3 weeks ago
Monday, February 28, 2011
Yikes! That's Fat!
Remember Donna Simpson? Well, somebody found a YouTube video of this chick. Holy fat voice, batman. Wow, that's just sad. I really don't have any more words.
Really, It's Pronounced Thibodaux.
This story of a fellow who couldn't spell Robert Taylor is even funnier than the story of Coronica Jackson, or something, which I swear we posted about, but I can't for the life of me find it on the blog.
I do have to give Amos Ashley some credit. At least he didn't pick an alias that was close to his own name. But it would help if he mastered spelling the alias. Spelling the first name Rorth, and then verbally spelling his name Rerert" "Tayloer" sorta kinda gave him away.
And all he got stopped for was a routine traffic stop. Not so much anymore.
I do have to give Amos Ashley some credit. At least he didn't pick an alias that was close to his own name. But it would help if he mastered spelling the alias. Spelling the first name Rorth, and then verbally spelling his name Rerert" "Tayloer" sorta kinda gave him away.
And all he got stopped for was a routine traffic stop. Not so much anymore.
The Future of Shopping At Future Shop Just Got Brighter!
Yes! Yes! Yes! It's so good to bring good accessibility-related news. Sometimes, I get so mired in the bad, the futile attempts to make things better. It's so nice to see a victory, and here it is.
I wish I could say I had more of a hand in this. I did write that old Future Shop post, and I tried to make a few calls to the store and head office. But I was either thwarted by their phone system or the manager was not available. So I sure didn't have much to do with this. But the point is by September, there will be tactile overlays at all the Future Shop and Best Buy stores in Canada. No more flat screen debit pads we can't use! Yes!
And hey, Hypercom? The ones who designed the debit pads that Future Shop and Best Buy bought? Think of the blind next time, ok?
I wish I could say I had more of a hand in this. I did write that old Future Shop post, and I tried to make a few calls to the store and head office. But I was either thwarted by their phone system or the manager was not available. So I sure didn't have much to do with this. But the point is by September, there will be tactile overlays at all the Future Shop and Best Buy stores in Canada. No more flat screen debit pads we can't use! Yes!
And hey, Hypercom? The ones who designed the debit pads that Future Shop and Best Buy bought? Think of the blind next time, ok?
Looks Like These Criminals Are Out Of Gas
This is almost as bad as the shop with a cop incident, or the use a counterfeit cheque amid 40 police cruisers incident. The only thing that makes it *almost* as bad is the fact that these two dumbasses only tried to rob the place in front of 4 police officers.
Jacob Wallace and Robert Martin were so bent on robbing the gas station that they failed to notice the 4 cops having coffee inside. They had no choice but to notice them after they took their loot that they didn't pay for out to their car and were promptly chased down and arrested.
Sometimes the cops have to go searching for crime, and sometimes it just shows up in their laps.
Jacob Wallace and Robert Martin were so bent on robbing the gas station that they failed to notice the 4 cops having coffee inside. They had no choice but to notice them after they took their loot that they didn't pay for out to their car and were promptly chased down and arrested.
Sometimes the cops have to go searching for crime, and sometimes it just shows up in their laps.
A Half Apology, A War On Spam And Some New Words For Snowstorm
Even though it's for your own good in the long run, I sort of feel like Carin and I might owe an undetermined number of you a bit of an explanation/apology for yesterday.
I have no idea how far this spread since everyone on Twitter doesn't follow everyone else, but yesterday morning, after making the mistake of talking about Visas the night before, the both of us woke up to an absolute deluge of spam mentions. We reported them as such, but also happened to start a conversation about bad words to say on Twitter. Well, one thing led to another and before we could say wouldn't it be cool to round up a bunch of people and get all of them to hang out some magic spammer bait words so the spammers can talk to us all and then we'll whack 'em, we'd rounded up a bunch of people who had a great time hanging out magic spammer bait words and reporting everyone who dared try selling us credit cards, iPhones, pizza coupons, diet pills...you get the idea.
Again, no clue how runaway this train got, but our little core group is still kind of at it today, and Carin and I both got comments from people throughout yesterday telling us how great an idea this was. So for all we know there could be other armies of spam baiters out there now, fighting the good fight. Were I the type to believe in stuff like there being a lord, I'd think we are definitely doing his work. I'm sure the world will never defeat spam entirely, but if a few of us can beat it back and make life hell on even one of these sumbitches, it's all worth it.
but back to absolute deluges. If you ended up getting flattened by a torrent of tweets about credit cards and loans being used to buy iPhones on which to order pizza and Viagra, we're maybe just a touch sorry about that. but remember, we're only trying to help. And if you're so inclined, feel free to join the cause. Help us clean up Twitter, one marketing dickhead at a time.
On another note, if you're anything like myself and Carin, you're about quarter past tired of hearing people saying things like snowmageddon and Snowpocalypse when talking about snowstorms. It was funny once, but I forget when that was. We've decided that the world needs some new words, and that those words should be used as a teaching tool to get people interested in current events or even increase celebrity awareness, not that that second one is really a good idea. We only have a few so far, so feel free to help us out. Maybe we can cause more trouble on Twitter or something.
Ok, here's the list as it stands now.
If you've got anymore, emails, comments and tweets are welcomed.
And now that I have wasted your time with whatever this post was, I shall move on. Good day, everyone.
I have no idea how far this spread since everyone on Twitter doesn't follow everyone else, but yesterday morning, after making the mistake of talking about Visas the night before, the both of us woke up to an absolute deluge of spam mentions. We reported them as such, but also happened to start a conversation about bad words to say on Twitter. Well, one thing led to another and before we could say wouldn't it be cool to round up a bunch of people and get all of them to hang out some magic spammer bait words so the spammers can talk to us all and then we'll whack 'em, we'd rounded up a bunch of people who had a great time hanging out magic spammer bait words and reporting everyone who dared try selling us credit cards, iPhones, pizza coupons, diet pills...you get the idea.
