Craigslist Is Not A Joke Site, Ok?

What is it with this time of year and people trying to put their kids up for sale? Last year, we had the German EBaby swiftly followed by the Craigsbaby from Edmunton. Now, we have a new one, also a Craigsbaby, from Tampa, and another one who thought the ad on Craigslist offering her baby for sale would be a real laugh and a half.

The 19-year-old woman didn't use her own baby's picture, just picked a random baby's picture off the internet. She put the ad up because she thought it would be funny, then went to police worried she'd done something wrong.

At least this one had the good sense to realize that it's not a good idea to even pretend to offer up a kid for sale. Too bad she realized that *after* hitting "post". Apparently the police are still trying to figure out if she has broken any laws.

Searching For Trouble

Pulled from our tracker:

31 May, Sun, 15:56:20
Yahoo:
fakeguide dog covers

I know you'll probably never see this, Mr. anonymous search douche, but raaar! If you're doing what I think you are, you can eat a bag of hell.

Ok, now that I've got my rage out of the way, I'll try and form a more intelligent thought.

Before chomping down on said bag of hell, you can learn to type and form a normal sentence. I believe you tried to search for "fake guide dog covers" which makes me think you were searching for some kind of vest that you can put on your dog to pass him or her off as a guide dog.

The first thing you should know is that guide dogs don't wear vests, they wear harnesses. Other service dogs wear vests, but guide dogs need to have the handle so they can stay slightly in front of us, ya know, so they can lead us around stuff, which is their, uh, job...

...

Which brings me to the rage part. I didn't get a guide dog just so I could bring a pet everywhere with me. She does a service for me. She shows me where steps are, gets me around stuff, follows people, ensures that I go across the street straight and don't get crushed by cars, finds doors. there's a reason she's called a *guide* dog. sure when she's off duty, we have lots of fun and she's just a goofy dog, but when she's working, she's doing a job.

And here's the second part of my rage. People who get guide dogs don't just waltz down to the local pound and pick out a dog and say "this one looks smart. lemme go down to the shoe repair guy and see if he can set me up with a harness thang." The dogs go through a lot of training so they will be good dogs in public places and will not cause problems for everyone else. Your dog may not be able to handle going on a bus, being in close quarters with lots of people, seeing other dogs, seeing little kids, or who knows what else. I doubt he will know to restrain himself from urinating or defecating at will, since regular dogs do their business when they go for a walk. So, it may not end well for you, the dog, the person or legitimate service dog your dog decides to bite, or the floor of a business where your dog takes a leak or a crap.

After you are long gone, the people with actual service dogs will have to do damage-control. They will have to explain to an uninformed business owner or passer-by that your dog is not the norm. Your dog does not represent service dogs everywhere, and their dog will not do the same things.

People have worked long and hard to ensure that service dog-handlers have the rights they do. It is ass-magnets like you who will ensure those rights will all disappear.

We'll Direct YouTo Jail

Jesus! don't ask for directions in Baltimore, or certainly don't ask for directions from the police. If you do, you might get arrested. Also, your car will get taken to the impound lot and left there with the windows down so people can steal stuff out of it. but wait, there's more! You will spend a night in jail for no apparent reason.

What kind of freak police are these? The worst thing this couple did was run a stop sign and they acknowledged that and were willing to pay the fine. Then the one cop went nuts and started saying if she wasn't going to help them, no one would, and then proceeded to cart them both off to jail! Whaaat? What's next? She's going to start administering blind tests?

I Am A Rock, I am Naked

Oh boy. Here's another example of a game that you shouldn't play because you're involving more than yourselves.

Joshua Sizemore and Amanda Madison are in jail for playing a stripping game. But why would that put them in jail? Because they were throwing baseball-sized rocks at cars from above. Rocks? Stripping? How does this work? Well, for every left headlight they managed to bust, Amanda had to take a piece of clothing off. For every right headlight, Joshua had to take something off. Apparently they had good luck hitting left headlights. Amanda was in her underwear.

Idiots! Just a bunch of idiots! Next time you want to play a stripping game, try strip poker or something where you don't try to hurt others as part of the game.

Honky Tonk Army?

The Oak Ridge Boys- Seven Nation Army.Go ahead and click it, you know you wanna.

It might come as a surprise to some of you, but I have not one bad word to say about this. I kind of expected some cooler vocal work considering what they've done with harmonies in the past, but this is perfectly fine and not at all embarrassing.

The Count Is No Balls, Several Strikes

For a while I couldn't decide whetehr or not I wanted to post this, but I've come to the realization that I have to because it's so weird and because we might not ever see something like it again.

Thisis Jose Canseco yes,that Jose Canseco taking on Hong Man Choi in an MMA contest. Yes, for real. The match took place in Japan earlier this week. Why Japan? Well, 2 reasons. One is that promoters there are willing to pay ridiculous money for things like this even if they have no chance of making that money back, and the second being that something like this would never be ok'd in the States where there are things like athletic commitions, weight classes and drug testing.

