If I Get Arrested For Posting This, I'm Blaming Tweeter

I totally understand the idea of national security and the desire to protect your country from harm. However, unlike those who's job it is to make sure these things are taken care of down in the States, I also understand the concept of having a clue what I'm doing.

Two British tourists were barred from entering America after joking on Twitter that they were going to 'destroy America' and 'dig up Marilyn Monroe'.

Leigh Van Bryan, 26, was handcuffed and kept under armed guard in a cell with Mexican drug dealers for 12 hours after landing in Los Angeles with pal Emily Bunting.

The Department of Homeland Security flagged him as a potential threat when he posted an excited tweet to his pals about his forthcoming trip to Hollywood which read: 'Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America?'

After making their way through passport control at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) last Monday afternoon the pair were detained by armed guards.

Despite telling officials the term 'destroy' was British slang for 'party', they were held on suspicion of planning to 'commit crimes' and had their passports confiscated.

So much for all that cultural training we hear so much about.

Oh, and that grave robbing part? That, apparently, is a quote from an episode of Family Guy. Somebody who watches that show more than maybe once every couple of years can confirm or deny if they'd like, but I'm willing to take these people's word for it because honestly, why would you lie about such an easily verifiable fact? Although, it doesn't seem like the authorities involved here are interested in verifying facts. They'd rather search tourists' suitcases and bodies for spades and shovels...just in case.

They also don't care to verify the spelling of Twitter. Have a gander at what was written on the pair's documents before they were sent back home.

After 12 hours in custody they returned to the airport where they were handed documents which stated they had been refused entry to the US.

Emily's charge sheet stated: 'It is believed that you are travelling with Leigh-Van Bryan who possibly has the intentions of coming to the United States to commit crimes.'

Leigh's charge sheet, alongside a police mug shot and finger print, added: 'He had posted on his Tweeter website account that he was coming to the United States to dig up the grave of Marilyn Monroe.

'Also on his tweeter account Mr Bryan posted that he was coming to destroy America.'

I'd do the headdesk thing, but I am a fan of neither concussions or desk replacements.

Leigh and Emily have now been told they must apply for visas from the US Embassy in London before flying to the US again.

Take my advice. Don't. Just stay home and destroy your own country. America is doing a fine job of destroying itself, as you can see.

Good Citizens? In Our Schools? This Must Be Stopped!

Whenever I hear a story like this one, I can't help but cringe as I think about how much those in charge of this generation are doing to ensure that they ruin it completely.

After learning a family friend's sister had been diagnosed with cancer, 17-year-old leukemia survivor J.T. Gaskins decided to grow out his hair for Locks of Love, a non-profit that uses donated hair to provide hairpieces to lower income children with long-term medical hair loss caused by cancer and other diseases.

But administrators at the Madison Academy, where Gaskin attends high school near Flint, Mich., ruled that his long hair was in violation of the school's dress code policy and, as a result, handed him an out-of-school suspension, the Detroit News reports.

None of this has broken the kid's spirit and he plans to keep growing his hair and make the donation anyway, thank Christ.

"I fought cancer my entire life. I'm going to keep fighting this. I'm not going to not give back just because my school says no," he said in an interview.

Good for him, and complete ass backward opposite of good for him for the school officials who are so imbecilic as to not see how awesome this is and that it's ok to deviate from the rules now and again.

Keep up the fight, J.T. and others. And by others, I mean not only students, but parents and even teachers who have the good sense to realize that these types of zero tolerance rules do more harm than good. Things like this have been going on for far too long. This is only one case, but every time you put a stop to something like it, people have no choice but to take notice. And even if they don't notice right away, at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you stood up and did the right thing for the right reasons.

Open Wide...The Jail Doors

Aaa why did I see this now?

Remember Michael I use paper clips in my root canals Clair? Well, he's off to jail. It looks like he's only going to serve a year. What? Well, I hope people can plaster his ugly mug everywhere so you know to avoid him at all costs.

And yes, I'll be leaving for my appointment soon.

I Think We Need A Stronger Word Than Agony!

What a pack of posts I've managed to put up this morning.

Last night, I read something that made me shriek several times, and caused Steve to walk away from watching the Royal Rumble to find out what in hell was wrong with me. Do you want to know what I was reading? Alrighty, here you go. The Seven Most Agonizing Sex Injuries On Record.

Yup, pretty bad. Some of them I'd heard of before, but when you hear them in rapid succession, somehow it makes them seem more painful.

And if you just haven't had enough agony, have this old post here.

Eeeee. Cross your legs.

Find Candy, The Lost Cockapoo

Update: She's been found!


On Friday, while reading about all the snow and freezing rain and lack of buses and all that stuff, I saw a disturbing tweet about a recently spayed female cockapoo named Candy that ran away, with flexi-leash still attached, in the Woodlawn and Victoria Road area. Now, for those of you who aren't from here, Woodlawn and Victoria are both very very busy roads. You don't screw around with those.

I guess the poor thing is a rescue, and spooks easily. While the foster family was walking it, something scared the poor thing, and it ran. Of course, the leash is still attached, and it's clanging around behind it, which is making it run even faster. It took off across the road, and apparently was headed in the direction of the Upper Grand District Schoolboard. The poor person can't exactly throw caution to the wind and go after it, so here we are now. Because the flexi-leash is still attached, there's a pretty bad strangulation worry, rightly so. This just screams eek all over the place.

By the sounds of things, it had been rescued from some pretty serious neglect, so is very very shy. So, coming up to it in a hurry probably isn't the best idea. They recommend approaching the pooch facing away from it at a 45 degree angle, and probably with food.

The pooch went missing Thursday night, and according to this facebook page put up to help find her, they still haven't. Hopefully that means someone managed to take her in, and they just have to find that someone.

If you know anything about this poor little dog, contact the Barlee's Angels Rescue Network or the Guelph Humane Society. They know about the search, and will connect dog with the right people. If you live in the area, look in places where a dog might be hiding out...under decks, in sheds or garages, small places where a 30-lb dog could perhaps make themselves as invisible as possible.

It breaks my heart that it's been three days and they still haven't found her. They've been searching every day and still nothing. Help put Candy the cockapoo back in safe hands.

Hopefully This Song Doesn't Predict My Future

Well, the day has come. I have found a dentist, and I'm headed there. I kept putting it off, and I finally made myself go.

Partly because of our dentists tag, and partly because it's hard to find a dentist that will take my dental plan, I went strictly on recommendations. I was not going to find some random dentist. That was just too scary a prospect. Two of the dentists that were recommended weren't the easiest to go to, so I chose one of the easier ones. Now let's hope it was the right choice. The receptionist seemed a bit intimidating. One of the first sentences out of her mouth after saying they were taking patients was "Are you good at keeping appointments? If you don't show up for an appointment or don't cancel 24 hours in advance, we kick you out." Well, hello, and a warm welcome to you too. I also don't think she truly grasps the idea of blind. That should be fun and a half when she whips out the form and tells me to start writing.

And, I haven't been to a dentist with Trix yet. Yup, it's been that long. Shame, shame, shame! So I don't know how she'll respond either, or if anything stupid will happen. Baaaa.

So, because my brain is cruel as hell, it decided the greatest soundtrack for the day would be Psychostick - The Root Of All Evil


Really? Must you? It's been a long time and I'm not exactly leaping for joy to go. Why would you do that to me, brain? You're evil.

So, hopefully I don't have more to post about after my afternoon appointment.

From The Makers Of SOPA And A Bunch Of Other Dicks, It's ACTA!

One thing that's been lost in all the talk about SOPA and PIPA and their dangers is that they aren't the only pieces of poorly thought out and unimaginably damaging policy being hashed out by industry and world governments.

If you've never heard of it, meet ACTA, the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. It's got all the internet and inovation crippling of SOPA, with a little bit...who am I kidding, a lot of surveillance thrown in. And unlike SOPA/PIPA, this isn't a strictly made in the USA deal. In a way I suppose it is since the U.S. routinely tries to force its dumb ideas on the rest of the world, but it's being secretly negotiated and has been for some time by several countries that would really rather we not find out about it.

The link above goes to a video explaining in basic terms what it is and what it has the potential to do. I'll also gank the description and embed the video below, since for now it's still legal for me to do things like that.

If you stood up against SOPA and PIPA, prepare to keep standing. The internet and the future are counting on all of us yet again.