Again, no clue how runaway this train got, but our little core group is still kind of at it today, and Carin and I both got comments from people throughout yesterday telling us how great an idea this was. So for all we know there could be other armies of spam baiters out there now, fighting the good fight. Were I the type to believe in stuff like there being a lord, I'd think we are definitely doing his work. I'm sure the world will never defeat spam entirely, but if a few of us can beat it back and make life hell on even one of these sumbitches, it's all worth it.
but back to absolute deluges. If you ended up getting flattened by a torrent of tweets about credit cards and loans being used to buy iPhones on which to order pizza and Viagra, we're maybe just a touch sorry about that. but remember, we're only trying to help. And if you're so inclined, feel free to join the cause. Help us clean up Twitter, one marketing dickhead at a time.
On another note, if you're anything like myself and Carin, you're about quarter past tired of hearing people saying things like snowmageddon and Snowpocalypse when talking about snowstorms. It was funny once, but I forget when that was. We've decided that the world needs some new words, and that those words should be used as a teaching tool to get people interested in current events or even increase celebrity awareness, not that that second one is really a good idea. We only have a few so far, so feel free to help us out. Maybe we can cause more trouble on Twitter or something.
Ok, here's the list as it stands now.
- Snowsni Mubarak
- Snowbodan Milošević
- snowmar Gaddafi
- Snowe Piscosnow
- Snowddam Hussein
- Snowsama Bin Laden
- Snowlin Powell
Yes, that one's probably too easy.
If you've got anymore, emails, comments and tweets are welcomed.
And now that I have wasted your time with whatever this post was, I shall move on. Good day, everyone.
What A William Melchert-Dinkelberry
I heard about this William Melchert-Dinkel creep on Fifth Estate. I appear to have already set the tone for this story. His deal is he is fascinated with suicide and hangings. So, he logs on to chat rooms and finds depressed folk who look like they're on the edge. He then pretends to be a female emergency room nurse who has seen one too many botched suicides and tells suicidal folk that hanging is the best way to end it. Then he convinces the real suicidal person that he also wants to kill himself, and they should do it together via webcam! Nobody followed him up on the webcam part, but at least two people did follow through on their plan.
Now, the disgusting little creep is on trial, and his attorney is trying to say that although his actions are disgusting, they're not a crime because they're under free speech. How does that even work in a place that has a law against aiding in or advising suicide? Telling people "hanging is the best way, this is how you position the rope" is advising suicide, yes? Do you have to be sitting beside the person? How come because it was across the net, it's so much harder to understand?
I have three problems with the defence's attempt to save this pathetic human being from meeting up with Bubba. First, the attorney says that he did not imminently incite these people to kill themselves. Next, he says that the people he spoke to about this were already thinking about it, so you can't blame him for doing what they were already thinking about doing. The final crock is to say that they were the ones who ultimately did the deed. How did his attorney put it? "There needs to be some respect for the autonomy of these two individuals."
First off, um, one of the people who killed themselves did it two hours after her last communication with this guy, a communication that I'm sure was full of instructions on how to end it all. It's not like she waited a month after talking to him. I know it didn't happen five minutes after, but the person had to get to the bridge and jump, so I don't know how long that would have taken. It seems pretty immediate to me.
Next, Of course he spoke to people who were already thinking about killing themselves. If I met up with someone who said "Hey, I was an ER nurse and I've seen lots of suicides go wrong. If you're going to do yourself in, you should hang yourself. I'll tell you what kind of rope you should get. Why don't you do it next week and we can do it together over the net?" I would think they were on crack and promptly walk away. Why? Because I have no desire to take my own life.
Every fraudster under the sun targets his/her victims because s/he has a feeling that this one will make a good mark. They're either vulnerable, stupid, or both. It doesn't make their frauds any less criminal.
And finally, in every other case of fraud, the person willingly hands over their money or whatever the con artist is after. The con artist doesn't have a gun to their head. If he did, it wouldn't be a con job, it would be a robbery. So do we have to have some respect for the autonomy of the defrauded? Is fraud suddenly not a crime because people gave whatever they gave the fraudster of their own free will? Sure it was under false pretenses, but they still did it with no duress.
I would never say that a person who commits suicide had no part in the decision to end their life. Of course, at the end of it all, the only one who can save you is you. But there is no reason why what this guy did shouldn't be a crime. He lied to these people, conning them into thinking he was going to do it too, and helping them plan it. When there is a law against aiding in or advising someone in committing suicide, this seems like a no-brainer.
The judge has 20 days to think this over. I hope he agrees with me.
Now, the disgusting little creep is on trial, and his attorney is trying to say that although his actions are disgusting, they're not a crime because they're under free speech. How does that even work in a place that has a law against aiding in or advising suicide? Telling people "hanging is the best way, this is how you position the rope" is advising suicide, yes? Do you have to be sitting beside the person? How come because it was across the net, it's so much harder to understand?
I have three problems with the defence's attempt to save this pathetic human being from meeting up with Bubba. First, the attorney says that he did not imminently incite these people to kill themselves. Next, he says that the people he spoke to about this were already thinking about it, so you can't blame him for doing what they were already thinking about doing. The final crock is to say that they were the ones who ultimately did the deed. How did his attorney put it? "There needs to be some respect for the autonomy of these two individuals."
First off, um, one of the people who killed themselves did it two hours after her last communication with this guy, a communication that I'm sure was full of instructions on how to end it all. It's not like she waited a month after talking to him. I know it didn't happen five minutes after, but the person had to get to the bridge and jump, so I don't know how long that would have taken. It seems pretty immediate to me.
Next, Of course he spoke to people who were already thinking about killing themselves. If I met up with someone who said "Hey, I was an ER nurse and I've seen lots of suicides go wrong. If you're going to do yourself in, you should hang yourself. I'll tell you what kind of rope you should get. Why don't you do it next week and we can do it together over the net?" I would think they were on crack and promptly walk away. Why? Because I have no desire to take my own life.
