People For The Swift Return Of Bryan Danielson

I don't often get a chance to write about PETA and wrestling at the same time, so there's no way I'm passing this up.

I wrote quite a bit in mypostthis morning about the completely ridiculous firing of Bryan Danielson. Well, it appears that among his many supporters we can now count PETA, who have written aletter(PDF) to Vince McMahon asking WWE to hire him back not only because the people love him, but more importantly at least to them, because he's a vegan.

I've pasted the text below for those who can't access PDF files. Note the "hey look at us, we sure do know our wrestling" tone of this thing, which comes off extra lame when mixed in with the typical graphic references to the death of our food.

June 21, 2010
Vince McMahon
Chairman and CEO
World Wrestling Entertainment
___-___-____
Dear Mr. McMahon,
On behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the WWE fans among our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'm writing to toss our name into the ring as yet another proponent of the push to bring back Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson). I might not personally carry the same clout as other Bryan supporters like John Cena or Shawn Michaels (although I do consider myself "The Showstopper of PETA"), but I am, along with many of my colleagues, a huge Daniel Bryan fan, not only because he humiliated the Miz and Michael Cole a few weeks back on Raw but also because he's vegan.

Lots of athletes, including baseball slugger Prince Fielder, the NBA's Raja Bell, MMA fighters K.J. Noons and Mac Danzig, and Olympic Legend Carl Lewis, show that vegetarians often leave meat-eaters in the dust, gnawing on their greasy chicken wings as they wonder what hit them. But Bryan represents the quintessential vegan badass. He knows that unlike WWE superstars, animals beaten to a pulp by the meat industry don't want to be there. The worst Hell in a Cell match is nothing compared to what animals in slaughterhouses go through, such as having their throats cut and being scalded alive and dismembered, often while still conscious. Even Mick Foley couldn't withstand that kind of abuse. Just by being vegan, Bryan saves more than 100 animals a year, a feat far more impressive than any of Jack Swagger's "accomplishments." Savvy athletes go vegan for the health benefits, too, as they slash their risk of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.

So what do you say, Mr. McMahon? Bring back Bryan and let him prove that he belongs. And maybe there could even be a storyline romance between Bryan and the gorgeous vegan diva Tiffany! (Who, in your PETA fans' opinion, deserves another shot at Layla.)

Sincerely,
Dan Shannon
Director

This, it should be noted for history's sake, may be the closest I ever come to agreeing with PETA on anything, even though I have no doubt that what you've just read is a big arse load of disingenuous crap. There's no way any of these people give fuck number 1 about Bryan Danielson or WWE. As usual, PETA is jumping on something a lot of people seem to care about to further its own agenda. It's not nearly as offensive as some of the other things they've attached themselves too, but it's the same idea and I still hate them for it.

Big Vegan Jesus?

Wow. PETA will seize any opportunity to try and get their message out there. Now, they faxed a letter to the Solid Rock Church saying they'd rebuild thelightning-struck Jesus if they could just inscribe a message encouraging Veganism on the new statue. They wanted to put a lamb in Jesus's arms with the message "Jesus blesses the merciful. Go vegan." The church said no.

I'm sure PETA would have been tickled pink to have a 62-foot billboard with their message on it. I'm glad they didn't get the church behind them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm against animal welfare. I'm just anti-Peta. Just look at what they did when Tim McLean died. Do we really need them having a voice, much less a 62-foot voice?

Nutbars!

People For The Poor Naming Of Websites

PETA, source of endless material that it is, has done it again.

I have no idea how long it's been like this, butclick on over to the organization's blogand have a gander at what they named it.

I understand what they were going for, but did nobody bother to say PETA Files out loud a time or 2 before they voted?

PETW

Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women

Shoo, PETA, Don't Bother Me

Ug here we go with more PETA bullshit. I think even flies can smell it and would consider it fine food.

President Obama swatted a fly in an interview. PETA decided to seize upon this opportunity and bitch about it, sending him a humane bug catch and release fly trap.

This reminds me of something I saw when I was training to work at that women's shelter a few years ago. We were all talking, and a bug was being particularly annoying and kept resting on our heads. One of the women up and squished it. the leader of the group responded with "Oh I hope noone in here is a buddhist..." All I could think for the rest of the day was good lord we've gone mad.

I think I figured out why PETA wants to save the flies. They sympathize with them, since PETA can be just as annoying and stupid as those bugs.

Theme From The Bottom...Of The Barrel

Hot on the heels oftheir attempt to get the Pet Shop Boys to change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys,the good folks from PETA are making another forray into the music industry.

Today's target is Phish, who obviously need tochange their name to Sea Kittens, at least for a while.

My only question is how did they not come up with this sooner? Oh right, they were probably too busyexploiting dead people for personal gain.

