don't just respond to toe-tapping, eh? And the name of the arresting officer? John Lines. Hahahahahaha. Awesome. A story doesn't get much better than that.

he Didn't Even Have To Go Out On Patrol To Catch Someone.

Here's a story similar to that one where that shoplifter gave a false address that just happened to be the address of one of his arresting officers. This time, a drunk driver drove into a cop's garage and then insisted he lived there. The cop, who just happened to be driving home at the time, didn't believe him, and noticed his drunkenness, so it's off to jail for Joseph Takesgun.

Messy Mutt Mitt Misery

Oh boy. Remember back in January when I was all proud of myself for finding mutt mitts? Well I should have never done it, and this will be the last package of mutt mitts I ever buy. The product is fine, it's just the bullshit surrounding it.

The bags work fine, although I can't put as many in my leash luggage thingy on the harness. I used to easily fit fifteen bags of the old size in there, but only ten of these will fit. But that only makes a couple days' difference really, so no biggy. The way they're packaged makes me laugh. They remind me of the way the garbage bags on the greyhound bus hang on the side of the seat and you rip them off as needed.

But here's where things get fun. At the end of January, I got a nice happy delivery man at my door. "I have a package from winnipeg," he said. I thought "woohoo, mutt mitts!" He brought the box up, and the poor fellow couldn't figure out that I was blind. "Sign by this x right there, " he kept saying. "right there! There!" Hey dude, blind over here. I keep telling you that, and you keep saying "Right there!" After he finally broke down and physically put my hands where the x was, all the while passing off the vybe that I must be the largest moron on the face of this earth, I got it signed and asked him how much I owed. "Oh no, ma'am, you don't owe anything." he said. I asked again, because I said I was told I would owe something. "Nope, nothing," he said and left. I thought "Wow, that was a pleasant surprise. What I should have done was asked him his name.

Fast-forward until last week when I got a call. "this is Courtesy freight calling. We were wondering if you paid us for shipping of a package from Manitoba..." Pardon? I thought the shipper dude said I didn't owe anything. So I called her and explained the whole thing. She was puzzled, justifiably so. Why would he say I owed nothing when there's a bill that says collect upon delivery? I asked her how much I owe. I'm expecting 60, maybe 70 bucks max. "$174..."pardon? I believe words escaped my mouth that never do. I wanted to say "jesus Christ!" but figured I'd better be polite so..."Lord have murcy!" issued from my mouth. Then the poor woman began to stammer. "Um, er, you're surprised? Maybe we got it wrong. We'll check into it." I explained to her that the product only cost $123. She then understood why I would be shocked.

I hung up the phone thinking I would get a call back explaining that she had some how factored the cost of the product in with the shipping or something. I was sure this would all be a big mistake. Well, there were a lot of mistakes made, but that wasn't one of them.

Then I got a call the next day from Guardian Traffic's own shipping guy. "You have a problem with your shipping amount?" he said. Uh, yeah, you betcha. I asked him to check how much it was. He said the same amount. I explain to him that I was never informed before this was sent out how much the shipping would be, because the front desk girls didn't know, but they thought it would be no more than $70. "Oh!" he said. "I don't know why they didn't check with me. I could have gotten them a quote within the same day. I do all the shipping stuff." At this point I kicked myself for not demanding a shipping quote right then and there. why is it that even when I know all the right things to do, I still manage to not do them some of the time?

At the end of the conversation, he told me to call a number, and didn't even give me the whole number. He said it was transit pro something. And you do all the shipping? From what he gave me, I managed to google out the company. It was Transprovincial! Yeah, transit pro, Transprovincial, they're in the neighbourhood. Oh boy.

I called them, and got more disconcerting news. First they couldn't figure out why on earth I was calling them, since Courtesy Freight should know how much it is since they were the ones who passed it off to Transprovincial. They told me that yes, they had in fact handled the parcel on its last leg of the journey from Thunder Bay to here. they then told me that since it was a home delivery, it would have cost more, and had I just gone with Purilator, it would have been way cheaper. At this point I was about to snap, because Guardian Traffic told me that they couldn't send it via Purilator because I didn't have an account with Purilator. When I said this, I believe this made the person at Transprovincial raise her eyebrows and say in the most polite manner that this was a load of horse poop.

After explaining the whole saga to her about how I was not informed of the shipping costs, and the shipping man said I owed nothing, she said she would do more checking into it, and maybe if she spoke to the general manager, the price could be lowered. I thanked her, and waited, and waited, and waited.

I then heard from the woman at Courtesy who told me more bad news. She told me that they in fact would not have taken my credit card on the day the box arrived, and they would only take cash or cheque. This made me even more angry because Guardian specifically said they would ask Courtesy if they would take credit cards. I guess they didn't. She was telling me what I had to tell Guardian to do to fix this whole mess. I was about to call them when she called me back and said "Wait wait wait, I just spoke to Transprovincial and they said management was going to look into this."

I have to say both Courtesy Freight and Transprovincial have been very good about this whole thing. It's kind of unfair that they were the recipients of most of my wrath. But they seemed to understand why there was wrath, which I thought was awesome. I've had some shippers who don't even call you when you don't pay fees you don't even know about. They just mail you a couple bills, and then send the collection dogs. And collection dogs don't understand anything except "Ok I will pay!"

Finally, yesterday, I heard back from Transprovincial. The manager had decided to lower the shipping fees to $77.60. That's still a little high, but I can stomach that, knowing that this will be the last time I go through this.

Thanks to my big post about biodegradable poop bags, I heard about a place called www.ElmhirstPackaging.ca that makes biodegradable poop bags for way cheaper, in large quantities, is Canadian, and I believe I read that they ship for free. So I can still be green without losing mass amounts of greenbacks. I'll give them a try when this box runs out.

What a disaster. I should have listened to my gut when I didn't get a good feeling about Guardian Traffic. Oh well, at least it's all solved, or as solved as it can be. I'll write them their cheque and be done with it. And to fellow Canadians, don't go Mutt Mits if you have to deal with Guardian Traffic. It's probably more painful than it should be.

I Feel Like I'm Forgetting To Take Something...

Gas station robber ran out of gas, report says

What The Fuck Was That?

Many times when I hear a song I don't like, I think to myself lord that's awful, but I can perhaps understand how somebody with taste not as good as mine could get into it. This, however, is not one of those times.

Have a listen torapper Lil Wayne...um...singing(?) his new rock(?) tune(?) Prom Queenand tell me what you hear. What I hear is a disaster of such scope and magnitude that a scale to describe it has not yet and likely never will be devised. I would apologize for the poor quality of the audio, but I won't bother because none of you would ever know if I meant the quality of the version I provided or the quality of the sounds being made therein.

I'm not even going to talk about the lyrics because for many reasons I'm not sure what they all are. For our purposes here I'll leave out that I care not to look them up because the ones I can make out are so stupid,and just stick to problems with the song itself.

Dumb lyrics are the least of our worries here. Just listen to those...vocals? I'm not a fan of auto-tune at the best of times, but this is abuse of technology to such a degree that a small part of me is tempted to call computer protective services. I understand that young Wayne here has a unique voice, but it's distorted so much that you'd never be able to tell. Rather than a tuneful melody, it sounds like a robot is trying to rape a bumblebee while somebody's high school garage band plays whatever notes it can think of in the background.

If you're looking for the reason why the music business is in the sad shape it's in, point not your finger at peer to peer downloading or the slumping economy, but rather at the sludge-brained numbnut record executives and producers who listened to this and said "that's it, we've got ourselves a single!"

Even if you're a Lil Wayne fan, hell, even if you're Lil Wayne himself, there's no way this song can have a single redeeming quality. If it does, I'd love to hear about it. I'll take your silence as your agreement with one of the few infallible opinions I'll ever have.

Fart In The Duck?

I saw this yesterday and wasn't going to post it, but damn it it won't leave me alone.