Every fraudster under the sun targets his/her victims because s/he has a feeling that this one will make a good mark. They're either vulnerable, stupid, or both. It doesn't make their frauds any less criminal.
And finally, in every other case of fraud, the person willingly hands over their money or whatever the con artist is after. The con artist doesn't have a gun to their head. If he did, it wouldn't be a con job, it would be a robbery. So do we have to have some respect for the autonomy of the defrauded? Is fraud suddenly not a crime because people gave whatever they gave the fraudster of their own free will? Sure it was under false pretenses, but they still did it with no duress.
I would never say that a person who commits suicide had no part in the decision to end their life. Of course, at the end of it all, the only one who can save you is you. But there is no reason why what this guy did shouldn't be a crime. He lied to these people, conning them into thinking he was going to do it too, and helping them plan it. When there is a law against aiding in or advising someone in committing suicide, this seems like a no-brainer.
The judge has 20 days to think this over. I hope he agrees with me.
Duct Tape: The Handyman's Secret Weapon, Not The Parents Photography Tool
You know, I'm glad Caira Ferguson is as dumb as she is. Her stupidity may have saved her daughter.
One day, six months ago, Ferguson thought it would be a swell plan to duct tape her 18-month-old kid into a chair, even duct taping her mouth, and take a picture. The picture was put up on mediatakeout.com but the faces of Stupid Mom and Poor Baby were blurred out, so it would have been pretty hard to identify them...
...
Until Stupid Mom earned her name. I can only guess that she figured out that duct taping your kid into a chair is likely frowned upon, and realized "hey, that picture is up on the net. Whatever shall I do?" And this is the course of action she decided upon. She decided to go tell the police that someone stole this picture of her and her baby, and had stolen her identity, and gave the police a non-blurred version of the picture. But she fully admitted that she duct taped the kid and she took the picture.
To her shock and surprise, police were none too sympathetic to her situation, and she wound up with some child endangerment charges. She also wound up with the cops taking the purple chair seen in the picture, complete with duct tape remnants, into evidence.
Um, fail! But I'm happy she did that. Maybe now the kid can be raised by someone competent.
One day, six months ago, Ferguson thought it would be a swell plan to duct tape her 18-month-old kid into a chair, even duct taping her mouth, and take a picture. The picture was put up on mediatakeout.com but the faces of Stupid Mom and Poor Baby were blurred out, so it would have been pretty hard to identify them...
...
Until Stupid Mom earned her name. I can only guess that she figured out that duct taping your kid into a chair is likely frowned upon, and realized "hey, that picture is up on the net. Whatever shall I do?" And this is the course of action she decided upon. She decided to go tell the police that someone stole this picture of her and her baby, and had stolen her identity, and gave the police a non-blurred version of the picture. But she fully admitted that she duct taped the kid and she took the picture.
To her shock and surprise, police were none too sympathetic to her situation, and she wound up with some child endangerment charges. She also wound up with the cops taking the purple chair seen in the picture, complete with duct tape remnants, into evidence.
Um, fail! But I'm happy she did that. Maybe now the kid can be raised by someone competent.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Somebody Else Thinks We're Awesome!
Trixie here. Man, it's a beautiful day. The weather knob is still kind of c-c-c-c-cold, but not too bad. I think the guy in the sky might be moving the weather knob to the place where I like it.
So Cessna, who I've never met, has decided that this place needs an award or something. Cool! Is an award like a treat? Maybe it's a bone! Hmmm that picture doesn't look like a treat or a bone. What fun is there in that? Oh well, Carin seems happy with that, and when she's happy, I'm happy too. Happy happy bounce bounce!So there are rules. Hmmm rules. So many rules. If we're to get this treat bone award thing, I have to link to the person who gave it to us. Ok I did that. Then I have to share 7 things about myself. Hmmm. And I have to give this treat bone thing to 15 other blogs! Hmmm.
Seven things about me. What could I possibly tell you that you don't already know? I mean, Carin goes and tells you guys about my strange poops and green pee! What have I left that I could share? Hmmm.
- I have more grey on my face. More people comment on it. But lots of people still think I'm a puppy, so I guess I can't be that grey.
- Snow tastes good. Om nom nom. But then I really have to pee. Gee I wonder why.
- I still don't know what to make of the huppy. If I'm loose in the house, I like to run after him, but if I'm on leash and he comes toward me, I back up. Huppy can walk now, but he's not much bigger than me, and that's just weird.
- I can tell time. You didn't think a dog could tell time, did ya? Well, come around here near food o'clock and other food o'clock, the humans call that 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. whatever that means. and you'll see that I know how to tell time.
- I hate puddles. Hate 'em hate 'em hate 'em! And I wish they'd fix that giant lump in the sidewalk. They're making my job harder.
- I love the shoe thief. I can smell him from far far away.
- and ya know, I think Rosamae and I can get along not too badly! She doesn't go up and down, up and down on me anymore and she doesn't run after me all the time. I just have to make sure I get to my bed first.
Gees, Trix, leave me with the hard stuff why don't ya?
Funny she should want to chew on a bone. I think the first blog that should get an awesome blog award is No Bones About It: Guide Dogs for the Blind's Blog. If there's anything GDB related going on, they're on top of it.
Next up, because I think she is overdue for an award or six, I nominate Ro from In the Center of the Roof. You and Jayden just keep being awesome. Write stories, or write about baseball, or offer tips on how to do x, y, or z, write about whatever ya like. We'll keep reading.
Next is our buddy J. J, you rock, and keep on rockin'. Also I hope I'll see you in a month or so when we celebrate with Shoe all over again.
I sure can't forget our buddy who writes at Smartpet.net. He even has a dog training e-book!
