You Make The Call

I was doing my morning check of the site stats earlier today and found this:

15 Oct, Wed, 03:05:30
Google:
Tom King ndp gilbert gottfried

That's odd I thought to myself. They certainly don't sound alike, but with the whole blindness thing going on it's sort of impossible to figure out if they look alike. So I asked trusted friend Greg Twilly (I'm not sure why he's a trusted friend either) and he said yeah, they kinda do. Tom King looks like Gilbert Gottfried if Gilbert was older. They've got the same body, same squinty eyes, just different hair.

That's a fine answer, but why leave it at that? Why not let the world be the judge? So thanks to Greg, I give you...




Oh, he also wanted me to add this:



So what's the verdict? The last picture is a fact so there's no need to debate it, but the first couple, have fun with those.

Happy Birthday Dear Bloggy

I feel weird writing this post, since I haven't actually been there for the whole time. But today, the VC is officially five years old! Five years? That's a lot of time. Um wow! How things have changed. Back then, I wasn't even around to stink it all up, except for when Steve and Matt let me. Back then, Steve and Matt were still figuring out ye old html, and were big fans of making email links. Some of them worked, some of them didn't. Back then, Karine still read us! Ah the memories.

Won't it be weird if this thing's still alive in five more years? I wonder who will read us then. I wonder what the world will look like then. I guess only time will tell.

If You Can Read This, You're Probably Not Scott Bennett

This might not be entirely fair given the details we've got here, but having been in my fair share of bars over the years and having done my fair share of people watching in all kinds of situations, I don't think I'm totally out of line suggesting that if you'vehad the shit knocked out of you twice in the same year in the same bar to the point that you're now blind,perhaps you're the problem. I'm not trying to level baseless accusations here or anything, but how many times do you hear about somebody getting struck by lightning more than once under the exact same tree? I suppose it's possible once every thousand years or so, but as a general rule, that sort of thing just doesn't happen. Again, not trying to start any trouble even though it seems I wouldn't have much of a problem taking you down, I'm just saying is all.

Welcome To 2006

Well, that whole thing right there was pretty pointless I'd say. Let's take a look at what happened.

• Stephen Harper and the Conservatives won a minority government, just like last time. It's a slightly stronger one, but a minority is still a minority.
• The Liberals have a leader in Stéphane Dion who whether he's admitting it or not is probably finished. Now they'll have to take a few months to elect a new guy, who will then have to take a few months to get used to the job. Meanwhile, Harper will do his best to sneak through as much of his bad policy as he can while the Liberals do nothing about it because they're trying to buy enough time to kinda sorta prepare for the next early election that won't solve anything. Yes, just like last time.
• The NDP put up some decent numbers by party standards and seem fairly pleased with themselves, just like last time.
• The Green Party got more mainstream attention and gained support, but still don't have a seat in the House, just like last time. In fact, the one seat they did have when an independent joined them days before the election was called was lost last night when he didn't win again.
• Guelph was taken by a Liberal, just like last time. Actually Guelph has been a fairly strong Liberal riding for a few years now. I didn't vote for him, but I'm totally fine with Frank Valeriote being my MP.
• As for who I did vote for, the NDP did not win here, just like last time. Tom King finished in 4th place with 9,709 votes, good for 16.5%. He was actually beaten by Mike Nagy of the Greens by around 2700 votes, which surprised me.
• John Turmel didn't win, just like...well, every time really. You can't mess with the power of a world record, motherfuckers! But he didn't totally lose either. that honour went to Manuel Couto of the Marxist-Leninist party who racked up 29 votes, good for an astounding 0.0% of the popular vote.
• There's also talk that national voter turnout sucked, also just like every time anymore. I don't think final numbers are out yet, but word is they'll be down from a couple of years ago. Sad, just...sad.

Here are the full results for Guelph for the benefit of anybody who hates sifting through the Merc's website trying to find anything, and also for the sake of history in case they pull the link at some point.

Guelph riding

Frank Valeriote, Liberal party -- 18,977 votes, 32.2%

Gloria Kovach, Conservative party -- 17,185 votes, 29.2%

Mike Nagy, Green party -- 12,456 votes, 21.1%

Tom King, New Democratic Party -- 9,709 votes, 16.5%

Kornelis Klevering, Marijuana party -- 172 votes, 0.3%

Philip Bender, Libertarian -- 159 votes, 0.3%

Drew Garvie, Communist party -- 77 votes 0.1%

Karen Levenson, AAEV party -- 73 votes, 0.1%

John Turmel, Independent -- 58 votes, 0.1%

Manuel Couto, Marxist-Leninist party -- 29 votes, 0.0%

Voter turnout: 58,895 of 88,842 (66.3%)

Source: Elections Canada

I guess this is the part of the post where I say that there's nothing else needing to be said and that I'll talk to you all later. Hey, didn't I do that last time? I guess it's only fitting.

