The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator

Somebody sent me this I wanna say years ago and for some reason I never posted it. But we were talking about Dr. Phil a little bit on Twitter today and it and all of the stupid mindless fun associated with it popped back into my head. So if you feel like killing far more time than can possibly be healthy by clicking a button over and over again, enjoyThe Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator!

During these times of trouble and turmoil, nothing sedates a soul or stifles common sense quite like words of wisdom from Dr. Phil. In order to preserve his legacy and allow 24-hour a day access to the wit and wisdom of the Sage of our generation, MangyDog has developed The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator. Click the button as often as you need to satisfy the "inner wuss" in you.

You may be asking yourself self, why would I ever need to use something like this? The answer, my clearly lost in the dense wilderness that is life friend, is actually quite simple. We all need this. We need it because...because...well, because "you don't need pepper spray to hug somebody you wanna kill," that's why!

Turmel Turmoil

Carin posted sometruly amazing videothe other night of the great John Turmel campaigning during his run for Mayor of Brantford this year. Go watch that again, I'll wait and you'll thank me for making you. By the way, I think "Jiu-Jitsu John's gonna kick you in the nuts" may get my vote for line of the year. Kind of makes me wish my name was John, truth be told.

But anyhow, Brother Brad, who you've heard from before, lives in Brantford and actually got to meet the man in person. He was kind enough to write about the experience so that we may all live vicariously through him.

Without further delay, here's the story.

Well Hello everyone out there in Vomitland. It’s been a while since I wrote anything for the Comet, but never fear, I’m fine.

I should have written this right after it happened but I never seemed to have time.

I had just gotten on the bus to go downtown. We stopped and a guy hurled a little cart type thing on the bus, flounced in after it, paid his fare and began shouting that he was John Turmel, he was running for mayor and he wanted to pay broke students to shovel snow and do other odd jobs for old people. He came up to me, shook my hand and gave me one of his brochures. He asked me if I liked Accordion music and I said of course I did. Who doesn’t like accordion music? He then proceeded to inform me as well as anyone else who wasn’t wearing earphones that there were four concerts a month at different old folks homes around town and anyone that wanted to go was welcome.

I think he was getting on several people’s nerves because when we got down to the bus depot the inspector came charging out of the office and told him he wasn’t aloud to solicit or do whatever it was that he was doing because it was upsetting the riders. He stated in no uncertain terms that he was not soliciting, merely informing the people that he was running for mayor. The inspector said he would have to stop or he would be banned from the buses. Finally he agreed and raced off down the platform with his little cart flinging brochures in people’s faces. I don’t know what happened after that because he got on another bus. All I heard was the inspector say, “Shit, he’s doing it again!”

I don’t know how anyone else felt about that whole thing, but I must say I consider it a great honour to shake hands with a man who has single handedly lost 60-some odd elections, been arrested for campaigning in front of a high school, threatened to kick a man in the nuts and been potentially banned from the transit system for an undetermined length of time.

Keep it up John, you’re an entertaining fellow.

A Joke And A Song

The blog's been quiet today and that's not about to change. We're heading out soon for dinner, drinks, a concert and probably more food and drinks when that's over. But before we leave, I'll leave you all with this, stolen from Amanda's Twitter.

*Q: Why are there so few Irish lawyers?
A: The majority of them can't pass the bar!

Ahh, most excellent!

And here's a bit of info on the show we're going to just in case any of you happen to be around Guelph and feel like catching some live music.

Craig Cardiff, tonight at 8 PM at the Dublin Street United Church. Don't worry, we haven't suddenly gone all religious on you, quite a few events are held there. Tickets are $10 in advance (not sure if you can still get those anywhere) and $15 at the door. And just so you know what you're getting yourself into, here'sDirty Old Town,my favourite of his songs.

Talk to you all soon. Enjoy game 3 if you're watching it and who knows, maybe we'll see some of you at the show tonight.

May The Twitter Be Unbroken

It looks like I really am a loser. I broke the blog's ability to tweet to the twitter account that actually is called thevomitcomet. It's now coming to me. Apparently Feedburner allows you to *associate* your feed with multiple accounts, but you can only actually send your feed to one at a time! What the?

They o so helpfully tell you that if you want to have your feed going to multiple twitters, just make a copy of it! But they don't tell you how!

But somehow, we had accidentally created a copy of our feed a while ago, so because Steve is smart, he has now wired *it* up to his Twitter account. If it works, this post should go here and there.

Again, here goes nothin'.

Following The Loser

Ooo. I have a Twitter now. I'm @VCCarin and I feel like a total tool because I can't figure out how to write a Twitter username. Yup, I'm dumb. I will also feel like a total tool if both our Twitter accounts aren't tweeting the blog. Well, here goes nothin'.

Tweeting Is Twicky!

Earlier today, the urge struck me to tweet on our Twitter, so I did, and man that's hard! Who knew writing something in 140 characters or less would take so much effort?

An idea struck me that I thought was short enough to be tweetable, so I started to write it down. But as soon as I started writing, I could sense that constant reminder that I only had so many characters left. Suddenly it became an art. What words could I pick that would give the same idea, but use fewer characters? Will there be enough context that people reading will get the message? I was constantly checking how many characters I had left. I think, in the end, I somehow managed a tweet that hopefully made sense.

And now that I've done it, I may have been bitten by the Twitter bug. I may need my own freaking Twitter.

Aaaa! I've given in to the dark side! No, Facebook is the dark side. Like this post says, I will never get a Facebook.

Letters From Mom

I'm not sure if there's less going on where my mom works or if she's just not paying attention to the stuff that is, but over the last couple of weeks she's taken to emailing my brother and I the most ridiculously dumb jokes while she's there. Nobody else gets them, just us. And you never know when they're coming, they just appear out of the blue.

But if you've been following along for a while or skimmed the archives you know how I feel about stupid jokes, so here are the first few for your...enjoyment?

*Two snowmen are standing in a field. One looks at the other and says "yeah, you know, I smell carrots too!"

*Q: Why did the vampire have to use mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.

And my personal favourite so far:

*Two muffins were in the oven.

The one says “it’s hot in here!”

The other one says “Oh My God ! A talking muffin!”

I'll let you know if I get more. You've been warned.

Baby's First Marijuana

What is in the air in Madisonville? I guess it's pot. First, we had the video of the two-year-old putting a joint to her lips under the encouragement of her mother, and now another mom was blowing marijuana smoke into the mouths of her one, four, and seven-year-old kids.

Listen, folks, babies don't need marijuana. What they do need are good parents. It looks like Jessica Gamble, the mom of the two-year-old in the video, may be gone for a big part of her kid's life, and Valerie Cecil may disappear for a few years of her kids' lives too. What a mess.

Did Somebody Say Hey Fat Ass, Go For A Jog?

The concept of personal responsibility just had its grave pissed on again.

A court in Brazil hasordered McDonald's to pay a former franchise manager $17500 because he became obese while working there.

The 32-year-old former manager worked at McDonald's for about 12 years and says he gained 65 pounds during that time.

The man says he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high because McDonald's hired "mystery clients" to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.

The man also says the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job.

His identity was not released.

Where to begin? I know, how about by defining the wordsample.

First, as a noun:

a small part of anything or one of a number, intended to show the quality, style, or nature of the whole; specimen.

And now as a verb:

to take a sample or samples of; test or judge by a sample.

Taken together, sampling something means trying a small portion, not shovelling mountains of it into your gob on a daily basis. You don't gain 65 pounds by sampling, and you don't need to eat everything to know that it's all ok.

Moving right along,

The man also says the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job.

The key word there isoffered.

–verb (used with object)

1.

to present for acceptance or rejection; proffer: He offered me a cigarette.

2.

to propose or put forward for consideration: to offer a suggestion.

If this claim made any sense, the word that should have been used isforced.

–adjective

1.

enforced or compulsory: forced labor.

People have offered me all kinds of things, and I haven't taken nearly all of them. For example, the last time somebody said "Hey asshole! How'd you like a kick in the nuts?", I didn't take it, and I left the situation pain free. That was an offer. However, if that person had said "Hey asshole! I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!" and then did so, that would be different. That would be forcing. McDonald's offered you a free lunch, they didn't hold you down and feed it to you. They offered, you accepted. Whatever happens to you after that point is your problem...at least until courts start making stupid decisions.

McDonald's says it is considering an appeal. If it's an appeal to reason I wish them good luck, because it seems to be in hiding somewhere.

UFC And WEC Become One, Plus What's The Point Of TNA Reaction

It was announced today thatUFC and WEC are merging into one organization.I don't know how the rest of the world feels about it yet, but I couldn't be happier. If this is done right, every UFC event just became a must see, which is a nice feeling when there are so many of them. The bantamweight and featherweight divisions that WEC is known for have been responsible for some of the best fights I've ever seen, so slapping a couple of those onto every UFC card can do nothing but good.

