These Dreams Can go Get Lost In space

Ok, Mr. Sandman can stop bringing me bad dreams. He can stop right now. I had another one about Trixie. Come on! Why is my mind tormenting me?

I dreamed that for some unknown reason, I was selected to go to space as some kind of experiment. I didn't really understand why I'd been selected. I knew I'd be gone for a while. that's all. I'd just gotten home from another trip when I got the call that I was supposed to come outside and get on a bus that would take me to the launch area. Trix and I got on the bus. We had to make some stops first. I then was worried if I'd have enough food for Trixie. Then I started to panic. I mean, I could actually feel the panic. I couldn't breathe, my heart began to race. I was about to go to space with Trixie! Suddenly, strains of Jonathan Coulton's Space doggity, a song about the first dog in space, began to float through my head, along with this excerpt from his post about the song.

In doing my “research” I discovered that Russian scientists recently released the truth about what happened to her during the launch, which is that she died just a few hours into it, and not after a week as they originally claimed. She died from stress and overheating (the cooling system malfunctioned and it was 104F in there) but mostly she died from being LAUNCHED INTO SPACE IN A FUCKING ROCKET.

It repeated in an infinite loop, louder and louder and louder, especially the last sentence. "She died from being launched into space in a fucking rocket!" "launched into space in a fucking rocket!" "Launched into space..." "Fucking rocket!" "Rocket!"

I was terrified that I was about to kill Trixie, my wonder dog. I was going to kill her because I was too selfish to see what I was doing, too short-sighted to think ahead. I couldn't breathe. Hell,I couldn't form a coherent sentence to the mission commander. I was panicking on the bus, the bus bound for the launch. I called my neighbour, and asked if she and her husband would take care of my dog. She said they couldn't, and told me not to worry. That did not ease things at all. I called the counselor associated with the school, and began to spew my fears to her. She would not confirm or deny their validity. She just kept saying "Uh-huh? Uh-huh? Uh-huh?" I even called myself a myriad of names, and she would not reassure me. She just kept saying "Only you can decide what's right for you and your dog."

I decided that I didn't need to go to space after all, and if I couldn't convey my thoughts to the head guy, I would bail from the bus using whatever means necesary.

But then a set of new fears came to me. what if this would kill Trixie too? What if I had gotten us into a place where no matter what I did, she was going to die? If I hadn't have taken this risk, would she have been ok? Then I woke up!

Where in the name of all that's holy is this coming from? I don't like the feeling of palpable fear in my dreams. The last time I could feel things this vividly, my endocrine system was getting all messed up. But everything seems fine now, so I guess I'll just keep an eye on it. but more than that, what evil part of my brain is accusing me of not thinking of Trixie's needs, or fulfilling my needs at the expense of hers? I think that's what the dream meant. I mean, at the end, I decided to get out of the bus no matter the cost, but still! Why am I having Trixie-abandonment dreams again? They can piss off.

My Poor dog, Getting all the Blame

I feel like I'm repeating myself, but whatever. I guess repetition is good.

Let me try and explain something once and for all. When I'm standing at the corner getting ready to cross the street, my dog does not decide when it's safe to go. I do. If I say go and she sees cars coming that would for sure hit us, she can refuse to move. But if nothing's in front of us and I say go, she's going to go. She does not interpret street lights. Most dogs are colour-blind.

I'm saying this because of something someone said to me the other day. I was standing at an intersection where the traffic is kinda hard to hear. It also has an advanced green. I heard the advanced green start and counted to five, which is usually a safe bet for hitting the green for me. I told her to go. We started off, and a dude blew through in front of us. Trix slowed down enough so we wouldn't be road meat and then we kept going. When I got to the other side, a guy ran over to me and said "Your dog was wrong. She went on the advanced green." I explained to him that in fact I was the one who was wrong, I decide when we cross, but thanks for letting me know. I heard no more out of him. I don't know whether he was still there, or he'd felt he'd done his part to impart his wisdom and had run off before waiting for a response. People like to do that.