Your Last Reminder And Some Other Somewhat Related Crap

Imentionedit yesterday, but it never hurts to say it again. Canadians, there are only a few hours left. If you haven't done so already, go vote, for Christ's sake! Seriously, don't make meyell at youagain. Consider this. If Carin and I were willing to possibly get lost in the middle of a quiet residential area just so we could draw an X on a piece of paper, the rest of you are going to have to work pretty damn hard to come up with a good excuse not to. I've never been one to buy that if I don't vote they're not my government and I'm not responsible for what they do crap. Whether you vote or not you still have to pay taxes, and it's better to pour money into ideas you can get behind than ones you can't. So head out before it's too late and let your voice be heard, even if you're using it to supportthe jerkoff in the sweater vest.

On the subject of voting, I want to give a big thanks to the folks running our polling station. Some of those people have been less than helpful over the years to say the least, but the people we dealt with today were great. If you're reading this and you were running things at the June Avenue Public School polls, the little girl with the dog and the tired looking fat guy appreciate you taking the time to help us out without complaining about it, treating us like geeks or arguing with us over what does and does not constitute braille. It means a lot.

I do have one question for you guys though. Weren't you supposed to ID us? I watched that girl at the table question everybody around us, but we just handed over the little info card and we were on our way. I guess you must have gotten the nobody ID's blind people memo that everybody seems to get. Swear to God, I think I've only ever been ID'd 8 times in my entire life, 6 at polls and twice at this stupid beer store when I used to live in Brantford and didn't happen to have anything with me. That was ok though because all I had to do was walk across the parking lot to the liquor store and make my purchases no questions asked. Nice going, jackasses. I'm not sure what makes blind people so trustworthy, but I'm ok with it. It allowed me to sneak into a lot of bars (even the strip ones where they're insane about that sort of thing) when I was a kid and to easily get my hands on quite a bit of stuff I shouldn't have been able to lay hands on until much later. On a side note, Greg, do you remember that time we went to the rippers and that strange guy told the bouncer to let me in because I was a good guy who was there all the time...and he listened? That ruled.

Anyway, I've kept you people long enough. Stop reading this and go vote for somebody. We'll be here when you get back.

try And Defend That Defense

Hey defense Barrister Colin McCarraher, can you try for a second to not be a total scumbag? No? I guess not, since being scum is the easiest thing some lawyers can do. when your client is beyond fucked, a good tactic isn't to slam the woman he raped, saying "the rape couldn't have been that bad, look at her smiling on Facebook!" Never mind that she tried to kill herself, never mind the rape happened in 2001 and this is now 2008, never mind that we are supposed to heal!

I hope something truly tragic happens to you, Mr. McCarraher. If it does, never smile again. Even if you get over the grief, never ever smile again. You're not allowed. If you do, it couldn't have ever been that bad, right?

Red Dragon Tattoo

What? Someone managed to trick a village chief into telling people that government personnel were looking for people with tattoos of dragons on their faces? And two dudes fell for it? And this is the third time this has happened? And people think this weirdo has some kind of strange magical powers? Was he the same guy who convinced several women to let him tattoo them with a home-made gun?

Party...Or Else!

I'm probably going to sound like someone who's no fun at all, but oh well. Hopefully someone will understand my point.

Robert P. Schwartz > left an unusual clause in his will. It said that he wanted relatives to get together and have a party every year on the first weekend of August to remember him. This had to go on for at least 10 years, and a family member couldn't miss two parties in a row if he or she wanted to keep their inheritance.

You know, I think the party idea is kinda cool. I just don't like the "or else" part. what's the use in having a party if people feel obligated to go because of money? I've seen people who have hearts of gold turn to shallow human beings if money is involved. I'm sad to say I've seen it to some degree in my own family.

I guess the 10 years of parties are over, and his widow has called a halt to them. Hopefully the invitees stayed cool through it all. That's my only hope.

And Now It's Time For Another Exciting Edition Of What's In My Ass!?

You know it's been a rough night when your local paper startsa story about youlike this:

Anderson County Sheriff’s deputies are investigating a Saturday-morning incident that left one man with something -- no one is sure what -- embedded in his buttocks.

There are people who suspect he may have been shot, but nobody heard a gun go off. So if he wasn't shot, what happened? Well, when we know, you'll know. The only thing I'll say for sure is any way you slice it, that just cannot possibly be good.

