What Not To Say

Here's something from the inbox.

The top 10 things not to say to your significant other's parents when you meet them for the first time.

10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your daughter said you are.

9. Wazzzaaaaap!

8. The water in your toilet tastes funny.

7. You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine at home.

6. No. No. It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg.

5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on her friend Joanne?

4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and the midget is Sam. Is Sally ready?

3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out hear! Send the bitch out!

2. You should be proud, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, you've raised a good girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say.

And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your boy or girlfriend's parents for the first time:

1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father.

Duh I Don't See Any Problem with This, Sparky, Do You?

I've had the TV on way too much, because I heard something else that made me shake my head. A commercial came on for this place called Canada Reconnect. It gives prepaid phone service to people who, for one reason or another, have had their phone disconnected. Keep in mind that most of these people have had their phones disconnected for not paying their bills. So they're probably under a heap of debt. This will become important shortly.

So, this company has a real special deal on right now. These poor unfortunate souls can make their phones ring, and make their pockets jingle once again with...drum roll please...a new credit card. No approval necessary, they're just handing these out like candy. Does anyone see a problem with this?

Hey, I'm all for giving people second chances, but this just seems to be inviting doom. How about letting them start with a phone and work up to a credit card? Almost as funny is credit card companies setting up a booth in universities trying to get kids, who are most likely ass-deep in student loans, to get credit cards. But something about this phone-reconnecting company's plan seems too weird, almost creepy. It's almost as if this company is trying to lure these debt-ridden people into deeper debt under the pretense of giving them a chance. Don't get me wrong, I know that these people can think for themselves and should be able to know to stay away from a credit card until other debt gets worked down, but desperate people do desperate and stupid things, and a new credit card might look like a temporary answer to their problems.

I went to their website, but it hasn't been updated since April, so I can't read about how this is supposed to work. Maybe if I could read that, I would understand. But as it stands, how long does anyone think this offer will last before the brilliant geniuses at the company start to notice that there are a lot of maxed out credit cards on their hands?

Money for Nothing

Some people have a lot of balls. I was messing around and found someone's personal webpage. You know the ones. "Hello. I'm Skippy. Here is a picture of me. I just figured out that a monkey could pretty much put up a webpage now, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. Read all about me here. Here's a list of my favourite sites to visit, here are the URLs belonging to my fellow monkeys, and here are a zillion ways to contact me." You know the type. Hey I have no problem with that kind of site, I used to have one of my own. Sadly it has gone the way of the dinosaur, but it was fun while it lasted.

Here's where my friend skippy the monkey has enormous balls. On his site, he actually pleads for donations so that his project can continue. Ok, what part of this project is costing him money? He wrote a few lines of code, maybe he's paying for monthly hosting and a domain name that probably only asks for a fee once a year. Second, who in hell is going to donate to something like this? The way I see it, you have to *produce* something to earn people's desire to donate, and even when your product is damn good, it's next to impossible to squeeze hard-earned cash out of people. If he was running a radio show out of it, or putting up files that, when people downloaded them, sent his internet usage through the roof, it would be totally reasonable to ask for donations. Or, if he was providing a service through it, that would be another reason to ask for money. But for this, excuse me while I pick myself off the floor after recovering from the convulsive fit of laughter I experienced.

It would be another thing if he threw up a few ads and said click on them if you want. But he's actually asking people to pay him out of *their* own pockets so his *personal* little wimp site can stay alive. Once you've browsed the whole thing through, really there's no need to go back. He hasn't changed the damn thing in years, so I guess he's not getting too many cheques.

I just see that, and one word springs out at me. Actually three words do. Greed and laziness. I guess it explains how the spammers can trick so many people into falling for their scams. Here's a word of advice for Skippy the monkey and all like him. It's not that easy to get money. Try working for it and it might come in a little faster.

No Zits, or a Healthy Baby? Oo, Hard Decision.

I saw something on the news that made me flip out, what else is new? There's a drug to stop acne, I think we've all heard of Accutane. It's been known before to be related to depression and higher suicide rates. Ok, that's freaky. But this time, people are freaking out at the company for something that seems a little ridiculous.