Considering what he was up against, old Jose didn't do too bad. He had the right idea, trying to make a move and then circle out of range, exactly what I would do if I were facing somebody over 7 feet tall and pushing about 330 pounds. had his knee not gone out I doubt he would have been able to win, but he definitely would have lasted a bit longer than the 1 minute and change he managed. A minute and change is much longer than I gave him when I first heard that he was doing a fight and who it was against. Choi isn't exactly lighting the MMA world on fire, but Jose Canseco's only fighting experience to my knowledge has come from a celebrity boxing match he once had with Danny Bonaduce and probably the odd bench clearing brawl on the ball field.

Note to JAWS users: To get the video to play, press the spacebar on the first unlabeled button you see in the Flash movie.

Jiiiiimmmmmmyyyyyyy!

Steve's post about train safety made me think of a youtube video I stumbled across while looking for another Play Safe ad that I wanted to find. Does anyone remember the "mean machines" ads? "they can hurt you....they can cut you..." I can't find them anywhere. But what I found was far, far more terrifying. I think if I watched that as a kid, I wouldn't go near anything that could be remotely scary.

I Can't Think Of An On The Right Track Joke That Isn't Totally Stupid, So Here's Your Post Title

Not sure how I feel about this one. On one hand these do gooding sons of bitches are robbing Carin and I of much future material, but on the other it sounds like a great idea, so much so in fact that I think we need a Rover the Rabbit, Penelope the Porcupine and Rosco the raccoon for adults too. You could probably target the site at the grownups in the crowd without making a single change or even a separate website, since judging from what we've written here over the years, the intellect of a lot of the full-sized folks mowed down by trains is equal to or slightly below that of the aged 5 to 10 set they're going after now.
New website targets train track safety for kids

She'll Get Lots Of Bread...Bread And Water

the last one wasn't an absolute food fight. This one is. Ava Maria Gordon, yes, that's her name, stabbed her father during an argument over a dinner roll. A dinner roll? Seriously? Her father's dead now, she could be in prison for life, all because of an argument over a dinner roll.

Load The dishwasher Yourself, Ya Grumpy Old Man

It isn't quite a food fight, but it's pretty close.

Meet Joseph Frank Strauch. If he doesn't like the way you've arranged dirty dishes in the dish washer, he'll hit ya and beat ya and choke ya unconscious.

He's also been known to steal bags of groceries from other people and when they object, punch them.

What a weird old man who is now in jail.

Trixie's got The Gift Of The Gab

Carin's been doing a lot of talking about me, but I never get the keyboard. Now I've got it, and I've got stuff to say!

This winter, the guy in the sky wasn't as mean as last winter. He didn't keep dumping white stuff on us. He did keep making it really c c c c c cold, but I didn't even need the fur for my fur as much. That's just fine with me, I don't really like it. I can stand it better than those awful shoes, but it keeps making me want to shake my fur back into place every few steps.

Plus, this year, the guy in the sky decided to turn the weather knob back to nice sooner...except for that time when we had weeks and weeks and weeks of nice, and then he dropped white stuff on us. Carin was mad mad mad, so I thought I'd fix it. I thought I could just eat it all and then we'd be all good. But she didn't like that either. Some people, ya just can't please 'em.

something weird happened to Carin back a while ago. She was taking me out to do my nighttime business...and then...she just stopped inside the door and stuff came out of her mouth! Stuff isn't supposed to come out of her mouth, doesn't she know? It looked like she'd already eaten and then the food got lost and came back up. We can get turned around, can food get turned around? Well this stuff sure did, and when it came back the other way, it was on the run! Some of it landed on her, some of it landed on me...on my face! In my eye! blink blink blink! On my leash! On the floor! On the Window! Wherever it could run, it ran there. Then she just stood there and got mad when I tried to eat it. She told me no! Ug but it's all over me and she wasn't cleaning it off! What's a poor dog to do?

Then a nice man came over and...wipe wipe wiped me clean. he even had to wipe wipe wipe her clean because she hadn't noticed that some of it had landed on her nose. come on! How could she not notice that was on her nose! I mean, I know she's blind, but it was on her nose! Does her nose not work either?

Then she was sick for a while. all she did was feed me and take me out and go back to bed. She didn't play, walk, do anything but drink stuff and lie there. Even when we started walking, she'd slip more on ice, even if we were going nice and slow! Once, she fell, oh how I hate to see her fall! She didn't move and I had to go bug another human to help her get up so we could get home.

then the fat man's food started getting lost and coming back up instead of going down, but at least his didn't run to me. He got it to go swimming in the big bowl! Does Carin not know how to do that? I guess the fat man told her how to do that, because for the rest of the time she was sick, she did the same thing.

