Spring Ahead...Into My Thought Pool

Now that I've got my email fixed, it's ramblin' time!

I'm so happy that winter was not too bad to us, but I'm even happier that spring just might be on its way. It'll take me a long time to truly believe it's here since winter never really got going, but whatever this weather is, I'm enjoying it.

I've noticed lately that Trix has this new bizarre morning ritual. She comes out, heads for Steve, snorts, and spits all over him! She never does this to me, just poor Steve! And I swear she makes sure to maximize how much of him gets the snort shower. What the hell does that mean?

The other day Steve and I were watching Investigation Discovery, a channel all about looking into violent crimes, forensics, all that sort of stuff. There are lots of stories about dismembered corpses and such. There's this commercial for St. Ives lotion that plays all the damn time on there. Here's the commercial. What does it sing about? Body parts! That would be perfectly innocent, except for what most of the content of the channel is? Hands, shoulders knees and toes...some in the river, some in concrete. Thighs and heels...in a dumpster. Ankles and elbows...in a bag. You get the idea. If I ever bought that lotion, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about gory murders.

A long time ago, I talked about how when Trix was new, I would do stupid things like tell my friends to come and heel. Well, I did it again the other day, to the huppy! At least I had half an excuse that day. He was wearing one of those kid leashes and I was holding it. His mom had to go to the ER and didn't know how she'd manage the Huppy too. I said I'd help but he had to wear his little harness dealy. I had to hold onto it when they had a look at her, and I wanted him right beside me. Without thinking I said "heel!" Then I laughed out loud.

The other day, I had it brought home to me how we truly are spoiled by technology. Our internet broke down. That sounds like an odd sentence next to talking about being spoiled, but just wait. I had some things that really needed doing, so Steve and I decided screw waiting for the internet. We'd just go to a restaurant that has free Wifi and get things done. And so...off to the Baker Street Station we went, ate some yummy food, and I clickity typety sent my emails.

Seriously, how cool is that? Years ago, we would have been waiting for our internet. But the other day we just picked up the office and took it elsewhere. When we got our stuff done, we came back home, and hey, would ya look at that? Internet! We really are sitting in a chair in the sky.

I mentioned a while ago that I found myself a dentist. Thankfully I doubt she'll be a scary dentist. She's actually pretty cool. She loves dogs, and after we're done, I take Trix's harness off and let her pet the ol' boodog. By consequence, Trix loves the dentist's office. There's a small part of me that wonders if she enjoys taking me in there because they do things to me in there, not her, but she still gets lots of love. But oh man does she love going to the door. It makes people laugh who see it. I was also relieved that the high pitched noises of the equipment didn't bother her. She just lies still and is a perfect pooch.

And I think that's all I've got for this installment of Carin bores the bejeebers out of readers, then disappears. Get out and enjoy today, it's supposed to be awesome.

Open Wide...The Jail Doors

Aaa why did I see this now?

Remember Michael I use paper clips in my root canals Clair? Well, he's off to jail. It looks like he's only going to serve a year. What? Well, I hope people can plaster his ugly mug everywhere so you know to avoid him at all costs.

And yes, I'll be leaving for my appointment soon.

Hopefully This Song Doesn't Predict My Future

Well, the day has come. I have found a dentist, and I'm headed there. I kept putting it off, and I finally made myself go.

Partly because of our dentists tag, and partly because it's hard to find a dentist that will take my dental plan, I went strictly on recommendations. I was not going to find some random dentist. That was just too scary a prospect. Two of the dentists that were recommended weren't the easiest to go to, so I chose one of the easier ones. Now let's hope it was the right choice. The receptionist seemed a bit intimidating. One of the first sentences out of her mouth after saying they were taking patients was "Are you good at keeping appointments? If you don't show up for an appointment or don't cancel 24 hours in advance, we kick you out." Well, hello, and a warm welcome to you too. I also don't think she truly grasps the idea of blind. That should be fun and a half when she whips out the form and tells me to start writing.