It's always extremes with people. I've talked about this before in the context of corrections, but I also see it in terms of guiding. People think one of two things. The first seems to be she does absolutely nothing for me. For example, they'll say "You won't be able to get through there, there's too many obstacles and constructi...ok. she just got you through it!" or they think I have to take an arm. Unless she's being a tool, she'll follow you. Swing the other way, and I meet people who think I'm just hanging onto the handle and the dog is taking me with no input from me whatsoever. No, that's why we're a *team*. I decide where we're going, she gets me around obstacles, warns me of stairs and makes sure I don't get crushed by cars. So, if she took me crookedly across the street, that would be a dog-related screw-up. If she slammed me into a pole or stopped to sniff it, that would be a dog-related screw-up. Deciding when to go is not a dog-related screw-up.

This is going to sound strange, but I think I'll jump for joy if I meet someone who says "You went at the wrong time" instead of "Your dog screwed up." that will mean I'm talking to someone who knows how the guide dog thing works.

Have Fun Explaining To The Kids Why All Of Their Presents Have The Blood From Your Hands On Them

A while back when I mentionedhow dumb I think Black Friday is,things like this were exactly what I had in mind.

A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday when "out-of-control" shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale. Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers shouted angrily and kept shopping when store officials said they were closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries, and the store in Valley Stream on Long Island closed for several hours before reopening.

Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store. When told to leave, they complained that they had been in line since Thursday morning.

Nassau County police said about 2,000 people were gathered outside the store doors at the mall about 20 miles east of Manhattan. The impatient crowd knocked the man, identified by police as Jdimytai Damour of Queens, to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion.

"This crowd was out of control," said Nassau police spokesman Lt. Michael Fleming. He described the scene as "utter chaos," and said the store didn't have enough security.

Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd, Fleming said.

I'd like to think I'm stating the obvious when I say that none of these people are on a level even close to human beings. This is just disgusting.

A Question And a Big Thank You, Mr. Postman.

Here's another episode of postal what the hell? today I got parcel cards. They told me where I was supposed to go to get these parcels. So off I went. I arrive at 1:30 or so, and the person looks at me, all sad. "You're parcels aren't here yet." she says. "the delivery driver doesn't bring them until 5!

then why does the mail carrier drop off parcel cards saying "Come pick up your parcel." if it's not there yet?

I was some pissed by this, since I just walked all the way there in the damn snow. Let's do a quick check of maps to see how far it was. According to MapQuest, I walked 1.62 miles in the damn snow. they felt all sad about this, and later, they called me and delivered the parcels to the door! How cool is that? I now love my new parcel pickup zone.

But that still begs the question. why drop off parcel cards for parcels that can't be picked up yet? Is it just that they're banking on people being at work all day and not seeing the cards until later? It's weird, that's for sure.

Mr. Dummy, Meet A Bunch Of Cops Who Feel Like Dummies.

This would have been really embarrassing. An alarm went off at a bank, so cops showed up. They saw what looked like a figure standing inside. The blinds were drawn so it was hard to see. They started yelling at the figure through bullhorns, then tried to phone inside. they sealed off the area and evacuated a bunch of people from nearby apartments. When they could get no response, they forced their way in and addressed...a full-sized cardboard figure! this was after 90 minutes of evacuating, talking, yelling and sealing off the area.

What I can't figure out is whether the real robbers actually took anything. That wasn't mentioned. It was a slick plan, that's for sure, and I'm sure some cops are very pissed off right now.

I Wish I Was Third Ear Deaf

A hearty congratulations goes out to the grade 7 kid with ADD who wrotethis songand sold it to Third Eye Blind.

Please, somebody, explain to me what the hell is going on lyrically here. We're going from KFC to breakfast to Iraq to punk bands to implants and terror alerts to...I'm not even sure anymore. And check out the part in the middle where they just completely lose track of everything. If you can't figure out where that is, here's a hint: gay Republicaaaaaaaaaaaaaans!

I'm all for making political statements through song, but it'd be nice if you didn't try to cram every one you've ever had into the same one, fellas. I know you've been out of the spotlight for a while and theoretically have a lot to say, but Jimminy Christmas, let's slow it down a tad, ok?