"Dear Trey, Jon, Mike, and Page (aka Phish),

"I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters worldwide–many of whom are Phish fans, of course. We have a new campaign in which we generate empathy for fish by rebranding them as 'sea kittens.' Would you contribute to our efforts and end your tour on a high note by temporarily renaming Phish 'Sea Kittens?'

"We launched our 'Sea Kittens' campaign because few people are aware that fish are actually smart animals with personalities. For example, they communicate and develop relationships with one another, feel pain when injured (their lips are particularly sensitive, and they use them like we use our fingers), show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when other fish they like die.

"However, billions of them are kidnapped (er, kitten-napped) from their watery homes each year. As they are dragged from the ocean depths, fish endure an excruciating decompression process (which often causes their internal organs to rupture) before suffocating on the ship's deck.

"Our campaign aims to convince people to choose tasty vegetarian meals instead of fish flesh and to pick harmless outdoor activities such as hiking instead of impaling fish with metal hooks for fun. Whether they are catfish or cats, bass or basset hounds, all animals deserve lives free from needless pain.

"Phish has a long history of promoting social justice. Renaming the band Sea Kittens would be a great way to help sea kittens rock on, free from fishing nets and hooks, even if just for a day. Please let me know what you decide, and best of luck with your future endeavors.

"Sincerely,
"Michelle Cho
"Special Projects Manager"

I Feel Like I Am One With Chicken Tonight, Chicken Tonight

PETA: "Listen, Mr. Governor of Louisiana guy, there's no need to spend $20 million to help start up a new chicken processing plant in the state. That money could be better spent on a"Chicken Empathy Museum".

Mr. Governor Of Louisiana Guy: "Um...how bout no?"

Steve: "Looks like I've found me something to post this afternoon."

Just what is a Chicken Empathy Museum you wonder. Well, according to a PETA spokescrazy, it would feature, among things, a "chicken cage-like playscape for the children that would show how cramped conditions are for the chickens."

Sounds swell!

And when your brats have had all the fun they can handle there, they can always move on to the restaurant to enjoy some fake meat.

"We did plan to serve faux chickens, vegetarian chickens made from healthy plant protein in the museum restaurant, along with an array of other tasty vegetarian food."

I believe it is at this point that all of the wackiness about empathy museums starts obscuring the real story, that being that somebody has invented tasty vegetarian food. Seriously, how can anybody of sound mind stomach that crap? Hell, some people argue that I am not of sound mind, and I sure as shit can't do it.

But wait, there's more!

"It would have an educational display highlighting facts about chickens," Ashley said. "They're intelligent animals with mental capabilities that are comparable to cats, dogs and even primates. In nature, mother hens cluck to their
unborn chicks who chirp back from their shells."

Is it even worth mentioning that out in reality, a place to which PETA members have taken not a single journey, people eat dogs, cats, and even primates?

And when your day is complete, there's no need to visit the gift shop, because you get a free souvenir.

"As a gift from PETA, part of our proposal was that each visitor 12 years old and younger would have a plush chicken toy with a tag reading, 'I am not a nugget,' " Ashley said.

This, without question, is the most accurate PETA statement I have ever read, since nuggets generally aren't made out of felt and foam. Then again, having eaten at McDonalds...never mind. These people are still completely full of shite. Oh well, I tried.

As fun as these nutcakes are to write about, it would be awesome if they would all, as a service to society, voluntarily go and sleep withthe sea kittens.

What Have They, What Have They, What Have They Done To Deserve This?

Not a whole lot needing to be said about this one, it's dumb enough without me making jokes about it. Whenever PETA is involved, any smartass thing I could come up with couldn't match the senslessness of the story itself.

This time, the target of their dumbassarry is the Pet Shop Boys, a group that should, according to PETA, change its name toThe Rescue Shelter Boysin order to draw attention to the poor conditions that animals are kept in before being sold to pet stores. A fair enough aim I suppose, but hard to take seriously whenheartless,brainlesspricks like PETA are behind it.

It's Ok To Eat Sea Kittens? 'Cause They Don't Have Any Feelings

Here'sthe latest from PETA.

They're trying to convince people that fish are no longer fish, but rather...sea kittens.

I'm not even going to bother making fun of them, because honestly it would just be piling on at this point. Instead I'm simply going to present this as is and let them do it themselves.

"Nobody would hurt a sea kitten!" the group says on its website.

"People don't seem to like fish.

"We're going to start by retiring the old name for good.

"When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover."

The website features images of fish with cats' whiskers and ears.

PETA is using the campaign to entice people to sign a petition calling on the US Fish and Wildlife Service to stop promoting "the hunting of sea kittens (otherwise known as fishing)".

Ok, maybe I will make a little fun of them.

That's just...seatarded.

Rest In Peace, Shamu

Get ready for the latest and greatest from the fucksticks at PETA.