And, I haven't been to a dentist with Trix yet. Yup, it's been that long. Shame, shame, shame! So I don't know how she'll respond either, or if anything stupid will happen. Baaaa.

So, because my brain is cruel as hell, it decided the greatest soundtrack for the day would be Psychostick - The Root Of All Evil


Really? Must you? It's been a long time and I'm not exactly leaping for joy to go. Why would you do that to me, brain? You're evil.

So, hopefully I don't have more to post about after my afternoon appointment.

The Service Here Bites

It's been a while since we've had a dentist story, so let's fix that, shall we?

Florida dentist Michael Hammonds, 57, is facing assault and battery charges after getting into a bit of a fight and screaming match with an 85-year-old woman over a denture procedure that wasn't going well.

According to cops, Michael Hammonds, 57, was attempting to adjust Virginia Graham’s “lower partial dentures” when the senior citizen “began screaming” due to pain caused by the ill-fitting false teeth.

“Graham removed the partials from her mouth and threw them at Hammonds, which he caught,” according to a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office report.

When Hammonds refused Graham’s demand for a $900 refund, she tried to snatch the dentures from the dentist’s hand, prompting a “brief tug-of-war.” At that point, “Graham then bent down and bit Hammonds hand forcing him to let go of the partial.”

Graham then got out of the operating chair and sought to leave Hammonds’s Deltona office. But the dentist “got in her face and began screaming at her, causing her to fear that he would potentially cause her harm,” investigators reported. Graham told deputies that Hammonds physically kept her from leaving his office. She “made one final attempt to leave by trying to climb over the receptionist desk and out the receptionists window,” but abandoned that bid in order to avoid injury.

Sheriff’s deputies observed “multiple bruising” on Graham’s upper arms and forearms, and her “left upper arm was bleeding due to her skin tearing when Hammonds grabbed her arm.”

So far, there haven't been any charges filed against Graham for biting him or throwing things, likely because well, she's 85. then again, age has never been something to stop the authorities in the past, and some of those old people are still pretty damn tough and in control of themselves. Hard call.

I think the reason our dentist friend took it on the chin so hard (felony assault, battery and false imprisonment) has a lot to do with the part where he didn't just let the crazy woman leave. Taking old folks hostage when it looks like you've beaten them up a little can't help but look bad even if you're completely in the right, which I have no idea whether or not he was. Either way, not smart.

Some People Call Me The Pain Pill Cowboy, Some Call Me The Dentist Of Love

We have another dentist, Dr. Steven S. Miller, in trouble with the law. If you wanted a prescription pain narcotic, if you were female, all you had to do was offer him sexual favours. Not really much else to this story, except for the shocked neighbours who couldn't believe he was capable of this. Well, there are a few witnesses who've helped get him on tape, so it looks like it's true.

Some Weird Ads For Ya

It's time once again for an episode of what the hell is up with these commercials? This one took us a while to put together, and it has less in it.

There's been this ad campaign pushing Ontario as the place to be. I think it started when we moved into this apartment, because I thought it was kind of weird that once I moved, the TV started singing "there's no place like this where I've been" as if it liked my new digs too. I had no idea what it was for until I googled it.

Anyway, in the old song, it used to sing "There's no other place like this for me," but in the newer versions, it seriously sounds like it's saying "There's no place like this for me." So let me get this straight. This person is singing this song about how glorious Ontario is...but they can't live here? Why not? Did they get kicked out?

Am I the only one who thinks that ads for FruitSimple make us sound like a pack of lazy slugs? "It's like drinking a serving of fruit through a straw!" And I should be thrilled about this? Why wouldn't I just eat my fruit? Can I no longer chew? Is my jaw wired shut after a horribly-disfiguring accident?

