iNever Fired That Thing

Just in case someone out there is desperately searching for a last-minute Christmas gift, and office war implements would totally be the perfect gift, there are newer, crazier USB rocket launchers out there. This one, you can control from afar, using your iThing.

Can you imagine? You're not even at your desk, but your desk mate receives an assault of nerf rockets. He has no idea where they came from, but you so totally do. You're down the hall, setting up your attack with your iPad, and your rocket launcher at your desk dutifully comes through.

Gees, I hope nobody near my desk gets that idea. That would scare the bejeebers out of me.

A USB Stick, In More Ways Than One

It's been a while since we've been able to write about any sort of strange USB contraption. But today's the day, and ladies, this one's for you.

A team of designers from San Francisco has developed a USB stick that doubles as a vibrator. Or maybe it's a vibrator that doubles as a USB stick. I'm not entirely sure. But it apparently functions as both of those things,and as of sometime in October, you'll be able to get one.

Made of body-safe silicone and metal, the Duet is designed for the female body. With dual motors, it can deliver powerful and precise vibration exactly where you want it. The tip, inside edges, and outside edges provide slightly different intensities so that you can customize your pleasure!

Compact & Discreet
The Duet’s compact size, discreet shape, and included leather pouch make it ideal for mobility. Tuck it in with your makeup bag, and you’re good for pleasure on-the-go. 

Virtually Silent
The women we interviewed all agreed: noisy is not okay. The Duet’s dual motors manage to be virtually silent without skimping on power, which helps you keep your private time private. 

Personalized Control
The Duet contains 4 vibration modes and 5 power levels so that you can customize the experience with the perfect intensity.
Truly Waterproof
When we say that this toy is completely waterproof, we mean it. Not only is it fully submersible in a bathtub, the Duet is waterproof to more than 3 meters.

No Batteries, No Cords, No Hassle
The Duet’s USB connector plugs right into your computer to recharge. If you choose the 8GB model, it can also serve as the world’s sexiest flash drive. What kind of data will you store on your vibrator? 

Features

- Phthalate-free & body-safe silicone
- USB rechargeable
- Completely waterproof
- Virtually silent
- 4 vibration modes & 5 power levels
- Up to 4 hours of continuous use
- Genuine leather pouch included
- 4.55” x 1.08” x 0.48” (11.6 x 2.7 x 1.23 cm)

I'm not ashamed to admit that the immature part of me (translation: Pretty much all of me) got a kick out of this snip from a story about the project and its funding.

"The initial drive behind making it a USB device was the ease of charging and ease of travel, but it became clearly fairly early on that we could add storage to it," Crave's Michael Topolovac told news.com.au.

"A very common response was: 'Wow, this is cool, I can store my content on this!'"

Content...that's one word for what's going to wind up being on it, sure.

If anybody buys one, I'd love to hear your thoughts. My main curiosities are how well does it work, and how many weird comments do you get per day about the memory stick you seem to be quite fond of?

This Ain't Your Grandpa's Computer...Actually Yes, It Sort Of Is

Jack Zylkin has designed what he's calling aUSB typewriterbecause...because...ahh hell, I'll let him explain it.

The USBTypewriter™ is a new and groundbreaking innovation in the field of obsolescence.  Lovers of the look, feel, and quality of old fashioned manual typewriters can now use them as keyboards for any USB-capable computer, such as a PC, Mac, or even iPad!  The modification is easy to install, it involves no messy wiring, and does not change the outward appearance of the typewriter (except for the usb adapter itself, which is mounted in the rear of the machine). So the end result is a retro-style USB keyboard that not only looks great, but feels great to use.

Hereis a short video of it in action, and if you've watched that and decided that you'd like your own, old Jack will be happy to sell you one for a cool $150. However if you're both cheap and mechanically inclined, you can get everything you need to build your own for just $75. Have fun.

USBeans

This is a scary sign of the times. Because we're sooo busy that we can't make it out for lunch, Heinz has invented the beanzawave. What is it? A tiny microwave oven that you can hook up to a USB port on a laptop that uses radio frequencies to cook your food...so you never have to leave your desk again.

I've got another cool invention. It's called a break. Using the break, you can get away from your desk, get some exercise, refresh your mind, and when you return to your desk, you'll be far more productive.

As an aside, I love the other uses they think this thing would have. They say you could bring it on a plane with you and just hook it up to your laptop. Uh, yeah, because security will be so totaly ok with you bringing a small microwave oven on a plane with you.

Um, eek. I don't have any more words.

USBang

Is it really a good idea to stick your wang into something connected to your computer via USB? But that's exactly what the creators of RealTouch want people to do. A guy is supposed to hook it to a computer, and then put "a body part of a man's choosing" into the other end, log on to a server, and watch a movie for a dollar a minute. As the images appear on the screen, the RealTouch receives signals to vibrate, heat up, do things to make the guy feel like he's actually in the scene.

Let's just hope it never malfunctions, or gets, well, overcome by the guy's response to the scenes.

Thumbs Up!

Here's one more quick post before I pack as fast as I can so I can get some sleep.