On the plus side, I give them points for the real vs. artificial non dairy creamer metaphor that the song is built on. It had me howling with laughter. What? it's not supposed to be funny? Uh-oh...well...hmmm...this isn't going well at all. Why do I imagine my last sentence also being spoken by the people that recorded this?

After some more of whatever the hell this is culminating with the repeated singing of mission accomplished, the song ends with about a minute of pointless playing that leads pretty well nowhere, which when you stop and think about it, makes perfect sense.

I hope this is an unfinished version of the song, and that they plan on fixing it up at some point. and by fixing it up, I mean deciding not to release it to radio. Listening to it once or twice was funny, but you know how radio is about these things. For the sake of everybody, we can't let that happen.

Stop the Bus!

Remember how I said I was going to write a letter to the editor thanking the bus folk for calling out stops? Now I wish I'd never sent it because by the time it ran, I'd found that more often than not, stops aren't called.

Here's what I said:

Dear Editor - I want to express my thanks that finally, the long-awaited calling of bus stops is happening.

I am blind, so in the past in order to get off at the right spot, I had to figure out approximately how long it took to reach a given bus stop. Because this was an approximation, I would always ask the driver to let me know when we reached it.

Most times, this worked out fine. But sometimes, for whatever reason, a driver would forget.

I would have no clue until it was too late, and there I'd be.

Drivers always did the best they could to set things right. But now they won't have to, because all stops are being called, and I can pull my own bell just like everybody else.

I did that for the first time last week, and although it may not seem like much to most people, it was pretty neat to know I was getting off exactly where I should be, without any guessing.

To all the bus drivers, thank you for calling out stops.

I know it's probably a bit annoying for you, but you're making everyone with a visual impairment very, very happy.

This will make bus travel so much easier for us, and I can't express my appreciation enough.

I've been keeping track, and out of the 13 buses I've taken this week, only 3 called out stops, and 2 were driven by the same dude and a third had another employee on board. Hmmm.

Every time I'd get off the bus, I'd ask a non-calling driver why they weren't calling out stops. Finally, one had the balls to actually speak up and explain why this was happening, instead of just mumbling, or acting as if they were deaf.

Oh yeah, seemingly deaf bus driver that pulled his bus into the middle of the road, it would have been nice to tell me that I was about to step off into something that wasn't sidewalk. Thank ya, thank ya very much.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. The guy who finally answered me with at least a reason for this said that most drivers find it a safety concern to read the card and drive.

this is puzzling to me, for two reasons. Of course it would be dangerous to read the card and drive if your eyes are glued to the card. So why not, when you're dropping someone off at a stop or picking someone up, read a few stops and memorize them. You already know the route by heart even if you don't know the names of the streets you stop at. It wouldn't take long before you wouldn't need the card, I would think.

And if it's so difficult to drive and do other things, then why do I see lots of bus drivers monkeying with their fare-boxes, their displayed sign, having long and involved conversations with passengers, all manner of things. I'm sure, with a little work, they could master this. They just don't want to. Hel, I watched a bus driver who*was* calling stops discussing at length how this stop-calling was sooo distracting. If it's so distracting, don't take on another task, lady!

I don't know what to think, since I've never driven a bus, or a car for that matter. But I'd think there could be ways of adapting if there was the will. And there just isn't. I've already called the supervisor. In fact, I called her Tuesday from a bus that wasn't calling stops. I'm still waiting for a call back. She's been cool before, so I have faith that I'll at least hear news of some variety.

Hopefully my letter to the editor, even though it doesn't accurately express how I feel about how this is going, explains to bus drivers that some people do appreciate it and this yelling out bus stops isn't just some new stupid regulation.

Please, Mr. Postman

Here's a note to the nice folks delivering the tons of mail right now. I know you're busy. I know you're on a deadline. But when you decide to leave a parcel in the lobby for me to pick up, and you say you're going to leave it on the bench, leave it on the bench. If you're going to leave it by the door, please, for the love of Pete, say you're leaving it by the door! Don't tell me you'll leave it on the bench and then change your mind. That leaves me groping the bench like an idiot and then thinking somebody stole my parcel. Luckily, somebody came by and saved me from searching every inch of the lobby, but gees! I guess it's my fault because I didn't tell him I was blind and to be precise, but I figured "I'm going to leave it on the bench." was a pretty easy thing to understand. I guess not.