Apparently there is this new trend called Autour Du Mondegreens, or misheard lyrics around the world, where you try and make up the lyrics to foreign songs as if they were written in your first language. this dutch cartoon, which english-speakers are convinced is called fart in the duck is supposed to have hilarious captions. Damn me for not being able to see them. I've tried to google out what they are, but all I keep getting are more links to the fart in the duck video, along with repeated "ha ha ha those captions, they're awesome!" Apparently they're vulgar, the place where I first saw the video said they're not safe for work. You have been warned.

But this one cracks me up. Some woman on Bulgarian Idol decided she had the song she wanted to sing. She claimed it was called Ken Lee. Woops. Not so much.

I Guess I'm Goin' To Hell.

Damn, this quiz is funny, and emphasizes what we have said about the bible before. Do you have biblical morals? I apparently do not. I got a 0. What do you get?

Bigtime Drug Dealer

Wow. We talked about a woman being so big that technicians considered the possibility of having her MRI done at the zoo. Now we have a prisoner that's so fat that he had to be brought to court in a rental truck. Get this. He was arraigned on the loading dock. My question is if stephen Turo hasn't left the house in years, how did he deal drugs?

You're Kidding, right?

Here's another story that's laughable for one sentence. The story was about a reporter who plajorized a story out of a magazine and then got busted for it. In a statement by the newspaper's editor, it says

Any act of ignoring fact, impairing the newspaper's credibility and misleading readers cannot be forgiven.

Newsflash, you're in China. That means there must be a lot of unforgivable acts going on.

Does this Mean We're Not Friends?

Oh god. Either way this crochet needle wound up in this guy's urethra, that has gotta hurt. How deep does this guy have to sleep for his ex girlfriend to have shoved it in there without him feeling a thing? If she did it, that's one evil ex. I can see why the relationship didn't work out.

Look Into My Eyes....Like My Tattoo?

This story about eyeball tattoos, yes, I said eyeball tattoos, is funny because of two sentences.

Even tattoo shops across the metro don't know what would propel someone to do something like this, but they say it's unneeded legislation.

Propel? Would that be compel? The use of the word propel in the context of eyeball tattoos gives me the image of someone getting their eyes shoved into a tattoo gun.

This sentance makes me sad because of my immediate response to it.

"Common sense will keep this horrible thing from happening," King concluded.

Uh, even though it does seem silly to pass a law like this, we don't seem to have common sense anymore, so maybe his conclusion is a bad one.

Maybe the eyeball tattoo would do one good thing. It would definitely be an easy way to tell the really dumb nut bars from the rest of us.

License to Make Stupid Irishman Jokes

It looks like some Irish police are quite embarrassed. They had charged what looked like one particularly bad Polish driver with fifty traffic offenses. This person had the name "Prawo Jazdy." Someone wondered why this Jazdy was on the move so much, having several addresses all over Ireland. Then a smart member of the force figured out what happened. Prawo Jazdy is Polish for driving license. Oops.

You'd think they would know what licenses in neighbouring countries looked like. I mean, this is Europe. You can get from one country to the other in no time flat. Well I guess they'll know what a Polish license looks like now, and someone will have a lot of fixing to do in police databases.

We Gonna Suck Down To Electric Avenue

I can't decide if thisWoodhands cover of Electric Avenueis more offensive or annoying. But what I am sure of is that this noodley computerized keyboard crap can stop right now or sooner, and that whoever decided that those vocal effects (especially the ones in the choruses) sounded good can feel free to die in a fire. The longer this goes, the more this whole experience makes my soul hurt.

For comparison's sake and to ensure that today's musical experience isn't entirely negative,here's the original.

Much better.

Someone Took The Long And Winding Road To Nutsoville

I need to start going to city council meetings. Sure, a lot of them are boring, but maybe, just maybe Steve Lightfoot will show up. Damn, this video rocks. It's one thing to read his tyrade about how Stephen King shot John Lennon, it's another to watch it. My my, what a well-spoken lune he is. I wonder if he thinks King took a stab, har har, at killing George Harrison. I think the best line is something that's not mentioned in the written version. As they're dragging him out of the area, he is heard to say, "Go ahead and laugh. California laughed too, look at them now."

As an aside, the site mentioned in the video exists. This man is truly insane. Sadly he claims there are letters to him from Stephen King, but when I try to read them, I see no text. Does anyone see anything, besides complete and utter insanity and bad sentence structure? I was going to quote things, but...the whole thing is just a mass of insanity.

The Doctor Is In?

Ok, here's another theme to follow. There has been a whole pile of people that I've seen recently get busted for pretending to be a doctor when they're not. What's up with that? A better question is what's up with people thinking these fakes are doctors when there are obvious signs that maybe they're not so on the up and up.

A while ago I mentioned those folks conducting cosmetic surgeries in a dirty house. Now I've heard about a woman giving some kind of cosmetic butt injections in her home that ended up injuring the recipients because she wasn't injecting what she said she was. Then there's Stanley bitely who was selling pills and giving shots out of a truck. Our latest is Jack Readnour, who set up a clinic in a Holiday Inn Express meeting room where he performed immunizations, mammograms and colonoscopies, but...he doesn't have a medical license, nor has he ever had one. Are doctors really that scarce? Are people really not that discerning about who gives them medical care? Eek.

They Always Say Write About What You Know...

I know when I was a kid, I wrote some weird stories. We found some of them later on and man they went all over the place, jumping from a story about when dad hit a skunk while driving home one night and how much the car stunk, to the fact that I had a mean brother who like to bug me and bug me and bug me. I'm sure teachers read some pretty wacky stuff. But I don't think this teacher was expecting to read an essay from one little guy entitled "the Painful Afternoon My Dad Shot Me With A BB Gun. Apparently the little guy wouldn't get out of the way of the TV, so dad just happened to be holding aBB gun, so he lined up it's laser sight...what? A BB gun with a laser sight? That's what the story says. He lined up the beam on the kid's left rear pocket because he thought it would be more padded, and shot him.

The teacher did the right thing and submitted the essay to police, and dad is facing child abuse charges...again. I just hope the poor little guy doesn't blame himself for the resulting upheaval, and I hope the rest of his family is decent, although a synical part of me has its doubts.

First An Inquest, Now A Lawsuit

Usually I don't think lawsuits are a good idea, but in the case of Brian Sinclair's family, I say go get 'em. After the botched internal investigation, I'd say suing for negligence is justified.

Ok, Now I'm Mad

Remember Brian Sinclair and all that stuff about how they didn't know he was there in need of medical treatment? After viewing surveillance video, that's been shown to be a pile of bullshit. What is wrong with these people? He talked to someone at the triage desk, he was hurling all over everywhere, and security folk were trying to get him some help, but nobody bothered. I hope there will be a rash of firings over this because that's just disgusting.

Do The Roundabout Death

I don't even know why I'm posting this, except the damn song keeps getting stuck in my head...oh, and roundabouts scare me.

In Kitchener, I guess they've put in a roundabout, one of those weird circle intersection dealies where all the cars drive around it and pedestrians have to decide when it's safe and then go and it somehow makes traffic flow easier. Here's why they scare me. I have to listen to traffic flow and that's the only way I can know if it's safe. If trafic isn't going either beside me or in front of me, it's hard for me to judge when it's good to go. if it's constantly going in lots of directions, I'm confused.

Anyway, I guess they felt they needed to do an ad campaign to tell people how to cross it, and did it in a nice happy video. You have to choose small or large, and quicktime or Windows Media Player, but then you'll see the video, and then get plagued by that damn song.

Is it me, or is the message basically that we pedestrians had better learn to run like squirrles because the cars rule and we're just lucky to be allowed to share their space?

Happy singing about the roundabout dance.

He Went Ape Shit Crazy

this story about Travis the 200-LB ape who went nuts wouldn't have been super weird except for a few things.