ACTA is one more offensive against the sharing of culture on the Internet. ACTA (Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement) is an agreement secretly negotiated by a small "club" of like-minded countries (39 countries, including the 27 of the European Union, the United States, Japan, etc). Negotiated instead of being democratically debated, ACTA bypasses parliaments and international organizations to dictate a repressive logic dictated by the entertainment industries.

ACTA would impose new criminal sanctions forcing Internet actors to monitor and censor online communications. It is thus a major threat to freedom of expression online and creates legal uncertainty for Internet companies. In the name of trademarks and patents, it would also hamper access to generic medicines in poor countries.

The Should There Be Bibles In Schools Debate Solved With Two Minutes Of Thought

So it seems the issue of handing out bibles in public schools has come up again. If you don't mind I'm just gonna go ahead and settle it right now, because in spite of the years long debate, it really isn't that hard.

Some of you might be surprised to hear me say this, but go ahead and hand the things out. Give out all the bibles you want, under two conditions:

1. The form you send home with the students needs to be opt in, not opt out. Religion is a very personal thing to a lot of people, and it's not the school's job to make sure everybody gets some unless they take the time to say no. This only applies to personal, this belongs to you take home bibles, which leads me to...

2. This is the important one.

There's a part of the debate that says we need religious education in schools, so we should have bibles. I agree. But unlike the people who mean that the bible should be taught as god's word and used to teach values and morality, I think it should be used as one part of a faiths of the world class. Teach all the basic biblical concepts you want so that everybody has a chance to understand them. do the same with any other religion and associated book that you can think of. And teach it in the exact same way that we were all taught Greek mythology when we were in school. Here are the key players, here's why they're important, this is what they represent and here are some stories about major things they are believed by a segment of the population alive in a certain era to have done. Make no claim that one set of tales is any more likely to be real than another. Just lay it out as written and let curious minds do the rest, like you would with geography, math or history...ok, so maybe history is a bad example nowadays since it's constantly being bastardized to suit the purposes of those in charge. Hmmm, sound familiar? And unlike the take home bibles, the class isn't opt out. It's not opt in, either. You're taking it no matter who you are, because it's essential to have a basic understanding of yourself and others and why we all think and believe the things we do.

If you teach in a way that favours nobody, everybody wins. And if everybody wins, everybody's happy. And eventually, if we can make enough people happy and a little wiser, maybe one day there will come a point when all of this warring over gods or because of them will stop seeming like such a good idea or a thing that so many are willing to accept. That last bit is a tall order, but everything has to start somewhere. Why shouldn't it start in school, where supposedly we learn much of what we need?

For A Small Donation, You Can Make A Brighter Future For A City Program That Needs A Helping Hand

I'm not really sure I have anything beyond the obvious to say about this, but I feel I need to point it out because...well, just because.

The City of Toronto is making an appeal to homeowners to consider making a donation to city programs when they pay their property taxes.

When Toronto homeowners receive their property tax bills this week, they will also receive a flyer inviting them to make a “voluntary contribution” on top of their taxes.

The city will accept donations up to $50,000 and homeowners can earmark their gift for specific programs or services, including the TTC and the Toronto Public Library Board.

This is not, to the best of my knowledge, something out of The Onion. The city of Toronto really is making itself into a charity. If you think that's an exaggeration, then please explain away the part where they'll give you a tax receipt if you kick in more than 20 bucks. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I can't wait to see the stats on how well this works out. I'm sure somebody will fall for it just because somebody falls for everything, but really? Donating money on top of your taxes to pay for things that your taxes and user fees are already supposed to be paying for? I'm sure Toronto's finances are ridiculous, but must the solutions also be laughably so?

If the city wants to do this the right way, they'll start shaking down every politician who helped create the mess in which it finds itself while happily collecting a salary. That seems like the fair thing to do, doesn't it?

This Won't Be Good For The Bottom Line. Guaranteed.

I just heard a stupid commercial on the radio. I know, crazy.

This one was plugging the new menu at Kelsey's, a place I actually like and was just at a few weeks ago.

The add is mostly fine. A woman claiming to be a server at your neighbourhood Kelsey's is raving about how they have this new menu with 16 new items on it. According to her they're all really good, in case you were wondering. She highlights one or two of them in what I guess is supposed to be mouth watering detail, and then she gets into trouble.

"If you don't love the food as much as we do, it's on us. Guaranteed."

I imagine there's some hidden fine print at work here, but it would have to be mighty fine if it's going to close a hole of this magnitude.

If you don't love the food as much as we do...on who's scale? Is there a recognized and certified universal bureau of love measurement of which I have not heard? If not, who gets to judge? It would be foolish as a customer to allow judging that favours the restaurant, and the same applies in reverse. So should a dispute over the love of breadsticks arise, can I expect a neutral arbitrator appointed by the government?

As much as we do. This would seem to imply that if I don't like my meal, it's free. It would seem to, but it doesn't because that's not what you said. You said as much as. So if I love it even more than you, is it still free? It should be. And what if my server sets the bar low? Sometimes you get an honest one who will tell you that a certain thing is just so so or not as good as usual this evening. If I order it and am unexpectedly impressed, that's a free meal, yes?

Or what if I pretend I like something either more or less because I'm short on money but still want to eat out? You realize that you can't argue with me, don't you? I may know I'm pretending, but unless you hear me say so, you're stuck with my bill.

You didn't think this one out very well, Kelsey's. I'll try to visit again before you close down. Giving away all of those free meals can't be good for business, so I'd better get on it.

You're Carin And Your Birthday Is Coming Up. What Do You Want?

''I can't remember if I've said this before, but I really don't like shopping for people who aren't me. Even if I know a person really well, I never feel quite like I've gotten the right thing.

I mention this now because in just a few short weeks Carin's birthday will be here, and if I like living peacefully indoors I'd better have some kind of present when it gets here. Carin never said that, but let's be real. A present that has to come through the mail being late is fine unless your significant other is insane, but not having anything because you're clueless, that's completely different. Any woman with any sense will never let you make another decision as long as you live if you pull out this little gem....or so I've heard. Even a bad gift is better than no gift, because at least you tried.

The problem I'm having right now is that I have absolutely no idea what she wants, and neither does she. We've also been together forever, so we blew through all that here, have some cute stuffed things business years ago. Plus it was just Christmas, and one of her presents was the last few bits of Austin Lounge Lizards music she didn't already own. In retrospect it might have been smart to hold one of those back in case a special occasion were to creep up on me in the beginning of February, but in case you haven't figured this out between here and Twitter, I'm not that smart.

So for a second, pretend you're Carin. If you know her or even if you think you do based on what you've seen her write and heard on the audio casts we've done, what would you want the Steve you know to get you for your birthday? To get you started and perhaps save you some time, dinner is a given and unless there's been an attitude change of which I am unaware, flowers are kinda dumb. She seems to think like me that way. I love you, so here are some over-priced dead things from the ground that you now have to take care of lest they become more dead to prove it.

I'm not just looking for lady answers. Anybody can feel free to chime in. If you've got what you think is a good idea, let me have it. Lord knows I need it.

Internet Freedom 1, SOPA 0

It's been a while since I've talked about SOPA here, but in that time it hasn't left the news. People have kept up the fight, letting government and industry know at every turn that the bill isn't good for America or the rest of the world. And today, government listened!

In response to online petitions against the SOPA legislation, the President said even though he sees online piracy from foreign websites as a problem, he won’t support any bill that erodes freedom of speech or expression, or that potentially threatens online security.

“Any effort to combat online piracy must guard against the risk of online censorship of lawful activity and must not inhibit innovation by our dynamic businesses large and small,” White House spokesman Macon Phillips said. He added, “We will not support legislation that reduces freedom of expression, increases cybersecurity risk, or undermines the dynamic, innovative global Internet.”

The bill has also been dropped by Congress.

for now good sense has won the day, but that doesn't mean we're out of the woods. There's still PIPA to contend with, which is almost if not just as bad. And just because it's dead now, it's no sure thing that SOPA won't raise its ugly head again in a different form. We can hope it doesn't, but if it does, let's make sure we fight it again, and do so even harder than before.

Dear Western Canadians: Your Police Want To Kill You So You'll Learn Something

It's never good when the first thing you sit down to read on any given day is the stupidest fucking thing you've read in several, but it's even worse when the stupidity in question comes from the police, who are supposed to be protecting people. Just look at this. Seriously, just look at it!

VANCOUVER — Police in B.C. are reluctant to tell the public what unique markings are on ecstasy pills suspected to contain a lethal additive linked to five deaths in the province .