There's a big uproar saying that Accutane should warn people that it may pose a risk to pregnant women because I guess some zit-ridden women just couldn't bear to part with their clear complexion for 9 months while they had a baby, kept taking Accutane, and the babies had problems. Well no shit sherlock!

The part that pisses me off is the part where people are freaking at the company. Didn't anyone go to school and learn that taking non-essential medications, drinking, smoking, doing drugs or any of those things that are bad for you while pregnant isn't the smartest idea? Must every god damn drug tell you that it might not be a good idea to take it if you're eating for 2? Why don't people think for themselves anymore? Oh, oh, I know. Because it's easier to sue after the fact.

Also, why are people so selfish nowadays? I don't think in the old days, people having kids would keep taking something whose only purpose is to make them look prettier. I know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is Accutane isn't going to directly save a life, and stopping taking it isn't going to kill a person. why don't people use their common sense anymore and say, "hmm, perhaps for these 9 months, for the sake of my baby, I'll just buy some clearasil?" I know that people who take acne drugs have bad acne, but for Christ's sakes, unless the acne is obstructing your windpipe or cutting off the circulation to your heart and brain, make a god damn sacrifice!

I guess it just annoys me when I see case after case of preventable moronic behaviour. That Rubella outbreak caused by people who refuse to vaccinate, people falling for incredibly obvious scams, and all the stupid lawsuits in the world. It's hard to be optimistic when there's so much cause for pessimism.

You're a Racist Prick, or You're a Latent Racist Prick.

Something really pissed me off the other day. I was at this volunteer training, and part of the training is talking about helping people who don't come from this part of the big blue planet we live on. In the room, there were white people, some black people, some people from Asia, people from the middle-east, and some East-Indians too. There were people from pretty much everywhere, which was cool. We got talking about racism, and how some people don't realize they're being assholes until someone points it out. I agree with that, some people have thought those things so long that they seem like facts rather than stereotypes and prejudices. But here's when I get mad. I said that I didn't think I was a racist. I think that I have a pretty open mind and I will call racism when I see it. But the first thing out of people's mouths was, "You probably don't realize you're being racist, but you probably are." And the funny part was other white people would say similar things, and they'd get that comment, but not the people who were black, Asian, or whatever. Ok, let me earn the racism tag before you stick it to me, please. If I say something to offend you, straighten me out and then call me a racist and I'll except it. But if you're already judging me to be a racist before I've said jack shit, isn't that, um, just as bad? Isn't that racism? It's damn judgmental anyway.

I left the training session feeling like it was pretty intense, asked other people if they felt the same way, and they said they didn't. So either I'm a freak or they're all afraid to say what they really think. Either way, I think it's pretty sad that the way some people have decided to fight racism is with something just as bad.

For Some Reason Moving To Denmark Suddenly Seems Like A Good Idea

This comes from
Ananova.com.

The Danish government is under attack for paying for its disabled citizens to have sex with prostitutes.

The official 'Sex, irrespective of disability' campaign pays sex workers to provide sex once a month for disabled people.

The legal guidelines advise: "It could be of great importance that the carer speaks to the prostitute together with the person in their care, to help them express their wishes."

But opposition parties have attacked the regulations, claiming it is an immoral way of spending tax-payers' money.

Social-Democrat spokesperson Kristen Brosboel said: "We spend a large proportion of our taxes rescuing women from prostitution. But at the same time we officially encourage carers to help contact with prostitutes."

But Stig Langvad of the country's Disabled Association said the politicians critical of the plan are showing "double standards".

He said: "The disabled must have the same possibilities as other people. Politicians can debate whether prostitution should be allowed in general, instead of preventing only the disabled from having access to it."

I Have No Idea What To Call This Post

Happy Monday to everybody. I hope you're all having a good day, and I hope you're keeping cool if it's hot where you are. It's hot here, that I know for sure.

Canadian weather is just fucking weird, there's no other way to describe it. A few days ago we were treated to some beautiful late Summer temperatures during the day, and ones that were creeping down into the single digits at night. But now, just as I'd finally come to terms with the fact that Summer was over and in a few short months we'd all be up to our asses in snow, July comes back. I don't get how that works, but I'll take it, at least until everybody starts spreading colds around because the climate can't make up its mind. Oh well, you have to take the good with the bad I suppose.

