Flaming Stupid

Uh, do you really think that you can protect yourself from the wildfires of California by...hanging out in your hottub? Well, you can't, as two people from Big Tujunga Canyon found out when they tried this. They're now critically burned and in hospital.

Why is it that I keep seeing this scene from the simpsons in my head? My skin! the hottub does nothing!... Oh I am so evil.

Blinded By Vision

I just got off the phone with someone, and the whole conversation brought a question to the forefront that flits through my mind from time to time. Why are some blinks, and a lot of folks who have any level of vision trouble, so preoccupied with their level of vision? Either they want to make everyone feel like they have the least vision, or they want to use whatever vision they have as some kind of bargaining chip to gain superiority over people who don't have as much vision.

Let me explain. I volunteer up at a place that is at a corner that just happens to be under major construction. the person I help out is also blind. So, I phoned the place and asked them exactly how bad the construction was. the girl was pretty good at first. she told me if I accessed the place through another door, I would avoid the mess entirely, and if I came up the way I described, I'd be fine. She then said "I have low vision too, so I know how careful you have to be." Great. Awesome. Someone understands. She then said "I don't know how much vision you have." I told her I'm about as blind as they come, which was swiftly followed up by "Well I'm about as blind as they come without being declared legally blind." Hold the damn phone. We're not even in the same ballpark. I look at legally blind folks and go "Damn, you seem to have a lot of vision for being declared legally blind." I mean, some of them can see people from feet away, read signs, even see the traffic lights! But I know there are degrees and while they can do all that, they can't read print unless it's smushed into their face or blown up huge, or they can't see out of the sides of their eyes or when it's night, all that stuff. I get it. but what I'm saying is if she's not even declared legally blind, she can even see more than that. Why have a contest with me over who's blinder? And why does it matter? She may be able to see more than me, but maybe she couldn't identify her coat in the dark.

And then there are the people who really can't see much at all, but want to insist that they can. I was out with a bunch of folks and we got lost, and the one girl insisted that because she had the most vision, she could get us out of it. We tried to tell her what directions we rememberd going, hoping we could all sort of team up and figure it out, but she wouldnt' listen. she was going to read the street signs. We crossed back and forth hoping she could see this sign, then that sign. She couldn't see any signs and we were all severely disoriented. If we'd just stayed where we were and gotten some directions or help, we would have been home faster. but oh no, the one with the vision had to jump in and save the day with what she didn't have after all. that same night, other people insisted that since they had some vision, they would read the receipts for all the blind folks. The only problem was they couldn't actually see the print on the receipts and were trying to guess at what they said. Hmm. How about we be more efficient and get the waitress to read them? It's worked before.

I just don't get why it seems to be human nature to define ourselves by our vision. Is it such an important sense that it actually contributes to our perception of our value as people?

I admit that I was guilty of this somewhat as a kid. I would see other blind folks doing stuff well and think "Well, he can see more than I can." or "Well, she went blind later on, so that's why she's so good." Then I met a whole bunch of people who took that theory and stomped it to earth. I realized that it has more to do with a person's attitudes and willingness to do stuff than what they can, or could, see on an eye chart. I just wish more people would realize this. Then maybe people would stop saying "Oh she can't do that because she can't see."

If We Arrest The Drunk Naked Guy, The Terrorists Win!

Here's another drunk guy who walked into the wrong house. Poor Teddy Brisseaux won't be able to say that he just dreamed this one.

Police were dispatched to a Bruce Avenue house shortly before 4:30 a.m. Sunday after being told about a house break-in at a home a block from the defendant's home.

When officers arrived, the home's residents were screaming for help from the second-floor windows.

As officers climbed the stairs to the second floor they spotted a pair of jeans, undershorts, a t-shirt and a set of keys along the route. The clothes smelled of alcohol and urine, police said.

Upstairs, police said, Brisseaux was sleeping naked in a child's bed.

The parents were asleep in their bedroom when their 6-year-old son ran into their room, woke them up and told them a man was sleeping in his bed. The boy said he was watching television in his room when the nude Brisseaux entered, lay down on the boy's bed and went to sleep.

But Brisseaux insists that his arrest was an incident of racial profiling. Um sure.

What's with all these drunks coming home to the wrong house? I mean, we're blind, and we've come home hammered a time or two, and neither of us have ever opened the wrong door, or tried to unlock the wrong house.

Painting A Picture Of Stupidity

Here's a tip. spray-paint is toxic, especially if you slather your face with it as a disguise while committing a robbery. I would tell you to ask Thomas James about the dangers of spray-paint as a disguise, but he's kind of dead.

I also thought it was funny that this robbery occurred on Sparkleberry Lane. I'm sure his face was quite sparkly.

How Did He Fail thee? Let Us Count TheWays.

I think I agree with chuck Shepherd of News of the Weird's assessment that Hell's totally waiting for Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez. Uh-huh, and I think there's also a place for him if there ever is a fail hall of fame. Should we create it in honour of William Topaz McGonagall? Anyway, I digress. Let us place his fails in a great big list of infinite...failure?

• He raped under-age girls, which makes him a failure at dating, and also at life.
• One of these rapes caused the girl to get pregnant, so he's a failure at safety.
• So, he decided the only thing he could do was pay for her abortion, but he didn't have the money for it...so he's a failure at budgeting.
• So how would he pay for this abortion? Why, by stealing paintings from churches of course. this makes him a failure at...oh maybe not. Lots of people steal from churches. I'd say he was a failure at following the ten commandments, but there are a lot of those, even within the church's ranks. Hell, they have courses designed to prevent just such a thing.
• Not only did he steal paintings from churches, but he brought some smaller accomplices with him, AKA his teenaged children. How did he acquire these if he was such a dating fail? Are these other abortions he couldn't pay for? anyway,this makes him a failure at parenting.
• He did manage to snatch the paintings, so I guess he didn't fail at robbing the churches. But when he tried to sell them, he only got a tenth of what he asked for, which was a third of the value of the paintings, which makes him a failure at salesmanship and perhaps appraisal.
• When he finally got the girl to Mexico for the abortion, how he did this I don't know, the doctor said the pregnancy was too far along and he could not safely perform the abortion. So now he is a failure at timing, and perhaps bribery.
• When he could not make this problem go away, he told the girl to tell her mom the dad was a boy from school, and said if she revealed who did it, he would kill her and her family...but as soon as the baby was born and he was gone to Mexico again, she told the whole story, making him a failure at intimidation.
• Now that the story came out, things really started to unravel for this fellow. While investigating the case, they spoke to his kidlet accomplices who promptly ratted him out in great detail, even revealing thefts of other paintings which the police hadn't discovered yet. What exactly does that make him a failure at? (My red pen is tweaking. I know I ended a sentence with "at". Forgive me.) I'm not sure, but it makes him fail at something. Perhaps his whole plan just...failed.
• Finally, he *returned* from Mexico, he was out of the country and chose to come back, and he was promptly caught. This brings our story to a close, and makes him a failure at running.

It also makes him a sick freak.

Hope It's Not A Good Luck Charm

Man Hospitalized After Drilling through Live Round to Make Keychain Charm

Bla bla bla, another person drilling through, or hammering on, live ammo. but there was one line that spoke to me and said he needed a place up here.

The man did not immediately seek treatment, but consulted with his neighbor and eventually went to St. Francis Hospital a couple hours later. He is not expected to lose his hand, Hodges said.

So let me get this straight. He had a pretty bad hand wound, where it was possible that he would need a new appendage, but he didn't go to the ER post haste. No. He went and talked to good old neighbourBob to see what he thought.

By chance, sir, were you stuck in an elevator a few days ago?

A Quick Anatomy Lesson

Here's a helpful tip for anyone who has the uncontrollable urge to stuff a pen up their urethra. If you get it in too far, it will not come out your ass. It's too late for the 57-year-old man who thought his urethra was connected to his butt, but he did manage to become a case-study with an amusing title for something that ended up in a scientific journal. Miraculously, he didn't cause major damage, well, except to his pride perhaps.

Neely's Body Was Pulled From The Trash Bin. However, Proper English Was Burned Beyond Recognition.

We've ragged on the Guelph Mercury before, but after reading this story, I think the folks at the Merc are doing a stellar job. Simpson killed Simpson? No, Simpson killd Neely! He was paritally dismembered? You mean partially? My good lord above, look at all the typos. At least use a spell-checker, for the love of Pete! Until then, nobody who receives this newspaper should use it as an example of good writing, because it's not.

I can only hope the main reason the typing sucked so hard was because everyone was so disturbed by this particular story that they couldn't bear to look it over for quality, and everything else is much better. But I don't really have the will to go combing through their other stuff to find out.

Gees, people! this is what we get in terms of quality of news coverage now? I'm frightened.