That's because they don't want users thinking they're sanctioning the rest of the pills.

The drug is also linked to five recent deaths in Calgary.

B.C.'s chief coroner says police agencies have decided against putting photos of the drug online.

Lisa Lapointe says authorities want people to know that at any ecstasy tablet can be contaminated with anything.

does anybody else see a problem here?

Yes, ecstasy can kill you. If it doesn't kill you, it can mess you up but good. I've been around people who were on it and to be honest, it looked like a pretty retarded thing to be doing. You'd never catch me doing it, that's for sure. But not everybody is me. Like it or not, there are folks out there who enjoy the way they feel when they do it and are, no matter what the police or sensible people like me say, going to do it anyway. It's the same with pretty much any drug. It would be a good idea to stay the hell away from it, but not everybody is going to.

So armed with this knowledge and knowing that your primary goal is to protect the public and save lives, does it get much more irresponsible than hiding information about something that might kill them from the people who need it? Yes they're drug users and on some level there's a fuck 'em, they deserve it mentality that I completely understand having grown up around alcoholics. But at the end of the day we're all human beings, and most of us would like to live.

Will everybody see these pictures or read the stories and be careful? Hell no! but is that really an excuse to not try and to put people in unnecessary danger? Hell no! The potential that exists to save even a single person is reason enough for this info to be out there.

The Guide Dog Obstacle Course

Holy crap where is time going? It's carnival time again. And I was an extra big loser and didn't post the link to the October carnival when it came out. I'll blame having a brand spankin' new job for that little slip-up. Ah well, I'll do better this time.

The subject of this carnival is obstacles. Amazingly, when I saw this topic, I knew instantly what I was going to talk about. Now, the trick is getting it into something comprehensible. I warn you right now, this one is probably going to be long, winding, confusing, and huge.

Something neat they did at GDB for each class was set up an obstacle course that we all had to pass through to get from our dorm to the training buses, or vice versa. The dogs had been through this obstacle course and knew it like the back of their paws, but it was to get used to following your dog and to get to know what it felt like for them to dodge obstacles. But when you think about it, going through the process of getting an assistance dog of any type, and learning how to be a team, is a great big obstacle course, and the obstacles are slightly different for each person. If you're going to make it from contemplating having a service dog to having one and being a seasoned team, you have to navigate the obstacle course that lies between A and B. Let's talk about that course, what it was for me, and what it can possibly look like for others too.

My first obstacle was uncertainty. I'd heard how much people liked having guide dogs and how awesome they were, but I just wasn't sure if I was ready for it all. Could I handle all the responsibility? Even if I could handle the every day things, what on earth would I do if that dog had a huge vet expense? Was I a good enough traveller that a. a school would consider me a good candidate, and b. the pooch would get enough work? I had heard that getting a guide dog was a bit of a gamble because not all teams worked out. Could I handle the heartbreak if it didn't work out? Would I be able to do it again? On the other end, I felt that once I had decided yes, barring the team being a total fail, this dog would be with me for 8 or 9 years. Was I ready to make such a commitment? Then I think about the people who have to pay thousands of dollars for a service dog outright. If I'd had to do that, it would have been game over.

I spent a lot of time in that phase, because I didn't know anybody with a guide dog well enough to just ask them question after question after question. I think this is the reason lots of people stay in that phase, along with the misinformation out there about whether you would need a guide or service dog. For example, I've heard stories of lots of people who are legally, but not totally, blind, walking around thinking they had too much sight to get a guide dog. They would hit things their cane couldn't find or struggle along, all the while saying they had too much vision. Meanwhile, they would probably qualify for, and benefit from, a guide dog.

Or, I hear about people who have a second disability along with the main one that makes them think about a dog getting the idea that they wouldn't be able to manage a dog. In fact, lots of people who have trouble hearing or have bad joints or other disabilities do just fine with a guide dog. It's all about finding the right school and the right help.

Plus, while I was in university, I didn't think I could spend a month in guide dog training because most summers I was taking courses as well. So in a sense, not feeling like I had the time to dedicate to this was another obstacle. When I hear about people getting guide dogs in the middle of a school semester, or getting a guide dog right before heading off to school, and then I see them succeed, I feel like they are a far better person than I am. I personally feel like I need time to digest things, and don't need to be doing course work during my down time at guide dog training, or learning a whole new place as well as how to work with a guide dog. To me, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. But it works for some, so all the more power to 'em.

But as I was getting close to the end of my degree, I gave it more serious thought. After finally figuring out what questions I needed to ask, I started talking to people. Some of those fears and uncertainties started not to seem like such a big deal.

And then, once I decided to do it, came the difficult task of choosing what schools to apply to. Yeesh. There are so many things to consider. What kind of follow-up do you get? What about help with vet bills if you need it? What is the training like? Can you find grads from each school to talk to? Can you get a general sense from people about what schools have a good reputation and which ones aren't so good? If you get accepted to two schools, what on earth do you do? Do you just take the first class that comes along, or do you decide that you only go to school b if school a doesn't want you? So this wasn't so much an obstacle as it was a slippery spot.

Ok, schools decided. Now comes the application process. Don't get me wrong, all those forms are probably very helpful to the schools, but jeebers hell that alone felt like an obstacle. Plus, depending on what school I applied to, the forms weren't always accessible right off the bat. So, suddenly I had all this material dropped in my lap, and didn't know what to do with it. And not all these forms were to be filled out by me! I had to get doctors, ophthalmologists, and other people to fill some of them out. It was a small obstacle of sorts, but I figure it's worth mentioning.

And it's at this point along the way that you might start finding out how people around you feel about this whole dog thing. Some people might have misgivings about it, for lots of reasons. What if someone you live with or visit is alergic to dogs? How will they, or you, know if your guide dog will cause a reaction? With most people, it's as simple as if they don't touch the dog, they'll be all good, and you might have to make sure the dog doesn't come over and try and make friends with them if you're visiting them. If it's someone you live with, you'll have to start thinking about ways to make things manageable, if that's possible. But all this planning and negotiating could test how ready you are for this lifestyle change. In a way, it's a warm-up for when you come home with the dog and have to start being assertive and say "Yes, this dog can come in your restaurant or store."

The documentation is in, now it's time for the home interview. I hate to call the home interview an obstacle, because they're not out to make it hard for you. But it can delay your progress to having a guide dog because they see things that need work, or they say something that makes you start to rethink the whole thing. You're probably beyond that point once you've gotten here, but hey, anything's possible. So what could they see that could slow things down for you? Sometimes it's your level of ability to travel on your own. Sometimes it's where you're living. Sometimes it's something else. At any rate, if something looks off, that may slow you down, or make you reconsider.

So you make it through the application process and are accepted. You head off to class. You may think it's over, but it is just beginning. Only then do some people truly realize how much work goes into having a guide dog, and that no matter what time of day or night, that guide dog is your responsibility. Sometimes, this can be an obstacle for people who didn't ask enough questions or watch enough teams or whatever. Suddenly, they're back to the uncertainty phase of "Am I really ready for this? Do I want this at all? Maybe I don't mind my cane. My cane doesn't yelp when I fold it in four and throw it in a corner."

So you make it through training and you graduate and come home with your new partner. Unfortunately, for the first little while, life may seem full of obstacles. First, I don't know if this happens to everybody, but I was tired as hell for the first month or two. I felt like my life was completely rearranged, and now I had to think of all these things to do with the dog, and just when would I have time for my normal life again? Of course, that went away once I figured it out, but that can seem like one hell of a trial, if not an obstacle.

On top of that, depending on who you live with and how they are with respecting what you need to do to keep your dog working for you, you may have a battle on your hands. It's even more tiring when you have to fend off people in your own home from feeding your dog things or trying to play with him or her or constantly saying "Do we really have to bring the dog?" Hopefully this won't take too long, but it isn't easy when you're so new and unsure and all that stuff.

If that isn't enough, depending on where you live, you may run into lots of "You can't bring that dog in here!" and you may have to get very good at educating people on the laws in your area. Thankfully, I was very lucky and really didn't deal with a lot of that. But when it happens, it can be stressful.

And then there's the ultimate obstacle...when the team doesn't work out and you have to decide. Do I do this all over again, or do I just go back to life without a dog? Did the good outweigh the bad? If so, what would I do differently next time? I had to do this after Babs didn't work out, and god that was painful. But I think I knew in my heart that when she was showing me the positive aspects of having a dog, I wanted that again.