It's a good thing I'm writing this part, because Trix wouldn't know what to say about Accessibility News. They send out a weekly newsletter and cover news stories about accessibility from all over the world.
And whenever there are awards to give out, I'm always ready to give Andrea, AKA the fairies and elves division, a great big award. Without Andrea, we wouldn't have had a template upgrade.
Our next recipient is James who writes at Welcome to Nowhere. We knew him from school, and he has a pretty cool blog. And hey, he may just be helping us migrate this behemoth over to Wordpress.
Anybody with the talent to train her own service dog, the ability to write like she does, and the creativity to come up with something like the Assistance Dog blog carnival deserves an award. I know you already got one, but Sharon from After Gadget, have another.
I know I've given Jill awards before, but it always feels good to give her another one. She hasn't written in a while, but what is up there is beautiful. You know it's beautiful, because dumbnuts keep stealing it and claiming it's there own. But we know the truth. Plus, she's awesome for her thought-provoking comments over here on the comet. Hey Jill, how's life treatin' ya? Come back soon.
Another one who hasn't written in a while is Ann. She writes more frequently over here, but where we met her was the other place. She's definitely way cool. I admire her determination, her ability to put things so clearly, and all the things that make her so cool that I couldn't possibly wrap up in a neat little package. Some day, maybe I'll meet her in person.
This isn't quite a blog, but what the heck? Another newsletter-like thing that deserves an award is Top Tech Tidbits. It's because of them that I hear about all kinds of new stuff right when it happens. Top Tech Tidbits, you make it easier for me to keep afloat on the technology river.
And I can't forget Blind Bargains. Not only did they lead me to my eyeballs in a box, but they have lots of interviews, live audio at conventions, and other cool stuff.
I'm always a big fan of Randy Cassingham, first because of his "This Is True" newsletter. But now he has a blog, where you can read all kinds of things, and not just wacky news stories. Sometimes he follows up on a story, sometimes he just makes you think. Either way, it's a good read.
Here's another one that's a slight bend to the rules. Does a YouTube channel count? Well, it does today. Growing Up Guide Pup is cool for so many reasons. First, how often do you get the chance to watch a series which details all the experiences that a raiser could possibly expose their pup to? Plus, they explain all kinds of details to Joe Public, so hopefully it'll be easier for us. And finally, just imagine how cool this channel will be for whoever gets Ricki for the long hall? Awesome! I would kill for a Trixie video series.
And just to bring this full circle, my final nomination goes to L^2 of Dog's Eye View. For one, she's fun. Second, she's saved my butt several times on Twitter digging weird video links out of places and stuff. Third, she sells a t-shirt that Steve is now anxiously waiting for in the mail, and she even made Ro possibly the best shirt ever. You rock, L^2.
Wow, that took a while. But I didn't mind one second of it. So here's to the 15 latest recipients of the Awesome Blog Award. Now I should head outside. Trix says it's pee o'clock, and she's right!.
Tired Of Waiting For You
If you were a fan of theFacebook Breakup Notifier,you're going to loveWaitingRoom.
How to describe WaitingRoom? It's kind of like Breakup Notifier, only a bit backwards. Or maybe a better way to put it is that it's a feeder system for the Breakup Notifier.
If you're thinking of ditching your current love but want to make sure you've got options for the future, set up a WaitingRoom. People interested in catching you on the rebound can enter it anonymously and wait for you to do the deed. A short 48 hours later, the app will reveal to you all of your hopeful Prince/Princess Charmings.
What could be more romantic than the virtual equivalent of the creepy kid from 7th grade standing outside your window? Well, besides pretty much everything? And no, there's no chance for things to get even the tiniest bit awkward. Nuh-uh, not at all.
How did we ever survive without Facebook,indeed.
How to describe WaitingRoom? It's kind of like Breakup Notifier, only a bit backwards. Or maybe a better way to put it is that it's a feeder system for the Breakup Notifier.
If you're thinking of ditching your current love but want to make sure you've got options for the future, set up a WaitingRoom. People interested in catching you on the rebound can enter it anonymously and wait for you to do the deed. A short 48 hours later, the app will reveal to you all of your hopeful Prince/Princess Charmings.
What could be more romantic than the virtual equivalent of the creepy kid from 7th grade standing outside your window? Well, besides pretty much everything? And no, there's no chance for things to get even the tiniest bit awkward. Nuh-uh, not at all.
How did we ever survive without Facebook,indeed.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down
Michael Kevin Lallana, the man accused last year oftwice brewing up batches of man mustard flavoured water in the bottle of a female coworker,has been found guilty of assault and battery.
A couple of interesting new tidbits have, er, come to light since we first met this fellow, so I shall share those with you now.
Also entertaining in a somewhat twisted way were the methods employed by the victim, identified only as Tiffany G., of figuring out what in the wide wide world of sports was agoin' on here. Maybe that should read wide wide world of spurts, but it's too late now, so we'll continue. To crack the case, it seems she used her CSI skills.
CSI... Cum Stain Ingestion?
NO news on a sentence yet, but let's keep him as far away from the prison cafeteria as we can if it comes to that, ok?
A couple of interesting new tidbits have, er, come to light since we first met this fellow, so I shall share those with you now.
Lallana admitted in a taped interview submitted to jurors that he ejaculated into an “attractive” co-worker’s water bottle because “her lips had touched it,” but told detectives he never thought she would drink it.
“It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle twice last year.
When the detectives quizzed him on why he didn’t just throw the water bottle away when he was done, Lallana said he figured she would dump the water and was afraid of leaving anything out of place on her desk.
“Can I honestly say I wanted her to drink it? No,” Lallana said in the taped interview. “Why I left it there, I don’t know.”
Also entertaining in a somewhat twisted way were the methods employed by the victim, identified only as Tiffany G., of figuring out what in the wide wide world of sports was agoin' on here. Maybe that should read wide wide world of spurts, but it's too late now, so we'll continue. To crack the case, it seems she used her CSI skills.
Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work.
“At the time, I had no idea how else to figure out what this was,” she testified.
Convinced it was semen in the water bottle she had at work, the witness said she approached Orange police but was told they could not do anything based on the suspicion of a crime.
CSI... Cum Stain Ingestion?
NO news on a sentence yet, but let's keep him as far away from the prison cafeteria as we can if it comes to that, ok?
A Brief History Of Regime Propping
I posted this onmy Twittera few minutes ago not thinking I'd put it here, but I think it's something that as many people as possible need to see just in case any of you still think your government has your or anybody's best interests other than its own in mind when making decisions.
Why the West has been cozying up to Moammar Gadhafiis a good overview of the western world's history with Libya and its leadership written by Brian Stewart of the CBC. There's a good chance you may already know some or all of this, but it's quite something to see it all spelled out so clearly in one place.
Here's where I'd sometimes think about quoting a small section of the article to give you a taste of what you would find if you were to click the link, but there's so much going on here that I'm not sure what to choose. Do I go with the part where Canada calls Libya "a beautiful, peaceful country — full of potential"? Do I choose the part where England makes up with them in spite of the Lockerbie bombing, providing weapons to the IRA in the 1970's and more? Or how about the stuff about U.S. companies providing equipment to Libyan special forces...that have been trained by Britain?
Forget block quoting anything. Just go read the story in full. If it doesn't upset you even a little, I don't know what to tell you.
Why the West has been cozying up to Moammar Gadhafiis a good overview of the western world's history with Libya and its leadership written by Brian Stewart of the CBC. There's a good chance you may already know some or all of this, but it's quite something to see it all spelled out so clearly in one place.
Here's where I'd sometimes think about quoting a small section of the article to give you a taste of what you would find if you were to click the link, but there's so much going on here that I'm not sure what to choose. Do I go with the part where Canada calls Libya "a beautiful, peaceful country — full of potential"? Do I choose the part where England makes up with them in spite of the Lockerbie bombing, providing weapons to the IRA in the 1970's and more? Or how about the stuff about U.S. companies providing equipment to Libyan special forces...that have been trained by Britain?
Forget block quoting anything. Just go read the story in full. If it doesn't upset you even a little, I don't know what to tell you.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thank You, CBSC, For Making TV Just A Little Bit Worse
This,for lack of any better way to say it, is fuckin' stupid.
So yeah. the Comedy Network, which is a specialty station on cable television that's supposed to be able to show all kinds of fun and edgy stuff 24/7, is not allowed to broadcast things that might upset people during the afternoon because somebody who probably doesn't know the first thing about a sense of humour and likely shouldn't be watching the Comedy Network in the first place complained loudly enough. Just...wow.
It's already damn near impossible to watch the comedy network during the day and early evening because any stand-up specials it shows are edited so much and so poorly that you can't make out three quarters of the jokes through all the mutes, and I'm sure this decision, even though it does seem it wasn't made lightly, is going to find some way to make things even worse with time.
Thank you butt hurt asshole for being the shitter onner of all things good and fun that you are, and thank you CBSC for not doing what you should have done, that being wiping your asses with the letter this person sent, stuffing it in an envelope and mailing it back to said butt hurt asshole signed with love.
TV is getting shittier and shittier and more and more things that in no way should need viewer warnings now have them, probably in what you know will be a futile attempt to avoid situations just like this. I'm waiting for the day I turn on the tube and my cable box doesn't work...intentionally, just in case something on TV might be offensive to the delicate sensibilities of somebody that might live in the same city as I do or who may have lived there at one time.
Jesus Christ.
The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council today released its decision concerning two episodes of South Park broadcast on the Comedy Network in March and April 2010. Both episodes were broadcast at 5:30 pm Eastern Time. The CBSC found that both episodes contained material that was intended exclusively for adult audiences and so should only have been broadcast after the Watershed hour of 9:00 pm.
So yeah. the Comedy Network, which is a specialty station on cable television that's supposed to be able to show all kinds of fun and edgy stuff 24/7, is not allowed to broadcast things that might upset people during the afternoon because somebody who probably doesn't know the first thing about a sense of humour and likely shouldn't be watching the Comedy Network in the first place complained loudly enough. Just...wow.
It's already damn near impossible to watch the comedy network during the day and early evening because any stand-up specials it shows are edited so much and so poorly that you can't make out three quarters of the jokes through all the mutes, and I'm sure this decision, even though it does seem it wasn't made lightly, is going to find some way to make things even worse with time.
Thank you butt hurt asshole for being the shitter onner of all things good and fun that you are, and thank you CBSC for not doing what you should have done, that being wiping your asses with the letter this person sent, stuffing it in an envelope and mailing it back to said butt hurt asshole signed with love.
TV is getting shittier and shittier and more and more things that in no way should need viewer warnings now have them, probably in what you know will be a futile attempt to avoid situations just like this. I'm waiting for the day I turn on the tube and my cable box doesn't work...intentionally, just in case something on TV might be offensive to the delicate sensibilities of somebody that might live in the same city as I do or who may have lived there at one time.
Jesus Christ.
My Painting of Paint Me On Velvet
So now that I've done album no. 1 of my Austin Lounge Lizards haul from yesterday, it's time for album no. 2, "Paint Me On Velvet". There are some gooders on here, but not quite as many. Let's go.
Boudreaux Was a Nutcase
Somebody wanted to catch the biggest fish ever. Apparently, he was sorry that he got his wish. I get the sense he lost the battle.
Paint Me On Velvet
I love how he says "I'm a man of few words" and they left a big silent spot. Apparently he's decided he's going to leave his girlfriend, but he wants her to paint him on velvet like Jesus and Elvis.
Little Fallen Angel
Hmm. If there's a joke in here I'm missing it. It just sorta sounds like a guy thanking Jesus and something else I can't make out for saving him from himself. Maybe the key is in the something else I can't make out.