I'm sure there are reasons why this hasn't been done before now, but I'm kind of surprised it took this long. As much as I've loved the WEC shows the last few years, it didn't make sense for Zuffa to run them as separate companies especially after they started folding divisions into the UFC a couple years ago. It would be different if they were using WEC as a showcase for fighters on their way up like Strikeforce does with the Challengers Series, but that's never really seemed to be the plan. the guys in WEC deserve the chance to fight on the big stage and make some better money, and I'm glad they're getting it. The only thing I'd suggest now is add some women's fights if the talent is out there. The talent definitely exists and a lot of it is in Strikeforce, but there has to be more where that came from.

I'm sure that there will be some talent cuts which is sad, but if you're working there now and are fighting like you're any good you probably won't have anything to worry about. UFC has always been about trying to put on the best possible fights, so unless you're putting people to sleep with your 15 minute lay on a dude and hump him clinics you're more than likely not going anywhere.

Switching gears, TNA Reaction...is it really necessary? I get why some people like the concept and I probably would to if Impact wasn't Impact. In the hands of Ring Of Honor Reaction would be an awesome idea, because Ring Of Honor's programming consists almost entirely of wrestling. After 2 hours of Impact where there's almost nothing but talking most weeks, the last thing I want to watch is another hour of talking. Maybe if most of Impact was good talking that made sense and was building to something that could possibly be cared about it would be different, but that's not going to happen until Vince Russo and anybody who thinks his ideas are anything but stupid are fired. TNA's booking is such a mess that I don't want to "pick up where Impact leaves off," because half the time I can't figure out where in hell we're supposed to be starting. Because of this I have no use for Reaction, no matter how innovative it might be.

Was He Trying To Stop Himself From Sleepwalking?

Hmmm. I think Sanford Rothman should rethink keeping a gun by his bed. He appears to be prone to sleepshooting. That would be weird. You wake up to the sound of a bang and see you have been shot in the knee. But there's nobody else home. Yikes. That whole gun by your bed as protection thing doesn't work when you have to be protected from yourself.

There's No Bottle. He'll Give You What's On Tap

Wow. Looks like we have another Michael Edwards. This one didn't bother with that whole bottle thing. He just jacked off as he went past this woman while she studied in the library, and got her right on the arm! Gross!

His name is Oritse Ayu. The way JAWS pronounces it, it sounds like his last name is Eeewww. Kinda fitting here. Apparently this isn't his first time doing this sort of thing.

Now With New Twittery Goodness

Since we have to learn Twitter for another possible project, I figured it would be handy to make a Twitter for the blog. So as of this morning I haveset loose the hotdog carts,and you can now feel free to follow@thevomitcometif you wish.

I'm still getting things all figured out which could take a while because I'm slow, but it's mostly working I think. I've got it set up to tweet new posts from here, so it's got that going for it.

Amazingly I already had 2 followers before I'd even said anything. I'm not sure if that's good or not, but I have them at least until they start spamming me.

And I can't end this post without mentioning something I find odd. All of your tweets have to be a max of 140 characters, but your biography can be 160. Why is that? What's so special and important about the extra 20?

So again, follow@thevomitcomet,tell your friends to follow it, and feel free to drop me a line there. Oh, and if you're good withQwitter,talk to me. I'm getting the hang of it, but man, it's a lot to learn.

John Turmel Video Gold!

Remember back when Steve talked about John Turmel? Remember how he described him as "completely fucking insane and much too awesome for words"? Well, here's some video of his insanity. Steve, you finally got your wish. There is video. It's video of Brantford, and of him getting arrested during his mayoral campaign, which is yet another one in a long line of losses. But it's video nonetheless.

Ya know, bus bucks isn't such a bad idea. He probably has some other decent ideas. But they won't make it because he's just, well, John Turmel.

You've Got The Eyes Of A Nutbar

Remember when I laughed at Oklahoma's ban on tattooing the whites of the eyes because who would put needles in their eyes? Well, a dude in Oregon went and tattooed his own eyeballs! Yup, poked a needle in his eye and shot ink in there. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow are you a fool? Ow ow ow ow ow ow *do I have something in my eye?* Ow ow ow ow!

Hopefully Matt Gone won't become Matt Gone Blind.

Congratulations, A-Rod!

A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

Enjoy the game tonight, and go Giants!

Give Me All Your Money Or I'll...Liven You Up With A Rich Creamy Taste!

Wow. Now robbers are using bottles of dressing as weapons, and not even bottles of dressing they brought with them. They just grab one off the store shelf and hold it like a gun. Too bad the person who he aimed the dressing at had an actual gun.

I did have to chuckle that the place where the owner pulled a gun was called the "Friendly Way"

Go Beep Yourself. You Might Just Like It

I'm not sure how widespread this sentiment is or will become, but based onthis letter to the editor in the Guelph Tribune todaytalking about how horrible and evil they are andthe editorial in that same papersuggesting that the newbeeping ballot boxes used in this electionmay upset people, it definitely exists.

A lot of the complaining seems to centre around the idea that the second chance option that allows people to fix things if the machine detects markings which could lead to a spoiled ballot takes away a person's right to a secret vote. The theory goes that if the machine beeps at you for not voting in all categories or the allowable number of times in each or even spoiling your ballot by accident or intentionally, you'll feel singled out and like you've been denied your right to vote privately, as you choose.

Allow me, if I may, to rip this argument a new one.

First of all, I've never quite understood the point of spoiling your ballot on purpose. The vote is secret, so logically that means that nobody knows who you are or why you did what you did. Are you silently rebelling against some thing or other, or are you a knuckle dragging imbecile who can't figure out the complexities of the letter X? Nobody knows. Spoiling your ballot as a form of protest has always struck me as one of those things that only makes sense if a whole bunch of people do it in an organized fashion and publicize the reason beforehand.

But more importantly, don't talk to me about being deprived of your secret vote until you've walked a few miles to a few voting stations in my shoes, my friends. What's less secretive than being told you have to rely on a friend or family member to vote on your behalf? What's less secretive than having to get a clerk to help you fill out your ballot because there's no accessible means of doing so? What's less secretive than having a poll worker line up that next to useless contraption with the Braille numbers on it over your ballot, reading you the candidates off of another one and then watching as you make what you hope is a legible mark in what you hope to Christ is the right spot? That's how blind people have been forced to vote for years, and I'm sure it used to be even worse before my time. Go ahead and spoil all the ballots you want, but think first about how gutted you'd feel walking out of the polls not knowing if your voice had been heard. That's me in all but 2 elections...ever. Before this Guelph Audio voting business came along in 2006, I'd have killed for a second chance option. It would have been the only way I had to make sure that my vote would count, that I hadn't just wasted my ballot or worse yet, voted for the wrong person because the thingie moved or the helpful voting lady was a little less than honest.

There's also the idea that the extra few seconds it takes for the machine to do its thing could slow down voting and lead to long, annoying lines.

Again, tell it to somebody else.

It took me 15 minutes to vote yesterday, and that was after a 20 minute walk and a 20 minute wait while Carin took her 15 minutes on the only audio machine they had. Then there was the 20 minute walk back home. but you know what? I was happy to do it, because it's pretty goddamn liberating to know that you're going to be able to vote independently, no matter how long it takes. and during my waiting and voting time, I got to see that process in action, and when I said the few extra seconds, that's literally all it takes. The machine looks at your ballot, it either checks out or it doesn't, the worker lets you know there's a problem and asks if you meant to do that or would like a chance to fix it, you say yes or no, and that's the end of it. It doesn't say "Excuse me, voter number 2731-3x2m, you have errored by voting for the hockey referee instead of the business man, please repeat.", it just makes sure that you've made the choice you wanted to make. Again, I'd have committed a homicide to have such a luxury, and it slows down nothing. Voting yesterday took up nearly 2 hours of my life, so I have 0 minutes of time to listen to somebody bitch about standing in line for 5 or 10 more minutes.

Rather than dwell on what you think these new ballot boxes are taking away from you, take some time to consider what they're giving not only to you, but to those of us that they actually go a long way towards empowering. They aren't taking away your rights, they're giving me mine. You have the same rights you've always had while mine are enhanced. I don't understand how that can be seen as anything but a win win.

Slip, Drop And Die

Usually the punishment for burglary isn't death, but for Donald Zakrzewski, that was the punishment he brought on himself.

The story goes that he broke into a house, and stole some jewellery and electronics. As he was finishing up, the homeowner came home, so he made a break for it. There he was, running through the night, and he decided to climb a giant chain-link fense. What he climbed into was the grounds of a quarry.

He was runnin' runnin' runnin' through the woods, when suddenly, he was freeee, free-fallin'. Our hero ran right off a cliff.

Quarry workers found him in the morning, pockets full of jewellery and a bag of electronics nearby. Yup I'd say that case is closed. But one other item they found nearby was a flashlight. Was he not using it to light his way through the dark? Maybe if he had, he wouldn't be dead today.

Ya know, this is a terrible thing to say, but looking at his criminal record, I can't imagine his death being a great loss.