Sheesh! I think we made it through the obstacle course! I'm sure there are other possibilities I haven't thought of, but those were the ones that came to mind. Please don't think that I'm saying that getting a guide or service dog is more trouble than its worth, or something equally negative. All I'm saying is someone really has to want it to follow it all the way to the end. Plus, sometimes obstacles are a good thing. I have seen lots of people run headlong into getting a dog, crawl through class gripping the dream of having a dog with white knuckles, failing to see the warning signs that maybe this isn't a good idea, and then get coughed out the other end and want to give up at the first little hitch they encounter. Obstacles, despite their negative connotation, give you time to think things through. They make sure that you really want this, or I would hope they do.

And here's a message for all the people who say "Why doesn't x person have a dog?" As you can see from this long, winding post, deciding to pair up with a dog isn't an easy one, and for some, it may not be the right one. At the end of it all, each person has to know whether having a service dog is right for them. We can just hope that people considering it get all the information to help make that decision.

No! Person, down! Good Person!

The other day I came to a realization that I just had to right down.

Ok, everybody who has a dog knows this. If they've been working to train a dog, and the dog's getting the message that a certain behaviour, like counter surfing or picking stuff up off the floor or chewing on stuff that isn't toys, isn't so good. But they'll still try. I always joke that they say "Maybe today it wont' be bad. Maybe today they'll think it's great that I ate that piece of steak or chewed that shoe." When you catch them at it, they look all sad, as if to say "I know better, you told me I wasn't supposed to do that. I was just hopin', you know, a dog can dream, can't they?"

It's always floored me that people, even if they know better, will still try and pet a service dog. When they get told not to, they say "I know," and get all sad. But I think I've figured it out. People who know they shouldn't but do it anyway must feel especially connected to dogs. Why? Their behaviour is exactly like that puppy in training. "Maybe this one won't care. Maybe today it'll be ok. Maybe this one will thank me...oh I've been busted."

I'm not talking about the ones who don't know, or are confused. I'm talking about all the ones who say "I know I'm not supposed to pet you but..."

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner! As much as it still bugs me, I think now I might have to chuckle to myself next time it happens, as I picture this person as a dog. Maybe one will be a St. Bernard. Maybe one will be a poodle. Please, next time you see me, don't make me imagine you as a dog! If you know better, do the right thing. Always ask to pet a service animal, ok?

What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?

In just a little while, it will be dinner time. If you're anything like us, you're not sure what you're having. We're thinking about trying to get in on Just Eat's limited Friday the 13th deal, but that's just a thought. If we decide not to, we're still stuck.

Enter today's most useful website in the world, WhatTheFuckShouldIMakeForDinner.com. Go there, and it will give you an idea, complete with a link to a recipe. If you're not keen on what it tells you, just click on I don't fucking like that until you get one you like. there's even an I don't fucking eat meat button if for some reason you don't fucking eat meat, ya weirdo.

Have a nice fucking meal.

Logic: A Deadly Weapon To Religion

Here's a pretty awesome video of the amazing atheist taking apart another guy's poem. You'd never believe this was 14 minutes. And the funny part is if this guy was religious, he'd probably be an awesome preacher.

In 14 minutes, he managed to say a hell of a lot more than I did in this old post about religion. Damn it I wish I knew if it was captioned but I don't. Basically, he takes apart this other video poem called "I Hate Religion, but I love Jesus." Slowly, he starts to show how the guy can't really show how Jesus is different than religion, and at the end, whips out ye old bible and chops up a few common beliefs about how friendly and awesome Jesus is thought to be. Damn it, I wish I had an easy way to transcribe it or something.

So yeah, if this sounds like a video you'd enjoy, go watch it.

Destination Mars Is Alive And Well And Working On Windows

Aaaaaaaaand...I do believe I've smacked headlong into the next thing that's going to send any hope of productivity I may have had straight down the tubes.

Back when I was in high school, some kind fellow students went to the trouble of installing several games on the computers in the student lab. Nobody gave us a whole lot of grief about them being there most of the time, so there they stayed. And should they mysteriously disappear, they would just as mysteriously reappear, sometimes within a few hours. Funny that. To give you an idea of how old I am or how up to date our computer lab wasn't, these were DOS games. Ask your mom and dad if you're confused, kids.

One of them was called Destination Mars. The object was to successfully pilot your ship 35 million miles and make it to Mars without getting yourself killed. It was hard, and it was fun! Of all the games we had, it was one of my favourites. So imagine my face lighting up today upon receiving word that Richard De Steno decided to bring his old game out of retirement and give us all a version for Windows.

I've only played once so far, but it's just as fun as I remember. It's weird hearing actual modernish sound instead of speaker beeps like the old days, but I can train my brain to get used to that as I play, which I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of.

If you've never played before or if you remember it and are just as excited as I am, you can download it for free here. Warning: I'm not sure what it looks like for sighted players, but feel free to try it out and let me know. And yes the game is free, but if you like it, you can throw a donation in Rich's direction via PayPal at ironrock@verizon.net.

Have fun, and I'll talk to you whenever I can pull myself away from this thing and get something done. Kind of the way it was back in the day, now that I think about it.

You're Gonna Bite The Biscuit, Son! Not That You Could, Since You Let Them Burn To A Crisp!

Question: How does a quiet breakfast with the family turn into dad tustling with you, biting your finger, smashing a platter over your head and then threatening to kill you with the meat cleaver he's pressing against your neck?
Answer: Your dad is Harry A. Woods and you didn't watch the damned biscuits and now they're burned, that's how.

According to police (and a criminal information), Woods became angry after the biscuits were burned in the oven of his East Alton home. The biscuits had been placed in the oven by Woods’s teenage daughter, who told family members to keep an eye on them before she departed for a relative’s home.

That reminder, however, apparently fell on deaf ears. Which upset Woods, who got into an argument with his son, who apparently was less concerned about the singed baked goods. The younger Woods, Keshner reported, told his father, “They’re just burnt biscuits, we’ll make more.”

We'll make more isn't the sort of thing you tell a 6 foot, 350 pound hungry 43-year-old man, so the fight was on.

Woods was arrested and charged with aggravated battery and is being held in lieu of $20,000 bond. Are you kidding? Judging from the reaction, $20,000 is probably a week's worth of groceries for this guy!

Should We Seriously Have To Have This Conversation With A Newspaper?

Should The Times Be a Truth Vigilante?

That, swear to Christ, is a real headline on a real article posted on a real blog on the real website of the real New York Times. Yeah, for real. No, I can't believe it either.

But though I can't believe it, should I really be surprised? I'm thinking really hard and coming up really empty trying to remember the last time it felt like the news was actually about the news and not about the agenda of this side vs. the agenda of that one, especially in America. I'm sorry United States, but much of your news is terrible. You either spend most of the cycle talking about things that mean nothing, or you're letting people say things completely unchallenged even when those things are obvious untruths. when you're not doing that, this or that blowhard is spinning issues to suit his purposes with about as much regard for the facts as drunk drivers have for traffic rules. He's doing it, it should be pointed out, under the guise of providing the hard facts or the real story. The news long ago lost its way, so no, I shouldn't be surprised that there's a dude at the New York Times who can't decide whether or not the paper should try to present real stories.

I shouldn't be surprised, but I should be offended. So should you. If you're not tuning into the news or buying a paper looking for truth, it's not news you want. and if you are and the news org has to wrestle with itself trying to figure out what it should be giving you while it's giving you something now, you're not getting what was advertised or what you're paying for. If the hard news media's job isn't to be objective seekers and tellers of truthful stories, what is its job?

There's a reason why editorials and news are in two different parts of the paper. If I want somebody's opinion on the news I just read, I flip to editorials. If I want to know if the opinion I just read came from a moron on another planet or from a place I can trust, I look for the news story so I can read up on, wait for it, the facts. Is this really that complicated?

The job of the news is simple. Tell me what happened. Feel free to quote people, that's fine. It helps add context. But when you quote people, be as balanced as you can. If somebody disagrees and that disagreement might be important, I want to know about it. And if both those people are wrong, do your research and tell me what's right. If you don't know, tell me you don't know. Just tell me, in a manner as close to accurate as possible, what you know from poking around and from talking to other people who might know.

There's an old saying that goes there are three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the truth's. No matter what, the truth's side is always right. The truth can be manipulated to suit just about anyone's purposes, but in its purest form, there is nothing in the world more objective. That, my mainstream media friends, is what you should be striving for at all times. It's your job. Please start doing it.