They kept saying that was a horrible flu. Now everybody's talking about this swine flu. So whatever swine are, their food gets lost and comes running the other way? Weird. Does their food hit humans on the head and kill them and that's why people are all worried about this swine flu? I wonder what a swine looks like so I can make sure I don't get hit on the head by lost food.

Carin and the fat man replaced one of those things that they sit on when they watch that TV box. I don't know what was wrong with the old one. It had little holes in it, but I thought those little holes were neat! But I guess they didn't like them. We went into this big room full of things to sit in. There were so many things to sit in that there was no room to stand or walk! Does someone live here? How do they even move? Carin and the fat man sat in a few different things. then the next day, the guy who talked to us while we sat on things came and brought one of the things from the store! I had to check it and make sure it was the exact same thing. Did this arm smell like that other place? Yep. How about this one? Sure did. I had to smell it all over and see who had sat on it before. It was like the elevator. It had a story and I had to find out what it was!

Now it just smells like us. I wonder how long until it disappears and something else will come in with a new story to smell.

You know, for a while, those other humans that I met when we got off the flying car bus thing when I just came from California used to scare me. When they would show up, I'd wonder if I was going to move somewhere else. Now I realize they're just people that Carin knows. There's the one she calls dad who got a new hip who seems to be doing pretty well because he can move pretty fast and doesn't need stick things or wheely things, and there's the one who she calls mom who I like to come to in the mornings when we're at the house with the cat and nudge her and ask her to pet me. When she stops, sometimes I give her another poke and she starts again. They love me so much. Now I get really happy when I se them. One time, they came to our place and I was so happy I ran and ran and ran around until I sat there puffing. I wonder when we'll see them again.

I've seen lots of new dogs who wear harnesses like I do. There's a girl who used to walk around with a big yellow dog who I thought was pretty cute stuff even though he was really really old. Well, I guess he got too old and he's not with her anymore. She now has a cool new black lab who's younger than me! Cool! Now I rank higher in the pack!

Then there's another dog who I got to meet who was pretty much my same size. He came to visit us and he was with a lady, a guy, and a little girl. the little girl was scared that Carin and the other lady would get confused and mix me up with him. How is that possible? I'm a girl and he's a boy! Can they not tell the difference?

And then there's another dog in town. I still think she's cool...but I think I'll keep an eye on her. I'll get to that later. She's about my size and we sometimes wiggle noses when we meet...until we get caught. I hear talk that we might get together for some kind of party. What's a party?

Something's going on with the lady and the man who live downstairs. One time, we came into their house, and the couch thing Carin always sits on was gone! Now there's a little bed inside a bunch of bars there. Who could sleep in that little bed? I don't think the lady or the man could fit in there...and why do they need the bars? Is someone trying to get out?

There's something going on with the lady. Her belly smells funny. She never smelled like that before, and her belly is getting bigger, bigger and bigger and bigger! When I'm off duty, I love to run up to her and sniff sniff sniff right at her belly. It's so interesting. One time, Carin and the lady went to this weird room that kind of smelled like my vet's place only without the smells of doggies and kitties and all that. The lady lay on a table and they put this goo on her belly and were moving this thing around. Then there were these big woosh! woosh! woosh noises coming from over there! Something is woosh woosh wooshing in there? I'm very scared. It sounds big and loud and weird! I can't quite figure out what I'm sniffing. I'm just going to have to keep trying.

You know, I like most dogs I meet, but there are a few that I just can't stand. Back a while ago, we went to visit another house for a little while. They had this wee wee wee wee tiny dog. I thought wel, that dog can't jump on me and go up and down, up and down. It can't be that bad. Oh oh no, how wrong I was.

That dog chased me, and chased me, and chased me some more. I would lie down and there she'd be, running over to me. I'd have to get up again, and run around, and around, and around again! and again! and again! does this thing ever sleep? Is she a dog?

Then I noticed her teeth. They were sharp sharp sharp and she liked to chew on things. She tried to chew on Carin! No! Even I know Carin's not for chewing! Was I this bad as a puppy?

Then I didn't see her for a while. But not too long ago, we went to visit that other house where we've been before. That guy I really like comes there too. Not the one I see all the time, but the other guy. I think he's the fat man's brother. Anyway, we were there, and we all went over to another house. As we came to the door, I heard a familiar "roofroofroof roof! Roof! Roof!" I think it was that wee puppy.

but no! She wasn't wee anymore! She had gotten bigger. She was still smaller than me, but she was all legs! Nooo! More legs means more running! And at this house Carin kept me on the leash! I knew right then that I had to set some GR'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'ROUND! R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'RULES! Dog, leave me alone R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'RIGHT! now! Don't come any closer'r'r'r'r'r'r'r. Do I make myself CLEAR'R'R'R'R'R'R'R'R? But it would still bark and try to bug me. Luckily, the humans that came with her put her on a leash and that was that.