Find The Bad Parent. Good Boy!

Here's a sure-fire way to make kids hate and mistrust their parents.

There is now a service out there that will allow anyone to rent a drug-sniffing dog. For $200 an hour, the service will bring a drug-sniffing canine over to your house. Think little Johnny has some pot? Bring over Ruphus and let him sniff around a while.

Or, how about being a parent and talking to your kids? There's a novel idea. And hey, while you're at it, you can even foster something called trust!

If when I was a kid my parents thought I was doing drugs, and before even trying to talk it out with me, they brought in a dog to sniff out my room, I'd be pretty upset. I think I would lose one hell of a lot of respect for my folks and it would shake my feelings of safety in the world. It might be one thing if after they found some drugs, they decided I need some words with a cop. But this sounds like the type of thing a parent would do before even taking those first steps of, ya know, being a parent.

I love this quote.

"I know that when my kids were growing up, every once in a while I'd have liked to know what they were doing," says Wills, who's having her own Labrador-mix, Heidi, trained to become a drug-detection dog. "The need is there. The desire is there."

I know when I was growing up, mom knew what we were doing. A few times, we'd tell her things later that she didn't know about, but for the most part, nothing slipped by her. In fact, I found her once sort of figuring out what was going on with dad. It wasn't like she was spying, she would just notice clues that he didn't even realize he was leaving. She used her ears and her powers of observation. She didn't need a drug-sniffing dog.

What a sad statement.

We Weren't The Only Ones Who Thought The Audio Voting Was Cool

This letter to the editor that ended up in the Guelph Mercury blog is a shining example of what I should have written 4 years ago when we first encountered the audio voting. I have to repeatedly ask myself why I didn't send such a thing. It's one thing to post here, but it's another to get my thoughts in the paper, and I've never been afraid to do that, so why didn't I do that then?

Is that really the Jim Sanders who used to be head of CNIB Jim Sanders? Woe. He lives in Guelph! Interesting!

Thanks Jim for saying what I should have said years ago.

Not Everybody's As Cool As Guelph

Wow! While I was busy raving about how awesome our voting process was, Jen, who often sends us ideas and stuff was having one hell of a horrible experience while voting in Hamilton's municipal election. Here is what she said happened to her.

Well in the first place they didn't have the accessible machines available on election day so I had to go to an advance poll. 

Once I got there the machine was a screen that you could touch. 

There was a keypad but the audio wouldn't work. 

The polling clerk tried to set it straight and with no success she called the head dude. 

He said he'd be there but couldn't say when. 

I waited a bit but when noone came she was like well you can go to your poll or I can help you do it now. 

I could have gone to my poll but there would have been no machine.  I said well I'm here now and want to vote so since she was good about helping I said ok. 

I asked if although the voice didn't work if she read me the info could I press 1 2 or 3 on the keypad to enter my choice. 

She said I had to use the screen and that the keypad was only for changing the audio settings. 

I asked why they were not available at all polling stations and she was like we don't have enough machines and it would take to much time to have them everywhere on election day.

That's just bull. I know that in a lot of municipalities they're only available on advance polls, but they should at least a. be available at every polling place that has advance polls, and b. all staff should be trained on how to use it so shit like that doesn't happen.

Just disgusting. I hope she raises some hell over that. And I hope she keeps us informed on what happens. Jen, don't give up. Scream and fight, fight and scream.

The Results Are In

Some quick results/observations on a few of the Guelph election races:

• Karen Farbridge won another term as Mayor, beating David Birtwistle by around 4300 votes. I'm fine with this. Nothing is ever perfect, but for the most part I'm happy with how the city has been run since she came back in 2006. If I could ask one favour though it would be please do everything in your power to not repeat the no transit on Sunday's in the summer fiasco again. I didn't think it was fair that people started calling the service cuts Karen days, but at the same time I think there maybe could have been a harder line taken against unions and anyone else concerned to prevent that from happening. The cry in this city is that we want people to use the transit system and look at it as a convenient option, but it's not very convenient when all the buses are parked when we could really use 'em, is it? Transit and garbage collection are essential services that should never be touched. All over this city there are people who can't or don't drive for whatever reason, and it's just plain wrong to take the best, sometimes only transportation option they have away from them.
• Ray Mitchell, friend of the comments section, pulled in 1182 votes. Not too shabby for a guy nobody was going to vote for. I'd be really interested to see what would happen if he decided to run again. He got much more support than he expected going into this election, and name recognition is a funny thing. I'm not sure if he could ever win, but even if he doesn't, races need people like him to make things interesting, especially when those people have the potential to take a solid number of votes away from the ones at the top.
• Speaking of name recognition, Andy Van Hellemond is now one of our Ward 2 councillors. Yes,that Andy Van Hellemond.I'll admit that I didn't follow a lot of the Ward races outside of where I was voting as closely as perhaps I should have, but what I've read and seen has me somewhat sure that he won based on being who he is and not what he stands for. What exactly does he stand for, anyway? That's a serious question. I guess time will tell what he brings to the table. Please, just don't let what he brings to the table be 4 years worth of shitty, supposedly clever hockey-related references in every goddamn news article that will be written about him. Listen media: I know you love doing that stuff, but 9 times out of 10 you're really bad at it and it's sad. Leave the humour to those of us with a sense of it. Thanks.
• Nothing changed in Ward 3, where Carin and I live. Maggie Laidlaw (2,296 votes) and June Hofland (2,202 votes) were both re-elected easily. I didn't vote for Maggie this time, but I'm mostly ok with her coming back and pretty much expected it. The thing is that between thecage-free egg nonsense last yearand her position on and handling of herself during the downtown roundabout issue, she lost me. she didn't even have the courtesy to respond to Carin's roundabout letter even though the 2 don't agree. It's a lot easier to respect somebody who can coherently state a position you disagree with than it is a person who ignores you completely, then acts like a bit of a baby during the meetings.
• And on the subject of things that kinda suck, word is that voter turnout was down from 2006. It was 33.9%, 6% off the previous mark. Way to go Guelph, especially at a time when some places are reporting higher numbers.
• There wasn't a lot of changes to the way things have been for the last 4 years, but there are a few new faces on Council. One of the things that a lot of people remark on is how little fighting and dysfunction there's been with the current group as opposed to the previous one. With the new folks on the way in it'll be interesting to see if that continues. I'm hoping it does, because we need things accomplished, not politicians yelling at each other while the city crumbles.

Our Voting Experience

I meant to write this post earlier, but I got hit by a wave of tiredness. Yes, I know part of the reason for the tiredness is me being a toolbag and playing Uno until 3 in the morning last night. Not smart at all.

I just had to write about our experience voting because it was awesome. I know to most people, they would read this and go "Yeah? So what!" But to us, it was pretty special.

Steve and I headed off down to the high school that I'd talked about scoping out. For the most part, the sidewalks were perfect. We only had to walk through one part where there was only sand. The funniest thing that happened to us happened when we got there. Trekker said we were at the school, so I turned down a driveway and told Trix to find inside. What she found looked like a strange door, but what do I know? Suddenly a voice said "No! You can't come into the auto shop!" Oh! Oops. Is this even the high school? It was, we were just at the auto shop. The guy first started pointing, but then told us to walk up and make a left. We made a left too soon, and he saw us, and sent a student to rescue us. Oops.

But once we got to the polling station, everything went smoother...except the polling folks said we were the first people they'd had who requested the audio voting. But they were very cool about it and looked up in their manuals how exactly they were supposed to do that. They scared the bejeebers out of Steve though, because as they were taking me over to vote, they kept insisting that they needed Steve to stay right there, while they conferred with each other and leafed through the manual. He was wondering when the handcuffs were going to come out, or something.

We still don't know why they wanted him to stay right there, but once they figured out the audio, things went perfectly. The woman kept asking us if we wanted to do this because it would take 35-40 minutes for each of us. That turned out to be a pile of hooey, because we each did it in about 10 or 15 minutes. But that's what they were trained was the time it would take, so you can't blame them for saying that.

I swear that last time we pressed the thumb switch, the button was somewhat more responsive, and made a little click along with the beep. This time, you had to push, push, pushpushpush on the button. But I don't care. I voted, I confirmed, I did it myself, I don't care if I had to smash the button a little. I think anyone with dexterity issues could have managed. It just felt a little like I was playing space-invaders, because I felt I had to rapid fire push on it.

One observation I made while I was playing my little voting video game. My god a lot of people didn't know how to properly fill out their ballots. How it works if you mark your x in a conventional way is you make your mark with the marker they provide, and then they scan your ballot into the machine. This year, the machine has been programmed with a second chance option that will warn you if you've voted for too many candidates, not enough of them, or if there's a mark it can't understand. Nearly everyone who approached the machine to have their ballots scanned while I was voting set off the error beeps.

Some people said they intentionally didn't vote for schoolboard trustees, for example. But when some people figured out they could have voted for more people, and actually didn't know that was possible, and the clerk asked them if they'd like to complete their ballot, they said "na, that's ok." Excuse me? You're choosing to under-exercise your right to vote just out of sheer laziness? Weird.