You Can't Hide Your Lyin' Eye Dogs

Here's a message for everyone who thinks all guide dog schools are created equal. they're not. I heard other rumblings about the Eye Dog school last year, so I thought they were officially dead. It's sad to see the dogs being treated like this.

this is why, if you want a guide dog, you have to do your research. Take your time, ask around, and follow your gut! If it objects, there's probably a good reason. trust me, I know.

As an aside, I hate it when news stories use the term "seeing eye dog" when it's not a dog from The Seeing Eye. I know that's the name everyone remembers, but it's misleading, and kind of potentially damaging in a case like this. to set the record straight, The Seeing Eye is the only place where one could get a dog that could technically be called a "seeing eye dog". Otherwise, they're a dog guide, or a guide dog, or some other name.

You Don't Always Die From Tobacco

I'm pretty sure thatthis anti-smoking PSAisn't supposed to be funny, but if that's the case, somebody failed epically. I'm pretty sure I'll be singing this all day, especially when I'm out wandering around looking for our polling station.

The Only wisdom Was In The Tooth

Let's add Dr Tariq Mushtaq to the list of merciless dentists. After freezing the patient up for an emergency wisdom tooth-removal, he discovered he didn't have enough money for the whole procedure, and made him go get more. then he made him wait after getting it, so the freezing wore off before he was done. What a prize.

Tranbo?

what the hell? He, er, she, set fire to his, er, her own flat while dressed as Rambo? Then he, er, she threatened a cabby with a big old knife? Yup, file this one under the bizarre beyond words files.

Happy Holiday Monday

Hey.

I figured I'd better take a break from drinking in the sun and pop in and say hello and happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Yes my American friends who I know make up a majority of our site visitors, today is Thanksgiving. It's real Thanksgiving, meaning the Canadian version, not that wacky November thing y'all are doing down there. Who's idea was that anyway? Eating turkey a month before you have to eat turkey again? What are you people, retarded? And don't even get me started on that whole black Friday thing. If you know the malls are going to be insane, why go? Would it really be so hard to wait until Off White Sunday when things have calmed down a tad, or is beating somebody up and running off with the last XBox one of those cultural things that I just don't understand?

Ok ok, I kid, I kid. But I don't kid because I love, it's more because I can and right now I've got a sweet buzz and feel like insulting an entire nation. Hey, it's not like with your economy the way it is you can afford weapons anymore, so I'm not too worried about getting blown up or anything.

Oh Jesus, I don't mean to be like that. I'm sorry Tina, it won't happen again. Please baby, please forgive me.

Anyway, on to other things.

If you're Canadian and haven't done it in advance, don't forget to go out and vote tomorrow. And for those of you in Guelph, you'd better be casting your ballot forJohn Turmel.I wish I had some video clips to share with you, but unfortunately nobody has bothered to put up any of our local debate footage. Suffice it to say, the guy's completely fucking insane and much too awesome for words. Anybody who's main platform includes vote for me for sex drugs and rock and roll is fine by me. But in all seriousness, I'll likely be voting NDP. I have a good feeling about Tom King, their local candidate. He's very well spoken and I agree with a lot of what he says. Besides, a vote for Turmel would be a vote for fucking up a world record. Good old John is known for losing more elections than anybody in history, 66 at last count.

Before I go, I have to do something I don't get to do very often, congratulate TNA. I watch every pay-per-view, but I rarely end up paying for them. Last night I bought the company's Bound for Glory show and I have to say it was money well spent. There was nothing on the show that I absolutely hated, and most of it I loved. I definitely suggest buying a replay or getting your hands on it in any way you can, legal or not.

but since it wouldn't be right not to complain about something, here goes. One of the few things that bothered me all night was something that has always bothered me about TNA. Why, during matches contested under no disqualification rules, do people feel the need to distract the referee so that they can cheat? The guy's only job is to count pinfalls. He can't stop you from doing anything if everything is legal. You can hit a dude in the nuts with a hammer and all the ref can do is stand around and watch, and check the shoulders when you decide it's time to go for the cover. It's little things like that that really take away from an otherwise good match. Please, for the love of Christ, stop doing that!

I think that's all for now, the outdoors is calling me. I hope you all have a great day, even you American folks. You deserve one. Believe me, I'd be depressed too if I had Bush for a President and was forced to choose between Obama and McCain as his replacement. then again, no matter what happens you get to replace him, so I guess there's an upside. And when push comes to shove, I'd vote Obama a million times out of a million.

Ok, I'm gone for real now. Sweet dreams...or something like that.

"Give Me All Your Money!" "No, You Give Me All Your Money!"