Like the title says, I've got no idea what to call this post. I would have called it Random Things, but Carin used something similar to that in her last post and I didn't want to do that again so soon. But yeah, various directionless randomness lies ahead, so read on.

I've come across some great news stories in the last few days that I thought I'd share with you, so let's start there.

Secretaries sacked after cyber brawl
If you're one of those people who doesn't understand why such a big deal is made about what you do with your email during work hours, this should explain everything.

British Office Compiles List of Odd Names
All I can say is I'm glad my folks liked me.

Note to aspiring criminals: When committing a robbery, it is generally wise to
leave the kids at home.

And before I get off of the news topic completely, I have a question. What exactly is the point of gun amnesty programs? If you don't know what those are, they're drives that the police put on now and then during which people are allowed to turn in any guns they have that might be illegal, with no questions asked. But the thing I don't get, and the thing that nobody has ever been able to explain to me in a satisfactory way, is who exactly are these for? Who are the people turning in guns? They certainly aren't criminals, and they surely aren't collectors or hunters who have all of the required paperwork in order. Then again, even if any of them were, there's no way to know that because nobody's allowed to ask questions. But it's pretty safe to assume, given the fact that gun crime never goes down in the wake of one of these exercises in time and money waste, that the people we really need to worry about aren't the ones taking advantage of the generously offered grace period. All that this gun amnesty crap is is another way to create an illusion of public safety, and of making it appear that some progress is actually being made in the fight against unlawful firearms possessed by people with evil intentions. So to the police, I say this. Stop wasting everybody's time. Stop pretending that the problem is going to solve itself by bringing itself to your front door. Get out on the streets and do what you're supposed to be doing, tracking down the problem where it lives. It might be more dangerous than sitting behind a desk waiting for Cletus to turn in his air rifle, but believe me, the results will be far more beneficial to all of us.

Ok, on to something else now.

I've been meaning to post another edition of "You Are Here?" for the last little while, but a lack of time and a lack of quality material has made that not happen. But since everybody loves it and since I'm cramming a bunch of different things into the same post, here's a small sampling of recent search terms that have gotten people here.

This one's for Carin, just because I bet she'll find it funny.

11 Sep, Sun, 22:21:02
Google:
richer lapointe moron

If you don't remember what this is about,
click here
to read her post about him.

11 Sep, Sun, 11:36:52
MSN Search:
rate my vomit

I might be setting myself up for bad things here, but before I could do that, I'd kind of need to see it first. And by the way, how do you rate vomit anyway. By texture? By taste? And on a scale of what?

08 Sep, Thu, 20:34:56
Yahoo:
i'll crush your testicles

Now now now, just because I won't rate your vomit sight unseen doesn't mean you need to get nasty aboutit.

05 Sep, Mon, 19:26:10
Yahoo:
oversized testacles

I've
talked about the over-sized thing
before, though it wasn't in a testicular context, so for the sake of space I dug that post up and I'll let it say what needs to be said, unless what needs to be said is "why the fuck is somebody looking for over-sized testicles," in which case it says everything but that. I think that sentence was far too long and not structured properly, but whatever.

A couple of quick plugs and then I'm out of here for now.

Salty Ham
has new forums as of yesterday, so feel free to check those out. For the most part they're good people over there and we'd love for you to be one of them.

And since I don't whore this out nearly enough, don't forget to listen to my radio show on
CFRU
tomorrow. I'm on from noon until 2 PM Eastern time. Not sure what we'll be talking about, but I'm almost positive that some of it has appeared here on the sight in some form at some point.

I also want to make mention of the station's new
archive.
You can access the last 31 days worth of station programming by clicking there, and you can do it for free. the system isn't perfect yet as some bugs are still being worked out, but it's pretty good and it's pretty fast, so check it out. Remember, the station is open format so you'll probably find something you like.

Have you had enough yet? Yeah, me too, so I'm gone for now. More to come later.