It's getting to be a smaller and smaller world. I knew two of the people who were working the polling station. One works at the River Run Centre, and one was my very first psych prof, who seemed like a very scary man, but who ended up to be super good and accommodating to me. He still says hello to me on the street.

So we voted, and it's looking like Ray Mitchell's getting quite a few votes. I'm not sure if everything's in, but Ray, you have quite a following.

So...did you vote? I hope so.

Go To The Carnival!

Woohoo! the Assistance Dog blog carnivalis alive! So, go read stuff, hop around, check out other blogs, stuff like that.

Once I've done voting, I'm going to have a lot of reading to do.

Fall From Grace And From A Cliff Face

I read this story first, but had to write easier stuff before I came back for it.

Jason Michael Carlsen is suing Bethel Bible School students Sarah Elisabeth Koivumaki and Zachary
Gudelunas, and if things went down the way he and the Redding police say they did, he should.

The story goes that after a night of drinking, Carlsen fell, or was pushed, off a 200-foot cliff, and instead of calling for help, his two drinking buddies contemplated their situation for several hours and tried to heal him from afar. They also worked to remove evidence that they were there. They seemed more concerned with how they could prevent being kicked out of the bible school for drinking than saving the guy's life. I would think leaving someone for dead would be a fine reason to kick someone out of a bible school. As a result of the events of that night, Carlsen is a paraplegic, and had to have a piece of his skull removed to relieve the pressure on his brain. He had to stay that way for two months. I'm not a doctor, but I'm sure if he had been rescued immediately, his injuries may not have been nearly as severe. Oh I'm sure he would have been in pretty rough shape, but it might not have been as bad.

But what makes this story especially dumb is before the fall, or push, Koivumaki just talked about how her brother had died from falling off a cliff. You'd think, considering how drunk Carlsen was, that they may have wanted to get a bit away from the cliff. No no no, let's dangle our feet over the edge.

What an odd bible school Bethel is. I don't think I'd want to live in that town. I'd probably be accosted by more obnoxious religious folk trying to heal me than I'd like.

Carlsen may have been a prick, but it appears he was certainly in similar company. He didn't deserve that kind of neglect. I hope he wins the suit.

The Kids Don't Need That Anatomy Lesson That Early On

Wow. What a prize. After getting involved in an argument about where she should drop off the kid she was driving to school, a woman told others, and showed them, what they should kiss. Kids saw it and were asking their parents what that woman was doing, and commenting that it was gross.

Real classy, lady!

Don't Those Flashing Blue Lights Just Mean It's Open For Business?

Ongley Raymond Ocon III needs to seriously lay off the booze. If he's so drunk that he can't tell the difference between a cab and a marked police cruiser, he's had too much. Or maybe he should lay off the booze when combined with the cocaine.

Remember To Vote Today

Not much to say here, just posting to point out that for many of us, today is municipal election day. If you didn't do so in advance and aren't already lined up or planning to be on your way, you really should get out and vote. I know a lot of people don't think that local elections are important, but quite simply, those people are morons. You have to live in your town just like you have to live in your province/state/country, and the decisions your representatives make will have lord knows what impact on your quality of life. I'll be hiking my hung over ass down to my polling station shortly, just as soon as I eat some breakfast and get the ham in the slow cooker.

And don't forget that Guelph and I assume other cities as well are offering audio voting, so if voting on paper is a pain in your ass for some reason, that excuse is gone now.

Just go vote, goddammit!

I'd Like To Report A Dumbass

Hey there Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa. If your car is stolen while you're in the process of burglarizing condos, reporting your car stolen probably isn't the best idea.

Put That Teaching Tool Away

Wow. I can't decide if this miserable attempt at an explanation for what happened is worse than the guy who said he touched the little girl because he was too blind to see who she was, or the guy who flashes people walking alone to show them how vulnerable they are.

Bryan Hearron said the reason he repeatedly molested the nine-year-old girl whose mother was dating him was to show her what kind of bad things could happen at the hands of sex offenders. And the other guy who was living in this house turned hell hole said that the child porn DVD's found in his dresser drawer were planted there by Hearron and the spineless excuse for a woman who is the child's mother.

This whole thing is just disgusting. Those poor kids. I hope they can find safety and heal.

Did He Also Go By The Name Agent 86?

It appears that the person most dangerous to Jos Lawrence Potvin was Jos Lawrence Potvin. If you're going to set up a booby trap to protect your home that would cause a shotgun to go off if someone steps on the string, remember where you put the string, or otherwise, the person who sets it off may be you.

Ever consider a burglar alarm?

So I guess The Drugs Did Their Job?

A little heads up, courtesy of sprinter LaShawn Merritt. Something you should not say after being banned from athletic competition for taking penis-enlargement drugs:

“To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product that I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around,”

Your hands? Well, maybe, if you took too much of that stuff.

What The Buck?

Judging from this article describing Principal Andrew Buck's stance on textbooks, er, text books, every single family should withdraw their children from the Middle School for Art and Philosophy. I think they could find another school. here is an image of the letter. I cannot find a copy that I can put through OCR so we can have the text in all its glory. Luckily for us, there are a few quoted pieces to give us a general idea of how bad it was.

"Text books are the soup de jour, the sine qua non, the nut and bolts of teaching and learning in high school and college so to speak,"

...

"[J]ust because student have a text book, doesn't mean she or she will be able to read it . . . Additionally students can't use a text book to learn how to learn from a textbook..."

Um, eek? This failure pile in an email was sent out in response to parents and teachers being upset that there were no textbooks. Hmmm. I think they have made their case that they need the books.

I love this description of the letter, written by an English teacher who obviously knows of what he speaks.

"The grammar is horrible. The logic is tortured. I can't figure out what he's trying to say," said Ettman, who gave the letter a grade of F.

But it sounds like Andrew Buck's issues go deeper than that one memo. He was rated not trustworthy by all the teachers working under him. Wow!

If Buck isn't made to make a speedy exit out of his position of principal, that school is in trouble...hope they're not too attached to it.

I Got The World Series I Wanted

I'm not entirely prepared to say that I'm not ascursedas originally feared, but a Giants Rangers World Series is a positive step in that direction. The Giants were the only team to survive my good will from beginning to end, and the Rangers, who became my favourite baseball team by virtue of simply playing the Yankees, made that team look pretty bad for the most part. They didn't look Atlanta Braves 1 guy makes 3 errors in a single game bad, but they certainly didn't look like a team worth a couple hundred million dollars.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this year's World Series, and it has everything to do with it being devoid of Yankees and Phillies. I know that overnight goober on ESPN radio would passionately disagree with me because who wants to see that and good luck selling advertising for games without major teams playing, but he's a goober and I don't care what he thinks. I like it when things don't go according to plans, and if you had asked just about anybody at the start of the year who would be fighting it out come World Series time, nobody would have predicted this. By the way, is there a rule that you have to be a total obnoxious boob to be an American sports radio personality? Sure seems that way at least if you'd like a show on ESPN or worse yet, Fox. A station around here carries that on the overnights and weekend evenings and it's damn near unlistenable. It's even worse than Andrew Krystal on the Fan 590. Who's bright idea was that, anyway?

I guess all that's left to do now is pick a side and hope that doing so won't doom it. So ok, here goes. Come Wednesday and beyond, I'll be rooting for the Giants. The decision is easy. How can you not cheer for a team that has Tim Lincecum, cody Ross who turned out to be one hell of a pick-up much to everybody's surprise, Buster Posey and Pablo Sandoval on it? Besides, I still haven't forgiven the Rangers for beating the Jays on opening day, so they aren't getting my support when it's up for grabs.

In closing, come on Wednesday, go Giants, and enjoy what's left of baseball, everybody. Oh, and fuck the Yankees, just because.

Their Scheme Faded Just Like The Ink

If only we'd had a blog back in 1996. If we had, this story of two teenagers trying to write bad cheques in invisible ink would be so up here. But then again, I didn't even have an email address in 1996, and the word blog didn't exist. But this appeared in Snopes yesterday and I had to chuckle.

I guess Jeffrey J. Pyrcioch and Heather M. Green thought they were pure geniuses. They would write cheques to people in what looked like completely legible ink, but the ink would fade by the time the person got to the bank making the cheques unreadable, mouhahahaha!

There were two problems with this little plan. First, the ink may have seemed invisible to the naked eye, but crime labs have ways of making disappearing ink reappear. Also, pens make marks on cheques that can be found. But the bigger problem was the cheques were pre-printed with Pyrcioch's name and account number. Um, uh, now they're in trouble.

Needless to say, the scheme didn't work and they got themselves some fraud and theft charges.

Ah, laughing at dumb criminals never gets old.

An Alternative Flash Player Updater Update

Hmmm. I can see many long-winded titles in my future.

Well, Mr. wecode.biz is very very fast on the email! I've already got a response, and it appears I was unfair to the poor fellow.