Brain Crash Cab

Remember back when I said Cash Cab's contestants are smarter than Chain Reaction's contestants? Well, I think I may have to take that back. I saw two dumb herds of people on cash cab that I think might fit right in on Chain Reaction. I wish I could find videos of these dorks. To make things even worse, these groups were on two different episodes.

One troop of them got a question similar to "What annual race goes from Anchorage to Nome, Alaska, and involves 16 dogs and a musher?" They didn't have the foggiest. When they called their friend, they said she said the "itarod." Even then, they didn't clue in that it was the Iditarod. Adam tried to save them, but oh no, it was the "itarod." Those dorks couldn't even manage to get more than 1 $25 question right, and they eventually got the boot from the cab.

Our next couple spent more time giggling and going "Oh my god, that's Adam!" than answering questions. they needed a street shoutout to find out what was the common name for the Canadian fleet of military planes that due aerobatics at air shows. The question was something like that. the answer was the goddamn Snobirds, but they hadn't the foggiest. These lucky dumbasses did manage to make it to their destination, but even after doing the double or nothing question, they only managed to earn $150. $150? Are you serious? Uh-huh, I am.

So, I guess not all Cash Cab packs are created equal, and there are some really, really, really really dumb folks who get in the Cash Cab. But why did I have to see two groups of 'em in one night?

Some Thought Dribbles

Here are a few things I've been thinking about. I thought about putting some of them in my last monster thoughts post, but it was starting to take on a life of its own, so I figured I'd best save them for another time.

My friend told me a story about something they saw while out at Wal-Mart. My friend saw someone, I can't remember if it was a dude or a chick, come into Wal-mart with a yapping small dog in a crate. when the greeter said the dog couldn't come into the store, the person claimed it was a service dog, and then shoved past the greeter, running over his feet with their cart!

Ok, first of all, what's a dog going to do for you if it's in a box? Never mind that it's acting like a tool, how is it going to perform a service while in a crate?

And second, none of us have the right to shove past people and just barge into the store, running over the greeter. In days gone by, when things were still being fought for, people had to do that a lot more, but that was a different time. Even then, I doubt anyone would physically bowl folks over. If the person had a real service dog, they would have either called the police themselves or asked to speak to a manager or something. Crunching the greeter's feet with the cart just isn't acceptable. But this does make me ask a question. What if the greeter calls the police on person with yappy dog in the box, and because police have been educated that service animals are granted access, the police tell the greeter they can't be the judge of whether or not a dog is a legitimate service animal, so they have to let the dog in? Would that happen? Or would the police be able to ask questions like "why is the service animal in a box?"

I don't know why each case like this bugs me so much. Hopefully all this crap can get straightened out and, when the dust settles, there will be very few legitimate service dogs who get denied access when they shouldn't.

Remember when I was talking about my troubles with Meetup? Well, I think there might be some progress. they said I should talk to the manufacturers of my screen-reader, so I did. I then spoke to Meetup to ask if there was a way for them to give my screen-reader developers a dummy account so they could see the page that was giving me so much trouble. After much back and forth, to the point that I had to get snippy and ask that they please read my messages before responding, I think we're getting somewhere. They agreed to give a coupon to the good folks at Freedom Scientific. Now all I have to do is get the folks at Freedom Scientific to follow through. We will see.

This brings me to a small tech support pet peeve I have. Lately, when you open a tech support issue with any company, you are given a ticket number, and "in order to expedite things," you are supposed to use this ticket number when sending any emails to do with said issue. So, why is it that when I do use the ticket number, half the time, I get responses that look like the support person hasn't read the whole history of the issue? isn't the reason for the ticket number so that the tech support folks can quickly track the history of an issue? If they're not going to track the history, why bother having these ticket numbers? Then tech support folks wonder why they get messages that say "Please read my message fully before responding." I know I sound like a bitch, but if we're supposed to be improving efficiency, let's improve it. I usually don't get mad until I've gone back and forth on an issue a few times. Then I wonder why I'm keeping this number at all, and I get a little mad. If there was no reference number, I would be more understanding. But there is a system in place. People, use it!

I complain a lot about people, but I'd like to thank a lady who I ran into the other day. It was that hot day when I saw those dogs in that hot car. Stupidly at the last stop, I hadn't gotten some water for Trixie. I had her dish, but I just hadn't asked for water. Suddenly, Trixie was asking for water. This side of the street was pretty residential. I could have crossed back over, but that parking lot was insane, so I didn't relish doing that. So, I got under a tree and waited for someone to pass so I could ask them if there was a little store nearby that I could nip into and get Trix some water. Soon enough, a lady came by on a bike. I asked her, and the news wasn't good. But she said she only lived five houses away, so she'd just run home and get some water. For that, I was eternally grateful.

It's funny. Whenever I do any of these little jobs testing a website, noone can understand what I do. It's like they ask me what I do and then get confused or tune out half-way through. It was especially bad the last time. People would sort of get that I made sure a website worked well with JAWS, but when they asked me what that website was, they were super confused. I would tell them it was more than just a website, it was the system used by lots of schools to handle their online course stuff. So the schools would make the courses, this company's system would make the courses' online stuff run. And then I'd get a blank look. I should just say I do computers or I do internet things. I think that might work.

I think that's about it for now. Hmmm. that came to a quick end.

Kidnapped?

What's with the rash of fake kidnappings lately? The first one we noticed was years ago when this woman faked her son's kidnapping to get money from her hubby. But lately, I've been seeing a lot of them.

I went back to see if there were more I'd forgotten about, and there were. There was the case of a real-looking kidnapping actually being some kind of setup for some internet video contest. Years later, we had a fake kidnapping staged on video for the people's own amusement. What's so amusing about a kidnapping?

Next is the story of a woman who faked being kidnapped to cover up her affair. That didn't work so well.

Even more recent is the case of a man making it look like he was kidnapped so his mom would send him money. Yeah, $250 sounds like a normal ransome.

Later still, we have that chick from New Brunswick who said she'd been forced to drive a man to Toronto. why did she go to such detail if it never happened? Hell, why did she do it?

And, in the last week, I saw the story of a guy who faked his own abduction for who knows what reason and another one who faked being kidnapped so he could cheat on his wife.

And in all the cases, they got busted. Let's just stop faking kidnappings. It doesn't work, it upsets people and wastes police's time

This Little Light Of Mine, I'm gonna LetIt...Ca Boom!

Why do people keep using lighters as a light source around flammable things? This woman was filling a gas can and decided she needed to see how much gas was in there, lit the lighter, and boom! the can exploded, the car set on fire, it's now a shell of its former self.

Luckily her car was the only casualty, and she managed to move it away from the gas pumps in an attempt to save them from flames, and she only had burns to her wrist and thigh, but she would have had no burns and no flaming car if she had not chosen the lighter to shine a little light on the gas can.

Is He Slower Than The Elevator?

When I heard about the story of the man who didn't think to call 911 when stuck in the elevator, I had sympathy for him. maybe he didn't think his situation warranted calling 911. maybe he was trying to get a hold of maintenance for his building to see if they could get him out instead of the folks who fight fires. I remember my mom, when she was stuck in the elevator, didn't want to call the fire department. She just thought maybe Mike the janitor could get the elevator moving again. But my sympathy swiftly ran out when I realized that this guy was in fact the maintenance man, and he still didn't think to call 911. Instead, he called his boss, who drove to the fire station and got firefighters to come get him out. so he spent 2 hours in the elevator when he could have been extricated much faster if he'd called 911 right away.

I do have to give him credit for being calm, although it seems like he was too calm. He just talked on the phone while stuck in the elevator, and said next time he would call 911 first. Well, at least he learned something.

Hop On the Bus, Gus, drop Your Pants, Lance, Put A Condom On, John...What?

Ok, here's a situation for ya. You're on a school bus, driving along. the bus slows down and...a naked, crazy man comes through the window while the bus is still moving! Oh wait, he wasn't quite naked, he had a condom on. Kids jump out the back of the bus, the guy shoves the driver out of her seat and then cant' drive the bus anyway. It comes to a stop against a fense, at which point, folks surround the bus and catch the naked man before he can get anywhere. Anyway, would you ever imagine in your wildest dreams that this would happen? No? Neither did I. But some parents of these kids think that something has to be done to prevent future naked crazed folks from heaving themselves on moving school buses.

I know that when horrible things happen, it is our natural reaction to think that we can prevent it from happening again. Some things can be prevented, and it's great that people think of ways to prevent those things. Wen a plane crashes, it's good to analyze why it crashed so you can put in measures to help next time that happens. But some things are just unforeseeable. You cannot prevent every bad eventuality from happening. You just have to deal with it the best you can, which is what everybody did. the driver went back with the students and the students jumped off before the bus flipped over, calling for help. People came over and surrounded the bus, helping kids and grabbing the wacko. some people were injured, but noone was seriously hurt or killed. They'll all live to tell about it. I'm sure they were traumatized, but they will all live to tell about it.