Nope, That Land Mine Wasn't Combat-Related

Oh boy, here we go, with more reasons to call the Pentagon a bunch of pricks. We've talked about their previous bullshit before. Now, thanks to a quiet change in legislation, soldiers can even get blown up in Iraq and if they're not hit by shrapnel or a bullet, their disabilities are not considered combat-related. Why should this surprise me anymore?

I hope the Dog At Least Bit Him But Good First

What kind of sick freak would put a dog in an oven? I'm betting this asshole knew the lady and was doing this as some kind of sick way of scaring her. What a horrible human being.

This...This Offends Me

Here are the results of a poll on the Wrestling Observer/F4W website.

Should Vladimir Kozlov stay in the Smackdown title picture

Yes 28.1%

No 71.9%

This tells us one of four things:
1. 28.1% of people voting did not see the Survivor Series.
2. 28.1% of votes cast were submitted by the family Kozlov.
3. 28.1% of those voting in these polls enjoy their own pain as well as the misery of others.
4. 28.1% of voters are just utter, utter fools.

$40 Well Saved

I just finished watching the Survivor Series, a show that as I wrote over the weekend, Iwasn't at all looking forward to and was not paying for under any circumstances.As the title of this post suggests, I made the right choice.

It wasn't as bad as I feared aside from the beyond terrible HHH vs. Vladimir Kozlov match. I think it only went for about 15 minutes, but it felt like no less than an hour. In the end it paid off with the great Edge return, but I'll never forgive WWE for what I had to sit through waiting for that moment.

Cena and Jericho put on a really enjoyable match. I'm not a fan of Cena winning the title as I thought there was a lot they could do with either Jericho or Batista spoiling his big comeback, but what are ya gonna do? The kids love the guy and sometimes you have to send them home happy. It's just too bad that they made a few people's nights at the expense of long-term thinking. I really need to stop being surprised by that I know.

the rest of the show, to be honest, isn't even worth reviewing. It existed, that's about all I can say. Had I paid for it I think I would have been pretty offended, but being smarter than a few hundred thousand people has its advantages sometimes. If you enjoyed it I'm happy for you, but to me it was a show that they could plug into the 3-hour Raw coming up in a couple of weeks without anybody knowing the difference. As a free Raw special it isn't too bad of a show, but since I tend to hold 40 dollar pay-per-views to a higher standard, it's not worth watching.

My Dreams Are Going to The Dogs Again!

Man! I had a weird dream. I love it when I have a dream this weird because it's worth writing down, even if I hate the dream itself.

I dreamed that I had to retire Trixie. I hate it when I dream things like this. I think I dreamed the same thing around this time last year. It was the one where Chuck told me to take her to the police station. I know I didn't post it until February, but I dreamed it earlier.

Anyway, last night, I dreamed I had to get a new dog, and for some unknown reason I went to The Seeing Eye to get one. In my dream, everything about this place sucked the high hardone. I got there, and no one knew what my phone number would be. Hell, I couldn't even dial to get my messages! They wouldn't give me an orientation, just told me to figure it out, it was all part of showing them I was independent. But then when I found the place to eat, they were asking me things like "Have you ever put food into garbage before?" This must have been because of the books I read, and how a lot of the blinks who went there needed more than just training to get a dog.

Anyway, nobody else seemed to know much about the school, or guide dogs for that matter. It was just then that I realized I didn't have the hundred bucks for them that you have to pay to get your dog. And again, like in all the other dreams, it was then that I couldn't figure out for the llife of me why I was here. Trixie was a stellar guide! Why would I retire her? Why would I be at this place? Why did I choose TheSeeing Eye? Why?

And then I woke up. What's up with me and all my dreams like this? What's it going to be like when I really do have to retire the Trixter years down the road? Am I going to dream that she's brand new?

Can We Put This To A Vote Once We Find A Way To Say We're Stupid And Sorry Without Actually Saying So?