Somehow, when the dialog was written, the don't install and install buttons have been rendered completely screenreader-invisible. So all I see is back, next, and cancel. So of course it appeared to me that he was foisting software. But if you click next without choosing one of these buttons, it yelps "Please select an option." But I can't select an option. If only I could!

He was absolutely mortified that the thing might possibly be forcing software on folks, and wanted screenshots. I sent a screenshot and explained the blind guy thing. Hopefully he understands.

There is hope! With any luck, we'll have a solution shortly.

Be Careful Of Alternative Flash Player Updater 1.0.0.3

Edit: It appears the programmer isn't so bad. It is a problem between the layout of the dialog and screenreaders. See this post. Although I stand by what I said in a general sense, forcing software on folks is not what he's all about. For once, I'm very happy to say I was wrong.

Why is it that, in the software department, I'm often late to the party? By the time I get there, the software becomes uncool or doesn't offer what it should. This happened to me with MSN Messenger years ago. I got it because I heard you could make free phone calls on it. But as soon as I tried to make a phone call, they had changed their policy and you had to pay. It ended up being ok, but I missed the boat on that one.

It has happened to me again with a free little program called Alternative Flash Player Updater. It's a cool idea. If you have trouble with the Adobe site and the Adobe Download Manager, this little program will do it in a much easier fashion. You still have to deal with the button i button q button installer, but once you sort of know what to do, that isn't so bad.

But yesterday, my enjoyment of this program came to an immediate halt when it asked me to update from 1.0.0.2 to 1.0.0.3. I thought sure I could do that, so went and got the update. I started to install it, and suddenly I found myself looking at a dialog stating in no uncertain terms that I was also going to install Spyware Terminator. There was no yes/no option. I was getting the updater *and* this other program or nothing at all. I chose nothing at all, went into the version of the program that was already installed, and unchecked the box that would allow it to check for program updates.

Since I got version 1.0.0.2 from Whitestick's downloads page, a place where you can usually trust that you're going to get programs free of other programs unceremoniously tagging along, I emailed the webmaster and told him about this new development. He tested it, and he too got asked to install an extra program called Snagit. He was not a happy man.

I know that free programs have to pay for themselves somehow, but this ain't it. Set up a donate page. Make some of the cooler features paid. Do not force me to download other software. You can bundle it with the program, but give me a choice as to whether it's going in or not. Even Adobe Flash does that with the Google toolbar. When you start acting in a less scrupulous fashion than the program you're providing an alternative installer for, it's not good.

I also don't think it does good things for the companies whose software you're foisting. I looked up Snagit, and it's made by what I think is a legitimate company. I don't think they want their software packages to be viewed as slimy software who can only get in by coming through the back door.

I was so upset by this that I emailed the developer of Alternative Flash Player Updater. Here's what I said.

Hello. I just found out about your alternative flash player updater, which I think is a great idea, since for some reason, my Firefox and the Flash download page have a conflict and I don't know why.

But what I find sad is your recent decision to bundle software with the updater and give the user no means of opting out. I tried to update to version 1.0.0.3, and during the install, a dialog appeared saying that Spyware Terminator was going in as well, and there was no option to choose not to install the program. I immediately cancelled the install. I already have anti-spyware programs, I do not need another one. Someone else said they were being ordered to install Snagit as well. This person is blind and has no use for a screen capturing program.

But the issue for me is not the extra software being unnecessary, it's the lack of choice I'm being given about whether it will be installed or not. This is a dirty way to go. If you're going to try and bundle software with your program, at least give the user a choice not to install the additional software. If you don't give the choice, a savvy user will not install your software either. I don't need it that badly to install additional unwanted software.

I hope you will take this feedback into account the next time you modify your program. I would hate to have to stop using it over this, but I will if I have to. I have already disabled the program's ability to check for its own updates.

Carin Headrick

If you feel similarly inclined, email admin{at}wecode.biz and express your concerns, but of course fix the {at} part, silly. I did that because that's how he wrote his email address on his own site. I could have written his address correctly, opening him up to spam the same way he foists software on the users of his program, but I decided to take the high road.

So, for now, if you installed the program and don't want extra unwanted software, go into the settings tab and uncheck the box that says check for available program updates at start. That should stop the problem. If you haven't installed the program and now are kind of interested, be sure to download the version available at Whitestick. It doesn't force things on you.

If I get a response, I'll put it up here. This could be interesting.

Hunting For Hope For Hunter Scott's Family

The family of Hunter Scott had better set up a PO box for the birthday cards. Do it before it's too late. If you don't, well, you'll feel like the other families with whom you share this tag. Please, please do that. There may be still time since your address wasn't stuck in the email.

Doing A Little Research

I've mentioned sometimes that I'm on the Guelph Barrier-Free Committees, and sometimes I've plugged events we've put on. We're right in the middle of another project, so I figured I'd plug it here. I never know who reads, so I might as well use anything I've got to spread the word. Here's the little blurb.

The Guelph Barrier-Free Committees raises awareness and works to remove barriers for people with disabilities around the city. Our focus is on private businesses, and our hope is that living in Guelph will become a more accessible experience for all. 

One of our current projects is finding out what supports are available to help people with disabilities participate in recreation and identifying what is lacking. Since our focus is activities not run by the city, we are asking about recreation provided by gyms, churches and clubs, etc.  

We are wondering what people with all kinds of disabilities wish they had available to them within the city limits in terms of recreation. Are you looking for sledge hockey? What about wheelchair basketball? How about Goalball or curling? These are just a few examples to get your thinking process going. We also are interested in knowing what barriers people with disabilities have encountered in participating in sports and other recreational activities. 

Feel free to email me at
headrick2001@rogers.com
with any feedback, and feel free to distribute this message to anyone else who you think might be interested. Thank you. 

Carin Headrick

Holy Expensive Bible!

Here's one for all the people who have tried to heal me.

Many times, during conversations where super-religious folk tell me I can be saved, or invite me to some kind of healing service, they ask me if a braille bible exists. Well, I'm here to say the answer is yes...if you can afford it.

I was poking around on The Braille Superstore's website, and typed bible into their search box just for curiosity's sake, and boy oh boy did I find a lot of bibles.

Where should I begin? Well, you can get the Holy Bible in grade 2 braille for $661.53, or if you can't read Grade 2 Braille, you can get the Grade 1 Braille version for $856.41.

If you're catholic, the Roman Catholic bible in Grade 2 Braille is $728.20, and it's $939.49 in Grade 1.

Nope, You're not losin' it. That's the cost of getting the whole bible in braille, and that's the price set by a store that sells things at a reasonable price! It says on the main bible page that the bible is 36 volumes in Grade 2 Braille. I would have expected it to have been more, since the old Webster's dictionary was 37 volumes. But what do I know?

So, the next time you get asked if there's a bible in braille, send the person here and they'll have their answer, and then they'll probably faint, and not just at the sight of the cost of the bible.

The Truth Will Send You To Jail

I guess Efe Moniedafe thought there was no way to beat a polygraph test, and thought it was best to tell the truth. So, during a job interview at US Customs, when asked about his hobbies, he said collecting child pornography was a hobby that he found fun. This raised quite a few red flags, and caused an investigation to end with a couple of child porn-laiden computers being taken away.

I have to wonder something though. Did he tell the truth because of the reason I gave above, or is he so warped that he thought that was an acceptable answer?

Either way, I'm glad he's not guarding the US border.

That's Hot Stuff!

Hey Steve, Wanna try out The Steak 'n Shake mentioned in this story? Although I have a feeling it may be too late.

According to the story, the Gann family, mom, dad, and their son, went out to eat there. A server asked the kid if he wanted hot sauce with his chili. He said yes. What he brought him was something called Blair’s Mega Death Sauce, and apparently it's so hot that the kid had to go to the hospital!

After ingesting the chili mixed with the hot sauce, the child began suffering a severe physical reaction and was rushed to SkyRidge Medical Center for treatment. The minor reportedly broke out in hives and had difficulty breathing and suffered severe pain and inflammation of his digestive system, including his mouth and throat.

Just imagine the, um, unrest as the hot stuff made its way out the other end. Now, they're suing because the server didn't warn them about the stuff and encouraged the kid to have bunches of it.

Steve, I wonder how Blair’s Mega Death Sauce compares with that "Ass in Space" stuff they brought you at Sid's when you scared them by eating all those crazy hot wings. Apparently, the stuff in this story is 500 times hotter than a jalapeno.

Get Off The Drugs, They're Rotting Your Brain!

So here's a tip. If you buy some weed, and when you smoke it, you think it tastes funny, just stop smoking it. Maybe realize that you wasted that money and throw it away. But don't call the cops and ask if they could check if it's pot. They'll check it for you, but even if it isn't pot, you will get charged with something.

Those cops must have been snickering all the way to the door. They deserve a medal for refraining from laughing their asses off during this whole exchange.