I saw another dog there and it made me sad. He was this big white dog. We both shared a fear of thunder storms. I met him last year and we both went shakepuff shakepuff shakepuff when the sky went flash boom flash boom flash boom. But now, he can hardly move on his own. The fat mans' brother had to help him get outside so he could do his business. They say he's really old and that's why he's like that. I don't want to get old. I don't want to not be able to move on my own.

But back to that other dog. The next week, we went to her house! All weekend, I tried to tell her to get away. As long as she was across the room, I didn't care, but if she got too close, I would puff up. I would bark, growl, everything that said leave me alone. But she never learned! Some dogs don't take no for an answer!

that weekend was busy busy busy. We were back in one of those church things with benches and organs and strange things people did like standing up and then sitting down. What's the point of standing up if you're not going to walk somewhere? But I've accepted that if you're in one of those places with benches, that's just what you do. When Carin stands up, I just lie down. I know I'm not going anywhere until she says so.

So I guess you go to these places with benches for happy and sad things. This was a happy thing, a wedding. I didn't se the fat man at first when we got there. I didn't know where he had gone. That was weird! But then, there he was, all dressed up in funny clothes. He walked with a bunch of other guys and girls and the little kids with flowers and other little kids with rings. I wonder why the fat man was up there and Carin wasn't. Oh well, I have to accept that there are some things I just dont' understand.

After we were done standing up and sitting down, some more fun happened. We got in this car with this other lady and man that we'd met before and went to their house. There was another dog there! But he was much nicer to me than the puppy. He knew how to play nice. He liked to give me bones to play with, but if I didn't take them, he'd take them back. I can deal with that.

I soon learned that he was a guide dog too! Wow! Another guide dog! That was pretty fun. but I was glad to get back home after all that driving and staying away from puppies and all that stuff.

Remember back when I said I have to keep an eye on that other guide dog that I like to wiggle my nose at? Here's why. One morning, Carin and I went outside to meet someone. It was that guide dog and the lady she's always with! I was sooo excited! Where could we possibly be going together? She was sooo excited too. We got in this big car thing where there was lots of room and we drove for a little bit. Soon we got out. I'd never been here before.

When we first came inside, everything seemed ok, but soon, it all got really bad. They put lights in my eyes! They put drops in my eyes! They put more stuff in my eyes! Soon I couldn't see where I was going! How was I supposed to do my job if I couldn't see? What was going on! The last time this happened to me was whenI had just left the place where I'd been with the nice lady who sent me the bed when I got here! I'd just gotten back to that kennel place, and oh me oh my, they looked me all over, and this was part of it! Why was this happening again?

I couldn't see all day. It was scary! but that other dog didn't seem upset by this. She had to have known this was going on. If she didn't, how could she be so relaxed? If she knew, why didn't she warn me? I don't know if I can trust her next time I see her.

But I can find comfort in something I've seen a few times. the humans have vets too! I mean, they call the place I go where they poke me and prod me and shine lights at me the vet, and I saw people poke and prod and shine lights at Carin, so it must be a vet. but the weird part is she doesn't seem to mind. She doesn't tell me to get away from these bad people. She just lets them do it! And she says I'm submissive. She's the bigger wuss. At least I try and get away from there. Hmmm. Either she's a wuss, or she's dumb. She hasn't figured out that these people are bad. Hmmm. I think I'd rather think she's a big wuss. That's the better choice.

This week's been busy busy busy. We went to a place where there was lots and lots of people. there was another guide dog, but I didn't get to meet him. I only got to watch him walk by, and I got to sniff where he'd peed.

Anyway, I think Carin called it a conference. We sat at tables and people talked to us. Then we'd walk to another room and sit and people would talk. But at one point we didn't sit. We stood in front of everyone and Carin and this other lady talked! I wonder what they talked about. They'd talk and type and the computer would talk really loud from these big speakers across the room. I guess people liked it, they made that clap clap clap noise with their hands when they were done.

Hmmm. I think I've run out of things to say. Maybe I'll go chew on a bone now.

The Can Is Exactly Where This Belongs

I wasn't sure that thecheeseburger in a cancould ever be topped, but I think it may have just been done. Beholdthe whole chicken in a can.Yes, bones and all. Grab yourself a bucket and click the link for lots of pictures and some pretty funny step by step narration. I'm glad I've already eaten lunch today.

How Do You Dress Up Like Stupidity

Somebody from Ramco Primary School in South Australia: Hey, I've got a great idea! We should hold a fundraiser for people with disabilities, and to make the experience fun for the kids, we canhave them dress up like people with different disabilities and give out prizes for best costume.

Somebody else from the same school: That sounds absolutely smashing! I'll go print something up for the newsletter right away!

Newsletter: "There will be prizes for the best students dressed as a person with a disability. Get your thinking hats on and see what disability you can represent!"

General Public: Whaaaaaaat!?

Backpedalling School Principal Barrey Niven realizing the calibre of idiots he has working for him and trying, seemingly, to outdo them:

The idea had been to raise student awareness of what it is like to cope daily with a disability but the idea had not been conveyed well in the newsletter.