First, I love the image I have of him getting his hands on the house keys to free himself and unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car to play in the street. I don't know why those images are so amusing. He's a monkey, he has pretty human-like hands and a sophisticated enough brain, of course he can unbuckle a seatbelt and grab house keys.

But it's the idea that the Herolds got him shortly after their daughter died, and then treated him like their child that most grabs my attention. then, when he atacked their friend, they stabbed him with a butcher knife! Gees! I'd hate to be one of their kids. I mean, I wouldn't know what to do if a monkey was attacking a friend of mine, but I'd think after having him for 14 years, I wouldn't have to break out a butcher knife to stop him. But what do I know? They did say he had Lyme disease and that's likely why he went all nuts.

In any case, Mr. Monkey is a dead monkey. He opened a police car door and started lunging at them, and they had to shoot him. And their friend may not make it either. What a sad, weird situation.

Holy Toledo!

If I didn't have a weirder than weird story yesterday, I sure have one today.

So we have Troy Brisport of Toledo. He's just drivin' around Detroit when he comes across Shykea Boykin. She says she has nowhere to stay, so he tells her to get in his car...and then he proceeds to drive back to Toledo as she sleeps. From what I can tell, they didn't know each other before this. Weird. Not to try and pin blame on her, but why would she get in a complete stranger's car and immediately drop off to sleep? Was she on drugs?

When they get to Toledo, she gets out, and without question walks into his apartment, and then falls asleep again. What a trusting soul. Too bad her trust was misplaced with Mr. Brisport.

After she's asleep, he undresses her, puts an adult diaper on her, handcuffs her hands and feet, puts a gag in her mouth, and...reads bible verses to her for 3 days, from time to time trying to suffocate her with a pillow. And here's where it gets really weird. He never tries to rape her.

She finally escapes and is found in handcuffs, a shirt and a dyper and he gets arrested. What the hell was that? What a weird, weird guy. I'm glad she got out ok, although I have to wonder if she is otherwise ok. She has to be insanely desperate to do what she did.

I Wonder What They Had Planned For The Evening

Vibrating condom, energy drink stolen

That's all this couple took...from a Wal-Mart of all places.

Your Best Headline Ever For Today

Police rub out Beaver County massage parlor

Nice work, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

Yes, you are in fact the only one who thinks you're making a clever massage joke, you pervert.

Wrestling And Randomness, Not Necessarily In That Order

Hey everybody, how's it goin'? Here's hoping that you're all doing well, and that you have not and will not have the misfortune of catching the flu that Carin and I had. She did a mighty fine jobdetailing her experience with itand mine wasn't nearly that eventful thank Christ so I'll leave it at this: Don't get it, it sucks. And even when you're over it you aren't really over it. I caught the thing on Tuesday, could hold down food by Wednesday but didn't have the desire to eat or move or do much of anything until Saturday. Even then I still felt like an arse sandwich until yesterday morning...but talking on the phone for just a few minutes gave me a headache so all is still not quite right. Don't worryBarb,I still intend on having oodles of fun and good cheer this weekend. How much is an oodle anyway? Is it more or less than a gaggle? Nobody's ever been able to definitively put that question to rest.

Anyway, enough of this. Let's talk some wrestling.

I hadn't been paying a whole lot of attention to the411 Mania wrestling sectionin the last little while, but man am I ever glad I decided to check back in. The reason why can be summed up in 2 simple words.You Tubular.

The concept is pretty simple. Come up with a wrestler from back in the day who for whatever reason is a forgotten part of history and will likely never get a DVD release from WWE, search YouTube and compile a bunch of that person's matches and then review them.

What a trip down memory lane this stuff is, and not always a good one. Though to be honest, even when it's bad it's still very, very great. So far they've done Big Bully Busick, The Brooklyn Brawler, Max Moon, Battle Kat, Waylon Mercy, Adam Bomb and Tekno Team 2000. Quite the assemblage of talent(?) to be sure. The amazing thing about it is that even though some of this stuff goes back to the mid 80's and a lot of it is pretty forgetable, I remember it as if I just saw it yesterday even though in quite a few cases I only saw it once, at the time it aired. In fact I remember more about this crap than I do about what I saw on Raw just last night. Maybe that says more about my horrible short-term memory than it does about the state of wrestling today, but I don't think so. Think hard. What was the last truly memorable thing you saw in wrestling? I'm having a hard time answering and I asked the question. Certain bumps and small things and a few matches stick out, but there hasn't really been much that captured the imagination in about the last 7 years that wasn't ultimately screwed up by piss poor writers or something else equally stupid. WCW invasion anybody?

Speaking of current day wrestling, it was cool to see Christian back on WWE TV. Hopefully they'll take better advantage of him than TNA did. Shouldn't be too hard, but WWE Creative has proven that it's more than capable of holding its own in an ineptitude contest when it wants to. I'm not sure what it means that he was put on ECW rather than in a top level storyline with Edge and the Hardys, but unlike a lot of the internet folks I've been reading I'm willing to wait and see. ECW needs some star power and fresh characters so hopefully he can help out in that department.

I need to rant about internet fans for a minute here. I certainly count myself as one of you, but I don't understand some of you guys at times. the Christian thing is a fine example. You bitch up and down that ECW needs help and that it's being neglected, then when WWE puts a pretty big name guy there you bitch up and down about how WWE isn't using him properly because they're demoting him to the shitty ECW brand. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a lot of faith in the writing team either, but now and again they get something right, and if nothing else Christian can help bring some of the new guys along and help them become better workers and characters. Sometimes it's best to let something play out and risk being happy rather than find new and fun ways to crap on something for the sake of crapping on it.

That's all I've got for now, I'll talk to you all soon though I'm sure.

Oh, and very much belated happy birthday to Carin. She's old. Some would say she's old as the hills, but I've got it on pretty good authority that she actually taught the hills history in highschool. I kid, I kid *coughcough*no I don't*coughcough*.

All right, I'm really going now. Honest. I'm outa here. Finished. Done. Consider this pop stand blown. Walking away. Taking my leave. Exiting stage left. Leaving the building...

Flash Pants

Now there's a guy who's committed to his, um,...hobby? He even had special alterations made to his pants so he could flash people quickly and not get caught. I guess he was a little too slow.

C Is For Cookie. C Is Also For Controller And Clink

Ok, it's food fisticuffs time again.

Daniel Alvarez, 21, is sitting in jail and looking at up to 20 years there after a fight with his girlfriend over some Girl Scout cookies.

According toreports,Christina Alvarado told police that she woke Alvarez in the early hours of the morning when she discovered that he had eaten all of her cookies. He became upset that she woke him up and the 2 began arguing. Alvarez got her in a choke hold for a few seconds before she was able to punch him in the eye and free herself. They made their way to the living room where he pinned her down and tried to strangle her with a Nintendo Wii controller. She was able to free herself again and Alvarez ran from the home. He was arrested a short time later and is facing second degree felony charges of aggravated assault with serious bodily injury. His bail was set at $40000.

I'm not sure if they have cookies in prison, but I'll bet he's going to be somebody's Girl Scout soon enough.

Like A Flash, He Was Gone

This storyhas everything. A flashing, somewhat of a humping, and apparently even a getaway where none should have been possible.

The 20-year-old woman said she was dropping off a man at the apartment complex in the 2800 block of Douglas Avenue about 1:15 a.m., on Wednesday.

The woman told police she saw the man in the wheelchair in the lot. She asked him where he was going and if she could give him a ride.

Police said in a report that the man told her it was none of her business where he was going.

He allegedly wheeled himself over to her car window, locked his wheelchair, lifted himself up on one leg and exposed himself to her.

He then thrust himself against the driver's side window.

The woman reported the incident about 20 hours later and told police she would like to pursue charges.

Problem: No suspect has been identified and judging from the article they don't even have a description. If they did you'd think it would have made it in, but what do I know?

And 20 hours? She waited 20 hours? Good luck catching the dude. If he's got a decent chair he could be several blocks away by now.