Random Thoughts

Here we go, running through my crazy mind. I've been thinking about a few things, but they all seem small and insignificant on their own, so I thought I'd throw them together and see what happened. So here we go.

I was in a ZEHRS the other day, and in case you didn't know, ZEHRS is a grocery store, when I heard something that frightened me. I heard, "Bill, please call electronics." Electronics? In a grocery store? They already sell clothing and furniture in some of them, now they're selling electronics? Why don't they just become a mall at this rate? Now that I've said that, they'll eat up the plazas they're in and do just that. But seriously, why can't a grocery store stick to being a grocery store? Must they all become Walmarts?

As I checked out, I saw something else that I always thought was kind of funny. This lady was checking out, paying with her debit card and having a jolly old chat with the store clerk. But sadly for her, the jolly old chat was ended abruptly when her card was declined. The clerk suddenly barked in the middle of her sentence, "You're card's declined." The lady tried again and luckily it worked this time. But why is it that as soon as your card is declined, they make you feel like a shoplifter who's going to be promptly arrested instead of a customer experiencing a minor technical difficulty? Those of you in stores, do you really get a ton of people who try to pay for stuff with money they don't have, or use the declined card as some kind of a distraction and rob you? Seriously, whenever it happens to me, their demeaner changes so fast, and I always feel like the clerk has pressed a silent alarm and before I can say, "try again,"I'll have my hands twisted behind my back and be dragged out of the store by force.

Then the other day I was in a convenience store and saw another example of people's rudeness, only this time it was from the customer. Why is it that a lot of smokers, when they ask for their cigarettes, walk up to the counter, don't say hi, hello, nice day isn't it? They just bark what brand of cigarettes they would like. I can't say this of all smokers, but I see it a lot, and it makes me sad. All you rude people, how can you expect to be treated courteously by people in stores if you treat them like that? And the sucky part is the effect mushrooms, so even all the people who *are* nice to the clerks have to pay for your rudeness.

Moving on from rude people, there are stupid people, and they seem to be coming out of the woodwork in droves in New Orleans. You know the deal, the hurricane, the flooding, the destruction, the dead people/chemical/sewage soup that's everywhere in the city. And then some morons start looting, shooting, and causing more destruction. Seriously, I guess on the simplest level I can see somebody seeing this disaster as an opportunity to take what you can, every man for himself. But as my dad put it, how far can you swim with a TV on your back? It just goes to show how accurate the book "Lord of the Flies" really was.

And on a stupid but funny note, it always makes me laugh when you're watching a TV show, and just before the commercial break, a voice comes on and says "Now you can own the show you're watching, delivered to you on VHS for only $24.95." Or, why don't you save your 25 bucks and tape the damn thing? I wonder how many people actually think that's a good idea and pick up the phone or click on the website and go buy the episode.

Even better are the old talk shows that actually sell transcripts of what happened. Who in hell would want:
Bob: Yes, I cheated on my wife.
Marg: You bastard! How could you?
mass chaos ensues.

Like come on. Really boring.

And that's about all for now. I'm sure I'll think of something more coherent later.

English As She Is Spoke

"English as She is Spoke" is quite possibly the worst English language phrasebook ever produced. It was published in 1883 by a Portuguese man named Pedro Carolino who didn't even know how to speak English. In order to compile it, Carolino used a French-English phrasebook and a Portuguese-French dictionary, which leads to a complete mess once the final translations are complete.

The most interesting and frightening thing about it is that at one time, it was actually used as a school textbook, which makes finding the odd factual error or typo in the books being produced now seem like not such a big deal by comparison.

You can find more information and read excerpts from the book by clicking
here.

Believe me, this thing puts every one of those foreign translations gone wrong emails to shame.

Yahoo Instant Computer Polluter

According to
this story,
Yahoo has decided that they know better than you do what software you want to install and run on your computer and what you want your default home and search pages to be.

The latest version of Yahoo Instant Messenger, which comes as a "highly recommended" upgrade, comes bundled with something like 5 additional pieces of software by default, along with browser hijacking features that change your default start and search pages to Yahoo from whatever you had them set to.