The intention of the fundraiser, devised by the school's Student Representative Council, had been for students to come in with a bandaged arm or leg, he explained.

Steve: Yeah, because a papercut and paralysis have so much in common.

next time, try thinking things through for a minute or 2. You'd be amazed how much trouble you can avoid that way.

Yikes

Every time I read this story, I feel sick.

Stephen M. Bottila went into a McDonald's with his service dog, a dog who detects his seizures. The manager let him eat there and the dog was sleeping under the table. Then, for some unknown reason, the manager called police to have him removed. What the hell? When they came, he said he wanted to file a complaint against the manager, but they said he had to leave the place first. He refused, and then they ended up tasing him. Now he's in jail and his dog is in the humane society!

What kind of crap is that? If the dog was causing some kind of a problem, I'd understand the police being called. But it was doing what it should have been. And if the dude started punching the officer, which was never mentioned, then I'd understand the tasing. But this just sounds ridiculous. I think the police in Madison need some serious retraining, and a few need to be fired. Maybe they'll end up in Philadelphia doing blind tests.

I Made A Shitty Song Down In Africa

You know what I hate? Ok, who said just about everything? You're right, but still, shut your trap.

Today's heaping helping of go die in a fire is directed at what results when so-called musicians take perfectly acceptable songs and do horrible, unspeakable things to them. For example, have a listen to what some no-talent penis muffin named Karl wolfdidtoToto's Africa.

Seriously,what the hell? Che che che cha che che oooo!? That's your hook? It was annoying before I heard it the first time,and now that it's passed through my brain about 10 or 12 times with all the grace and ease of passing a watermelon through the penis, it's gotten significantly worse.

And what the hell's up with that guy who sounds vaguely like what I picture the Jamaican version of Cookie Monster sounding like? Does he serve any purpose other than to drag things down to depths not considered possible when the idea of ruining a song was first hatched?

"Ok, we're totally on to something here. The morons are gonna like so eat this up!"

"But there's something missing. we need something, someone to put it over the top. Anybody can fuck up something that a real recording artist worked hard on, but if we're going to send this baby into the stratosphere of douchebaggery, we need to work a little harder."

"Wait, I've got it! What if we hired a cartoon and had it do some halfassed reggae!?"

"That's perfect! It'll piss off the classic rock fans and probably make a few reggae people angry too. You're a fuckin' genius!"

My research tells me that in this case, C is not for cookie, but rather for Culture, a Canadian Reggae artist. My research also tells me that culture has something to do with bacteria, a fact that seems more than worth mentioning in this case.

And of course, there's the matter ofthe lyrics.What does anything in the verses have to do with Africa exactly? So far as I can tell, it's a poorly written song about a girl with what appears to be the chorus from the old song thrown in because Wolf couldn't be bothered to come up with something of his own. doesn't get much lazier than that.

There's far too much of that going on in today's music. It was cool in its own lame way for a little while in the 80's and early 90's as a novelty thing, but it's been over done for the better part of the last 15 years. There needs to be a rule stating that you're not allowed to release a single like this until you've written at least 27 decent songs of your own. Why 27? Just because, or in other words, I don't need a good reason, just like the dipshits who keep deficating all over my earspace with this kind of crap.

I'd like to end things on a positive note by giving props to whoever transcribed the lyrics I linked. You, my friend, made my day brighter. I've never seen anybody try to write out a scat break before.

Doobara, doobara, doobra, doobara, doobara, Doobara, doobara, doobaba, boorr, boobaba, Dodo, dood, adooro, orooda, dooroo, dobara Doobara doobara doobara baabaabaa

Awesome. But what's even more awesome is that whoever this is wrote that whole thing out,but didn't even take a stab at trying to figure out what the Culture guy was babbling about. Fantastic.

How To Kill A Character In One Easy Step And Other Wrestling Stuff

It seems like whenever I decide to write about wrestling anymore, it's usually to complain. Today will be no different, but I'm going to start off with a few good things that I've been meaning to mention for a while just to kind of balance things out.

Ring of Honor on HDNet. If you haven't seen the show, try to catch it. It's a wrestling show with wrestling on it, which nowadays is nothing short of revolutionary. You might have read some complaints about it on the internet especially from some long-time fans of the promotion, but don't listen to them, the show isn't bad at all. I'm more likely now to give the company a chance and spring for a DVD or a pay-per-view than I ever have been before, so on some level the show is accomplishing what any good wrestling TV product is supposed to accomplish, bringing in fans and turning them into customers. As much of a wrestling fan as I am, I could never sit through an entire ROH event before, even when they were split into parts like they are on the Fight Network where I watched most of my ROH until the HDNet show came along. Don't get me wrong, there was some great stuff on those shows, but there was just too much going on and there was too little sense of how to properly build wrestling from start to finish. If I've sat through 3 hours of craziness complete with everybody kicking out of things that should be finishers and doing insanely stupid things that could kill them and am completely burned out by the time the main event comes around, that's bad. I should want to see the 2 best wrestlers in the company wrestle for an hour. I should not cringe when I realize that fuck, there's still another hour left before I can go do something else. With the TV show, ROH has figured out that not every match on every show has to be the best. some can just be ok. They're slowly introducing the characters and giving people a reason to pay attention to them. The main events are always good,and there's none of the stupid backstage shit that pollutes TNA and WWE. It even comes complete with its own drinking game. whenever lead announcer Mike Hogewood tells you that something hurts, do a shot. I tried that once and didn't wake up for 3 days. but in spite of his relying too much on the that hurt stuff and his being new in wrestling, he's got a lot of potential and seems like he really wants to learn and improve. Now if somebody could tell me what exactly slap the porpoise is supposed to mean...