This Is Fucking Great If You Can Get The Son Of A Bitch Video To Play

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

Well I Guess It All Depends

Oh boy. I would have hated to have been the 92-year-old woman who came home to find a man passed out on her floor wearing a pair of her Depends. His story is that he was drunk and somehow lost his pants when he went to relieve himself in the woods. So he needed to steal some pants to wear. Clad in his underwear, he broke into a home and grabbed the first pants he saw. They were women's Depends! He put them on over his underwear and passed out.

I think the only part of that story that makes sense is the part where he said he was drunk. Thank god when that drunk guy came into our place by accident, he was fully clothed.

The bomb Scare Created Another Scare

What? Pardon? Did I read this correctly?

There was a bomb scare at a high school. Everybody was evacuated...everyone except the 8 special needs kids. The reason? It was cold, 47 degrees F, so they didn't want them to be outside. Oooo. That's cold? You obviously don't know cold. And even so, it's a bomb threat! I'd rather be a little cold than in pieces.

I'm thoroughly disgusted. Even the way the principal talked about them was as if they were animals. What was she thinking? Well I'm glad they are going to reevaluate their evacuation procedures, which makes me wonder if it's written in there? Leave the disabled kids inside. Maybe we can use them like canaries.

I Guess they Got A Little Too Physical

Hmmm. Does the story of Christine Newton-John exercising her husband to death fall into the >weirder than weird files? I think so.

So Christine Newton-John wasn't born that way. She was born John Vallandingham. Her husband to be, James Mason, already lived at the boarding house of her grandmother and shared a room with the...boy? girl? Kid. Yeah. He was already agrown man when Christine, or John, was born.

In 1993, John decided to become a woman, and legally changed his name to Christine Newton-John in honour of...take a wild guess...Olivia Newton-John. Then in 2006, she asked Mason to marry her! He did!

Ok, how could anyone marry anyone who they'd watched grow up and who had grown up as a boy? I just don't understand. they can tell me the marriage was for companionship only all they want, but it's still weird.

then it ended badly for Mason. For some unknown reason, they went to the pool, where Christine dragged him around the pool and blocked his attempts to get out until he died. What the hell?

Blech!

It's a really good thing I didn't see this while I had the flu. Having it described in such vivid detail makes me wanna hurl. I'll never look at a can of mushrooms or spaghetti sauce the same way again.

Uh, Where Did We Park The Car?

Here's a lesson for burglars. Lock your getaway vehicle, or don't leave it running and unoccupied, or something. If you leave it running and unoccupied with the doors unlocked, your victim might steal it. Then you'll have to drop the loot and run away empty-handed. But these guys did get away, so I guess it wasn't a total loss for them.

this guy must be made of dough. I mean, they left "a pile of flat-screen TV's" behind! A pile? Jesus! He may be laid off, but he must have made a bunch of money where he worked.

We're Goin' To the chapel, And We're Gonna Get Ugly

How is this fair at all? I mean, all 3 of these folks sound like real prizes, but I still think the dude kinda got screwed.

Here's how it all went down. Warren T. Roberts had the apparent misfortune of meeting and marrying Katherine at the end of 2006. It didn't work out so well and they separated. Warren started dating another woman, but didn't tell her he was still married. Yup, I'm not saying he was awesome. Katherine got a hold of his cellphone and, in true snoopy woman fashion that makes me ashamed to have 2 x chromosomes, went through it and found a text message from his new flame. Katherine decided to contact new flame, enlightening her to the fact that Warren has a wife. New flame didn't like that so much, so the two of them, after looking around the city for him as if he was some kind of lost child, decided to set a trap for him. Katherine texted him and asked him to meet her in some church parking lot so they could talk about their marriage. Warren showed up. Katherine got in the truck and they started to talk, when...new flame arrived! Warren didn't like this, and told both of them he didn't want to talk to them. Katherine said she wanted her wedding ring back. he said he didn't have it, at which point she decided to snoop through his truck looking for it. Hmmm. I can see why the relationship isn't workin' so well. She likes to snoop and spy.

At this point, Warren asked her repeatedly to get out of the truck. When she didn't, he came around to her side and pulled her out. She didn't get injured, but clawed the everloving hell out of Warren and destroyed his shirt. Clip those nails, Katherine! The police arrived, and since he made the first physical move, *he* was deemed the primary aggressor and was taken to jail.

I guess if they didn't see the incident from start to finish, they had to take him, but wouldn't it have been more fair to take them both? I mean, he had marks all over him!

Dude, get a divorce, beware of snoops and don't lie to new flames. It never ends well.

The Clearing House of Carin's Head

Well hey everybody. You've probably noticed it's been kinda quiet around here. Well, there are a couple of good reasons for that, and I decided to write about them, along with a couple of ideas that have been floating through my head. Long, long, long post ahead.

The main reason is because Steve and I were both clonked by the worst flu to come along in a long time. I think it's the worst flu I've ever had. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It was horrible. I hope I don't gross anyone out by what I'm about to say, but off I go. There's nothing like heading out for the usual final visit to doggy potty land for the day thinking "Hmmm. I feel a bit off." That's what I thought last Sunday. Then, as the elevator went down, it quickly changed from "Am I gonna hurl?" to "Yes, in fact, I am gonna hurl. I just have to make sure I get to the snowbank outside." to "If I'm going to make it out before this happens, I'd better runrunrunrunrun." to "Oh crap. I didn't make it." Nope, I didn't make it at all. Right at the entrance to the building, all hell broke loose. There was puke all over me, all over Trixie, all over the lobby. It was a bad scene, a scene that was caught on the surveillance camera thingy...that some people can tune in on their TV. And that was the thought that was in my head. "Great! Someone could be watching me barf right now. Just dandy."

Luckily for me, a man who wasn't disgusted by the sight of me wiped off Trixie. I didn't realize how badly she got covered. I also didn't realize that somehow, I had gotten it on my forehead and nose! Whaaat? After trying to clean us up some, he called maintenance, who were nice about cleaning up the war zone, er, lobby. I was fully prepared that I'd be down there with a mop and bucket.

Incidentally, getting the puke smell out of a leather leash is horribly difficult. I don't even know if it's all gone. I didn't have leather cleaner, so the leash has become hard from cleaning with water, and soap and water to try and get rid of that horrid stench, and I still have to buy something to moisturize the poor leash so it doesn't crack. It's been suggested that I use water and baking soda, a product called "Goo Gone," saddle soap, leather-cleaning wipes, all manner of things. The trick is finding some of them. Everyone tells me to go to a place that sells horse products, and then promptly says "I don't know where that is." I haven't tried the water and baking soda thing yet. I almost want to have something on hand to moisturize the leash before I put it through more drenchings of water.

After I dragged myself upstairs, the real agony started. For the next 12 hours, well...let's just say both ends were not happy, and even when there wasn't anything left, they were still not happy. I was very afraid that this was far worse than a flu.

But things settled after that, and I slept and slept and slept, only waking to stagger out to doggy potty. I honestly don't remember much of Monday. I just know that when you feel like crap, going out to uneven ground while your dog circles and does her business is freaking difficult. This was the first time I was so sick that I actually hoped someone else would relieve the dog. Poor Steve wanted to do it for me, but he can't stand the smell of dog doodoo, so he said he couldn't.

Even when this bastard of a flu is gone, it doesn't leave you alone. Your appetite is shot to hell and you're all weak and easy to tire out. So Tuesday, the only thingI managed to do was go out and meet a bunch of people who wanted to get together to speak french. By the way, if anyone's from this area and is looking for an opportunity to speak French, why not join us?

When I came home, Steve had been smashed with the flu brick and so it began with him, almost in the same way. Thank god we didn't get the flu at the same time. We only have one bathroom! The only thing that worked out better for him was he didn't harf all over the lobby.