Carleton student council to rethink Shinerama cancellation

I'd prefer repeal, but at least we're getting somewhere. We're probably getting somewhere based on the reaction of the sense making segments of the world rather than student leaders coming to whatever senses they may happen to have to come to, but I'll take what I can get.

Brittany Smyth, president of CUSA, said Wednesday that the motion caused so much confusion that it's probably better to look again at the idea of supporting a rotating series of charities instead of just the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

"By no means do we want anyone to think that our council or students at Carleton don't support research for cystic fibrosis," Smyth said. "It's definitely a very worthwhile charity and we want to clear up that confusion."

I know that voting on stuff regardless of whether or not it's in anybody's best interests or whether or not anybody actually understands what they're voting on or even whether or not it has any basis in fact whatsoever is well established government procedure, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world has to do it too. If the thing is confusing, fix it and try again! Is this stuff really that hard?

Who Wants To Tell Him He's Doing It Wrong?

Lap dancing 'not sexual act' claims head of club organisation

Lap dancing "is not sexually stimulating", the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association told a parliamentary committee today.

Simon Warr made the claim, which was greeted with scepticism by MPs, while he was giving evidence to the Commons culture committee as part of an inquiry into the operation of the Licensing Act.

The government is under pressure to change the act so that lap dancing clubs have to be licensed as sex encounter establishments.

At the moment, they are licensed in the same way as pubs and clubs, which has led to complaints from councils who believe that they do not have the power to stop clubs being opened in their areas.

In their evidence to committee, Warr and colleagues from the Lap Dancing Association claimed that their clubs should not be classified as sex encounter establishments because they were providing hospitality, not sexual services.

But Warr astonished the committed when he argued that sexual stimulation was not part of the clubs' attraction.

"One of the biggest problems we face is that not enough people understand the business blueprint of our clubs," he said.

"Actually, our premises are not sexually stimulating. It would be contrary to our business plan if they were."

At this point, Philip Davies, the Tory MP for Shipley who was questioning Warr, said he found that hard to believe.

"You are saying that the purpose of a lap dancing club is not to be sexually stimulating? Most people would find that a rather incredible claim," Davies said.

Warr replied: "Then you need to go to a club, because the purpose of a club is to provide entertainment. It's to provide alcohol, it's a place of leisure.

"All right, the entertainment may be in the form of nude or semi-nude performers, but it's not sexually stimulating."

Davies responded with even more astonishment.

"So if I did a straw poll of all the customers who came out a lap dancing club and said 'Did you find that in any way sexually stimulating?' I would find a big resounding fat zero? On that basis you would have a lot of dissatisfied customers."

Warr replied by asking: "How do you measure sexual stimulation. What is the definition of sexual stimulation?"

I'm positive this guy was either a lawyer or Bill Clinton ("It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is.") in a previous life.

Police Navidad

Good idea: Stopping off at headquarters to present the police with a nice Christmas wreath to let them know that you appreciate all the hard work they put in.
Bad idea:unlawfully obtaining said wreath from the market next door.

Robert E. Dendy, 59, 290 Fletcher St., Apt. 3, wanted police to know how grateful he was for all the hard work they do, and presented them with a Christmas wreath as a token of his appreciation.

The authorities lived up to Dendy’s high estimation of their sleuthing skills with some quick thinking and a call to the Tops market just next door to the 200 Niagara St. station, where is appears the man had stolen the decoration before presenting it to the cops.

Dendy was still in the parking lot when he was questioned, then searched by the police, revealing at least 26 other items allegedly taken from a nearby Dollar Tree store.

CF May Only Affect White Guys, But Ignorance Spares No One

If people liketheseare the future leaders of our nations, to put it bluntly, we're all fucked.

The Carleton University Students Association has voted overwhelmingly in favour of no longer taking part in the annual Shinerama fundraiser, an event that raises money for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation because, they say, the disease mostly affects white men and is therefore not inclusive enough to support.

I have no clue where they got this idea, and apparently nobody else does either as the source of this breaking news was never stated.