From the article linked above:

By accepting Yahoo's "typical" installation of YIM with Voice, it will also download Yahoo's Search Toolbar with anti-spyware and anti-pop-up software, desktop and system tray shortcuts, as well as Yahoo Extras, which will insert Yahoo links into the Internet Explorer browser. The IM client also contains "live words," which will automatically show an icon when the user highlights words online and then hyperlink to Yahoo search results, definitions or translation tools. Finally, the installation will alter the users' home page and auto-search functions to point to Yahoo by default.

To avoid these changes, users must actively choose the "custom" installation and uncheck five boxes.

Yahoo spokeswoman Terrell Karlsten said that for avid Yahoo users, the included services are valuable and highlight the integration among all its tools.

"By setting it that way we're giving people choices. For people who want to download software in one fell swoop, they have that option. If they don't want it we give them the ability to customize it," Karlsten said.

I suppose that's technically true, but why then, instead of turning these installations on for us, couldn't you turn them off and give us the option of turning them on ourselves? The answer to that question is a simple one. Yahoo and other companies that engage in this increasingly common practice understand very well who the average computer user is and how that person interacts with his or her machine. They realize that a large portion of their user base consists of people who, when it comes time to install anything, simply click next repeatedly until they see finish and their new software starts working. These people barely take enough time to read the screen let alone to look for options that it might be in their best interests to configure in a certain way or to look for unreasonable terms in a user agreement that they might want to know about. In short, the software developers realize that the same people who aren't smart enough to turn something off are more than likely not smart enough to turn it on either. And if you're Yahoo, which set-up is the better one when it comes to pushing new products and services on to the desktop of Joe User? That's right, the bad one. Spyware and adware pushers opperate under the same assumption, which is part of the reason why those companies are so successful.

Yahoo, by doing what they've done here, has lowered itself to the same level as some of those companies, even if the bundled software is designed to help. What the software does or is supposed to do isn't the issue at all. The issue is one of personal choice, the right for one to use one's computer as he/she so chooses, without fear of some marketing company, no matter how well intentioned, violating that right. Under any other circumstance, this sort of thing is called either trespassing or breaking and entering. Why should it be any different when the private property in question is a computer?

I should also point out before anyone decides to accuse me of being a hypocrite for being soft on people who don't pay enough
attention to things that my condemnation of Yahoo's actions is in no way meant to give a free pass to anyone. Should people be more careful and more mindful of what they're doing? Absolutely, but that doesn't make Yahoo and companies like it any less wrong. Just because you tell somebody to do something doesn't mean they're going to do it. If the world worked that way, there would be no repeat offenders in jails around the world. For that matter, there wouldn't be any first time offenders either.

My point is that responsibility is a 2-way street. The end user has a responsibility to watch out for himself and Yahoo has a responsibility to give that user what he asks for and nothing more. And that being the case, shouldn't Yahoo be expected, given its apparent desire to make the user experience as pleasant as possible, to lead by example and hold up its end of the bargain even if it means that a few less people might end up using a certain service? That doesn't sound unreasonable to me, and it even makes good business sense since the customers that end up using it are more likely to be happy ones, which over time would probably lead to many more people using the service if the product is good. Word of mouth is a powerful thing whether it be positive or negative, and if Yahoo and others could just think long-term, posts like this one would look nothing like posts like this one, something that I'm sure even Yahoo with it's backward logic would have to agree would be a good thing.

Some People Blow More Than A Hurricane

I'd like to think that everyone reading these words is smart enough not to fall for this crap, but a couple years of answering comments and emails from some of you people and even more years of being alive have taught me that my hopes are way too high, and that some of you need to be told, repeatedly I might add, that things aren't always as they seem. So, for the benefit of all of you who probably don't know who you are, as well as for those of you who have the smarts to investigate things like this, here's a warning:

If you get an email asking you to donate money to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort or telling you that you can click on a link for the latest breaking news about the situation, for the love of God just delete it and go on with your life! If you want to give money or time or follow the latest developments there are plenty of reputable ways to do both of those things, none of which involve unexpected emails from complete strangers or email forwards from Bob in Accounting.

Yes, I know you should be able to trust that people wouldn't take advantage of such a grave disaster for the sake of personal gain, but quite simply, you can't, so it's up to all of us to be careful.