Halloween Charity Dog Walk

Here's some info about an upcoming charity dog walk put on by Guelph Animal Hospital, which just happens to be Trixie's vet clinic. I don't know if I'll go or not, part of me wants to, but here's the info for anyone else interested.

Join Us!  

On Sunday, October 31st at 11:00am,

Guelph Animal Hospital will be hosting our ‘Fundraise for Farley’ Halloween Dog Walk!  

This 5km walk will depart from the parking lot of Guelph Animal Hospital, travel down the beautiful Speed River Trails, and loop around to end back at the clinic.  Clients and their pets are encouraged to dress up in Halloween costumes and participate in this great event.  Come out for the exercise, to meet other clients, for dog socialization, to support a great cause…join us! 

The Farley Foundation is a charitable organization established in 2001 by the Ontario Veterinary Medical Association (OVMA) to assist low-income seniors, disabled individuals and women at risk of abuse by subsidizing necessary veterinary care for their pets.  Guelph Animal Hospital has set a goal of $1000 to help Farley this year…join us in reaching our goal!  

Join us if you have a dog.  Join us if you don’t have a dog.  Join us with your family.  Join us with your friends.  Join us by yourself. 

Just Join Us!  

$5 suggested donation to the Farley Foundation.

Ample Parking Available.

Sunday October 31st, 2010 at 11:00am.  

Visit:
www.guelphvet.com
for more details.

Push Faster! Faster!

Can you imagine witnessing this jewellery store robbery?

Security camera footage shows 44-year-old Noemi Duchene and 45-year-old Luis Del Castillo arrive outside of Estate & New Jewelry late Tuesday morning with Del Castillo pushing Duchene in her wheelchair.

Duchene then gets out of her chair, covers her head and upper body with a large black trash bag and enters the jewelry store while Del Castillo waits with the chair.

Once inside Duchene pulls a kitchen knife and demands "everything".

Store owner Linda Bradely decided not to comply and drew a stun gun in response.

"We're chasing each other around like keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick."

A store customer eventually tackled Duchene and held her until police arrived.

Seriously? I don't know what it is about the story, but the image of a chick getting out of her wheelchair and trying to rob a place and only having the chair as a getaway is a funny one. Did she think that would actually work? I guess she didn't have far to go, but still. And Was she hoping for the geezer bandit approach? And what's up with the second person covering their face with a trash bag to rob a place in a week? Plastic bags don't go on heads!

The Exploding Pen Certainly Is Mightier Than The Sword

Jessie Bauguess's whole family sounds screwed up. What a sad bunch.

It all started to unravel when Jessie Bauguess brought an exploding pen to school. His grandmother says it was a prank, but it sent a kid to the hospital with burns to his hands and fragments of the pen going into his chest and arms. Nice prank.

But just look at the whole family. Bauguess had been storing explosives at the house, and nobody had any idea. They also didn't seem to know why he'd been kicked out of another school, although others are saying it was because he had maps of the school and sketches of explosive devices. His brother also got arrested, we don't know why, and mommy dearest had to turn herself in. Papa is trying to raise money to retain a defense lawyer for Jessie but can't. Oh man what a mess.

Is it wrong that I chuckle that the grandmother says everything was *blown* way out of proportion? Hahahahaha I'm easily amused.

A Positive Meetupdate

Woohoo, I have a positive update to the Meetup saga. Now, they want to know my system's specs, and for some reason they want screenshots. I really don't know what screenshots will do, but they shall have them.

The last tech support dude, who I think was also the last tech support dude to do something cool, also was talking about taking things to the developer team. Now that, that be a sliver of hope! I'm just asking him what resolution he needs in the shots.

I can't promise they'll be of the right part of the screen, but one can hope and pray. But at least they're working *with* me.

This could be a step in the right direction.

I Was Just Trying To Keep The Cops On Their Tows

I have to give Oneil N. Swaby a few points for creativity, and I also have to wonder how it is that more people haven't thought ofthis.And yes, because it's kind of stupid is a fair answer.

According to a release from Hillside police Lt. Vincent Ricciardi, Oneil N. Swaby, 21, first tried to steal a blue 1998 Acura Integra Wednesday morning from the parking lot of a Long Avenue convenience store. When the attempt failed, Swaby, posing as the vehicle’s owner, called a tow truck to have the car transported to his Irvington residence.

It didn't take long for police to find him and his new car at said Irvington residence, and he now resides at the Union County Jail until somebody comes up with the $20,000 required to tow him home.

I'm Just Passing On What I've Read, So Please, Don't Shank The Messenger

I really appreciate it when people like Faribah Maradiaga make my job here easy for me. I say I appreciate her because if I just launch straight into the mockery I might get myselfstabbed,much like her anger management classmate.

Maradiaga walked into a classroom on the Bellevue College campus, where a court services agency rents space for the anger management class, around 9 a.m. Saturday while a video on anger management was being shown, according to the charges. Maradiaga started complaining about the movie and disrupting the class, according to the documents, when the victim told Maradiaga "the video was good and to give it a chance."

Maradiaga, who was sitting two rows behind the victim, then stood up and started talking "trash" before pulling out a knife with a 3-inch blade and stabbing the other woman, police and prosecutors say.

The charges say Maradiaga then threatened to kill the victim's family.

The victim suffered stab wounds to her arm and shoulder, but will be ok.

Maradiaga, meanwhile, has been charged with second-degree assault and is being held in jail on $50,000 bail. She is claiming that the woman she stabbed threatened her first, an assertion that would likely be a touch more credible were she not already facing an unrelated assault charge.

But even though we all know the last sentence is true, if she asks, tell her it was somebody else who said that, ok?

Everybody Wants To Meet The Girl Next Door, But There Are Better Ways To Go About It Than This

Good idea: Taking a shower to sober yourself up after a long night of drinking.
Bad idea: Taking your sober up showerat the neighbour lady's house because you got lost on the way back to your own.

"He was very apologetic," Superintendent Daniel Shean said.

The man got lost on the way to his house in Katherine on Wednesday night.

He walked into the home and took a shower in an attempt to sober up.

The 34-year-old householder was asleep upstairs.

She woke up, heard the water running and frantically rang the police.

When officers arrived, they found the 42-year-old sitting on the woman's verandah - dressed again.

He said "sorry" to the police and woman many times after realising his mistake.

The man, who has not been named, ended up spending a few hours in the drunk tank to finish what the shower had started.

I'm sure there's a good thing he had a shower before jail so he didn't have to deal with any dropped soap joke in there somewhere, but we're not the type of people who would say something like that.

That's Not What's Meant By Mustard Plaster

Food feuds, how I love thee.

This one involves a dude launching a mustard-covered corn dog at his girlfriend.

I love all the trouble Will Greenlee went to in order to bring us this food feud in all its glory. Not only do we have a mugshot of the accused "corn dog chucker", but we have a picture of the, or a, in case we don't know what it is that he threw.

The story itself was pretty ordinary. He and the girlfriend had an argument at a hotel, which ended with him throwing the corn dog at her chest area, covering her in mustard and then pushing her out of the room. She called the cops, who knocked on the door. He didn't answer the door, so she got a spare key and opened it for them. There he was, listening to headphones. He refused to give his name, but someone at the jail recognized him, so that was that.

I just love how Greenlee makes a point of saying that it was not mentioned what kind of mustard was on the corn dog, also going to the trouble of describing what exactly a corn dog is. Great stuff.

Palm Is Home

Here's an interview with Iris Thompson about the whole Palm incident. Wow. There is an emergency strip on the trains, but she couldn't find it, and nobody would help her! One man even told her it was ok. Oh no it isn't. I bet he feels about 6 different kinds of dumb right about now.

Wow, nobody at Skytrain has bothered to call her. Not cool, not cool!

This just gets more depressing by the day.

What A Wonderful World: The 4-Year-Old On A Ukulele Version

Around here we have a soft spot for music playing kids. I think it might be one of the only things that's impossible for us to make fun of...unless of course they're really bad or play horrible music, like say 90% plus of what's been in the hot 100 and on top 40 radio since the mid 1990's.

Thankfully for all of us, 4-year-old Lance here has good taste and decided to teach himself how to play What a Wonderful World on the ukulele. Enjoythe video,it's just too friggin cute.

Two days ago I was playing this Louis Armstrong Album in my room cleaning up while Lance was playing in his room..and he went inside our room, sat in front of the pc and listened to the song..he liked it! :) And asked me to repeat the song again and asked me to get the chords for him so he can play it with his ukulele :) Even though he still needs more practice..i just can't help taking his vid singing the song :) Who would say the World isn't wonderful when kids are around? :)

vid taken: april 15, 2010
Lance is 4yrs old

Please Remain In The Treatment Program Until Your Sentence Is Complete

Remember Steven Slater? Well, he pleaded guilty. If he completes a one-year treatment program involving counselling and treatment for substance abuse, the biggest of his two charges will be dropped.