Now, if we start seeing an epidemic of naked crazy men jumping on school buses, it's time to look at patterns. Until then, it was just a freak thing.

Another awesome quote was this one.

I really don't understand how he [Pitmon] could be hijacking a school bus. They don't have nothing to get from them. I don't know what was going on in his mind, and for him not to have on no clothes, I don't understand that.

Nobody understands that except Arris Pitmon, the crazy naked guy, himself, and even he probably doesn't know. He's nuts. Nuts people don't think logically because...they're nuts! He'd already grabbed at a random woman who had bought some stuff at a convenience store before running for the window of the bus. He was either on something, or something snapped in him. that's all there is to it. there's nothing to think out.

Gees. If the parents hadn't started up there "Something needs to be done" speech, this would have just gone in the weirder than weird files. Why'd they have to make it so complicated?

A Happy Egg Is A Processed Egg

I didn't think boiling eggs was all that difficult, butperhaps I'm wrong.

TheHappy Egg Company,who's website is completely inaccessible to blind people unless I'm missing something, is now selling packs of preboiled and preshelled free range eggs for folks who "love free range eggs but don't have the time or knack to prepare a boiled egg."

Knack?

Company marketing guy Rob Newell, who's name kind of rhymes with fool, said of the product: "As the summer months approach, we are confident they will be a real hit for picnics and offer fresh inspiration to those wanting a tasty and nutritious snack in minutes."

I'll give him partial credit since I do seem to have a "fresh inspiration," but unfortunately I'm freshly inspired to lose everything I've eaten so far today.

The Wrong person's Dog Died In A Hot Car

Remember what I said about leaving your dog in a hot car? Head of Richmond's ASPCA Robin Star knows this all too well now.

To be fair to the poor woman, she didn't know the dog was in the car. Her husband put their 16-year-old deaf and blind pooch in the back of the car without telling her, and the little guy probably didn't move around much. Then she came out four hours later, and he was in some pretty heavy distress. they tried to save him, but he didn't make it.

so next time you think it would be fine to leave your dog in a hot car, look at those temperature stats and think of her poor dog Louie.

Big Loo

The other day, Steve asked me about something I had never noticed. He said, in old clips about robots, why are they pronounced like ro-bits?" I had never heard them talked about like that, so he told me about an ad for something called "Big Loo" that was some silly toy that was supposed to look like a space robot. I'd never heard of it, so I went off in search of this Big Loo. Since YouTube has everything, here's Big Loo, and yes, it is referred to as a ro-bit.

So why were they ever pronounced that way, and what brought about the change to robot the way we pronounce it now?

And on the subject of Big loo, what the hell does he look like? Was he heavy? Should we consider him the grandfather of Spike? And what in god's name is he saying in that commercial? If all ten phrases are this incomprehensible, he might as well not talk. Did he walk on his own, or did you have to pull him? Did you have to fill him with batteries? they talked about batteries for his eyes but nothing else.

What a strange toy. Back in those days, he was expensive. You had to shell out 10 bucks to buy Big Loo, your friend from the moon. But he seemed to be well-loved. In searching for the ad, I found people on the hunt for Big Loo because theirs was sold as a child, etc. I guess Marx made a killing with this thing.

Auto-Tune The News

Steve was telling me about something he'd heard about where somebody took the news and put auto-tune on it. I thought this would have been hilarious, so went out to find it, and my god, there's a whole series. So without blabbing anymore, I give you...Auto-Tune the news. Seriously. I'm going to have that little song that plays at the end in my head forever. That's too funny and would have taken a lot of work. Sometimes they take a minute to get going, but when they do, it's awesome.

I'm Surprised She Didn't Name Her Daughter Christine

Uh, remember how I said I couldn't find anything to post about? How in the blue bloody hell did I miss the story of Jessica King?

Here's the quick and dirty version. Jessica King was 8 months pregnant. She decided to go drive to a meeting. It was icy. Even so, she thought it would be a good idea to wear stiletto heels, and stand in them while scraping off the ice from her car, which was already running and had the driver's door open. Then the trouble started.

Then she slipped.

As she attempted to grab the top of the car for balance, she accidentally knocked the gear shifter into reverse. The car door then knocked King to the ground, and the car slowly rolled over her legs as it exited the driveway.

Somehow, she got through this without getting incapacitated. She watched in dismay as her car did slow circles of the neighbourhood, causing all manner of damage. She decided maybe she could catch it...

did I read that right?

Yup. She thought she might be able to get into her moving car and put it in park. Maybe she should go learn a lesson from Lori Baxter. You can't stop a moving car.

Anyway, wishing to save all of her neighbours' cars from certain death, never mind any human pedestrians her machine on auto-pilot might meet, she thought she might try and catch it. I admire her wanting to save everybody's stuff, but...it's a moving car! As you can guess, her attempt to catch her runaway vehicle failed.

But she slipped again as she grabbed the car door. The door knocked her down once more, and the car again slowly rolled over King.

She said she had tire tracks on her maternity dress.

this time, the damage was done to her abdomen, just inches from her unborn child. Somehow, she drove herself to the hospital and needed a week to recover.

Luckily for her, her little one is ok, and they all laugh at her supreme clutziness. I think I'll laugh at something else.

Oh, I know what this post needs. A theme song!

To Have A shot At Being Proven Innocent, He'll Need A Whole New Identity

I couldn't find much to post, so I went back and found the story of this dumbass robbing a store in full view of security cameras. It's not the fact that he robbed a music store in front of 8 security cameras that made me want to put it up, although that's pretty stupid. It's more that

• he's a regular customer at the store,
• whose name and number are written down in a book where customers request rare CD's,
• and he just finished writing his name and address on a CD that he wanted them to hold for him. Only after he'd finished putting down his name and number did he reach for the dough.

Way to go, dork. Amazingly, he did manage to get away. I'm not worried. I'm sure they'll find him soon.

Looking Out for Your Guide Dog After You Die

Somebody asked a good question on a list I'm on. It was originally phrased as "can you specify in your will who gets your guide dog if heaven forbid, you die suddenly?" This was quickly answered, and it was said that whether or not you have signed over ownership of the pooch, it's your wishes that are considered most, and you should let everybody close to you know what you want done.

...

Which makes me wonder what I would do. I mean, I hope to hell my number's not up and I'm not about to fly off into the great beyond, but what if I am? What if, tomorrow, something completely freaky happens to me and I'm gone? Who would I want to have the Trixter?

I know you're all thinking, you should know. Steve would take her. But the thing is he says he cannot, under any circumstances, handle dog poop, and since picking up after the mut is an at least twice daily task, that would be a pretty shitty, har har, way to leave things. Plus, I don't know how he'd handle walking her. He'd probably learn pretty quick, but he has this bad ankle that goes out sometimes and he can fall down quickly. so I wouldn't want him walking my unharnessed, slightly unruly dog in that state around a lot. But she would need that exercise.

There's a small part of me that says I could leave her with my neighbours. She already knows them, and they both love her, and hey, she'd be with the huppy, so she'd be with friends. But would they want to take on the responsibility of taking care of her and a child?

I could leave her with my parents. They love her a lot and I know they would take her in a heartbeat. We do have a big yard and she'd sure have fun out there. But both of them work all day and she'd be all alone a lot, and I don't know how the poor babe would handle that.

I know my sister's boyfriend loves animals, so I'm sure he would give her lots of care, as would my sister. But again, he works all day and they have a really little condo thingy.

If worst came to worst, her raisers might be able to take her. That would mean shipping her all the way to California though. *shiver*.But maybe they couldn't take her. I don't know, and I don't know how to even ask that question. *double shiver*.

As I write this, I realize that I guess I'd have options. But what option would it be? I just want to make sure that she, or any dog I would have, doesn't, under any circumstances, wind up in a shelter. That is not happening, not even after I were dead, if I can help it.

I've never really thought about writing a will because I really don't have much. I have a little bit of money, a few things that mean a lot to me but wouldn't mean much to anyone else, that's about it. But there is the Trixter, or whatever dog I have, to consider.

Ug. What morbid thoughts. Why do I think such things?