Want to play a cool halloween trick? Just buy one of these, stick it in your computer, and watch your friends gasp. They'll never want a thumb drive again.

Doctor Penfield, I Smell Burnt Toast! And Computer Parts! And Curtains! And...

We've written about a lot of ridiculous gadgets here over the years, but I'm not sure if I've seen anything with quite as much disaster causing potential as this5.25 Inch Bay Toaster.I think thecented oil burnermight come close, but there seems to be more room for property loss here.

I'm Looking Simply USBeautiful Today

The combination USB card reader and compact mirror,
another one of those things I'm not sure how the world has done with out for so long.

Will You...SB Marry Me?

Um...uh...ur...
USB wedding rings?
Yeah...sure...ok then.

Does IM Stand For Instant Missile-Launcher?

Oh boy. People have way too much time on their hands. There's another update to the USB missile launcher! You can now use MSN Messenger to target a contact, of course he has to bee in the same building, and you can use the webcam to observe the results. There are either a lot of easily-amused folk, or folk who are bored out of their skulls at work, or both, out there. This whole USB missile thing is flourishing way too much.

Carma Chameleon?

I've seen a lot of dumb USB gadgets, but this one is beyond stupid. A USB Chameleon that, uh, doesn't change colour. It just sorta rolls its eyes and pokes out its tongue. At that point, why bother? Do we seriously have that many available USB ports that we can buy pointless things like that?

Nobody's Safe Anymore

If it isn't already, the world should soon find itself on high alert, because the
USB missile launcher
has
gone wireless!

Like the wired version, the new launcher is controlled by a little targetting app running on a Windows PC. This time round, what's plugged into said system is a dish-like wireless transmitter that can talk to a similar unit wired up to the launcher itself.

Supplier Brando claims dish-to-dish communications can take place at distances of up to 15ft, which the launcher can propel its payload of three foam missiles a further 20ft. Right down the corridor and into the Accounts department, in other words.

USBlasphemy

this list of potentially offensive Christmas gifts is just funny. Christ on a motorbike? A toaster that stamps your bread with the Virgin Mary? A nativity scene including the Israeli security fense, complete with the wise men on the wrong side? Teddie-bear urns? But this is the reason it grabbed my attention. They have a virgin Mary memory stick so Mary can hold onto your computer files. Yee ha, more USB goodness. Have a look around and a good chuckle.

And Now, Back To Your Regularly Scheduled USB Absurdity

Did you really think that there would be two useful USB products in a row? Not a friggin chance!

Now, if the USB scented oil burner isn't enough risk for you, its makers have created a USB greenhouse!

It comes with some seeds, some soil, a grow light, and a program that will tell you how your plants are doing, or remind you to water them. Yeah, because watering something near your computer is a smart, smart idea. I have this sneaking suspicion that Brando, the company making these things, is trying to thin the herd.

If you really don't have faith in your ability to keep a plant, I think a safer option would be the Botanicalls service.

What Do You Think Of This Little Sucker?

Wow, a USB gadget that's halfway useful. Now you can suck up your crumby post-lunch mess with a little wee USB vacuum. They say it really works. Well, if it does, I think that's the first maybe sorta kinda useful USB gadget so far.

A Crappy Invention

Wow. Here's a new one. I just got emailed a link to the weirdest USB thingamabob I've ever heard of. And, you can't just buy this little gizmo, you have to build it yourself! So what are you building? That would be, drum-roll please, a USB tird!

Tird? Yup, tird. Apparently if you connect enough lights and cables and wires and resisters with the right voltage to a fake tird, which is never really clearly defined, you can have yourself a nice glowing USB tird. Why you would want that, I don't know. But there it is.

There's A Market For More Than One Of These Things?

Rememberr that goofy
USB cented oil burner?
Don't ask me how or why, but I guess the idea must have taken off, because
another company is now competing with the original.

Ready, Aim, Fire Hazard

Finally, there's a good use for the
USB stress panic button
that you bought a couple of months ago. You can use it to calm your nerves or maybe even signal for help when you set fire to your home or office with your brand new
USB cented oil burner!

Seriously, does nobody bother to think anymore?

Talk About Technical Support

Um...er...what is this? Well, I'm quite aware of what it is, it's a keyboard. It's a functioning keyboard. It's also a bra. Ok then. My only question is why would you want that? Actually, I have another question. If you did in fact want that, why would you want it in USB?

Have a Holly USB Christmas

Wow, USB gadgets are making a further descent into tackyville. You can now get a His 'n' Hers USB gift set.

Wanna know what's in the men's set? A mini vacuum cleaner with brush, why in hell you would wire a vacuum up to a computer I don't know, a desk lamp, a cup warmer and a mood light pen holder whatever that is.

Now, for absolutely tacktastic, the women's set has the vacuum and pen holder, but they get a fan and lighted mirror and it comes in, how did the author put it? "A feminine-apparently-shade of plastic pink?" Ooo! Sounds like a must have, doesn't it? Not.

Ug, the inventor of the first USB gadget created a monster.