Put The Oak Ridge Boys In The Slammer
Apparently they think everybody's sick of the Oak Ridge Boys and wish they'd all go away along with their music.
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
This one sounds like it could be a real country song. I dunno.
Grandpa's Hologram
"Though he has no substance, he is still a great old man." Grandpa died and they made a hologram of him and all day they sit in the kitchen with it, even though it can't say anything, and they reach right through it and get the breakfast jam. They see more of Grandpa now than when he was alive.
Purple People Eater
It is what you think it is, except this purple people eater wants to play in a bluegrass band.
1984 Blues
It is blues about the book 1984, not the year. They didn't disappoint me. There was a room 101 reference in there. Nice siren noises with the fiddles.
Lusters' Motel
just a song about a couple of cheaters in a motel. You'd almost think they were trying to have a real relationship.
The Three Sinners
Or the three little pigs. "Don't build your house of straw or Satan will blow it down." Hmmm. They like their gospel songs.
That Godforsaken Hellhole I Call Home
By the sound of the song, you'd think he was happy to be home. But he's not. Instead, it's more like he's being dragged back here and can't escape. There's something amusing about the words "as squalid as Calcutta, as decadent as rome" being set to a happy little tune.
And that does it for that album. I'm sure it won't be long before I have the final album. It'll be weird not to have any more of their stuff to chase down. There are a couple of DVD's, and those will be cool, but I doubt there'll be any new stuff on those.
Boudreaux Was a Nutcase
Somebody wanted to catch the biggest fish ever. Apparently, he was sorry that he got his wish. I get the sense he lost the battle.
Paint Me On Velvet
I love how he says "I'm a man of few words" and they left a big silent spot. Apparently he's decided he's going to leave his girlfriend, but he wants her to paint him on velvet like Jesus and Elvis.
Little Fallen Angel
Hmm. If there's a joke in here I'm missing it. It just sorta sounds like a guy thanking Jesus and something else I can't make out for saving him from himself. Maybe the key is in the something else I can't make out.
Put The Oak Ridge Boys In The Slammer
Apparently they think everybody's sick of the Oak Ridge Boys and wish they'd all go away along with their music.
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
This one sounds like it could be a real country song. I dunno.
Grandpa's Hologram
"Though he has no substance, he is still a great old man." Grandpa died and they made a hologram of him and all day they sit in the kitchen with it, even though it can't say anything, and they reach right through it and get the breakfast jam. They see more of Grandpa now than when he was alive.
Purple People Eater
It is what you think it is, except this purple people eater wants to play in a bluegrass band.
1984 Blues
It is blues about the book 1984, not the year. They didn't disappoint me. There was a room 101 reference in there. Nice siren noises with the fiddles.
Lusters' Motel
just a song about a couple of cheaters in a motel. You'd almost think they were trying to have a real relationship.
The Three Sinners
Or the three little pigs. "Don't build your house of straw or Satan will blow it down." Hmmm. They like their gospel songs.
That Godforsaken Hellhole I Call Home
By the sound of the song, you'd think he was happy to be home. But he's not. Instead, it's more like he's being dragged back here and can't escape. There's something amusing about the words "as squalid as Calcutta, as decadent as rome" being set to a happy little tune.
And that does it for that album. I'm sure it won't be long before I have the final album. It'll be weird not to have any more of their stuff to chase down. There are a couple of DVD's, and those will be cool, but I doubt there'll be any new stuff on those.
One CD Away From Owning All The Lizards Albums
I got a pretty cool late birthday present. Steve got me two more Austin Lounge Lizards albums! I own all the lizards CD's but 1 now. What showed up in the mail yesterday were "Highway Cafe Of The Damned" and "Paint Me On Velvet". Let's look up when they came out. Highway Cafe of the Damned appears to have come out in 1987. Paint Me On Velvet I think came out in 93.
Alright, this post will be dedicated to Highway Cafe of the Damned, which I think is the better of the two albums, although I like 'em both.
Highway Cafe of the Damned
Hmmm. Is this like Hotel California in a truck stop? He's led a miserable life, and he's doomed to stay at the highway cafe of the damned forever. "Waitress, waitresss, bring me some cofins. mouhahahahahah!"
Conhusker Refugee
Um, is that supposed to be Cornhusker refugee? But it's spelled that way on the Lizards site and in a couple of other places. Maybe it's supposed to be an accent thing. So...this guy is gay, so had to leave Nebraska, but now wants to go back there, "where the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon." What a way to put it.
Industrial Strength Tranquilizer
Some have a drink after work. Not this guy. He needs it to help him through the workin' day.
Wendell The Uncola Man
What the hell? This is the happiest song about a dude deciding to shoot his cheating wife and her lover...except he fails and gets shot. And what's uncola? I mean I've heard of it as Seven Up, but does it have another meaning? Well I guess we can't ask Wendell.
Acid Rain
This song sort of reminds me of Smoky Mountain Rain by Ronnie Milsap Except this is the placid acid rain. He's walking through the forests full of dying trees. You can so tell this is 1987.
I'll Just Have One Beer
or six. or something. How come you've got that strange look on your face? I love how he talks about calling her up at 2 in the morning to wake her up and sing to her.
Dallas, Texas
You know a song is going to be awesome when the opening line is "I can't go back to Nashville, Tennessee, 'cause that's a place that I've never been." So he doesn't think much of Dallas. He wants to go there just to see if it sucks worse than losing his girl. Hmm. Is there anywhere in Texas that these fellas like?
Balad of Ronald Reagan
Just awesome. Defies words. Is on Saguaro's level of awesome. I wonder how many Texans hated this song. I'm sure lots of Texans were fans of big Ron. The lizards hated him worse than Nixon.
When Drunks Go Bad
"When he discovered virtue, he gave vice a dirty name." It's the opinion of the regulars at the bar about a reformed drunk. It's a lowdown cryin' shame apparently.