Here's something infuriating I've noticed people do. I'll say I got the flu, and it's a doozer, and they'll say one of two things. "Did you get your flu shot?: or "Oh I won't get it, I got my flu shot." No I didn't get my flu shot. I haven't for years, and I hardly ever get the flu. And the flu shot is not iron-clad. It's a guess of what strains they think might hit us. It's like a flu-forecast. That is not a 100% guarantee against getting the flu, even though they say it is. So to everyone who feels invincible because they got their flu shot, you may not be so protected.

Then, just when I was pretty much over the flu except for my lack of appetite, my computer decided it was going to hurl too. I installed the new version of Spybot, version 1.6.2 and it asked me to reboot. Why sure, why not? Well, when I rebooted, my computer was not happy, not happy at all. Somehow, my video drivers got destroyed. I had about three windows screaming at me. JAWS was crying that it had been kicked in the balls because it couldn't have a merry chat with non-existent video drivers, there was a hardware wizard claiming that I had installed VGA drivers, which are kind of the most primitive video support there is, and JAWS was also saying that since my hardware had changed significantly, it needed a new authorization. Oh yeah, and I couldn't read all of this with JAWS because it was busy bawling its eyes out over a lack of video drivers. But it was giving me just enough information to let me know that I was in big, big trouble. Oh, and add to that that my screen was black, so I could forget getting sighted help to get me out of this one. for once, I was actually at an advantage even though I didn't feel like it.

I couldn't figure out what could have eaten my video drivers. The only things I had installed were a couple of game demos and Spybot that I just finished installing. It couldn't have been Spybot, I was convinced it has to be a game.

Let me say again that I love, love, love System Access to Go. It is the most awesome thing in the universe when your main screen-reader goes. Sure it can't do flash or handle Firefox or do anything very complex, but it gives you enough functionality to check and send email, including pleading messages for help, search on google, probably for why your video drivers just ran away, and do anything else basic with your computer so it's not a buzzing paperweight. I love it so much. Some day I may get a paid account just to show my gratitude.

Eventually, someone said I should do a system restore back to the time when the computer last ran as normal. After some botched attempts to get my firewall to cooperate with system restore, I got it to go, and discovered my video drivers had been revived. Stupidly, what was the first thing I installed after I was up and going? Spybot! After all, I thought the game ate my video drivers! Boom! My video was gone again.

I seem to be the only one who has had this problem. I don't know what's up. I've sent a report to Spybot. But that took me two days of trial and error before my computer was happy again.

I mentioned I tried out a couple of game demos. Steve said he'd buy me a game for my birthday, so try out a few. I finally decided on Sarah and the Castle of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I like it. It has so much cool sound. I could play this game forever. I just wish I wouldn't get stuck in the broom cupboard so much. Any ideas on how to get out of the fucking broom cupboard? I'd like to achieve a grade better than dreadful or troll.

Lately I've had a few dreams about failing and I don't quite know why. In one of them, a little kid managed to rip Trixie out of my hands. I chased the kid down, somehow losing my shoes in the process, only to have the parent angry at me that I was chasing the kid who had my dog. Then I got Trixie back and couldn't find my way back to my shoes. then somehow I lost my best pair of mitts down adrain pipe and my brother saw them go and somehow kicked them down further. Then I got in his car, and he asked me to hold this giant container. Somehow I didn't realize it was open, and we went over a bump, and I spilled soup all over his jeep. . When I started to cry about how I am such a failure because I couldn't even hold a pot of soup, he told me to shut up and stop whining. What?

thenI dreamed that I was back at school and trying to help out at a bunch of events, but was never really helpful, and in the process of getting involved in all these events, I managed to miss all my classes. What the hell's up with all these dreams about screwing up? Is there a part of me saying I'm a failure?

Here's something I've been wondering about for a little while. I kept hearing a commercial that sounded like it was encouraging everyone to enjoy a green tea and trail mix cookie from Tim Horton's. Every time I heard that, I wondered why people would put green tea and trail mix together in a cookie. On Friday, I went out to Tim Hortons, and decided I was going to find out what all the fuss was about this green tea and trail mix cookie. So I asked for it. Then the girl behind the counter said "What size green tea?" Oh! So it's a tea *and* a cookie! That makes more sense! I don't know what it is about that commercial, but I was convinced it was all in the cookie. maybe if I'd paid attention to either the price or the end of the commercial, I would have figured it out, but I think I was too busy laughing at the guy who gets mowed down by the "approaching mail cart" to pay attention.

So that was our week, and all my crazy thoughts. Hope it wasn't boring.

Duck and Cover, You Say?

I'd always heard about the infamous "Duck and Cover" video, but I'd never seen it in its entirety. Now I have. Wow. Talk about scary and laughable at the same time. Yeah, a thin piece of cloth is going to save you from an atomic bomb. Alrighty then.

Did the adults actually believe this too? Did they really think duck and cover would work? for real? Or when they told this to the kids, did they feel sick to their stomachs?

Thankfully they never had to find out, but good lord. What a sad state of affairs that represented.

Funnily enough, the video starts with a glitch so it sounds like the singers actually think the video is dumb.

I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!

Here's one for the how the hell could you let that go on files. Earlier we talked about that woman found stuck to the throan. Now, an old man let his wife lie on the floor for ten weeks until she died and didn't get her any help. He said he was afraid to because every time he tried, she'd protest. But he brought her food, meds, and cleaned her up after she went to the bathroom right there on the floor. Yeah, he was really afraid of her. there comes a time when most reasonable people say "I don't care what you want or don't want, I'm getting you some goddamn help." I can't imagine letting someone lay there for ten weeks and not getting them to a hospital.

Did He Throw Books At Her Too?

I've heard of ridiculous things to argue over, but...the hours of the public library? Does that need to be fought over all day and lead to the dude punching his girlfriend and then telling her she couldn't leave? Couldn't you just, uh, call the library? People are weird.

You're A Horrible Person Because This Is All My Fault

Amazingly, somebody haspublicly come out in supportof the decision to stop singing the national anthem at the Belleisle elementary school in New Brunswick. If you don't remember how I felt about it,here's what I said at the time.

I have to say before I go any further that I do somewhat respect Kelly Cooper. She believes enough in what she's saying to open herself up to a lot of bad press and likely a lot of attacks on her character, warranted and otherwise. To be honest I expected this story to crawl off and die once the decision was made to put the anthem back into the school where it always should have been, so to see that at least one of these people has the guts to state her position surprised me. Usually once they've been beaten with the sanity stick slimebags like this try to get as far down the biggest hole they can find to get away from the scrutiny, so no matter how wrong I think she is, I'll give her points for sticking around and trying to justify what myself and many others feel is her totally stupid opinion.

With that said, my praise for this woman ends right there. Seriously, listen to some of this horseshiiit.

Kelly Cooper, the vice-chair of the Parent School Support Committee at Belleisle Elementary, said the anthem controversy that erupted last week subjected the school and its principal to unfair hostility and created an "us-against-them" mentality in the community.

Hostility sure, unfair...not so much. Canadians, like citizens of many other countries I'd suspect, tend to get a little testy when a few wingnuts take it upon themselves to decide that our national symbols are no longer good enough for anybody. If they're not good enough for you that's fine, but last I checked it was still up to me to decide for myself whether or not I'm doin' fine.

"We all have our reasons to sing or not sing the anthem. But for me this is about how do we treat the people who are different in our community," Cooper said.

Am I crazy, or did she just solve her own problem?

"We all have our reasons to sing or not sing the anthem."

Yeah, that's kind of what we've been saying all along. You can have your reasons for staying quiet while at the same time I can have my own reasons for singing my little heart out whenever I get the chance. Until you fools came along, that's pretty much how it worked. We coexisted because that's what we do. We quietly respect people's decisions without trying to force our will on those who appear to have a will of their own.

"How do we treat the people who disagree with us? Do we respect them, listen to their point of view, or does the majority say, 'We're the majority, too bad for you and we've got rights.' That doesn't make me feel very comfortable."

You know what doesn't make me feel very comfortable? Somebody on a school committee who doesn't understand what a majority is.