I'm Looking Over, My Cooked dog rover, who I Left In My Hot, Hot, Car

I saw something today while I was out running errands that made me mad, so I figured I'd write it down. As I left the last place where we were going, I noticed my god, it had gotten warmer. At the same moment as I noticed that, I heard the sound of yapping dogs. I was being helped to the street by a guy from the store and I asked him, "Are those dogs inside a car?" The answer came back. "yeah, stupid yapping dogs." I told him that it wasn't the yapping that bugged me, it was the fact that their owner had left them inside a hot car on a hot day. Nonchalantly, he said, "Oh I know, and they don't even have a window open either." that was it. I told him they could die, and even if they had cracked the window, it wasn't enough, and that cars heat up much faster because they're self-contained, yada yada yada. He stil didn't care. I looked straight at him and said "Look, if I could see that license plate, I'd take it down and call it in myself. Please help those dogs." Finally, after going on about how he was taught to mind his own business, he said he'd go talk to the owners. I begged him to do something, because I would be thinking about those little things for the rest of the day.

People people people! It's not safe to leave your muts inside a hot car. Think of them like a baby. Would you leave your baby in a hot car? If you don't believe me, believe the Humane Society of Ottawa.

And about that "minding you're own business" crap, yeah it's good to not be involved in everybody's stuff, but if someone's in danger, should you just mind your own business? I should hope not.

I hope those yapping dogs are still alive to yap another day.

Dragonflies Are Faster Than A Speeding Bullet!

We've talked about people trying to shoot mice, but in that case, nobody was hurt. This time someone decided to shoot dragonflies, and shot his friend in the head instead. We don't know if his buddy survived, nor was there any word on whether he managed to hit any dragonflies. Dragonflies? Seriously?

I Now Pronounce You...Prison Bitch

Here's a marriage that's likely doomed to fail.

Sean Kelly married his room-mate's sister. At the wedding, the booze was flowing, and apparently so were the insults between bride and groom's families. Before it was over, 10 people were in a big old shoving match, some of them sustaining cuts and bruises. the cops were called, and that's when Sean decided he needed to give some stuff to his brothers for safekeeping. In front of the cops, he opened up his trunk and revealed some weapons, a lot of 'em. the only problem is he's not allowed to have those weapons...so off goes Sean Kelly to jail. Nobody's posted his bail. In a hilariously obvious quote, the police chief said the honeymoon had been delayed. I'd say it may have been delayed indefinitely.

I Went Through The birth Canal And All I got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Wow. I think we found the people who made the Chinese Takeout and santa panties. they're called Cotton On Kids, and they have a whole line of baby clothing with dirty slogans. There are shirts that say things like "I'm living proof my mum is easy," "the condom broke" and "my mommy likes it on top." Yeah, because we want parents running around with this stuff on their kids. There were other ones that said "I'm atits man" and "they shake me."

I could see somebody buying one of these shirts as a joke for a new mom. but I could also see some of the "parents of the year" I've mentioned having their kids wear these as everyday apparel.

Workking Concrete Canoe, That's An Oxymoron

Student drowns while testing concrete canoe

Ya think? I can't figure out how so many people, as part of a civil engineering team, thought this was a fine idea. Concrete...canoe! Concrete...canoe! Should concrete be in a canoe?

I know the guy sank because he didn't have a lifejacket, but whatever happened to the canoe? It would be weird if it in fact floated. Why in hell would one want a concrete canoe?

When the guy finally died, I wonder if he met up with Christopher Mayo.

Giant Thought Motherload Comin' In

I've had a few things I've wanted to write down, but I've been kinda busy and when I've had a second, I didn't have the focus I wanted. Now I think I have what I need to write.

Speaking of being busy, I'm still pretty busy right now, so the new template will have to wait a bit longer. Damn life getting in the way of geekery. But one way or another, it will be done. We didn't do all that labeling for nothing.

Last week was the big week when I needed to carpool to Kitchener, and man that made the days so much less exhausting. I was still tired at the end of the day, but it was normal tired, not jesus I need to hit the bed as soon as I get home because I have to get up with the roosters tired. And I was only tired at the end of the day. All day, I felt like I had heaps of energy, and could do a lot better than I did last time. Last time, every little thing felt like a giant effort, and I was constantly angry at myself that I needed to be poked and prodded along because I was so tired that I was running in survival mode. This time, I actually had a functioning brain, which makes testing a website way easier. I also had motivation to do what I could when I got home at night, which helped us get things done just a wee bit faster.

I looked through the archive to see if I'd mentioned anything about what it felt like working for Desire2Learn and I hadn't, and that's a shame! It was amazing both times. The people working at this company are nothing short of awesome. It's an amazing feeling to provide input to such a receptive group of people who get what I'm talking about. Not only that, but they actually put JAWS on one of their laptops so I could read my own notes at the meeting. That is just cream of awesome. They never made me feel like I was a burden if I needed a bit of help finding something. I truly felt like I was one of their equals and nobody was all nervous because of the blind guy factor.

Not only did I have a great experience personally, but they really care about making sure their site works for all. So, if you find yourself going to school and taking a course that has an online learning component and it's powered by Desire2Learn, chances are you'll have no trouble with the interface.

You know, before doing this, I never really thought about how I surfed the web. I just did it. But explaining to someone else what makes things easier really made me break it down, and I realized it's all about patterns. Then it doesn't seem so mystifying anymore. But it was an interesting process coming to the place where I would consciously think about what I already knew deep down.

Not only did I have a good week there, I think Trixie did too. You should have seen her when we got out of the car the first day and she recognized her surroundings. There was a hop, a skip, and then she knew. She even basically remembered where my desk was. I took her harness off so folks could say hello to her, and she spotted...the man with the homemade treats! Oh my my my, how a tail can wag wag wag. I think he enjoyed coming over and giving her some love every day. I know she enjoyed her time with him.

It's amazing how much things have changed for us since the last time I took her there. That time, I kept her in harness most of the time because we were in a giant mass of cubicles and I was afraid she'd go pester some random person she decided she liked. But this time, I trustedher enough that I felt comfortable taking her leash and harness off so she could chill. I think the hardest thing she had to deal with was watching out for people coming over to watch me test stuff and wheeling in chairs to sit down. Ah but she seemed to enjoy that too.

I was surprised at how tired she was when we'd get home each night. I thought when I got home, she would go nuts and want to run and play and do all kinds of stuff. But she spent most of the evenings sleeping. It's not like she never got any sleep at work. I can think of at least two instances where she slept so deeply, she dream barked. Why did one of them have to be during my presentation? Trixie, am I really that boring?

Here's aquestion for everybody with woofs. One day when she was giving her favourite man at the office some love, he noticed there was something on one of her paws. He said "I think it's gum!" I couldn't even find it, I guess it was between her pads. He got a kleenex and got it off after some effort, starting to wonder if it wasn't gum after all. But it was. So...anybody got any tips on how to extricate gum from a dog's paw? And hey gum-spitter-outer, I've got a great idea. Put your gum in the garbage can, ya litterbug.

Something happened to me the other day that was another one of those things that makes me raise my eyebrows. Trixie and I were chuckin' along like we do, and a woman said "What's your puppy's name?" I said it was Trixie. then she said "Will she pull you if I call her?"

Whaaat?

Let's try and address that sentence in the most logical way you can. If she wants to call her, as in "hi Trixie, c'mere, kissy kissy kis kiss", what does she want the dog to do? She wants the dog to come to her! Is it a good idea to beckon a guide dog? No, no, no no no no no! Unless you're working with the handler to test the dog's ability to resist destraction, never call a service dog to you! It's working! If it does respond to your calls, it will likely get corrected faster than you could say "Here puppy!"

On the other side of the coin, if you don't think the dog will be phased by your beckoning noises, why bother? You just look like a dork calling a working dog. It's not going to accomplish anything.

I had to take a couple of seconds to come up with a response that didn't involve calling her a moron or something equally bad. I managed to say "It's never a good idea to call a working dog." as we continued to walk by. Some people are odd ducks.

For the last couple of weeks, our apartment building has done something weird. A few months ago, they had speakers put in the lobby and they'd pipe one of the local radio stations through them. I'm not a big fan of the music, but oh well. It's the kind of stuff you hear at dentist offices and places where you have to picka middle ground in the music department. but it was cool to have on because sometimes you'd catch a weather forecast or a bit of news or something as you were zipping through the lobby.

Now, they've decided that a radio station is not good. Oh no, not at all. What have they replaced the radio station with? Of all the things to choose, they've settled on a loop of those horrible instrumental replications of the kinds of songs that used to play on the radio station that used to come through those same speakers. So, instead of hearing the real song, we get to hear that song as synthesized by a bunch of pianos and guitars if you're lucky, midi synthesizers if you're not. Steve has talked about this, and did a better job than I'm doing. I think I have to say the songs I hate the most that play on this thing are "The Glory of Love", "It must Have Been Love", "Where Does My Heart Beat Now?" and Take My Breath Away." Oh, I also can't stand "Stand By Me."