If you want to read up on some of the dangers involved in opening the help the hurricane people emails, click
here.

I'll paste the most important points below in case the link decides to stop working.

Phony Web sites and e-mails, purporting to offer help to hurricane victims or provide more news on the destruction, are making their rounds on the Internet, security experts said Thursday.

One spam campaign that's circulating offers breaking news reports but tricks people into clicking a link that takes them to a bogus Web site,
according to security firm Sophos.
The site attempts to exploit vulnerabilities in Internet Explorer and install malicious code, including the Troj/Cgab-A Trojan horse, on a victim's system Sophos said.

Some of these e-mails carry subject headers such as "re: g8 Tropical storm flooded New Orleans" and "re: q1 Katrina killed as many as 80 people."

"If users click on the link contained inside the e-mail, they will be taken to a malicious Web site which will try and infect their computer," Graham Cluely, senior technology consultant for Sophos, said in a statement. "Once infected, the computer is under the control of remote criminal hackers who can use it to spy, steal or cause disruption."

Other bogus e-mails are circulating that ask people to aid hurricane victims and their families by clicking on a PayPal button to make a donation, said Johannes Ullrich, chief research officer for the Sans Institute.

"They're using PayPal because it allows them to be more anonymous. But if you reply and ask them for their address to mail the check, they don't respond," Ullrich said, noting that in many cases it is difficult to ascertain whether the e-mail is legitimate.

Note from Steve: If you're not clicking the button from a website that you're positive you can trust, there's about a 99.9% chance that it's not legitimate. In short, if it comes in an email and you don't know how it got to you, it's probably crap. And even if it isn't, why rely on an unknown third party to deliver the funds when it's much safer to donate to an established charity on your own terms? Why not make the validity of the email or website in question a non-issue? It just makes sense.

He advised people to ask the organization for its nonprofit tax ID before making a donation. That ID number can be checked against the
database housed by the Internal Revenue Service.
Consumers should also review the list of reputable nonprofit agencies posted on the
Federal Emergency Management Agency Web site,
he said.

And while we're doing the whole warning/advice thing, I figure this is as good a time as any to revisit the whole
run a safe computer and watch what you click on
thing again.

More later.

The Devil Went Down To What Now?

Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who takes the time to think about stupid things like this.

Thirty-Nine Questions for Charlie Daniels Upon Hearing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" for the First Time in 25 Years

8. If the Devil went down to Georgia 'cause he was looking for a soul to steal, why does he arrange what appears to be an honest competition?

5. What kind of one-sided bet was that anyway, your eternal soul for a fiddle?

14. Honor system with the Devil. How did Johnny get sucked into that one?

16. Was there some sort of arbitration board in place in the event that the outcome was not obvious?

The rest are pretty amusing too, provided you've heard the song of course.

With Telus, the Future is Communism.

This kind of shit shouldn't be happening in Canada. My friend is moving to B.C. and she told me something really disturbing. I guess out there, Telus is the only major internet company there is, so they pretty much have you by the balls when it comes to internet. Apparently, they are blocking access to major sites that have information about their union members going on strike. Apparently they have been without a contract for five years, Telus has been repeatedly found guilty of bargaining in bad faith, and their new contract is in violation of Canadian labour codes. But the point is anyone who is using Telus as their ISP can't get to these sites.

What kind of crap is that? This is reminiscent of China blocking google news. This is a very slippery slope. Where does it end? Will ISP's block out their competitors because they can? And then will they block out any site that says anything bad about them or contains proof of an illegal or improper practice they have carried out? This should not be happening in Canada. End of story. I hope customers use their brains and cause a stirr big enough to make telus suffer, and big enough to make other companies think twice about following in their muddy footsteps. This kind of crap can't get started. Not here, not now, not ever.

Slime Kettle? Meet Slime Pot. Who's blacker?