Moving along, I'm happy to say that TNA has been ok the last few weeks. It's still pretty damn stupid, but grading by TNA standards it's not nearly as stupid as usual largely thanks to Mick Foley. He's fantastic in the role of the insane guy with money and power, and the segment where he interviewed himself before Lockdown was some of the best stuff TNA has done in forever.

Even WWE, who I happily shat all over around Wrestlemania time for putting on such boring programming, has gotten much better. From Backlash to now, most of the shows have been pretty entertaining. Smackdown in particular has been awesome, with guys like Edge, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin and John Morrison to name just a few putting on great matches week after week. The storylines even make sense, believe it or not. It's amazing how paying attention to the little things and the big things for that matter can greatly improve the quality of a show.

Speaking of little things, I'm enjoying the Christian vs. Jack Swagger feud on ECW a whole lot. The story that the young Swagger keeps getting out cheated by the more experienced Christian is just great. I want to see how long they can keep it going and how Swagger will finally beat him if they go that route.

Raw pretty well sucks, which only strengthens my long held theory that WWE has a policy that all of the shows can't be good at the same time.

And now for the complaining, which I guess I kind of started in the last paragraph. Oh well, who cares about order anyway?

As good as Smackdown has been lately, I saw something on the most recent episode that drove me completely nuts. Umaga. Specifically Umaga with a microphone speaking perfect English and challenging CM Punk to a match. Just...NO! Umaga is supposed to be a madman from the Islands, a savage they sometimes call him. He comes out, beats the stuffings out of people, leaves them for dead and then goes home...wherever that is. He does not come out, beat the stuffings out of people, leave them for dead,then pick up the mic and say "I am issuing a challenge to you for a match at Extreme Rules" in the same overly scripted manner that everybody else is forced to use. I got over the fact that this crazed island beast doesn't have a manager to speak for him or to handle his money anymore, but I'm not getting over this. It's too much and I possess not the required amount of suspendible disbelief to make it work. Umaga, one of the few truly unique characters in the whole company for the last 3 years, is now just another guy after 30 seconds of stupidity. Nice work, you fools. Not every character needs to talk, and whoever made this call is an idiot.

Ok, I think I'm done. I'm going to go watch the Jays play like the Jays for the first time in what seems like forever. Hopefully they won't blow the 7-2 lead. bye for now.

Tall Trees Hangin' Over The Resort, Feels Like they're Tearin' Us Down

A resort is famous for the palm trees that grow there. People come from miles around to admire them. All is well. Town officials conduct an inspection and determine that having all these trees everywhere is unsafe because children liked to hang around near them at night and even worse, muggers could use them to hide themselves before they strike their victims. Trees are cut down so that the world can be a safer place. All is no longer well.

Did the above take place in:
A. The UK
B. The UK
C. The UK
or
D. The UK?

If you guessed the UK, you win a trip to the now treelessGENTEEL seaside resort.

Amazingly or maybe not so if you've been paying attention, this isn't the first time the trees have run afoul of Torquay Town Council. Two years ago they were felled because it was feared that their overhanging sharp leaves might injure people. For serious. No really. You don't honestly think I'm capable of making up things this stupid, do you?

But all hope may not be lost. Most of it sure, but not all...yet. After getting not nearly the earful they deserve from outraged area residents, the council is now claiming in true we screwed up fashion that the cutting of the trees was meant merely as a way to tidy the place up before the holidays. They say that they will be replaced, and that 4 more will be added, so the story has a happy ending for now.

I'd suggest that some helpful townsfolk bring it to council's attention that muggers can also hide behind their building so that they'll knock the thing down for the good of society,but knowing how the UK works they would just spend a few million pounds building a new one, so we'll pretend I never mentioned it.

We Find The Defendant Guilty Based On Name

Arrested recently in Florida on a DUI charge wasRandy Joe Beverage.

Another Installment Of The Adventures Of trixie And I

I think Trixie has earned herself another dog post.

Last weekend, we went to a friend's wedding, and Steve was in the wedding party. Hopefully we'll get some good pictures back, and you'll actually get to see what Steve looks like. It'll look a hell of a lot better than my failed attempt at photography.