It's pretty cool when you get robbed and end up making a profit. I guess a dude came up and demanded money from another dude, forced it out of him, and then the victim tackled the robber and demanded his money back. The robber got so freaked that he gave the victim, who was now tackling him, all his money, which was more than what he stole from the guy. Then he ran away.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Shooting blanks

I always thought phantom limb syndrome, in which you have a limb amputated for some reason, but your brain is convinced it's still there and you have sensations in the limb that doesn't exist, would be bad. I can't imagine having a phantom wang after sex reassignment surgery. the brain is a weird organism, that's for sure.

People Are Going To Jail For What?

Here's another reason to hate home-owners' associations. Now, they're throwing people in jail because their lawn isn't green. Worse yet, the guy can't even get out on bail. Don't they understand that sometimes, especially now, money's tight? Wouldn't they agree that it's better to have a roof over one's head than a green lawn outside a house that's been foreclosed on? What a bunch of pricks.

There Was Nothing Magical About This Book

A long time ago, I ranted about the sheer unmitigated blech that was Dean Koontz. In the comments, Thordora said I should read anything by Raymond Feist or S.m Stirling. Anything? Alright, I'm off on a mission.

First of all, it's hard as hell to get anything by these two in audio form, either from CNIB's library, or the public library, or from places that sell audiobooks. These fellas aren't audiobooks fans. Since I don't really feel like sitting there scanning in a book, a process that can sometimes produce a lot of errors depending on the quality of the print, it's taken me forever to track down stuf. I still haven't succeeded to find anything by S.M Stirling. I finally found a book by Raymond Feist. It was called "Flight of the Nighthawks." Ug! What a letdown.

I must have gotten the shittiest of shitty books that this guy made. I mean, I know Thordora likes some cool books, so it's not that our ideas of good writing aren't the same. this was, ug, just bad. Your imagination is supposed to have some room to move. that wasn't allowed in this book, not in the least. I think this should be used in kids' writing classes as an example of how not to write a story.

My biggest problem with this book was his need to tell instead of show. He would tell us that the main character loved his wife, even though sometimes he wanted to strangle her. Why not bring us to that conclusion by showing us why he wanted to strangle her. I never learned why he was so frustrated with her. She always seemed pretty nice from what I could tell. The same went for the bad guys and the other characters. We were told that Nakor was a "confidence trickster". We never saw him con anyone. We were told that Tad and Zane loved each other like brothers. We saw that somewhat, but they told us that long before we could see any of it. We were told that Marie kept a nice house. We were shown this to some extent, but there was more telling than showing. We were told that the main bad guy, Leso Varen, was bad, bad bad bad, but we never saw him do anything downright nasty until the end.

And who in christ names a character Pug? Whenever he spoke, all I kept picturing was a snorting little yappy dog. Maybe there was an extra g or something, but keep in mind this was a book that was read to me, and the narrator spoke his name as "Pug". Pug? No, just no. And what kind of a name for a place is Midkemia? It sounds like a disease.

When there were times when he could conjure up awesome images for me, he failed. "The room was lit by magical devices..." magical devices? Describe these magical devices. I need more input! I cannot settle for "magical devices." Our modern-day lightbulbs could be considered by someone who had never seen them to be "magical devices."

And when I needed information that would actually be useful to the story, it never materialized. I still don't know why one of the magicians took a crystal ball out of his pocket and said "noon tomorrow" and then it vibrated and disappeared. We never figured out why that happened. It never returned in the story, nothing happened with it. Or what about these infamous evil Desati things? They keep talking about this threat, but nothing happens. Just random happenings occurred and they were never wrapped up. Maybe they were designed for later books in the series, but if you hate book 1, what's going to make you go find out what happens with those random bits of magic in later books?

Even the ending was just sort of there. As the climax drew to a close, I found myself checking how much time was left. Now, that shouldn't be how you spend the climax of a book.

I'm hoping this was just a bad choice of first reads by this guy. No matter what it was, it didn't impress me.

Stop On The Red, go On The Green, And Don't Mess With Mr. In Between

Hey, Family and Children's Services. You might wanna keep an eye on this nitwit. If she can't even wait for the walk signal when pushing her eight-week-old baby across the street, what else is she doing to jeopardize this poor little thing's safety? Luckily, this time, the kid only got minor injuries, but Christ! It's Toronto, and you're at a busy intersection. Wait for the fucking light, would ya?

I Am Too Angry To Construct A title

Ask students of Steven Gerald Paras if school is a safe place to be.

He shouldnt' be coming back anywhere. I say he changes careers to burger-flipping. the world would be safer that way.