You know, last year, we wanted to murder the talking Super 8 sign. Well, this year, it has a new voice, and I can't decide if he's better or worse. At least last year's sign had personality, even if that personality was annoying. This one just sounds, um, kinda creepy, and kinda like he's reading as fast as he can. I hate the way he chuckles when he says "I got low rates." Is that the place to chuckle? And don't you think the guy working on his car sounds really, really, really dumb? Yup, sweet-cheeks loves his pie, and loves to say ummm. I wish I could find a link to some audio, but I can't.

During the news, there's always a spot where it says "brought to you by Arvanitis and Associates, dentistry by design." I know they're into cosmetic dentistry, but that slogan always makes our heads spin. What other dentistry is there, dentistry by accident? I would hope you're in dentistry by design, as opposed to "hmmm...what kind of sign shall I slap on my office door here?" But I guess, judging by the contents of our dentists tag, dentistry by accident is pretty common.

There's something about this Marineland Arctic Cove song that has always bothered the hell out of me. It starts off with "They come from a land of ice and snow," and I always sub in, "Now we threw them in a tank at Arctic cove." I don't know, mentioning Belugas' natural habitat just before talking about seeing them in a glorified aquarium has always kinda bugged me. Now, I have come up with a longer version of the Arctic Cove song.

"They come from a land of ice and snow,
now belugas have a tank at Arctic Cove.
Reach out, touch, give them a smile,
they haven't killed a trainer in a long while.
You never know when, they're gonna kill again,
so come on, kids, jump in!
Arctic Cove, Marineland."

Yes, we're evil. And yes, I know it wasn't at marineland where that trainer became a meal.

Every time we see the Oil of Olay Regenerist commercial that brags about how their product does better than the $700 cream, we say the same thing. What? There's a $700 cream out there, and people are buying it? What kind of fools can spend $700 on something to make their face look less wrinkly? Rich ones, I guess. But how do fools become rich?

Whenever we see this Febreeze Fabric-Refresher commercial, We have to wonder what is wrong with this woman, or what is wrong with the person who did the splice job, or maybe a little of both. Listen to how she says "It removes odours of...sports, teenagers, orcooking!" I took the space out on purpose because those words are all squished together. Who talks like that? And who can't live a week without Febreeze Fabric-Refresher? Seriously.

When we first talked about that Charmin Ambassador job, we thought the slogan "enjoy the go" was odd. It hasn't gotten any better now that the commercial has hit the TV. And since this is an ad for toilet paper, shouldn't it be "enjoy the cleanup? And incidentally, does this ad actually show a dog using TP? If not, who goes around inspecting people's butts? Ug. That's almost as bad as "enjoy the go."

And that does it for this round of ads. I said it would be smaller.

See Your Dentist Regularly, But See A Regular Dentist

If you found a dentist whose practice was set up in the basement of a house, would you let him do a root canal on you? This woman did, and look at where she is. That means it didn't go so well.

I don't know if the detail of the office being hidden behind the fridge happened before or after she tipped the cops off. If she had to go behind a fridge to go into this office, then she's really dumb. I wonder how many other people came to Amparo Rodriguez and Oscar F. Moran for dental care.

What is with dentists? And what is with people going to shady places for invasive procedures?

Dental Work And Paper Clips Do Not Mix

Ok so here's another dentist you should avoid if he ever is able to practice again. Michael Clair would do root canals and use paper clips instead of the stainless steel posts he's supposed to. Of course, he would bill for the posts anyway, and the patients would find out later what he really used.

Scary, scary stuff.

Clean Teeth, Dirty Mind

Ug. I'd hate to be female and have worked for Dr. Mahesh Patel, a dentist. What a total creep.

According to a Metro Police report, after a female employee at the Advanced Center for Dentistry, 770 Warm Springs Road, reported to work on Jan. 11, Patel, her employer, requested her assistance with a scheduled procedure and asked her to change into her scrubs, the woman told an investigating officer.

The woman said she went into a unisex bathroom and began to change her clothes. As she bent at the waist, she noticed an object in a tissue holder. Upon further examination, she saw the object had a switch labeled “record.” She told the officer she then realized the device was a video camera; she switched the power off, removed it from the tissue holder and kept it with her, according to the police report.