Here's a question. How is what he did *attempted* criminal mischief? Nobody stopped him from getting on the PA system, cursing out passengers, grabbing beer, deploying the slide and sprinting off. Wouldn't what he did be considered straight up criminal mischief? Man, charges are weird.

But I guess that'll be the final update on this one.

Here Comes The Pain

Here's a tip. If you're going to throw your buddy in the air as part of a dance, make sure you can catch him. Otherwise, he may not dance again.

It was a wedding, and friends of the groom were picking him up and throwing him in the air, when they didn't catch him and he fell to the ground. He was taken to the hospital with neck and back injuries. They don't say how serious the injuries were.

You know how they say something's bound to go wrong at your wedding? That would be it for him.

Meetup.com Update

I have an update to the Meetup.com saga.

1. They say they can't make things screenreader-accessible at this time. And when exactly will that magic time arrive? I've been waiting for a year.

2. They told me to go make a suggestion about this over at their user voice forums. I want everyone with a screenreader to just try and put stuff into that forum. Can you? I sure as shit can't. I put my suggestion in the edit field, and then I hit "create idea" button, but then it says one vote required to create the idea", but I can't see the right vote button. I can see vote buttons for other ideas, but none for mine. I also can't seem to sign in. The sign in button appears to be completely mouse-dependent.

3. They offered me a coupon for half off my dues. While I sort of appreciate the gesture, what I would like along with that is a concerted effort to make their site accessible. Cutting my dues in half doesn't solve the problem for anyone. I know why they did it, since I said "I'm paying you folks, I want to see results," so I guess they thought the simplest result was "Well, pay us half as much."

Aaarg. Really thinking about alternatives. Anybody know of any?

More InhumanWare Goodness

You know HumanWare really needs to stop committing marketing fails. Here's another one.

A couple of days ago, they sent out a message saying that everybody who buys a Victor Reader Stream in the next little while can get a free softpak that they're selling for around 50 bucks. Then, the next day, I received the following message.

Dear customers in Europe and Australasia,

Yesterday, you received by error an email message announcing a special offer (Obtain a Free Softpak with the purchase of a Victor Reader Stream). This offer was unfortunately intended for US customers only. Please accept our sincere apologies for this mistake and be sure we’ll take the necessary steps to better target our future email promotions.

Best regards

The HumanWare team

So what about Canadian customers? Does it apply to us too? Or do we need another apology email? I notice they're only apologizing to those across the pond.

And instead of doing the decent thing and allowing them to have a discount for a limited time since it was HumanWare's error, all they get is a "Woops, sorry, no deal for you" message.

Fail!

Congratulations To Ray, And Whatever The Opposite Of Congratulations Is To The Stone Road Mall

Carin and I would like to take a second to congratulate Guelph Mayoral candidate Ray Mitchell on accomplishing what we believe to be a first for his run. Unless we missed something, he made it through the entire hour and a half candidates discussion on CJOY this morning without once saying "I won't win," "it doesn't matter," "why bother" or any other variation on the Saunter To Futility 2010 platform on which he appeared to have been running up to this point. Way to go Ray, we knew you could do it! We also couldn't help noticing that your closing statement sounded a tiny bit like things that we've talked about with you here, so we hope that in our own small way we've been of some help. It's better to try and fail than to fail before you've even tried, so it's nice to see you trying.

But turning to the subject of fail, I can't let this post go bye without mentioning that stupid Stone Road Mall commercial they kept playing.

"Hit the road jack, and keep coming back for more, for more, for more, for more"?

How the hell does that work. If I hit the road, I have to leave. Are you telling me to get out of the mall, only to tell me a second later that I am to repeatedly return, buy more things, and then leave before I've been there too long? That doesn't sound very welcoming to me. but if as Carin suggested the idea is that I hit the road to the Stone Road Mall, then that has to mean that the place to which I am to keep coming back for more would have to be either the road or my home, right? How does that make any sense? I will naturally keep coming back to my home because I live there and I'll need to use the road in the process, but for more? What more is there? All my stuff is already there! To get more stuff, I'd have to go back to the mall you keep trying to throw me out of...I think. I'm confused, not to mention in no mood to buy things anymore.

In closing, allow me to humbly suggest that those who should be hitting the road should be the marketing department, and further that they no longer be allowed to come back for more, for more, for more, for more. It would do all of us a world of good.

Thank you and good day.

Mmm...Kittens!

Does Francis McGinley know Gary L. Korkuc? They both have twisted tastes in food, and they're both twisted individuals.

Can you imagine being McGinley's room-mate? You're just in your house, loo dee doo, when McGinley, who's been hittin' the McGinley pretty good, comes home with 2 blood-soaked 4-week-old kittens. Was he trying to rescue them? Nope. He wanted to eat them! He put them in the bathtub, we don't know why, but McGinley's room-mate called police and the poor little things were rescued and will be ok. McGinley, on the other hand, has got a few charges on his hands.

If I were the roomy, I'd be looking for a new place to live.

A Thief Not Interested In Stealing Intellectual Property

Now, how often does that happen?

For some inexplicable reason, a professor in Sweden who wishes to remain anonymous decided to leave his backpack full of things like keys, credit cards and a laptop full of important research data abandoned in a stairwell while he slipped into the laundry room. Of course, the obvious happened and it was stolen. While he was busy lamenting the theft of his important items and canceling credit cards, the backpack came back with most of his personal items, but he was missing the laptop. While he was somewhat relieved, he was upset that he lost the data on the laptop because he hadn't been backing it up. But, lucky for him, the thief was exceptionally kind-hearted, and mailed him his data and personal files on a memory stick. Now the professor is feeling much better, since laptops can be replaced, but data can't.

In an extra little twist, the thief has kept the professor's library card. What an odd theif.

So there are two lessons to take from this. Back up your data, and don't leave a backpack full of important things abandoned in a stairwell!

What's The Crime? They Were Just Taking Out The Trash.

We have another story about a dude hiding in a dumpster and then getting dumped in a trash truck, but this guy didn't die. I refuse to say that he was luckier than our compacted prison escapee because he's in critical condition, and I'm sure it wasn't pleasant to be compacted several times.

It all started with James Brienzo stealing a shopping cart full of stuff from Wal-Mart. Police were hot on his trail, so he jumped in a dumpster. Unfortunately for him, the dumpster was due to be emptied that day...and it was.

Soon, James was on a journey that he didn't want to take, and worse yet, the driver of the truck kept compacting the load. Instead of calling 911, Brienzo called a friend. His friend luckily had some sense and called 911 with him still on the phone. Police used Brienzo's cell phone to track down the truck, stop it, and tell the driver what was going on.

But by this time, Brienzo was so smushed in with the load that they couldn't extricate him, so they had to drive on to the recycling centre and empty the load, which freed a critically injured Brienzo.

I think he got a pretty good punishment for his crime already, not that he'll learn from it.

Unwanted Guests And Unwanted Presents

Man are we ever lucky when we had our drunken visitor. I can't say that enough. Unlike us, a group of trusting college residents weren't so lucky. When they left their door unlocked, a dude walked into their apartment, randomly walked into one of their bedrooms and flicked on the light, then used their john, and left a mess that needed 2 hours of cleaning the toilet to vanquish! What the hell did he do in there?

Not only did he leave a lot of poopy presents in the john, but he abandoned his pants, socks, cell phone and ID in the bathroom. I have no idea why. But police found his email address and sent him a message telling him where to pick up his stuff and urging him to apologize.

What kind of distress must this man have been in to leave that much of a mess. Was it similar to that assault on a public bathroom? And how long was he just wandering around pantsless? Why did he abandon them? Were they a lost cause too? Eeewww.

Yup, definitely lockin' the door at night.

You're Choking On Salami That's Between Two Buns And You're' Anti-Gay?

Rabbi Yahuda Levin's comments do a fine job of illustrating that a. he's a dick, and b. maybe he's not so anti-gay as he says he is. In response to finding out that Republican Carl Paladino apologized for his anti-gay remarks, he said he was eating a sandwich when he heard the news, and ""almost choked on the kosher salami." Hmmm. Interesting choice of words there.

But that was just the icing on the cake. When will folks learn that the more vocally against something like gay rights someone is, the more people think that maybe they have a personal reason to be so vehemently opposed to them? Maybe the person is actually gay and just is too ashamed to admit it? His comments, in some places, sound like complete nonsense, and as if the gay rights issue is personally threatening to him. It's over the top. The salami comment just completed the picture for me.

And They Haven't Bagged Him Yet?

this amazingly successful robber wouldn't usually get the master criminals tag, but I think he needs it.

He decided to rob a Circle K and put something over his face to disguise or distort it. But he chose a clear plastic bag. What have we been told since we were little about putting bags over our heads? You can't breathe! But he, apparently, only learned this lesson at the exact moment when the robbery was in progress. So desperate was he for air that he yanked off the bag, right in front of surveillance cameras. So, they got a nice look at him.