Jalapeño Maria
So he's hitting on the waitress at a mexican bar? Ok then.
Get A Haircut, Dad.
A kid telling his dad what he thinks of how he looks. I guess dad's a hippy. I love the word barbershop being sung as if they were a barbershop quartet.
Chester Nimitz Oriental Garden Waltz
Listen to this and know it will chase you, and you will sing it, even if you can't quite get your head around the tune, and the middle will bug your ears. Tell me, is there a Chester Nimitz Oriental Garden in Fredericksburg, Texas? I have since learned that Chester Nimitz was an admiral in the army, and he was born in Fredericksburg. But what's with the garden? So much of this I think I would only understand if I lived in Texas. But it did make me look stuff up.
And that is Highway Cafe of the Damned. Awesome. I'm glad I'm getting all their stuff.
Alright, this post will be dedicated to Highway Cafe of the Damned, which I think is the better of the two albums, although I like 'em both.
Highway Cafe of the Damned
Hmmm. Is this like Hotel California in a truck stop? He's led a miserable life, and he's doomed to stay at the highway cafe of the damned forever. "Waitress, waitresss, bring me some cofins. mouhahahahahah!"
Conhusker Refugee
Um, is that supposed to be Cornhusker refugee? But it's spelled that way on the Lizards site and in a couple of other places. Maybe it's supposed to be an accent thing. So...this guy is gay, so had to leave Nebraska, but now wants to go back there, "where the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon." What a way to put it.
Industrial Strength Tranquilizer
Some have a drink after work. Not this guy. He needs it to help him through the workin' day.
Wendell The Uncola Man
What the hell? This is the happiest song about a dude deciding to shoot his cheating wife and her lover...except he fails and gets shot. And what's uncola? I mean I've heard of it as Seven Up, but does it have another meaning? Well I guess we can't ask Wendell.
Acid Rain
This song sort of reminds me of Smoky Mountain Rain by Ronnie Milsap Except this is the placid acid rain. He's walking through the forests full of dying trees. You can so tell this is 1987.
I'll Just Have One Beer
or six. or something. How come you've got that strange look on your face? I love how he talks about calling her up at 2 in the morning to wake her up and sing to her.
Dallas, Texas
You know a song is going to be awesome when the opening line is "I can't go back to Nashville, Tennessee, 'cause that's a place that I've never been." So he doesn't think much of Dallas. He wants to go there just to see if it sucks worse than losing his girl. Hmm. Is there anywhere in Texas that these fellas like?
Balad of Ronald Reagan
Just awesome. Defies words. Is on Saguaro's level of awesome. I wonder how many Texans hated this song. I'm sure lots of Texans were fans of big Ron. The lizards hated him worse than Nixon.
When Drunks Go Bad
"When he discovered virtue, he gave vice a dirty name." It's the opinion of the regulars at the bar about a reformed drunk. It's a lowdown cryin' shame apparently.
Jalapeño Maria
So he's hitting on the waitress at a mexican bar? Ok then.
Get A Haircut, Dad.
A kid telling his dad what he thinks of how he looks. I guess dad's a hippy. I love the word barbershop being sung as if they were a barbershop quartet.
Chester Nimitz Oriental Garden Waltz
Listen to this and know it will chase you, and you will sing it, even if you can't quite get your head around the tune, and the middle will bug your ears. Tell me, is there a Chester Nimitz Oriental Garden in Fredericksburg, Texas? I have since learned that Chester Nimitz was an admiral in the army, and he was born in Fredericksburg. But what's with the garden? So much of this I think I would only understand if I lived in Texas. But it did make me look stuff up.
And that is Highway Cafe of the Damned. Awesome. I'm glad I'm getting all their stuff.
Facebook Broke Up With The Breakup Notifier
Well it looks like, for now, the Breakup notifier has been broken by Facebook. The best part about this was it was not singled out to be blocked because of privacy concerns or because the idea is just inherently wrongwrongwrong. No no no. It was caught by an automatic spam detection system because it was making too many calls to the API due to the influx of people signing up.
But Facebook went the extra mile, not only blocking the app, but disabling its developer's personal Facebook account.
Well, I guess people will have to figure out if someone is single the old-fashioned way just a little bit longer.
But Facebook went the extra mile, not only blocking the app, but disabling its developer's personal Facebook account.
Well, I guess people will have to figure out if someone is single the old-fashioned way just a little bit longer.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I Wonder What The App Does If Someone's Relationship Status Is "It's Complicated".
Someone has given me yet another reason to not like Facebook. Dan Loewenherz
has developed the Facebook breakup notifier app. So, you can punch in everybody on your friends list who you've had a thing for, and as soon as their relationship status changes to single, bingo! You'll know about it and can start stalking/putting the moves on that person post haste.
This story reminds me of something I actually heard someone say. When Steve was still sick in January, we went to a walk-in clinic, which I affectionately called "The Chamber of Fate." If you've heard the Vestibules skit called "The Chamber Of Fate", you just might understand why I thought this. They open up a door and call out a person's name, and they go into the back. It reminded me of "Stan Bronk. Step into the chamber of fate."
But anyway, while we were sitting there watching people go into the chamber of fate and waiting for Steve to be called, there was a girl sitting behind me with her mom. I think she was about 13 ish. At one point she turned to her mother and said "I was out with some friends the other day and I got thinking. How did we ever survive without Facebook? I mean, how did we ever know if a guy was single, or if we liked him, or if he liked us, or what?" I nearly fainted and needed medical attention myself. Steve couldn't figure out why I was furiously nudging him in the side and snickering. The poor guy was just focusing on listening for his name to be called. Now I wonder if this teenager has signed up for this app, or will soon.
has developed the Facebook breakup notifier app. So, you can punch in everybody on your friends list who you've had a thing for, and as soon as their relationship status changes to single, bingo! You'll know about it and can start stalking/putting the moves on that person post haste.