The woman then went to perform the procedure with Patel. She said she noticed that during the procedure, he was “acting funny.” After the procedure was completed, Patel confronted the woman and asked where the device was, the woman told police. The woman said she asked Patel if the device belonged to him, to which he replied affirmatively. He said the device must have fallen out of his pocket, police said.

The woman said she found the device in a tissue box and that it wasn’t on the floor. Patel then apologized and said he had hidden the device so he could spy on her, the report said. The woman refused to return the device and tried to leave the building, but Patel “blocked the doorway, and continued to beg for the device back,” the report stated.

The woman contacted her husband. She then went home, where she viewed what was on the memory card and saw images of herself undressing, according to the report. She went to a police station to report what had happened.

According to the arrest report, police obtained a search warrant and found video evidence of Patel setting up the recorder and placing it at an angle that showed the toilet area. They also obtained footage of the reporting employee and a second, unidentified woman in states of undress in the restroom.

Scary, scary fellow. I'd hate to have been one of his female patients too.

He Won't Be Smiling For A While

Here we go again. Another parent who leaves his kid in his car while he goes into a strip club. But this parent is a dentist, you know how much we like tracking weird dentists, and the kid was an eight-month-old baby! Omar Abdo may find out he's a divorced dentist, only seeing his baby on supervised visits, judging from his wife's reaction.

Last Time I checked, Breasts Weren't Part Of My Mouth

I was just saying to Steve that we hadn't seen a freaky dentist show up in a while, and I was worried we wouldn't find any more. Oh how I was wrong. I would have rather been right, but it was not to be.

Benva Oshana Lazar is quite the prize. He has molested at least 8 female patients, one of them a 14-year-old girl, under the guise of performing breast cancer exams. Not only did he molest them, but somehow, he got a hygienist to tell them that the dentist performing this type of exam was normal. How can that person, I'm pretty sure it's a woman but I don't know, live with themselves? If the hygienist said these things after April, when he was ordered to have a female present while examining female patients, then for sure how could she live with herself?

And after doing all of this, he's only going to get a possible maximum of 8 years. Eight...fucking....years? And he's probably going to get that credit for time served bullshit and then there's parole.

The judge also ordered that he do community service. Um...hasn't he already been servicing the community a little too much?What kind of community service would the judge have him doing? Hopefully it wouldn't involve youth. Maybe he can shovel dung at a farm somewhere. Oh wait, he might want to molest the animals there, and animals can't talk.

I love how they're saying that it's "entirely likely" that his license will be revoked. Entirely likely? You mean there's still a remote possibility that the dental board would let him practice again? That's disconcerting to say the least there, state prosecutor Kim Settles. The thought that he could eventually have patients back in the chair at some point unsettles me.

And I still need to find a dentist...

This Explains A Lot

Over the years, Carin and I have wondered repeatedly why it is that we can find so many messed up dentists to post about. It would take too long to link to all of them, but if you've got some time, punch dentist into the search box and watch what happens.

Anyway, I think I've finally figured it out. I think what's going on here is they're all getting drugs fromDr. Raymond Pacholec,a man safety conscious enough to have a security system that notifies the authorities when it senses trouble, but not smart enough to think that some day it might lead to the discovery of his marijuana grow op and dealing outfit.

Deal With The Tooth, the Whole tooth, And Nothing But The Tooth

I mentioned a dentist who liked to give chest massages, um, apparently in an attempt to illeviate a rare jaw disorder in my original pile of dentists from hell, but since that link is no longer working, I can't verify if this one, Mark Anderson, is the same guy. If he isn't, well we can add him to the pile. If he is the same guy, the case seems to have taken on some interesting developments.

First off, his lawyer claims that Anderson's brother is a physical therapist and had done chest massages to get rid of this jaw pain. But Anderson had received no training, so didn't know he should massage the sides of the chest to avoid being in court like this.