I'm also not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of a minority dictating to a majority. If the millions of us who want to sing can't collectively pull out our rights card, why can the 10 or 12 of you? What makes any of you any more special than all of us? Is your right to be pains in the ass strong enough to trump our right to be proud of ourselves and to live our lives the way we see fit? No respectable Canadian is going to walk around telling you to stop being from wherever your origins are, so how's about returning the favour?

Cooper said the welcoming environment at Belleisle Elementary has been damaged because of the anthem debate.

She said she would rather her two daughters miss out on the daily singing of O Canada than have other students feel excluded for a length of time each day.

I'm trying hard to process that and spin it into something logical, I really am. You don't want to exclude anybody because it's a horrible feeling...so you're going to exclude your own kids? Uh-huh. For their sake I hope they grow up to be very successful so they can pay for all the therapy they're gonna need to try to fix the results of 20 years of mom thinkin'.

The Belleisle Creek mother said the divisions created by the debate have altered the close-knit atmosphere in the rural school.

"Two weeks ago that's what we had, a school where parents felt like a community. It was a warm place," she said. "Now we have division, but we have the anthem every day. And I hope the people who wanted the anthem every day feel that it's worth it."

Whaaaat? Like honestly, are you for real? I hope all you people who have been living your lives happily for decades upon decades are happy with yourselves now that you've gotten order restored? You gest, yes?

Why is it our fault that you caused an uproar where we didn't need one? Your actions divided the community and the country along Canadian/Nutcase lines while the rest of us were content, and somehow that's our problem? Just...wow.

Please, do me one favour if you could. If ever you happen to do another interview, kindly show the reporter where you hide those massive testicles of yours, because they've gotta be some big ones for you to be able to make a statement like that and actually believe it. I haven't seen balls like thatin a long, long time.

Once you've solved that mystery for us, you can feel free to crawl into that big hole I talked about earlier and not bother us anymore, please and thank you.

Goomba's Pizzeria: We'll Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse

I should have guessed. Remember our Goomba's Goon? Well, he's a mobster under the witness protection program, and they're all mad at him because he blew his cover by beating up those customers. Crazy stuff.

Even The Biggest Of Failures Can Do Something Right Now And Then

I love ragging on the shittiness of Microsoft Songsmith as much as anybody, but I've gotta give credit where it's due. When the worst thing I can say is that it gets kind of monotonous at around the 3 minute mark, that can't be considered anything but a victory.Classic Hits by Microsoft Songsmith: "Shock The Monkey" by Peter Gabriel

The guide Dog handler Who Cried Wolf

this is the first time I've been in the paper and not looked forward to seeing it go to print. Tell me something. If you click the link to the story, do I look decent in the picture? I left the house only intending to run a couple of errands. I was not thinking about having my damn picture taken for the news.

I have to say that the people at the Mercury who covered the story did a fine job. the only booboo was how they explained Cory's vision. she isn't anywhere close to almost completely blind. she's legally blind, but she can still read the print on the bus signs and stuff. You wanna see almost completely blind? meet me, who can mistake a large woman in a green dress for a garbage bin. That's almost completely blind...oh yeah, and also embarrassing.

Here's the link to the story. I'll quote it below, just because newspaper stories have a tendancy to float away into the internet void of death. then I'll explain how I got embroiled in this mess and why I feel that way. I'll say again that the paper did a fine job of being cool about it all, but I just feel I have to apologize for getting involved in this pile of hui.

Woman and guide dog asked to leave store

Police call incident a misunderstanding

February 07, 2009

Charlotte Prong Parkhill

A Guelph woman is upset after being asked to take her guide dog out of a store in the Old Quebec Street mall.

Cory Chisholm, who is almost completely blind, said a Save Mart employee told her on Wednesday that store owner Chaudahry Khan wanted her to leave and not come back because her dog was in the way of other customers.

Chisholm returned to the store Thursday and spoke to Khan's grandson, who also works in the store.

"He said he didn't want the dog in there," she said. "So I tried to explain it, that it's a service dog. . . . But he didn't care."

Khan said Chisholm is a frequent visitor to his dollar store, and she is welcome to continue shopping there.

"I know it is a guide dog," he said.

"She was here for half an hour, talking to someone at the cash register. Many customers complained to me that the dog is blocking the way."

Khan said Chisholm's dog, Dagwood, was lying on the floor in the narrow space between the cash register and the aisles, and customers were going to the back of the store and around the aisle to work their way back to the till.

Chisholm said she can't see if she is in the way of other customers.

"If the dog is blocking the way, you could just say 'excuse me' and I'll move him," she said.

Chisholm and her friend, Carin Headrick, were at the mall again yesterday when they called Guelph Police and asked them to intervene.

Denying access to a person with a service dog is against the law, but after speaking to the store manager, the officer was satisfied the incident was a misunderstanding.

Chisholm carries Dagwood's service dog identification with her everywhere she goes. During the eight years she has had a guide dog, she's only been asked
to leave a store once before.

It's something Headrick and her dog, Trixie, have never experienced.

"I was surprised to hear that it happened," she said. "So I thought we should nip it in the bud."

Even though Khan said Chisholm and her dog are welcome in his store, she said she will probably never go back.

"I just don't want this to happen to someone else," she said.

Ok. Now I wanna explain what the hell happened. I was coming downtown to grab a couple of things when I ran into Cory. It was kind of funny because both our dogs acted out at the same time, so there we were telling our dogs to sit the hell down and behave. It was then that she said "Don't go into the dollar store in the mall. You'll get kicked out because of your dog. I just did." Surprised because I've never had a problem in my almost two years of having Trix, I asked her if she'd tried to explain it and she kept saying "He didn't care, he didn't care. He told me to leave because of my dog.

At this point I need to slap myself vigorously for not following my gut. it spoke, quietly, as if it were a little birdy. It said, "I need to go shopping at the dollar store. I didn't before, but I do now. I should tell corry to sit and wait and I should go in there and see what happens." But thenI got scared. I didn't know if I had enough resolve that day to deal with someone telling me to get out get out get out now now now. So, at the intersecting paths of smart and stupid, I took the road to stupid.

I asked her if she was going to do something about it. I said if he doesn't understand the law and he's not willing to listen, then maybe someone with a bit of authority needs to explain it to him. Then a friend of hers chirped up and said "Call the media too!" She jumped on this idea. I told her that maybe we should move in logical steps like rational beings, first the cops, then maybe another visit to the store, and if crap continues, *then* the media. . but all she kept saying was "No. If we call the papers, he'll know we mean business." I wasn't sure how I felt about this, but I've never faced a denial of access before, and she said that she had faced 8 of them. So I sat down beside her and waited.

the paper showed up first, and that made me feel ill, because I knew she had also phoned the police. the reporter was cool and took down all the info, looking at this little law book that cory carries with her, ...and that's when Cory told the full story and I realized I had been lied to. the story now was "I came a few days ago and got booted, I came back to speak to the manager, and she went to check with the owner and I got frustrated and left. Then today I figured I'd come back and deal with it, but I didn't want to go in there and deal with him alone again. I figured I'd call the cops."

What? What? Whaaat? At this point I wanted a vortex to open up and suck me down into somewhere where I could hide from view. This isn't PR, this is reverse Pr. Oh I wanted to disappear.

The cop showed up and was a good dude. He listened to her and said he'd go talk to the store guy. And that's when more of the truth came out. apparently while she was in the store, she has been known to leave her dog in a down stay at the front of the store, in anarrow place, while she went back in the aisles that she felt were too cluttered with boxes to navigate if she took the dog with her. She has enough vision that she can do this. People were afraid they were going to step on the dog while they were trying to pay for stuff. Uh, yeah, that's reasonable. I would never, ever, ever leave Trix alone up at the front of a store. I'm sure someone would step on her. People have thought she was a duffle bag when I'm on Greyhound. People don't expect to have to step over a dog lying on the floor. Plus, well, I don't trust her to stay that long alone. Remember my first-aid fun? I know every dog is different, but I think it's too much risk to leave the dog where it could be stepped on. If the aisles were too narrow, I would just ask the person working the store to go get what I needed. apparently there was an initial misunderstanding where the store owner didn't realize the dog was a guide dog, and asked her to take the dog out of the store, but once it was explained to him, he was fine as long as she didn't leave the dog in the way to be tripped over.