Anyway, the wedding was taking place in the little town where some family of Steve's lives, ya know, the ones with the Australian shepherd puppy. Well, that puppy had grown a whole bunch, and Trixie had grown an assertive side! Oh my!

She was funny. She would not go near the puppy, she'd just lay still, but if that thing got inside a perimeter that she had decided was too close, grererer'rowl! Rerrererererooof! Oh my my, what are those? Hackles?

Unfortunately for Trixie, the puppy didn't understand that was a loud signal to leave her the hell alone. So if we didn't intervene, she would have been doing that all weekend. that dog seemed to think that was a sign of play. Um, pooch, ya might wana learn your own species's body language.

We tried everything, most of which involved separating the dogs in some way. Even if they were outside, they wouldn't settle things there either. they'd just avoid each other. So either the pup was downstairs while we were upstairs, or we were downstairs and Trix stood at the top of the stairs, or the pup was leashed to someone so she would stay away from Trixie. Poor trixie. I was proud of her assertiveness, but it still didn't quite work. I was also dead scared that Trixie would surprise everyone and try and bite the puppy. I would never be able to forgive myself if that happened.

I felt I was in a horrible position. I didn't want to correct Trixie for speaking her mind and telling that puppy to go pound rocks, but...she was in that puppy's house, and I didn't want the barking and growling to go on all weekend in their house. I was afraid they'd never have us back. They were very understanding and doing their level best to correct their puppy's behaviour, but still, it's their house. so I just tried to get between them and stop it before it started.

I was also dead scared that her fear of that pup would transfer to other dogs, and I didn't want that to happen. but I'm learning that Trixie doesn't have anything against a dog until it offends her first. then she holds a grudge! My god, whoever said dogs didn't hold grudges hasn't met mine.

then, at the wedding, another groomsman had a guide dog too. but for some reason his parents were holding onto it for him...and they were nice enough to give me a ride between the wedding and reception, which were in different towns and timed a couple of hours apart. I couldn't thank them enough for letting me go to their house between wedding and reception. It made the tasks of feeding and relieving Trixie very easy, and Trixie got to meet his guide dog. God those two dogs had fun, and he became a big ol' showoff. At one point, he dropped a bone in front of Trixie as if to say, "Play with this." when she didn't, he ran away with it. I swear he said, "too slo! You lose!"

The wedding was awesome. I barely knew the bride at all, but the speeches from her and her bride's maids made me wanna cry. The food was great, and Trixie behaved herself perfectly...except at the end when she got tired and tried to see if she could dive for stuff. but other than that little moment, she was perfect, following folks wherever we needed to go, hanging out under the table and being quiet as a mouse, just being gorgeous.

then I got home and found out that this summer, we might be able to meet up with her puppy raisers! They're going to be on this side of Niagara Falls, which is a lot closer than Sacramento. I'm so excited I can't stop thinking about it. I want them to see that Trixie is still fit as a fiddle, happy, and most importantly, awesome!

...Which brings me to the fears side of things. I'm afraid she may be silly as all hell with them present and they'll be left with a less than stellar vision of what she's like. There's a silly part of me that is worried about the logistics of our initial meeting. I mean, should we meet in a train or bus station? Trixie may catch sight of them and mow down half the station to reach them. Sure she's a working dog and knows the difference between work and play...but these are the people who raised her from puppyhood. I could understand if she lost it and went for them.

But these are small things and I'm sure it'll all work out and it'll be a fun time for all. if it can happen at all, it's going to.

Remember I mentioned a wile ago that my neighbours were going to be proud parents soon? Well, the baby isn't born yet, but it will be soon soon soon! But the funny new thing Trixie does is whenever she can greet my neighbour, she runs up to her and sniffs her belly. Can you smell baby in there?

I had a funny thing happen the other day when I was out with Trix on flexi. Whenever I put her on the flexi, I put the harness and leash on my shoulder. I've never had a problem with the leash falling off in the summer. In the snow, I clip the leash to my coat zipper so if I slip, it won't go flying. Well, the other day it fell off when I was in the grass. Damn it I didn't have a hope of finding it.

Just then, someone came by. I stopped him and asked him if he could do me a favour. I asked him if anywhere near me he could see...and as I was about to describe the leash, he said "dog shit?" I laughed and said no, but if there was some that I somehow hadn't noticed I'd pick it up. He said no and then found the leashfor me. But I've never had someone put it that bluntly before.