Man, some things just crack me up. Take our friendly neighbourhood hardware store owner Richer Lapointe from near Montreal who thought he'd get himself some glory by apparently uncovering that Carla Homolka has breached some of her release conditions. Ok, first off, he tried to seem noble by writing not 1, not 2, but 22 letters to her lawyer to get her in his store! Hmmm doesn't that seem a little too determined to just be your average good samaritan? Then, promptly after he gets her in his store, he starts taping her by putting a recording device at the bottom of an empty can of paint. Ok, where did he get that device, and where can I get one? It sounds better than the ones that are planted right in front of people to tape them. Then after he gets this so-called damning evidence, he takes it straight to the media, while saying he's concerned for people's safety, etc. Ok, if you're so concerned, why don't you take it to, um, ya know, police? People who can actually do something? I think our friend just wanted a little money. The best is apparently he wouldn't release certain excerpts to CTV news because he says they're too damning for her. For her? I'd bet money they incriminate our one and only hardware hero.

And it gets better. Our hero doesn't exactly have a clean nose himself. He's up on charges of his own for burglary, and, brace yourself, sexual assault. You're worried about the safety of others? How about keeping yourself in check first?

And now he wants to live in St. Catharines to be closer to the victims' families. And what about what they want? Or maybe he's just trying to run away from his own problems. In any case, I don't think our handyman is going to bring his help closer to their home anytime soon. I guess the courts have said he's not leaving the province.

But what I love is how this guy tried to make himself look like an angel and it completely backfired. Word to the wise, if you want to out somebody, you better make sure you're squeaky clean.

Thou shalt Remember You're on Tape.

Man, how stupid does Pat Robertson think people are? He's that televangelist who has been known for saying all kinds of weird things like feminism will cause women to kill their own babies and government buildings should be blown up with a nuclear device. After he sat up there on his TV show talking about how Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela should be assassinated, he tried to say he didn't. He tried to say he meant something else by "take him out," like kidnapping. But try denying this.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he
thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to
go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Hmm, try squiggling out of that one. Done squiggling? Try squiggling out of video footage. Go here, and then click on take him out...and tell me if my ears are deceiving me.

WhatI think is the funniest is that he tried to say he never said assassinate. Then after two days of criticism, he said he was sorry. Maybe the old age has set in and he's forgotten he's on TV. Oh well, I don't think it really matters, most people have already realized he's a total nut bar and his audience is getting smaller and smaller. At least one can hope that's the conclusion people are reaching.

Spread Your Tiny Wings and Fall Apart.

Well I guess this should be expected, knowing how much our military sucks. Yesterday, just while warming up for a show, one of the Snowbirds, ya know, one of the planes supposed to be able to do really cool flips in the air and show off, crashed. While warming up! Isn't that a fine statement? That conjures up images for me of a runner doing stretches and breaking a leg. At least in the last accident, the things were actually in the middle of a flight. But then again, somebody was killed in the last accident. Thankfully everybody came out ok in this one.

Apparently, like everything else in the military, they're in need of repair. But things aren't looking good. I actually saw a guy on the news who said they're going to run out of spare parts soon. Doesn't that inspire confidence? And the government doesn't want to replace the planes for another 15 years. Although I don't mind them not splurging on the planes, maybe we don't need our pride repeatedly wounded by more crashes right now, especially since they're supposed to be a symbol of what we *can* do. Maybe they should just give it a little rest.

As a funny aside, the google ads on the page I linked to cracked me up. Nothing like ads to eliminate your fear of flying on a page about a plane crash.

Total Bummer!

I got my Rogers bill today, and in it it said I could get a free gift for each of the services I have with them. So I got all excited and went to see what they're giving away, and it looks like I can't use any of the stuff they're giving out.

For cable, they're trying to get people hooked on digital cable. NO thanks. The box is too damn complicated and there's too much of a chance for them to change the packages and make the price go up. For internet people, they can get 30 pictures printed for free. Well I can't really do that. And for the cell phone users, they offered a free polyphonic ringtone or a free graphic. Well my phone can't do ringtones, and the graphic isn't gonna work, coach. What the hell is that? A big rich company offers me stuff for free, and I can't use any of it!

In My Day...

What is happening to me? Am I aging too fast? I feel like a grandmother because of what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Holy crap how lazy are we getting? I see commercials for egg yolks already pre-cracked and in a carton. Eeewww. how hard is it to go tap tap tap, break? The idea of pre-broken eggs just grosses me out.