But the reason I debated putting him under master criminals was he got away! Yes, they are still looking for him, have been for nearly a month! I'm sure it won't take too much longer, since he's already shown his rocket scientist-like intelligence. Hey, maybe he'll just waltz right up to cops and ask if they're looking for him.

The Steep Y2-Y1/X2-X1 Into Madness.

Now there's an algebra class some won't soon forget, kinda like that unforgettable flight of a couple of years ago. The story goes that Donald Wood, the grade 11 algebra teacher, was completely normal, and then suddenly lost his shit and started throwing tables and chairs.

here's at least one copy of the video, although I can't promise how long it will work, since the video linked to by the news story has already been pulled. Here's a nice description of what happens.

The video starts with Wood telling a group of laughing students to "shut up."
 
After standing quietly for about 20 seconds while students laughed, Wood waved his arms and said, "If you can be absolutely quiet… if you can shut your mouth… you can shut your mouth and you can listen in absolute silence… do you know why? Cause I have the absolute…"

"Power!" shouted one of the students.

"I've got it, and I know it," said Wood. "And guess who else knows it?"

Wood shouted something else that could not be understood before knocking a table to the ground. He then walked to the other side of the classroom and knocked over another table.

He shouted, "Do you know who started the fire? Do you know who started the fire in this school?"

A student said something inaudible, and Wood continued, "No… me!"

Wood picked up a metal trash can and slammed it to the ground. Students then began to leave the classroom. Witnesses said Wood then picked up a chair and threw it at the window - breaking the glass.

"He picked a chair and threw it on the ground – not at a student, but towards a student, but it was close – and that's when I got up and started walking away," said junior Joshua Jenkins. "Once everybody started running out he picked up a chair and threw it out the window and it shattered."

Apparently, the school is saying that Wood had a nervous breakdown. You know what? After hearing the din at the beginning of that video, I think I would too. I don't ever remember my high school math class sounding that rowdy.

Either way, Donald Wood was taken to the hospital, and I'm sure everybody in that classroom was wondering what in hell happened.

He Was Goin' To Look For The Bong, But Then He Got High...

This guy must spend his whole life high. That has to be it. How else can you explain this?

Mark Fiasco, seriously that is his name, and Matthew Hawley, were driving along when police stopped them for having a plate light that was out and because the car came up as one whose owner had been arrested for drugs before. They asked the guys if they had any drugs in the car and they said no. Police searched the car and found not only 29 grams of marijuana, but a long-lost bong that Fiasco had been looking for for 7 years. The report wasn't clear, but it didn't sound like they had to do a lot of digging to find said bong. It was just there, in a bag, either in the trunk or in some other obvious place.

The guy said he bought the bong for $150. I don't know anything about bongs. Are they usually that expensive? He had just assumed a room-mate had stolen it and thanked the deputy for finding it. Uh, dude, I don't think you're ever going to see that bong again. Why would you thank the cop for finding it. Oh yeah, I know why. You must be high all the time.

Also, he hadn't updated his address on his license. Yup, high. Totally high.

Meetup Meets My Rage Again

Remember last September when I was talking about Meetup? Well, nothing has really changed, except I have a new reason for Meetup to piss me off.

I have limped along for a year dealing with their half accessible interface. I cannot choose a Meetup place by choosing from my venues because the options to choose a letter of the alphabet and then choose from there are completely keyboard-inaccessible. They do not respond to space, enter, or simulated mouse click. The mouse, and only the mouse will do. Well, I don't do the mouse. What I've had to do is search for a Meetup place and then click the link that appears that says "hold your Meetup at x place."

Today, someone suggested a Meetup, so I thought I'd let her be an event host. There is such an option. Then, they get to receive emails about who's coming, as well as feedback on how it went. But I discovered that you have to be a screenreader ninja to make this option work, and even when you do, you may have butchered your whole Meetup, so go over it with a fine-toothed comb to make sure all your other settings are what they should be.

Let's start from the beginning. After you have selected your place, set the time and all that stuff, you can set an event host. What you have to do is type the name of the person in the edit field. But be very very careful with this edit field! If you even so much as look at it again, the text disappears, and I'm pretty sure just entering text in the instructions for event hosts field causes the text to vanish without a trace. If you manage to keep that text there, there is a graphic that turns into a plus, but it appears to be another one of those singularly mouse-driven controls. That plus graphic should be the answer to all my prayers, but it's not. Oh no no no. What you have to then do is come out of forms mode, put your jaws cursor on and click add event host. These words appear to be nowhere in sight when just looking around with the regular cursor. I have no idea how they accomplished this feat. Then, after you do that, at the very bottom of the page appears a list of people matching the text string you put in. Amazingly, they are links, so click the one you want. That *should* move them up to being a host.

But after I did that, I somehow disabled people's ability to RSVP maybe, and I turned off the ability for event hosts to receive RSVP's by email. I have no idea how that happened. I can only guess that my dicking around with the JAWS cursor caused me to inadvertently click on the boxes and uncheck them. Once I turned those back on, all was good.

The thing is I shouldn't have to do all that just to interact with the site and perform basic tasks. If I wasn't stubborn as a mule, I wouldn't have even tried. I would have just given up. But I am in fact determined as all hell, so I beat the interface.

I have written a less than pleasant email to support detailing my difficulties. I don't know what to hope for. The last time I wrote about accessibility difficulties, I had to haggle with them for a month to get a coupon that FS could use to get in there and view the interface, and then FS said they weren't gonna bother. But I told them that I wonder what I pay the $144 US a year for if their idea of support is sending me articles written for developers about how to write good javascript, telling me they don't have a clue how to fix their code, and not even bothering to read the history in a support ticket thread. I don't know if there's an alternative to meetup, but I'm very tempted to find one if things don't improve.

But in the meantime, for other Meetup organizers with screenreaders, at least JAWS, I hope this little tip might help prevent you from pulling your hair out. Conversely, if you have been able to add an event host or select a Meetup place from your list in a less painful way, please, please enlighten me.

At US Airways, It's Every Man For Himself

Thanks, Jen, for the lead on this one.

So, we have learned that United breaks guitars and US Airways breaks spirits. Johnnie Tuitel, a motivational speaker with CP, was flying to one of his speaking engagements when he was told by a gate agent at US Airways that he could not fly alone because he was too severely disabled, and they felt he couldn't assist himself or others in the event of an evacuation. But if he was willing to find a companion and purchase their ticket, then they'd take him no problem. He was already in his seat, but they wheeled him off the plane and into the terminal. This is the first time this has happened to him in 20 years of flying.

Just think of what this could mean if more things like this happen. They could decide that because I'm blind, I can't see where the exit is and get off, so can't fly alone. They could decide that a deaf person can't hear the safety warnings, so wouldn't understand the instructions being given. Who knows what kind of arbitrary policies could be put in place to limit folks' independence when it doesn't need to be limited.

Airlines and others in the travel industry have to realize that people with disabilities do live life independently and have other ways of doing things that most people assume they can't do.

But they picked the wrong guy to boot off the plane. The first article I saw said he was en route to do a motivational speech at a self-advocacy workshop. Thankfully for them, he says he won't sue...but I think it's safe to add the word yet. He's working with them to revise their company policies, and if that fails, I would think he may just change his mind about not suing them.

Ug. Airlines just keep finding new and innovative ways to suck.

Oh, Deer, What Can The Matter Be?

Here's another example of animal rights activists doing stupid things.

Apparently the Animal Liberation Front just couldn't stand the sight of a deer farm. So, they cut the fense, allowing the deer to escape into the surrounding forest. And what season is it right now? Deer hunting season. And what kind of deer are these? Tame ones! What exactly did they think would happen?

Luckily, their incompetence had them cutting fense on a pasture that contained no deer, so no deer wandered right up to waiting hunters, but that's a big duh!

There's Too Much Meat In Those Pants

I first read this story because it involved a dude stuffing 8 steaks down his pants and running off with them, and I thought he might have had a less than pleasant encounter with a police dog. But oh no, that didn't happen. What did happen was pretty funny.

A store employee noticed that the guy was putting a whole lotta meat in his pants, called the police and took down his plate number before the guy drove off. But he didn't get away clean. He smashed into another car in the parking lot before driving away.

Police just drove on over to his place, where they found a bag of steak, along with batteries and men's underwear right next to the car. I assume all these items were in his pants, but perhaps not.

When they questioned the guy about it, he first gave them a false name. Unfortunately for him, the false name he gave had warrants! What are the chances of that? Did he know the guy whose name he gave? If he did, then wouldn't he have known he had warrants?

They finally got his real name, James Young Jr. and charged him with a whole bunch of stuff, including leaving the scene of an accident and driving under the influence of alcohol along with the impersonation and theft charges you would expect. He would have had more charges if the woman he choked earlier in the day had wanted to press charges.

Also, Young was described as "hateful and obnoxious." I have heard someone described as obnoxious before, but hateful? Wow.

What a special guy. Too bad he didn't get to enjoy those steaks, because I think he'll be in jail for a while, and I'm sure he won't be getting any steak.