Yeah, uh-huh. Sure. I don't buy that for a second, especially since several women say he made comments about the condition of their breasts and whether or not they were augmented.

And I don't know about you, but would it be comforting at all to hear the guy's lawyer referring to him as dumb? I don't really want one of the sloer bunnies in the forest working on my teeth.

Speaking of bunnies, this guy definitely seems weird. After receiving an angry letter from a client saying he had sexually assaulted her, he sent her a card with a cartoon bunny on the front and wrote, "oops."

And what is it with people who keep going back to the person who molested them because they can't believe that they could have? I've heard it about women who go to psychotherapists, and now some of his accusers said they did too. I have a pretty good idea about where my boobs are, and I have a pretty good idea when hands are on them. Unless he gave them some strong drugs, which I guess he could have done but nobody says that, I'd know if I'd been touched by my dentist.

I hope the truth comes out, and I don't think the truth is that Anderson was just dumb but well-meaning. His lawyer's got a lot of balls to call all the 26 women either liars, crazies or slow-witted. I know defense lawyers do it all the time, but it angers me every time.

The Dental Disasters Continue

Here comes a real doozer for the scary dentists files. His name is Thomas Laney, and aside from his dental practice, he's been very busy. He's done some plastic surgery, which he didn't really train to do. Who goes to occasional classes on plastic surgery? Eek! anyway, the results didn't seem to have worked out so well. he's had 10 malpractice suits, I think in his dental practice and in whatever sideline medical practices he's decided to play around in, and he was deemed at least somewhat responsible for a guy's death. And all he got were fines, requirements to complete further training, more fines, more training. How about barring him from doing this again? Ug. Now there's a woman walking around saying he horribly disfigured her when he gave her a breast-reduction.

I still wonder what is up with dentists, and I get more scared.

The Only wisdom Was In The Tooth

Let's add Dr Tariq Mushtaq to the list of merciless dentists. After freezing the patient up for an emergency wisdom tooth-removal, he discovered he didn't have enough money for the whole procedure, and made him go get more. then he made him wait after getting it, so the freezing wore off before he was done. What a prize.

Ve Have Vays Of Making You Not Talk

Eek! Here's another one for the extremely creepy dentists files. This German dentist didn't get paid, so came and forcibly took back the installed dentures from the woman's mouth.

I still need to find a new dentist. I'm afraid, very very afraid.

Don't Open That Wide!

Oh boy, here comes Wesley Meyers into the ranks of the horrible dentists files. How in hell do you drop not 1, but 2 tools down the same patient's throat? How big was this poor old guy's throat? After it happened once, wouldn't you be way more careful? Why did the old guy still go back to him? After needing a colonoscopy to get a screwdriver out of my guts, I don't think I'd be a repeat customer.

Update On The Wielechowskis

Remember the Wielechowskis? Well, they're now trying to defend their actions. So, you say he never kicked you, those random people started slugging him for no good reason, and you were dragged into the elevator for no good reason? Yeah, uh-huh, sure. Something tells me the other version was closer to the truth.

Trouble In Paradise?

Ooo! this humdinger conclusion of a wedding night fits into a couple of categories. There's of course the predictable category of humdinger wedding night conclusions, but also the groom is a dentist!

This story has what the hell written all over it. Why did he Karate kick her? Why did she fight off people coming to her aid? Why heave live plants at elevators? And the one that makes me laugh the hardest, why was he arraigned wearing tuxedo pants, a bloody shirt, and one shoe? I mean, I know booze was involved, but by all accounts, she was more boozed up than he was. Why did he end up in rougher shape? I thought it was funny that one of the hapless victims who came to her aid got a tooth knocked out. maybe, as part of some kind of settlement, the groom can do some free dental work for the person. But would they want that?

No More Laughing Gas for You!

Here's another dentist to add to the creepy dentist pile. This one, Dr. Norman Rubin, likes to get high on laughing gas at lunch, and got a little too high, and was found passed out and drooling in a gas mask. Oh, and his license to practice dentistry got suspended six times in different states.