Sugar Caine

You'd think, though wrongly it would seem, that the fear of police that's generally built into drug users and dealers would stop this kind of thing from happening. But yet again we have a customer not getting what was paid for and calling 911 in to act as a Better Business Bureau of sorts.

This time the disgruntled consumer is 47-year-old Suzanne Basham, who told police that she paid a guy $40 for some crack but wound up with a bag of sugar instead.

Of course she demanded that the underhanded shopkeep be arrested and that a refund be given immediately. But the only one arrested was Basham herself, when police found that she was in possession of a pipe.

Officers did go to an address given to them by Basham, but the people there denied they sold her anything and declined to have their home searched by investigators.

Maybe, if she has time between arrests, bad business deals and poor life decisions, she can go back and read this very similar story from last year and take comfort in the fact that she's not alone.

If Beth Gets A Snuggy As A Wedding Present, We All Know Why

Here's another example of what could happen if you text the wrong number, and you're...really dumb. Your exchange could get put up on a blog for all to see. At first I thought this was made up, but I don't think someone could make up this amount of dumb. it continued the next day!

What was really weird about this Jane person was she kept going between realizing she wasn't talking to Amanda, and then lapsing back into asking about wedding gifts. Um...just how out to lunch is she?

So...if you're texting, check the number! Now I'm hoping I get a stranger text. Maybe the one who said they got our number from Johnny 1 nut will text me.

It's A Tough Job, Patrolling The Mean Halls Of Shady Pines Elementary

This is completely nuts.

I realize we live in a bit of a different time than we did when I was growing up, but jesus christ! There's something seriously wrong with the system you've created when your public schools need their own police forces, and those police forces have the authority to issue criminal citations for stuff that should be falling under the category of cool your jets, ya little wisenheimer!

Throwing a paper plane, flipping somebody off, swearing or getting into a playground fight should never be the kind of thing that winds up on your criminal record before you're even an adult, left there to ruin your prospects for employment or higher education. And no, they shouldn't be the kinds of things that send you to juvenile and adult prisons, either.

It's nice that Texas is looking at the possibility of pulling back a little, but it's hard enough to undo bad decisions when you don't have lobbyists and rules standing in your way, so this is going to be whatever 7 levels above calling something an uphill climb would be. I hope it's also a lesson for people. When you yell and scream and over react to every incident no matter how big or small, this is what you get. We all want our children to be protected and safe, but we also want them to have a chance in life to achieve more than jail or being a drain on the system because school hasn't prepared them for the world like it's supposed to.

5 People+1 Guitar = A Pretty Cool Cover

It's been a bit of a long day and words are kinda failing me for some reason, so the best description I can come up with for this is that it's quite great. I've never heard the original song, but this cover makes it sound pretty good. But the thing that really puts it over the top is that all of it was done on a single guitar...by 5 people. Yes, all at the same time.

As you give it a watch and listen, think about the coolest thing you and four of your buddies have done and see if you come up as empty as I am. Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye - Cover)

Got Any Mountain Dew?

I read this a few days ago, and it cracked me up, so here it is.

There's a lawsuit going on, where the plaintiff is claiming that he opened his can of Mountain Dew and found a mouse in there. They sent the mouse away for testing, and found out that it was a four-week-old mouse. This posed a problem for this fellow's lawsuit, because the can of mountain dew was bottled 74 days before he opened it up, took a big ol' chugga lugga and then puked all over everywhere.

But Pepsi didn't stop there. They actually got a veterinarian to testify that if a mouse was in Mountain Dew that long, it would have been nothing but jelly.

According to McGill, if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” Additionally, “its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period,” McGill noted.

After 30 days exposure to Mountain Dew, “all of the mouse’s structures” would have disintegrated to the point that it would not be recognizable. In fact, “the mouse will have been transformed into a ‘jelly-like’ substance.” The only part of the rodent that could possibly survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”

Mmm, drink up!

So this is the part that perplexes me about this whole thing. Wouldn't it have been sufficient to say hey dude, the mouse wasn't even conceived when this pop was canned. It wasn't in there. Why, in your own defense, would you gross people the hell out with visions of what their product can do to living beings? I know it's what'll happen if a living being is submerged in anything acidic for 74 days, but people are dumb and they'll think what the Smoking Gun headline did. "Mountain Dew Will Dissolve Rats On Contact." I know, rationally, I'm not thinking that Mountain Dew will kill me, but I'm not in any hurry to buy a Mountain Dew just the same. I'll be envisioning ruptured heads and abdomens of rodents in it. Mmm. Good stuff!

Watch Out, 'Cause Here They Come!

I haven't seen it, but have you guys heard about the part in the new Chipmunks movie where a man named Edward Brown gets naked and then exposes himself to nearly a hundred people?

Thirty minutes into a showing last Thursday of the movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” the Chicago man allegedly stripped off his clothes and stood up from his seat in the front row of a theater in the North Riverside Park Mall.

Brown then turned to face 96 other moviegoers (of the kid and parent variety) and gave the Chipmunk fans a clear view of
his exposed genitalia, according to a police press release. He then returned to his seat to enjoy the rest of the 4 PM showing of the G-rated film.

Why would he do this? For a woman, of course. A woman he doesn't know and can't find, but hey, you can't win 'em all, right?

According to the Riverside-Brookfield Landmark, Brown claimed he had been let into the movie theater by an unknown woman who directed him to sit in the front row and remove his clothes. She purportedly said that she would return so that they could have sex and do drugs together.

But instead of living happily ever after with your sex, drugs and mystery chicks the way so many of these children's tales end, Brown was charged with sexual exploitation of children and disorderly conduct and is currently locked up in lieu of $100,000 bail.

Interesting fact: Carin and I used to know an Edward Brown. This more than likely isn't the same one, but we haven't seen him around town in quite a few years. Hmmm...

Hahaha! I Put Tape Over Your Face...Book!

Every family has its own strange dynamics that others may not understand. What seems like mean spirited behaviour or child abuse to one might be game night to another. For that reason, I have no problem with the idea that there may come a point in the parent child relationship when binding and gagging your kids with tape and hanging one of them upside down from a piece of gym equipment could be clasified as "all in fun.," However, when the kids are ages two years and ten months, that time has more than likely not arrived.

The young parents, Frankie and Kayla Almuina, are facing charges of child abuse after one of the mother’s Facebook friends anonymously tipped off the Arizona Child Abuse Hotline.

According to Reuters, the couple’s 2-year-old boy and a 10-month old girl were shown on the mother’s Facebook page with duct tape on their wrists and ankles and with their mouths taped shut. The boy was also pictured hanging upside down from an exercise machine.

The parents told police the photos were “all in fun,” but a sheriff’s department official said the children appeared to be “in sheer terror.”

Investigators seized about a dozen similar photos from the Almuina home and arrested the couple. Their children were turned over to another family member, while the parents were sent to jail.

And they're not the only ones. From the very same article, we also have this recent story.

According to CNN, a 21-year-old Chicago man is facing charges of aggravated domestic battery after posting a picture of his 22-month-old daughter, who was bound with painter’s tape across her mouth, her wrists and ankles, with a caption "This is wut happens wen my baby hits me back. ; )."

I just...I don't know. So many well adjusted people (myself included) are probably never going to have their own kids, but imbeciles like these can have as many as they want. Seems more wrong than usual some days.

Another Shoplift With A Cop Arrest, But There May Be Hope For This One

There's been yet another Shop With A Cop shoplifting arrest. A few more and this may need its own tag.

More than 24 Sarpy County Sheriff's Department deputies were in the store at the time.

Some of the deputies taking 75 underprivileged children holiday shopping noticed a man running from the Walmart with electronics in hand.

As pictures were being snapped with the children, deputies and Santa, 49-year-old David Sherman headed for the parking lot.

Several officers caught up to him hiding in a car.

Unlike a lot of the other fools we've written about here, Sherman seems pretty aware of his situation and wants to fix it.

"I just feel real bad. I feel like I really let myself down, let people down. I just feel real stupid. When you are on that stuff, your mind, you're not thinking about no police or nothing," said Sherman. "Your mind is just thinking about getting some more drugs."

Sherman said he's in significant pain, detoxing from drugs.

He agreed to talk for two reasons, to apologize and to hopefully get help with his addiction.

"Because I ain't trying to hurt nobody. I didn't hurt anybody. It was just drugs and alcohol, that's it. I just hope that they can give me a chance to get my life back on track," he said.