Then I saw one for this thing you put into your wash that keeps colours from running, so you don't have to sort your laundry. The only practical purpose I can see for that is if you're in an apartment with coin-operated laundry machines and you're too cheap to sort your laundry into separate loads, or maybe if you're blind and have no idea which clothes are brightly-coloured, but in that case, you have bigger problems to worry about because you could be wearing an orange shirt when you think it's blue. The rest is purely laziness. "Now I don't have to sort my laundry. This thing will keep my clothes ok." I'm waiting for the first lawsuit when it fails.

And then there are these weird self-heating coffee cans. You break something and then these chemicals heat up your coffee on their own. That's too weird. What is in them? How hard would it be to just, um, make your coffee?

I think I'm done now. All I have to say is at this rate, the future freaks me out.

You Said it was Ok, I Should Have Known It Wasn't.

Ok, since the creative juices seem to be flowing, why don't I get an idea down that's been bugging me for a while? Why do people have to play such games, especially when they start dating? Girls seem to love this, so much so that sometimes I'm ashamed to be one.

First there's the waiting game. I hear other girls saying they want equality, but then they still wait for the guy to ask them out. You have a mouth, use it! If he's scared off by a few words, then he's not worth it.

Then there's the calling game. "No, I won't call him, I want to see if he really wants me." Piss off. What if he decided to play the same game? Wouldn't that be a lovely pickle you've got yourselves into? Each of you waiting for the other, then each of you pissed at the other for not calling, then giving up on something that could have been good if one of you had stopped playing the chess game of dating, forgotten strategy and just made a fucking move? It would make a whole lot more sense, and then you'd at least know where each other stands.

If you manage to get past the asking and the calling, there's the opposites game. First of all, what the hell's with playing hard to get? The way I see it, playing hard to get only works with creeps who don't really give two shits what you think and will push for their way anyway, people who can't read people's signals, and people who think they're God's gift to the opposite sex and will chase you like Peppy Le pew. Do you really want to date one of those anyway? The ones you really want will get your signal and promptly go away.

And here comes the fun, when they say the opposite of what they really mean. "Na, I don't mind if we stay out late." "Yeah, let's go home." When they really mean, "I can't stand this place and your friends" and "I'd like to stay longer." Say what you god damn mean! Don't leave the guy to guess. Then there's the "I'm fine" game. She says she's fine, but her body language is saying "I'm going to rip your face off soon." Even when the poor guy asks what's wrong, she still says there's nothing. And then the complaining about the guy being insensitive starts. Well what do you think? You've taught him not to care because you won't tell him what the hell you're thinking.

And if the two manage to talk in backwards speak and read each other's reverse signals and stay together, one of them thinks they can change the other one with work. My question to them is, why are you bothering to date him/her if you don't like what you see? It's one thing to mention a couple things, or reach compromises if you're living with them. But when you're trying to "shape" them into what you want, to the point that you're making them change who they are, nagging at them constantly, maybe you should rethink the relationship. What do you think that nagging crap does to the other guy? Do you really think it's actually helping them?

And those are the big ones that make my head spin. Then again, I'm single, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't understand.

Phew! That scared me!

I was walking home tonight from swimming, and it was getting a little late. I hate walking home in the dark. It creeps me out, and don't start with the, "But you're always in the dark" shit. You know what I mean. I just have this way too overactive imagination. it picks that time of night to dredge up all the old crime scenarios I've ever heard of and fling them at me in rapid succession. Then I hear theme songs from crime shows, clips from the spookiest urban legends you've ever been told, and everything else dark and freaky you can imagine. To add to the fun, sometimes I imagine I can hear footsteps following me, and then I realize it's a leaf stuck to my foot. No really, I'm not paranoid.

But tonight I got a good scare. I got to my entrance...and opened it to find flashing lights! It looked like lightning striking in the inside of the little lobby thingy before my actual apartment. I guess the florescent light that is always on has decided it's time to die...but why did that have to happen at night? Holy Jesus Murphy that scared me. And now that you're all thoroughly bored, I'll go away.