And then, at the end of it all, when Cory said she wouldn't shop there again, I was mortified. when it appears to have been all a big misunderstanding, the least she could have done was given him a chance. To go out of her way to snub him is disgraceful for all of us.

So, this whole mess could have been avoided if Cory had just used a bit of reason and not been so jumpy. I'm ashamed to be entangled in it. I think next week I'll have to go buy some things at the dollar store down there just to support the guy and show him that we're not all wingnuts.

So to everyone else with a guide or service dog, don't fall into the trap I did. If a fellow dog-handler tells you a story like this, if you really want to help them, ask a whole heap of questions before you make your decision, or do what I initially planned to do. go down there yourself and see what happens. I hear myself saying this and keep thinking "This isn't brain surgery. You should have known better. the way you acted was the way achild acts when they're still in primary school." I was stupid, and I will regret it for a long time.

So that's my story. Hopefully I can redeem myself somehow.

I Guess He Really Wanted That Job

this kid should teach Darren I can't find the office of my place of employment so won't show up for the interview Mirren a thing or two. he got stabbed, and still came to the interview on time, did the interview, and then they noticed blood on his leg and got him some help. Now that's commitment!

Are You Out Of Your Tree?

The City Council in Cambridge, UK (where else would something like this happen?), is trying to ban students at the Under Fives Roundabout Pre-School from playing under a 30-year-old cedar tree becausethey might damage it.

The move follows a Cambridge City Council report into the health of the tree at the Under Fives Roundabout Pre-School in Cambridge.

It argues the tree - which covers half the playground - will suffer if the ground is "poached and compacted" by "constant activity" which could stop water reaching the roots.

The report recommends: "Ideally, the children would not be able to play beneath the tree." 

Poached ground is commonly caused by cattle cutting up grassland with their hooves near gates and feeding points, exposing the soil leaving it open to erosion.

I know kids can sometimes be as loud as a herd of cattle, but even with our current obesity epidemic I bet they're still not as heavy.

The controversial council report also warns the tree might need to trimmed if children are allowed to play underneath.

It states: "In addition, cedar trees shed spiky needles and exude resin, which could result in complaints from parents and an application to trim the tree to reduce the nuisance."

Critics of the plan argue that the thought of kids putting enough force on the ground around the tree to mess with its root system is ridiculous since children have played under trees since the invention of children and trees. Surprisingly the it's a fucking tree, you can always plant more of them argument never came up, but I guess it kind of goes without saying when you've got any sense.

The 2008 Darwin Awards

Amazingly I haven't had the fake ones emailed to me yet this year. Either people are starting to figure this stuff out or I'm less popular than I used to be. My money's on option 2.

Don't forget to visitDarwinAwards.comfor a lot more of this stuff.

ANNOUNCING THE 2008 DARWIN AWARD WIENERS!

THE DARWIN AWARDS:  A Chronicle of Enterprising Demises.
Honoring those individuals who improve the human race... by accidentally removing themselves from it!

Celebrate Charles Darwin's 200th Birthday on February 12, 2009.
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2008 Darwin Award Winner: BALLOON PRIEST (Padre Baloneiro)
Confirmed.

April 2008, Atlantic Ocean | A Catholic priest ascended to heaven on a host of helium party balloons, paying homage to Lawn Chair Larry's aerial adventure. Larry, the beloved survivor of a Darwin-worthy fiasco, attached 45 helium weather balloons to his lawnchair, packed a picnic lunch, and cut the tether--but instead of drifting above the Los Angeles landscape as planned, he was rocketed into LAX air traffic lanes by the lift of the weather balloons. Astoundingly, Larry survived the flight.

Adelir Antonio, 51, was not so lucky.

His audacious attempt to set a world record for clustered balloon flight was intended to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for truckers. But, as truckers know, sitting for 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter even in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio made a fatal mistake.

He did not know how to use the GPS.

The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land, but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he prudently phoned for help--but rescuers were unable to determine his location, since he could not use his GPS. He struggled with the unit as the charge on the satellite phone dwindled.

Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he, like Elvis, had left the building.

The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. Since they voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool, the entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice over!

Reader comment: "There but for the grace of Tecumseh..."
See a photo:
http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2008-16.html

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"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." --Benjamin Franklin
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2008 Darwin Award Runner Up: A ONE TRACK MIND
Confirmed.

July 2008, Italy | Gerhard, 68, was queued at a traffic light in his Porsche Cayenne sportscar.  Before one reaches the light, there is a railroad crossing, and Gerhard had not let the queue progress forward far enough before he drove onto the tracks.  As you might imagine, given Murphy's Law, a train was coming.

The safety bars came down, leaving the Porsche trapped on the rails.  According to witnesses, it took the driver awhile to realize he was stuck.  Finally he jumped from the car and started to run--straight toward the oncoming train, waving his arms in an attempt to save his sportscar!

The attempt was partly successful.  The car received less damage than its owner, who landed 30 meters away.  Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.

The moral of the story? Momentum always wins.

Pithy Comments:
http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2008-17.html

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"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." --John Wayne
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2008 Darwin Award Runner Up: THOU SHALT NOT STEEL
Confirmed.

March 2008, Czech Republic | Steel is valuable, especially the especially the high-grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of steel cable can be found in elevator shafts.

This particular gold mine was a towering shaft inside an empty granary near Zatec, forty miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above.

After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downward, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft.

Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award.

R.I.P.

"Do not steel or you will get the shaft."
More Puns:
http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2008-08.html

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"Think of it as evolution in action."
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2008 Darwin Award Runner Up: ON THE PISTE
Confirmed.

February 2008, Italy | David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night, riding on padding that he had removed from the safety barriers at the bottom of the run. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope from which he had stolen protective padding.

Sauze d'Oulx is one of five villages that make up the "Milky Way" ski area in northern Italy. Popular with British skiers, the resort is known for its party atmosphere. A ski resort spokesperson said, "The men had all been drinking when they tore off the padding, and ironically..."

...they careened straight into the bare barriers at the bottom of the piste (groomed slope). David died from head and chest injuries inflicted by the unpadded metal. Two of his friends survived with medical attention. Another Darwin Award candidate is still missing after he wandered away "bloodied and distressed."

http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2008-07.html

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"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.  If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs.  We should test them for stupidity."--P.J.O'Rou
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2008 Darwin Award Runner Up: CLOTHESLINED!
Confirmed.

January 2008, Florida | Wearing only swim trunks and sneakers, a 37-year-old man raced his motorcycle toward the Manasota Key drawbridge. As the bridge began to open, it was clear that he intended to "shoot the gap." Bridge designers had anticipated such lunacy and invented the crossing guard. The closing gates swept him off his Suzuki, over the side of the bridge, into the water, and out of the gene pool. By a twist of fate the motorcycle continued up the ramp and made it across to the other side.

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008-13.html

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2008 Darwin Award Runner-Up: PIERCED!
Confirmed.

January 2008, Pennsylvania | A 23-year-old man with various body piercings decided to have some fun at work.  He wondered, "What it would feel like to connect the electronic control tester to my chest piercings?"  Several coworkers tried to convince him that it was a bad idea to wire himself up to the electronic device, but he ignored their pleas.

He proceeded to connect two alligator clips to his metal nipple piercings, one on each side, and hit the test button... His coworkers were still trying to revive him with CPR and rescue breathing when police and rescue personnel arrived. They were not successful.