This shouldn't bug me. You probably think I'm insane for even caring. After all, it's a lobby. Nobody spends more than a few seconds in there. they're always on their way somewhere. but you see, I'm going through that lobby at least 4 times a day to take Trixie to go pee, so I get more of a dose of that crap than your average joe does. Plus, I tend to notice more stuff.

what bugs me even more than when I recognize a song and then notice all the places where they did it wrong is when I can't for the life of me figure out what song they're trying to butcher. As I go about what I'm there to do, it's like a big game, and I'm losing. My brain can almost figure out what song it is, but not quite. The elevator arrives or I go out the dor, and I still haven't figured out what that damn song is.

As I was doing all that labeling, I realized something while looking at the advocacy label. There are few things that I actually followed up on. I have to change that. I do have to say I did follow up on one thing. I asked where my follow-up call went concerning my troubles with the Do Not Call List site.

first, I checked to see if they had implemented an audio solution for their captcha. they hadn't. I checked to see if there was a "hey blind people, call this number or email us or something" link. There wasn't. so I phoned the number that I'd first called. They told me to email their support address, so I did. I asked them what blind folks are supposed to do about the captcha. I got an email back that said they could call the number I just called and they would register my number.

Unfortunately, I don't have any more numbers that are mine that need to be registered. Does anyone want to see how good their word is and see if they'll register a number via the Centre for Excelence as they call it? If you do, call 1-866-791-6601 and say that you can't do it through the website. It would be preferrable if it was a cell phone number or a fax number that you cant' get the automated system to recognize, so then that would leave the website as your only option. Ask them if they'd register the number. See what happens. Let me know how it goes. I'm dying to know. Like I said, I'd do this myself, but I dont' have any numbers left to register.

Let's keep the advocacy hat on for one more second. I've mentioned before that I organize a group that gets together to speak French. This has been a pretty easy task, all thanks to the awesomeness that is the meetup.com service. for a fee, they will manage all the people's email addresses, place them on a listserve so we can all talk to each other without knowing each other's personal details, put up our next times to meet on a website with a little calendar thingy, allow people to RSVP and keep track of it all, and keep a list of the places we've been before, along with lots and lots of other cool features. It's pretty darn cool.

...

Or I should say it *was* pretty darn cool until they went and deployed a new interface. With the old interface, I could use it with no problem. It was easy as pie. Then, in a flash, it all changed. they went heavy on the java script, light on the ability for anyone to use anything but the mouse.

For people who don't know, JAWS and its brothers don't do the mouse. It's all keyboard, all the time. You can simulate a mouse click, but it's far harder to do that and it doesn't always work.

Suddenly I couldn't pick a meetup place or set any of the settings. Everything acted as if you couldn't click it. Thanks to some fancy footwork and astute observations by technically-minded folk, I managed to schedule my next Meetup. But that's no guarantee of success the next time I want to schedule one.

so, being the pesky person that I am, I emailed them. this is what I said.

Hello. I am an organizer of a Meetup group. Ever since you changed your interface, I cannot easily select a location or expand settings areas. I use the keyboard, cannot use the mouse, and use a screen-reader to read the contents of the screen. I have a meetup I'd like to schedule in draft form because I cannot select a location and will need to solicit sighted help to do it. Is there a way I can switch back to your old interface? Would you like help in testing your interface for accessibility, or perhaps a demonstration on how someone navigates the web using a screen-reader? I would be more than happy to assist if I could.

thanks in advance for any help.

Carin

Several hours later, I got this simultaneously helpful and not helpful response.

Hi Carin,

I'm really sorry this is happening...! Screen readers don't always work as well with JavaScript. There's really no way to go back to the old interface, as we're constantly updating the site with new features. But I did change a setting on your account which might help. I permanently expanded the tabs for when you're on the "Schedule a Meetup" page, so that might help.

I also suggest that you contact the folks who developed your screenreader. Perhaps they can suggest a way to optimize it.

I found this really detailed article which might help:
http://northtemple.com:80/2008/10/07/javascript-and-screen-readers

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Ok, first, I'm thankful that the person went in and changed my settings. At least, for now, I should be able to continue using the site. I am also thankful that the person didn't tell me to get an assistant organizer to click my mouse for me. Lots of people like to suggest stuff like that. It's an easy out, and it's not good enough. so I'm very thankful that the person didn't choose that avenue.

But here's where I get a little mad. If they knew that java+screen-reader may equal bad, why not have their new java tested by someone to make sure it would work for all? Why roll out something that they knew would screw users, paying users I might add, over? Nice forward thinking there guys.

Second, I have no problem contacting the makers of JAWS with my problem, but I'm not a super code monkey. I can tell them the site doesn't work, but I can't tell them why. These people know why. Why can't *they* fix it?

I still have to read the article that they linked me to. Maybe it would shed some light.

Edit: It was an article for developers! What am I supposed to do with that? It is teaching me a bit about what java scripts are cool and which ones are not, but it's written for the ones who *write* the code, not little old me, the end user. Way to go, Idaho!

But I just couldn't believe they already knew their interface was inaccessible for some and rolled it out anyway. I guess not everybody is half as cool as Desire2Learn.

I wrote an email back. We'll see if I get a response. It said:

Thanks. I'll give all of this a try.

I appreciate you finding this stuff, but I would truly appreciate it more if
you had any new changes to the interface checked for accessibility *before*
they are deployed. I'm not the only user of a screen-reader who uses your
site, and not the only one paying you money. What if next time you deployed
a new change, you decided to go withall flash and didn't label it? That
wouldn't go over so well, and I would be sad to have to bid you farewell
because you do offer a really great service.

Thanks for your help. I'll give all of this a try. I am using the latest
version of the screen-reader. I'll submit a suggestion to JAWS and see if
they will do anything, but since I'm not a developer, I don't know exactly
what to tell them except "I can't use it!" That doesn't exactly go miles and
miles to finding a solution.

Thanks again.

Carin

so let's see if I can follow this to its end. Failing that, does anyone know of a comparable service to Meetup? I would hate to have to do this, but I may have to port the group over to a service that I can use successfully. I mean, what good is Meetup to me if I can't, uh, schedule a meetup?

I think that's everything. Gees, that took me forever to write. A big heap of congrats go to everyone who stuck with this to the end. You're awesome.

Maybe Joe Should Get A Tattoo On His Face

Jared Rohrig sounds like quite the prize. He pretended to be his twin brother so he could get in bed with said brother's girlfriend. When she discovered that he was not, in fact, Joe Rohrig, he pushed her back on the bed and raped her.

But on top of the fact that he's an asshole and a creep, he is bone stupid. Observe.

But as they were having sex, the warrant states, she noticed something missing: the cowboy tattoo on Joe's left buttocks was not there.

The woman "immediately began to cry and asked him where his tattoo went," the warrant states. "The male replied that he had never had a tattoo and told
her that she must have hooked up with his brother who had a tattoo "¦ The female victim realized at this point that this was not the person that she had
previously had sexual relations with."

wow, he didn't even try and make up a clever excuse like "I got it removed" or something to give himself a bit of time.

But we're not done yet.

Later, the man -- still claiming to be Joe Rohrig -- drove the woman home in Jared Rohrig's pickup truck, but could not find the way, even though Joe had previously visited there several times, she told police.

"The female victim looked at the male and asked, 'When did you think I was going to find out? When I realized you didn't have a tattoo? When we didn't use Joe's car to drive home? Or when you didn't know how to get to my house because you've never been there?' " the warrant states.

"The female victim said the male replied, 'I don't know. I never thought that far ahead.' [She] asked him, 'How do you feel right now?' and he replied,
'I feel dumb. I feel stupid.' The male then said, 'You have every right to be upset.' The female victim replied, 'I don't need your sympathy.' "

He said one thing right in that whole thing. "I feel dumb. I feel stupid." Quite right, so he should.

Here's the scariest thing in that article. He made it into the police force, but his brother isn't being considered at this time. Maybe there's a perfectly good reason why Joe is not being considered, but how in hell did Jared make it in? He's not exactly good at hiding his character flaws.

Something about this whole thing reminds me of that great big mess involving Nick/Gee of years gone by.

Everybody Loves Dumbasses

Since I am nothing if not a fair man, I must take a moment to be fair toKaty Perry,who is not in fact the dumbest person to soil the set of who Wants to Be A Millionaire. I thought she would be a shoe-in, but once again I have been reminded of something I know all too well. There is no limit to the stupidity of human beings.

The reminder came in the form ofPatricia Heaton,the wife on Everybody Loves Raymond. By the way, no matter how many people try to convince me otherwise, that show is not funny. I could probably go on for hours about that, but that's not why we're here. Why we're here is to watch what seems to be a perfectly rational and reasonably intelligent woman completely lose all grasp on...well, pretty much everything. I'm no good at math, but this is just ridiculous. she starts freaking out before Regis even finishes the question and it's all down hill from there.