Good luck, man. Seriously. Hopefully we don't have to write about you again until we can put you in one of the happier categories.

We Call To The Stand...Oh, Forget It

This fellow didn't wind up in jail for anything all that out of the ordinary. He's a weapons, booze and drugs guy who can't seem to stay out of trouble. There are lots of those, but what makes this one special is...this.

Court records show his previous name was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, and he legally changed it to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop in October.

If you're gonna change your name, go big or go home, I suppose. But I'd love to know what prompted this decision. Is he a jazz fan? Was he trying to win a bet? Did he figure as long as he's going to be in and out of court/jail anyway, he might as well have a bit of fun with the poor bastards who were stuck calling and reporting on his cases? Did it just seem like a good idea at the time? Some of those weapons, booze and drugs guys aren't known for their good decision making, you know. And I'd also like to know whether I'm supposed to respect him for being funny/gutsy or ridicule him for his stupidity. I'll probably never figure either of these things out, but what I do know is that's one cool name he's got there. I think I'd rather be Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop by choice than some of the other junk in the names tag by force.

The Answer May Be Blowing In The Wind, But It's Not A Pen

An exchange happened a while ago between myself and a tech support chicky for Samsung that I still snicker about when I think about it.

I mentioned my friend and his phone saga in another long and winding post. Anyway, as part of his phone saga, we were trying to make it so it made beep noises when you pushed buttons, and those regular touch tone noises you expect when you're dialing. We called Wind tech support, but really they had no idea. They did end the call in a rather disturbing way. These were the tech support guy's exact words. "With Wind, the conversation never ends." Hi, dude? You're tech support. I don't want to have an unending call with tech support. I would like my problem fixed, thankyaverymuch.

Anyway, he realized my questions were beyond his scope, so gave me the number for Samsung tech support.

After talking to a girl for a while about the problems we were having, i.e. a blind person even operating this phone was next to impossible, she started telling me settings to change. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't find someone to help me, and the computer I could have used just crashed and was slow to reboot. So, she said she would write all this down and all I'd have to do was say a confirmation number when I had somebody available who could see to push the necessary buttons. I asked her how long the confirmation number was, because I had nothing to write it down with, and she said it was something like 12 digits long. I was wondering if she'd mind if we waited a minute to load up the computer and she said "Just grab a pen!" I tried to explain to her that this wouldn't work and she got frustrated with me. "Ma'am, just let me finish. If you let me finish, you will see that my plan will work," she said. I shook my head and let her finish. "Ma'am, just get a pen, and write down what I tell you. I'll tell you how to write the numbers and then you'll have it."

I took 3 deep breaths before I answered her.

I said, a. if I've never written anything but my name, how will I know if what I'm writing down is correct, and b. what good is it to me anyway? I can't read it." It took her a second and then she apologized profusely. "I thought you could see before," she said.

Um, nope. And let's follow this logic to its end. If I could see, why would you have to describe how to write each number? I would know how to write a 3, a 6, an 8, etc. Even if I could see, that doesn't solve problem b. I know I'd need someone around who could see to change the settings, so I guess she thought I could hand them the sheet and then off we'd go. But still, I can't see what I'm doing, so I have no idea whether I'm writing down the right things that this poor sighted person is supposed to read.

The point is if I tell you that grabbing a pen isn't going to work, it probably isn't. I kind of know what I can and can't do over here. It's kind of like saying to someone in a wheelchair, "Just climb those steps." or "I'll push you." If they're saying no, there's probably a good reason.

I just had to write that down, because it cracked me up how hard she was trying to get me to write with a pen. I'm sure she went home with a story to tell. Hopefully she will have learned something.

What Should You Do?

This video that came from a show called "What Would You Do?" has been floating around in my head for a while. Basically the show thinks of situations that make people feel all kinds of uncomfortable, then gets actors to play them out and watches what passing Joe Blows do about what's happening. The subject of this one is what would you do if you saw someone belittling or harassing someone in a wheelchair? For the most part, it's awesome because it points out stupid, annoying and downright unhelpful things people do all the time to people with all different types of disabilities. Believe it or not, people really do pet people's heads, try to push people's power wheelchairs, talk to them like they're 2, and invade their personal space. Plus it's good to watch ordinary joes being all eeewww, stop that!

But I'm conflicted about one point in the video. Often times, people would talk amongst themselves, and then, without talking to the person in the wheelchair, chew a strip off the "harasser". Hmmm. Shouldn't you check with the one in the chair first before deciding to act on their behalf? Isn't speaking for them making you just as offensive as the one you're offended by? I mean, the harasser wasn't mugging or beating up the person in the chair. They were just being clingy/obnoxious.

I'm not saying don't act. I love it when someone sees something wrong, and comes to help. All I'm saying is involve the person you're trying to help. Ask if this person is bothering them. Let them say yes or no before you take on the harasser.

I'll give you 3 examples so maybe you can understand what the hell I'm on about. Example 1, which I've talked about before in another post. I got in a cab, the cabby asked me to put Trix on the floor. I said no prob. Someone was offended that he told me where to put Trix, and before talking to me, called the cab company and said who knows what about the driver. He got written up, and actually came back to my door and told me what happened. This scared the everlovin' hell out of me because I didn't know why this cabby was at my door. He was begging for me to straighten out the story, but who knows what intentions he could have had. And this person had ways of contacting me. She was a store employee who had my phone number. So, because they didn't check with me, she got this poor cab-driver in trouble, and left me cleaning up a situation.

Example 2. I had Trix out on the lawn, and came across a guy in my building. We started talking for a while. Unknown to me, another guy from my building walked up beside us and stared down the other guy until he left. He then told me he didn't like how long this guy was talking to me and thought he was up to no good. We were just talking! There was nothing scary going on at all.

Example 3: One time, Steve and I got on a bus, and a fellow passenger yelled at the bus driver every time he used the word look or see when talking to us. "Lou, Lou! Don't use the word look, Lou! Looouuuu!" It got to the point that we told Lou not to worry. It was all good.

I hope that these examples help to explain why just acting without checking with the person, unless of course they're in obvious danger, can be a bad idea. I like helpful people, and it gives me hope that maybe more people realize this stuff is ridiculous, so maybe this stuff will start happening less. But please, check with us first. Otherwise, it means you don't think we're a person either.

And just because I heard about this other video, here's another reason why it's hard for people with disabilities to get jobs. Here's a scary real world response to discrimination against a job applicant who is deaf.

I'm Not Sure I Like This New Mean Green Flavour. It Gives Me Brain Burn

Talk about taking the standard old person back in my day, a dollar went a lot further lament to a new level.

Andrea Chavez, 65, was upset that one of the ice cream trucks in her neighbourhood charged too damn much and decided to do something about it, according to police. But rather than simply giving the back in my day speech or showing the woman a list of prices charged by the competition, Chavez decided to remedy her consumer complaint with a few squirts of Mean Green cleaner to the eyes ...absolutely free.

Unfortunately, she wasn't done there.

Back in her day, police officers were apparently a lot more respectful than Mike Ikemiyashiro, who Chavez reportedly tried fighting off when he came to arrest her. According to court papers, she also threatened to "sock him in the face" and kick him in the groin.

She's been charged with assault against a police officer, assault, interfering with an officer and committing a violent offense in front of a child. All counts are misdemeanours. the in front of a child charge, which I didn't know existed but shouldn't surprise me, was filed because the driver's three children were with her at the time.

Chavez doesn't appear to be in custody currently, so no bail amount was reported. Perhaps that's for the best. Had it been too much, there could have been trouble.

It's The New Curse At You & Me Interactive Play & Giggle Triplet Dolls!

I have to ask. The people freaking out because they think the talking toy they bought for their kids is swearing a blue streak phenomenon, is that a new thing or have I somehow managed to miss it up until maybe five or six years ago?

Whatever the case, it's happened again.

This time, the culprits are the "You & Me Interactive Play & Giggle Triplet Dolls" being sold by Toys "R" Us. There have been complaints that not only do the dolls do all of the regular crying, laughing and babbling, but they also have a vocabulary that includes the phrase "You crazy bitch."

Of course, now we must go to the audio evidence.



I don't often hear what the complainers hear, but I think these ones may have something. I can make out what sounds like ok and something that sounds a lot like bitch pretty easily, but I'm not getting the word crazy. How about you?

"So We're Even Now," Asked The Universe.

There are a lot of good reasons not to shoplift, and to them we can now add because when you get caught and are being questioned, somebody might be outside making off with a bunch of your stuff.