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008-03.html

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"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" -Scott Adams
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We're Doin' The Shuffle, The 25-Song Shuffle

Oh my my. Barb tagged Steve and I to do this funky music quiz. So off I go. here are the rules.

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing. See which of your friends can name the most songs.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.

No matter how embarrassing? Ok, this has some serious suck potential.

1. (got it!) Old McDonald had a band, e i e i o.


2. (sort of got it) She was afraid to come out of the locker, she was as nervous as she could be.

The artist was Brian Hyland

3. (got it!) Well it's early in the morning, full belly clean bum.


4. (got it!) I told the witch doctor I was in love with you.

Barb, you were right, it was David Seville.

5. (got it!) Often on the weekend I'll jump in my car...


6. (got it!) People Try to put us down...


7. (got it!) Mommy, mommy, I love you dearly...


8. (got it!) I've got so much trouble on my mind that it feels if like I'm always sleepin' with the enemy...


9. (got it!) There was cheese, cheese, walkin' on its knees, in the store...


10. (got it!)Ug my kids..my kids are into Hanson...


11. (got it!) Wooo! Yea! I got the price tag!


12. (got it!) How many times has this happened to you?


13. (got it!) Maybellene, why can't ya be true?


14. (got it!) Three men jump off an overpass...


15. (got it!) Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray


16. Crawling with cancerous thoughts on my mind...

Steve, you're going to cry. It's Every Inambition by the Trews.

17. Well it's important that you understand me, appreciate my point of view...

It's a stupid Jeff Healey song called Some Day, Some Way

18. Well, way up north where the air gets cold...

Little St. Nick. You're both gonna cry. and it was the dectalk version.

19. I just can't seem to find the words to tell you just how much you mean to me...

So...Forget it? Ring any bells? It's Paul and Storm's Find the Words

20. (got it!) Save, save me from this...


21. (got it!) Last night I took your picture out from our old dresser drawer...


22. (got it!) Woke up quick at about noon...


23. Teenagers sure look sad today, "Like whatever, random" is all they say...

I love the Arrogant Worms, but this song blew. it's called Teenage Angst.

24. (got it!) Feel the rhythm with your hands, steal the rhythm while you can...


25. I backed my car into a cop car the other day...

Barb, you didn't get this one? You gave me this song. It's by Modest Mouse. And it was called Float On.

Well, that was...agonizing, and all edited to show just how easy it was for folks, well Steve and Barb anyway, they're the only ones who dared to try. Anyone who would take a stab at that will probably get every single one of those. And anyone who won't take a stab at it will stare at me like I'm insane. Out of all my songs, those were the 25 that winamp decided to play? thanks winamp, thanks a whole bunch, you asshole in a media player.

I do have to confess, I had to skip one thing because it was a prank call, and it was one of those Gilbert Gnarley prank calls, so really, the first line being "this is Gilbert Gnarley, G n a r l e y" would be 0 help.

so like Barb said in her post, if you're not the first one to comment, don't read the other guy's comments before you take guesses.

Have fun probably acing this. This isn't fair. I could only get 1, should have gotten like 4 or 5 of Barb's, and Barb and Steve are going to have the easiest list of songs to guess in the history of ever. Oh well.

That Was Easy

This obviously never should have happened in the first place, but at least everything is solved now.Superintendent orders national anthem reinstated in N.B. school

O Canada, Our...Non-inclusive Land?

This is so ridiculous that I, a person who has spent a good part of his life being obsessed with ridiculous things, can hardly believe I'm going to write about it.

Erik Millett, principal of the Belleisle Elementary School in New Brunswick, decided about a year or so ago to ban the daily singing of O Canada at his school because a few people complained that the songwasn't inclusive enough.How nobody noticed until last week I haven't the foggiest, but that's another question for another time. To be fair, Millett also said that his decision was made in part based on a desire to not have the singing of the anthem disrupted by students arriving late, but to be honest, that's complete garbage and I'm sure that he, like everybody else in the world, knows it.

Also complete garbage is Millett's refusal not to laugh these people off of his phone or out of his office and not to detail what exactly they find so objectionable about our national anthem. Is it the God references? The stuff about sons command? Native land? If so, why doesn't he just tell those parents to get their kids to not sing those parts? Or if it's just that they really aren't fans of the tune, allow them not to sing it at all, you know, like everybody has the freedom to do now. Whatever they personally decide to do is fine with me, but please, keep it at that and don't let them piss on everybody else's national pride. If he really wanted to be inclusive, he'd have told them *all* to pound rocks and to get some friggin lives when they were finished.

Is our anthem perfect? No, but why should it have to be? It's been good enough to serve us well for more decades than I've been alive, and in spite of what some of the morons in the comments sections of the stories I've read about this would like us to think, I've never heard of anybody being brainwashed by the religious propaganda it so evidently contains. this is a pretty conservative sounding thing for me to say, but honestly, if you don't like our chosen song, go find a country that has one you like. Oh, and be sure to take that goof Erik Millett with you, we won't be needing him either.

Are You Arresting The Drugs Or My Mom?

It looks really funny that a woman being accused of giving her daughter and her friend some marijuana to smoke is sporting the name Jodi Weed. The poor woman is doomed before the trial begins.

You're Pretty Cute. We Should Get Together. I'll Bring The Handcuffs If You're Into That. What? Don't Bother? You Already Have Some? Uh-oh

Normally there's nothing all that remarkable or even outstandingly stupid about somebody getting busted in one of those undercover child pornography stings, but when the somebody in question isVirginia Commonwealth University Police Chief Willie B. Fuller (which seems like the perfect name for a pervert) and he's using the screen name hotcop2006,that pretty much changes everything.

That Reminds Me...

I'm a bit late on this one, butCarin's post about the old guy driving the wrong way down the interstate for 40 milesreminded me of a joke I heard years ago.

An old man is driving down the interstate one day when his cellphone rings.

His wife says "Honey, be careful. I just heard on the news that there is some nut driving the wrong way down the interstate!"

The man replies "ONE NUT!? Hell, there are hundreds of them!!"

Baby Terrorists?

Yup, it's official. Rachel Jones is crazy. Who is Rachel Jones? She's that crackpot who was hearing pro-Islamic phrases in her daughter's doll. Now, she heard the phrase again, this time in the Nintendo game Baby Pals. Yeah, Rachel, because the doll and the game used the same source. If you listen to the news report, you can tell that it's the same sound sample. if that's not enough, here's the company's response, which makes more sense than what comes out of the mouth of Rachel Jones.

After all this talk of toys having hidden messages for her impressionable kids, impressionable kids who are probably getting more screwed up by their mother's reaction to some jibber than the jibber itself, I have to wonder if the washing machine tells her to kill her neighbours too.

Here, Kiddy Kiddy Kiddy

How did this guy get away? he can't honestly think that sitting across from a playground and yelling on a loudspeaker for kids to come over to his truck and pet his dog would be a good way to abduct some kids. It had to have been a joke. Or was it? Hopefully he can get caught so we'll know.

Apostrophes Dont matter? Thats A Stupid Claim

Guess where this is from. did you guess the UK? If you did, give yourself a big gold star.

The city of Birmingham has decided that there shall be no apostrophes on its street signs. why is this? Because they're too confusing, you see. Confusing? I would think having no apostrophes would make things more confusing. St. Paul's square makes a lot more logical sense than St. Pauls Square. Damn it, I couldn't even write the one without the apostrophe. My brain would not allow it.

I have read two stories about this, and this one is even more ridiculous. Why in Christ are the makers of signs putting in the apostrophe for no good reason. "Chip's and pea's"? "apple's and pear's"?

When I was a kid, teachers were always pushing us to look at the words wherever we saw them, even street signs. Now, street signs can't be used as an educational tool because city councils would rather have them be cute than correct, like Miami, who took the o's out of the Downtown signs.

Here's something I didn't know. apparently the apostrophe has been absent from all signs in the U.S. since 1890. Really? I had no idea. Why was this done in the first place?