Brittany Smyth, president of the student association, says that she has been trying to get in touch with people at the foundation to let them know that the university isn't making the switch for the wrong reason, though again, there's no mention of what the right reason could possibly be. She went on to say that the white people stuff wasn't the determining factor in the vote, though how else one could interpret the following is beyond me.

Motion to drop Shinerama fundraising campaign from Orientation Week

Whereas Orientation week strives to be inclusive as possible

Whereas all orientees and volunteers should feel like their fundraising efforts will serve their diverse communities

And whereas cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men

Be it further resolved that: The CUSA representatives on the incoming Orientation Supervisory Board work to select a new broad reaching charity for orientation week.

Source: CUSA

I wonder if any of these people, save for the one guy who voted against this garbage, stopped to think about what kind of message they're sending. I'm going to make a pretty safe guess and say no, because it's been my experience that thinking is pretty low on the priority list for a lot of these student union types. But if any of them are interested in what that message is, it can be summed up in 2 simple words. We're racists. Saying that because a disease primarily afflicts only one type of person we're not going to help is pretty damn discriminatory if you ask me. And if you don't agree, perhaps it's time to hit the books, specifically that big one that has all those definitions in it and read up on what the word inclusive actually means. If you truly want to be inclusive, this only white people shit has got to go. Truly being inclusive means that you only see one type of person, the human type. Saying that you're inclusive sends the message that you don't see colours or disabilities, and that no matter what you happen to be, you're no less of a person. Therefore it follows that those white guys are just as deserving of the help of the Indian or the African as the Indian and the African are of the help of the white guys you're forsaking in your quest to appease whatever wingnut political correctness god you happen to be worshipping this week.

In closing, let it be resolved that you get a clue. If you want to support a different charity that's fine, but coming up with bogus and racist reasons for trying to get out of supporting the current one and then denying that those reasons had anything to do with it even though they were important enough to write down are not the right means to that end.

How Did Nobody See That One Coming?

Recently sentenced to 12 years in prison for repeatedly sexually abusing 2 young girls over a 5 year period was David Albert Lemus, known in some circles asTrim-Trim the Clown.

30 Teams in 60 Words

So we're about 1/4 of the way through the NHL season so maybe it's time to take a tour around the league and see what 2 words come to mind for every team in the league at this point. Some are a statement on how the team has preformed, others on how I feel about them - and some just on the general position in the league.

And heeeere we go!

Anaheim Ducks - Below expectations
Atlanta Thrashers - Who cares?
Boston Bruins - Holy shit!
Buffalo Sabres - Too fast
Calgary Flames - Tough team
Carolina Hurricanes - You suck
Chicago Blackhawks - JONOTHAN TOEWES!!!!!
Colorado Avalanche - Get'er goin'! (so i cheated - blow me!)
Columbus Blue Jackets - Relocation, anyone?
Dallas Stars - Fuckin' Avery!
Detroit Red Wings - Likely repeating
Edmonton Oilers - Next year
Florida Panthers - Bankruptcy, anyone?
Los Angeles Kings - AWFUL goaltending.
Minnesota Wild - Try offense
Montreal Canadiens - Eastern Champions
Nashville Predators - GIVE UP!!!
New Jersey Devils - Hangin' tough
New York Islanders - John Tavares
New York Rangers - Great start
Ottawa Senators - Eat shit!
Philadelphia Flyers - Carter's amazing!
Phoenix Coyotes - Winnipeg calling
Pittsburgh Penguins - Where's Sidney??
San Jose Shakrs - Best team
St. Louis Blues - Enjoy Steen..... (hahahaha)
Tampa Bay Lightning - Play Stamkos!!
Toronto Maple Leafs - God's team!
Vancouver Canucks - big surprise
Washington Capitals - Ovechkin dominates

More Cutting Edge Research From The University Of You Dont' Say

And now it's time for another episode of For The Love Of God, Stop Funding This Crap!

A recent study conducted by "researchers" at the University of Wollongong has found thatuniversity students use the labels on alcohol bottles, the ones that are meant to encourage responsible drinking, to figure out what will get them drunkest the fastest and for the least amount of money.

Somebody can straighten me out if I'm wrong, but I believe Wollongong is an old Australian term that literally translates to du-fucking-uh.