Just in case you can't make it through the entire 8 minutes of hell, she does end up getting the question right, but only after Regis pretty well tells her listen, here's the answer, can we just say final so I can go home for Christ's sake?

I think it's really nice that the Millionaire people are wanting to give so much money to charity, but it would be great if next time around they canned the celebrities and just quietly wrote out cheques. Wasting 10 minutes or more per show on idiots like these makes the show look stupid and belittles the accomplishments of the regular contestants.

And for the sake of accuracy, ask the audience didn't get replaced like Isaid in the first Millionaire post I wrote.It's still there, but the article I linked to about the show coming back made it sound like it wouldn't be. Mistakes in a newspaper? Impossible!

Up, Up And In Flames, My Lighter Fluid Balloon

Why do I get the sense thattheseidiot kids started out playing eitherkick the flaming ballorlighter fluid tag?

Note to the parents of the 12-year-old: Your son is a maniac, get him some help before he kills somebody.

Finally, the kids admitted to filling a water balloon with lighter fluid and the balloon broke, soaking the 13-year-old boy's clothes. On the way to change out of the soiled clothes, the 12-year-old lit his friend on fire.

Doucette says the 12-year-old lit the victim on fire again after the first flames were put out.

The 12-year-old has been charged with arson. What, no attempted murder?

Oh, and note to the 13-year-old: Find one of those dictionary thingies and look up the word friend. You'll notice that nowhere in there will you see it defined as anything resembling one who lights another on fire.

Snap Into A Store Clerk

If most of us found ourselves in a Cracker Barrel that didn't have what we were looking for, we'd likely just turn around and leave. That's because most of us aren'tNancy A. Ward.If we were, rather than walking out and continuing the search, we would respond to our adversity by throwing apple juice, fists and a Slim Jim at the store clerk. We would then storm out, pull down the flag at the front of the place and drive away.

Boy, good thing we're not her.

That's Not Nice, It Was Probably Just Playing

Who the fuck gets into a fight with an opossum, and over what?

I can't answer the second part of that question, but the answer to the first is41-year-old Kevin A. Temple.

Temple was observed by police walking on the sidewalk holding a live opossum by the tail. He told police he had gotten into a fight with the animal and it had bitten him on the hand. Temple then proceeded to slam the opossum on the sidewalk, killing it.

Police said Temple was intoxicated. They took him to Southwest Regional Medical Center in Waynesburg to receive medical treatment for bites to his hand.

At the hospital, police said, Temple fought with them and they eventually had to Taser him before they could restrain him. Temple was charged with resisting arrest, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

Yes, that was lame. Steve may want to slap me.

I woke up way too early, so I decided to look for posts, and lo and behold...I found an incident of a dude gettin' it on with something. Danny Brawner was really enjoying himself, humping the trunk of his car in a grocery store parking lot, pants around his ankles, shouting and swinging his arms in the air. then...he passed out beside his car. I guess he needed to sleep afterwards. Or maybe he was drunk. Either way, he was easy to locate.

What a weirdo. there are going to be some very confused children now.

You Want Me To What?

I know I'm being childish, but read this line and tell me without clickinghereif you think this guy is nabbing a thief or looking for dates.

The security guard approached the 44-year-old yesterday at a Dapto supermarket and demanded he produce the meat from within his pants.

You're telling me that was the best way to describe what was going on there?

PETW

Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women

Is Anything Ever This Guy's Fault?

TheNew Brunswick national anthem controversyjust doesn't want to die.

Erik Millett, the man who made the call to stop the daily singing of O Canada at Belleisle Elementary School while he was principal there now claims that one of the parents who led the charge to have his decision reversedis an immigrant-hating racist.

Erik Millett said Susan Boyd, who fought to have the anthem reinstated, had a political and possibly anti-immigrant agenda.

"She handed me literature which was clearly racist, borderline hate propaganda, which said if you're not prepared to speak English and adopt Christian values, then immigrants should get out of the country — they're not welcome," Millett said.

Boyd admitted she gave Millett literature but said she doesn't remember the exact details and denied it was anti-immigrant or racist.

"It was just about change, change in our country, … with immigrants coming in," she said. "You know, that's wonderful ... because they bring such value to our country, but we still have to keep our national anthem."

Ok, even if whatever she handed him was racist, what difference does it make? The guy tried to enact a bad policy and he got called on it. whatever kind of person Susan Boyd may or may not be the rest of the time is irrelevant. The point is that in this instance, literature or no literature, she was correct to question you and what some might call your anti-Canada agenda if we want to be fair about things. Calling her a racist comes off as pitiful whining from a man desperate for...something, I'm not even sure what. Perhaps it's money, since he says he's pondering legal action against Boyd for attacking his character.

If I were you sir I wouldn't waste my time, since what does not exist cannot be attacked. Bending to the wants of 2 or 3 people at the expense of one of the things that defines the land we all, including them, call home doesn't count as character. Letting them know that you won't be pushed around but that they're welcomed to sit and be quiet if they wish on the other hand would have, but that's not what you did. It's time to start living with the consequences of your decision and getting on with the rest of your life. Please, just go away quietly.

United Still Breaks Guitars

A while ago Carin talked aboutpoor Dave Carroll and his go round with United airlines after their baggage monkeys destroyed his expensive guitar.In the second video she linked, Carroll promised that there were more songs to come, and true to his word,here's song 2.

A lot more went into making this one than the first. check out the video description to see what was involved.

and the saga continues On Tuesday August 5 we reconvened at the field behind the Station 41 fire department in Waverley NS to shoot the second video in the trilogy, United Breaks Guitars: Song 2. Once again, everyone volunteered their time and talent to produce an outstanding video; however, Song 2 was a much bigger production than United Breaks Guitars. In addition to the main roles, we had nearly 100 extras in the cast and in order to say everything we wanted to say with the video, we required a broken guitar, an imitation broken guitar, a 40 foot high scissor lift, a limousine (complete with secret service agents), one genuine imitation space capsule, a space suit, a tuba, 3 suits of German Lederhosen, a canoe, one white panel van and a woman willing to wear tights and a big dollar sign.

This song, like the first, is pretty catchy. It doesn't have the same immediate hook to it, but by the end I was singing along, so nice work.

By the way, if you want to check out his website, go toDaveCarrollMusic.com.

That Was Easy

Thankfully it appears I won't have to do much figuring out to get myAerosmith refund.

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from Ticketmaster/Live Nation informing me that refunds for anybody who purchased tickets with a credit card on the phone or online would be automatic. However, if you bought tickets in person at a box office you're supposed to go back there to get yours. If I heard the recording right, the refund includes everything but the Ticketmaster service fee and the charge to send the tickets through the mail, both of which I have no problem not getting backlike I said before.

As for what becomes of the ZZ Top part of the tour, it looks like they've decided now that they're not playing with Aerosmith anymore tostart fresh and do their own shows.

The plan from the sounds of it is to try to get to as many of the places that didn't get the shows they were supposed to get as possible. So far there's nothing listed for Canada, but hopefully they'll get around to us as they start filling in dates. All of the shows scheduled so far are listed at the link above if you want to check them out.

A Message To Those On Messenger

Here's a note to all my MSN contacts: When I say I'm at work, unless you're one of the people I work with or you have something you desperately need to tell me that can't for some reason go in an email, don't message me. Just don't. I have it on because the people I work with have offices on several floors, so sometimes we exchange files. I put a comment on it saying I was at work, and no less than five people messaged me, some people saying "I know you're at work, but..."

Hellooo! If I could shut off my Messenger at work, I would. I don't have it on because I'm bored or something. Sometimes when extra windows open, it gets in the way of doing the stuff I have to do.

So please, when I say I'm at work, don't message me, ok?

Pasta's Famous!

I mentioned being room-mates with a girl and her guide dog named Pasta at the GDB reunion. Actually, it was Trixie who mentioned Pasta. Well, Pasta has been crowned Wellness Food's pet of the month. Megan submitted the story of Pasta's life, and they thought it was pretty cool, so up it went. Go Megan and Pasta!

A Is For Are You Sure About This?

The other day, I came across the A is for Atom videos. Here's part 1 and here's part 2. This made me think something. This would have made some confused kids. Both videos were created in the early 50's. So, first they see the Duck and cover video, which tells them that all they have to do to protect themselves from the atom bomb is to put a cloth over their face, and then they see this video which details, among other things, the destructive powers of the atom bomb. I know if I were a kid, I'd have my hand up to say "Um, how would a newspaper or a shirt protect me from that much bomb?" Then, the teacher would have to set off the independent thought alarm.

I'm just sayin'.

We Have The Winners!