Korin Vanhouten, 47, and Eldon Alexander, 36, were let go after being cited for attempting to shoplift about $25 worth of goods.

As they returned to their vehicle they realized they had become victims of a crime themselves.

About $160 worth of items were taken from their car, including the stereo and amplifier, a drum machine and cigarettes.

Surveillance cameras show a man in a red sweater taking the goods.

You Deserve A Hashbrown To The Face Today

The calendar may have changed from the old year to the new, but some things will always stay the same. There will, for instance, always be another person getting pissed off and making it known by throwing an order back at a restaurant worker.

The incident, which was captured by a restaurant surveillance camera, occurred around 9:45 Saturday morning at a McDonald’s in Lakeland. Simone Paolercio, 39, had ordered about $20 worth of food when she got into a dispute with a worker manning the drive-thru window.

Jessica Balderas, a McDonald’s worker, told cops that “there was a disagreement over two hashbrowns,” according to a Polk County Sheriff’s Office report. Paolercio reportedly became “irritated” and “wanted them to take the food back and refund her money.”

After a manager arrived to speak with Paolercio, the educator tossed some of the food items back through the drive-thru window when the man refused to provide a refund. Paolercio later admitted that she "chucked it" through the window when her refund demand was rejected. 

Some of the airborne grub struck Balderas in the face and chest, according to investigators. When Paolercio denied hitting Balderas with the breakfast items, a deputy advised that footage showed "a hashbrown fly out of the bag and through the air." Paolercio, cops noted, "said she could not argue with the surveillance video."

Yes, there is a video. It's about 2 and a half minutes of complete silence so is useless to me, but since most of you aren't blind, here ya go.



Paolercio has been charged with battery, but that may not be the end of it. Her husband Chris, for lord knows what reason, has taken to Facebook to vent his frustrations over the incident and threaten legal action.

"I will never step foot in a McDonald's again," he wrote. "A lawsuit will be coming for what they did....."

Just what they did, however, remains a mystery. Perhaps they ruined perfectly good breakfast food by not catching it all, who knows?

Food Basics, Now with Screenreader Accessible Flyers!

A long time back, Carin mentioned the lack of an accessible Food Basics flyer and how it would be awesome if they had one because we buy a lot of our groceries there. For a while we put this thought out of our heads because they said if something was done it would be well down the road, plus the 100 Mile Market made shopping at a real live grocery store almost unnecessary. But now that there is suddenly no more 100 Mile Market, it's back to the real live grocery stores with us, so flyers are on our minds a bit more.

So today while I was rummaging through Carin's email (she knows I was in there) I came across one of the weekly Food Basics flyer emails she never stopped getting. Since it had been a long time, I decided to open it and see if anything had changed. Much to my great surprise and happiness, it had! Below the regular flyer link there was another that said "click here to view the accessible flyer." You know, I think I'd like to do that. And sure enough, it was completely accessible!

The layout is pretty simple. There's a heading for each page, and below each of those is a fairly easy to figure out list of the week's specials. You'll want to read it line by line since groups of things that are the same price and I believe made by the same people sometimes run together rather than having their own space, but other than that, nice work!

To access the flyer, you can click here. That's the link to the regular page, which gets updated each week. On that page there's a link to the accessible version. I'd have linked that one directly, but stripping off the specific flyer ID causes it to link back to the regular page anyway, so there's no point. You can also subscribe for the weekly emails that helped me discover this by going here.

I don't know when you started doing this, but thank you, Food Basics! We blind folks really do appreciate it.

Welcome To The WWF Fun Time Singalong

Earlier today I wrote about how much better wrestling used to be compared to much of what we see these days. I was not, however, so blinded by nostalgia as to completely brush aside the fact that not everything back then was great. In fact, there was a whole lot of stuff that was really, really bad. For example, If You Only Knew from the Piledriver album in 1987.



I'll confess that my 7-year-old self kind of dug this, but come on, I was 7! You show me a 7-year-old that doesn't like awful songs and I'll give you a mirror and show you a liar. To a little kid, it was just cool to hear wrestlers singing a song, or at least what passed for singing.

The problem with this, I came to realize as I grew, is that it was lame. Not only was it lame because well, just listen to it, it was lame because it was a sad attempt to recreate the infinitely more fantastic Land of 1000 Dances from a couple of years earlier.



This was my 5-year-old self's favourite song for a very long time because clearly, 5-year-old Steve had much better taste than 7-year-old Steve. I think I drove everybody in the world nuts with it by the time I was through, but how could you not? It's just so catchy and fun. To this day, I still love this with all my heart and will fight anybody who disagrees with me on the subject of its greatness. Luckily for me since I'm worse at fighting than If You Only Knew is at being a good song, not a single person has ever disagreed.

Wrestling Sure Used To Be Great

Update: I just found the interview Jake did after the Elizabeth slapping. I remember it having more of an effect on me back then than it does now, but back then I was in shock that this nutcase seriously just hit Elizabeth.



Since Carin's last Christmas present to me turned out to be some form of the plague, I've been passing the time by watching even more wrestling than usual. I've especially been enjoying watching things I haven't seen since I was a kid and trying to decide through my more experienced eyes whether or not they're still as awesome/stupid as I remember them.

One of the things I stumbled across was this 1991 clip from WWF's Tuesday In Texas pay-per-view, which wasn't a bad show as I recall. The problem was that nobody saw it, which is why there wasn't a Tuesday In Someplace pay-per-view ever again. Well, there was Taboo Tuesday, but that worked out about as well as anybody who remembers Tuesday In Texas should have expected. Yes, should have. Those who don't learn from history and all that, which pretty much sums up WWE over the last decade or so.

This is the end of Randy Savage vs. Jake Roberts.



Anybody who argues that wrestling back in the day wasn't better than it is now has probably never seen this. Yes, there was a lot of terrible stuff back in the day, but one thing that was done right more than it wasn't was long-term storytelling. Everything you're watching meant something for a lot of reasons, many of which explain perfectly why almost nothing means anything now.

For starters, Macho Man and Jake was an angle that began before you had any idea it was going to begin. Heel Macho Man lost his career in a match to the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania that year, but was then turned face when he finally reunited with Elizabeth after years apart when she saved him from Sensational Sherri, who had just lost her job along with his and was none too pleased about it. One of the key parts of this is years, because the more time passes, the more it means when something you don't expect to happen happens.

Speaking of which, all of this eventually wound up with the wedding angle, which wouldn't have worked had Savage not been turned months earlier and had it not been building silently for years. It was something a lot of people wanted to see, to the point where it was actually one of the main draws for Summerslam.

This is where Jake comes in. He's been a heel for a while, but it's still weird not cheering for him after so long. He's a pretty good heel, but not great yet. Then...he ruins the wedding reception. This, naturally, sets Savage off and he starts campaigning WWF officials to reinstate him. All the while, Jake keeps pushing his buttons, doing all kinds of interviews insulting and threatening Savage and Elizabeth. Just when it looks like Macho Man will be allowed to wrestle again in time for Survivor Series, one of the creepiest things I've ever seen happens.



That would have been crazy anyway, but it was helped out significantly by the snake going into business for itself and chewing on Savage's arm longer than intended. It obviously wasn't poisonous, but everybody involved sure sold the shit out of the fact that it could be. I was 11 when this happened, and I remember adults who couldn't believe what they were seeing and were as legitimately worried about Macho Man as I was.

This brings us to the video at the top. Macho Man was reinstated. he got the match he wanted. He won. You'd think that would be the end of the story. But no. And this, again, is where long-term stories are important.

We've been told for years that the DDT is a dangerous move. If one will knock you out, the three that Savage took after the match might just kill him. We've also known for years that Elizabeth almost never gets physically involved. She stands outside, being a cheerleader and an inspiration. the other thing we've learned over several months is that Jake is fucking nuts. He had a snake try to gnaw off a guy's arm, for crying out loud!

The important thing about all of this is that unlike with much of today's wrestling, these three facts all had time to sink in. they had been established as the angle slowly built, and they were allowed to take time to play themselves out in the ring when it was time to pay it off. Every movement every person made meant something, and the commentators made sure to hammer it all home. We knew what we were seeing wasn't something that was supposed to happen. And once Jake hit Elizabeth, everybody watching knew they had seen something huge. Jake Roberts was the most hated man in the world, and Randy Savage and his innocent wife were as sympathetic as Jake was despised. We all wanted to see Jake get his, and we were willing to part with money for the privilege.