This story reminds me of something I actually heard someone say. When Steve was still sick in January, we went to a walk-in clinic, which I affectionately called "The Chamber of Fate." If you've heard the Vestibules skit called "The Chamber Of Fate", you just might understand why I thought this. They open up a door and call out a person's name, and they go into the back. It reminded me of "Stan Bronk. Step into the chamber of fate."
But anyway, while we were sitting there watching people go into the chamber of fate and waiting for Steve to be called, there was a girl sitting behind me with her mom. I think she was about 13 ish. At one point she turned to her mother and said "I was out with some friends the other day and I got thinking. How did we ever survive without Facebook? I mean, how did we ever know if a guy was single, or if we liked him, or if he liked us, or what?" I nearly fainted and needed medical attention myself. Steve couldn't figure out why I was furiously nudging him in the side and snickering. The poor guy was just focusing on listening for his name to be called. Now I wonder if this teenager has signed up for this app, or will soon.
He Was Shit-Faced, Now The Officer Is Too.
Ug! Blech! Yuck eeewww icky. Ok I think I can tell the story now.
Paul Andrew Kausalik, a well-known figure at the post office so they say, was out for some fun one night. I guess he had a little too much fun for him to be able to drive, and police pulled him over.
He failed the field sobriety tests, so they took him down to the station to blow. Before he did, he kept asking to use the rest room and then falling asleep in there.
Finally, the officer got frustrated and told him to either take the breath test or refuse. I guess, in a sense he told him to shit or get off the pot.Well, he shit alright, and spat it at the officer!
Yes, you're reading that right.
Ugugugugugug! So this fellow took a crap, then put it in his mouth and walked out of the john? Just thinking about that almost makes me wanna ralph.
So, if he's a well-known figure at the post office, I would learn to recognize him and avoid him. Just think of what could be on his hands!
Paul Andrew Kausalik, a well-known figure at the post office so they say, was out for some fun one night. I guess he had a little too much fun for him to be able to drive, and police pulled him over.
He failed the field sobriety tests, so they took him down to the station to blow. Before he did, he kept asking to use the rest room and then falling asleep in there.
Finally, the officer got frustrated and told him to either take the breath test or refuse. I guess, in a sense he told him to shit or get off the pot.Well, he shit alright, and spat it at the officer!
Yes, you're reading that right.
Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.
Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.
When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.
“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter strike the left side of my face and head.”
Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.
Ugugugugugug! So this fellow took a crap, then put it in his mouth and walked out of the john? Just thinking about that almost makes me wanna ralph.
So, if he's a well-known figure at the post office, I would learn to recognize him and avoid him. Just think of what could be on his hands!
In Your Facebook, Mr. Reporter Guy
It seems that social networking criminals are no longer content to get themselves arrested simply by staying logged in on a victim's computer. Ifthe story of Rodney Knightis an indication of things to come, the job of the police just got a lot easier.
Knight broke in to the Northwest home of Washington Post writer Marc Fisher in December, police said. He helped himself to a number of items, including two laptop computers, a new winter coat and about $400 in cash.
Before leaving the scene of the crime, he put on the winter coat and posed with the cash for a photo he took of himself. He then posted his “loot” photo on Fisher’s son’s Facebook page, the writer said.
Unlike some, Knight did have enough sense to plead guilty to the charges of second-degree burglary brought against him. That's more than can be said for well, pretty much everybody who's ever done something similar as far as I can recall.
Imagine A Jump
This mashup has no right to work, but somehow, it kinda does.Mighty Mike - Imagine a jump.Yes, John Lennon and Van Halen. Really.
Being Poisoned By An Idiot? There's A Visine For That
I've never seen the movie Wedding Crashers, but I do remember the commercials not making it look all that funny. That may explain, at least in very small part, whythis film-inspired prankisn't all that funny either.
Luciana Reichel, 22, thought it would be just haw haw hi-larious to put Visine into her roommate's water bottle. Yes, this is her university roommate, meaning that this brain surgeon got into a school. I'm sure you're all very proud of your diplomas about now.
If convicted of placing foreign objects in edibles, Reichel could spend up to 3-1/2 years in prison. I say if convicted because sometimes you never know how these things are going to turn out, plus there's always the chance that somebody with this level of brain function could be found not competent to stand trial.
Luciana Reichel, 22, thought it would be just haw haw hi-larious to put Visine into her roommate's water bottle. Yes, this is her university roommate, meaning that this brain surgeon got into a school. I'm sure you're all very proud of your diplomas about now.
According to a criminal complaint, on “numerous occasions” late last year Reichel placed Visine in a quart-sized water bottle used by Brianna Charapata, her 20-year-old roommate at a University of Wisconsin Oshkosh dorm. As a result of ingesting the tainted water, Charapata told cops, “she began feeling nauseated, suffered from diarrhea, loss of appetite and was otherwise very tired for no apparent reason.”
Charapata, who said that her doctor was unable to explain the cause of her symptoms, recalled having to leave an October 18 marketing exam when she suddenly became ill.
Reichel’s Visine scheme ended after she told another student about the prank, and that classmate, Laura Gallas, informed Charapata. Gallas told police that Reichel laughed when describing the Visine stunt “because the eye drops…had been making [Charapata] sick.” After seeing this, Gallas added, Reichel said she “decided to add more to her water bottle a few days later and the same results happened.”
When confronted by cops, Reichel reportedly confessed to the Visine stunt, claiming “she got the idea from watching the movie ‘The Wedding Crashers’ where an actor in the movie put eye drops in someone’s drink and it made that person sick.”
If convicted of placing foreign objects in edibles, Reichel could spend up to 3-1/2 years in prison. I say if convicted because sometimes you never know how these things are going to turn out, plus there's always the chance that somebody with this level of brain function could be found not competent to stand trial.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