Back a while ago, I mentioned a contest where you could win a Blackberry, complete with screen-reader. Since we didn't right a post where we were bouncing off the walls screaming that we won, you can correctly guess we didn't. But we found out who did. Congrats, you four lucky people you. Do any of you read here? Probably not, but maybe you do. Do you like your new Blackberries? Should I want one? Should I want one yesterday? Can I see your new phone? Ha ha ha ha ha I have a Blackberry I have a Blackberry I have a Blackberry! Catch me if you can! Ah crap, you did, and now you have your Blackberry and I have a black eye! that didn't go so well, did it?

Can You Hear The Kookaburra?

When you hear the song "Down Under" by Men at Work, when they get to the flute part, do you cry ripoff? Do you think it's a total copying of the Kookaburra song created in 1934 and sung by a bunch of Girl Guides? I sure don't. It didn't even enter my head until I heard about this lawsuit. Larrikin Music, who bought the rights to the old nursery rhyme in 1990, has just now thought maybe it could sue its way into getting millions of dollars of royalties from Men at Work by accusing them of stealing the song.

Uh, first, what took you so long? The song existed long before you got the rights, and it's been 19 years since you got them. Why did you just think of suing them now?

And second, how about no? even when they're played together, it doesn't sound like they've stolen anything. Melodies have all kinds of bits of other melodies in them. Need proof? How about this or this?

I hope the kookaburra isn't the only thing laughing. I hope Larrakin Music gets laughed out of court.

Carmen's On YouTube!

I don't know how many people remember Carmen apelgren, one of the ladies I was in class with when I got Trixie. Some of us can't get her song out of our heads...

Anyway, she emailed me to say she'd made it up on a TV show and it was now on Youtube! So, Here's Carmen talking about the Braille Institute where she works. It's in 3 parts: part 1, part 2 and part 3.

Enjoy, and hell, maybe this might help someone.

License To Ride The Bus?

A big round of applause for Bobby McHale. He must have studied that how to catch a bus film of years gone by as well as those helpful booklets and posters very well. He managed to get a certificate stating that he was qualified to catch a bus! The funniest part was he didnt' even know he was being tested.

This is what the certificate stated.

Bobby McHale (date of birth 22.5.94) a student at Bury Youth Service has completed the following unit of work.

Using Public Transport (Unit 1)

In completing the unit the student has demonstrated the ability to:

1. Walk to the local bus stop.

2. Stand or sit at the bus stop and wait for the arrival of a public bus.

3. Enter the bus in a calm and safe manner.

4. Be directed to a downstairs seat by a member of staff

5. Sit on the bus and observe through the windows.

6. Wait until the bus has stopped, stand on request and exit the bus.

Woo! I would hope that, at the age of 15, he has mastered this art.

And yes, this came from the UK.

This Concludes Our Aerosmith Concert Watch

Aerosmith Cancel Summer Tour Due to Tyler’s Injuries From Fall

And so our story comes to an end. I had a feeling that was how things would turn out. Oh well, it's for the best.At the rate things were going,somebody was going to be killed. I can't think of another tour that was so cursed from beginning to end. Better luck next time, guys.

Hopefully when next time comes I'll be able to get tickets, but for now, it's time to figure out how to claim my refund. Oh, and does anybody have any ideas for a good substitute Mother's Day present?

Wild Animals Aren't Pets

the story of Donna Munson feeding bears falls under the ha ha ha ha ha you're stupid files. but sadly, because her actions affected more than her, there is far less laughter.

the sweet old lady considered all the passing animals to be her pets, her babies. So, because she liked watching them and didn't want to see them go hungry, she would feed them dog food and scraps. What do you think happened? If you guessed they lost their fear of humans and ability to hunt for themselves, you would be correct. If you guessed that they started breaking into neighbours' houses and ended up eating sweet old Donna Munson, and bunches of them are now needing to be shot because they're dangerous and aggressive, you would also be correct.

Don't feed the bears. You're not helping them. You're going to wind up putting yourself, your neighbours and the animals you're trying to help, in danger.

Stop! Hey, What's That Sound, You're In Our Car So Quiet Down

Jen emailed me this, and it made me chuckle. But I do have to say the man telling this story had a lot more sympathy for the blind dope than I do. I'm sure by the end, you'll understand why.

I didn't know this, but apparently in england there are certain cars on trains designated as quiet cars. Does this happen in the states too? I've never heard of it in Canada, but maybe I'm just unenlightened. so I guess people are supposed to be quiet and not talk or yap on their cell phones or some such in these quiet cars. Now on with the story.

> Hello,

We had an interesting situation on the Camden 847 this morning, with a blind passenger. It highlighted the need to have all train stops announced each and every time on every train. The conductors on this train very rarely, if ever, announce any stop. It is always a very smooth running train and always arrives early but they do always neglect the announcements.

A blind passenger with a cane boarded at the Greenbelt station. He ended up in the Quiet car because he was having trouble finding an empty seat. There were plenty of empty seats available but he was sticking his cane out too far and hitting the legs of whoever was sitting next to the empty seats, and assuming that the seat was taken. It seemed that he was not familiar with the seating arrangements of the single-story cars commonly used on the Camden line. He starting exclaiming in a very loud voice that "I can't find a seat".

Now the folks who sit in the quiet cars on the Camden line are quite "conditioned" to not speaking at all and refraining from any conversation. There are also quite a few "quiet car Nazis" on the Camden line (and on the Brunswick, from what I hear). So I sensed a general reluctance to be the first person to respond to the blind man. Someone did finally lead him to an empty seat. The blind man, of course, had no idea that it was the quiet car since he could not see the sign.

The blind man declared out loud, perhaps to no one in particular, that he was not familiar with this train because he was "trying out" different trains and stations to see which would ones be better for him. He has very clear, strong voice - perhaps a result of his reliance on verbal communication because of his lack of sight? I could almost "feel" the quiet car riders cringe as he continued to converse in a voice that could be heard quite clearly throughout the whole car. Even the "quiet car Nazis" were reluctant to tell a blind man in need of assistance that he needs to quiet down.

Of course, when he realized that no announcements were being made over the PA he had to start asking what station we were at. Whoever responded to him with the answer, he tried to engage in conversation with him - to their horror, I imagine. That made the other passengers even more reluctant to respond to his questions, and so he had to repeat his questions three or four times before someone would respond. Finally a passenger explained to him that he was on the Quiet car, and that's why people were being reluctant to respond to his questions. He acknowledged it but continued to engage in conversation. I can only speculate that to a blind person, a lack of verbal interaction with those around him could be somewhat unnerving?

By the time we reached the Riverdale station the "quiet car Nazis" did start "shooshing" him but he either didn't hear them or didn't understand them or just ignored him - I don't which. In my experience, people with very loud voices often have poor hearing.

In my opinion, if the MARC conductors had announced every stop, as well as other normally helpful information, it would have gone a long ways to easing the situation described above. On some trains they do exactly that. On other trains they do it a little or sometimes, and on others like the Camden 847, they never do it. Another example of the "inconsistencies" prevalent in the MARC system.

I had sympathy for him up to when someone said, "hey blinky you're in the quiet car." and he kept on blab blab blabbing. If that were me, I would have said sorry and shut up, maybe after quietly asking dude if he would be still on the train at my stop and if so, could he tap me to let me know I should get my blind ass off the train, and if he wasn't, maybe I'd ask him if he'd be so kind as to guide me to the feel free to blabber and yatter all ya want car. I wouldn't keep yelling and talking. Blind people aren't comfortable when there isn't communication? No, some of them are just socially inept. You're a very kind and generous man, but this fellow didn't deserve it. What a dork.

But yeah, the guy's right about one thing. Call the stops! I've even found lately that Via Rail has gotten Lax and doesn't call out major station stops, and some minor ones. You have to realize that just because the train stops doesn't mean you're at a stop. Sometimes you're stopping to let a train pass. I've almost been forgotten twice on Via, and part of that is because I'm not even sure if I'm at my station because they're not calling out stops, so I haven't started going "hey! somebody wanna give a blink a hand to a staff person? I have to get off here."

And don't even get me started on the buses. Just don't. You know what happens when I get started. But hopefully we're getting somewhere in that regard. Guelph Transit is conducting a review of all their operations, which includes the calling of stops, or almost lack thereof. Maybe something will happen. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm hoping.

A Different Bonnie And Clyde

When I first saw the story of a blind dog being led by another dog, my bullshit detector started going off. But there seem to be half a zillion stories about the pair, complete with updates, so maybe there's something to this.

It appears a completely blind dog named clyde has found another dog who wants to help him out. The poor pooch won't move a paw unless the other dog, named Bonnie, har har har, is there leading him around, even to food. Even to food? Come on poocho, use that nose of yours! Apparently they were found wandering the streets and were scooped up and taken to a shelter. The shelter staff wanted to make sure they would be sent to a home together, and got their wish.