I was not aware of this until right now, but apparently all of the SeaWorld parks could be up for sale because ofthe sale of Anheuser-Busch to InBev.And if there's going to be a sale, guess who says they've found a backer to help them buy at least one? That's right,PETA.And if they get their wish, the first thing they'll do is release all of the attractions into the wild, presumably because everyone there is retarded and knows nothing about animals or nature. I guess I took it for granted that everybody over the age of 12 knew that if you take something that was born in captivity and throw it out into the world that it will quickly be killed or slowly die because it doesn't have all of the necessary skills it needs to fend for itself. How silly of me. Then again, I should expect nothing less from these imbeciles. Actually scratch that. I should expect *even* less from them, and sadly I'll probably get it sooner or later. Seriously guys, go eat a few burgers or something. Anything it takes to save whatever might be left of your brains.

Goodbye, Chicken!

Here's an event I'm glad I never saw when I was in Quebec. In the town of Thetford mines, there has been an event for the past few labour days where the organizers draw lines on the ground, chop a chicken's head off, and people make bets on where the body's final resting place will be. Ok, why don't we start bear-baiting while we're at it? Of course, PETA is protesting.

Now, if they're going to protest something, at least I understand this one just because it seems pretty evil to enjoy an animal's last moments. But the guy who started this whole thing makes a good point. If you eat meat, it doesn't appear out of the blue. The animal has to be killed by someone.

Just one thing, PETA, While you're protesting, for the love of Pete, please don't compare the chicken to Tim McLean, would ya?

More PETA Fury!

So Steve beat me to it... I was digging up some info to attach to this post when Steve got his posted first... but I figured I'd still weigh in.

This is one of the most disgusting things I've ever come across. This is nothing more than an attempt to get their message out... no matter who they have to step over to do it.

It's all very simple. Attempt to take out a very cheap ad in the local newspaper where this tragedy happens. Then, even if it's refused (which it was), inform the rest of the media about it and let them run with it to drive up hits to your website and get people talking. It's disgusting.

PETA does not defend animals - they exploit people. That's really a company people should look up to.

I'll be honest with you. I've never ever agreed with PETA but I've never had any real "beef" with them. (get it?) but this genuinely makes me angry.

Imagine it's your son that's just been hacked open in a gruesome murder and LESS THAN A WEEK later your son's life is compared to that of a chicken! A fucking chicken! Don't think that's over-stating it . That is exactly what this is. Comparing a human life to that of a barn animal.

The worst part is that PETA admits that the message would be offensive to some people. If, for some ungodly reason, you felt like this was a necessary point to make, and you knew it was going to offend people, did you REALLY need to make that point less than a week after this? and right in the very city that the event happened? Fuck you!

Now PETA is talking about trying to get the ad posted in the Winnipeg Sun and Winnipeg Free Press. I hope they get told where to shove it in those papers, as well.

Speaking of that - if I ever get the chance I would love the opportunity to shake the hand of the Editor of the Portage Le Prarie paper that rejected this ad saying it was in poor taste. You're taught in business not to turn away a paying customer... but sometimes it's appropriate to tell a customer willing to pay for ad space to go straight to hell.

Fuck You, PETA

Pricks Exploiting Tragedies Again

This makes me so fucking angry I'm having trouble finding words, but I'll do my best.

I'm sure that by now everybody knows the story of Tim McLean. if you don't, he's the guy who was killed in the horrible Greyhound murder last week. I'm also sure that everybody reading this understands what a senseless and tragic event the attack was. Well, almost everybody, and that's the problem.

the folks who don't seem to get it belong to PETA, which should come as a shock to exactly0 of you. It shouldn't shock me either since they have a history of doing this kind of shit, but there's something about this
latest stunt
that's particularly disgusting.

The group has created an advertisement comparing the actions of Vince Weiguang Li and the horrible fate of Tim McLean to violence against animals.

"PETA's ad…is meant to spur people to think about the terror and pain experienced by animals who are raised and killed for food," says a statement on the groups website. "The group aims to demonstrate that animals — just like humans — are made of flesh, blood, and bone and deserve protection from needless killing."

I'd tell you who doesn't deserve protection from non-needless killing, but I'm sure you already know.

Listen up you fuckers, and listen good. There's a big difference between Tim McLean and the cow that's bound for my grill tonight. Tim McLean wasn't grown for food. He may have become food in the end, but that was nobody's intent aside from one maniac. Like it or not, most of us eat animals. We like them, they taste good. Serving them up is one of those luxuries that comes with being at the top of the food chain. Get used to it. I'm not trying to say that bad things don't happen to some of those animals and that there aren't some issues that need serious examination, but comparing the 2 situations isn't going to help the cause along. Sure you're getting people talking, but the majority of them are going to be people like me, people who can see your thought provoking marketing for the disingenuous bullshit it really is. So do me a favour. Go back to
killing most of the animals you're supposed to be rescuing
and leave the social commentary to the rest of us.