My point in all of this isn't just goddamn that was great stuff, but that wrestling needs to get back to it. When writers can't keep stories straight from week to week or sometimes even from hour to hour, it's impossible to get attached to characters or hooked by the stories those characters are trying to tell. Also, slow the hell down! There's no need to tell a 4 month story in 3 weeks. You can't invest yourself in something that's moving so fast. Give us time to digest what we've just seen.

Wrestling will never completely go back to the way it was. It can't. Too much has happened, and the world has changed. But there are things that will always work no matter what. Well paced, easy to understand situations involving people you can believe in will always work better than thrown together, rushed crap poorly acted by people who don't seem comfortable as the person they're being told to play. If you give people that, they'll want more. They'll even pay for it. Wrestling has worked that way forever. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. It doesn't need it.

Trixie Scoop

I think Trix needs a little bit of chatter. It's been a long time since I've devoted a post just to Trix and only Trix.

Trix got her new tag, or doggy bling as some call it. It's funny. Every year, for a while, she sounds different with her new tag on. I put the old one in the drawer, and gasped. I held in my hand 5 tags. Yes, this April will be five years together. Um, that's just amazing. And she'll be 7 years old. Holy crap.

It dawned on me the other day that when that dreaded time for retirement comes, I probably won't be able to keep Trix because hopefully I'll still have my awesome job. This, although it is awesome, means I won't be around to take care of Trix's needs all day, and I'll probably be too tired to take care of two dogs at night. So, I've actually had to contemplate who would get Trix in retirement. That is a painful thing to think about, kind of like watching your parents and grandparents talk about how their stuff will be divided up after they die. You know they are just being practical, but you just want to plug your ears and go "la la la I don't hear that la la la la." Hopefully this is something I won't have to think about for a long time, but the fact is the average retirement age for a guide dog these days is 8 or so, so since she's turning 7 this year...well...

You know how I said a while ago that Trix likes to go into her new vet? Well, she's gotten a little silly, just like she did near her old vet. Time to step up the treats, even though they give her some too. I guess you just really don't like vets, eh Trixeroo?

But I friggin love this vet. Thanks to a couple of supplements that Trix takes now, she licks herself a lot less, and her skin looks a lot better. Also, on her suggestion of adding a bit of pure pumpkin to her food, her anal glands don't get nearly as full! Plus, this woman connected me with a clinic in Kitchener that isn't far from work, just in case, God forbid, something happens to Trix while I'm in Kitchener. I do not want to be googling out vets during an emergency. That's not how I roll.

And Trix has developed an even bigger hate for the bathing place, which makes me super sad. Last time, she even started shaking. That broke my heart in a million little pieces.

I'll probably still try to go there, and just treat her lots, but thanks to Trix's best bud Ruby's person, I now own a dog-bathing attachment for my own tub, which turns any faucet into the right nozzle for bathing a pooch. Yea! And it looks pretty easy to put on. Double woo! So, if she reeeeally hates that place and it's actually traumatizing her, then at least I have something for home. Plus, there are times when you have to give your pooch a touch-up, like after they've had to lay in icky gross things or after your clumsy friend spills beer all over them.

I guess like us humans have food-related quirks, dogs can have them too. I discovered one with Trix this holiday.

Like I said, she takes a couple of supplements on her food. She takes a fish oil capsule in the morning and powder at night. So, I put out her morning food like normal. She was happily chomping away, when Steve's sister said something weird. "Um, is Trix eating an advill?" I laughed and said no, it was probably her fish oil capsule. She then said that Trix was trying to hide the capsule under the cupboard, so she fed it to her by hand.

This surprised me, since she's never pushed away those capsules and just gobbles them up. Plus, if she doesn't want to eat something, she won't just take it out of your hand, you have to make her take it.

So, the next day, I watched what was going on...and apparently she has to eat some of the food first, and *then* the capsule. But since she had a smaller dish, when she was trying to root around the capsule to eat more food, she knocked it out. Then she tried to track it down, but the more she pushed it, the more it rolled. Poor dog. But who knew she had to eat the capsule only after eating some of the food?

I sent the present off to Trix's raisers. I really hope they like it. After I know they've received it, I can talk about it more. And when we were home at Steve's place, Steve's mom got a potentially really cute picture of Trix. One night, the night the power went off, I guess Trix got really tired but didn't want to go to her bed I had set up in the other room. Under their tree, they have a tree skirt. I guess this looked like a perfect bed to Trix, so she somehow rooted out enough of it so she could lie down, and didn't screw up the tree! So there Trix was, lying under the tree, in the tree skirt. Everybody laughed, so I guess it looked pretty cute. I'll have to wait for that pic since Steve's mom has it on the camera, but when I get it, I'll put it up.

I guess that's all the Trix updates for now. I'll try and do better this year, but no promises. I've become a pretty crumby blogger lately.

The Shortest Holiday Wrap-Up Ever!

Well holy crap, it's another year starting. Each year seems to go faster and faster. Before we know what hit us, Christmas will be here again and I'll be repeating the same stuff. I don't think this holiday update will be as huge as they usually are.

I'm happy to report that unlike last Christmas, there were absolutely no trips to the ER in either of our families. Also, although Steve has caught my bastard of a cold, I can't imagine him needing to visit an ER or chamber of fate anytime soon. This is very good. I have also survived my first four Christmas dinner hop. It was definitely busy, and kept us hopping.

Despite my best intentions, I did not whip that cold into submission. I apparently looked like death warmed over at Steve's family's Christmas Eve due, but I made it, and thanks to Buckly's cold and sinus pills, I didn't feel quite as bad as I looked. It was a good time, and the kids made it fun for sure. Damn are they getting big. I feel old.

Then it was Christmas Day, and I think the calmest day of the bunch. It was just the immediate family who hung out, and we spent the day snacking and opened presents when Steve's sister got home from work. I got some cool stuff, including more clothes I can wear to work, which is always appreciated, and lots of candy and fun stuff. Steve got a new office chair, which he has been enjoying quite a lot. For dinner, we had ribs, wings and stuff like that, to break up the monotony of turkey, turkey, turkey!

The next day, I started to wonder if I was a jynx in terms of power outages. Although last year was an exception, the two years before that, the power has gone out for my parents while I was home at Christmas, and this year, even though there were no storms or icy conditions to speak of, the power went out on Boxing Day, right before we were supposed to eat.

Steve's stepdad's family were all there. The turkey was merrily cooking and we were getting ready to put the vegetables on, when bammo! Lights out! We first wondered if we blew a breaker, but oh no, a phone call from Steve's sister who was working told us this was no breaker. She said the whole town had lost power. Hmmm! That puts a new spin on dinner, doesn't it?

Luckily the turkey had finished cooking, so it was turkey on a bun with stuffing for all! It was kind of funny watching people try to navigate in the dark until we got the candles lit.

For the next while, we played games by the fireplace. Thankfully the power came back on five hours later, so we didn't have to use the fireplace for heat through the night.

The next day it was off to Steve's dad's for another Christmas dinner. The poor guy, I think Trix terrorized him for most of the day. I don't know why she was so fascinated with him, but she would not leave him alone! While we were there, I played with the old Apple with that silly Echo voice, and made a recording of it which I'll put up soon. It's not the best, but maybe it's ok. That was really weird to see that old computer. It felt odd just flicking the off switch when we were done with it. I kept thinking "Um, don't we have to shut it down?"

Then, we came back here and tried to find homes for all our new stuff. You should see our little patio table. It is seriously stacked high with chocolates and other junk food. I'm sure we look weird.

So that was Christmas. For a while, since I didn't go home to my own family, I had a hard time believing that it was in fact here, and gone, but it is. Now it's on to the new year.

What a year 2011 was. From the news front, holy upheaval batman! Lots and lots and lots of uprisings and protests and earthquakes and tornados and death and change and...a whole lot of stuff that I'm probably forgetting. I can hope that maybe it felt more overwhelming because I was hearing about it super fast on Twitter, but I really think it was a pretty intense year.

As for me personally, it definitely had its fair share of ups and downs, but it sure ended on a high note with my new job. I look back on last year's wrap-up, and how I wanted to figure out how to do more of this accessibility stuff, and yea, I got my wish! I think this year will be a year of expanding my brain. I have a whole lot to learn. Now I just need to figure out the most efficient way to do it.

Really, is that all I have to say this go round? I think so. Happy New Year, and I hope this year brings us all nothing but good and happy things.