After two years with Trixie, I had my first almost denial of access. But it all worked out, so it wasn't a major deal. I went to a restaurant to get some takeout. Once I had it, I said I was going to call a cab. They said they would call it for me. I didn't get a chance to tell them to mention my guide dog. I know I don't have to, but I do this just because I don't want a guy to show up with severe alergies and really not be able to take her. but I've heard that half the time when I say this, the message doesn't reach the cabbies anyway, so I wasn't too wirried.

when the cab showed up, it was driven by a man with a heavy accent who said "Oh, you have a dog." Another bystander and I explained to him that it was a guide dog and he still said, "Oh it's a dog. I dont' think I can take her." After a couple of go-rounds, I said "Do you have severe alergies?" He said he did. So I said I'd call another cab and reached for my cellphone. Then the man started to skitter. "No no no no! come back! Get in! It's ok! Get in!" Then the story changed to "some owners of the cars don't want dogs in the car." I told him that if they had a problem with it, they really didn't have a leg to stand on because it was the law, and if they had a problem, they must be an extraordinarily small group of them because I've used this same cab company for two years and I've never been denied access before. then the story changed to "my face will be itchy all night." to that I said you should have let me call another cab then.

I have another theory. I think he was muslim, and I know a lot of muslim folk like to try and use their religion as a reason to not take the dog. I mean, if his alergies were that bad, he would have let me call another cab. And he wouldn't have got out of his door and run around to mine, even though I was offering to hand him the money so he didn't have to move from his seat.

Luckily for me, the bystander got his cab number, so I didn't care what he went on about, I was letting the company know that he needed a bit of education. I did, and the manager was awesome about it. I stressed that he wasn't evil, he just needed a bit of education about the rights of guide dog-handlers, and I told him that I'd never had a problem with his company before.

This brings me to another point that I have to stress. Why do people feel they have to do my advocacy for me? I have a mouth and I'm quite able to use it. I didn't mind when she was helping me explain to the guy that a guide dog has special rights. the guy had trouble with English, so two voices might be better than one. what I have a problem with is this: I came home and immediately called the cab company asking who I could lodge a complaint with. The first words out of the dispatcher's mouth were "Is this the lady with the seeing eye dog? We already had a woman call about that." whaaat? I guess the woman who helped me get his cab number was afraid I wouldn't be able to remember his cab number even though it was just one digit. Ug. In this case, it wasn't a big deal, but I had another woman call on my behalf when it was completely unwanted and uncalled-for.

Not long after I got Trixie, I went to a store and bought a bunch of shit so I had to cab home. The cabby said "the seats are leather so can your dog stay on the floor?" I said no prob, that's where she belongs anyway. I got in, we drove off, all was good. About an hour later, I had a knock on my door. It was the cabby! How he got into the building I don't know, probably followed someone, but there he was. He said someone had complained to the cab company that he had refused my dog. I was completely in shock. He was pleading with me to clear his name. He too is muslim I'm pretty sure, so didn't need this mark on him. Not like anyone does, but...I think they get accused easier. so I had to phone the cab company and fix it for him. then I had to call the store and find out what happened. the lady said she was appalled that he made the dog go on the floor and the seats weren't leather, hell they looked plastic. I told her I knew she meant well, but next time, check with me before calling and reporting someone on my behalf.

so please, everybody, unless you see that I'm horribly unmatched and indire need of an advocate, plese let me fight my own battles. I'm not too shabby at it. If you want to help, especially in the sense of making calls about me whenI'm not present, check with me first, ok?

Here's a new one for ya. Have you ever had someone say "I won't pet your dog..." while petting it? I had that yesterday, and busted the person at it. I've never seen someone skitter off so fast. This woman who was obviously a bit slow kept saying "that's a working dog so I'm not gonna touch it." At first I said thank you for not petting her. But then I stopped in an aisle. She came up behind me repeatedly saying "Not gonna touch your dog, not gonna touch it. Not gonna touch it.." ThenI felt it! Pet pet pet. I grabbed her hand and said "Excuse me, if you know better, then please do the right thing." She was gone, gone gone gone. Hey Joe Public, I'm not dumb.

I think that's about it. Hope you enjoyed my Trixie ramblings.

Maybe Cadie?

I'm so confused. Maybe I'm a bear of very little brain just like Winnie the Pooh after all.

Ok, where do I begin? Well, I guess where I stumbled across this. When I was reading my Top Tech Tidbits, I came across a site called Access On Main Street. It's basically a giant pile of mainstream apps/gadgets/anything and everything in between that either by accident or design, is accessible to someone with a disability.

One of the things they mentioned was Cadie, or Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed Intelligence Entity. Yeah, I prefer Cadie. Anyway, they said that this Cadie thing could be put in an app that could search your brain and tell you as you approached someone if you actually knew them and then tell you what you knew, and they said it would help folks with Alzheimer's disease. They said this video would make that point abundantly clear. Except... it doesn't for me. there is no audio except for that groovy Nintendo-like song.

So, three questions. what happens in the video? I wanna know.

Second, how does it exactly search your brain?

And, um..uh...erm...if your brain has become flawed due to alzheimer's, how is this thing going to be helpful? I would assume it's only as good as the source material, and if that material has degraded, how could it be able to make any more sense of it than the person?

Hello Transcendent Man, How's it goin'?