People always joke when their dog goes blind that maybe it should get a guide dog. I never thought I'd hear an actual story about a dog choosing to guide another dog.

Slow And Steady Escapes the Circus

Ok, how does a 114-pound tortoise get away? It's a tortoise! I mean, I know some tortoises can move fast, but this one obviously didn't. In 6 days, it only made it 2 miles.

They did catch him and he didn't get pasted by any cars or anything, so that's good. But...how did he manage to slowly...get...away?

YouStupidMoron

Listen, mom of Russell Gortzig. YouTube is not responsible for your kid's deciding to light himself on fire like the guy in the banana suit did on YouTube. You know who is? Russell Gortzig is, and partially, so are you.

If he didn't see it on YouTube, he would have gotten the urge to set himself on fire because of something else. Maybe he would have decided to play a rousing game of kick the flaming ball or lighter tag. Maybe he would have tried to light his farts. Or maybe he would have wanted to do something else equally stupid and dangerous. the point is he's a bit goofy, and goofy people will do goofy things, and have done them long before there was a YouTube.

And the reason you're partially responsible, mommy dearest, is because you're his mom. You need to know what he's watching on the TV and the net, and teach him that that guy in the banana suit is trained and has probably taken a precaution or two or six. If you didn't, then stop trying to blame YouTube and shoulder part of it yourself.

Steve and I have talked about this before in the context of the Victoria Lindsay story. Stupid people have done stupid things long before there was a YouTube. The difference is now there's an entity at which the victims' families feel they can direct their anger. It's wrong, but they do it anyway. It makes them feel better. But the problem is one of these days, their dear little kids are going to get another stupid idea, and it won't have come from YouTube. Then who are they going to blame?

Why Does It Keep Saying "Preheat To Channel 350"?

So if you end up in a Wal-Mart parking lot and someone offers you a 37-inch flat screen television for 100 bucks, it might just be an oven door. Just thought I'd warn ya.

Les Paul, More Dead

I'll confess, I blatantly swiped that title from aFarkheadline, but it made me laugh, I couldn't come up with a better one, and it's not like I'm the first person to ever take their material. Radio folks have been making a living doing that for years, but unlike them I'm man enough to admit it.

The music world suffered a great loss last night in the form of a man who influenced music much more than Michael Jackson did, but unfortunately won't get a quarter of the coverage. Les Paul, who essentially invented the electric guitar and multi-track recording,died yesterday at the age of 94.

Without Jackson pop wouldn't be what it is, but without Paul, music as we know it likely wouldn't exist.

We'll Give You That To Go

Whoever has it out forthis guyis certainly gaining revenge in a Vomit Comet approved manner.

Four different times, the car of the unidentified son of the unidentified man living somewhere on the 300 block of West Caracas Avenue, Derry Township, Pennsylvania, has been covered with food and nobody seems to know why.

The police report noted that the cake on the Mitsubishi Eclipse was chocolate and vanilla with sugar icing in a blue and orange color scheme. It was "very moist and fresh to the touch," the report noted.

The car's owner told police it was the fourth time the car had been attacked with food. It was twice pelted with Twinkies, he said, and once splattered with a platter of Chinese food.

I imagine when you vandalize a car with Chinese food that in an hour you need to do it again, but that doesn't explain the dessert.

Tenth Time's The Charm

After using that Nebraska safe haven law we used towrite about all the time until it was finally fixedto unload 9 of your kids because you've lost the will to be a parent, what's the next logical step? Well, if you're Gary Staton, the answer isgo out and knock up your new woman.

When he tells the story of what drove him to turn in his kids, you almost want to feel sympathy for him. I say almost because he makes it clear very quickly that he is, in fact, an unrelenting dickhead.

Staton became the single father of 10 kids — ages 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 9, 8, 5, 4 and 1 month — in February 2007 when his wife, RebelJane, died after suffering a cerebral aneurysm. The oldest child was his wife's daughter from a previous relationship that he had raised as his own.

Without his wife, Gary Staton said, the amount of work involved and the stress of raising the kids on $10.75 an hour wages were too much to handle.

“I was 100 percent sure that I couldn't last much longer doing this routine over and over, and I wanted to just walk away from it all,” he said in March, when he granted interviews to The World-Herald to share his side of the story with the public.

Aside from his oldest daughter, he said, he did not ask for help from anyone in the family. He did not seek government assistance after losing his job in September.

Poor guy...in a way.

But unfortunately, as happens so many times, there's more.

That month, he told his kids — all but the oldest, who legally was an adult — he was taking them to Creighton University Medical Center for grief counseling. When they arrived, he notified hospital staff that he was invoking Nebraska's safe haven law, which allowed parents to leave their children without facing criminal prosecution.

And with that, any good will he may have had disappears.

But just to make sure it's really gone, he continues.

In later interviews, Staton said he was not haunted by his decision.

He said he still loved his children. “I'm just so worried about trying again and failing.”

At the time, Staton said he did not want more children and would be willing to take steps to make sure he couldn't father any more.

“If I had a thousand dollars,” he said, “I'd get fixed.”

A thousand dollars? I didn't think they could transplant a conscience and a personality that cheaply.

Oh, and what has he to say about the impending arrival of his new bundle of abandonment?

The couple declined last week to discuss the pregnancy, calling it a private matter. But Staton addressed the matter briefly in an e-mail to The World-Herald.

“Do you think I'm going to raise this one alone?” he asked.

Prick.

UK Ridiculousness On Parade

Oh boy, more from the UK. Now, a pool's lane ropes were moved so that swimmers swam widths of the pool rather than lengths for health and safety reasons.

and file this under the teaspoons are dangerous files. Now, if anyone is buying anything bladed, even a pizza cutter, they have to show they're over 25. that's just dumb.

Off With Their Heads, And Then Off With Mine!

the poor, poor adoptive parents of Christopher Monks. They'll be wondering what they did wrong for a long time.

He apparently met this other guy, Shaun Skarnes, on the net, and together, they decided to kill Monks's parents. Afterwards, Skarnes would satisfy Monks by....biting off his penis? Whaaat? Yup, that's what he wanted.

Luckily, nobody died and nobody got his penis bitten off. But the Monks folks will be doing a lot of thinking about their son.

Now That's the Long Arm Of The Law

Hey there Brian Persaud, I think I've heard of a worse case than yours. Meet Tunde Clement. He was arrested, strip searched and police couldn't find any drugs on him, but they were convinced they were in him, so took him to the hospital where he was sedated and given a colonoscopy. It didn't find anything either, and Clement was given the bill.

I know why they did it, in theory. They wanted to make sure he didn't die from the drugs they thought were in him. But when they found out they were wrong, why did they make him pay for it?

Will Fourteen Be Enough, Social Services?

I'm sure Theresa Winters is giving the folks at Social Services nightmares with this statement. "For every child they take, I'll have another." It seems she has had 13 kids and they've all been taken, either when they were born or after they were 2. She's pregnant with no. 14. A whole bunch of them ended up with various disabilities. I'd never blame a mom for their kid's disabilities, but man that's a lot of problems. She still smokes even though she's pregnant. I'm sure that can't be healthy.

What a strange duck.

Hot dog!

Uh, um, erm, I beg your pardon? there is, um, erm, a sex toy for dogs? Yuck, And how exactly do you convince your dog to use it? I think the only one who will use it will be this guy.

Visitors Are Like Fish. After 3 Days, They Start To Smell...Because They're Dead

Don't overstay your welcome if you're visiting Leslie Edward Smith. He'll shoot you from close range in the chest and basically call 911 to deal with disposal.

Just listen to that 911 call. He sounds like quite the prize. "No I don't wanna help her. this is ridiculous, I just shot her!" I did have to snicker with him once though because the operator asked him if the victim was awake and he said no, and then later on she asked if the victim was alert and he said "no!" But I think a 911 dispatcher is allowed to ask a few versions of the same question to make sure she's clear on what he's saying.

Incidentally, 911 calls take forever to get a response! I know they're doing their best, but holy lord every 911 call I've ever talked about on here is sooooo long!

We've Got A Great Big Convoy, Texting Through The Night, Now My Truck's A Pool Toy, Gave Some Family A Fright

Tow truck driver Nicholas Sparks needs to take multitasking lessons from Brendon Erhardt. Was Sparks an octopus? How else could he text on one phone, talk on another one, and then still steer? Oh well, he won't be steering anymore, he slammed into a house and then His truck, along with the two vehicles he was towing and the two motorcycles on the truck's bed, plunged into a pool. Way to go there chief. Try and focus on the road next time.